Honestly, this all tracks with them all being toons. It'd be funnier for them to fail to get help, get lost, acquire an pesky bird to hinder them, and go in just as warnings changes to show it's dangerous. I'm gonna hope that it'd be funnier for them to survive all this.
 
Not to self: Never send the B-Team on a quest full of mysterious and uncertain events where we have no idea what challenges they'll face.

...come to think of it, why did we do that?
 
Honestly, this all tracks with them all being toons. It'd be funnier for them to fail to get help, get lost, acquire an pesky bird to hinder them, and go in just as warnings changes to show it's dangerous. I'm gonna hope that it'd be funnier for them to survive all this.
They've got rubberhose physics. Short of paint thinner, they're not gonna die.
 
Man you guys really need to let loose and stop getting all negative at the first sign of failure. Just let go and have fun -_-
 
Note: Its a Cthulhubird. Its way, way on the far end of toonyness where you start doing gross levels of reality warping. To the point things go meta. Its a bird that can literally step offscreen to screw with the audience.

Cause and effect are completely irrelevant in the face of toon narrative, well beyond what is true with those like Wily or Goofy. Its quite possible it is here in the forum with us as we speak.
 
Last edited:
For reference:



You know, I'd repressed this memory. I'd forgotten, all about, this bird, and his antics. I was at peace.

You've forced me to pay a heavy toll, today, MiH. There will be a reckoning.
 
So basically everything has gone to shit so far, the only rolls we've succeeded on have been Goofy recognising the bird, which was seemingly completely useless despite being a crit success, and Wile E. not making a malus we've gotten even worse

Fantastic
Doomed to fail, or doomed to be funny? Even if they screw up you're guaranteed to get laughs out of this. Then you can try again with other heroes.
That's debatable, whether the next few updates being dedicated to our Toons fucking up in comedic ways and getting nothing accomplished except wasting time is funny or infuriating is entirely a matter of individual perspective
 
The plane ride down was pleasant, at least. Fortunately none of you were on the no fly list, though you were forced to give up the ACME mace you keep behind your back in case of emergencies.
Wait, is that mace as in "spray-can of eyewatering yuck," or mace as in "sturdy whumping stick?"

Knowing the ACME Corporation, the answer may be... "yes." :p

Diplomacy Check: Get people to tell you where Donald went!
DC 90 needed: 22+15+28+7=72
Failure!

Unfortunately, the people of Itza Pitz are insular, distrustful, and for some reason, seem to dislike the appearance of several Toons in their abode. It takes you several hours to get anyone to admit that Donald might have been here at all, and several days of wasted time to even get someone to point you in the direction of the ruined ah, ...ruins, which the picture you snapped of Donald took place in. In quiet tones over a cup of some unidentifiable liquid, a local finally speaks to Goofy of a place the entire village pretends does not exist, a place of superstition and fear, a place whose very name is dreaded and not one man, woman or child can be convinced to lead you to, a place called…
:( Not even Goofy could turn that one into a pass, alas.

Stewardship Check: Navigate through the jungle (without a guide!)
DC 100 needed: 37+22+16+7=82
Failure!

You spend several days trekking through the wilderness, making a very rough time of it. Goofy and Max have gone camping before, and you yourself have spent uncounted years in nondescript deserts, but the dangers and challenges of the Peruvian jungle take their toll. Dennis tries to keep morale up by offering everyone sandwiches, but corned beef on rye can only go so far, especially when the poor chap also drops your entire supply of drinking water down a bat-infested crevasse.
Sounds about right.

This also bodes ill for any attempt to send Dennis along to motivate Jumba+625 on future quests.

Learning Check: What is this bird?
DC 60 needed: 88+21+13+7=129
Critical Success!

"It looks like an Araquan bird." Goofy suggests, thumbing through a Junior Woodchuck's guidebook.

"Oh of course!" You reply. "Avis horribilis exasperatis, known for its distinctive-"

The bird screams in your face. It leaps upon your head for a moment before beginning an obnoxious, pattering song.

ARAQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQAU, ARAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUA ARAQUA-ABADDYYA, EEE-HA! EEEE-HA! EEE-HA!


ARAQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQAU, ARAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUA ARAQUA-ABADDYYA, EEE-HA! EEEE-HA! EEE-HA!


ARAQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQUANQAU, ARAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUAQUA ARAQUA-ABADDYYA, EEE-HA! EEEE-HA! EEE-HA!​
Poor Wile E. Coyote. If it's not one Nemesis Bird, it's another.

It screams in your face again, and you can't help but think. This is a bird with distinctive plumage, issues with vocalizations, repetitive, nonverbal 'catchphrase', and it deeply gets on your nerves. This…

Diplomacy Check: Keep Your Temper and Avoid Your Old Habits!
DC 100 needed: 62+15+28+7+30 (recognized the bird)-20 (old habits)=122
Success!

