I have no personal problem with ExploerTM, and they're welcome back in the thread after the one week. However, I'd literally just said that the topic's off the board for the quest, and they even acknowledged my older post on it, and continued right on with it - under other cirumstances I might have just dropped a warning, but again, I literally just posted about it. That's why I asked for the ban. (I additionally asked for a mod to apply the threadban because I didn't feel comfortable with doing it myself in this case.)
Other than wanting to go ahead and commit to scheduling a Science! session, so we don't forget to do so, sure. That gives us another avenue to study what just happened, but getting Kyoko's feedback is good, too.
Honestly, I figured trying to plan anything past talking to Kyoko and Yuma would be a wash anyway, since it is pretty much guaranteed we'll have one or maybe even two votes during that conversation.
It has been something ongoing for a good long while, but this update is another confirmation that Sabrina has truly become an independent entity from the thread's own thoughts. If it is indeed jealousy or concerns about self-worth (and not some esoteric wish rejection), is it something she will have to actively combat in order to accept the proliferation of this miraculous technique?
Also this might be typical protagonist-centric thinking, but even in a world where this novel griefhax existed even before Sabrina came into being, I still see her and her friends as playing an integral part in the salvation of magical girls everywhere. Judging from the current status quo this technique is either being actively suppressed by Incubators or the incentives of the magical girl system heavily disfavor it ever gaining traction.
In such equilibrium conditions, the actions of an average non-OP meguca to turn things around even with the technique have a low chance of making a lasting difference, or would be limited to a local scope. The goal of Sabrina and company will be to serve as a catalyst that will spur action and let people know that change on a massive scale is possible and desirable. Basically she will provide the energy required to spark a great bonfire and reach a new, better equilibrium. And crucially, it should be a spark that is far more resistant to being stamped out by Incubators.
The science log on the wiki is not available right now. It says it has reached some sort of usage limit. Is the one on the day planner the same?
Is the day planner up to date? It seems kind of empty.
Why, exactly, can other grief controllers not actually cleanse soul gems and grief seeds (without using the Sojuus' technique)? Does the power needed to hold grief in midair exceed the rate at which they can cleanse their own gem? Why don't they just dump grief into the environment?
Some random comments:
Homura's time stop is not inviolable in the original works. I read Oriko Magica some time in the past, and recently reread the wiki entries for both the original Oriko Magica and Sadness Prayer, and Kirika was able to buff herself and Oriko to ignore Homura's time stop. It is likely that Homura's chronomancy can be countered by other chronomancy.
In the PSP game (not canonical to PMAS, and which I haven't actually played), Homura was apparently able to cast "Clockup" and "Clockdown", AoE spells that speed up Homura and her allies or slow down her enemies, respectively. This demonstrates that Homura may be able to accomplish other things with chronomancy besides her timestop and rewinding to the start of the loop. It may be worth trying to convince Homura to develop some chronomancy-based buffs or a short-term rewind to get a do-over on mistakes. Sufficient power development on her end might even yield some form of precognition.
While looking at the Madoka wiki, it noted that in an early chapter of The Different Story, Kyouko used magic to transform some random objects into various forms of junk food. This may be where she gets some of the food she constantly eats from (and may not be related to her primary skillset of illusions, and therefore might be a skill she still has).
Looking through the fanart, I saw a picture of Nadia Bennouna. Honestly, it seems extremely revealing for someone who comes from a Muslim country. She might not be Muslim, and not all Muslims dress conservatively (I had a high school classmate and neighbor who was a Syrian refugee; she claimed to be Muslim but never wore a hijab and habitually wore short shorts), but I still find it kind of odd that someone of her hackground would wear such a provocative costume.
Reading through the fic, I see Sabrina smiling at people constantly, which probably is not a good idea. In the US, a lot of people smile by default, and will smile when greeting or even making eye contact with strangers, but in many other countries, people just don't smile as much. In fact, I have read that smiling at others in Japan could make them think you are duplicitous, crazy, drunk/stoned/high, or trying to flirt. People might be somewhat understanding, as Sabrina looks white and has a white name, but the constant smiling is probably not doing Sabrina any favors on the social front (that is, if Firnagzen is aware of this fact).
Anecdotally, I spent my early childhood in China, living with relatives while my parents attended graduate school, and when I came to the US, both preschool teachers and later afterschool counselors separately brought up to my parents that they thought I was depressed because I rarely smiled. And while Japan is not China, I have read that it is not a particularly smiley country, either.
Additionally, I repeatedly see Sabrina bringing up therapy as something that is important, and others seem to agree with her, and think that it would be beneficial. I find this somewhat unrealistic.
Today, therapy is mostly something that is favored by liberal westerners. Most non-westerners, as well as western conservatives, tend to believe that mental healthcare is fake, that therapy is for crazy people and that they aren't crazy, that mental issues are caused by insufficient willpower and that therapy is useless, or some combination thereof, and even those who want to pursue therapy will often avoid it because their peers would look down on them for doing so. A cursory Google search tells me that Asian Americans seek therapy 50% less than the general population, and that is in a country where therapy is fairly mainstream. In actual Asia, therapy will probably be even more stigmatized, and most of the Meguca we interact with would probably be very skeptical both about seeking therapy themselves and about the value of bringing therapists into Constellation.
Like, out of dozens of relatives on both sides of my family in China, I think only one person (mom's younger brother's wife) has ever actually attended therapy (for depression), and she eventually killed herself.
I feel that our most important goals right now are:
Dealing with Walpurgisnacht. This should not be too hard, as we have a lot more firepower and resources than Homura alone could muster, and our Power of Friendship may serve to counteract whatever conceptual defenses it has, if it has them.*
Dealing with Feathers. This is a completely different story. We know very little about what it is, what it can do, what it wants, or how the threat posed by it can be prevented. Therefore, it should be our top priority to gather information about Feathers and to ready the means to either negotiate with or defeat it, as it is an imminent and overwhelming threat that we are completely unprepared for.
One important step we should take is to gather and recruit meguca with skills that may be useful. Meguca can be located by telepathically contacting Nadia, Homura, or any of our other contacts and asking them for further contacts or by asking around on the IRCs. I think we did talk to Nadia about this at some point, but she mainly brought up girls in Japan. Homura did bring up a list of girls she thought might be useful for Walpurgisnacht, but she might have omitted some less directly combat-relevant meguca.
Some types of meguca which may be valuable are listed below. We might not be able to find and recruit ones from every category, but keeping this list in mind would be helpful.
Social thinkers
If Feathers is too powerful to beat, or if it is sympathetic and should not be killed, these may be highly useful for talking it down. Mind mages are likely irrelevant, as Feathers is probably too strong to fail a will save against any of their effects, and using them will probably anger it, but social thinkers should at least be able to give tips on how to handle negotiations and may be able to participate in them.
