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DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest

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Cjdavis103 said:
Which is why I kind of want to kickstart her learning. The expression on her face when she creates her first Inator would be hilarious
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Given she canonically ends up with Ferb when the two are in their 20s, she's definitely got more Heinz in her than she knows. Charlene definitely knows that, too.

Also, speaking of our kids, I wonder what mean/snarky Norm Head is up to
 
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Did anyone ask for a non-canon Hero unit? No? Well too bad, you're getting one anyways.




Stats
Martial: 72 (He sure lives up to his title as the Dragon of Dojima. Seriously, you've never seen a monster quite like him!)

Diplomacy: 27 (Despite getting into fights every time he walks down the street, he seems to have a somewhat magnetic personality.)

Stewardship: 25 (He was a real estate agent who beat billionaires at their own game! However, he is a little rusty.)

Intrigue: 11 (He isn't exactly the most subtle of people.)

Learning: 8 (He isn't dumb, but he spends more time fighting then doing any practical science.)

Traits

???: He has some secrets he's not willing to to tell you yet.


Loyalty: 15

Evil benefits: +5
A New Start: +20 (He seems grateful for this new opportunity you've given him.)
Kooky and Wacky: -10 (It seems he's not used to your eccentricities yet.)
 
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Mentioned this in my last omake. Might as well expand upon it



Martial: 8 (Dave's a scrawny nerd. Always have been, always will be.)

Diplomacy: 5 (Dave's never really gotten the hang of this "people" thing. Ever since he blew his shot with Betty in the 4th grade, he just decided to be introverted and never look back.)

Stewardship: 12 (While he won't be able run a company any time soon, he did manage to stay on top of his studies in college and keep the lab he rented relatively neat.)

Intrigue: 11 (Dave's no spy, but experiences with bullying in high school have made him fairly decent at avoiding notice.)

Learning: 29 (As a Merlinian sorcerer, Dave has the power to access more of his brain power than the average human. Combine that with the fact that he's already smart to begin with (I mean, you can't really make musical tesla coils and be dumb), and you get something pretty impressive.

Occult: 42 (Dave's not just any Merlinian sorcerer, he's the Prime Merlinian, which puts him on a level above even the Morganian, Morgan le Fay. He can even cast spells without any sort of focus or medium!!)

Traits
I Brought a Little Science with Me: Dave is adept at Physics, and is very good at understanding the science and concept behind most magic spells. On any action that involves learning new magic, creating magitech, or fusing a spell with some form of science, Dave gains a +10 to his roll. Also, any allies that take said action with Dave in the nearby vicinity gain a +5 due to helpful advice from Dave (unless he is prevented from talking, because duh).

Non-Practicing Practitioner: Dave has a breadth of knowledge about the occult but also, ultimately, almost no experience using it. He has +5 to rolls made to learn more about supernatural subjects, but also cannot take any Occult actions that require him to cast a spell or otherwise manipulate magic himself without suffering a -15 malus.

Big Heart, Small Confidence: Ever since the incident that led to people in the NY Tri-State Area calling having a nervous breakdown "pulling a David Stutler", Dave has had issues with his self-image and his confidence. Upon getting into any sort of Occult or Martial check/contest, a d6 must be rolled. Upon rolling a 1, Dave's anxieties get the better of him and he automatically fails (if he was going to fail anyway, this trait has no effect and the roll proceeds as normal).

Added Brainpower: Sorcerers are able to use more of their brains than the average human's 10%. Because of this, Dave can think faster and react quicker, gaining a +5 to all Martial, Learning, and Occult rolls.

Introverted Habits: Dave just can't deal that well with his peers; must be a side effect of his 4th grade humiliation. -5 when dealing with other people, -10 if him/her is in his age group, -15 if that person is a pretty girl.

Dancing Duo: Juniper has (more or less) shanghaied Dave as her go-to partner if she's up for a dance. With Dave managing the effects and Juniper providing the dance, they are a very appealing duo. +10 to all rolls made by either of them if they both go on the same quest.

Semi-Phenomenal, Nearly-Cosmic: This unit may use their Occult score in place of their Martial score when in combat.

Loyalty: 15
Evil Benefits: +5
Declare Yourself Evil: -10 (Dave is an all-around nice guy, and a Merlinian, who are basically occult do-gooders. Not surprisingly, he has some concerns...)
Kooky and Wacky: -5 (Although Dave doesn't think this is a point against you, he is a bit weirded out by your... eccentric nature. However, he does say he'll eventually get used to it. Decays in two turns.)
Understanding Boss: +15 (You respected his decision to continue studying Merlinian sorcery, and even promised to help him look for a Merlinian Encantus. In fact, you actively encourage this line of study as well as his research with his tesla coils. He's very appreciative of this.)
Friendly Peers and Just Plain Friends: +10 (To Dave, it's nice to finally have coworkers that actually take an interest in him and what he's doing. Everyone's friendly and no one tries to belittle him or make fun of him. Also, the Doof Troop and Juniper are some of the first real friends his age that he's gotten. That's always a plus.)
???: Dave has some secrets that he's not ready to share just yet.

