As the discussions caused by the A&T chapter XI finale continue, I decided to throw in some comedy, drama, and WAFF (not necessarily in that order).
After confering with Strypgia, we decided to work on the reality a bit to keep the sync between
Hangover and
Four of Us alive and operational. From my previous work and the consequences of this decision, today's update is born. Therefore, without further ado, I present:
================================================================
Four of Us - Part 8.
Late August 2021
"I-it's not that I don't enjoy it… but is this really necessary to do it that often?" Shinji asked with apprehension and stared at his husband with serious doubt in his glare. The tube in Kaworu's hand has been the main source of the emotions he was now expressing.
"My beloved, trust me. You know this works and it is necessary to ensure everything goes smoothly. I just assisted our wives in that regard, and they were most cooperative." Kaworu's voice was deceptively calm. "Now, it is your turn. And if you protest, I believe they will be more than willing to help me… but we don't want to inconvenience them, do we?" Kaworu kept talking while slowly approaching Shinji. "Now… remove your clothes, please, and sit back. I will do my best to make the experience… enjoyable."
"All of them?"
"Yes, all of them. It would likely take both of them to hold you."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "I mean, all of the clothes?"
Kaworu looked at him with a glare expressing equal confusion. "Ah. That. Yes. While not
strictly necessary, it will improve the experience."
"Yours or mine?" Shinji raised his eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.
Kaworu sighed. "You
are being uncooperative, dear husband. While I do enjoy the sound of your voice, not to mention our witty repartee, you're only delaying the inevitable. You may leave your wedding ring on" he paused. "On second thought, I insist that you do."
Shinji sighed in exasperation. Kaworu had only the best intentions, of course, but there was something about the way he presented them did not sit very well with Shinji. Still, in the face of such persuasion – and the threat of inconveniencing two other people he cared about most in the world – he had to relent. He started to undress slowly.
Kaworu grinned wide and started to squeeze the ointment out of the tube.
***
Earlier that month
"All right, my darlings" Kaworu started when everyone finished enjoying their food and each other. "I know we're all in state of bliss we would rather not leave until next Christmas, and we have every right to stay in it for a while, but there is one thing we must address." He waited until three pairs of eyes in various stages of clouding focused on him before he resumed. "Does anyone know how to care for our marks of devotion?" He gestured to the artistic rendition of his spouses' names on his chest. Realisation dawned on faces across the room.
"I believe I know some basic rules" Rei started after returning to the mostly vertical position, causing Asuka to pout and mumble something about an elusive pillow. "Allow me a few minutes to collect my research", she requested and climbed out of bed. An attempt to take a step made her realise her legs were more than slightly shaky. "Oh. I also believe my beloved wife's appetite has left me a little bit less capable of leaving."
Asuka tilted her head. "I'll take it as a compliment… and a further suggestion" she grinned. "Shinji, would you assist our dear wife?" she requested, her voice cheerful.
Shinji happily complied, getting out of bed quickly and letting Rei rest on his shoulder. They left the room chased by Asuka's yell: "But remember, go in, collect research, return here! Don't get distracted!"
Asuka waited until the door closed behind them, then slithered closer to Kaworu, embracing him and pressing her whole body against his back. "I believe we have about ten minutes before they return. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Hmmmm… I believe so, but I think the sausages might've gone cold in the meantime" he replied in an absent voice.
The redhead's facepalm was audible. "If it's another of your jokes… I swear, if you weren't so cute, weren't my husband, and didn't make all my spouses so happy, I would kill you for those."
Kaworu shook out of his reverie and turned to face Asuka – as much as he could, considering her strong grasp on his body.
"And I would welcome that, as long as that sentence would be executed by your wonderfully strong thighs, my dear amazon-wife."
Asuka blinked for a second before releasing the grasp on him and falling back, twitching with laughter. It took her a while to be able to talk again; "Are you really looking forward to death by snu-snu, my dear angel?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.
"Well, I prefer to survive the encounters, but if this makes you happy…" he replied, his voice serious.
"You're not getting away that easily, I'm afraid. But now that you mention it, I think I could enjoy a bit of a feast" she stretched on the bed. Kaworu wasted no time in admiring the sight.
"Was that an 'ea' there, or an 'i'?" he asked with a smirk and flexed his fists innocuously.
Asuka's eyes widened once she realised the implications; her face turned red split second later.
"Asuka, sorry if-"
"Stop" she jumped up and put her finger on his lips. "I just wanted to be poetic and say 'eat me' in a nice way, but now that you mention the other thing…" she trailed off, her voice serious again.
"Yes?" he tilted his head.