We should therefore look for megucas who have to power to be really good at social stuff, or who have powers that make them competent at everything, and try to persuade them (via cleansing, clear seeds, material gifts, defeating bad actors who threaten them, and rhetoric) to help us. We should discuss potential avenues of negotiation even before we have a concrete idea of Feathers's capabilities and desires, discuss again after we know that negotiations are open, and possibly bring some social thinkers in during negotiations.
Social thinkers would also be useful for helping Constellation conduct diplomacy in general, minimize the angst produced by dropping the Lich/Witchbomb, etc.
Buffers
Magical girls who can boost intelligence, charisma, physical capabilities, magical strength, or whatever else are extremely useful. They can help us negotiate better, act as force multipliers in combat, and are pretty much always useful.
Precogs
It might be the case that Firnagzen does not want to deal with these in his work, but in canon, not only does Oriko have precognitive powers, but Mabayu Aki from Scene Zero and Mel Anna from Magia Record seem to have some ability to tell the future as well. While these may not be canon to PMAS, they do indicate that precognition is a valid and not amazingly rare power among Meguca in the original canon, which makes sense, as you'd expect a lot of girls to wish to know the winning numbers for the lottery, what would happen if they confess to their crush, etc.
Gathering precognitive girls would not only help us stave off potential danger, but also help us detect dead ends during experimentation, see which approaches would work best in social encounters, determine likely outcomes to battle strategies, and even serve as a source of quick and easy funds (Have Inoue Yuuki make fake identities, then have the precogs earn tons of money in those identities by gambling and options trading or whatnot). And while there do not seem to be perfect precogs in the Madokaverse, it seems unlikely that every precog's biases would be perfectly aligned, which might allow us to reduce bias and see around individual blind spots by combining the outout of each precog.
Mind Mages
While Sabrina would likely balk at brainwashing enemies, it would be highly useful to, with their consent, have a friendly emotion controller cast a calming spell on her friends when she is revealing a disturbing secret to them. This may reduce their chances of flipping out and doing something rash.
Also, emotion controllers may well be useful in dewitching efforts. As shown by the examples of Kirika's witch at the end of Oriko Magica and Saki Asami's witch in Kazumi Magica, it is not impossible for a witched-out meguca to retain or seize control, at least temporarily, if sufficiently determined. By some combination of increasing positive emotions, decreasing negative ones, and boosting willpower, it may be possible to help witches regain control of themselves, either temporarily by casting spells on them, or on a long-term basis by giving them enchanted items to do these things. This would be immensely helpful for acheiving many things.
Additionally, while brainwashing enemies may be morally dubious, brainwashing yourself is much less so. Simply increasing your energy levels would greatly improve productivity. Removing negative personality traits may be worth looking into as well.
All or Nothing Powers
If Feathers cannot be reasoned with, we may have to slay a being of godlike power. In order to accomplish this, we ought to look for meguca with absolute powers, such as unblockable attacks (ex: Sting), undodgeable attacks (ex: Gae Bolg), perfect defenses (ex: Avalon), etc. Meguca with these sorts of powers may be vital for securing a combat victory against Feathers.
Equalizers
By these, I mean meguca who can do things like become stronger when facing a stronger enemy, weaken stronger enemies down to their level, increase in strength as a fight proceeds, always win or at least never lose when certain conditions are met, etc. It would be even better if we could have them apply their powers on all of our allies. Meguca like these would also be of tremendous use when fighting an overwhelming foe.
Thinkers
Nearly any meguca with thinker powers would be useful to us. They could help us gather information both about Feathers and about more mundane threats and opportunities to help us prepare better, process the information we already have to determine solutions to our problems, manage our logistics, improve our combat tactics, and so much more.
Trumps
Meguca with powers over powers would be hugely useful in a wide number of ways. They could help break through limitations on powers, such as Sabrina's limited radius or inability to make grief constructs that do certain things, boost powers, find new applications of powers, etc.
Learning Powers
A lot of things need to be learned, such as combat skills, enchanting skills, social skills, etc. Any meguca with the ability to boost learning or directly impart knowledge would therefore be extremely useful.
Revival Powers
Wishing a beloved relative, friend, or pet back from the dead is probably common, and there might be at least one girl out there who can raise the dead. Such a girl would be insanely useful, as depending on her exact abilities, we might be able to vastly increase our numbers and gain access to powerful historical meguca, create amulets of resurrection to improve our survivability, enable riskier experimentation, etc.
Powers over Witches
Several meguca from the original works have some sort of ability to do something or other to witches, such as Sasa Yuuki from Oriko Magica (can control them) and Lapin from Tart Magica (who can retain control as a witch and revert back to a meguca). These may be of vast help in restoring witches, and investigating their capacities might yield insights into dewitching and perhaps even taking advantage of the capabilities of the witch state.
Any other hax or esoteric abilities
These may well prove useful in some way or another.
Looking for these would not have to be a hugely time-consuming process, in universe. However, characterizing dozens or hundreds of meguca would be extremely time consuming and difficult for Firnagzen. I therefore propose delegation.
Step 1: Have Nadia help us establish connections with the Red Bird Association. They apparently have many teleporters, and will thus be vital for facilitating rapid expansion. Do our uttmost to win them over, by distributing cleansing, clear seeds, money, etc.
Step 2: Ask each of our contacts for lists of all the meguca they know, their group affiliation (if they have one), as well as their powers, any notable characteristics, and (if the contact is Lich/Witchbombed) if that meguca is Litch/Witchbombed. Remove duplicate entries and consolidate the information in them (Inoue Yuuki may be able to code something up).
Step 3: Divide these lists between several people. I propose Homura, Kyouko, the Shiogama Refugees, Tsuruya Yuki, Nakano Mika, and Umika Misaki, at least at first. In my opinion, these are all either witchbombed or probably stable enough to handle it, fairly mature, and allied to us. Have each of them go through the part of the list belonging to them, and contact the girls on it, using the original recommender as an intermediary to set up a telepathic connection. Have them prioritize meguca with the powers mentioned above, and reach out to group leaders in order to recruit whole groups at a time when possible.
Sabrina and Mami can take primary responsibility for diplomacy with Tokyo and the Regius group. Even there, we would mainly be contacting the most important meguca, and not the rank and file.
Step 4: When a group agrees to meet, use a teleporter to deliver teleport Tsuruya Yuki over to claim a building as a teleportation hub. They can then travel freely to Mitakihara for cleansing, clear seeds, and gifts. If teleporters are not immediately available, then have Sabrina perform a delivery once in a while, perhaps taking a sealed grief construct in a ballistic trajectory at maximum speed.
Step 5: Sabrina can offer advice, provide demonstrations of her power, take status reports of what is going on, talk to important leaders and meguca with highly notable powersets, and step in to resolve exceptional cases. It may also be worth stepping in to bulldoze some notable bad actors, such as the Saja and San Shi Hui, to rapidly boost our reputation and increase the number of meguca willing to sign on with us, though this would have to be weighed against the chances that unprovoked expeditionary actions might make people think of us as warmongers.