Known Preferences
In control: Dave likes to maintain a semblance of control over his life. He's not gonna freak out if things start suddenly going crazy, but it does make him a bit antsy.
Bachelor Bupkis: Dave is the exact opposite of a lady's man. He's clumsy, awkward, and a bit on the low side in the appearances department. And he knows it. So, he just prefers to avoid pretty girls his age all together. Vanessa, Janna, and Juniper are trying to help him through it, but it'll take a while.
???: You once saw Dave with a far-off look in his eyes gazing over towards the three teenage girls under your employ. What was that about?
 
Once this Quest is over we should send everyone expensive Belgian chocolate and aged whiskey specifically whiskey that we hit with the age accelerator inator maybe a few thousand years
 
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Doof Melts Anna
  • Sidestory
    • "Dad?" Vanessa called out from the living room.

    "Just a second my little visigoth!" you call out from the kitchen. Sure you had an entire corporation complete with the ability to hire a personal chef, but some things you had to make yourself. Like a Doonkleberry and bratwurst breakfast wrap.

    "Dad!" Vanessa cried out in mortified indignation.

    "Okay, my precious little ball of evil, you wanted me?" You ask as you stride into the living room. Vanessa is looking at your new newspaperweight.

    "What is this?" she asks, baffled.

    "Oh! It's my new newspaperweight! You know how all the important CEOs always have those little paperweights on their desk that look like statues or irons or stuff like that? I thought as an Important CEO who also rules a whole two and a half state area I needed something Bigger! So I thought to myself, 'what's even bigger than a paper and needs something bigger than a paperweight to weight it down?' and then I realized! Newspaper!" You explained, filled by the enthusiasm of the opportunity to have a flashback. It wasn't a backstory obviously since there was no pathos or tragedy to the memory.

    "Okay dad, sure. But why is it a frozen ice statue of a woman that isn't melting even though you have the heat at like a hundred and ten degrees in here?" Vanessa asks with a tone that makes you wonder if she thought that her implied question was really only logical question anyone would answer.

    "Oh. I got it on sale," You explain.

    "On sale?" Vanessa asks.

    "So, you remember that short green smuggler Janna the teenage Girl introduced us to?" you enquire hopefully.

    "Yeeeeessss?" Vanessa asks uncertainly.

    "Well, apparently for what he assured me were particularly credible reasons he needed to get rid of this statue before any witnesses walked by," you pause. "You know, thinking back on it, that was an odd turn of phrase, wasn't it? Witnesses?"

    Vanessa nodded, though you get the feeling that she wasn't really taking in your question about wording.

    "Apparently it's an ancient Arandellean Ice Statue. Made of a Princess Anna of Arendelle to commemorate her final moments. Anna was one of the last monarchs of the city-state of Arendelle before it was wiped out by a flood from a dam being broken a few years later and everyone in the city drowning," you explained.

    "That's a lot more morbid than the decorations you usually go for, dad." Vanessa observed with... was that pride?

    "Well, I actually didn't want it as a decoration," you admit. "I wanted to use my de-icinator on it, but when I got back I realized that I never actually built a de-icinator. What I actually built was this 'reverse cursinator' that either reverses curses, or it stops people from swearing on late night television. I'm not sure which, and there's really no way to test it," you admit.

    "Why don't you fire it at that statue? The last statue of a doomed people created to commemorate a dead princess? It sounds pretty cursed to me," Vanessa urged.

    That wasn't how curses worked at all! You knew because... well... actually maybe it was how curses worked? For all you'd said 'Curse You!' to your nemeses, you'd never actually managed to actually curse them.

    "Why not?" You decided. if it didn't work, then... at least Vanessa might enjoy it?

    With a lout 'Brraattt!' punctuated by a sound that was almost like an inflated paper bag being popped by a child jumping on it, the hand held reverse cursinator fired, hitting the statue.

    The statue which was slowly starting to become more colorful? It's hair, its skin, even its clothes.

    You blinked. Hard. Twice.

    It worked! It worked! Your Reverse Cursinator Worked! You could almost dance a Jig! In fact, you would almost dance a jig; right now!

    Now you could reverse so many curses! It would be perfect! if any of your minions got cursed you could just-

    Vanessa was caught between fascination at the statue and horrified fascination at your dancing, and seemed to actually be in some distress as to which sight she should be watching. you decided to wave at her.

    Unfortunately, you forgot that you were holding the reverse-cursinator. It flew off the open balcony of your skyscraper and landed with a small explosion on the ground after a few seconds.

    You slump. Of course you wouldn't get to use the reverse cursinator again, even if you had wanted to. Even without your best nemesis... well, it was almost like he was still foiling your even schemes in spirit. you don't think you've had a single inator stay in one piece after he...

    It was almost like he was still thwarting you from the afterlife.

    A warm feeling filled your chest at the thought.

