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Puella Magi Adfligo Systema

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Hannz said:
Well, if there aren't anymore objections...
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I'll make any objections I have in the morning, have a heated conversation about them, then mull on them for several hours, come back, make cute "Nya~" noises while apologizing for being heated, throw my objections out the window, and then either come up with new ones or decide I don't have any.

God damn 24-hour posting cycle fucking with the quality assurance department, nyah~
 
Hannz said:
[X] There's another group of magical girls in the city we'd like them to meet. Oriko Mikuni, a precognitive and the one who warned us about Sayaka getting witch kissed, and her girlfriend, Kirika.
-[X] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[X] Oriko's visions led her to think what she was doing was good, but we've put a stop to that and now, they've been helping us keep, you, Hitomi, Madoka and everyone else safe.
-[X] But we're still keeping them under strict house arrest - because Oriko was the one who burned down Sayaka's house, and Kirika was the one who pushed Hitomi down the stairs.
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Actually lemme do this now.

I like this.

That said, there's a part of me that wants to add something like "This is my take on things, and I think you should meet them and decide for yourself what you think about it" and to comment on the fact that our views aren't in line with Homura's on the issue, or even in line with Mami's, and... yeah.

But, idk, I think other people should consider that. I dunno to me this feels like whitewashing and fuzziness compared to the previous version but maybe people want that.

But it's not bad and it's probably okay and good and y'know what iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm just going to try to go to sleep now holy fuck.
 
Hannz said:
[X] There's another group of magical girls in the city we'd like them to meet. Oriko Mikuni, a precognitive and the one who warned us about Sayaka getting witch kissed, and her girlfriend, Kirika.
-[X] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[X] Oriko's visions led her to think what she was doing was good, but we've put a stop to that and now, they've been helping us keep, you, Hitomi, Madoka and everyone else safe.
-[X] But we're still keeping them under strict house arrest - because Oriko was the one who burned down Sayaka's house, and Kirika was the one who pushed Hitomi down the stairs.
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This doesn't read very well. It's kind of a quarter of a sentence?

[ ] There's two magical girls Sayaka should meet. Mikuni Oriko is, was a precognitive; she was the one who warned us about Sayaka getting Witch Kissed; and Oriko's girlfriend, Kure Kirika.
-[ ] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[ ] Oriko's a fatalistic girl who was firm on the 'ends justify the means' mindset, and used her visions to try and achieve good things... by hurting anyone and anything in the way of her goals.
-[ ] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. They've been helping us.
-[ ] The truth is, Oriko sent Kirika to push Hitomi down the stais, and was the one who burned down Sayaka's home.
 
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Kaizuki said:
Actually lemme do this now.

I like this.

That said, there's a part of me that wants to add something like "This is my take on things, and I think you should meet them and decide for yourself what you think about it" and to comment on the fact that our views aren't in line with Homura's on the issue, or even in line with Mami's, and... yeah.

But, idk, I think other people should consider that. I dunno to me this feels like whitewashing and fuzziness compared to the previous version but maybe people want that.

But it's not bad and it's probably okay and good and y'know what iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm just going to try to go to sleep now holy fuck.
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Commenting on the conflict of our views doesn't sound relevant right now. What we think and the others did is irrelevant, it's what Oriko did that matters.

We did say she'll go and meet O and K later on.

I don't know why it sounds like whitewashing. We're just stating facts and leaving unnecessary details out of the conversation. Instead of soapboxing like Sabrina usually does, she's just listing a bunch of things that Oriko did.
Onmur said:
This doesn't read very well. It's kind of a quarter of a sentence?

[ ] There's two magical girls Sayaka should meet. Mikuni Oriko is, was a precognitive; she was the one who warned us about Sayaka getting Witch Kissed; and Oriko's girlfriend, Kure Kirika.
-[ ] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[ ] Oriko's a fatalistic girl who was firm on the 'ends justify the means' mindset, and used her visions to try and achieve good things... by hurting anyone and anything in the way of her goals.
-[ ] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. They've been helping us.
-[ ] The truth is, Oriko sent Kirika to push Hitomi down the stais, and was the one who burned down Sayaka's home.
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Definitely better. Editted.
 
"I couldn't bring myself to execute the girl that burned your house down. Sorry. In my defense, it turned out, uh, sorta okay overall, because she's under house arrest now and the same precog power that gave her the whole 'ends justify the means' thing also caught you getting witch kissed just in time."
 
Hannz said:
Well, if there aren't anymore objections...

[X] "Jeez... you can't end a picnic without ice cream."
-[X] Don't move for a few seconds
-[X] "I'm too fat to get the ice cream." Sadface.
-[X] Consider making Chibi-Brina get the ice cream; remember you can't do that right now. File away the 'Chibi-Brina as food server / maid' idea for later.

[X] Ask Sayaka and Hitomi if they some time to discuss a couple of things privately once Kyousuke's back.
-[X] If they do, telepathy Mami and Homura: Go or no-go on the discussion?
--[X] If Mami and Homura give you the OK, telepathy O&K that we're about to talk to Sayaka. We'll tell them how it ends. Wish us luck.

