Mr. Camaros what do you think of that Frank senata robot that has taken over of Los Vegas
-
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DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
IncrediBoy
I'm not sure how Hego is a rip off of the Rocketeer, but that's a bit of an unfair standard. That man was a freaking beast and had an entire career to rack up achievements. Hego is making a strong start, but really this is the begining of his real superheroic career. Even if we do wanna count his inglorious beginnings that's at most half of his probable active era, barring tragedy of course. So it's more than a little disingenuous to try to compare him to classical top rankers at this phase.
Also you might want to choose your words about Shego carefully, some of that is looking awful close to slander and this really isn't the platform for that sort of thing.
I'm not sure how Hego is a rip off of the Rocketeer, but that's a bit of an unfair standard. That man was a freaking beast and had an entire career to rack up achievements. Hego is making a strong start, but really this is the begining of his real superheroic career. Even if we do wanna count his inglorious beginnings that's at most half of his probable active era, barring tragedy of course. So it's more than a little disingenuous to try to compare him to classical top rankers at this phase.
Also you might want to choose your words about Shego carefully, some of that is looking awful close to slander and this really isn't the platform for that sort of thing.
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Xanatos, What is one thing that you wish? More people knew?
Alan, same question.
Alan, same question.
for Xanatos, what sort of human resources policies does your organisation follow, specifically when it comes to hiring specialists, upper management and the like? namely people with incredibly in-demand expertise/talent that room to negotiate, as opposed to job roles where there's far more candidates available.
we've already heard about AlanOne's workplace when it comes to retaining employees with exotic skillsets, so in a similar vein I'm wondering about the sort of perks/workplace environment you try to foster in order to improve retention and interest from prospective new hires.
is there anything you would *like* to do differently? such as standards you're forced to follow only because there's no alternative, or policies that haven't worked out in the past?
hopefully this isn't too boring a question, but I think it'd be fun to see how you innovate in fields other than technology and to get an inner look to things not usually given much external attention. as always feel free to avoid anything secret, just curious about the public stuff that may not get much attention.
we've already heard about AlanOne's workplace when it comes to retaining employees with exotic skillsets, so in a similar vein I'm wondering about the sort of perks/workplace environment you try to foster in order to improve retention and interest from prospective new hires.
is there anything you would *like* to do differently? such as standards you're forced to follow only because there's no alternative, or policies that haven't worked out in the past?
hopefully this isn't too boring a question, but I think it'd be fun to see how you innovate in fields other than technology and to get an inner look to things not usually given much external attention. as always feel free to avoid anything secret, just curious about the public stuff that may not get much attention.
___
OOC: I'm asking what they do to recruit heroes, who they look for, if they have any loyalty bonuses etc, but like from a stewardship perspective. probably a lot of applicants from SFIT/people coming to them for the public stuff- Pronouns
- He
For Alan, how true are Dr Doofenshmirtz so called "backstories". And if so which one is the wildest you know or at least thinkbis true. I have heard a few of them and to call them, well "wild" would be an understatement.
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Incrediboy, are you an AI?
OOC: My apologies, it seems that my question here was skipped, since it was between Light and The Count´s ones:
Was it due to the reference to a character from DVV classic?
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Heh. I had this friend who I found out recently didn't know Doofenshmirtz was real. Like, they obviously knew who he was and his company, but they assumed the guy in those cheesy "DoofOS" commericals was an actor, given the cartoonish accent and obviously fake nose. They were quite surprised. In all fairness, we do live in Florida.
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- Location
- Pennsylvania
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:27:13
My favorite thing about having a castle on top of a skyscraper: Saying with complete certainty I caused the single most interesting change to New York's skyline since the day a man sunk a girder into concrete.
My least favorite thing about having a castle on top of a skyscraper: Heating bills.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:29:22
If I'm entirely honest, I suspect it was mostly a vanity project. Keeping up with the Joneses, so to speak. Doof see, Doof do.