    Only for a loud coughing to interrupt it as the redheaded... princess? if this was her likeness and she was actually a cursed statue it would have to be the princess, right? As the redheaded princess coughed, only to slip off the pile of newspapers you'd placed her on and fall onto the floor.

    "Oh right. The princess. Should I get Khan to take care of her? Not that I couldn't do it of course! But ancient royalty returned from the dead after centuries is... more his area of expertise."

    "Dad! Stop thinking and get her a blanket! she's freezing!"

    "Technically she's unfreezing but-" Vanessa's glare sent you scurrying to get a blanket, which you brought back and handed to your daughter to drape the redhead in.

    The thought occurred that maybe you should tell your secretary to cancel your meetings for the day.

    And to send up a few more doonkleberry-bratwurst wraps.
     
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  • Sidestory
    • Stratagemini said:
    "Dad?" Vanessa called out from the living room.

    "Just a second my little visigoth!" you call out from the kitchen. Sure you had an entire corporation complete with the ability to hire a personal chef, but some things you had to make yourself. Like a Doonkleberry and bratwurst breakfast wrap.

    "Dad!" Vanessa cried out in mortified indignation.

    "Okay, my precious little ball of evil, you wanted me?" You ask as you stride into the living room. Vanessa is looking at your new newspaperweight.

    "What is this?" she asks, baffled.

    "Oh! It's my new newspaperweight! You know how all the important CEOs always have those little paperweights on their desk that look like statues or irons or stuff like that? I thought as an Important CEO who also rules a whole two and a half state area I needed something Bigger! So I thought to myself, 'what's even bigger than a paper and needs something bigger than a paperweight to weight it down?' and then I realized! Newspaper!" You explained, filled by the enthusiasm of the opportunity to have a flashback. It wasn't a backstory obviously since there was no pathos or tragedy to the memory.

    "Okay dad, sure. But why is it a frozen ice statue of a woman that isn't melting even though you have the heat at like a hundred and ten degrees in here?" Vanessa asks with a tone that makes you wonder if she thought that her implied question was really only logical question anyone would answer.

    "Oh. I got it on sale," You explain.

    "On sale?" Vanessa asks.

    "So, you remember that short green smuggler Janna the teenage Girl introduced us to?" you enquire hopefully.

    "Yeeeeessss?" Vanessa asks uncertainly.

    "Well, apparently for what he assured me were particularly credible reasons he needed to get rid of this statue before any witnesses walked by," you pause. "You know, thinking back on it, that was an odd turn of phrase, wasn't it? Witnesses?"

    Vanessa nodded, though you get the feeling that she wasn't really taking in your question about wording.

    "Apparently it's an ancient Arandellean Ice Statue. Made of a Princess Anna of Arendelle to commemorate her final moments. Anna was one of the last monarchs of the city-state of Arendelle before it was wiped out by a flood from a dam being broken a few years later and everyone in the city drowning," you explained.

    "That's a lot more morbid than the decorations you usually go for, dad." Vanessa observed with... was that pride?

    "Well, I actually didn't want it as a decoration," you admit. "I wanted to use my de-icinator on it, but when I got back I realized that I never actually built a de-icinator. What I actually built was this 'reverse cursinator' that either reverses curses, or it stops people from swearing on late night television. I'm not sure which, and there's really no way to test it," you admit.

    "Why don't you fire it at that statue? The last statue of a doomed people created to commemorate a dead princess? It sounds pretty cursed to me," Vanessa urged.

    That wasn't how curses worked at all! You knew because... well... actually maybe it was how curses worked? For all you'd said 'Curse You!' to your nemeses, you'd never actually managed to actually curse them.

    "Why not?" You decided. if it didn't work, then... at least Vanessa might enjoy it?

    With a lout 'Brraattt!' punctuated by a sound that was almost like an inflated paper bag being popped by a child jumping on it, the hand held reverse cursinator fired, hitting the statue.

    The statue which was slowly starting to become more colorful? It's hair, its skin, even its clothes.

    You blinked. Hard. Twice.

    It worked! It worked! Your Reverse Cursinator Worked! You could almost dance a Jig! In fact, you would almost dance a jig; right now!

    Now you could reverse so many curses! It would be perfect! if any of your minions got cursed you could just-

    Vanessa was caught between fascination at the statue and horrified fascination at your dancing, and seemed to actually be in some distress as to which sight she should be watching. you decided to wave at her.

    Unfortunately, you forgot that you were holding the reverse-cursinator. It flew off the open balcony of your skyscraper and landed with a small explosion on the ground after a few seconds.

    You slump. Of course you wouldn't get to use the reverse cursinator again, even if you had wanted to. Even without your best nemesis... well, it was almost like he was still foiling your even schemes in spirit. you don't think you've had a single inator stay in one piece after her...

    It was almost like he was still thwarting you from the afterlife.

    A warm feeling filled your chest at the thought.

