- Location
- Australia
Call it "Revenge of the Jedi" if you want it to be a mythology gag.
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Going forward, links to content from Twitter (now X) will no longer be embedded. Pre-existing links should not be affected.
May The Invisible Hand Be With You - (Star Wars CK2-Style Quest)
- Thread starter Dr. Snark
- Start date
- Sci-Fi
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- Tags
- star wars canon what canon tsundere dice ck2 quest actions have consequences all the credits all work and no play makes ciaran a dull girl best sister capitalism ho! despairing qm teetotaller society member gotta catch 'em all insanity looting off the rails sage dice approaching spicy sheev tsundere asajj
And I just finished my survey of the southern Expansion Region. Now all that's left are the Core and Deep Core, though I'll be setting those aside from my to-do list until I have a free day to dedicate to just that.
Anyway, here's the highlights (full survey can be found on page 250, here)
At this point, I'm wondering if we already recruited him through Karada. Because if not, we should definitely go recruit him if/when we swing by Cularin.
You read that right: his name really is "Whorm Loathsom." Anyway, this is any Separatist megacorporation (affiliated with Techno Union, iirc) that's busily producing the CIS droid army.
...What I'm getting at, is that maybe this should be a Hero Action for HK-47? The quickest way to an assassin droid's heart is through his trigger finger...
Can we work with this guy? Better yet, have we already worked with this guy? (We do run a medical research-complex, after all...)
Anyway, here's the highlights (full survey can be found on page 250, here)
What Muunilist and Mygeeto are for the CIS, Circarpous is for the Republic. Sadly, they're not neutral at the moment (the Republic has had to step in to defend them from repeated attacks), but they almost certainly want to be, so this is a possible CNS recruitment target for next turn.
Depends on what Dr. Snark has to say about canonicity (it dates from before 'kyber crystals' were used for lightsabers...), but the 'Kaiburr Crystal' could be the Force-empowering artifact to end all artifacts in our archaeology search.
IGBC member, financial center -- I'll add this to the list of probable CNS recruitment targets (especially if we double-down to deal with Scipio this turn).
Iktotch is a planetary Force nexus, whose native species has adapted to be universally Force-sensitive, specializing in precognition and telepathy. Unfortunately, they lose their Force talents rather abruptly once they leave their homeworld, but they could still be amazingly useful for us.
Outspoken neutral system. And they didn't invite us?
Again, canonicity is up to Dr. Snark, but "Force-sensitive crystal spiders" sounds pretty darn interesting.
Anti-Palpatine! Neutral! Beavers! What's not to love?
...Dude. Celestials were weird.
I have no idea what makes this junkyard world so special, but apparently it has a reputation for having a bunch of ridiculously valuable 'garbage'.
Yush Baskalar has a really interesting backstory. He was identified as Force-sensitive and taken (cough kidnapped) from home as a child. The Jedi eventually gave up on the idea of training him (he had "violent tendencies" -- considering we're talking about a very young child, think 'tantrum', especially from a child who just wants his mommy back). Anyway, Jedi washed their hands of him, he returned home... only to find out his parents had died while moving away from home. So now he hates the Jedi, go figure. More importantly for our purposes, he's also a polymath whose expertise includes droid design and manufacture, cybernetic enhancements, and human/Near-Human genetics.
At this point, I'm wondering if we already recruited him through Karada. Because if not, we should definitely go recruit him if/when we swing by Cularin.
You read that right: his name really is "Whorm Loathsom." Anyway, this is any Separatist megacorporation (affiliated with Techno Union, iirc) that's busily producing the CIS droid army.Basically Antarian Rangers, part 2. If we do decide to fund friendly paramilitary groups, this might be another group to support.
...Geez. I honestly don't know if this is a bigger target than Obroa-Skai, and that's saying something. The HoloScan Database is a single building several thousand kilometers long. I'm inclined to say that, while the 'Celebratus Archive' has a longer history (and contains more data), the HoloScan Database is currently the more active research library. Plus you get a race of gifted technologists, two electronics-specializing corporations, fully-automated cities... yeah, this seems like the sort of thing we'd be interested in.