Step 6: Eventually, have our first group of recruiters recommend trusted contacts that they have recruited to serve as additional recruiters they will manage.
By doing this, we will be able to recruit numerous meguca in a short time, without putting too much of a burden on Firnagzen. He could just treat most of the meguca as indistinct numbers and only model a few leaders and exceptional individuals.
Sabrina should also really just stop sleeping. Use magic to heal off the exhaustion or something. Sleeping wastes like 6-8 hours each day (and more time spent preparing to sleep and rousing yourself), and is a horrible waste of time that could be better spent doing other things. I find myself with a lack of time in my ordinary life, just with work, chores, skill development, exercise, and recreation, and if I did not have to sleep, I would probably never sleep again. In this quest, Sabrina has the fate of the universe on her shoulders, and is thus under even more pressure. Given that Sabrina is constantly talking about not having enough time to do everything she needs or wants to, skipping sleep would open up the schedule immensely for magic development, establishing contacts with people in different time zones, or even just recreation and cuddling with Mami.
Even if you are unwilling to completely cut out sleep, reducing it to 4 or 2 hours per night would still open up a lot of time for activities.
* A lot of people talked about how Homura was unable to defeat Walp despite using a ton of weaponry, and that this shows that Walpurgisnacht has some sort of conceptual defense, but in all honesty, Homura used a fairly small arsenal of weapons, none of which is particularly suited for damaging large, unitary targets with no fragile vitals to be destroyed by poking holes or overpressure.
The mortar bombs will just hit the witch, blow up, and disperse most of their energy into the air. And mortar bombs don't even contain that much energy in the first place.
The rockets probably have HEAT warheads, which shoot forwards a jet of deformed metal to pierce the target. When used against a tank, this metal jet can disable or destroy the vehicle by hitting ammunition stores, fuel tanks, the engine, crew members, etc. Walpurgisnacht is huge and probably does not have any such items inside it to destroy, and poking a few narrow holes in it will likely have very little effect.
The exploding fuel truck and rigged stadium blast were visually impressive, but dumped most of their energy into the air instead of into the witch. When facing humans, explosions will rupture their internal organs and kill them, but when facing a solid object that probably has no significant internal structure, an external blast will mostly just flow around them and push them around without dealing that much damage.
People bring up the missiles, but Homura used very few missiles (I think it was 2 racks of 6 missiles, when a single warship can have dozens to over 100). Also, modern anti-ship missiles are optimized for striking modern warships, which are essentially unarmored, and just usually have HE-Frag warheads. As stated before, those will just create an external blast and deposit very little of their energy into the witch.
If you actually wanted to damage an opponent like Walpurgisnacht, you would want to use something that penetrates and explodes inside, thus depositing most of its energy inside the target. Examples of such munitions include old battleship AP rounds with bursting charges (though the amount of explosives in those is fairly low) and bunker busting munitions such as the MOP and DF-15C. To really conclude that Walpurgisnacht has some sort of conceptual defense against the weapons used by Homura (which are probably enchanted in the original canon, given that they seem to explode with much more power than mundane weapons of their same types and as non-magical attacks were stated to not affect witches in Magia Record (I know it is not canon to this fic)), you would need to bombard it with significant amounts (like, dozens or hundreds) of such weapons that penetrate before detonation. Otherwise, all you can conclude that if you use an insufficient amount of weapons that are poorly suited towards damaging your target, you will probably not do much damage.
On one hand, I am sympathetic to the idea of not sleeping. On the other hand, Sabrina is under a lot of stress and ceasing to sleep would probably make that significantly worse, as well as hurting Mami, which neither she nor I want. Also, Sabrina is more than capable of killing Walpurgisnacht by herself if necessary. The extra firepower might be handy for Feathers, except that we have no idea what their deal is.
While Sabrina would likely balk at brainwashing enemies, it would be highly useful to, with their consent, have a friendly emotion controller cast a calming spell on her friends when she is revealing a disturbing secret to them. This may reduce their chances of flipping out and doing something rash.
Also, emotion controllers may well be useful in dewitching efforts. As shown by the examples of Kirika's witch at the end of Oriko Magica and Saki Asami's witch in Kazumi Magica, it is not impossible for a witched-out meguca to retain or seize control, at least temporarily, if sufficiently determined. By some combination of increasing positive emotions, decreasing negative ones, and boosting willpower, it may be possible to help witches regain control of themselves, either temporarily by casting spells on them, or on a long-term basis by giving them enchanted items to do these things. This would be immensely helpful for acheiving many things.
Additionally, while brainwashing enemies may be morally dubious, brainwashing yourself is much less so. Simply increasing your energy levels would greatly improve productivity. Removing negative personality traits may be worth looking into as well.
This, however, is going to be a HELL NO from me. Like, if we have an emotion manipulator that can temporarily induce positive emotions, that might be useful for what you mentioned, if used responsibly.
But I would like you to stop, for just one moment, and think of the "negative personality traits" a meguca that's willing to resort to that would remove. Like, for inatance, how there are points where canon Homura may very well opt to remove her capacity to care for things that aren't Madoka if she accepted this offer - it's the kind of person she's forged herself into, after all. I could list examples all day. It's an awful idea. Just go to therapy and don't try taking any magical shortcuts, we've already seen plenty of examples of what happens when megucas use their own magic to mess with their own heads, and while it's not the worst thing in the world, I highly doubt the magic coming from outside is going to go any better.
Maaaybe it could be a supplement to therapy. But we don't have a therapist working for us yet, and even if we did, it would be very dangerous and uncharted waters we'd be navigating. There is no way we are starting clinical trials on experimental mind magic therapy two weeks before Walpurgisnacht, that is just never going to end well.
Today, therapy is mostly something that is favored by liberal westerners. Most non-westerners, as well as western conservatives, tend to believe that mental healthcare is fake, that therapy is for crazy people and that they aren't crazy, that mental issues are caused by insufficient willpower and that therapy is useless, or some combination thereof, and even those who want to pursue therapy will often avoid it because their peers would look down on them for doing so. A cursory Google search tells me that Asian Americans seek therapy 50% less than the general population, and that is in a country where therapy is fairly mainstream. In actual Asia, therapy will probably be even more stigmatized, and most of the Meguca we interact with would probably be very skeptical both about seeking therapy themselves and about the value of bringing therapists into Constellation.
I haven't finished the full post, as it's as much a victim of "Wall-o-words Syndrome" as my own posts can be, but this specific issue is one I have brought up, several times. Meguca are likely going to be a lot more willing to see therapists because their lives literally depend on it. When you can actually measure a person's negative emotions by seeing them build up in a soul gem, the idea you have trauma you need to deal with becomes a verifiable, demonstrable fact.
