74 Hard Talk
The Vehicles constellation passed as I took some time to enjoy the new Library. Just taking a moment to really enjoy the space was something I hadn't realized I needed. Once again, it had been too easy to fall into a barrage of constant training, made worse by the combination of cognitive acceleration and precisely controlled environments. Even my trip around the city had been mostly teleportation practice. Taking a moment to sit in the sunlit library reading room and thumb through some irrelevant literature made the frantic pace feel like it finally paused.
The Library was sunlit thanks to open windows looking out over a rather picturesque section of the Rocky Mountains. The grandeur of the view was a bit at odds with the scale of the place. It still had the feel of a small town or large school library, not the kind of monsters that you saw at universities or in major cities. At least not yet.
The power that granted the library could arrive again, and each time it would expand the collection by a tremendous degree. I wasn't sure if or when that would happen, but I might not have too many opportunities to enjoy the space when it still had the cozy feel I was currently enjoying.
Though, the Library was fully capable of expanding in other ways. It would fit any number of books added to it, and Survey was already working to round out the collection. The Matrix was assisting in fabricating copies of books that we definitely didn't have the rights to publish, each of which was added to the shelves, instantly benefitting from an added appendix and instant digitization. I wasn't sure how far she was planning to go with the 'Earth Bet Section', but I was serious about her having her own space. If she wanted to overhaul the filing system and fill it with illegal copies of every book she could scan and reproduce, I wasn't going to stop her.
And to be fair, the copies that the Matrix was producing were miles better than anything currently on the market. The split between their work and the rest of the library was clear, as the shelves shifted from conventionally bound book to the kind of leather-bound tomes that you only saw in law firms and period pieces. The actual components of the books were assembled through a combination of molecular engineering and high precision alchemical transmutations, but that didn't change the fact that they were being produced by a being with divine authority of crafting.
Okay, the divine powers they inherited from me were mostly focused on smithing, but the Matrix could benefit from my Exotic Compatibility power and treat any material as iron for crafting purposes. As such they were producing masterfully forged books, in multiple senses of the word, imbued with a true spark of divine craftsmanship. None of that particularly mattered to Survey, but it was nice seeing the Matrix take pride in their work.
I looked across the reading area to where Aisha was burning through the new copy of the first Harry Potter book. That one at least had the same title as the ones from Earth Bet and Aleph, with the rest of the series diverging rather quickly. Early books were sort of rephrasings of the real titles, but the later ones looked like completely different stories. No idea what a 'Deathly Hallow' was supposed to be, or why the Library's series finished with that book.
"Is that any good?" I asked Aisha.
She nodded as she glanced up. "It's weird. Like, you can tell it's written by the same person, but the differences kind of sneak up on you." She turned a page. "No mentions of capes, like, at all. I know they don't have them, but…" She gestured at the shelves around us. "There's like three decades of stuff that's just gone in a totally different direction. It's weird."
"The weird thing was probably all the desperate attempts to explain powers back when they first showed up." I said. "I remember, the magic theory used to have a lot more support. Anything produced around then tended to go in a lot of weird directions."
"Right. Didn't Star Trek have this whole thing to explain why there weren't capes in the original series?" Aisha asked.
I nodded. "They tied it into the Eugenics Wars storyline. One of the better arcs from Next Generation, even if the theories don't really hold up nowadays."
"Yeah, I'll take your word for it." Aisha said, dropping her eyes back to the book. "I'm barely avoiding the nerd shit as it is. No way I'm getting sucked into a Star Trek marathon."
"Don't worry. No plans to expand movie night beyond its scheduled time." I paused as I noted the hour. "Actually, are you okay to stay this late? Your dad's not worried?"
Aisha snorted. "God no. Been keeping in touch with him. Just texts, but it's more than we used to. Cleared for the evening. Said I'm helping Garment with prep for the charity thing and her lawyer ordered take out." She pulled up the holographic screen of her omni-watch. "He's busy with gym stuff anyway, but he offered to pick me up later tonight." She smiled at that before looking up. "Don't worry, I'm clear for evening training and movie night. No problem."
I nodded, then paused. "That reminds me. I was talking to someone at the gym. They mentioned that your dad was dealing with some family stuff that came up the other night." Aisha looked as surprised as I did. "Is there any problem? Or something going on with your brother?"
"No." The question flustered Aisha more than I expected. "I mean, I don't think so. Um, I haven't heard anything, but I haven't been at the gym that much. No word from my dad, so I can't say. I don't think it's anything to worry about." She said quickly. I could feel how concerned the line of thinking was making her.
"All right." Backing off seemed to instantly cut down the level of tension she was experiencing. "Let me know if there's anything we can do to help, and if you need to deal with something…"
"I've got it, thanks." She replied. "Probably nothing, but I'll check if It's anything I need to worry about."
"Right." I replied before shifting my awareness to check in with the rest of the Workshop.
My duplicates were still scrambling to apply the principles of Mega Bomb and my new elemental affinity to various projects. Specifically, the spiritron computer was being reworked, as a lot of the workarounds and compromises we'd implemented to get it to function weren't necessary anymore. Both of them were channeling their familiars for improved mana sense and magical capacity, which created an interesting contrast with our divine cybernetics.
The cybernetics were the result of one of my powers, meaning it was an enforced alteration to my body. That didn't extend to the ears and tail that manifested when I called on my familiar, meaning you had a pair of sculpted, half metal juggernauts with fluffy ears and tails. However, when combined with another power that altered my body, such as Beast Change, the alterations compounded. My inostrancevia form was now an eight-foot-tall robotic beast monster. Possibly with fluffy ears, depending on whether my familiar was also being channeled at the time.
Survey and Fleet were physically present in the Library, but their awareness extended far beyond the confines of their physical bodies. Survey was digging through the new wealth of information to find anything that could be relevant to the interpretation of my powers. Even beyond that, she had been presented with a near complete picture of world history and culture in the absence of any parahuman influence. The insight provided by that comparative point was invaluable, allowing the analysis and modeling to go all out.