Not much, just the best weapons specialists in the galaxy. They specialize in rare or unique weapons -- it's said that if the Armorers' Guild doesn't have a weapon in stock, it either doesn't exist or hasn't been found yet. They organize archaeological expeditions of their own, solely to find new types of weapons. They have a standing offer to buy any particularly rare weapons.
...What I'm getting at, is that maybe this should be a Hero Action for HK-47? The quickest way to an assassin droid's heart is through his trigger finger...
Next door to Epsi Nadir, you get the best metalsmiths in the galaxy, who specialize in custom alloys. Frankly, I'm surprised they weren't the ones to discover phrik. On the other hand, provide them with a sample, and a) they'll love us forever, and b) would probably find a way to manufacture phrik much more cheaply than before....
...You know, what with Rogue One coming out, I'd forgotten completely that those characters are people in the same Star Wars universe, and that Galen Erso might be a recruitment target. Polymath who specializes in energy research, specifically interested in crystals, who studies kyber crystals for a living?! If we haven't hired him yet, we really really should.
...So this is freaky. Besides the fact that the relevant source never bothered to name the local dark-side Force sect (I think the source predates the time when Sith were even called 'Sith', and every Force User was either a light-side or dark-side 'Jedi'), there's also a really interesting predatory bird that shoots anti-Force venom. That might be worth looking into....
Another neutral site for diplomacy. They belong to the CIS, but their most recent work was petitioning the Republic Senate to expand protection for sentient species with small or dispersed populations. Good people. Maybe we could point out that their allies are actively developing a bunch of bioweapons to use on innocent planets?
Oh my gosh this guy sounds amazing. He's a member of the Coruscant upper crust, a defense lawyer who is so good and so rich he's been able to afford anti-aging treatments that keeps him alive (and in perfect youthful health) for decades. He's still active during the 'New Republic' era...! Best of all, he has ties to Fang Zar's Republic Group, and is ferociously anti-Palpatine. At the moment he's busy doing a bunch of high-profile 'sedition' cases, where Palpatine and his cronies accuse Coruscant citizens of being insufficiently enthusiastic about the war.
Can we work with this guy? Better yet, have we already worked with this guy? (We do run a medical research-complex, after all...)
A pretty unspectacular Force sect -- they don't show off any obvious Force powers. But they're basically uber-Consulars, in that they meditate on the Force to answer hard philosophical questions and basically do a 'mountain-top sage' thing to provide counsel to any and all comers.
...Yeah. A race of sentient haystacks (technically 'bundles' of planty vine-things, but same different) who specialize in 'biotech' aka organic machinery, including starships and even a 'Living Monorail' to transport people around the planet. That's a thing that exists.
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And here's the bit you've been waiting for: everything you wanted to know about Cularin.
No joke. I want it.
(Please note: this list does not include any of the sites found in any of the cities on Cularin, including a 'Wookie Liberation Front' headquarters, a minor Jedi Enclave, an animal shop with a 'pet rancor', two separate pharmaceutical research companies, and a business conglomerate/cartel formerly affiliated with the Trade Federation. Nor does it include the moon that's rich in lightsaber crystals.)
So yeah: that's the Darkstaff. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Fortunately, it's not too hard to destroy -- someone has to willingly sacrifice their lives, causing the artifact to supersaturate with light-side energy and promptly explode. No biggie. I say we do a round of 'nose goes' with the local Jedi from Almas Academy.
Note: it's not just a single location that's a Force Nexus, or even a single planet -- the whole darn system is a vergence in the Force.
Almas -- discovered by a Sith Lord, who seeded the planet with kaluthin and warped the native lizards to become dark-side mutants, who built an indestructible castle, who enslaved the Force ghost of his own apprentice in the dungeon, and who apparently left a holocron in his vault that provides instruction on learning 'farsight' Force techniques. You also get an experimental Jedi academy -- they teach non-Force skills like "how to slice a computer" and "how to be a decent human being", and encourage padawans to travel the galaxy on 'Jedi quests'. The academy is run by a 'maverick' Jedi Watchman (our kind of Jedi...), and is staffed by a number of equally useful Jedi types -- a Lore Keeper, a Wookie battlemaster (I think he's dead at this point in the timeline, but still!) and a Duros 'Jedi Aristan' who specializes in lightsaber construction (!)