    Only for a loud coughing to interrupt it as the redheaded... princess? if this was her likeness and she was actually a cursed statue it would have to be the princess, right? As the redheaded princess coughed, only to slip off the pile of newspapers you'd placed her on and fall onto the floor.

    "Oh right. The princess. Should I get Khan to take care of her? Not that I couldn't do it of course! But ancient royalty returned from the dead after centuries is... more his area of expertise."

    "Dad! Stop thinking and get her a blanket! she's freezing!"

    "Technically she's unfreezing but-" Vanessa's glare sent you scurrying to get a blanket, which you brought back and handed to your daughter to drape the redhead in.

    The thought occurred that maybe you should tell your secretary to cancel your meetings for the day.

    And to send up a few more doonkleberry-bratwurst wraps.
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    ...Heck, I forgot Frozen could potentially have a long-lasting remnant if it doesn't feature in Classic. This is scary, here.

    I will not let this go.
     
    KitRougard said:
    ...Heck, I forgot Frozen could potentially have a long-lasting remnant if it doesn't feature in Classic. This is scary, here.

    I will not let this go.
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    Frozen is definitively in Classic. Nothing about it is modern. Arendelle is in Norway (if I recall right) and the ice spreads out over Scandinavia.

    I even got to write a morbid reprise of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" sung by Snow Anna, a failed copy of the original Anna made by Elsa in her misery. Its one of my favorite DVV musical numbers.

    EDIT: Forgot to mention the omake gave me a chuckle. Good work.
     
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    Well, it's fun and fine as long as we don't get insistent on it being canon. I, for one, want to enjoy the noncanon omakes, mindful that they are noncanon, and just chill about it.
     
    Simon_Jester said:
    Well, it's fun and fine as long as we don't get insistent on it being canon. I, for one, want to enjoy the noncanon omakes, mindful that they are noncanon, and just chill about it.
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    Oh, yes, it was really funny. I particularly enjoyed the contrast of reactions between Doof and Vanessa from having a cursed-princess-from-an-ancient-destroyed-nation wake up in their living room.

    Vanessa's all "Oh my god!" while Doof is like "Eh, I'll go fetch Temujin, he's the expert."
     
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    Interlude: Moolah and Magic- Thriller
  • Threadmarks



    • "Oh thank god." Drake Stone declares, and you can feel the mood of the remaining crowd agree with him. There's only so many square dances you can perform a jig before you tear your own feet off.

    "Do not waste your time, simpletons!" Winnifred screeched mockingly. "Thine choice of funeral dirge shall not save thee. We cannot be defeat-"

    Janna Occult Check: 90+12+10+55=171
    Winnifred Occult Contest: 56+30+20+20+5=131

    Another burst of flame incinerated the witches. The various undead stared dumbly for a few seconds until they burst out of a nearby alley.

    "We cannot-"

    Janna Occult Check: 64+12+10+55=141
    Winnifred Occult Contest: 62+30+20+20+5=137

    This time Janna electrocuted them, leaving them singed but still standing.

    "I feel as though thou art not getting this."

    "Will you stop that!!!" Mary complained.

    "Clear the chaff!" Horvath yelled, arcing his cane across the throng. A hail of plasma bolts impacted the slavering zombies, sending them scorched to the ground.

    With the sheer number of spooks and skeletons on the field, its becoming impossible to avoid getting caught in the fray. You see Max and Vanessa slowly back away from the horde.

    "Nice skeletons. Good zombies." Max said slowly, even as his arms worked their way through Michael Jackson's greatest hits. "C'mon, we don't need to fiiiight! You're uh... friends with Janna, right? Can't we just talk this out?

    Max Diplomacy Check
    DC 100 needed: 87+13+10+14+10=134
    Success!

    The duck-billed skeleton stared at Max for a moment, then tilted its head. A couple of them rubbed their chins.

    "Oh my god, is this really working?" Vanessa asked.

    "Don't question it." Max whispered out of the corner of his mouth. Seems like he's finally learning. "Yeahhhh! Why are you fighting for that mean old witch anyway? She's never done anything for you."

    The skeletons in front of him shrugged.

    Winnifred groaned.

    "You just can't get decent help these days." Feldrake commiserated with the hag.

    "Those are your servants." Janna noted.

    "I know what I said."

    It was at this point that the reasonable skeletons were bowled apart like a tenpin strike by the still ravenous zombie hordes.

    "Well, it was nice while it lasted." Max said quietly.

    No! Your little pumpkin is in danger! You can't just dance here doing nothing! Come on, you have to try something! You can't stop dancing, but there's got to be something you can do without-

    Wait a second.

    Doof Martial Check: Clear a path!
    DC 140 needed: 72+20+14+10+10+20 ( Jī Talisman)+30(parental instinct)=176
    Success!

    You're not all that great at fighting, but you do know this dance pretty well. You've done it a lot back in the day! With all the zombies dancing to the same beat, you're able to take advantage of the way they move and shuffle in line to first pick up one corpse, and then use it to bowl over an entire shambling row in one go.