He uses it for a few eclectic projects. I don't visit often, it's unrelated to computing and the… resident researcher is not my sort of person.
Yes, there is a 'dragon'. A genetic engineering pet project from one of our resident 'mad' geneticists. Once they cracked pterosaurs I suppose it was only a matter of time. It is… mostly, friendly. But territorial. Another reason I don't visit.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:27:13
All my employees are held to an extremely high standard, and they meet that standard every single day. That said, many value their privacy, and I have no interest in calling out specific performers.
Not to mention attracting headhunters.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:31:13
Ahh…
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:31:48
Umm…
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:32:01
Call our marketing department.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:32:01
Call our marketing department.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:36:56
I will admit, that gave me a good chuckle. Despite his branding, Doctor Doofenshmirtz seems committed to a strong tomorrow.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:36:59
Executives often present themselves one way and feel another. I'd be hesitant to cast judgment based on what I get to see.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:43:00
I could've taken him.
► MisterC (ADMINISTRATOR) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:37:00
ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛɪɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ɪs ᴏɴɢᴏɪɴɢ. ᴡᴇ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ sᴏᴏɴ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴄᴇ.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:42:34
Rogue.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:30:00
Spellsword. Better than both at their own game.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:43:02
A Paladin, though I do like a variety.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:44:44
DD&MD, 22nd edition. It was the one most popular when I entered the game.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:27:00
I
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 11:48:15
…I remember when it was just Dungeons.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 11:52:18
It would be fairly absurd to claim my own admittedly sizable fortune held a candle to Glomgold's. Still, I like to imagine I have resources he could only hope to call upon.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:21:00
Zootopia's thinking too small. Twice the size and actually run efficiently! They've got the right concept but they're wasting a lot of potential, I could handle it better.
► AtlasAtlantropa posted on 5/28/17 (Mon) at 11:59:38
Do you have any idea how impractical that would be? Zootopia's a marvel of engineering, yes, but it's only kept running by numerous government grants and even still it had to be bailed out by a megacorporation. If you tried to apply those principles to a self-contained city the logistics alone would be enough to make most investors pull out- I see them as impractical until someone comes up with a way to streamline the basic concept.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 12:01:55
: It was previously considered a subspecies.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:1:00
Then I'll see you in court.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 12:05:23
I simply wish more people could learn to work together.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 12:06:39
…yeah. Something like that.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 12:11:48
The key to success in upper-level staffing is strong networks and connectivity. Most high earners are likely to move on after a few years or a big project, and this isn't always something to avoid. Hire people for jobs, not for positions, and always be ready when the next opportunity knocks.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 12:12:17
Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to list the things DEI doesn't offer.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:06:00
N̶̢̗̏̔̊̆̃̏͂͒͠͝Ǫ̷̧̧̢̢̡̢͇̰͕̰̜͓̰̬͎̰̦̤͕̱̦̩͙̙̱̦̗̤̲̦̖̯̻͍̗̻̬̑̏̈́͋̽̌͊̔̒͆͗̀̇́̄̾͗̅͋̇̅̍̒̓̇̋̍̈́̿̊̀́̓̈́͂̽̂̈́̇̀͘͠͠͠. Fair question, since you haven't got any.
►DavidXanatosOfficial (Verified) posted on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 12:13:00
Life.
►AlanOne (Admin)(Retired) posted on 2/21/87 at 12:15:00
Doing right by the people around you. Caring.
► IncrediBoy posted on 2/01/16 (Mon) at 00:00:00
The top of the heap.
► MisterC (ADMINISTRATOR) replied to IncrediBoy on 2/21/87 (Mon) at 12:15:30
[ᴜsᴇʀ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇᴅ.]