Fleet was definitely more subdued, but there was no denying his interest in the alternate design decisions made for various vehicles. It wasn't a technical library, so he was forced to pick through hints from reference books and magazines, but that was well within his capabilities. Diversions in specific models of car could be tracked from the early eighties until the point where the lines were either discontinued or diverged so severely that they were barely recognizable. And that wasn't even getting into the wealth of information available from a world where the Japanese auto-industry hadn't been decimated.
Tetra had set herself up in a corner of the reading room with six different books that she was blazing through at the rate of a speed reader, contrasting with Tybalt who seemed to be treating the book next to him as an excuse to nap in the sunlight. Garment had settled from her earlier fervor into merely meticulously working her way through the library's entire backlog of fashion magazines. Beyond the confines of the Library the Ion Titan was working with Fleet's program to run through various potential combat situations the team could face. Meanwhile, the Laboratorium's servo-skulls and cogitators continued to work through the set of instructions from my last visit.
Everything was squared away, or as close to it as I'd ever get. The Capstone constellation missed a connection as I checked in with Survey. Her monitoring of my sister that I was trying not to categorize as 'stalking' had confirmed that she had returned home from the office. Well, at least her phone had made it back to her apartment. Thankfully, Survey wasn't quite at the point of subverting Chicago surveillance cameras for the purpose of monitoring my family members. At least not yet.
"I've got to go make some calls. I'll be back later." I said, climbing out of the very comfortable reading chair. Under Survey's direction a drone quickly took the book I had been flicking through and returned it to its proper place on the shelves without so much as a glance from Survey's physical body.
"Right. Uh, good luck?" Aisha said, giving me an unsteady glance. Thankfully she didn't comment on it further, allowing me to escape the Library without any elaboration on the coming conversation with my sister.
I did not want to do this. Really, I couldn't put into words how little I wanted to make this call. If there was any way I could kick this down the road, preferably indefinitely, I would take it in a heartbeat, but that just wasn't in the cards.
I mean, there was the fact that I promised I would call, but that wasn't actually the driving factor. Family commitments were something I had struggled with my entire life, usually because they had typically been commitments made either on my behalf or with such an excessive amount of social pressure that there was no way out of them. If you were effectively talked into committing to something you didn't want to do it generally brought out the absolute minimum effort. Of course, that just fed into the image of unreliability, and was used as an excuse for people to press even harder. Oh, and there was always the fun 'pushed to commit to something, didn't follow through, so need to make up for that with more commitments'. Basically, a never-ending cycle where you're constantly trying to make up for your deficits when you want nothing more than to just cut things off all together.
That was the reason I had to make this call. My Revival power, the little steps towards Mental Fortress, had the incredibly helpful feature of letting me know where those steps lay. Of recognizing doormat behavior, even in places I wouldn't naturally look. So many of my interactions with my family, things that I would normally see as an ordinary part of life, were flagged as steps back. Points of capitulation, where I was bowing down to avoid conflict and consequence. Taking on burdens to keep a level of peace in interactions that were draining at the best of times.
It was something I was good at. Something I had learned how to do from a very early age, and something reinforced by years and years of harsh lessons. In other circumstances I might have carried on. Limited contact, put things off, given some token assurances and made sure to avoid the consequences of a confrontation. But things were different now. It wasn't just the fact that every one of those steps would take me further from attaining the master immunity I dearly needed to operate openly. It was the fact that they represented steps in the opposite direction, steps that brought me closer to Reaper.
The counter power to Mental Fortress. Access to a private version of the world, my own personal realm. The ability to read the minds of anyone I choose. Effective increases in the power of my Psyches and even mastery of their creation. It was all fairly appealing, if not for the requirement that fueled it. Even if it didn't require human lives to sustain itself, there was the fact of what it represented. The ultimate form of running away from your problems. Disappearing off the face of the earth to where no one could touch you. Where you would never have to face or deal with anything that you didn't want to, ever again.
I understood the appeal. I also understood what it meant, the long-term implications of that kind of thinking. It was safe, comfortable, and reassuring, but it was also stagnant. There was no chance for growth or development. No connection to be made or discoveries to cherish. It was an easy way of dealing with your problems, giving you what you wanted in the moment, but not what you needed as a person.
This wasn't just a call to my sister. It wasn't the fulfillment of some obligation where I would make excuses for past failures and try to minimize the amount of obligations that would be forced upon me. This was a stand. A chance to break from a pattern of behavior that could not sustain itself. The mentality I'd been struggling with had been crippling when I only had to worry about my own life. With the stakes that were placed on me now, there was no question. The world turned on the actions of Apeiron. I couldn't afford to let those actions become clouded by outdated mindsets.
I settled into my office, the same place where I'd taken the first call from Alena. A call she had definitely been put up to and probably didn't expect to go anywhere. I felt bad about her being roped into this mess, but she wasn't exactly blameless in the dynamic. Sure, I could understand where she was coming from, but something that explained your actions didn't automatically excuse them.
The last time I called Alena it took everything I had to build myself up to it, drawing on all the support of my team and powers. Now, well, I couldn't say that this was easy, but it at least felt like I could manage it on my own. I didn't need to be forced into this or do a mountain of mental gymnastics to convince myself to start. I still had the effects of my power, the comforting pulse of the divine hearth that burned in my Workshop, the expanded perspective that came from the memories and experiences of my power, and the confidence that could be drawn from my accomplishments. Those helped, but I wasn't leaning on them. It was an accessory rather than a crutch.
I could probably justify letting things draw out a bit further. Give Alena more time to settle after getting home from work, but really there would be little benefit to that. I wasn't likely to catch her in anything approaching a good mood, regardless of how much time I gave her. Somewhat depressingly, I had a very good idea of how this conversation was going to play out. I knew the common beats it would take and the reactions that would be drawn by stepping outside those lines. Normally I would be working to completely avoid those points, or to dance as close to them as I dared. Today I was barreling through them, with all the consequences that could entail.
