The Diplomatic Adventures of Obi-wan Kenobi
"Uncle Borvo, I have a question for you." asked Ciaran as she entered the Hutt's quarters unannounced. Most people would have been killed for so casually entering the presence of a Hutt crime lord, but, as in many areas, Ciaran was a special case.
"Ask away." said Borvo, turning away from the endless spreadsheets that represented the considerable assets of the Abyss Watchers.
"I was going over the files from PR-1's last briefing in depth, because I was afraid HK-47 would have glossed something important over just because it didn't involve killing things." said Ciaran, gesturing to files in her hand. "And I was right. What can you tell me about Da Soocha?"
"Hohoho. That's a name I've not heard since I was a Huttlet." laughed the Hutt crime lord. "They say it is a planet with a singular, living ocean. Able to communicate with those it deems worthy. It's captured the imaginations of every Hutt at some point in their lives."
"And are those stories true at all? Is the ocean of the planet truly alive?" asked Ciaran, eyes hopeful and smile incorrigible.
"I seem to recall Jabba searching the planet out once on a whim. He found nothing of interest save an endless ocean. If it could talk, it didn't to him." said Borvo. "I'm sorry to disappoint."
"Oh no, that's what I was hoping for. What use do I have for talking water? It would be an interesting diversion, but nothing more." chuckled Ciaran. "Do you think you could get the coordinates of the planet from Jabba and send them to me?"
"Jabba is usually reluctant to part with anything, even if it has no value." warned Borvo. "Still, if I mention it's you making the request, he may be willing to share something he's found worthless."
"Perfect. This'll be great." smirked Ciaran. "I'll leave you to it then. Thank you." With that, Ciaran left, laughing manically.
XXX
"A planet in the Cyax system?" asked Obi-wan, stroking his beard as he perused the files.
"Yes. It's in Hutt space, but the Hutt's haven't bothered to explore that region as far as we can tell." said the Jedi Sentinel. "You were recommended to make contact with the planet's lifeform due to your diplomatic experience and position on the Jedi Council."
Ever perceptive, Obi-wan picked up on a word that seemed out of place. "Wait, lifeform? Singular?"
"Yes. The planet is apparently covered in water." The Sentinel leaned in and whispered after looking around to ensure there were no eavesdroppers. "Sentient water."
"You mean the ocean is alive?" asked Obi-wan incredulously. "That seems rather farfetched."
"Our informant has yet to disappoint us, and they've been supplying information to us for years now." said the Sentinel, attempting to quell Master Kenobi's suspicions. "Can we trust you to fulfill the mission?"
"I'll admit, the possibility has me rather intrigued." Admitted Obi-wan, stroking his beard in thought once more. "Very well, I'll see if I can't make contact with this living ocean. I can't imagine how it would communicate, but the Force is universal."
"Indeed it is." agreed the Sentinel. "Thank you for your cooperation."
"Of course, it's no trouble at all." said Obi-wan, staring down at the spare information they had given him, mostly consisting of the planet's name, the rumors of the sentient ocean, and the coordinates of the system. By the time Obi-wan looked up, the Sentinel had vanished. "Of course." he deadpanned.
XXX
Obi-wan disengaged his fighter from the hyperdrive docking ring above the blue planet. Reports were accurate so far, the planet was in the middle of nowhere, Hutt Space, and covered entirely in ocean. Entering the planet's atmosphere, Obi-wan scanned the surface for hours, eventually finding a small area where the water was shallow enough to land.
Touching down, he jumped out of his ship into about a foot of water that lapped the bottom of his ship's hull. "You stay there R4. I don't want you shorting out on me." His astromech droid beeped back a response. He got the gist of it, a reluctant confirmation, though he'd never had Anakin's talent for understanding droids.
Deciding to start with the obvious possibility, Obi-wan shouted out in common, "Hello? I've come to negotiate contact in peace." Answered only by the sound of the waves, Obi-wan felt like a bit of an idiot. He was only glad Anakin, or Force forbid Ciaran, was here to see this. "If you can understand me, give me a sign of some sort."
Unless the living ocean considered being water a sign, Obi-wan was forced to accept that the sentient water didn't understand speech. Which made sense. Since it was water…
Obi-wan shook his head and took a deep breath. He had never expected it to be this easy anyways. He knelt down, thoroughly soaking him up to mid-torso, and began to meditate. As he had told the Jedi Sentinel who had asked him to embark on this mission, language was a fickle thing, but the Force was present in all lifeforms.
Reaching out with the Force, Obi-wan tried to find the ocean's mind. Other than a few fish swimming by, some rather close out of curiosity, Obi-wan found nothing. He forced himself to calm his mind. He wasn't trying to contact some comparable being, he was trying to commune with the ocean. If the planet sized ocean were alive, he wouldn't be able to sense it with such a narrow view. He broadened his horizons, taking in as much of the planet as possible.
Still, his view of the Force was too small, too narrow to comprehend the enormity of the being he sought to contact. Relaxing even more into a trancelike state, Obi-wan expanded his vision. He could feel his sight drift into the future and the past on occasion, but with the razor focus that had made him a Master, he trained his sights on the present on a more massive scale than he had ever attempted.
Time lost meaning for Obi-wan. There was only himself, the Force, and this enormous planet of ocean he found himself on. It was difficult, more difficult than any challenge he had ever faced, but eventually he had done it. His Force sight encompassed the planet, even if it was vague and impossible to see anything with clarity.
He was forced to come to a conclusion then. Besides himself, some fish, and some
very large fish, Da Soocha was completely uninhabited. The ocean was just that, a very large body of water. Obi-wan stood in resignation, and promply fell flat on his face as his numb legs gave out under him. "R4, how long has it been?"
The droid beeped back a response, far longer than Obi-wan wanted it to be, and the Jedi cursed under his breath. Grunting in exertion, he forced himself to stand and hobbled back to his ship. It took far more effort than he'd have liked, but he finally made it up and into the cockpit. Taking off of the planet, the Jedi Master resolved to take a long, hot bath upon returning to Coruscant, and only take diplomatic missions in the future when the lifeforms he was negotiating with were guaranteed to exist.
AN: Here's Obi-wan sitting in water and trying to talk to an ocean for hours like an idiot. A masterpiece by Supreme Prankster Ciaran. Where will our hapless Jedi Master be sent next? Tune in next time on "The Diplomatic Adventures of Obi-wan Kenobi"!