Besides the assorted megafauna, this is also the current location of that Kaminoan scientist (Ko Sai) that Kal Skirata has been searching after.
So, a race of Force-sensitive chameleonic humanoids, an anti-Palpatine Senator (!), and a light-side Force artifact that has two special properties -- first, hiding any Force presence in its vicinity (broadly defined -- that it, its 'Cloak' covers most of the system, which is why the Darkstaff is so difficult to find), and second, boosting the power of any Force artifact that's brought in contact with it.
No joke. I want it.
(Please note: this list does not include any of the sites found in any of the cities on Cularin, including a 'Wookie Liberation Front' headquarters, a minor Jedi Enclave, an animal shop with a 'pet rancor', two separate pharmaceutical research companies, and a business conglomerate/cartel formerly affiliated with the Trade Federation. Nor does it include the moon that's rich in lightsaber crystals.)
Genarius is a gas giant with a whole bunch of 'Cloud City'-like orbital platforms that specialize in different industries (textiles, thermal detonators, SoroSuub starships, black market in weapons, etc.). Perhaps the most interesting, though, isn't a platform but a moon, colonized and administered entirely by droids. They run mines to gather raw ores, run factories to build more droids, and sell them from their droid-run city with attached spaceport. The spaceport, of course, is itself a single massive droid that processes arrivals and departures and automatically sorts out cargo.
The Organization is interesting enough, given that it's a criminal syndicate originally founded by a Hutt, but won (in a game of sabacc) by the Hutt's majordomo, who has since turned it into an anti-piracy and anti-slaver organization that does a bunch of smuggling and asteroid-mining for profit. But within the asteroid belt, is one particular asteroid that contains a ludicrously powerful semi-sentient Force artifact that dates pre-Revan, that's caused a whole bunch of havoc over the past several decades and centuries. That artifact was brought to the planet by a (post-Revan) Sith Lord who built his fortress on Almas (except it also fast-forwarded him in time several thousand years to the Battle of Ruusan, where he was quickly cut down as just another anonymous Sith acolyte). The artifact was held by the Oblee race, who experimented on and accidentally got vaporized for their trouble (hence the asteroid belt their planet became; hence also the 'shadow lurker' spirits that the Oblee turned into). Much later, the same artifact was stolen by a Dark Jedi who sought to destroy the system (and succeeded in making Cularin and its neighbors blink out of existence for ten years).
So yeah: that's the Darkstaff. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Fortunately, it's not too hard to destroy -- someone has to willingly sacrifice their lives, causing the artifact to supersaturate with light-side energy and promptly explode. No biggie. I say we do a round of 'nose goes' with the local Jedi from Almas Academy.
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Panory
The Omake Dragon
- Location
- New York
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Just once I want a character named something suitably villainous who's actually a swell dude.
Finally, the first step to building our peace moon!
Time to update the omake count! At last count:
I've also updated the three Omake Index posts on pg. 197 with all of the above links (except for 'Sabacc Night', since it looks like Dr. Snark will be including that as a canon 'story omake'.
Since then, we've added an additional 10 omakes, resulting in a total of 21 omake bonuses ready to applied to Turn 26.
- Location
- Australia
How does this even work? Isn't a Jedi's lightsaber a personal, customised item unique to them only? Isn't the whole point that they make it themselves instead of someone else making it?
Per the wiki (article on Felanil Baaks, the Jedi Artisan in question):
And per the general 'Jedi Artisan' page:
So, if we're looking for someone to teach us how to construct a proper lightsaber, or if we wanted to make one with crazy and unexpected materials (like, say, any of the dozen Anomalous Materials we've talked about studying), he would be the one to point us in the right direction.