    Unfortunately, by the time you clear a path to your darling little visigoth, she's already long gone! "What happened!?!" You panic for half a second before Max interrupts your train of thought.

    "She just used that, uh, teleport-thingy you gave her. Dunno why she didn't use it earlier, but… oh well."

    Oh right. You'd forgotten about that.

    Zombie Horde martial check: 99+18+20+50 (Overwhelming Numbers)-10 (Thriller)=155
    Doof Martial Contest: 73+20+14+10+10+20 ( Jī Talisman)=147

    Unfortunately, in your eagerness to get to Vanessa you left yourself wide open and backed into a corner. The zombie horde slowly dances towards you, and for every one you toss to the side another three are already waiting to jump into the fray! You find yourself pummeled by rotting fists and sincerely hope that zombieism isn't transmitted by bite like it is in all the movies. You'll have to ask Janna later, since you only just learned that zombies existed about five minutes ago. Fighting back is made considerably more difficult by the continuing need to dance, until you realize that you have the Jī Talisman and can just… fly away.

    Puck Occult Check: Thin the horde! 85+55=140
    Zombie Horde contest: 76+18+20=114
    Puck Success!

    "Fair's fowl, fowl's fair, send these birds unto the air!"

    A significant chunk of the horde suddenly finds itself with the exact opposite orientation vis a vis gravity they had hitherto enjoyed. A significant number of skeletal ducks go zooming into the riotous sky, flapping skeletal wings ineffectually. Since this is, after all, the Magus Bazaar, you see several of them dashed against the upside-down buildings above you.

    While you're glad you could use your flight to get away, it has had the somewhat unfortunate side-effect of leaving Max alone in a horde of zombies.

    Zombie Horde Martial Check: 47+18+20+30 (overwhelming numbers)=115
    Max Martial Contest: 88+8+10+10(Tooned Out)+14+10+10=150

    "C'mon think Max. Think! What would Russ do???"

    "Russ is standing right there." You say confusedly.

    "I know."

    "Soooo… ask him?"

    "No no." Russ said,holding up a hand mid-move. "He's setting up a narrative on purpose. This is progress."

    Max prevaricates until, a moment later, He places his hands on his hips and gives what you can really only describe as 'the Russ glare'. "Stop in the name of America."

    The zombies stare at him for a few moments before leaping forwards, ravenous hunger in their eyes.

    Dropping the act immediately, Max screams and ducks, cowering. All of the zombies go flying over his head, some of them tumbling off into the distance and others smashing into each other in a heap.

    Max slowly opens one eye.

    "I would have preferred a different punchline." Russ grumbles. "But well done."

    You look over to see how Janna has been handling the Sanderson Sisters.

    "Infernal Missile!" she shouts, and the Sandersons are burned to cinders by a bolt of red-hot fire. Seconds later their bodies have reconstituted, looking more confused than angry.

    "Did you not hear what we said? We cannot-!"

    "Wall of Knives!" Janna intones as the witches are set upon by a mass of whirling blades.

    Pandarus and Horvath share a look, as if even they're a bit concerned.

    "Are you sure you wanna do the whole 'shout name of attack to attack' focusing? I always preferred the 'glare menacingly as dark magic flows through your body and your very orifices glow with baleful light' method."

    "I'm proving a point and getting some practice in! What's the use in coming up with a cool spell name if you enemies don't get to hear it before they die?"

    Janna pauses for a moment. "...wait, every orifice?"

    "M'lady." Puck interrupts the carnage as the smooth beats of Michael Jackson continue to rebound throughout the Bazaar. "This is as fine a midsummer's night's entertainment as I can consider, but if I may. You needs be lucky all the evening long. They needs be lucky but once."

    "Mmmmh." Janna groans, sending another blast at the witches. "You might be right, this is wearing thin. We can't do this all night."

    She thinks for a moment. "...I mean maybe we can, but I don't want to."

    Doof Martial check: 40+20+14+10+10+20 (Jī Talisman)=114
    Zombie Horde Martial contest: 38+18+20+20 (Overwhelming Numbers)-10 (Thriller)=86

    "I'm open to ideas!" You yell, taking advantage of a brief moonwalk to slam another row of spooky skeletons into bone meal. "Wait, if they're brought back to life by that creepy candle, can't we just blow it out?"

    "No. It's Satan magic, it doesn't work that way." Janna replies.

    "How do you know?"

    "Don't ask questions unless you want the answers to them."

    "That is the single most concerning response you could have given."

    Occult Check: Is there anything that can stop the witches before sunup?
    DC 140 needed: 86+4+10+10+12+60 (Collected magical expertise of the entire eastern seaboard)=182
    Success!

    "Only one thing stops a devil's might." Puck opines, even as he continues giving Janna the magical equivalent of a fresh magazine. "Sad to say, tis' Heaven's light." Puck says this in much the same way Janna herself might suggest the idea of going to the vice-principal for help.

    "A churchyard?" Russ suggests.