We will face push back on therapists, and the number of therapists capable of handling what is going on with meguca is likely very low, but outright refusal to even consider the issue is going to be less of an issue than with ordinary humans.
I feel like that's less likely to be a prevalent belief among meguca because anyone who has serious issues pretty much has to have an insane amount of willpower just to survive. Take Homura, for example: put just about anyone else through even a fraction of the trauma conga line that is her life, and you'd get a Witch by the end of the third loop at the absolute latest. The fact that she hasn't given up yet is pretty much proof that she has more willpower than everyone else in Mitakihara put together, but our girl is not well-adjusted by any stretch of the imagination.
What are your thoughts on the plan to delegate out contact/diplomacy/recruitment to trustworthy allies and to attempt to befriend the Red Bird Association as quickly as possible, to gain access to friendly teleporters who can help us set up a network of Yuki-buildings? This can be started very soon.
Also, if we are going witch hunting, we should, instead of searching as a unified party, instead spread out to cover more area while searching, then converge on any detected barriers. This should triple the amount of area covered per unit of time, and greatly increase hunting efficiency.
[X] Witch Hunting therapy
-[X] Check your Soul Gem as you fly over there. You aren't Grief Spiralling, you would've felt that, but better to be sure and see what happened in your Soul.
[X] Ask Kyoko and Yuma if they would be willing to take a turn being the therapists this time.
--[X] Yes, really.
---[X] No, this isn't a prank.
----[X] 5 star buffet?
-[X] Pull a Marshmallow proof barrier out of Hammerspace. No need for space lawyers to have another true-from-a-certain-point-of-view rumor to spread about Sabrina actually just wanting all the grief to herself or whatever.
--[X] Thank Kyoko for putting up with us once again. Yuma is young, but children can see things about people that others miss. (eye-glance at Kyoko super sneakily)
-[X] "So, all of 5 minutes ago, I might have discovered that actually succeeding in removing Grief maybe feels like going against my Wish..."
--[X] "Do you want to hear my Wish before or after I tell you what happened?"
--[X] Soul Gem in hand, start from the Soujou's demonstration and........tell Kyoko and Yuma about how it felt. Honestly.
--[X] Fear of cabbits and/or grief monsters? Jealousy of others intruding on our Wish? General control issues? .....actually desiring Grief to still exist?
-[X] Your soul probably hasn't changed much even if you were directly rejecting your Wish, but you can take a look at it with the Scanner. Maybe the blinker fluid is low?
... you know what?
Witch hunting therapy sounds perfect right now.
Less perfect than all this.
"On my way," you say. "Gimme a direction?"
"East of ya," Kyouko drawls. "Next to the big banana."
You spare a moment to check your Soul Gem as you heel over and reorient east, wings slicing through the air. Negative emotions... that sour burn clenching at your belly and fighting for you to say something sure feels like a negative emotion, and... yes, your Soul Gem has certainly filled up rather more than you'd expect out of a casual morning. But then again, a bad magical interaction might also have the same result, so you're not entirely sure that's indicative of anything. Maybe you need to fill up the blinker fluid? Wait, are tears blinker fluid? Tears are certainly fluids associated with and aiding in the process of blinking, after all. Your eyes feel perfectly fine, they don't need topping up.
You put the matter out of your mind for now - time to meet up with Kyouko.
... hang on.
"... Did you say banana?" you venture.
"Surprised lil' Mis-" Kyouko starts, and chokes her words off before continuing in a milder tone. "Surprised you haven't seen it before. You'll know what I mean."
"... okay..." you say dubiously, continuing to wing your way east.
Kyouko's wayyyy more insightful than anyone would expect from her manner, you reflect ruefully a little later as you glide in to a landing right next to the giant banana, your boots whispering across the sloped roof tiles. Then again, insight or not, you're not sure about this one: some manner of sculpture, you're pretty sure, some kind of big, hollow metal thing curving over the top of some corporate headquarters.
"'s supposed to be horns," Kyouko grumbles as she hauls herself up beside you, both your heads craned back to stare at the giant banana. "Bull market or something. Makes a good landmark, anyway."
"Ah," you say, looking down at the building beneath you to give it a filthy look. "Finance."
Kyouko shrugs, crunching on something in her mouth.
"Tokyo has a giant poop!" Yuma says brightly as she clambers up on Kyouko's other side, perching on an outcropping on the roof.
"... giant poop?" you say, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Giant poop," Yuma says, nodding. "Asahi beer building or something. Yuma saw it on TV!"
"... oh, that one," you say. "It's allegedly a flame, but I don't see it. Why would you have a flame for a beer company, anyway? Alcohol's flammable! A flame is the opposite of what you want for a beer company!"
"Why would it have a giant piece o' shit?" Kyouko asks, giving you a dead-eyed look even as Yuma giggles.
"Well I mean," you say, shrugging. "It's beer. So, y'know."
Kyouko rolls her eyes and dips a hand into a pocket to flick something at your face - a hard candy, it turns out, which you unwrap it with a crinkle of plastic. Tart, lemony sweetness explodes on your tongue, and you hum, tilting your head so that you can feel the breeze on your face, the flutter of Kyouko's hair red-hued movement in the corner of your eye.
"So, the Witch?" you say, somewhat rhetorically.
You can sense the Barrier entrance just down in the alleyway below, the pressure a heavy pulse in the back of your mind. And you can guess why Kyouko called you in to help: there's a weight to this Barrier in your mind's eye, an indefinable sense of power to it. Nothing you expect to be unable to handle, but you're glad Kyouko didn't stand on her pride.
"Mm," Kyouko says, crunching pointedly on her own candy. "Big 'un."
"Alright," you say. "Lemme cleanse us all, and we'll head in."
Kyouko snorts, pointedly fishing out a Grief Seed and using it on her own Soul Gem - Yuma, on the other hand, offers hers up to you with a beaming grin. All it takes from there is a quick, sweeping gesture to pull the Grief free of Soul Gem and used Grief Seed alike, and a thought to condense it into a single wing of blades folding tightly against your shoulder, ready to be used.
And that's fine. Better than fine, even, your stomach loosening a little from that acid clench that you've decided you're not giving any thought to right now. So that just means you can focus on the fight ahead, especially not now with all three of you are plunging towards the Barrier entrance, Yuma whooping as she pivots midair into a picture-perfect diving posture.
Kyouko disappears feet first into the Barrier, and you have a moment with the wind in your hair to brace yourself before you make contact, to brace against that jarring sense of-
-wrong, wrong, Witch!-
-and dislocation as you slip between worlds. Some instinct has you snapping your arm up to block, hammer forming in a flash.
The impact reverberates up your arm with a sharp clang as you dive forward, something cracking past your head. Behind you, the clatter of Kyouko's chains, Yuma shouting as her mace pounds out a strike. Forward flip with your left hand, hammer in your right, instincts screaming - and something massive crashes into the ground just where you were a split second ago. Feet on the ground, pivot, and swing.
