True, but it's poor sportsmanship to go around literally flying to catch every high ball in midair.








:V
To me, that just sounds like we need a new version of softball.

One in which each team has a Sayaka, flying around trying to catch the ball, so each team needs to know where the opponent Sayaka is, so they can bat the ball the other way.

Sorry Harry, you can't play anymore...
Quidditch, and the Seeker position, were created specifically to make no sense, to make the Seeker the only player that mattered, and make everyone else irrelevant.

Really, removing Harry (the Seeker) and the Snitch would make the game actually start making sense. :p
 
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Really, removing Harry (the Seeker) and the Snitch would make the game actually start making sense. :p

"Insert a snide remark that removing Harry from the books completely would make them more sensible overall" :V

Hmm. Who would be who in PMMM/HP crossover?
Because Harry-Madoka, Ron-Sayaka and Hermione-Homura makes sense, but not really.
...
Is Dumbledore a Kyuubey?
 
Quidditch, and the Seeker position, were created specifically to make no sense, to make the Seeker the only player that mattered, and make everyone else irrelevant.

Really, removing Harry (the Seeker) and the Snitch would make the game actually start making sense. :p


Remove the Seeker position and add a goddamn set time limit to games (That is such bullshit, it makes it more difficult for both the fans and the players since nobody knows how long they're going to be out there) and you basically have Wizard Hockey.


Anyways, I return from no internet for a week (Fuck you very much Verison) having played what is possibly Madoka's Favorite Game. I'm of course talking about Castlevania: Curse of Darkness... Now hear me out here, C:CoD is a very silly game under the thin vernier of being a dark and edgy Devil May Cry Ripoff. It also has an unhealthy focus on chairs, from having all save rooms and elevators be various chairs/thrones, to having a special room that is essentially a endless happy flowering plane filled with all the chairs you collected. it has secret rooms dedicated to containing hidden chairs. and every chair has a small description either explaining it's origin or how it relates to people.

The plot... isn't anything special, Hector(the protagonist) is kinda a genderbent version of Homura (always serious, perfect hair, devoted to his love to the point of making a deal with the devil to avenge her ect.) but that's where the parallels end really. Still, it has a Time-traveling Ringmaster who calls himself Saint Germaine and is essentially a walking talking Doctor Who reference. among other silly things.

What I'm saying is that, we should get it for her next birthday. She'd love it.
 
Remove the Seeker position and add a goddamn set time limit to games (That is such bullshit, it makes it more difficult for both the fans and the players since nobody knows how long they're going to be out there) and you basically have Wizard Hockey.


Anyways, I return from no internet for a week (Fuck you very much Verison) having played what is possibly Madoka's Favorite Game. I'm of course talking about Castlevania: Curse of Darkness... Now hear me out here, C:CoD is a very silly game under the thin vernier of being a dark and edgy Devil May Cry Ripoff. It also has an unhealthy focus on chairs, from having all save rooms and elevators be various chairs/thrones, to having a special room that is essentially a endless happy flowering plane filled with all the chairs you collected. it has secret rooms dedicated to containing hidden chairs. and every chair has a small description either explaining it's origin or how it relates to people.

The plot... isn't anything special, Hector(the protagonist) is kinda a genderbent version of Homura (always serious, perfect hair, devoted to his love to the point of making a deal with the devil to avenge her ect.) but that's where the parallels end really. Still, it has a Time-traveling Ringmaster who calls himself Saint Germaine and is essentially a walking talking Doctor Who reference. among other silly things.

What I'm saying is that, we should get it for her next birthday. She'd love it.
There, so we don't forget. :p

 
[x] Onmur

Huh, I guess I hadn't voted yet. Last two days solid were packing to move, until last night I hadn't slept more than 4 hours of 72 or so. Good that there weren't any high-velocity explosive revelations in that time, I guess. I mean, aside from @Onmur's excellent Omake, which, by the by, excellent. Brings to mind, though, long term we're gonna likely run into cases like this- we may want to have crisis response protocol outlined eventually.

Now to write a very very very late update and then tidy up Magical Girl Voldemort finally, mwargh...
 