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Ominous!
woo. glad i got my chance to ask a question before it ended, was trying to think of something earlier but it was just the same as what others were asking so no point
wonder how effective syndrome's termination was? there's no proof/info on what they actually did, though i guess that would be spoilers on how effective ENCOM is with the supernatural,
as for the event itself, any revealations stand out in you guys' opinion as things worth specifically remembering/making use of? xanatos's "no hard feelings" approach to heroes moving about is pretty funky i guess, i guess they aim to lower the barriers between new heroes joining/encourage ones with negative opinion to just leave instead of committing sabotage?
the only thing I can think of in-story is to reveal to Xanatos that everyone in that QnA other than incrediboy, alan and MisterC were fragments of doof's mind/not actually real people (but thet's just me wanting to shake him at any cost. probably too silly an idea/not what actually happened+ something best kept to our chest anyhow)
wonder how effective syndrome's termination was? there's no proof/info on what they actually did, though i guess that would be spoilers on how effective ENCOM is with the supernatural,
as for the event itself, any revealations stand out in you guys' opinion as things worth specifically remembering/making use of? xanatos's "no hard feelings" approach to heroes moving about is pretty funky i guess, i guess they aim to lower the barriers between new heroes joining/encourage ones with negative opinion to just leave instead of committing sabotage?
the only thing I can think of in-story is to reveal to Xanatos that everyone in that QnA other than incrediboy, alan and MisterC were fragments of doof's mind/not actually real people (but thet's just me wanting to shake him at any cost. probably too silly an idea/not what actually happened+ something best kept to our chest anyhow)
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I think it implies that he just... doesn't really have permanent heroes, he just has a really big roster of Contractors.
that would be wild if so, maybe as part of a king mechanic (along the lines of "great at making connections and getting people to do things")?
though even if they say that, I'd expect they have at least some long-term heroes, especially for sensitive things like intrigue, things dangerous if they get out etc. there's no reason for them to *not* acquire heroes.
Quest: Magic Missile's Red Glare- Liberty Bell March
- Location
- Pennsylvania
A possum is watching you.
Possum intrigue check:
DC 150
36% CoS, 97+ 6-
47+38 (Russ)+23 (Monogram)+5(Secret Keeper)+20(Rats Rats)=133
Failure
The glassy, unblinking eyes trace your path as you walk by, the creature standing mouth open and teeth bared. It doesn't move from its perch beneath a lopsided tree, staring until an approaching Agent D scares it off with a few well-timed barks. It disappears into the bushes.
It doesn't hiss. Monogram frowns.
"Hey uh…" Kermit pipes up from your midst. "I hate to ask, but do we have any better idea of what building we're looking for here?"
Monogram stares at his Doofphone while stepping over tree branches.
"Well, we're looking for a possibly-collapsed creepy old cabin." He lectures, distilling information into mission briefing at genuinely impressive speed. "It says here there used to be a heritage site in the area, lost its designation right after ol' World War II. Local guidebooks say it's haunted, which usually happens with creepy old abandoned buildings. Also reports of squatters. One of the two options may be being mistaken for the other."
You peer out from the treeline at your target. It's an old, dilapidated colonial-style ruin, abandoned for at least fifty years but possibly far older. It looks uninhabited… but you're more than familiar with how deceiving that can be.
"It certainly has the air of a haunt." Kitsune leans back against a creaky-looking maple. "Care to take the lead?"
You nod, and begin the process of examining the building, first from the outside and then, gradually, slipping in the back, occasionally murmuring to Kitsune or Monogram regarding one possible danger or another. It isn't long before Gonzo and Rizzo grow bored, leading to a brief comedy sketch involving a wandering black bear and a paper bag. Around the time they shake off the concussion, you come to a conclusion.
"Unless you're detecting anything magical, there's no one watching. For now. No obvious signs of recent activity either."
"Perhaps." Kitsune tilts her head. "There's only a hint of sorcery around the building, but who is to say how long it has lingered?"
"So, is this a dead end?" Monogram asks, and at first glance you'd agree with him. But something is prodding the back of your skull.