You have a moment to take it in, in that crystalline moment between heartbeats. Cloth, animated and colourful and quilted, a little worn and fuzzy around the edges, and yet too sharp to your eyes, standing out in stark relief against the oily static of the world beyond.
Impact.
The cloth folds over your hammer, tearing a little - and then lunges up the shaft, the motion almost scuttling as if it had hundreds of legs. You yelp, releasing your hammer. Grief answers your call, sweeping over your head in slicing blades, only for the thing to flap and skitter off.
But Grief moves as fast as you want it to.
The air shatters as nightmare-dark blades slash forward, tearing into the cloth creature with contemptuous ease, and it dies.
Yuma, behind you, shockwaves rumbling through the ground.
You're already pivoting, her struggles against her own opponent coming to the forefront of your mind - her mace is a blunt thing, battering and hurling the thing about, but unable to do much than tear a few rips in the cloth thing. She's learned well from Kyouko, her expression undaunted behind an impenetrable defense of blurring strikes and parries of her mace, but it's a battle of endurance she's barely winning.
But that's why you're here. Another thought sends blades of Grief slashing through Yuma's opponent, slicing it to shredded, drifting rags even as a shout and the shriek of ripping cloth heralds Kyouko's triumph over her own foe.
Silence, but for your breaths.
"And those were just three Familiars," you mutter.
"Yep," Kyouko says crisply, slamming the butt of her spear against the ground and retracting the chains. "Guard up. Keep moving. Yuma, middle."
"Got it," you say, nodding.
Kyouko takes the lead, spear held ready at her side and head swiveling constantly as she prowls forward with an almost catlike tread boots silent. Yuma sticks right behind her with mace clutched tight in her hands, but no matter how nervous she is, she likewise keeps an eye out, her attention focused on the opposite side to Kyouko's.
You have a moment to look around as you fall in at the back of the little formation.
The ground is uncomfortably soft underfoot despite it looking like scuffed hardwood, rought and splintery and yet yielding beneath your boots. The same material bleeds up cavernous walls of smooth, plasticky off-white, fighting for domination. The Barrier fades into the gloom ahead of you, the dim, sourceless illumination leaving little to see but the slight upward slope of the... cave?
There's no banter or jibing, friendly or not - just the crunching of yet another handful of hard candies, silently passed back from Kyouko. You're constantly aware that you could simply dissolve this Barrier. The Grief is there, within reach of your will and your soul, and you could simply reach out and take it. The Familiars would vanish, and the Witch would simply be gone.
You have more respect for Kyouko and Yuma than that.
If, if things get dire, you'll do it. If you need to do it, to save someone. But the temptation is there, the pressure in your mind that is Grief not under your control.
... Grief, not under your control.
You can't help but seize upon that thought, even as your instincts scream at you, and you duck under a lunge from one of those blanket-Familiars peeling itself off the wall. A roll of your hand reverses your hammer so you can use the spike to tear into the cloth. Kyouko's spear skewers it halfway, and you both heave, tearing the Familiar apart. You finish the job with your own Grief, thoughts circling.
Grief, not under your control.
You turn the thought over in your mind as the three of you make your way through the Barrier, wary as Familiars try to ambush you, only to be met with spear, mace, and Grief. You can't spare too much of your attention away from watching your friend's backs, but you can't help but think.
It's not that simple, surely. It's not that. You know what it's like when there's Grief out of your control. It's this: the screaming sense of wrongness inside of a Barrier. There's that sense of Witch that raises her hairs on the back of your neck, yes, and you're pretty sure every magical girl gets that. The sense of danger, of warning, an instinctual thing that helps you fight. And at the same time, you can feel the Grief moving just beyond your mental grasp, a friction on your mind that's grating and cloying and forceful all at the same time, like your limbs somehow moving without your permission, like your body being moved by an outside wil-
"Behind!" you bark.
Kyouko and Yuma are already turning. You sweep to the side, Grief slicing through the air. You feel the impact, through your blades. One.
Two.
Three.
And four.
And then the chunks of Familiar are flying past you, carried on momentum and splattering gore you just barely evade. It's an insectoid thing, you notice as it dissolves, all hard, dark angles and far, far too many legs, wriggling as the Familiar dies - a very different form than the cloth things.
"Built for ambush," Kyouko mutters, lowering her spear. "But they just can't resist. Good. We keep moving."
"Got it," you say, Yuma echoing your words with a slightly worried grin.
You put your thoughts aside for now, the three of you delving deeper and deeper. The plasticky whiteness of the walls wins the battle with the faux hardwood of the floors as you descend, creeping down the walls and across the floor until you're left with a sliver of uncomfortably soft wood running down the middle of the cave, almost like a guidestrip for any daring enough to invade the Barrier. Which is, of course, the three of you.
The Familiars are a constant, unrelenting pressure, diving at you in ones and twos and threes, small groups working in tandem - not very many of them, but they're far stronger than the usual Familiars you're used to cleaving through. It's a very different experience, enough to keep you on your toes and your attention focused, blades and hammer in constant motion.
It is, in some ways, almost a meditative experience, stretching your powers and your skill. You're nowhere near close to cutting loose, but there's an exhilaration to fighting alongside your friends, adrenaline and fierce joy thrumming through your veins. It's almost a disappointment when you take another step forward and the world shivers as the Witch reveals itself.
Though 'reveal' is perhaps the wrong word, as a blizzard enfolds you, snow and hail blasting past you in howling drifts... and beneath your feet, that same strip of hardwood, pointing unerringly at a half-buried form in the snow. The cold bites deep, a chill far beyond the physical that nearly drives the breath out of your lungs.
"We've got the initiative," Kyouko says, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the roaring winds. "Yuma and I've got the first strike." She grimaces, indecisive for a moment, then nods sharply. "'Brina. You back her up. Y'hear?"
"Got it," you say tersely, and the three of you move together. You break left, and Kyouko and Yuma charge straight for the the Witch, their passage leaving behind swirls in the snow.
Yuma pulls ahead as Kyouko's spear grows in her hands, and with a grunt of effort, she hurls it, up high. And with a yell, Yuma leaps, emerald green flaring in her wake as she soars through the air.
You have a split second to realize what they're doing before Yuma brings her mace down to slam into the butt of Kyouko's spear with an earsplitting crash. The world flares bright.
The air shatters.
And a thunderbolt cuts through the blizzard.
Yuma's aim is true, Kyouko's spear slamming dead center through the huddled mass at the center of the blizzard. The Witch screeches in protest, an earsplitting cacophony of pain, pain, pain that claws beyond the physical to sear at your mind and it stands, a living, thrashing mountain of jagged spikes and too many legs, and Yuma flinches in midair and that's why Kyouko told you to back her up because there's no way Kyouko can catch her in time but you can because Grief moves as fast as you want it to and-
-just so.