And I could accept that. Or at least I was telling myself I could. It would probably be more accurate to say I needed to accept that. Framing it as an inevitability actually made it easier to deal with. This wasn't something I was electively bringing on myself, it was something that was going to happen. I had more than enough experience in dealing with bad stuff that I could do nothing about. Framing the coming conversations in that light actually helped.
I could end up mulling over the issue for ages. That needed to stop. I called up my phone's holographic screen and took the plunge. I was far past the need for a physical interface, but the tactile interaction helped cement the decision that I was making. I did what I could to shift my focus away from awareness of the interplay of technology, signal processing and connections extending from my workshop through the networks of the outside world. Blotting them out to the best of my ability I focused on nothing but the call.
The phone rang four times before Alena picked it up. There was no excitement or enthusiasm for the call, just the trailing end of a frustrated sigh before she spoke.
"Jozef." Her voice was tired. Probably as tired as I had ever heard it. If it was Natalia it would probably have been a front to garner sympathy, but Alena didn't work like that. Showings of any type of weakness was a rare thing for her.
"Hello Alena." I replied in a level voice.
"Are you done?" She asked, not elaborating in the slightest. "This has gone on long enough. Have you made your point, or are you still going to make everyone worry even more?"
The dismissive attitude, the tired delivery, the complete disregard for everything that had happened. It was stirring emotions in me. I was adamant in my decision to see this through, but that didn't mean all the baggage I'd been struggling with for my entire life suddenly disappeared.
"I'm not trying to make a point." I said. Normally feeding into her rhetoric would be a bad move, but I was less concerned about the subtle dynamics of the conversation that I'd previously been. "I made a decision."
"Based on what?" Alena's tone became harsher, but the exhaustion was still there in her voice. "One bad night and you decide to run off, make everyone worry after you, and play around in a disaster area?"
It was telling that the focus was on the single event. One bad night. There was a concession buried in that phrasing. An admission that there was actually something wrong about what happened. That was more than I could have hoped for before this, but it was still inherently limited. One bad night. Nothing before contributing to it, and even that admission would probably be brushed aside at the earliest point possible.
I took a breath, considering how to go forward. Unfortunately, Alena wasn't ready to yield the floor just yet.
"I know you don't follow the news, but you have to have heard about the Teeth." She asked. "Tell me you're not seriously considering staying in the city when they've come back."
I blinked. The concern in her voice took me aback. Alena was only two years older than me, but that meant a lot when you were kids. She remembered more about the incident that led to the Teeth being driven out of Brockton Bay than I did. Probably a lot more.
"Alena, I've seen the news. I know you're worried, but things aren't going to start blowing up again." I said.
"How do you know?" She asked sharply. "Nobody knows what's going to happen, and you have no reason to stay."
"I do. I-" I started, but was cut off.
"Whatever you're playing at, there are other people who can help, more qualified people." She said, "This is the wrong time to go around messing around just to get back at Mom."
"You seriously think that's why I'm doing this?" I asked, unable to keep the shock out of my voice.
"I don't know why you're doing this." She replied, her voice pitching up to a near yell. "I told Mom about the medication, and she's fine with it. I've had to explain everything to her because you won't talk to her. Not even for Easter dinner." The emotion in her voice was mounting. "You could have fixed this with a single bus trip, but instead you dragged everyone else into it."
Actually, I couldn't. Bus service to the suburbs was suspended, with even routes inside the city heavily scaled back thanks to the damaged roads and the I-Field. But pointing that out wasn't likely to be helpful. Really, this wasn't getting me anywhere. I was justifying myself for actions that I had no need to justify. I was making cases against her points when they really didn't matter. And it was the last thing she said that really stuck with me.
"You're right." I said as the Vehicles constellation passed by without a connection.
"What?" Alena asked, her voice quickly dropping to a normal level. Whatever response she had been prepping for, this wasn't it.
"You're right. I could have spoken with Mom." I said. "I could have called her, or gone back to the house. I didn't, and that's why she dragged everyone into this."
"If you're admitting that you-" This time I was the one who cut her off.
"I'm admitting that I didn't want to talk to Mom. Not after that night, and everything before it." Especially not after what could have happened. "I didn't have anything to do with the rest of it."
I could hear her take a deep breath. "You can't seriously believe that, what, nobody would care if you ran off? That nobody would worry? You had to know what this would do to Mom. What she would-"
"I'm not responsible for her actions." I said. Getting the words out was an almost physical struggle, immediately followed by a wave of guilt, shame, and embarrassment.
There was what I could only assume was a stunned silence on the line. I dug deep and pushed forward, if only to avoid falling back into that storm of emotions. "I'm sorry that you had to deal with that, with everything, but I am not moving back home." I said, cutting to the heart of the matter.
"Jozef, you're twenty-one with no degree or real work experience. You have a family who wants to help you. Do you even know how lucky you are to have that?" Alena's words were right out of my mother's playbook, though I doubted she'd appreciate having that pointed out to her. "You need to go home before you get yourself hurt. Mom and Dad can help you figure out how to get back into your program. You don't want to throw away your last chance to finish school."
That got to me a bit. Both the sincerity of the concern, and that blanket assumption that things were just that easy to fix. There had always been that feeling from my family, the question of 'how long is this going to take?'. It was tied to gradually mounting but unspoken frustration as things continued to draw out. The initial hope was that I'd be able to make up my failed classes over that first summer. Then, when that proved too much, the attempt to return to school the following year, something I was in no way ready for. That burnout at least ended with me finding a decent therapist. Dr. Campbell had helped, but there was always the sense from them that things SHOULD be getting better, that there was an easy fix, something that would get me 'back on track'.
It wasn't that easy. Just getting a handle on the scale of what I was working against had been a staggering exercise. I didn't have an easy answer for when I would be 'better', or at least better enough to go back to school, which was really the only type of 'better' that mattered.
No, my academic situation wasn't something that Mom and Dad could fix. I knew the procedure for reapplying for my program. Well, I did now, but that was because Survey had pretty much all publicly available information completely categorized. Having my parents handle the paperwork wouldn't make the actual process any easier, and that's assuming school was even a practical option for me anymore. At the rate my power was expanding it was pointless to form long term plans three weeks into the future, much less the three years it would take to get a degree that I already outclassed to a ridiculous level.