"Let's keep this idea under wraps for now, okay? I'll get back to it soon-ish" she was looking him directly into the eye. He nodded in reply, making her serious demeanour drop to be replaced with a grin. "Great! Now, where were we… ah, yes. You were pondering the wonders of death by snu-snu, and I was willing to oblige, just without the death part. So – lay down on your back, pretty boy, and I will make sure you get the near-snu-snu experience!"
Kaworu chuckled. "By your command, my queen" he declared while following her directions.
"I can get used to that, careful" she smiled at him; this time, it was warm, not mischievous. He could only smile back in kind; soon, his lips were too busy even for that.
***
"So, the rules are generally simple" Rei started in her typical voice after they returned, after a little bit too long for the task at hand. She also neither spared a comment about a wide smile Asuka wore, nor said anything about Kaworu's stupid grin. "All we need to do is to keep them clean and moisturised. For the few beginning days, they should be moist at all times – reasonably – and then, treated daily for the next few weeks. As we had been a little neglectful for the first few days, I think something with better soothing qualities would be adequate."
"I think we have something adequate in the medical box, and I will get more as soon as possible. Thank you, Rei" Shinji smiled at his wife. "You're a wonderful source of wisdom, as always."
Rei smiled back with her usual small smile. "And you certainly know how to make my source flow."
It took a few seconds for comprehension to occur and groans to occur. Rei smile widened.
"That… notwithstanding, I think I will go shopping for that" Shinji broke the awkward silence.
"If I may have a request, dear husband?" Rei interjected as he opened the door.
"Of course, Rei. What is it?"
"I believe Asuka could use some sausage" she explained.
He blinked in confusion; Asuka just glared at her wife. "Rei?"
"We're out of your favourite kind, and I thought you would enjoy some for tomorrow breakfast."
Shinji's palm went to his face. "I… never mind" he turned and started a very difficult task of hunting for clothes, disappearing from the picture.
Asuka turned to the bluenette. "Rei, you know I love you. But really, sometimes I have this inexplicable urge to choke you. Just a bit."
Rei smiled a small smile and raised her eyebrows subtly. "I might inexplicably enjoy it, I believe. Just a bit" she replied.
Asuka froze, her eyes closed. "We'll get back to it. Soon. Soon-ish. Okay?"
Rei's eyes lit up in her equivalent of being radiant. "Yes, my dear wife. I will hold you to your word."
'What am I getting myself into? Oh, wait. I'm already in and enjoying every minute of it' Asuka thought.
'And Rei… well, she's happier than ever, I think. Worth it, even if the insanity of this is immense.'
She felt a warm hand touching her calf and slowly moving up. As Rei was in front of her, it must have been Kaworu. His touch was soft, careful, almost worshipping.
'Insanity or not, I certainly can get used to being adored like this…'
***
Late August 2021
"What do you mean 'not pregnant'?!" Misato exclaimed. Doctor Ritsuko Ibuki winced at the volume of the outburst.
"Exactly what I just said, Misato" Ritsuko replied in a calm voice, glaring at her interlocutor from above her glasses. "You have
slightly elevated hormone levels, yes, but I think I know the reason. But I'm telling you there's no embryo anywhere. And before you ask" she raised her hand seeing that Misato was opening her mouth "I checked both for ectopic and chemical. Please do not question my competences, I'm in love, not on drugs. I suppose I should apologise" she let out a sigh "you're not the first one with this symptom."
"What?" Misato narrowed her eyes.
"I had the same issue" the doctor admitted. "It's a side effect of the Blue Fuel. Sorry about that" she added.
"Butbutbutbut" Misato's face turned into a picture of disappointment "I already had the talk with Kaji! I managed to contain my panic attacks!
He started to plan the nursery!"
Ritsuko waited a moment for the Commander to stop yelling, her expression pained. Once Misato finished and remained content to just hyperventilate, she resumed: "Don't worry, this does not make you infertile or anything, doesn't stop you from conceiving" she elaborated. "It only makes the usual tests less reliable. I'll spare you the details, it has to do with the way the standard test detects gonadotropin; one of the Fuel's metabolic by-products reacts with the same receptor in a way indistinguishable to the naked eye. An unfortunate oversight in development that makes standard tests useless."
Misato's breath was still fast, but her glare turned from 'panicking right now' to 'having murderous intent'. Undeterred, Ritsuko kept going: "I have one in the workings that 'may' work better, but it's still a prototype, with more than 30% false positives. I think I can improve it, but it's not top priority now" she paused. "And well, good that you talked with him, and believe me, you will need this nursery. But you're off the hook until your next ovulation."
"Doesn't this 'side effect' stop me from catching?" the Commander finally regained her composure sufficiently to resume communication.
"I just told you, it doesn't. It's a false reading of the test, not your body" Ritsuko shrugged. "If you want to be sure, come to me for blood tests and coffee."