Oh- another thing. I was watching the first Madoka movie and reading the manga on the airplane on my tablet and I had a thought: When Mami lost her head and Homura had to jump in to save Madoka and Sayaka, you know how Sayaka is all like "give that back, it belongs to Mami" about the grief seed, and Homura is like "that's right. This belongs to a magical girl; you two have no right to it" and whatever? And I feel like I tend to see people reacting like "Homura, that's not how you you get Sayaka and Madoka to not want to contract, that's basically egging them on, how are you expecting that to make them not contract" about how she says it, right? But I had the thought that it's entirely possible, I would perhaps think even likely, that Homura doesn't see it like that, that she thinks this is an entirely reasonable thing to say to stop someone from contracting- because she's thinking about what she would have said to her past self.

Like, from what we see of Moemura, what we get about Homura generally, is that 'high self esteem' is not really on the list of her virtues. And we can pick apart things, in the series and in Rebellion and whatnot, to sort of see the shape of things that Homura isn't really inclined to believe that she deserves anything, whether that's Madoka's friendship, or being saved, or, depending on how you take things, a life generally. It's the sort of thing that tends to come along with stuff like asking permission for everything, no matter how trivial, or being really careful with the things she has she does have and values (e.g. Madoka's friendship or even kindness) because, of course, if she doesn't deserve them than it would be less than nothing for someone to realize that and renege on them or take them away and she wouldn't really even be surprised. Hurt, maybe, but not surprised. Or it comes with "I'mma just do whatever because fuck hell, I don't matter, and even wanting anything is selfish, so if I'm selfish for wanting things, I'mma go ahead and be selfish about things now that I have the ability to be", in somewhat the style of the end of Rebellion* (reasoning that I absolutely suspect that Akuma Homura would apply to absolutely trivial things such as **gasp** jaywalking, truly the most devilish of sins, worthy of the absolute fiery pits of hell!).
* my thoughts on Rebellion being a complex mess that this is a highly incomplete soundbite of.

My point being that I would nearly bet money that, in another lifetime, if Homura had been offered a contract (without any Madoka-related impetus) but was indecisive about her wish, and a meguca who seemed to have a handle on things went and told her "This [a grief seed] belongs to a magical girl; you have no right to it", well I'd bet that she'd have taken it as 'you don't have any right to be a magical girl' and it would have discouraged her. Because it would have reminded her, validated the thought, that she doesn't have what it takes to be meguca, doesn't deserve to be meguca. And it would have also said to her, 'you are not wanted here, by me, to be a magical girl; you are not wanted here at all, and I am discarding you'. And it's an awful thing to say with that intent to Sayaka and Madoka, but it fits with Homura's "say alarmingly drastic things in order to provoke a strong response, because it's better to be unhappy than to be dead of Witches or Witching" thing. It's just, if this is the case, then Homura can't even conceive of the idea that someone could value themselves enough to take "that belongs to a magical girl; you have no right to it" as a challenge to become a magical girl as opposed to something pushing them away from the job by denigrating their worth for it.

And I dunno, I may be entirely off, since it's also just as much the sort of sentence that could be meant to warn someone off in the most immediate sense (i.e. 'this world is dangerous and you aren't a part of it, drop it and leave') without considering the other implications fully. And maybe people have considered this idea before. I dunno, it was a thought that was interesting when I realized it, is all. Not, er... fully certain how topical it might be here aside from our general analysis of how to think about interactions with our Homura...
 
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Also, somehow the manga makes Mami's death even more disturbing, and Madoka returning to her empty apartment even more heartbreaking. So that was unexpected fun. Quite.
 
:thonk:

Fake edit: Ah, what the fuck, I though I had a joke I wanted to make but it's been an hour and this has clearly spiralled out of my control.

Fake edit 2: Make that two hours.

Fake edit 3: Make that way too long and really rushed at the end and I really need to sleep, and curse you, DB. :V


It happened on a cold saturday morning.

A slight wisp of a girl walked gloomily down the sidestreets, sighing to herself for the nth time.

Useless.

A ring sporting hand rubbed at dry eyes without need, as by habit. Those eyes were had long since dried up.

A punishing cold breeze had the girl hugging herself for warmth, her thin shirt and skirt doing little to protect her from the elements. She could've ran back home, she thought, changed into something warmer, but she'd probably run into- no, the cold was her punishment for running off without stopping to check the weather. She deserved it.

Murmurs reached her ears, fuzzy, distant, as if coming from underwater, or rather, the opposite-

She pushed up and up through the dark water crushing her from all sides, bubbles explode from her as they pushed down and down and jeered-

A buzzing in her ears died down and she stood alone. The girl's head rose for a second, contemplating the open school gates. Hesitating.