    "'T'woud do it."

    Janna Intrigue Check: Formulate a plan!
    DC 100 needed:
    67+20+10+38+10=145

    "I may have an idea." Janna says, before sildling over to the auction block.

    "Enough of this!" Winnifred screamed. "My patience grows thin."

    "And the fire really hurts!" Sarah agrees.

    "Sisters! Hand me the Manual. I shall find a spell within its pages to turn this entire cavalcade of trinkets to dust upon the wind!"

    There is a pause.

    "Sisters? Why are you not handing me the book?"

    Sarah shrugs.

    "I thought you had it." Mary says.

    "Where hast it gone?!?!" Winnifred screams.

    "Uhhh, it didn't burn up did it?"

    "Nay! Not even the fires of hell could singe it! It must be here somewhere sister! Quickly, sear-!"

    "Hey fugly!" Janna yells, holding up a thick, soot-blackened tome. "Lookin' for this?"

    "THE BOOK!!!" All three of them screech in unison.

    "Janna what are you doing?"

    "Trust me and keep up." She replies before breaking into a sprint.

    Winnifred points a hand dramatically. "AFTER HER!"

    "But Winnieeeee." Mary Sanderson moans. "They burnt up my new broomstick."

    "Then use the infernal sucking contraption again, I care not. Now! With haste!"

    ---

    Janna leads the pack through the Bazaar, book still tucked tightly under her arm. Behind her, soaring along on a broom, a mop, and an irritatingly loud vacuum, the three Sanderson Sisters scream and bay for her head. A little ways back are you, Max, and Russ, all still dancing to the beat as you run. Apparently Russ can still cartwheel.

    Along with you are Horvath and Pandarus, who seem to be along for the ride at this point. Behind them is a considerably reduced but still considerable mob of undead monstrosities. Behind them are a number of lesser witches, warlocks, and mystical creatures, Glooms included, seemingly still stuck in the beat. Puck is hovering above all of you, failing miserably or perhaps not even trying to hold back laughter.

    At the very tail end of the surreal race is a single minotaur, apparently still here and carrying his boombox over his head, just to make sure your madness doesn't lack musical accompaniment.

    All in all, you think privately to yourself, because tonight you have learned an important lesson in tempting fate aloud, it's a wonder the music hasn't changed to Benny Hill. It gets even more absurd when everyone starts trying to squeeze into the portal building-

    The portal building?!?

    Wait a second. Is Janna leading you out into the streets of New York?!

    ---
    In a dusty backroom of Grand Central Station, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz slowly opened the door hiding the Magus portal.

    "...is it over?"

    Janna practically exploded out of the whirling portal, almost knocking Vanessa down.

    "Hey Vanessa I'm in a hurry talk later bye!" Janna managed to yell before spinning out of the office and running out of the backrooms.

    A moment later, three witches on various cleaning implements came flying out of the portal, clearing the doorframe by inches and knocking over a potted cactus.

    They were followed seconds later by Vanessa's father, his employees, two wizards, a horde of zombies, dancing pixies, more wizards, a laughing elf guy, and a minotaur with a boombox.

    In that order.

    "That would be a no." Vanessa said.

    ---

    Xanatos is going to kill you! This must be what the prophecy was talking about when it said a veil would fall!

    "Uhhh, guys? Not to be a stickler, but…"

    "Horvath, Pandarus! Put up the best glamours you can manage!" Russ declares. "Everyone else, just act like this is normal! It's Halloween night! This worked in '71, it'll work now!"

    Intrigue check: Disguise this walking disaster area!
    DC 130
    21+14+38+10+5+50(glamour)=138
    Bare success!

    Working together, the two dark wizards manage to throw up a glamour charm before anyone on the outside can notice anything's amiss! Of course, it doesn't make the patrons of Grand Central Station ignore the mass of strangers dance-running in their midst, but it does manage to gloss over some fine details in their minds. It's Halloween night! Of course it makes sense for there to be a Thriller flash mob! Those zombie costumes are really good, and whoever set this thing up was dedicated. Okay, so one or two of the smarter people are looking at you oddly, and several children scream and run crying. You're willing to call this a success.

    "Hey uh, somebody who lives in New York." You ask in the midst of that back-and-forth head tilt thing that you never realized before must have given MJ the worst neck cramps. "How far is it to the nearest cemetery?"

    "Two miles." Horvath replies impassively, using a bit of magic to join you in hovering over the street at a decent clip.

    Max blanches. "Oh boy."

    Intrigue check: Keep the Sandersons distracted!
    DC 130 needed: 58+14+38+10+45(Puck and two powerful wizards helping)=165
    Success!

    Janna takes full advantage of having the Sandersons' undivided attention, taunting them repeatedly by waving the blackened tome in their direction. Thanks to some backup from you (you're good at being obnoxious) and several carefully chosen spells from the magical types, she doesn't even have to worry about any spells being slung in her direction. Slowly but surely, the mob marches its way down Park Avenue, past the Chrysler building, past Madison Square and Bleecker Street, blaring Michael Jackson at a frankly unreasonable volume, until finally you reach one of the few open spaces within the vast concrete jungle.