You enfold Yuma in Grief, yanking her out of way of a glacier of ice slashing through the air, and then again, out of the path of the followup hit. The Witch screeches once more, almost drowned out by Kyouko's howl of effort as she punches up towards the sky, Soul Gem blazing. The ground erupts, one spear becoming four, writhing like living things as they fight to pin the Witch down.
"Kill it!" Kyouko yells.
You're already bringing your blades down. The Witch is a massive, centipede-like thing of dark blue ice, too many legs with too many joints thrashing frantically, and none of that size is any help to it as you smash through its icy shell. It's durable, terrifyingly durable, limbs flailing even after you smash it into quarters with great, groaning cracks of disintegrating ice, but finally, you feel something crucial give.
You feel the world shudder as reality starts to reassert itself, the blizzard wavering as deadly cold giving way to something more mortal chill. Your boots crunch on gravel as the real world wavers into focus, the humidity and rattle of wind on steel telling you where you are before you even see it: all the way over to the riverside dock area. You feel metal creak under your feet, the gantry crane all three of you are perched on swaying slightly in the wind.
You ignore the ping of the Grief Seed nearby and tilt your head back, eyes sliding closed and a smile quirking your lips as the warmth of the sun chases away the last of the frost.
"Better," you mutter, rolling your shoulders and bouncing lightly on your feet, and cleansing your Soul Gem with a thought. It hasn't solved anything, but a bit of distance from the problem has helped. You feel lighter.
Kyouko snorts roughly, and beans you neatly on the forehead with another piece of candy. You just about manage to not fumble the subsequent catch, grinning at her in thanks.
"Decent hunt," Kyouko concedes, hooking her spear behind her head with one arm as she fishes for that already-used Grief Seed. "Could've gone worse with less people."
"Yeah! Thank you for catching me!" Yuma says, beaming as she grabs the fresh Seed. "Big sis and I practiced that move lots, but the big combo moves like that are hard!"
"Glad to help," you say, and fall silent.
Kyouko scowls, folding her arms and leaning against a cracked, cinderblock wall and glaring at you.
You unwrap the sweet and pop it into your mouth, eyeing her from the corner of your vision.
You know she knows you want to ask something of her.
Yuma sighs.
Your mind races, thoughts sleeting through your mind as you search frantically for a strategy. It takes you a moment to seize on the way forward, the only reliable way you've ever figured out for starting off a conversation with Kyouko on anything like a solid footing.
"... so I saw a five-star buffet earlier today?" you offer.
Kyouko groans, pinches the bridge of her nose, and looks up at the sky, lips moving in silent prayer.
"Just fucking spit it out," she mutters through gritted teeth.
"I think..." you hesitate for a moment before barrelling on. You're already in this deep, after all. "I think I need someone to listen and make understanding noises? And maybe give me some insight, because... I'm confused?"
That gets Kyouko's full attention, her head snapping in your direction fast enough that her ponytail tangles on her shoulder. She stares at you for a full minute, silent and unblinking.
"And you're asking me," she says finally, her voice flat.
"I'm asking both of you, if you're willing," you say, and grin. "I trust Yuma's opinion just as much, and I mean hey, Yuma's young, but that just means she might see things that we're too grown up to figure out."
"Just... I'm taking an IOU on that damn buffet," Kyouko groans. She looks like she can't believe what she's saying, either, the words forced between gritted teeth. "It's too early for that and shut up, I'm fine, we ate the damn breakfast this morning. But I am going to collect, and we are getting snacks first."
"... good, because I have to admit I'm not sure it's actually open yet," you admit. "It's one of those fancy hotel restaurant deals."
Kyouko makes a grumbling noise and sighs.
"Aight," she says reluctantly. "Not here, I figure. 'Less you want t' pour your heart out in the ass end of nowhere."
You look around at the steel frame of the gantry crane, one of those massive things used to unload cargo. This crane isn't currently in use, but the dock area is a bustling thing, shouts and the rumble of machinery echoing up to you. Frankly, it's a matter of time before someone spots the three of you up here.
"... yeah, no, not here," you agree. "Uh."
"Top of the bridge," Kyouko grunts. "We'll hit a convenience shop along the way or something. You're buying, since you're so worried 'bout that sort of thing."
"Yeah, sure," you say. The bridge... there's plenty of bridges in Mitakihara, but there's only one that you'd call the bridge, without specifying - the big suspension bridge that links Mitakihara to Kasamino, across the widest part of the river, and it's not far.
Sure enough, Kyouko leads you up along the river, and points out a convenience store. You don't quite buy it out, but the shopkeep manning the counter does look at you oddly as you walk out with a sampling of virtually everything on the shelves, from cake to chocolate. You ignore that and catch up to Kyouko and Yuma atop one of the big bridge pylons, cars rumbling along far beneath you and boats even further below.
"Alright," Kyouko grumbles as you settle down on the sun-warmed steel plate atop the bridge. She props her elbow on her knee and scowls at you. "Spill."
"Privacy first, I'm not giving the white rat any ideas," you say, sitting cross-legged. You'd unravelled your last construct, but with enchanted Grief at your disposal, it's only the work of a couple minutes to form a new one, Kyouko grumpily peeling a few oranges to share with Yuma as they wait.
"Alright," you say as you set the privacy construct down before you and accepting an orange slice from Yuma. "So. Mm. I guess... about forty-five minutes ago, I... found out that actually succeeding in removing Grief maybe feels a bit like going against my Wish?"
"Oh, fuck off," Kyouko says, scowling. She's halfway to her feet, orange peel tossed to one side by the time you blink and lurch forward to snag her by the wrist.
"Wait- please, I'm serious," you blurt. "I'm not joking- Kyouko, please-"
"What the fuck, Sabrina," she spits. She doesn't sit back down, but she doesn't leave, either, tugging out of your grasp so she can fold her arms. "You?"
"I don't know," you say. "I don't know, and that's why I want to talk to someone about it."
"Jesus Christ," Kyouko mutters. "Why me?"
"You're insightful, when you want to be, and Yuma's always been a smart cookie?" you say. You start to shrug, and grimace, thinking better of it. Might as well be truthful. "And honestly, you caught me right as I was needing a distraction, so I went with it."
"Yuma is smart," Yuma says, nodding in satisfaction.
"Fine," Kyouko groans, collapsing back into a seated position with a thump. "But you better believe I'm cashing in that IOU."
"I mean, I meant the offer," you say, relieved. "I always do."
"And you-" Kyouko makes a vague, encompassing gesture in your direction. "You're telling me you are rethinking your Wish?"
"No, I'm not," you say. "I'm certain of my Wish... speaking of, uh. I don't think I've told you exactly what it is, so... do you want me to tell you my Wish first, or the story first?"