"I failed," she repeated.

"Again."

Her head dropped. She couldn't stand to look into those eyes, showing no trace of anger, not even disappointment. Not anymore.

They only told her what she already knew.

Useless.


Ahead, more punishment, which she deserved. Behind, guilt which wouldn't wash off.

She turned around, walked away, hating the fact they would know as soon as the school called, hating that they wouldn't care.

She knew, somewhere, she was making it worse, but in her heart she felt as if she couldn't sink any lower. Stuck between bad choices, she chose to hate herself, alone.

The girl froze mid step, teeth clenched in pain. She only half-acknowledged her feet had brought her into an alleyway as she brought up her hand, allowing her silver ring to flash and transform.

An dark, egg shaped Gem stood on her palm, its dull, maroon shine obscured by sickly gouts of black and green mist.

She rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, again, as much as they burned, no more tears slipped free from them.

The poor, cold, trembling girl clenched her Soul Gem with both hands, holding it to her mouth.

"I should take care of you, at least," she whispered to her soul, "you're wrong, but I can't let you hurt anybody else..."

You don't deserve to.

She uncupped her hands, staring at the Gem. If she looked closely, she could swear it shone a little brighter...

"Geez, that looks bad."

She jumped, fright shooting her nerves as she spun and drew her Soul Gem close together protectively.

"Easy!" yelled a blue haired girl, raising her hands-

An eep! escaped the thin girl's lips as she backed away from the sudden intruder who wasn't there a second earlier, or maybe she was and she hadn't seen her because she was dumb and useless like that, and she backpedaled back back back-

Crashed against something soft and-

Big, strong hand gripping down her shoulder, crushing-

She shrieked and elbowed something and leaped aside, stumbling, barely catching herself, a hand on the wall and her heart beating a mile a second.

Her shaking eyes made out two girls, the blue one and another one, also blue eyed, but taller, with white hair.

Both girls leaned back, showing their hands and smiling as if... trying to calm down a rabid animal.

Her stomach twisted as if trying to choke her from inside.

Slowly, the thin girl willed her shaking breath to slow down, her dark eyes flickering between both the blue eyed girls, noting their rings.

Ah. Her teeth clenched.

I should just leave.

She half turned, knowing what was coming, not wanting to face the disappointment again, but something kept her rooted in place.

Fear? Hope? If only she could kick herself.

"Ah, hello?"

Different voice from earlier, spoke up the tall -shit, really tall- girl, smiling at her kindly... too kindly, she couldn't stand it, she had to avert her eyes! Nobody should look at her with so much warmth.

As if they cared.

"I'm Sabrina," the girl went on, unaware of, or perhaps politely ignoring, the gloomy girl's internal self-flagellation. Then she blinked, as if struck by a sudden thought. "... Vee Sabrina, but you can call me Sabrina, and my friend here is Sayaka."

"Miki Sayaka, sorry for startling you," said girl smiled apologetically, rubbing at the back of her head.

Two sets of blue eyes bore down on her, expectantly.

"Ah- I'm..." deeply instilled manners took for a fraction of a moment, before she looked back down. "It doesn't matter..." she murmured, more to herself than to anyone else.

Sabrina and Sayaka shared a glance.

The girl's eyes flew open, startled. "Ah, wait! I- I hit you, didn't I?" she cringed, staring at Sabrina. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she bowed again and again, cursing herself over the foreign looking girl's empty reassurances that she was fine.

One time someone looked at her with kindness, and the first thing she did was hit them.

Useless.

"Really, it's fine," insisted the tall girl, still smiling.

"Yeah, I've hit her harder than that," contributed the blue haired one, Sayaka.

Ah, why was she bothering learning their names? Better she didn't, it wouldn't have mattered in a matter of minutes...

Incredulous looks, half hearted jokes, dawning realization, parting ways, wondering how was she still alive...

Better... better speed things up. If she told herself that, it was easier to stand tall and face them. Just speed things along, towards the inevitable outcome.

So she did.

"Excuse my behavior," she snapped, back straight, "may I ask what do you want from me?"

Both girls seemed taken aback at her sudden change. Stomping down on a chaotic ball of nervousness, she stared pointedly at each girl's hands, or rather, at the silver rings they wore.

"Right, wait, your Gem!" Sayaka, no, the blue one yelled. "You need-"

"Cleansing, I know," the dark haired girl scoffed, "nothing new, don't worry about it. Not worth it," she added and regretted it immediately.