"Not necessarily."
Rizzo slouches forward, slightly scratched, and gives his own two cents. "So if I was Crazy Eyes, I wouldn't be squatting here through the front door. Bet you ten bucks he's got some entrance off to the side or somethin'." Rizzo creeps around to the side of the cabin and kicks ineffectively at some loose boards. "See? Basement's the best place to hide anyway, no windows mean nobody notices lights. Hey, uh, can one of youse kick this for me?"
"A fair point." You reply. "Let's try the basement again."
"Is that a no on the kicking?"
"Yes." You reply, realizing a moment too late it would have been funnier to stay silent. Regardless, you walk back down to the basement, disturbing the thick and even layer of dust. Everything seems as it was when you briefly examined it, perfectly untouched for who knows how long.
Kermit scrunches as he enters the room. "Wow, it really is a carpet of dust in here. You'd think it was…"
Gonzo steps forward to complete the pun.
"Done and Dusted With."- Stewardship:
DC 90
50% CoS, 96+ 5-
39+10 (Russ)+30 (Kermit)+25 (Eye of the Hurricane Activates)=104
Success
Kermit leans down. "In all my years of plaster dust and collapsing props, I've never seen particulates this even."
"You're saying it's odd?" Gonzo asks.
"It's unnaturally messy. And I would know." Rizzo concurs.
"Meaning…" you put the pieces together in your head. "That this apparent abandonment has been manufactured… and not by hand."
It's Kermit, again, who finds it, a small patch of wall noticeable only by a slight reduction in the wear and tear of the room around it; flat and even wallpaper, with only a few snags.
Before anyone else can examine it, Kitsune stabs a suddenly clawed nail directly into the impression, running a tear through the wallpaper and scratching sparks from unseen metal. She isn't even finished before the facade eagerly rips away to reveal the boards behind it. A moment later the boards rapidly begin to flip open, thunk thunk thunk thunk, until there is a hole large enough for each of you to slip through into a stone tunnel.
There is a collective "oooo" from the Muppets.
"It seems, unfortunately, your instincts were correct." Kitsune half-bows with a politeness impossible to mistake for deference. "Shall we retreat to better prepare?"
"What do you suggest?" You ask. The idea is sound.
But you doubt you're going to get to follow it.
"Leaving without a trace became impossible the moment we entered this room." Kitsune twirls a loop of vermillion hair.
"Or at least when ya ripped da wall open." Rizzo notes.
Kitsune shakes her head, tapping a crooked table. "This house is haunted by a sorcerer. Evading detection completely after invading their sanctum is a fool's errand. There are signs of a ritual for moving qi through an abode that we could not replicate."
"Key?" Gonzo asks, beginning a misunderstanding.
Kitsune clicks her tongue. "Ambient magic. Feng Shui used magically is an overly precise art, even a misaligned coin would render our trespass obvious once the magi returns."
"Izzat how we got the door open?" Rizzo compounds. You decide to ignore it.
"So leaving now would ensure the next time we return, whoever is here is prepared for us… regardless of whether we're prepared for them." You say grimly.
"This doesn't sound very much like retreating." Kermit notes.
You frown.
"Well then. Sounds like the only way through is forward!" Monogram declares, putting on a brave face as he steps through the opening and looking around. "Or maybe… down?"
You are presented with a roughly hewn stone staircase trailing downward, a slight current of cool air rushing up to meet you. The entire passage is lit in a gentle blue glow that seems to come from nowhere.
"Oh no…" Gonzo and Rizzo whimper as one.
You pick up a discarded piece of wallpaper, ball it up, and toss it gently down the stairs. Nothing much happens.
Intrigue: Why are there so many stairs?
DC 130
CoS 46% 96+ 5-
29+38 (Russ)+23(Monogram)+15(Kitsune)=105
Failure
"Down it is."