"Oh no." You say, scrambling backwards, horrified at how close you came to falling back into your old ways.

"Uh… you all right there Coyote?" Max asks warily.

"What's wrong?" Goofy asks as well. "I know it might be a bit overexcited, but I don't see why-"

"Keep that detestable creature away from me!" You shout. "I want no part of it you hear, no part! I spent a sexagenarian's age in this vile rut, never again!"
Poor Wile E.

The Araquan bird is now following you! You avoided the worst of it by not regressing to your old ways, but his constant annoying patter and mischief will give you a -5 on all rolls for the rest of the quest!
This quest is not going well. :(

I wonder if Russ would have made this go more smoothly?

Across the entire entrance, carved into the stone on every possible surface, are glyphs in what look like multiple languages.

Learning Check: What does the writing say?
DC 120 needed: 62+21+13+7-5=98
Failure!

You step forward, pulling out a pair of pince-nez glasses before scrutinizing the glyphs.

"Hmm yes, I do believe this is ancient Sumerian. Thankfully I happen to be a student of dead language. It appears to say, ahem-hem, 'Fabulous treasure lies within.'"

"Treasure?!? What are we waiting for then!" Dennis cries before rushing forward, followed by the rest of the party in various stages of excitement. You pointedly avoid noting that the entirety of what you just said was complete and utter fabrication.

Well. You did recognize the word 'treasure' repeated a few times. As to what came before or after it, you have absolutely no idea.
Uh-oh.

Well, this is shaping up to be a spectacularly ill-starred expedition.
 
Last edited:
On the bright side if there's anyone likely to take a catastrophic start and turn it into a good ending it's a team comprised entirely of Toons

Though back on the pessimistic side as much as the laws of narrative are said to effect Toons and the world around them I'm not sure how much that's actually true so it's entirely possible things will just continue to get worse
Well least this will be a good lesson for us to not get cocky, especially with quests.
Except we weren't cocky, this is a good team that should be able to do this, with the exception of Dennis, we're just being fucked over by shitty rolls
 
So basically everything has gone to shit so far, the only rolls we've succeeded on have been Goofy recognising the bird, which was seemingly completely useless despite being a crit success, and Wile E. not making a malus we've gotten even worse
The recogniton helped with Wile E. keeping his cool. You can now predict the bird better now that you know him.

That's debatable, whether the next few updates being dedicated to our Toons fucking up in comedic ways and getting nothing accomplished except wasting time is funny or infuriating is entirely a matter of individual perspective
The dice will fall where they will, dude. MiH is doing a good job making the failures entertaining. The quest only just began, so try to keep your chin up. There's no such thing as a total loss, and anything we learn here can be applied later.
 
Well this is about what to expect when you put 4 toons on one quest.
Well, four toons who roll poorly.

When toons do well, they do amazingly. When toons do poorly, they do terribly. There is no middle ground.

Note to self don't let an all Toon team go by itself unless they one or two humans accompanying them.
Honestly they just rolled poorly.

I'm sure that if they'd been rolling successes over and over like the Blue Hawaii all-human expedition, they'd be traversing the jungle swimmingly, have the benefit of a guide, and in general be having a pretty nice vacation.

Conversely, if the Blue Hawaii team had been rolling this poorly, they'd probably have ended up surrounded by pissed off aliens with plasma cannons.

.... Damn it why didn't we assign a human to the group?
Because if we had, then the human would have died of thirst in the jungle when Dennis accidentally poured all their drinking water down a bat-infested cave.

Toons have a preternatural ability to survive bad and/or stupid experiences, which is fortunate, given that they have hilariously many of them.

So basically everything has gone to shit so far, the only rolls we've succeeded on have been Goofy recognising the bird, which was seemingly completely useless despite being a crit success, and Wile E. not making a malus we've gotten even worse
Goofy's crit meant we passed the "Wile E. doesn't make the malus worse" check.

I for one am enjoying this.

Err, I think you quoted the wrong person.
Oops sorry.

Yeah, getting a malus for a success is a bad sign.
Eh, it's mechanically equivalent to "whatever you do during this quest you WILL be harassed by the bird, and all DCs are correspondingly 5 points higher"

Can you not say people are being cocky as if this is anything except bad rolls? Whenever a roll goes bad in a quest people make it seem like a bad decision was made less than the fact of the matter just being its a roll of the dice.
Well we should be "not cocky" in that we shouldn't just casually assume all quests will succeed. Many quests have very high DC dice rolls, such that even with two high-powered hero units present, the result is not a certainty.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top