Pity flashed across the other girl's blue eyes, making her want nothing more than to look away. She gave her best glare instead.

"I was about to go take care of this, so if you'll excuse me-"

"Please, hear us out before you go?" asked Sa- the taller one. "Just give us a minute of your time, we can cleanse your Gem in exchange?"

"I don't-" deserve "-need your charity," she snarled, wishing she could actually turn around and walk away.

"Hey," the blue one pitched in, "we can help-"

"Save it."

"Please, just-"

"I don't-"

"She can cleanse Soul Gems!" snapped Sayaka, pointing at her friend.

The thin girl blinked, the words not quite processing in her mind. Once they did, she felt all other feeling, all anger, annoyance, guilt, shrink back to leave one thought in her mind.

Unfair.

"It's true," nodded the tall girl, still holding onto that infuriating smile, "if I may demonstrate?" a subdued flash of light had her white Soul Gem stand on her palm, shining strongly, almost indecently clean.

The next thought that ran through the girl's mind was that it couldn't be true, but, then... she just nodded, eyes flickering between her own, murky Soul Gem -held protectively- and Sabrina's own -proudly displayed.

A theatrical nod and a swipe of Sabrina's hand-

Grief.

The girl flinched at the nauseous, familiar feeling, eyes boggling, following the trail of dark miasma, before snapping back to the white Gem.

It was completely, absolutely clean.

"Unfair..." she whispered, shaking her head, "you... you can do that?!" she snapped, only to ignore the humble nods she got in answer, "you- you...! You could help people, you could make a difference! Out there, you, you could..."

A sense of dreadful, dawning realization crawled its way down her spine.

"You're... here to help me."

"That's right," both blue eyed girls nodded, confirming her fear.

"No, no... just for m-me? No-no, y-you can't..." that was as far as her coherence reached, a stream of inarticulate denials spilled from her mouth as she backed away from the magical girls who clearly were too good to be in her presence...

"Excuse me," the tall girl took a firm step forward and motioned towards her, before drawing back her hand-

She gasped, a feeling of lightness filling her as opposed to the weariness that flowed out of her shoulders, or rather, her Soul Gem...

The girl held her head with one hand.

Clear.

Her mind felt clear, for the first time in how long?

So of course, the first thing she though...

"I can't repay you for this."

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Of course, miraculous cheating powers or not, getting her Soul Gem clean didn't erase the past fourteen years of her life.

She knew her parents wanted to have a boy. Well, fuck them. She lived to disappoint.

... But, maybe... she looked up at the two girls, who regarded her as someone would regard an armed bomb -ha!

Maybe she could make an effort, even if she would disappoint them in the end.

"I'm sorry," she bowed just once, "I've been rude, could we start over?"

"Of course!"



"... So you're just out to... help... everyone?"

"Pretty much."

The girl looked down at her half eaten burger. Sabrina, by comparison, had already cleaned her plate, while Sayaka hadn't ordered anything.

"That sounds... great," she bit out.

"Well," Sabrina shrugged humbly, "I wished I could help the magical girls I could reach, at least."

"Yeah," snorted Sayaka, "and you're reaching all across Japan already. Soon, the world."

"That's... a tall order," the girl put down her burguer, her arms feeling heavy all of a sudden. "You... you need a lot of help, if you really want to help everyone, huh?"

Her lips spread into a sardonic smile. Finally.

"You're wasting your time," she explained, "I can't help you. At all."

"That's fine," Sabrina made a waving motion, as if she could dispel the thin girl's sheer uselessness with a thought. Now that'd be a miracle. "I'm happy to be able to help, you know?"

That called for her to nod along, shut up, and let it be. Just be a good little charity case, take the girls' offer they had made and insisted on a few times -a Grief Seed that could last decades!- and let them forget about her.

"It sucks, though," so of course she spoke up, "I wish I could repay you in any way, but I'm just... useless."

There, she said it. If only it made her feel something.

"I know how that feels," grumbled Sayaka.

"Really?" she scoffed. "Aren't you on a quest to save the world, or something? What would you know?"

"Hey," cut in Sabrina, covering for a frowning Sayaka. "There's no need, if you want to help, I'm sure you could do something. Say, do you know other magical girls you could introduce us to?"

"Nope, I've got no friends." She didn't sound bitter. At all. Really. "Before you ask, I've no useful skills, no friends, not even useful magical powers, not even for combat," she shrugged.