"All right, I might" Misato agreed and rose from the chair. "So, if you're done here, I'll be off to fix that 'not pregnant' part, ASAP."
Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "Won't lead to anything for at least a week, you know?"
"And why should it stop me from trying?" Misato looked at her like she was questioning her intelligence. "And if you're going to lecture me about mores or appearances, we are at least discreet and not causing section-wide incidents."
Ritsuko narrowed her eyes. "You promised you'd not bring it up. Careful, I might be tempted to use wider needles than strictly necessary or forget to add anti-nausea medication to your future PregMana cocktails."
Misato glared at her.
'Two can play the game, Rits.'
"Doctor. You are aware that your laboratory air conditioning is drawing an awful lot of power this summer. Shame if I was forced to reduce its power to save energy for the vital systems."
"You wouldn't dare" Ritsuko growled, narrowing her eyes further.
"Nor would you" Misato replied in kind.
They kept staring into each other's eyes for a few tense seconds before they both burst into nervous laughter.
"That'll be all Commander. I will keep you informed of my progress on the tests and please make an appointment for blood tests."
"Thank you, Doctor. Good luck with your research."
The door closed behind Misato. Ritsuko let out a sigh and slumped against her chair, rubbing her face.
'And who thought putting an already overworked woman in such a demanding position was a good idea? Oh, right. Anyone else qualified was put on trial at that time and convicted not much later' she recalled.
'Let's hope Kaji is doing his work and keeping her relaxed. Otherwise, I'll have to speed up the organ cloning project soon. With a strong emphasis on livers.'
The intercom panel lit up, breaking her train of thoughts. A grumble of annoyance was cut short by her noticing this was the internal blue channel. And that meant the only person she could never be annoyed with.
"Yes, Maya?" she pressed the button.
"I'm in the Test Chamber Five and I just set up the experiment. The results won't be in for the next hour, so I was wondering whether you might want to grab something to eat" the voice was distorted by the deteriorating quality of the cabling, but Ritsuko could have sworn there was a seductive tone to that request.
"Gladly, when I think of it. Meet you at a cafeteria in ten?" she responded.
"I was thinking you'd like to eat something here" Maya kept going. "I have everything prepared for you" the mischievous tone became clearer.
"Oh" Ritsuko's realisation elicited a small giggle on the other side. "I'll be there in a minute."
"I'm waiting~" the connection ended on a definitely playful tone.
Doctor Ritsuko Ibuki was never a sport-inclined person; but this day, she certainly broke the record time on the distance between Med Lab Two and control room of Test Chamber Five.
***
Rei was busy all afternoon, Shinji assisting her in the decorating and preparation of food. It was a little bit difficult as the construction – or actually, deconstruction – work on their soon-to-be-one-big apartment already began, but they were determined to get the place to appear at least decent. Asuka and Kaworu were out for with the last supply run and expected to return soon.
"Rei, I am the last to question your judgement" Shinji started as they were hanging the final, rolled up banner with 'CONGRATULATIONS MISATO' painted in all colours of the rainbow "but are you sure she's going to want to celebrate today?"
"Trust me, dear husband. She had called me this morning. As far as I could read her voice, she was happy and on the way to our dear doctor with an intent to confirm her suspicions. She will be-" Rei stated before the ringing phone interrupted her. Shinji silently wondered why Rei had to set up a call from Misato with the old sound of an Angel alarm – but this was likely one of those things he could never fathom. "I believe this is her reporting being done with the examination" Rei picked up the phone "Hello Misato, we're almost ready-"
An indistinct, but certainly not pleased voice sounded from the phone. This, along with Rei's expression turning from 'soft, mischievous smile' to 'clearly concerned' caused Shinji's stomach to knot.
"I see. I understand. Please, come here nonetheless, as soon as possible. We are here for you" Rei replied to the phone. "Yes, I am certain. Do you need a ride? I see I understand. We're waiting. See you soon."
She closed the phone and turned to Shinji with a serious expression. "Change of plans, dear husband" she started, her tone focused. "I will call our hunting party now, and then we are going to remove the banner and as many decorations as we manage. You shall start on the latter now."
"Rei. What. Happened?" Shinji asked, his tone serious.
"Oh. You're correct, an explanation is in order" she admitted. "The indications were incorrect. The commander is… not pregnant. Apparently, there has been an error in measurement" a shadow of annoyance crossed Rei's face. "And Kaji has been called to work on urgent business, thus he is unable to assist her at the moment" she explained. Shinji nodded, still concerned but relieved of the immediate worries. "Thus" Rei continued, "we're not having a congratulations party. We're having an alcohol-fuelled consolation party. And for that, I have a Plan."