"I don't need their help. I have things under control." I said.
"What, odd jobs? You really expect that to be enough? Or are you going to keep bothering people until they kick you out?" She shot back. It was more direct than I was used to hearing from her, but that was just evidence of the scope of what she had been dealing with. Despite Survey's offer, I didn't want a full breakdown of the number of calls between Alena and Mom, but I had the feeling it could be summarized as 'a lot'. Also, knowing my mom, she probably wasn't limiting herself to calling outside of work hours.
Technically I didn't have to explain myself. No, more than technically. I was under no obligation to explain myself. The implication that I had to justify every action was an artifact of the relationship between me and my family, tying back to an environment where nearly everything needed to be vetted and approved. I could acknowledge that, and decide to move forward, not because I needed to validate myself, but because it was a good cover and it would be helpful to get some practice with it.
"I've gotten a job offer." I said.
"An… offer?" I could hear the skepticism in her voice. If I had to guess she was probably assuming I'd gotten sucked into some scam, marketing con, or blundered into an illegal venture. All with the implication that I'd need to be bailed out, and that came across clearly in her voice.
"I helped out with some automotive repairs. Did a good enough job that they recommended me to a garage. I'm looking to start after the recovery finishes up." I explained.
"You're going to be a mechanic? Less than two years of an engineering program is supposed to qualify you for that?"
I smiled as I continued my explanation. "Going to start with basics, but I can work towards accreditation while I'm there."
"And this garage is so desperate for help that they're willing to train someone up with no experience? And they just grabbed you off the street?" She asked.
It's funny, if you go out and work with people, you end up knowing people. People who need things, and can offer things back. Sometimes that can lead to mutually beneficial arrangements. Of course, that's a different mindset from locking yourself down and studying until you can't see straight in the hopes that academic success will carry you through everything.
"I met them while I was helping with recovery work." I explained. "A lot of cars were damaged in the blackout. Months or years of work, even to just strip them for parts. It's going to be steady work, and something I can build on."
I could practically hear the wheels spinning in Alena's mind, trying to come up with the way that things would fall apart for me. Searching for the red flags that would indicate I'd misread the situation, or wandered into something I couldn't handle.
"So, you're just going to give up on school? After everything?" She asked, circling back to an earlier issue. It was as good as an admission of defeat, though I wouldn't be surprised if she found some flaw in my plans once she had more time to devote to discrediting them.
If I was actually committed to this idea I might be a bit worried, and the same for school. The fact that I was just using it for cover created a wonderful amount of emotional distance. Concerns that she might find fault in my decisions didn't matter. I mean, they shouldn't matter, but in this case they literally didn't. I had no investment tying me to this plan. The worst she could do was convince my family I was committed to a stupid idea.
At which point, what happened? I mean, what of consequence would happen? My family's opinion of me would falter? I mean, I'd like to say it couldn't get any lower, but things would have actually been easier to deal with if that was the case. If someone actually thinks the worst of you then it's easy to dismiss their opinion. It was the scattered breadcrumbs of approval that made the situation so insidious. The idea that, with great effort, I might be able to be a little less of a disappointment. It was just enough to keep me trying, coming back to work harder in an attempt to prove that I wasn't completely worthless.
Yeah, it was horribly toxic. I could see that now. The fact that it even applied to Natalia, that despite everything between me and her I still had an instinct to try to avoid disappointing her, that really drove home how bad it had been. The idea that with great effort and constant work you might just accomplish enough to earn the right be treated like a person, at least for a little while.
Of course, it was paired with the opposite effect just as strongly. Every mistake remembered forever. Every flaw and misstep and accident branded onto my character. Everything bad was because of who I was, while everything good was because of what I did. With the added rub of implying that I wasn't trying hard enough whenever I fell short, and passing the bulk of credit for my accomplishments to whoever made sure I didn't mess things up.
The way I was able to see things, it wasn't just because of the power in my head highlighting every possible misstep and doormat tendency. I had come so far from the last time I'd dealt with my family. Not just in my powers, but my experiences, support, perspectives, and, probably most significantly, my future. I had one now. The power I possessed was the power to carry myself, to carry everyone to a better tomorrow. Hope. It made more of a difference than you could imagine.
"I don't have to give up on school, but going back into my program at this point isn't going to work." I explained. "After things settle I can look into correspondence courses to complete my program. It'll take time, but I can finish my degree without having to go back as a full-time student."
I heard Alena let out a long breath. "That's… You… You should just tell that to Mom." A level of the earlier frustration had dropped away from her voice. I was about to say something, but she cut me off, though this time it was a lot less mean spirited. "You know Mom and Dad want to help you finish school. If you think you can handle remote learning you should just tell them. You don't have to mess around with that mechanic stuff. Even…" She paused for a second before continuing. "Even if you want to stay in the city, just knowing that you're working on your program, you know they'll help you."
"I don't need their help." I said in a voice that I really hoped wasn't as petulant as it felt.
"Look, I know Natalia gave you a hard time about getting help from them." I kept my expression restrained and my mouth shut. Natalia had come just short of openly accusing me of faking my depression for the purposes of exploiting my parents. I wouldn't exactly characterize that as 'a hard time'. "But you can't let that bother you." And once again, reframing the situation. Of course it was my fault. My reactions that were the problem.
I stayed silent as I processed things. I figured that the prospect of finishing my degree was enough to turn things around. That was always a big deal in my family, to the point where a lot could be excused for the sake of academics. Alena had kind of set the gold standard in that respect, though I had done pretty well grade-wise until everything piled up and then fell apart. Natalia… Well, there was a reason why she was so sensitive when it came to the topic of college and her exams.
Everyone was dealing with that pressure in their own way, and everyone had their own particular flavor of pressure to deal with. Everyone probably also thought they had it the worst. Alena being dragged back into family conflicts, Natalia trying to finish her degree while needing an extra year, and the absolute mess I'd had to deal with. Of course, it was easy to grade my situation a bit higher if you knew what was actually happening. Or dismiss it entirely if you only saw things from the outside and tinted through my family's interpretation.
