There are a lot of complaints that March is OP compared to canon. Is this actually so? I'm really asking, because I didn't read Ward, but I have read about it. Wasn't she one of the main antagonists in the whole work? Didn't Contessa herself get Titanized in one of her traps? (Again, I don't know this for sure).
Maybe she actually could have taken down Leviathan.. remember what Joe told the Undersiders about what to ask anyone who broke their watches?
Given the scale of the reaction to this chapter I wanted to try to address things before I began any of my usual spelling and grammar corrections and management of the thread.
Firstly, I want to thank everyone for supporting this story. Given how strong the reaction has been to the last chapter I can tell how much this story meant to people. I know disappointment like that doesn't happen unless someone is very invested.
I could begin by addressing specific points of the chapter, but I actually wanted to start with a general statement. I take full responsibility for the narrative decisions in this story. Some authors regard their works like the watchmaker analogy, that the world and characters exist largely independently of the author input. Plots happen because that's what certain characters would do in certain situations, rather than because the author wanted it to happen. It's the kind of mentality that lets you defend plot points by saying they were just the consequence of logical progression of the forces of your story, rather than a deliberate choice. It lets you avoid responsibility for the elements of your story.
In a way, Worm is especially bad about that, because it has plot device characters built into it. Contessa, March, and the Simurgh can be used to have contrivances while also pretending it's a natural interaction of characters. Really it just shifts the annoyance of the audience from the author to the characters.
Basically, I'm saying that things are happening because I'm choosing to write them that way, not because it's a perfect logical path for the characters. If the actions in the story come across as out of place then that's on me. I failed to set up, explain, or moderate an element of the story, and it broke people's suspension of disbelief.
So I could get into the exact technique Oni Lee was using to teleport, or the distinction between reaction speed and movement speed under life fibers, or how the aftermath of the attack affected Joe's mind and ability to function, but addressing those points here wouldn't fix the fact that I wasn't able to bring them across in the story.
This particular story is both easy and very challenging to write. The point mechanics makes it easy to keep writing and maintain a good speed, but managing pacing, story structure, or plot points is very difficult. I have probably thrown out a dozen fics worth of ideas because the story or Joe's powers moved in a way where they no longer fit. I am trying to maintain a consistent narrative with a short timeframe and advancing powers. Additionally, the serialized format of the story and the fact that chapters are weeks apart in real time while they take place within the span of hours in-story probably makes these problems worse.
Really, I never expected this story to become popular. I'm not trying to humblebrag, I just never figured I would get as devoted an audience with a concept like this. I'm very grateful to my reader base and am trying to maintain the quality of the writing, but I am a bit concerned that some of these issues may be fundamental problems with the structure of how the story is written. That it has gotten big enough that the cracks in the foundation are starting to show.
To try to address some of the concerns I wanted to clarify the status of things post-chapter, as well as provide some spoilers for the upcoming chapter. I do think leaving the addendum off was a mistake, particularly with how the chapter ended without it. It just reached the point where there was too much I wanted to include and didn't have the time or space for this week. I hope at least removing the uncertainty will help with the situation.
Lung:
Lung is gone. He has vanished and is not coming back. There is no real clarity on what happened to him, and the fact that his death cannot be confirmed is somewhat problematic. On the question of if he is really dead, the only way Lung could have survived is with specific PtV interference and the use of Doormaker. If that happened he's in a Cauldron box labeled 'break in case of Scion'. Either way, not part of the story any more.
Bakuda:
As stated, Bakuda has cancer. The exact nature isn't clear, but it's bad and going to get worse fast. It won't be long before the symptoms start stacking up, and there isn't a convenient cure that she can rig. Even if she could manage it she lost her main lab, and most of the ABB assets that weren't exposed in Monday's attack have been revealed by the second duplicate. She will probably have to go to Uber and Leet for support.
Oni Lee:
Joe's attack caused serious trauma, enough for significant blood loss from the initial strike. Lee is running on robot mode, so he has fallen back to a specific clinic he was instructed to use in the case of major injury and is currently in critical condition. Even if he gets healing tech he will be out of commission for a while.