"That... doesn't sound right," blinked Sayaka, "if nothing else, all magical girls get powers that let them fight Witches, right?"

Sabrina nodded.

The thing girl scoffed. "Well, I managed to fuck up even that. With my Wish. Do you want to know what my power is?" she grumbled, challenging them to ask.

Of course, they bit.

"My power..." she drawled... "is to explode."

The blue eyed girls blinked.

"To make things explode?"

"To explode Witches?"

"If only," she rolled her eyes. "But no, that would be useful, while I'm, my power? Completely useless, see," she went on, building up a rant, "I got this amazingly -useless- power to explode myself, because I made an extremely stupid Wish and- well, not to go into details, but I can basically detonate parts of my body. If I want to kill a Witch? Throw a finger at it and..."

"... Geez," whispered Sayaka.

Sabrina picked up her jaw. "And healing back up afterwards...?"

The dark haired girl grimaced.

"Aw, well, I'm all the gladder to have found you..."

"... I wish I could help. I don't wanna be a charity case..."

Sabrina's eyes lit up suddenly.

"Well, you know, Sayaka here can copy magical girl powers..."

"Do you want to kill your friend?!" snapped the thin girl.

"No, no, see..."

"I'm a clone," explained the blue haired girl.

"... What."

"I'm a clone. I copied a girl who can make clones, so I'm actually at school right now."

"So what you're saying..."

"What I'm saying..."

"Exploding clones!" breathed Sabrina, a far away look in her eyes. Then, slowly, she turned to Sayaka.

"Don't say it," muttered the blue haired girl.

"My cute little kouhai is totally a Naruto ninja."

"Ugh... eh?"

Sayaka found her hand firmly clasped by that of the girl with exploding powers.

... When she put it that way, it was kind of terrifying. Even if she was a clone.

"Copy me."

"Are you-"

"Copy me," she insisted.

Finally. Finally, she'd get to do something useful!"

"I mean," she blinked, "you could use my power, right?"

"Uh, yeah, how big can you explode?" asked Sayaka, feeling weird.

"Pretty sure I could level a few blocks- O-of course I wouldn't, though!" she added quickly, glaring at the two girls as if daring them to doubt her.

Sabrina hummed. "Hey Sayaka, how many clones did you say you could use at the same time?"

"Last I tried, twelve?"

"Copy her."

"But I still haven't explained-"

"Copy me."

"Walpurgisnacht isn't gonna kill herself, copy, copy!"

"OK, geez! I get it! Copying!"

"..."

"... Is it done?"

"A-yup! Uh..."

Sayaka made a motion with her hand... then stared at her palm.

"Did you say 'a few blocks'...?" she gulped.

"Yeah? I mean, I haven't tried, why?"

Rather than answering, the copied showed what she was holding.

A Gem. Very similar to the exploding girl's Soul Gem, except yellow instead of blue.

And just like her Gem in its transformed state, it showed a peculiar design. The circular crystal and the gilding came together to form a ionizing radiation symbol, the sort that was associated with...

"You're a nuke," said Sabrina.

"Useless power," she shrugged.

But the tall girl shook her head. "You know, I've got a friend I'd like you to meet..."

"Wait," cut in Sayaka, "Homura? She would store her in her Shield- probably, I mean, can she do that?"

"I don't know," complained Sabrina, "she never tries, no matter how many times I ask."

"Have you asked her that?" Sayaka raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not in- you know, the metaknowledge..."

That was the point the thin, exploding girl sat down, accepted the conversation had quickly spiralled outside her comprehension, and went back to eating her half finished, cold burguer.

It tasted great. Well, not really. What tasted great was the feelings of finally feeling she had contributed something. To someone.

Not useless.

Huh... what kind of wish would turn someone into the world's most literal suicide bomber? Wishing for someone else to explode?
 
Huh... what kind of wish would turn someone into the world's most literal suicide bomber? Wishing for someone else to explode?
Hah, I get it, you're asking because of your username. :V

Hm. If I can get back into my mindset from when I totally didn't mean to write all that, but ended doing so and staying hours after I was falling asleep on my seat... Let's say the Wish wasn't necessarily to explode anything, and it wasn't supposed to target someone else in particular, but rather it was meant to hurt quite a lot of people, and was made with a lot of self destructive feelings and guilt in mind.