The Quality constellation passed by as Alena began to speak again. "Look, I can talk to Mom for you." She made the offer sound magnanimous, like she was willing to take my place at the gallows. "I know you're angry." I could tell she was moderating her tone, but there was still the feeling of being talked down to. Acknowledgement of anger, but not the event that led to it. "But you can't let this go on, not with everything that's happening. I'll make sure she knows what's happening, and you can talk to her afterwards. Even if you don't want to go home yet."
But I was home.
I blinked in surprise at the words that popped into my head. Senses I'd been working to hold back or ignore flooded my mind. Divine awareness of my technology, the flow of the Dragon's Pulse, the buzz of my Workshop's data network, the steady warmth of the hearthfire, the limitless potential of my volcano. And my team. The presence of everyone I had worked with, grown with, and fought alongside. The contrast between that feeling and the idea of going back to my parents' house, of veiled insults and constant frustration and disappointment, it was stark. Jarring.
But it was familiar. It was what I'd always done, how I'd handled things. Walk a path for too long and it becomes the only one you can take. The other trails fade away, reclaimed by undergrowth without signpost or safety, fading to the point where you can't even tell where they lie. Even if the road you're on leads a painful existence, it can seem better than fighting your way through brush and briars only to find nothing but empty wilderness. It's easy to keep someone on the beaten trail when all the other options are concealed or blocked off.
I could see that trail laid out in front of me. Alena acts as the go between, warning my mother that I'm still being unreasonable and telling her what not to mention when we speak. I call my mother and the topics are danced around. No direct mention of whatever the latest incident was, but plenty of implications about how hard things have been for everyone due to some unspoken reason. A constant press for information on how I'm going to be pursuing my degree, probably with her mentioning how she had suggested remote learning at some earlier date only to have it rejected by me. So of course, this is really her idea and I've just come around to it. Then a full breakdown of how I'm going to be taking my classes, with added implications that without someone to keep me on task I'm going to forget my deadlines and assignment dates. Leading to either a fight to stay in my apartment while she intrudes as much as physically possible, or a push to move back home to make sure I can 'focus' on my studies. That earlier acknowledgement from Alena that I could make my own way and take courses when I was ready to, thrown aside in an instant.
"No." I said in a flat voice.
"Jozef, come on." Alena began. "You know-"
"I know that there are people who I can help right now." I stated. "I know I'm making a difference, and I know what I want to do."
"You don't-" She stopped herself. "What people? You mean your 'friend'? The one you're still staying with?"
I took a breath. This had been hard, and it wasn't going to get easier. But I could feel it. I was close. Not backing down, even symbolically, would be difficult. It would have repercussions. It would make any later interactions more complicated, but I couldn't keep living for the sake of my family. That was untenable back when I only had myself to worry about. Now, with everything riding on my actions, it was unthinkable.
"Alena, are you seriously trying to vet my social connections?" I asked. I didn't actually call her out on how insulting that was, but I left the implication in my tone.
"I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you. We just don't want you to go through something like what happened with that girl again." The mention of Sabah brought up a wave of emotion, but I wrestled it back down. This wasn't the time to get sidetracked.
The sad thing was, if anyone asked about how I was doing from a sincere perspective I would probably be thrilled to talk about everything. About the gym and the recovery work and anything else that I could get away with disclosing. Instead, talking to my family felt like sticking my hand into a bear trap. There was no honest concern, just a hunt for the leverage that would allow them to deal with the problem and move on.
Because that's what I was. I was still the problem. The thing my family was burdened with. Any other time, that line of thinking would have triggered a wave of despair that I would be lucky to fight off. Not this time. Not with my Revival power coming closer and closer with every exchange. Not with my rune magic drawing power from suffering, confirming that there was and had been suffering, that it was real. Not with the reassuring presence of my transmuted wand offering its calm confidence and trust. Not with the interplay of pride Mantra and Spiral Energy that suffused my being, promising an unlimited future.
I wasn't the problem. They just made me one. Something to be dealt with and dismissed, rather than acknowledged. I could fight for decent treatment. I could explain what was wrong. Maybe I'd be able to convince them. Or maybe my concerns would be humored in a patronizing way until I calmed down, then held up as an example of my immaturity. I could fight, argue, and struggle to try to get my family to see what was wrong.
And maybe I would. But not now. Not when I had better things to do. I didn't need this, and I didn't have to deal with it.
"Talk to Mom if you want, but I'm going to be busy with helping out and getting ready for work." I said. "And I'm not unblocking her."
There was a pause before she replied. "Seriously?" She sounded betrayed. Offended. Her gracious offer, thrown back in her face. "Why?"
I took a breath. This was going to be hard. "Yes, why? Why do I need to explain that my sister tearing me down in front of my parents, while they say nothing, on the worst night of my life is something I can be upset about?"
"So, this is all about Natalia?" Alena asked in a dismissive tone. "That's why you're putting everyone through all this?"
I took another breath. "Setting aside the fact that apparently nobody has any problems with the way she behaves, you do know that I got kicked out of school that night?" I asked. "You don't think that might have been a touch upsetting for me? Not just for Mom, but for me? That it would have been hard to deal with even if I was in my best mindset, which I wasn't? Even if I didn't have my sister tearing me down and Mom effectively blaming me for everything that went wrong? Do you know how badly that could have gone?" My voice rose as I spoke. I managed to keep it just south of a shout, but it was a near thing.
There was a long silence on the line. When it was broken Alena's voice sounded hesitant and unsteady. "Jozef, you didn't… I mean to… If you thought about… doing something?"
"No." I quickly assured her and heard her sigh in relief. That wasn't how I anticipated her taking that rant, but I could follow her logic. Even without trigger events, there were plenty of bad things that could happen on what was legitimately the worst day of your life.
"Jozef, I'm sorry." And she actually sounded like she might mean it. Cynically, I had the feeling that sincerity would probably last until she remembered she still needed to take Mom's calls. "I didn't know."