March:
March went through the equivalent of a car accident. She is not currently dead, but has numerous horrible injuries that will shortly be fatal. Even immediate medical treatment would be hard pressed to save her after a hit like that. (Though I said I wouldn't defend the parts of the chapter that I failed to write clearly, March got hit by the equivalent of a backhand compared to the full body punch Lung received. That was why she wasn't immediately pasted)
The ABB:
For anyone who was worried that things were going back to the status quo, 'the ABB' is basically finished as an organization. They just lost the last of their holdings, their capes are dead or injured, and all of their members can be tracked thanks to Bakuda's bombs. Bakuda might be able to conceal the signal of a small team of troops, but the 'city wide conscripted army' is a dead concept. It does mean that the PRT will be responsible for collecting the conscripts and gang members and dealing with the bombs in their heads. Lung being gone without formerly being proven dead will put the organization in a weird limbo, but their days as a city power are over.
The next chapter will be an interlude from Victoria's perspective. It will get into her reaction to the events in the city, the situation with Amy, the hero side of the response to the attack, general reactions to the broadcasts involving Apeiron and the ABB, reactions to the public spectacle of the Lung fight, and the aftermath.
The interlude was going to be a short look at the hero's response to the situation, but too many things came together, so I decided it would be stronger as its own chapter. As I have said earlier, I believe that may have contributed to souring a number of people's reactions to this chapter.
For those who really need to know, here is what will happen with March next chapter. I acknowledge that this will probably leave some people frustrated and could cause them to abandon the story. To them I would like to say: Thank you for staying with it this long. I greatly appreciate your support and patronage for my first published story and am sorry to lose you as a reader.
March was critically injured by Apeiron, but was still conscious. She had severe damage to her right hand (what remained of it, anyway), as well as a shattered arm, broken ribs, broken legs, and damage to her organs. She was barely able to move, but with attention elsewhere she was able to crawl to the downed motoroid, which crashed nearby. With work she extracted the call gem from the magitek core and, in an act of desperation, used her striker power on it. This was a very bad thing and caused a great number of problems, but one of the effects it triggered allowed March to persist in a state that could be technically defined as 'alive'.
For the sake of readers who would prefer to avoid information on upcoming chapters I would like to ask everyone to use spoilers for any commentary on these details until they are revealed in the story.
@LordRoustabout, I just want to say: part of what keeps me coming back to this story is not just your craft, but your character. It's always been obvious to me that you're writing in good faith and with great consideration, and I hope I can return that as one of your readers.
Thank you for all your hard work and conscientiousness.
Personally, I find the "Shards loosen the restrictions on their powers around me" bit very neat and it explains at least some of what happened.
Every shard could perform at Titan level. Everything below is an artificial restriction. It makes sense that noticing an out of context problem allows shards to empower their hosts further in pursuit of that delicious new knowledge. Suddenly, March's thinker power enters Contessa levels. Bakuda can go beyond even her normal absurd limits, Oni Lee can teleport faster than automatic point defence systems… stuff like that.
Of course there are still some weird things (What kind of barrier was Oni Lee hiding behind that Apeiron cannot shoot through?) but that's fine.
Well gotta say, I'm at least disappointed in what happened/is happening
with March.
That being said, while there are many things that piss me off about this story, you are extremely right in that I also immensely enjoy your story to actually feel that way in the first place and like it far too much to actually abandon it. Keep it up Lord.
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Warning: Remember to try and keep the discussion about the story, not each other
@Image, @Pai please keep in mind that comments like these are simply not productive additions to the discussion.
Image, on SV we have Rule 4: Don't be Disruptive. Among other things it asks users to respect the arguments, the nature of the discussion, and other posters. If you have frustrations with a certain line of mistaken criticism, please keep that in mind before describing those comments as 'babby wailing'. Such provocations are very likely to start a derail at the very least, as they've started to here.
Pai, I probably don't need to tell you that telling someone 'Go Away Troll' is in conflict with Rule 3: Be Civil. Frustration is not a license to put this rule aside. If you have issues with generalizations being made about other posters who are offering constructive criticisms, you can ask us to take a look!
For the moment, while these comments are concerning, they haven't risen to the level that would require further intervention.
All this time, ABB has amassed more power, Bakuda has built up her arsenal and stolen tech, new capes stream in to town and the response and the threat presented by Joes adversaries keeps getting bigger. And he's still comes out on top, since his power grows really fast. I wouldn't call that "precisely nothing".