===
You descend for about ten minutes before you begin to grow concerned. Another ten before you approach the limit of your endurance. The number of rough-hewn stairs you've descended has long since passed from your mind. Step after step after step, you continue on down the spiral stairs carved out of the earth. Each floor there is a small landing, an outcropping of flat rock that marks the only deviation from each identical step.
There is no sign of progress.
===
Monogram is panting for breath, barely managing to support himself on the wall, while Rizzo, Gonzo, and even Kermit are near catatonic with exhaustion. That could change in a moment with the right impetus, but it's unquestionably a problem now. Kitsune seems unfazed, but you noted that her pace had slowed noticeably since you began.
"You guys sure… they don't… have an elevator?" Gonzo practically begs.
"Carry meeeeee…" Rizzo moans, attempting to grab onto Kitsune's legs. Without hesitation, she picks him up-
"Oh wow, thank yo-"
And tosses him forwards, sending him sailing past your shoulder. He skips off the smooth stone, bouncing his way down the spiraling staircase. "oW, Ow, ow, o-"
You did not consider that you might need the rations you had packed, or the bedrolls for that matter. It was becoming increasingly obvious that you could only continue on for so long without rest, and if you pushed yourselves much further whatever mad tomb you'd stepped into was going to leave you helpless.
"That's enough." You say, holding a hand up. "We double back to the last landing, rest and decide on a next move."
"Ow, OW, oW, ow-"
You blink. Is Rizzo getting… louder?"
You've barely begun climbing back upwards, groans on your lips, when Rizzo bounces past you. The sheer incongruity of that event is enough to leave you still for several seconds, during which he bounces past you again.
"I feel like President Ford!" Rizzo screeches, just in time for Monogram to snatch him out of his ongoing arc. "Oh, oh thank you." He snivels in relief, seizing the excuse to not have to get down from Monogram's arms.
"Bit out of date, Rizzo." Gonzo replies. "But it does look fun!"
"You try findin' a reference while you're bein' used as a slinky." Rizzo mutters, attempting to straighten out his whiskers.
Kitsune takes a breath.
The lights flicker, and the walls shimmer as you feel the tickle of an illusion forming behind your eyes.
Do hold still. Kitsune's voice taps at the edges of your skull, riding on the smell of cherry blossoms.
Your sunglasses shield you from the abrupt presence of sunlight, and you gasp slightly as the world beneath you was suddenly always grass and dark soil. Your stance shifts slightly as you unconsciously adjust to what you think you're standing on. All around you are rows upon rows of sakura trees, pale pink petals fluttering across the breeze as far as you can see.
Then you blink, and the world seems to blur out of focus. Your brow furrows as pressure builds in your temples, newly reinforced training kicking in to inform you that the world is lying. You are simultaneously in the midst of a sakura grove and trapped in the depths of an endless stair. Two conceptions of reality war in front of your eyes, layering on top of each other like looking at different pictures with different eyes. Reality flickers, and just before it winks out, the scales fall away.
You are struck with a conception. Nothing you can literally see, but something you can experience as magic fights magic. You see a great mass of blooming fractals, ordered layers of pattern and code adjusted for maximum efficiency and eternal efficacy. You conceive of a single layer of its bright blue depths and know that the longer you look the more you would see its pattern repeated in its details, on down to eternity. Something or someone moves or flickers behind the mass, but cannot be seen.
The fox that bites it is none so ordered. It lacks the solidity of the pattern it wrests with, as much brush stroke and ribbons as it is fur and fire. Nine tails ripple out, wrapping around and into the pattern's nooks, and even though they are thin and stunted, they're plenty long enough to wrap past the fractal's ordered tempo. The equation shimmers, and though you cannot move or touch you reach to shield yourself as its pulse rings past your shades. The tails glow deeper, rising to match, and the world starts to burn brighter and brighter-
You perceive this in the span of a single instant, and then the phantasm snaps. Masterfully designed for stealth, not sturdiness. You are standing on a small flight of stairs that leads, directly and immediately, to the next door. It's barely ten feet down. There's even a railing.