She didn't ask. She didn't even consider the possibility. Considering that kind of implication required her to admit that things could be more serious than a tantrum and sulk. With what it took for her to even acknowledge it, I wasn't feeling overly charitable. Still, I wasn't going to throw it in her face, not now.
"Look, I'm not ready to talk to Mom." I said. "I don't know when I will be."
"Okay." The simple word had a lot of weight to it. "I'll talk to her." The exhaustion that crept back into her voice was a reminder that she would be doing that anyway. "And Jozef, we do love you. All of us. If anything like that ever comes up…"
"I'll…" I took a breath. "I'll call you." I promised. "And I'll check in, later in the week."
"Thank you." She said.
Honestly, I had come into this ready for any level of consequences, including cutting ties entirely. If not for that final exchange, I might have. Straight up, no contact, move on. But those closing words reminded me of something. Despite everything, despite all the habits she had picked up, Alena wasn't Mom. When she wasn't dealing with the insanity of our family, she could actually be a person. She could care. Maybe there was a reason why I hadn't blocked her number.
"And Alena?" I said. "Thank you for dealing with Mom. I'm sorry you have to go through that."
"It's okay." She said, and I could hear the energy dropping from her voice. "And I know you're angry, but please, be careful." She added. "Everything with the city, with the Teeth… We worry about you."
And it actually sounded sincere rather than patronizing. "I'll be careful." I promised.
"Thank you." She took another breath. "Goodnight Jozef. Call me when you get a chance."
"I will. Good night."
The call disconnected and I slumped back in my chair. Somehow I doubted her compassion would hold after a couple of days of fielding complaints from Mom, but just the fact that she was open to it… It was progress. A tiny step of progress, and admission that maybe something was wrong, maybe I wasn't throwing a fit for entirely trivial reasons. Really, it was the kind of concession that you shouldn't need to fight for, but for my family that was the accomplishment of a lifetime.
And I hadn't backed down. No concessions, no capitulations. No compromise to spare feelings or avoid conflict. I hadn't needed the nuclear option, but I had been ready to use it. Alena may have come through at the last minute, but there would still be consequences, and I was ready to accept them all. To live with the pain of standing up, rather than bending to every whim. I smiled, because it wasn't just a personal achievement. My power acknowledged it as well.
The achievement of Revival wasn't like securing a normal power. There was no interaction with the constellations or mixing of motes. The power didn't suddenly appear in my mind. Instead, it bloomed into existence. An unfolding capacity that had been there, waiting for its moment. Every step, every decision to move forward, to be better, had brought me closer. And now I was there.
I had Mental Fortress. I had an ironclad sense of self, of identity and purpose, sufficient to hold against any invasion. Instant, perfect immunity to all mental influences. Anything that would dare to touch my mind would fail. More than that, the sense extended to interactions. Your self didn't end with you, it extended into everything you interacted, every exchange, conversation, and creation. With this power I could see through outside influences as easily as invasive ones. Manipulation and illusions could be detected and defeated. Even my work could benefit, adding a true sense of originality and unique style to my creations.
I had done it. I was fully secured against all masters, most strangers, and a good portion of shakers. And all it took was one of the most draining conversations of my life. I slumped back into my desk chair as I absently noted the arrival of the Personal Reality constellation. A set of motes were secured from one of the clusters with almost no reaction from me. As they were secured there was a faint rumble from the entryway as the latest additions appeared.
I took a deep breath, reviewing the power both in my mind and through the documentation that Survey was rapidly performing. I lifted my head as I registered an internal call directed towards me.
"Hey Aisha." I said while still slumped at my desk, barely looking at the holographic screen.
"Uh, yeah." She said, glancing back at Tybalt and Tetra before continuing. "So, that was something else added to the Workshop right? Survey said you were done with your call and it would be a good time to talk to you."
Survey was actually fairly transparent about her attempts to distract me from the call's aftermath. Well, I couldn't really sit here processing things all night. "Yeah, new addition. And call's done."
"Looks like it was rough." She said in a neutral tone.
"Not as bad as it could have been." All thanks to a rare moment of my sister recognizing a genuine risk. I really didn't like thinking about that kind of stuff, but generally that particular combination of medication, mental state, family stress, social conflict, and devastating news could lead to a lot of terrible outcomes that had nothing to do with trigger events. Totally ready to cut ties and my sister had to go remind me that she actually is a human being.
Of course, I had no idea if that would hold, or if it would just be reframed into some kind of personal weakness on my part once the shock wore off. I didn't know. The idea that things might have been serious was enough to rattle Alena, but I didn't expect her better nature to hold for long if Mom was pestering her.
But that didn't matter. Regardless of how this played out, I was going to stay the course. Alena backing down had saved me from needing to burn bridges, but the power that had been unlocked was proof of my willingness to go that far if needed.
"On the plus side, guess who's immune to all mental effects." I said, giving the screen a weak smile.
"Seriously? You got that Mental Fortress thing?" Behind Aisha, Tybalt meowed his congratulations with Tetra chiming in.
"Yeah, so no more memory updates at the computer core. I'm set for anti-stranger, twenty-four, seven." I said, sitting up.
Aisha shook her head. "God damn. I mean, a week ago, finding someone immune to my power was a huge deal." She angled the screen towards where Garment was still camped out with a stack of magazines. She waved excitedly, then lifted a specific issue to show off some formalwear from the mystery Earth. I smiled at that. Then wondered how long it would take her to realize I would be able to handle the Prismatic Laboratory.
Oh, the outfit matched up with the way Irrigo and Violant appeared on camera. Yeah, Garment totally knew. I doubted I'd be able to justify keeping her out of there much longer.
"I mean, still a huge deal, but there are a lot of them coming around." Aisha continued. "Was that something big? Any big changes to the workshop."
I shook my head. "No, that was just the Security System." I said. "And the prison cells."
"The what?"
Shortly after we were assembled in the entryway examining the new door leading to the holding cells provided by my Detainment power.
"Okay, not that bad." Aisha said. "More like what they have in malls for shoplifters than full on lockdown."