    Janna Intrigue Check: One last Trick with a Treat
    79+20+45+20(almost perfect bait)=164
    Winnifred Opposed Intrigue Contest:73+12+13+5=103

    "There is nowhere left to run, child!" Winnifred cackles. "Give me the book!"

    "Come and... get it." Janna panted, still getting her breath back from doing two miles in less than fourteen minutes.

    Heedless and blind to the world, Winnifred soared forwards and snatched the tome out of Janna's hands.

    "At last at last!" Winnifred cackled. "No more delays, I will know the recipe posthaste!" She flipped the book open. "Let me see, I remember the boil, the pox, the piece of my own tongue-"

    "Dead man's toe!" Sarah supplied.

    "Yes yes dead man's toe. All I need to check is-" Winnifred looked down at the page. "ONE POUND DICED PINEAPPLE?!?!?!"

    "Gotcha." Janna smirked, yanking the Mad Mojo Cookbook out of Winnifred's hands and running Feldrake down the side of the witch's broom like a match. A moment later his eyes caught on fire.

    "Uh oh." All three witches said together.

    Janna Occult Check: Torch the rides: 92+10+12+55=169
    Winnifred Occult Check: Resist 78+30+20+20+5-20(hallowed ground)=133

    Sparks lept from Feldrake's eyes, and within seconds a broom, a mop and, quite inexplicably, a vacuum all burst into flame. All three witches tumbled down to ground level as you and the rest of your strange, strange cavalcade made it into the churchyard. Bereft of updated orders, the various skeletons and zombies began wandering through the gate, shuddering for a moment, and then bursting into dust.

    "You picked the wrong party to crash." You say, repeating something you saw in a movie once. You realize after a second you have the threatening tones of Vincent Price backing you up, which is probably helping the evil gloating a lot. "Why if I had a nickel for every time a major social event I attended turned into a fight to the death, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but still, weird that it happens twice, right?"

    You pause for a moment, not sure how to swing this back to intimidating, but then you realize the song is finally ending and the perfect opportunity presents itself.

    You and Vincent Price laugh in perfect synchronicity.

    "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ahahaha."

    Winnifred scrambles up from the holy ground, and screeches as her feet begin to steam and glow beneath her. "Accursed child! Accursed apothecary! Accursed wizards and witches all!"

    Winnifred Occult Check: Spit one last curse
    87+30+20+20+5+30 (Dramatic Last Words)=192
    Doofenshmirtz Occult Contest:
    33+4+20(I do the cursing around here)+45+30 (Hallowed Ground Bonus)=132

    You feel a terrible wind whip through the cemetery as the witches begin to chant. You can hear Puck try to drown them out with his own witty repartee, but for some reason he sounds like he's coming from the other end of the tunnel.

    "Hear me well and hear me wise, though meet we now with our demise. To stone we turn on hallowed ground, but peace, respite will not be found! With my last breath I do intone- thine doom as well, will come through Stone! I damn my soul now unencumbered. This city's days, I say, are numbered!"

    Something has been sped up.
    To Be Continued in: Twelfth Night​
    As Winnifred finishes her spiteful verse, the light and smoke grows to blinding intensity.

    "Smile, girls." Mary says morosely.

    Winnifred scowls and clenches her fists in fury.

    "Winnie, don't make that face." Sarah says. "It'll… freeze... like… that…"

    There is a blinding flash. When you can see again, the witches are gone. In their place are three tombstones, of Sarah, Mary, and Winnifred Sanderson, each crowned by a horrifying statue of dark stone.

    Martial Check: Stay on your feet
    DC 90 required
    14+20+14+10+10+20(dancing experience)=88
    Bare failure

    There is a thump as every one of your party members, barring Janna and yourself, collapse as the spell ends and their freed leg muscles immediately give out.

    "Ow." Max says.

    "Ow." Russ agrees.

    ---

    Once everyone had recovered from… all of that, you went your separate ways. You decided to take Vanessa and Max on a pleasant night somewhere on Broadway, an activity that contains nothing strange and requires absolutely no movement. John Carpenter's The Thing meets Aliens vs. Predator: The Musical was a very fun play, even if you did find yourself wincing at all the simulated gore and profanity that was weaved into the lyrics. Come to think of it, maybe you weren't on Broadway.

    Russ has gone off to do whatever it is that secret agents do. Write a report probably, possibly scream in the privacy of his own room. Heaven knows you wouldn't blame the man. You find out a little while later, when Russ is waiting outside the theatre and takes you aside afterwards with a serious expression on his face.

    More serious than usual you mean.

    "Doofenshmirtz… I wanted to thank you for helping deal with the breach we almost had tonight."

    "Eh?"

    "The witches. And the dancing parade of zombies. And… so on."

    "Oh. Uh, yeah. No problem, I guess."