People take time to move, so it's entirely possible that even if other groups like S9 might come to Brockton Bay, Joe may well grow so strong by the time they get there, that they pose him no actual threat.
I haven't tracked the replies, so I don't know what sort of complaints are happening, but I will say that I have loved the story and I enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait for more.
To offer some critique, I did feel very stressed not knowing what exactly happened with March. After having read the spoiler, I sorta think it would have been worth an extra few thousand words to describe what was in the spoiler and then leave it at that for future development rather than cutting off before we know even the slightest bit about what happened to her. That said, I am okay with the way it is right now.
Personally, I find the "Shards loosen the restrictions on their powers around me" bit very neat and it explains at least some of what happened.
Every shard could perform at Titan level. Everything below is an artificial restriction. It makes sense that noticing an out of context problem allows shards to empower their hosts further in pursuit of that delicious new knowledge. Suddenly, March's thinker power enters Contessa levels. Bakuda can go beyond even her normal absurd limits, Oni Lee can teleport faster than automatic point defence systems… stuff like that.
Of course there are still some weird things (What kind of barrier was Oni Lee hiding behind that Apeiron cannot shoot through?) but that's fine.
I mean it is logical and it makes perfect sense. The shards entire purpose is to research and find out stuff like this. They are going to loosen restrictions around an OCP to get more data from it.
Given the scale of the reaction to this chapter I wanted to try to address things before I began any of my usual spelling and grammar corrections and management of the thread.
Firstly, I want to thank everyone for supporting this story. Given how strong the reaction has been to the last chapter I can tell how much this story meant to people. I know disappointment like that doesn't happen unless someone is very invested.
I could begin by addressing specific points of the chapter, but I actually wanted to start with a general statement. I take full responsibility for the narrative decisions in this story. Some authors regard their works like the watchmaker analogy, that the world and characters exist largely independently of the author input. Plots happen because that's what certain characters would do in certain situations, rather than because the author wanted it to happen. It's the kind of mentality that lets you defend plot points by saying they were just the consequence of logical progression of the forces of your story, rather than a deliberate choice. It lets you avoid responsibility for the elements of your story.
In a way, Worm is especially bad about that, because it has plot device characters built into it. Contessa, March, and the Simurgh can be used to have contrivances while also pretending it's a natural interaction of characters. Really it just shifts the annoyance of the audience from the author to the characters.
Basically, I'm saying that things are happening because I'm choosing to write them that way, not because it's a perfect logical path for the characters. If the actions in the story come across as out of place then that's on me. I failed to set up, explain, or moderate an element of the story, and it broke people's suspension of disbelief.
So I could get into the exact technique Oni Lee was using to teleport, or the distinction between reaction speed and movement speed under life fibers, or how the aftermath of the attack affected Joe's mind and ability to function, but addressing those points here wouldn't fix the fact that I wasn't able to bring them across in the story.
This particular story is both easy and very challenging to write. The point mechanics makes it easy to keep writing and maintain a good speed, but managing pacing, story structure, or plot points is very difficult. I have probably thrown out a dozen fics worth of ideas because the story or Joe's powers moved in a way where they no longer fit. I am trying to maintain a consistent narrative with a short timeframe and advancing powers. Additionally, the serialized format of the story and the fact that chapters are weeks apart in real time while they take place within the span of hours in-story probably makes these problems worse.
Really, I never expected this story to become popular. I'm not trying to humblebrag, I just never figured I would get as devoted an audience with a concept like this. I'm very grateful to my reader base and am trying to maintain the quality of the writing, but I am a bit concerned that some of these issues may be fundamental problems with the structure of how the story is written. That it has gotten big enough that the cracks in the foundation are starting to show.
hey! As a felllow "CF" writer, I know how hard it can be to maintain such stories. I prewrite my work to keep up a buffer, but it still can be hard to plot out anything. The fact you do it all in a week is seriously impressive! I'm glad you're owning up though.
This chapter had issues, absolutely. I will not lie and say there aren't some growing pains this story is dealing with, but over all this story is good so far, and I believe in you! Good luck!
I mean it is logical and it makes perfect sense. The shards entire purpose is to research and find out stuff like this. They are going to loosen restrictions around an OCP to get more data from it.