I had the distinct feeling that she was speaking from experience. The cell was in a temporary door that would manifest from the side of the entrance hall. It was definitely more of a holding cell than a prison cell. Not intended for long term containment, more of a secure room with a simple bench/bed in it.
"And anyone who even tries to break in will end up here?" She asked.
"Sort of. It's not going to grab anyone who brushes against the entrance, but a serious push inside will dump them here." I explained. "Security System lets me know if anyone unauthorized comes in, but the Force Wall takes care of that."
"And it's better than the twenty energy shields you've already got set up?" Aisha asked with a slight smile.
I shrugged. "Direct guarantee from my power. Nothing can break it. Some powers allow people to slip past, but the cells will grab anyone who manages that." Anyone who tried to bypass the entrance with fancy teleports or breaker states would be dumped straight into the holding cells.
"If they can get through the super force field won't they be able to get out of the cells?" Aisha asked.
I shrugged. "For the moment, yeah, but they can be upgraded." I paused and confirmed things with my duplicates, noting a miss from the Vehicles constellaton. "They're going to be upgraded. Honestly, a bounded field would probably take care of most of the potential problems, but this is being left to the duplicates so…"
"Ah, yeah." She looked at the currently simple room again. "Can't wait to see how they go overboard on this one."
"Still, it's a guarantee against physical intrusion on every entrance." I said. "Definitely something good for peace of mind."
"I mean, you were probably pretty close before." She replied. "The Matrix showed me the designs you were using. Pretty sure it was Endbringer proof a dozen upgrades ago."
"Maybe, but there's a big difference between invincible and very, very tough. I'm not going to complain about this one." I said.
"Yeah, like the mind thing." Aisha said. "Um, is that going to change anything?" She asked. "I mean, I know there wasn't much to be concerned about in the city, but this was one of the last big things before you could, you know…"
"Cut loose?" I asked, earning a smile in response. "Yeah, same as with the door. Almost impervious isn't the same as totally impervious. Mystic codes could have handled a lot of power effects, but one lucky master and…"
"And you get the same situation everyone is worried about with the Butcher." Aisha said. "Speaking of which…"
"Not going after the Teeth." I said. "At least not yet. Don't have a lead on them anyway, and it's better for the stability of the city if I let the other gangs have first swing. We can step in if things get out of hand, but yeah, with this, no threat from the Butcher."
At least providing I managed to avoid falling back into bad habits. Fortunately, once I crossed the threshold the effect would hold unless I sank far enough back to hit Reaper. At this point the power was going to be one or the other, with no drop in the middle. And after that call I had no interest in returning to that kind of mentality.
"But we don't have a lead on Bakuda either, right?" Aisha asked.
"Not as yet." I admitted. "The photonic core is coming along really well. Mega Bomb was a big help there, so we should be finished testing and able to start the decryption sequence for her code tomorrow. Fleet and Survey are also working out details for stealth drone deployment. We're going to trial a batch tonight. Provided they don't raise any alarms, we can go for wider scale observation and searches. Breaking the code means her leverage is gone and we'll be able to launch into a full assault as soon as we have a location."
"Are you seriously worried about alarms?" She asked with an incredulous expression on her face. "I mean, with your tech and magic and everything?"
"And with the dozens of thinker powers pointed at the city?" I retorted. "I trust my work, but parahuman powers are all over the place. There's a chance some obscure power could pick something up. In that case I'd rather the alert be sent out over an expedition force than an entire robot army."
Aisha nodded. "Okay, I can see that. Anything else?"
It was an open-ended question, and I had to admit, it had appeal. I was currently completely immune to mental influence and precognition. Combined with the level of force I'd been able to amass and all kinds of enticing possibilities opened up. Find a master or stranger too scary for the Protectorate to even consider going against and just walk in and take care of them. And then…
Well, the childhood fantasy would go with something like worldwide adoration, everyone who bad mouthed my cape identity taking back their words, things improving on every front, and everything turning out wonderful. That was the kind of thinking that had driven me when I decided healing and warning Panacea was a great idea. A more realistic situation would be a frantic scramble of every power bloc in the world as they desperately tried to figure out why their thinkers hadn't seen a move like that coming coupled with insane and monstrous theories as to my reasoning for taking out the evil cape, because altruism didn't exist in this world unless it was being marketed as a lifestyle brand by the PRT. Then every local group who thought they were in a stable position would panic, either making a mad rush out of town or pulling some stupid and destructive stunt, with the potential level of destructiveness sitting frighteningly high.
"We'll stay focused on the city for the moment." I said cautiously. "A lot of the local peace is based around the idea that I'm not causing more trouble than necessary, so no publicly visible excursions to other states. I'm expecting a call from Tattletale later tonight, which should hash out the plan for the situation with Coil. If we can close out that and Bakuda then we can start hitting other threats without worrying about the aftermath. The Dragonslayers, the Teeth, really anything else." I shrugged. "But until we're ready to go all out we need to keep things quiet."
Aisha nodded. "Which also gives us time to train, and for you to get more powers, and for everyone else to build up."
I nodded. "It's useful, but the Gangs aren't going to be sitting on their hands either." I let out a breath. "I'll have a better sense of the timeline once I speak with Tattletale. Until then, things are kind of up in the air."
"Until we're ready to bring them down on someone, right?" Aisha asked with a gleam in her eyes.
"Right." I said as we exited the Detainment area. The door that closed behind us wasn't visible when not in use and the entire section didn't actually take up the space you would expect it to given the layout of the workshop. The upgrades from Personal Reality were increasingly layering parts of my Workshop on top of or inside each other. It made the process of updating maps a challenge, but one that Survey embraced with wholehearted enthusiasm.
I took a moment to check in with the rest of the Forge. The end of my call and arrival of the Security System had broken up library hours, leading to everyone scattering across the Workshop once more. Survey was multitasking to her usual degree, only with the added layer of leveraging her legal identity towards arrangements on Garment's behalf. Garment was in her workshop planning outfits that were conveniently styled in the mundane variations of the Prismatic Laboratory colors. Additionally, Survey had compromised on the departure of original materials from the Library by having the Matrix duplicate every copy of Vogue that came with the Starting Collection before delivering them to Garment's workshop.