Kitsune's hand is on your shoulder, steadying your balance as the rest of your body catches up with what your mind just experienced. The others seem less affected, but still stumble slightly as reality changes twice in quick succession.
"This bodes poorly." She says, panting slightly.
"That was not a conjurer of cheap tricks." You agree.
"Sure beats Penn and Teller." Rizzo quails.
Nonetheless, you carry on.
Possum intrigue check:
DC 150
36% CoS, 97+ 6-
47+38 (Russ)+23 (Monogram)+5(Secret Keeper)+20(Rats Rats)=133
Failure
The glassy, unblinking eyes trace your path as you walk by, the creature standing mouth open and teeth bared. It doesn't move from its perch beneath a lopsided tree, staring until an approaching Agent D scares it off with a few well-timed barks. It disappears into the bushes.
It doesn't hiss. Monogram frowns.
"Hey uh…" Kermit pipes up from your midst. "I hate to ask, but do we have any better idea of what building we're looking for here?"
Monogram stares at his Doofphone while stepping over tree branches.
"Well, we're looking for a possibly-collapsed creepy old cabin." He lectures, distilling information into mission briefing at genuinely impressive speed. "It says here there used to be a heritage site in the area, lost its designation right after ol' World War II. Local guidebooks say it's haunted, which usually happens with creepy old abandoned buildings. Also reports of squatters. One of the two options may be being mistaken for the other."
You peer out from the treeline at your target. It's an old, dilapidated colonial-style ruin, abandoned for at least fifty years but possibly far older. It looks uninhabited… but you're more than familiar with how deceiving that can be.
"It certainly has the air of a haunt." Kitsune leans back against a creaky-looking maple. "Care to take the lead?"
You nod, and begin the process of examining the building, first from the outside and then, gradually, slipping in the back, occasionally murmuring to Kitsune or Monogram regarding one possible danger or another. It isn't long before Gonzo and Rizzo grow bored, leading to a brief comedy sketch involving a wandering black bear and a paper bag. Around the time they shake off the concussion, you come to a conclusion.
"Unless you're detecting anything magical, there's no one watching. For now. No obvious signs of recent activity either."
"Perhaps." Kitsune tilts her head. "There's only a hint of sorcery around the building, but who is to say how long it has lingered?"
"So, is this a dead end?" Monogram asks, and at first glance you'd agree with him. But something is prodding the back of your skull.
"Not necessarily."
Rizzo slouches forward, slightly scratched, and gives his own two cents. "So if I was Crazy Eyes, I wouldn't be squatting here through the front door. Bet you ten bucks he's got some entrance off to the side or somethin'." Rizzo creeps around to the side of the cabin and kicks ineffectively at some loose boards. "See? Basement's the best place to hide anyway, no windows mean nobody notices lights. Hey, uh, can one of youse kick this for me?"
"A fair point." You reply. "Let's try the basement again."
"Is that a no on the kicking?"
"Yes." You reply, realizing a moment too late it would have been funnier to stay silent. Regardless, you walk back down to the basement, disturbing the thick and even layer of dust. Everything seems as it was when you briefly examined it, perfectly untouched for who knows how long.
Kermit scrunches as he enters the room. "Wow, it really is a carpet of dust in here. You'd think it was…"
Gonzo steps forward to complete the pun.
"Done and Dusted With."- Stewardship:
DC 90
50% CoS, 96+ 5-
39+10 (Russ)+30 (Kermit)+25 (Eye of the Hurricane Activates)=104
Success
Kermit leans down. "In all my years of plaster dust and collapsing props, I've never seen particulates this even."
"You're saying it's odd?" Gonzo asks.
"It's unnaturally messy. And I would know." Rizzo concurs.
"Meaning…" you put the pieces together in your head. "That this apparent abandonment has been manufactured… and not by hand."