Panory
The Omake Dragon
- Location
- New York
- Pronouns
- He/Him
The Ongoing Diplomatic Adventures of Obi-wan Kenobi
"PR-1, what is this?" asked Ciaran, storming into her droid's quarters waving around the most recent reports on PR-1's galactic survey.
"Oh… that." said the protocol droid, voice dripping in disgust. "Gastrula is home to the Gastrulan race. They offer no real personnel or resource advantages, and the planet has been mostly untouched by the war, making them an unlikely candidate for CNS recruitment."
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it." glowered Ciaran. "The biscuits. Again I ask, what is this, PR-1?"
"Ugh… fine." grumbled the droid. "If you must know, there are reports that the planet's atmosphere reacts to chemicals in Bantha Breakfast Biscuits to mutate the snack into a violent creature that seeks the destruction of all life. If these… I hesitate to even validate them as rumors, are to be believed, the resulting monstrosity can be destroyed with judicious application of blue bantha sauce."
"I need you to tell me these kinds of things, PR-1. This kind of information is instrumental to my plans." scolded Ciaran. "Plans like the one I've just concocted. PR-1, see if you can't schedule a meeting with our Sentinel contact."
"Yes Mistress." said a distressed PR-1, as he solemnly turned away from his galactic survey to contact the Jedi Sentinels.
"Oh, and I seem to recall Padme mentioning a certain guilty pleasure of our esteemed Chancellor." said Ciaran, a demented smile overtaking her face. "Reach out to the makers of these biscuits and set up a contest, offering a relaxing vacation. And then rig it."
PR-1 almost felt bad for Sheev Palpatine. Almost.
XXX
"I've not had very good experiences with these last two missions." admitted Obi-wan. "I'm beginning to doubt the validity of your informant."
"They've never offered false information. The Da Soocha was a long shot anyways, and no one could have known that the Barabels had placed so much importance on a Jedi visit nine hundred years ago." defended the Sentinel. "Besides, we've done some independent research into the Gastrulans, and our informant's information checks out."
Obi-wan sighed. "Very well. What is my goal there then? The planet is too far removed from the front lines to make an effective base, and I fail to see anything of particular interest in regards to the native species."
"You're right, there's no military presence on the planet, and there's no reason for there to be." agreed the Sentinel. "Save this. We've heard tell of a scientific installation. We think the Separatists are developing a bioweapon of some sort. It would be devastating if it were true, and we allowed them to finish the bioweapon unimpeded. We're sending you on a reconnaissance mission to confirm or deny the existence of such a base before we commit an entire fleet."
"That certainly does sound like trouble." mused Obi-wan, hand on chin. "I'll head out as soon as possible."
"Excellent." said the Sentinel. Despite the conversation apparently being over, the two stared at each other in silence, stretching on for long seconds. Desperate to break the stalemate, the Jedi Sentinel made the first move, pointing over Obi-wan's shoulder. "What's that behind you?"
Obi-wan scoffed. "Please, I wasn't born yesterday. Such an obvious-ow!" Obi-wan wheeled around as something hit the back of his head, and he saw another, completely different Jedi Sentinel. Realizing what he had just done, the Jedi Master quickly turned back around, but the first Sentinel was gone. "Ugh, what was that all about? I was in the middle of a… of course." said Obi-wan as he turned to confront the Sentinel who had hit him, only for him to have mysteriously disappeared too. "One of these days…"
XXX
As had become characteristic of his missions as of late, Obi-wan's trip didn't waste any time in getting interesting. "Chancellor?" Sure enough, Obi-wan was not the only representative of the Republic on Gastrula. "What are you doing all the way out here?"
"Ah, Master Kenobi, what a pleasant surprise." said the Chancellor, equally surprised. "I recently won a contest, and decided it was the perfect chance to take a vacation and relax, since it wouldn't be on the taxpayer's dollar for once."
"I'm sure they'll appreciate that." chuckled Obi-wan, not including himself. One benefit of the Jedi Order technically being founded as a religion was the tax exemptions. Nowadays they didn't truly worship anything, but no Jedi Council since the Order's founding had been in a rush to update their classification. "We've heard rumors of a Separatist research facility on the planet. It may be nothing, but I'd urge you to stay wary just in case."