Across the workshop, Fleet was in the Garage with the Ion Titan, helping to evaluate various upgrade and armament options that the Matrix was presenting. Meanwhile, Tetra was continuing her training with Tybalt and leaning hard into the Chi techniques that came naturally to her.
I turned to Aisha. "Tybalt has started training again if you want to go join Tetra…" I trailed off as I felt the Knowledge constellation approach. Aisha recognized the expression and leaned in with anticipation. A very familiar cluster of motes was swinging towards me. They were small motes, so even my mostly depleted reach was able to secure two of them. The rest of the constellation swung by as I felt two additional copies of Star Trek's Skills power.
"What?" Aisha prodded. "What is it this time?"
I smiled. "More Star Trek." Her eyes widened in excitement that had a lot more to do with the technology involved than any affection for the franchise in question. "Full skills in Engineering and Robotics."
The Engineering skills were primarily focused on shipboard systems and equipment, but extended to passable understanding of just about every type of technology used in the setting. Robotics was actually more a high-level understanding of mechanical engineering and computer science, but did cover the design and development of everything from androids to cybernetics.
Huh. So that's how a positronic brain works. I mean, it's simple when you think about it. Actually, no. It wasn't simple. None of this was simple, and it was being taken to new, aggressively complex levels by interactions with my other powers. I wouldn't be able to extend Robotics into medical applications without already having Medicine as a skill, and positronics wouldn't be comprehensible without also having Engineering and Physics to shore up my knowledge. Additionally, this was yet another tech base being fed into my tinker power, allowing it to be supplemented and improved even before the miniaturization specialization was introduced.
I turned to Aisha. "Would you be offended if I said I knew a much better way to build that shield projector of yours?"
"Please, I know you can build a better one." She replied. "Unless you mean you can teach me?" I nodded and her eyes sparkled. From just reviewing the depth of the information that I had gained I could tell, there was a good reason why Star Trek engineers had the reputation they did.
And now I was one. I was effectively a Starfleet engineer, as well as a helmsman, science officer, medical officer, and security officer. The list or roles I wouldn't be able to fill to a high level of proficiency was vanishingly small. Maybe tactical officer? Or the Conn?
Just thinking about it, having all the little questions that had niggled at my mind from the moment I first got Skills: Physics suddenly filled in, it was as elating as it was overwhelming. Really, the technology wasn't that advanced, at least compared to my best efforts, but it was comprehensive. It was the full tech of a living world, not just the landmark pieces or military assets, but every little convenience that made that show the utopia it was depicted as. Replicators, transporters, shields, non-lethal energy weapons, artificial gravity, even the manufacture and fabrication of what had previously been roadblocks. My focus on exotic materials was misplaced. With this knowledge I could roll out a wave of technology that would change the world.
Well, I'd been able to do that for a long time, but this wasn't just some disruptive power supply. It was everything necessary to create a completely new society. The implications of that kind of action were as heavy as any offensive action I could undertake. The fact that this technology came from somewhere suggested it could be integrated into a civilization in a stable manner, but most versions of Star Trek basically implied there was a 'from the ashes' period that preceded the depicted utopia. No word on what would happen if you suddenly released replication technology into the world.
Not that I was planning to, at least not any time soon, but it was something to think about. Well, probably something for Survey to write overly-extensive analysis pieces about, most of which would be never read or rendered redundant by some future power, not that she seemed to mind in the least.
Awareness of an outside call startled me out of my contemplation. I quickly turned to Aisha. "I'll give you a full primer during our next lesson in the computer core, but not right now." I smiled grimly. "I need to take Tattletale's call."
Jumpchain abilities this chapter:
Mental Fortress (The World Ends With You) Free!: Your sense of individuality and self is so strong that invasive influences find your mind impenetrable. Whether it's Mind Control, Emotion Manipulation, Thought Reading, or any other kind of mind-messing mojo - You are the sole master of your own psyche. You can also see through outside manipulation and illusion more easily. Your art becomes famous for its originality and unique style, whatever you decide to apply this to.
Security System (Personal Reality) Free:
Anybody coming in and out of your Personal Reality is now checked for any authorization you've given them to access it; and should anything about said authorization (or a lack of it) raise any flags in the system, then you will receive a warning about it. This allows you to define just what sorts of authorization different individuals can have to access your Personality Reality, anything from No Access through Temporary Access and Limited Access to Unlimited Access is possible. All this does is notify you. It does not stop them on its own. A Keyholder's Access cannot be limited by the Security System. Only hand out Keys to those you trust implicitly
Detainment (Personal Reality) 300:
This Security System Upgrade ensures that anybody without correct access authorization who attempts to break into your warehouse automatically gets detained in temporary cells, which are accessed through temporary doors in your Entrance Hall. The cells are not fiat-backed to hold everyone. If you'd have to exert yourself to fight someone, then the cells aren't going to hold them for long, at least without any upgrades. Detainment will attempt to work on anything that manifests anywhere in your warehouse without proper clearance… as well as anything that had proper clearance and is now clearly a threat. A Keyholder cannot be detained.
Force Wall (Personal Reality) 200:
This adds a force-field to the entrances and exits to your Personal Reality. Nothing unauthorized can pass through these force-fields. The field is fully permeable to anything authorized. A Keyholder's Access cannot be blocked by these fields. Be aware, some enemies might conceivably be able to enter your Personal Reality without technically 'passing through' these force-fields. I don't know, but don't assume the Force Wall is utterly infallible. It is also potentially possible that you or your companions might bring something seemingly harmless into your Reality that turns out to be some kind of threat.
Skills: Robotics (Star Trek - TNG+DS9) 100:
A combined study of mechanical engineering, and computer science. You learn how to make a wide array of machines, and you could even figure out Android or Borg technology if you studied it enough.
Skills: Engineering (Star Trek - TNG+DS9) 100:
You've been trained in the maintenance and repair of Starships. Not only do you have a significant amount of mechanical and computer knowledge, but you also know a great deal about physics.