[X] Accompany Hitomi and Sayaka back to the hospital with Kyousuke, along with Mami, while Homura escorts Madoka home.
-[X] Once that's settled, get to a more private setting and start talking.
--[J] "Sayaka, Hitomi, I have bad news for you. Kyosuke nailed The Devil Went Down to Georgia on his first try, which means he's easily one of the best in the world. You don't get that good without being laser focused on it. His first love is the violin, and he likely won't be cheating on her with either of you. Sorry."

[X] There's two magical girls Sayaka should meet. Mikuni Oriko is, was a precognitive; she was the one who warned us about Sayaka getting Witch Kissed; and Oriko's girlfriend, Kure Kirika.
-[X] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[X] Oriko's a fatalistic girl who was firm on the 'ends justify the means' mindset, and used her visions to try and achieve good things... by hurting anyone and anything in the way of her goals.
-[X] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. They've been helping us.
-[X] The truth is, Oriko sent Kirika to push Hitomi down the stairs, and was the one who burned down Sayaka's home.
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Seems fine to me. I could totally vote for this.

Actually it's basically what I originally proposed. I only went into as much detail about the fight as I did because certain persons were complaining that merely summarizing events somehow wasn't good enough.

EDIT: Except, do we really want to troll the girls about their crush right before we have a serious conversation with them? Seems counterproductive. And Sayaka doesn't know about Hitomi's crush yet, so that's a whole other can of worms....
 
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The Narrator said:
Seems fine to me. I could totally vote for this.

Actually it's basically what I originally proposed. I only went into as much detail about the fight as I did because certain persons were complaining that merely summarizing events somehow wasn't good enough.

EDIT: Except, do we really want to troll the girls about their crush right before we have a serious conversation with them? Seems counterproductive. And Sayaka doesn't know about Hitomi's crush yet, so that's a whole other can of worms....
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It's a joke that isn't really supposed to make it to the actual update, hence, the [J].

Will remove to avoid further confusion.
 
Hannz said:
-[X] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. They've been helping us.
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I don't like "They've been helping us." Maybe:

-[ ] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. That they can do good, and help people, without going to the extreme lengths they did.
 
Redshirt Army said:
I don't like "They've been helping us." Maybe:

-[ ] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better. That they can do good, and help people, without going to the extreme lengths they did.
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I'm not sure. We still need to show Sayaka some evidence that the two aren't completely malicious.

I've made the modifications below.

Also, Ugo raised a good point about involving Mami and Homura in our talk with Sayaka. We'll have more people to keep the Blueberry from going off the rails that way.

[ ] Ask Sayaka and Hitomi if they have time to discuss a couple of things privately once Kyousuke's back.
-[ ] If they do, telepathy Mami and Homura: Go or no-go on the discussion?
--[ ] If Mami and Homura give you the OK, ask Homura if she can Time Stop so the three of us can discuss what to do in private. Give them a general run-down of what you're planning to say, ask them for critique, and tell them they're welcome to chip in on the conversation if they want to.
---[ ] After that's done, telepathy O&K that we're about to talk to Sayaka. We'll tell them how it ends. Wish us luck.

[ ] Accompany Hitomi and Sayaka back to the hospital with Kyousuke, along with Mami, while Homura escorts Madoka home.
-[ ] Once that's settled, get to a more private setting and start talking. Follow the vote below if there wasn't any major modifications to our plans, otherwise, do what Mami and Homura suggested.

[ ] There's two magical girls Sayaka should meet. Mikuni Oriko is, was a precognitive; she was the one who warned us about Sayaka getting Witch Kissed; and Oriko's girlfriend, Kure Kirika.
-[ ] Remember when we said some Magical Girls are misguided? They're like that.
-[ ] Oriko's a fatalistic girl who was firm on the 'ends justify the means' mindset, and used her visions to try and achieve good things... by hurting anyone and anything in the way of her goals.
-[ ] We fought them, beat them, put them under house arrest, and have been working on convincing them they can do better, that they can do good and help people without going to the extreme lengths they did. We've made some progress, but, well, there's a reason why we haven't let them out.
-[ ] The truth is, Oriko sent Kirika to push Hitomi down the stairs, and was the one who burned down Sayaka's home.
 
Hannz said:
--[ ] If Mami and Homura give you the OK, ask Homura if she can Time Stop so the three of us can discuss what to do in private. Give them a general run-down of what you're planning to say, ask them for critique, and tell them they're welcome to chip in on the conversation if they want to.
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I don't like using Time Stop here. Homura, in particular, won't even be present during the discussion, and using blatant magic in front of everyone will put them on edge.

Just including a note about giving Mami openings to talk would have a similar effect with less issues - but even then, leaving Oriko alive was our decision. We need to be the ones talking to Sayaka, really. Foisting it off on Mami isn't a good idea.
 
Redshirt Army said:
I don't like using Time Stop here. Homura, in particular, won't even be present during the discussion, and using blatant magic in front of everyone will put them on edge.

Just including a note about giving Mami openings to talk would have a similar effect with less issues - but even then, leaving Oriko alive was our decision. We need to be the ones talking to Sayaka, really. Foisting it off on Mami isn't a good idea.
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Noted. We'll just approach Mami and Homura like normal people then.

We aren't foisting it on Mami, we're just letting her give input since Sayaka's her friend and student. At the very least, she deserves to be there when Sayaka explodes.
UbeOne said:
(You mean Sabrina's.)
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Nah. If it was ours, we'd already be riding a spaceship to the Incubator homeworld to kick some bunnycat butt.
 
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