"Misato-san?" Shinji interjected quietly.
The Operations Major looked at the Third Child.
"I hate this job. I hate every time I have to get into the unholy thing that ate my mother, go out into battles that scare me senseless, and risk dying for a world I never much gave a damn about. I hate every second of it. But I do it. Do you know why?"
"You save lives every time you do, Shinji. You do something only you five can do and protect everyone alive."
Shinji shook his head. "Misato, do you remember when I ran away for a few days, shortly after I got here? And you had to have Section Two's goons drag me back from Kensuke's campout?"
Misato nodded. After Shinji's risky disobedience of orders during the fight with the Fourth Angel, he'd run away from the stress. Section Two having to drag him back had earned him a chewing out from her. In response, Shinji had asked to resign as an Eva Pilot and leave. Only talking to his friends at the train station had made him change his mind and stay. Misato had understood he'd been unwilling to leave behind the closest thing to a home and family he'd had in ten years.
"When I was up in the hills, I sat on the edge of a cliff and thought about jumping."
Misato blanched in shock. Kaji stiffened beside her. Asuka flinched, and squeezed his shoulder tighter. It wasn't news to her. They'd shared such dark memories in whispered confidences in bed at night over the last year. But she still hated hearing how empty Shinji had been before they'd met.
"The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want to inconvenience you with my death. At the train station, I stayed for you. For offering me a home. For my friends. I hated myself. I didn't think I deserved to live in this world. But you told me to. Other people needed me to. So I did it because I had to. It was an obligation." He looked up at Asuka and smiled wearily. He squeezed her hand and returned his gaze to Misato. "Then I met Asuka. We may not have gotten along at first, but no one could deny how powerful we were together in a fight."
Asuka snorted lightly. "Yeah, once we harnessed the awesome power of interpretive dance," she snarked. "And I got you to notice I kinda thought you were cute."
Shinji just smiled a little more. "So now I fight because Asuka needs me. Loves me. I choose to fight beside her because I love her back. I still hate having to be an Eva Pilot. But as long as she needs me, I will never stop fighting to be the best Pilot I can. I don't do it anymore because I have to. I do it because this is what the one I love needs me to do. I will fight every battle she does, and take any risk. We all would."
He nodded pointedly at Kaworu and Rei. "Can you offer them any less? SEELE knows Kaworu is rebelling against them. They're trying to shoot him to set him off. Because he won't do it voluntarily anymore. Because he loves us. I'll take any risk for Asuka. He'd take any risk for Rei. I bet you and Kaji-san would do the same for each other. Kaworu's as human as we are. He was ready to let you shoot him last night. If it comes to it, all of us have promised we'll stop him. But as long as there's a chance, I will take any risk for someone who loves me."