He nodded again. He knew better than to question Rei when she pronounced the capital 'P'. "I see. Let's move then, how much time do we have?"
"About ten minutes for the preparation phase" she replied while already speed dialling Asuka. "Hello? Yes. Change of plans. Execute order C-2. The major variant, flavour M" she paused, listening in. "Positive. I'll explain later" she paused again. "Roger that. Thank you. Bye" she closed the phone.
"Husband-dear, I believe I have asked you to start with the decorations, not the banner. It is in a precarious position and it is not safe to try to remove it alone" she chided Shinji who was balancing on a chair.
"I've got it-"
Rei reflexively extended her AT field, catching Shinji just as he lost his footing. Gently placing him on the floor, she let out a sigh. "About 68% of all accidents in Japan last year happened at home, often as a result of insufficient safety measures. Our loves would never forgive me if I ever let something happen to you on my watch."
A slightly confused Shinji looked up at her. "T-thank you. But-"
"No buts, unless it is one of ours in proper hands. We will handle this together. And we will handle it carefully."
He opened his mouth to protest, but one look into those lovely red eyes told him this would be an extraordinarily bad idea. He just nodded and rose from the floor. "Yes, Rei. As you command" was his only reply – and it was immediately greeted with the return of her soft smile.
***
A ring to the door caused Shinji to sprint to the door. Rei moved just behind him.
A clearly miserable Misato Katsuragi was standing in the corridor. "Hi. Thanks for having me" she said in a dejected voice.
"Come in, Misato" Shinji bowed slightly and moved aside; Misato entered and stopped in her tracks, seeing Rei with a tray with four frost-covered small glasses, both containing a clear liquid – and a larger one with something looking like orange juice.
"Good evening, Misato" Rei smiled to her. "Please apply the first-aid in the necessary amount. The proper help is on the way."
Misato blinked, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Guys, what would I do without-"
Rei took a step closer. "Please, do not delay. We are here to help."
Misato reached for the small glasses and emptied two of them in a row before reaching for the larger glass. Shinji looked with certain astonishment: his time with the Commander – then just a high-ranking NERV officer – were indicative about her tolerance for alcohol, but clearly not enough for him to become accustomed to how much she could take at once. His eyes grew even wider when she repeated the process with two other small glasses and only then finished the juice glass.
Releasing her breath, Misato smiled. "Thank you, guys. Exactly what I needed. Now, I'll be on my-"
Shinji immediately touched the door control fingerprint scanner and pressed the LOCK button. The key indicator turned red.
"Unless there are very good medical or family reasons for you to leave, I must object. We invited you, and we are ready for you. And, if you forgive the bluntness, you are staying. Please, enter our home."
"Shin-chan, you know this could be considered unlawful confinement?" Misato raised an eyebrow. Her cheeks have already acquired the soft flush from the alcohol.
"You are free to file a complaint to the NERV Command – I believe this is the proper authority. But I am ready to face mutiny charges if this means you will be properly taken care of" he replied in a deadpan voice. Rei nodded in confirmation of his words. "Of course, I would ask for leniency, due to past merits. But if it is impossible" he continued with the same tone "I am ready to face the charges."
Misato stared at him for a moment, then burst into a long fit of laughter.
"God, have you grown" she finally managed. "All right, all right" she agreed, taking her shoes off. "Just…"
"Just let us take care of you, all right?" Shinji smiled, took the tray off Rei's hands and pointed at Misato with a shortest eye gesture. Rei just smiled and took over as he quickly moved towards the kitchen.
***
A while later
"…and were about to open then north Safe Storage, the one that got trampled when Zeruel went… well, partying around the Geofront" Misato continued, as she had for the last twenty minutes. "Check, inventory what survived, resupply, replace, reseal, and-"
The sound of door lock being overridden interrupted her tirade. A cheerful "Cavalry's here!" came from the door, along with clanking of glass. Soon after, the table – hitherto containing a single hard drink for Misato's use and a few hot snacks Shinji managed to quickly prepare – was populated with bottles full of alcohol; at least those that did not require cooling before consumption.
"As I was saying-" Misato tried to resume but stopped when four pair of eyes looked at her with all the seriousness and attention they could muster. "Guys?"
Shinji just approached her and embraced her in slow, deliberate motion. Asuka followed from the other side, Rei slid in between Misato and the table, Kaworu completing the hug from behind. Suddenly, the Commander was in a four-way hug from all directions.
No words were spoken. But it was clear to everyone that none were needed.
================================================================
In the next episode: the aftermath of an alcohol-fueled consolation will be suffered! Things will happen! Cucumbers will be eaten! And. There. Will. Be. Fanservice!
Ahem. I meant "stay tuned for the next part". It
may be fun to read.