Dusky crimson eyes regard you, that sharp annoyance fading into something more serious, more analytical.
"Wish first," Kyouko says.
"... well. Right," you say, inhaling. The words spring to your lips easily, carved indelibly in your memory and ringing out just as clearly as they did that day not so long ago. "'I wish to control grief! My own! That of others! The grief of the Witches! All of it!'"
"Ambitious," Kyouko allows, expression flat. "And what's the problem?"
"Well..." You take a deep breath and launch into the story, recounting what had happened. And even like this, just recalling it, just talking about it, you can feel your stomach churning, that sensation clawing at your throat.
"... and it just..." you roll your hand, trying to demonstrate what it feels like. "It feels awful. It burns, like... I dunno, acid reflux or something. It doesn't feel right, it just- I thought it might be my Wish or my magic interacting weirdly with theirs, but I'm not sure and-"
Kyouko makes a wordless, aggrieved noise that has your mouth clicking shut as she buries her face in her hands. Yuma gives her a concerned look, then a slightly accusatory glance turns your way, to which you can only grimace - this sort of is your fault for asking, after all.
"Jesus Christ," she groans, muffled. "Just- just go ask Ma-" She chokes off her words, eyes flicking up to look at you. "No- no, ignore that, I- fuck, give me a minute."
You nod silently. As much as you want to ask, you resist, letting Kyouko finish gathering her thoughts.
"OK. OK," Kyouko mutters, raising her head to glare at you. "Here's what we're gonna do. You are gonna shut up and listen to me. If I ask a question, it's gonna be a yes or no. You nod or you shake your head. I know how much you love the sound of your own voice, but it's my turn now. You need to listen. Understand?"
You want to argue, but... that would defeat the point, so you just shut up and nod, as instructed.
"Right," Kyouko says, her drawl thickening. "First thing. You've mentioned you have... amnesia before. Yeah? You know all 'bout magic and how to talk and all. But no like... childhood memories and stuff. Yeah?"
You raise an eyebrow, then nod slowly. You've mentioned as much to her before, sure, though you're not really sure why that's relevant.
"Mrg," Kyouko says. Her eyes bore into you, unyielding, dusky crimson all but flensing you to the bone. Dissecting, and thoughtful. "And guessin' from your expression, just talking about the whole thing with the twins makes you feel the same way as when you first saw it. Exactly the same, exactly as bad. Yeah?"
A slower nod, because if anything, 'bad' is an understatement.
"Then it's not magic, dumbass," Kyouko says, rolling her eyes and making a starburst gesture with her hands. "Congratulations, you experienced a negative emotion. 's called jealousy. No, shut up." She jabs a finger at you. "Shut up and think about it."
You rock back.
... sure, the idea of it being jealousy had occurred to you. But it doesn't make sense. You want other people to be able to do what you do, to genuinely be able to Cleanse Grief. That's your entire mission - you want to help people. If someone else can do the same, so much the better. And there had always existed the possibility that you hadn't Wished for what you did, it's a good thing that a 'backup' method exists.
"No," Kyouko snaps. "Close that mouth and think about it for longer than two seconds."
You close your mouth, mutinous, and you can feel your jaw clenching with the effort of not arguing. But you did promise, and so you subside, force yourself to exhale, and force back the words clawing up your throat, and force yourself to untense your shoulders, and you think.
It doesn't make sense for you to be jealous. That's obvious, right? You're not the type of person who gets jealous about things, especially not something as silly as this. Not about something that is, objectively, a good thing.
So why does it burn?
Why that jolt as you remember the Soujus' trick, tugging Grief back and forth until it dissipates, that pang in your stomach like acid eating at you?
Kyouko says it's not magic. But it could be some kind of interaction she doesn't know of - after all, given the sheer breadth and depth of human experience, given magic in all its myriad, individualistic expression, she might be wrong. Some kind of instinct, warning you of a problem or something. That's what instincts are for, after all - warning you of danger. Of spoiled food, of predators lurking in the dark.
But...
But you do know what it's like, when your instincts are screaming at you. You know what it's like, when Grief is under the control of something else. You'd just experienced it, after all, tearing through the Barrier of a Witch. The screaming wrongness of something you oppose with every fiber of your soul. You know what it's like when you need to dodge, the sum total of your senses warning you of danger before you even think it through.
What you'd experienced with the Soujus, or even just thinking of the Soujus isn't that. Isn't any of that.
"Normal people deal with emotions by having other memories. Good times, bad times, whatever," Kyouko says, softer, meditative. "Things have been worse before, and things get better eventually, it's contrast. You've got not a single thing in that empty head o' yours, and the tiniest bit of jealousy and you blow it all out of proportion."
You can't possibly be that petty.
Can you?
But emotions aren't rational. You know that. But maybe... maybe Kyouko's right. Because ultimately, you've just... never experienced this sort of thing before? Never looked at someone else who could do what you thought only you can, and worried about it. Never worried that maybe you aren't necessary after all.
"Oi. Sabrina." Kyouko's voice startles you out of your reverie, and you look up to find her kneeling in front of you, expression serious. "Ease up on yourself."
"What-" When did you start clenching your fists like that? When did you hunch in on yourself like that? You feel Yuma's hands trying to smooth yours out, much smaller fingers gently nudging at yours with worried eyes peering up at you.
You force yourself to relax, to not wince at the little divots left in the base of your palm by your fingernails, to not tighten your shoulders like that. It only takes a thought to wipe away the Grief seething in your Soul Gem, that little bit more weight leaving your shoulders, and you shoot Yuma a grateful smile. Strained, maybe, but honest.
It's... not about being necessary, or not, or whether someone else has some small overlap with your magic or not.
Being able to cleanse Soul Gems isn't even the greatest thing you can do. It certainly helps, yeah. You doubt that it would be as easy to get Homura to go along with you if you didn't have your magic, after all. But even then, you'd be able to get through to her. To Mami, to Sayaka, to Kyouko... to Madoka. It might be harder, but you believe in yourself that much, at least.
... maybe you are a bit jealous.
You shouldn't be.
There's no good reason to be.
You can find that path to the happy ending, regardless. Regardless. You know you can.
But... emotions aren't rational.
Dammit.
"There y' go," Kyouko says, and sits back on her haunches, snorting out a rough laugh. "'fraid I've got no good advice for dealing with jealousy. Else I'd take my own damn advice, eh?"
Your eyes snap up to her.
"Oh, don't worry 'bout me getting between you and Mami," Kyouko grumbles. "I'm over it. So, y'know. Welcome to humanity. It kinda sucks sometimes."
"Mami doesn't resent you or anything, you know," you say. You know Kyouko told you to just listen, but it feels like the right time to speak up. "And she still worries about you, and wants to get to know you again. Things aren't completely blown up between the two of you."
"I know that," Kyouko says, rolling her eyes. "But you damn well know what I mean. Just... just too much said and done 'tween the two of us. Just gotta deal with it."