It's Kermit, again, who finds it, a small patch of wall noticeable only by a slight reduction in the wear and tear of the room around it; flat and even wallpaper, with only a few snags.
Before anyone else can examine it, Kitsune stabs a suddenly clawed nail directly into the impression, running a tear through the wallpaper and scratching sparks from unseen metal. She isn't even finished before the facade eagerly rips away to reveal the boards behind it. A moment later the boards rapidly begin to flip open, thunk thunk thunk thunk, until there is a hole large enough for each of you to slip through into a stone tunnel.
There is a collective "oooo" from the Muppets.
"It seems, unfortunately, your instincts were correct." Kitsune half-bows with a politeness impossible to mistake for deference. "Shall we retreat to better prepare?"
"What do you suggest?" You ask. The idea is sound.
But you doubt you're going to get to follow it.
"Leaving without a trace became impossible the moment we entered this room." Kitsune twirls a loop of vermillion hair.
"Or at least when ya ripped da wall open." Rizzo notes.
Kitsune shakes her head, tapping a crooked table. "This house is haunted by a sorcerer. Evading detection completely after invading their sanctum is a fool's errand. There are signs of a ritual for moving qi through an abode that we could not replicate."
"Key?" Gonzo asks, beginning a misunderstanding.
Kitsune clicks her tongue. "Ambient magic. Feng Shui used magically is an overly precise art, even a misaligned coin would render our trespass obvious once the magi returns."
"Izzat how we got the door open?" Rizzo compounds. You decide to ignore it.
"So leaving now would ensure the next time we return, whoever is here is prepared for us… regardless of whether we're prepared for them." You say grimly.
"This doesn't sound very much like retreating." Kermit notes.
You frown.
"Well then. Sounds like the only way through is forward!" Monogram declares, putting on a brave face as he steps through the opening and looking around. "Or maybe… down?"
You are presented with a roughly hewn stone staircase trailing downward, a slight current of cool air rushing up to meet you. The entire passage is lit in a gentle blue glow that seems to come from nowhere.
"Oh no…" Gonzo and Rizzo whimper as one.
You pick up a discarded piece of wallpaper, ball it up, and toss it gently down the stairs. Nothing much happens.
Intrigue: Why are there so many stairs?
DC 130
CoS 46% 96+ 5-
29+38 (Russ)+23(Monogram)+15(Kitsune)=105
Failure
"Down it is."
===
You descend for about ten minutes before you begin to grow concerned. Another ten before you approach the limit of your endurance. The number of rough-hewn stairs you've descended has long since passed from your mind. Step after step after step, you continue on down the spiral stairs carved out of the earth. Each floor there is a small landing, an outcropping of flat rock that marks the only deviation from each identical step.
There is no sign of progress.
===
Monogram is panting for breath, barely managing to support himself on the wall, while Rizzo, Gonzo, and even Kermit are near catatonic with exhaustion. That could change in a moment with the right impetus, but it's unquestionably a problem now. Kitsune seems unfazed, but you noted that her pace had slowed noticeably since you began.
"You guys sure… they don't… have an elevator?" Gonzo practically begs.
"Carry meeeeee…" Rizzo moans, attempting to grab onto Kitsune's legs. Without hesitation, she picks him up-
"Oh wow, thank yo-"
And tosses him forwards, sending him sailing past your shoulder. He skips off the smooth stone, bouncing his way down the spiraling staircase. "oW, Ow, ow, o-"
You did not consider that you might need the rations you had packed, or the bedrolls for that matter. It was becoming increasingly obvious that you could only continue on for so long without rest, and if you pushed yourselves much further whatever mad tomb you'd stepped into was going to leave you helpless.
"That's enough." You say, holding a hand up. "We double back to the last landing, rest and decide on a next move."
"Ow, OW, oW, ow-"
You blink. Is Rizzo getting… louder?"