"Of course, your concern is appreciated." said Palpatine, bowing slightly. "I'm to be meeting a representative of the company that ran the sweepstakes in a little bit. I seem to have arrived early. I'll just wait by my ship, perhaps enjoy a little snack. Don't worry about me."
"As you wish, Chancellor." smirked Obi-wan, leaving over the nearby hill to begin his search. Scanners hadn't picked up any suspicious buildings, but it had located large underground caverns in the area. He'd need to find an entrance, but he'd bet that if there were a hidden research facility, that's where it'd be.
Not much longer after he had descended on the other side of the hill however, Obi-wan's attention was brought right back to the landing site by some loud screeching that could only come from some kind of terrifying creature. Not willing to lose the Supreme Chancellor himself to some dangerous wildlife, Obi-wan sprinted back up the hill.
What he saw was terrifying. The Chancellor was backing up towards his ship, staring down one of the most unnaturally hideous creatures the Jedi Master had ever seen. And if the glimpse he had seen when cresting the hill, the creature was capable of shooting lightning, in addition to having more fangs than anything ought to and a plethora of tentacles.
Looking past the creature, Palpatine called out desperately. "Master Jedi, please help me!" The Force aiding his steps, Obi-wan sprinted down the hill unnaturally fast. The creature was either wary or sadistic, taking its time approaching the Chancellor, but Obi-wan wasn't going to complain. It was the only reason he had been able to make it in time, lightsaber striking down several of the tentacles reaching for the leader of the free galaxy.
Obi-wan defensive stance kept the creature's reaching arms at bay easily enough, but whenever he tried to attack the creature's actual body, the wound didn't seem to have any effect. Rather than the wound not bleeding due to the intense heat of the lightsaber cauterizing the wound instantly, it seemed that the creature didn't have blood at all. Any gashes closed themselves in short order, and all his lightsaber seemed to be accomplishing was making the monster smell delicious.
In any other circumstance, Obi-wan would have retreated. The creature seemed to be realizing that it was immune to the Jedi's weapon, and was moving forward with its body rather than just its tentacles. But with the Supreme Chancellor himself stuttering and gasping behind him, that was hardly an option. Obi-wan beat severed more grasping tentacles, and decided to try a different approach. Rather than pushing back with his lightsaber, he pushed back with the Force.
It was less effective than he might have liked. The creature's exterior splattered back, but it's core seemed unperturbed by the loss in mass. It barely even slowed the creature, as it merely paused to let the displaced parts of its body return and reform. One thing was made obvious however. Other than the fangs, the monster seemed to be made entirely of some sort of dough.
Obi-wan took a deep breath, steeling his nerves and leveling his lightsaber at the beast. "Chancellor, I'll hold this thing off. You get inside the ship and head back to Coruscant." commanded the Jedi Master.
Before Palpatine could respond, the monster moved forward with great speed, shooting around Obi-wan and headed straight for the Chancellor. He knew it was futile, but instinct still prompted Obi-wan to wheel around and stab out with his lightsaber. He impaled the creature, for all the good that would do. Less well armed, Palpatine could only cower and throw a bottle he had been holding, likely some topping for his interrupted snack.
The bottle hit the tip of the lightsaber and ruptured. It had apparently been packaged at a different pressure, and the explosion of what Obi-wan vaguely recognized as blue bantha sauce was violent. Obi-wan wiped the condiment out of his eyes, desperate to find the beast that was no doubt eating the Supreme Chancellor alive at this very moment. Instead, all he saw was Palpatine doing the same. Looking around furiously for the doughy monster, Obi-wan could only find a biscuit, drenched in blue bantha sauce.
"Apparently blue bantha sauce reverted that horrible creature back into a biscuit." said the stunned Chancellor in disbelief. He looked at the biscuit warily. "I think I've lost my appetite."
The two looked at each other, covered head to toe in blue sauce for a long moment. "I'll never speak of this if you don't." said Obi-wan.