Just gotta deal with it.
... yeah. It still sits uneasy with you, that acid burn in your stomach at the thought you might not be necessary, but... you know that's not true. You've just got to deal with it.
Kyouko pats down her pockets and produces a trio of chocolate bars, chucking one at you while passing the other to Yuma. Full-sized chocolate bars, at that. You hesitate for a moment before unwrapping it and taking a big chomp out of it, letting the nougaty, sugar-loaded sweetness fill your mouth and occupy your mouth, at least for a bit.
You let yourself savour the sensations. The steel plating, warm beneath you, mirroring the sun above. The cool wind, winding past you, the rush of waves along the river and the rumble of cars on the bridge-road beneath, the chocolate on your tongue, disappearing in a few quick bites. The creamy goodness settles in your stomach and soothes it, just a bit.
You let it ground you.
"Big sis is a bad influence," Yuma observes, snacking daintily on her own chocolate bar.
"Yeah, definitely," you say, snickering for a moment before sobering. You smile at Kyouko, putting every scrap of sincerity and gratitude you can into it. "But... thank you, Kyouko. I needed to hear that, I think, and... well, I'll learn to deal with it, I suppose."
"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," Kyouko grumbles and looking away uncomfortably. "And like I said, welcome to being human. It sucks. An' I'm taking you up on that buffet one day soon."
"I'm good for it," you say, nodding firmly.
[] Continue hanging out with Kyouko (this will be Witch hunting)
[] Telepathy Mami, see if she's free to talk
- [] Discuss recent revelations
[] Something else?
- [] You haven't seen the Animators in a while!
- [] Maybe Niko's body-creation efforts would benefit from your help?
- [] Someone else?
[] Write-in (word count limit: 150 words)
=====
Finally got the update here. I'm really sorry about how long this one took - I'm saying that a lot, these past few updates, but man, this one was egregious, and I'm so sorry about that. Travelling across multiple timezones totally wiped me out, and I wasn't able to write properly. But we're finally back, and hopefully I'll be able to keep it back!
"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," Kyouko grumbles and looking away uncomfortably. "And like I said, welcome to being human. It sucks. An' I'm taking you up on that buffet one day soon."
Sabrina does have an issue with taking her own humanity into account, doesn't she? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Kyoko pinning that on the amnesia is a new angle, though.
Scan our soul with the soul scanner, just in case, maybe vent about this to Mami while cuddling with her, and... what's on the docket for the rest of the day?
Why, exactly, can other grief controllers not actually cleanse soul gems and grief seeds (without using the Sojuus' technique)? Does the power needed to hold grief in midair exceed the rate at which they can cleanse their own gem? Why don't they just dump grief into the environment?
Looking through the fanart, I saw a picture of Nadia Bennouna. Honestly, it seems extremely revealing for someone who comes from a Muslim country. She might not be Muslim, and not all Muslims dress conservatively (I had a high school classmate and neighbor who was a Syrian refugee; she claimed to be Muslim but never wore a hijab and habitually wore short shorts), but I still find it kind of odd that someone of her hackground would wear such a provocative costume.
Reading through the fic, I see Sabrina smiling at people constantly, which probably is not a good idea. In the US, a lot of people smile by default, and will smile when greeting or even making eye contact with strangers, but in many other countries, people just don't smile as much. In fact, I have read that smiling at others in Japan could make them think you are duplicitous, crazy, drunk/stoned/high, or trying to flirt. People might be somewhat understanding, as Sabrina looks white and has a white name, but the constant smiling is probably not doing Sabrina any favors on the social front (that is, if Firnagzen is aware of this fact).
Anecdotally, I spent my early childhood in China, living with relatives while my parents attended graduate school, and when I came to the US, both preschool teachers and later afterschool counselors separately brought up to my parents that they thought I was depressed because I rarely smiled. And while Japan is not China, I have read that it is not a particularly smiley country, either.
Additionally, I repeatedly see Sabrina bringing up therapy as something that is important, and others seem to agree with her, and think that it would be beneficial. I find this somewhat unrealistic.
Today, therapy is mostly something that is favored by liberal westerners. Most non-westerners, as well as western conservatives, tend to believe that mental healthcare is fake, that therapy is for crazy people and that they aren't crazy, that mental issues are caused by insufficient willpower and that therapy is useless, or some combination thereof, and even those who want to pursue therapy will often avoid it because their peers would look down on them for doing so. A cursory Google search tells me that Asian Americans seek therapy 50% less than the general population, and that is in a country where therapy is fairly mainstream. In actual Asia, therapy will probably be even more stigmatized, and most of the Meguca we interact with would probably be very skeptical both about seeking therapy themselves and about the value of bringing therapists into Constellation.
Like, out of dozens of relatives on both sides of my family in China, I think only one person (mom's younger brother's wife) has ever actually attended therapy (for depression), and she eventually killed herself.
I had a hunch it'd be something like this, doesn't make it any less sad tho...
Kyouko is right that people deal with 'life' by drawing from their experiences. That's a big reason why a person's childhood is so important for their development.
And even then, those experiences don't really remove the feelings later in life. They just help in processing them.
To not have any of that at all however is... damn.
I can understand why this thought arises from Sabrina, as jealousy is often portrayed as a petty thing to feel (probably seems especially bad in this context)
From my experience though, that's rarely ever the case. Usually when you dig deep enough into any feeling, you'll see the roots touch on some deeply personal areas. I'd say that's probably the case with Sabrina as well.
I'd also say that feelings (and thoughts) don't define a person. I can feel like hitting every person i meet with my wooden bat, but that doesn't make me violent. Only my actions can do that.
In any case, i hope Sabrina can come accept her feelings as part of her. I'm also hopeful Sabrina can work trough these feelings (in time). She might not have many memories, but there are a lot of wonderful people in her life that are willing to offer their support.
Sabrina does have an issue with taking her own humanity into account, doesn't she? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Kyoko pinning that on the amnesia is a new angle, though.
Scan our soul with the soul scanner, just in case, maybe vent about this to Mami while cuddling with her, and... what's on the docket for the rest of the day?
I think that we should hold off on the conversation with Mami until we're there in her presence. Telepathy means the Incubator is eavesdropping, and fuck giving the rat ammo to use on us.
Beyond that, I'm thinking that havnig Sabrina spend some more time with Kyouko, rather than just getting what she came for and ducking out might be a good call for building on their friendship.
[X] Continue hanging out with Kyouko (this will be Witch hunting)
From my experience though, that's rarely ever the case. Usually when you dig deep enough into any feeling, you'll see the roots touch on some deeply personal areas. I'd say that's probably the case with Sabrina as well.
I think that we should hold off on the conversation with Mami until we're there in her presence. Telepathy means the Incubator is eavesdropping, and fuck giving the rat ammo to use on us.