Yeah that is one of the things I thought could work for OCP in worm of course they are still no going to know what there dealing with depending if it can stop the shards. And there a few things I can think of that can fully stop a shard.
Your writing is great but maybe moving the focus to character interaction and plot progression instead of tech would be good.
Your story is great thats why i get frustrated with how slow things are moving and the focus the story is having the last chapters.honestly speaking i like the first chapters more because they feel more like joe and his social problems are the priority nowadays the chapters are full of tech fluff ,hype and abb capes and no progress at at all with joe and his family or any of his many issues not to mention that the last fight had zero tension because of the uncontrollable escalating it just was too much to be honest
Well, after the post from the author, I think I'm gonna stop reading this story for a while. I'm quite disappointed that the story is working with anime logic instead of actual wormverse logic.
If Joe had to escalate this much to deal with ABB and March yet still failed to get a clean victory, I'm having trouble imagining how much of a random power boost other villains are going to get in order for story to stay compelling.
Well, after the post from the author, I think I'm gonna stop reading this story for a while. I'm quite disappointed that the story is working with anime logic instead of actual wormverse logic.
Given the scale of the reaction to this chapter I wanted to try to address things before I began any of my usual spelling and grammar corrections and management of the thread.
Firstly, I want to thank everyone for supporting this story. Given how strong the reaction has been to the last chapter I can tell how much this story meant to people. I know disappointment like that doesn't happen unless someone is very invested.
I could begin by addressing specific points of the chapter, but I actually wanted to start with a general statement. I take full responsibility for the narrative decisions in this story. Some authors regard their works like the watchmaker analogy, that the world and characters exist largely independently of the author input. Plots happen because that's what certain characters would do in certain situations, rather than because the author wanted it to happen. It's the kind of mentality that lets you defend plot points by saying they were just the consequence of logical progression of the forces of your story, rather than a deliberate choice. It lets you avoid responsibility for the elements of your story.
In a way, Worm is especially bad about that, because it has plot device characters built into it. Contessa, March, and the Simurgh can be used to have contrivances while also pretending it's a natural interaction of characters. Really it just shifts the annoyance of the audience from the author to the characters.
Basically, I'm saying that things are happening because I'm choosing to write them that way, not because it's a perfect logical path for the characters. If the actions in the story come across as out of place then that's on me. I failed to set up, explain, or moderate an element of the story, and it broke people's suspension of disbelief.
So I could get into the exact technique Oni Lee was using to teleport, or the distinction between reaction speed and movement speed under life fibers, or how the aftermath of the attack affected Joe's mind and ability to function, but addressing those points here wouldn't fix the fact that I wasn't able to bring them across in the story.
This particular story is both easy and very challenging to write. The point mechanics makes it easy to keep writing and maintain a good speed, but managing pacing, story structure, or plot points is very difficult. I have probably thrown out a dozen fics worth of ideas because the story or Joe's powers moved in a way where they no longer fit. I am trying to maintain a consistent narrative with a short timeframe and advancing powers. Additionally, the serialized format of the story and the fact that chapters are weeks apart in real time while they take place within the span of hours in-story probably makes these problems worse.
Really, I never expected this story to become popular. I'm not trying to humblebrag, I just never figured I would get as devoted an audience with a concept like this. I'm very grateful to my reader base and am trying to maintain the quality of the writing, but I am a bit concerned that some of these issues may be fundamental problems with the structure of how the story is written. That it has gotten big enough that the cracks in the foundation are starting to show.
To try to address some of the concerns I wanted to clarify the status of things post-chapter, as well as provide some spoilers for the upcoming chapter. I do think leaving the addendum off was a mistake, particularly with how the chapter ended without it. It just reached the point where there was too much I wanted to include and didn't have the time or space for this week. I hope at least removing the uncertainty will help with the situation.
Lung:
Lung is gone. He has vanished and is not coming back. There is no real clarity on what happened to him, and the fact that his death cannot be confirmed is somewhat problematic. On the question of if he is really dead, the only way Lung could have survived is with specific PtV interference and the use of Doormaker. If that happened he's in a Cauldron box labeled 'break in case of Scion'. Either way, not part of the story any more.