    Russ sighs.

    "Doctor, it's becoming clearer by the day that you do have good intentions-"

    "Evil." you correct him.

    "Sure. The point is. I know you don't want to hurt anyone, and I hope that you recognize why, for the time being, being too brazen with magic would."

    You grimace. You were half-expecting something like this. "I know, I know. But just think of everything I could accomplish! Potions in every drug store! A massive boom to the lawn gnome industry! A magical L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N! ...Okay, maybe not a magical L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N."

    "I wish I could say the Huntsclan was unique." Russ says quietly. "They're not. I've had a lot of cases where the big bad monster ended up being the aggrieved party. Sometimes… sometimes I was too late."

    You sit in silence for a moment.

    "Xanatos is right." Russ admits. "Even if he was being very… manipulative. I know it's hard Doctor, but please. For their good. Keep their secrets."

    What do you say?

    [ ] "All right, I get it. I'll keep things on the down low for now."
    [ ] "You're wrong, and I'll prove it to you."

    You and Russ part ways again, still feeling uncomfortable. You guess you know what Russ does when he's not around you now. He comes up with nasty arguments for tough moral questions.

    As for what Janna's doing, well. Who knows with her, anyway?

    ---

    A shadow slipped through the bazaar, hood pulled over their head. This was not particularly unusual, nor was the simple wooden staff they carried. What might be slightly unusual is how it complained.

    "Come on, you can't just glamor Lord Feldrake! I'm a magnificent magical power source, I deserve respect!

    "Shhh." Janna whispered. "Hold on."

    Arriving back at the still-deserted square, Janna slipped over to the set of scorched flagstones that was the site of the Sanderson Sisters' repeated incinerations.

    "They said it wouldn't burn, they said it wouldn't-"

    Janna smiled. There, sitting on the ground in front of her, hidden under collapsed tinder but remarkably unharmed, was the Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy.

    "Janna, you're my favorite apprentice."

    "And you're my favorite evil artifact."

    "We should really see about figuring out how to get you to cast magic on your own one of these-"

    Suddenly, the book's one grisly eye snapped open, staring at the world with bloodshot menace.

    Janna poked it.

    The eye blinked.

    "Boop."

    [ ] Yoink the Book (Moderate Intrigue Check to avoid anyone seeing you take it)
    [ ] Return the Book to the dark wizard Pandarus (Hard Diplomacy Check to not take it- come on, it's Janna)

    ---

    From an alcove, another figure skulked. This one popped open a small device, and Molly spoke in her angry, synthetic tones.

    "Yes. He was here. That item you were worried about? He bought it." Molly paused a moment. "And he had a wizard with him. Strong. She called herself…"

    "Lord Feldrake."

    ---

    Quest: Moolah and Magic completed!
    Janna has met up with Brocamas! She can do jobs for the leprechaun and possibly obtain magical items in return! 'Work for Brocamas' Personal Action unlocked!
    Multiverse's Best Sandwich, Scrolls of Jo-Lan, Crystal Key, and Yáng Talisman obtained!
    You have made a reasonable first impression on the Glooms! This warlock duo is of… questionable competence, to say the least, but they do seem to know quite a bit about the interdimensional scene, and they also have a couple magical artifacts on hand. They have been added to your Rolodex!
    You have made a decent first impression on Magica De Spell! The witch will be open to buying unwanted magical artifacts off of you in the future.
    You (well, Janna, but close enough) have made a favorable first impression on Eli Pandarus, who has suggested he would be open to a collaboration in the future!
    Janna has made a favorable first impression on Maxim Horvath! He suggested that he might be willing to part with an Encantus at a future date, but not for money!
    Open Ties to Magical New York Diplomacy action unlocked!
    Networking in public among prominent movers and shakers has let people see you for what you truly are. Most people in the know now think that you're a moron, but one who gets things done regardless, and the people you surround yourself with are clearly formidable. 'Diseased Lunatic of Danville' now only provides an increase of 7 to any Intrigue actions made against DEI.
    Doof's Intrigue has increased by 3! Janna's Intrigue has increased by 2! Janna's Occult has increased by 3!
    Agent Russ' Occult score revealed to be 15! Agent Russ is not a spell slinger, but he has spent decades dealing with them.

    You may also gain a couple of other things, depending on how you vote this interlude.

    ---

    'Doof Troop' has been removed from Janna, Max, and Vanessa. This trait was a bit more problematic than we initially planned. We were hasty in handing it out after the company retreat and realized too late that the three of them have very little in common. This makes it a bit complicated to write as they don't play off of each other very well, and it's also unfair for you to use. The quests Janna is in highest demand on are the ones Max hates and Vanessa is forbidden from attending. If we're going to develop them properly, we need to start putting them in positions where they can actually develop.

    Don't worry about the loss of a quest team, though. Barring catastrophe, you'll be getting a new trait in the near future.

    The Marcnificent Few.

    ---

    There will be a two hour moratorium on voting.
     
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