The convoluted thing, in my mind, ended up being how did the meguca not die, which I would summarize as "fortunate circumstances"... which served to underline the terribleness of the Wish made in anger... which lead into more guilt... but I don't feel like actually fleshing this out. :p
 
Other thoughts as I rewatch Madoka through the world of let's watches- in episode 4 when Kyousuke flips out at Sayaka about how she's torturing him making him to listen to music, and he's like "I can't even move my fingers anymore. I can't even feel pain. My hand is worthless!", I can't help connecting that to Sayaka's own whole flip-out later on when everyone gets lichbombed. I dunno, that had to be some words that Sayaka was dwelling on, they sort of sound like the kind of thing that echoes afterwards in your head, a kick in the gut that you can't stop thinking about. It's possible that at least a little bit of the reason Sayaka was so certain that she'd lost Kyousuke, aside from the cultural factors around the lichbomb being a major major issue, was maybe that she was connecting the lichbomb stuff with Kyousuke declaring his hand worthless and citing the lack of feeling pain as part of it. If she was already in a bad brainplace over the lichbomb itself, then if there was even a single moment she made the connection between that and Kyousuke's words, I dunno, it feels like that's the sort of thing that your brain will easily pick up and run with and replay over and over out of context and use to reinforce the negative thought spiral. Even if Kyousuke wouldn't have reacted that way about Sayaka and the state of being meguca, hell, even if he'd had the chance to say that Sayaka was fine to her face, there would always be that nagging doubt. We don't get to choose what people remember about us and what we've done, and all that. So in canon, when Sayaka was going all "I really can't feel pain anymore", I can't help but wonder if, in that moment, that conversation with Kyousuke was echoing in her mind.

In PMAS, and see how I'm trying desperately to keep my observations on topic? }=o) , of course we arrive in time to keep Mami alive, well before episode 4 would have taken place... We told Sayaka about the lichbomb before she decided to contract, so she knew it going in... And it's noted that our arrival (or at least Firn, and thus our arrival) has kept Sayaka busy enough that she hadn't been bringing Kyousuke all the music and insisting he listen to it, and between that and our healing his hand, the ill-fated conversation itself seems to have been butterflied away. From what we've seen Sayaka mention of Kyousuke lately, she doesn't seem to have that mess of 'being meguca means I have entirely lost Kyousuke and I can never be around him again' thing going on, and I can't help wondering if that's not only because of how differently she entered into the contract knowing of the lichbomb and making the decision willfully, but may also be because she doesn't have those words from Kyousuke floating around her head waiting to latch onto a particularly bad day. We may have other things we need to watch with her, like making sure she knows she can help (e.g. with dewitching, if/when she learns the Witchbomb), but, I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking that when or if we need to address the Facts of Life with Sayaka, it's interesting that there's altogether different things to keep track of than the lichbomb cascade spiral of canon.

... and generally, it's an interesting thing to be reminded of- as with all infosec, but also with social in general, we can't choose the things that people remember about us or others. There are soundbites that we don't need to leave in repeat on people's heads, and, I dunno, it just reminds me, particularly with the metaphorical eggs we have in the air as Sabrina, that we need to be mindful about ever saying things that... I dunno, things that hit harder than we intend. Offhand comments that we'll might need to know better than to make. We know a lot, and part of using that responsibly is using it to avoid the minefield, I guess, where we can. Which I think we often do a reasonable job of? Certainly don't mean to say we don't. Just, I dunno, thinking about this sort of thing always makes me wonder about the scattering of words we might leave echoing in our wake.
 
I suspect that her not making her contract and wish for Kyousuke's sake might be a factor here as well. She has not tied her sense of self-worth or sense of loss to him as she did in canon.
 
I suspect that her not making her contract and wish for Kyousuke's sake might be a factor here as well. She has not tied her sense of self-worth or sense of loss to him as she did in canon.

That certainly too, yeah, fair. Now it's all tied up in helping-ness, mwargh.

Something else interesting I thought of while rewatching, but like, Sayaka made her wish for Kyousuke in canon; for all that she arrived in the nick of time to save Madoka from HN Elly, she made her decision for Kyousuke. It might have been better for her, in canon, if she had been forced to make her wish to save her own or Madoka's life, even if the wish itself had been the same. As you say- it wouldn't have tied everything she had to Kyousuke, even if he'd still benefitted from the wish. I'm a bit curious about how things might have been different, in that case.
 
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