"Agreed." From there, the two got back into their ships and departed for Coruscant. Obi-wan would inform the Sentinels not only that there was no research facility, but that the planet was home to some violent, previously undiscovered wildlife, and recommend that the planet never be visited in any official capacity ever again. When asked about why his vacation had been cut so short, Palpatine had merely said that he had been unable to relax, knowing that the Republic was without his guidance, scoring a few political points among his base.
Both were equally glad no one had witnessed what had occurred on Gastrula.
XXX
Ciaran watched the recording with glee. Apparently the rumors of Bantha Breakfast Biscuits transforming into horrific, homicidal monsters in the atmosphere of Gastrula was untrue. But the truth was so much better. Apparently the chemicals in the biscuit did react to the atmosphere, but not to create life. Rather, the reaction formed a great deal of a powerful hallucinogen. And droids were unaffected, letting Ciaran see what had really been happening on Gastrula.
Ciaran stopped laughing long enough to rewind the footage PR-1 had bartered off of Obi-wan's astromech droid. She had no idea what they had seen, but the image of Sheev Palpatine, Dark Lord of the Sith, opening a pack of biscuits, recoiling in horror, and shooting lightning from his fingers at some harmless breakfast on the ground while making a sound that could only be described as screeching would stay with her forever. She'd be sure to arrange the release of the footage if he managed to kill her, just to spite him.
Obi-wan coming over the hill and waving his lightsabaer around like a moron as this biscuit sat on the ground in front of him was equally hilarious. His great shove with the Force was impressive, and his look of grim determination as the biscuit rolled a few feet along the ground was hysterical. It was almost a shame that Palpatine had stumbled across the antidote to the hallucinogen out of sheer dumb luck.
"PR-1, put this in the vault." laughed Ciaran, wiping a tear from her eye. "And put it on a loop. I want to see this immediately whenever I go in."
AN: Holy shit I finally finished this one. I've written six omakes (two for other quests) in between starting this and finishing it. Surprisingly, I'm actually happy with how it turned out.
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Panory
The Omake Dragon
- Location
- New York
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's instinct. Whenever @Publicola updates the omake count, I feel the need to invalidate it as soon as possible.You actually did it!
- Location
- Australia
It's weird seeing the word "fuck" in a Star Wars setting. It feels very out of place.
Hey, look at that, it's time to update the omake count again! At last count:
Since then we've added 1 new omake, giving us a total of 22 omake bonuses for Turn 26.
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- Location
- USA
The biscuit thing is definitely worth a literal WTF.
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- Location
- Australia
Perhaps, but I'm sure there's an equivalent phrase that can be used.
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Bite me a Bantha"-like?
Killerflood
Corporal Cannonfodder
- Location
- Saṃsāra
I'm sorry but I just have to be a pedant here.
It's definitely not defiantly.
I will defiantly argue against anyone saying otherwise. That is definitely a promise.
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
You stand defiant, that's definite!
- Location
- Australia
- Location
- USA
...this is why I normally lurk. I can't spell to save my life and autocorrect does not make up for the difference.
It's been fixed.
Killerflood
Corporal Cannonfodder
- Location
- Saṃsāra
I just want to let you know I didn't do it to put you down in any way. I saw the word, thought "that's wrong!" typed the first sentence, and then thought, "maybe it was a simple mistake?", and then typed out the rest as an example.
Impulsive writing is a bane I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Small Nerd
Meganekko
- Location
- Out There
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Really funny omake, but why "autistic screeching"? I've never heard of autistic people being associated with screeching.
- Location
- USA
I know, half my posts are on impulse.
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Try impulsive reading. No label is sure in spotting distance!
- Location
- The Air Capital
As an omake writer here, here are some handy links for my fellow crack-dealers/authors with respect to Star Wars slang and curses.
In this case, I think fuck could be replaced by kriff or kriffing and the screeching could reference an in-universe creature like a mynock or similar for a more in-universe feel. Still a great omake, @Panory. It amused much like it did Ciaran.
In this case, I think fuck could be replaced by kriff or kriffing and the screeching could reference an in-universe creature like a mynock or similar for a more in-universe feel. Still a great omake, @Panory. It amused much like it did Ciaran.
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