You've barely begun climbing back upwards, groans on your lips, when Rizzo bounces past you. The sheer incongruity of that event is enough to leave you still for several seconds, during which he bounces past you again.
"I feel like President Ford!" Rizzo screeches, just in time for Monogram to snatch him out of his ongoing arc. "Oh, oh thank you." He snivels in relief, seizing the excuse to not have to get down from Monogram's arms.
"Bit out of date, Rizzo." Gonzo replies. "But it does look fun!"
"You try findin' a reference while you're bein' used as a slinky." Rizzo mutters, attempting to straighten out his whiskers.
Kitsune takes a breath.
The lights flicker, and the walls shimmer as you feel the tickle of an illusion forming behind your eyes.
Do hold still. Kitsune's voice taps at the edges of your skull, riding on the smell of cherry blossoms.
Your sunglasses shield you from the abrupt presence of sunlight, and you gasp slightly as the world beneath you was suddenly always grass and dark soil. Your stance shifts slightly as you unconsciously adjust to what you think you're standing on. All around you are rows upon rows of sakura trees, pale pink petals fluttering across the breeze as far as you can see.
Then you blink, and the world seems to blur out of focus. Your brow furrows as pressure builds in your temples, newly reinforced training kicking in to inform you that the world is lying. You are simultaneously in the midst of a sakura grove and trapped in the depths of an endless stair. Two conceptions of reality war in front of your eyes, layering on top of each other like looking at different pictures with different eyes. Reality flickers, and just before it winks out, the scales fall away.
You are struck with a conception. Nothing you can literally see, but something you can experience as magic fights magic. You see a great mass of blooming fractals, ordered layers of pattern and code adjusted for maximum efficiency and eternal efficacy. You conceive of a single layer of its bright blue depths and know that the longer you look the more you would see its pattern repeated in its details, on down to eternity. Something or someone moves or flickers behind the mass, but cannot be seen.
The fox that bites it is none so ordered. It lacks the solidity of the pattern it wrests with, as much brush stroke and ribbons as it is fur and fire. Nine tails ripple out, wrapping around and into the pattern's nooks, and even though they are thin and stunted, they're plenty long enough to wrap past the fractal's ordered tempo. The equation shimmers, and though you cannot move or touch you reach to shield yourself as its pulse rings past your shades. The tails glow deeper, rising to match, and the world starts to burn brighter and brighter-
You perceive this in the span of a single instant, and then the phantasm snaps. Masterfully designed for stealth, not sturdiness. You are standing on a small flight of stairs that leads, directly and immediately, to the next door. It's barely ten feet down. There's even a railing.
Kitsune's hand is on your shoulder, steadying your balance as the rest of your body catches up with what your mind just experienced. The others seem less affected, but still stumble slightly as reality changes twice in quick succession.
"This bodes poorly." She says, panting slightly.
"That was not a conjurer of cheap tricks." You agree.
"Sure beats Penn and Teller." Rizzo quails.
Nonetheless, you carry on.
Once Again, the obvious sign posting was, in fact, obvious sign posting and not them misleading us!
The true winners are the "This is a Bad Idea, but let's do it anyway for the Funny" Squad.
The true winners are the "This is a Bad Idea, but let's do it anyway for the Funny" Squad.
Torgamous
Aspiring Gynoid
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Am I wrong to say that these numbers don't add up?
29 + 38 = 67 + 23 = 90 + 15 = 105, seems like they add up.
- Location
- USA
It feels like we've had a very bad time of it this quest. Feels like we haven't passed many checks.
Omegahugger
Inattentive Idiot
No Gonzo, he said it was even. This is why your journalism never went anywhere.
Ugh. I hope we don't fail the quest. Russ needs a win and we need to get our reputation up with the feds. Also, you're stressing me out a bit.
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KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
I wonder what was up with that possum. Another sapient animal, familiar, or augury drone?
Torgamous
Aspiring Gynoid
- Pronouns
- She/Her
It's just a little angel.