Bakuda:
As stated, Bakuda has cancer. The exact nature isn't clear, but it's bad and going to get worse fast. It won't be long before the symptoms start stacking up, and there isn't a convenient cure that she can rig. Even if she could manage it she lost her main lab, and most of the ABB assets that weren't exposed in Monday's attack have been revealed by the second duplicate. She will probably have to go to Uber and Leet for support.
Oni Lee:
Joe's attack caused serious trauma, enough for significant blood loss from the initial strike. Lee is running on robot mode, so he has fallen back to a specific clinic he was instructed to use in the case of major injury and is currently in critical condition. Even if he gets healing tech he will be out of commission for a while.
March:
March went through the equivalent of a car accident. She is not currently dead, but has numerous horrible injuries that will shortly be fatal. Even immediate medical treatment would be hard pressed to save her after a hit like that. (Though I said I wouldn't defend the parts of the chapter that I failed to write clearly, March got hit by the equivalent of a backhand compared to the full body punch Lung received. That was why she wasn't immediately pasted)
The ABB:
For anyone who was worried that things were going back to the status quo, 'the ABB' is basically finished as an organization. They just lost the last of their holdings, their capes are dead or injured, and all of their members can be tracked thanks to Bakuda's bombs. Bakuda might be able to conceal the signal of a small team of troops, but the 'city wide conscripted army' is a dead concept. It does mean that the PRT will be responsible for collecting the conscripts and gang members and dealing with the bombs in their heads. Lung being gone without formerly being proven dead will put the organization in a weird limbo, but their days as a city power are over.
The next chapter will be an interlude from Victoria's perspective. It will get into her reaction to the events in the city, the situation with Amy, the hero side of the response to the attack, general reactions to the broadcasts involving Apeiron and the ABB, reactions to the public spectacle of the Lung fight, and the aftermath.
The interlude was going to be a short look at the hero's response to the situation, but too many things came together, so I decided it would be stronger as its own chapter. As I have said earlier, I believe that may have contributed to souring a number of people's reactions to this chapter.
For those who really need to know, here is what will happen with March next chapter. I acknowledge that this will probably leave some people frustrated and could cause them to abandon the story. To them I would like to say: Thank you for staying with it this long. I greatly appreciate your support and patronage for my first published story and am sorry to lose you as a reader.
March was critically injured by Apeiron, but was still conscious. She had severe damage to her right hand (what remained of it, anyway), as well as a shattered arm, broken ribs, broken legs, and damage to her organs. She was barely able to move, but with attention elsewhere she was able to crawl to the downed motoroid, which crashed nearby. With work she extracted the call gem from the magitek core and, in an act of desperation, used her striker power on it. This was a very bad thing and caused a great number of problems, but one of the effects it triggered allowed March to persist in a state that could be technically defined as 'alive'.
For the sake of readers who would prefer to avoid information on upcoming chapters I would like to ask everyone to use spoilers for any commentary on these details until they are revealed in the story.
Thanks for the explanations. Definitely a better attitude than some authors have towards commentary and/or feedback and its always nice to have some extra information that may or may not come up in the story like what happened to the ABB capes. I'm personally more of a fan of actual answers like this than, "you'll find out in the story" or cliffhangers. No author has to give out any explanations towards their work but it's always nice to get their point of view. Great work and hope the response continues to be a pleasant suprise.
Dont worry lord and thank you for your good job. If it was for me I would say this is one of the best fanfics ever made. It is even greatly better than the original story!!!!
In order to take it, he would have had to tell his duplicates to dispel (only one active potion at at time!), wait for them to dispel, and then drink the potion. I'm not sure he had all that time available.
Honestly this chapter hit a lot of high points for me, I really didn't feel the need for any clarification after it. Also I'm kind of hoping that March isn't out of commission permanently. She's one of the few people who can make joe go all out. Maaybe a few weeks of intensive care is what she need for Joe to forget about her.
I haven't read the source material, but is she some kind of tinker too? How would she even know how to take apart the motoroid, or how to use any of the components to do anything at all? I suppose it could be hand-waived as "her passenger told her", but I'd prefer there to be more depth to how she escapes.
She did a desperate thing. It was already cracked and compromised, a few stings to clear the way (her sting is clearly weak, seeing what it did to joe's face) would get her to the source. She could likely tell the bead was connected to shardspace via it being the centerpiece + her passenger tbh.
