[X]Not seeing Kyuubey is probably for the best. As nice as having actual magic is, becoming a magical girl requires sacrifices, few of which are explained upfront.
[X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you. You actually wanted to talk with her, and other adults about this. Particularly girls' parents, once we run it by the girls themselves.
- [X] Proper emotional support is very important to magical girls.
- [X] Explain our goals: We're trying to change the system completely. Until then, we're trying to keep other girls out of this life, and help those who are stuck in it.
[X] Hitomi doesn't appear to have the potential to become a magical girl. We've been trying to ensure she and her friends don't fall out of touch over it.
[X]Explain further as requested.

[x] Vote in abeyance.

[X] When you have a moment, Ask Kyuubey about Tsuchiya Ritsuko's status.


I might make my own vote after class, but for now Pheonix is close enough.
 
We need you to churn up more! Quality and your feeling be damned! :mad:

:p
Beware, for theauthor supports the return of... OMAKE SHITPOSTING!!!
Adhoc vote count started by Firnagzen on Sep 21, 2017 at 4:47 AM, finished with 125149 posts and 36 votes.

  • [X] Thank Haruka for sharing this.
    [X] Tell her Hitomi is not in danger.
    [x] Explain the magical girl system to Haruka.
    [x] Explain your plans for fixing the system.
    [X] Tell her about your plan to reveal magic to the adults, and the help their daughter and you need from them.
    [x] Thank Haruka for breaking the ice.
    [x] Give Mami an opening in case she wants to leave. Homework would work.
    [x] Explain the magical girl system to Haruka.
    [x] Explain your plans for fixing the system.
    [x] Recruit Haruka as the team's first parental auxiliary.
    [X] Ask how involved she was in the whole thing. Try to understand how much she knows about stuff without actually revealing the existence of the stuff she doesn't know.
    -[X] She confronted us for a reason... Does she just want to know more about this kind of stuff?
    -[X] Is she just looking to make sure her daughter is safe? Cuz she totally is! Hardly involved at all beyond just being a friend we can unwind with.
    [X] Lead in:
    -[X] Jokingly: You should scold Haruka now. Going into a witch's barrier is dangerous. But seriously, you hope the two of them didn't do that more than once.
    [X]Points to clear up early on.
    -[X] Find out more about Haruka's relationship with magic in the past.
    -[X] Ask why she brought this up.
    [X] Conversational goals in rough order of priority.
    -[X] Leave Haruka well inclined to us.
    -[X] Give her cause to realize that Hitomi is safe without overemphasizing it.
    -[X] Fill Haruka in on what we're trying to do. (With particular focus on what we asked her for help with today by proxy)
    -[X] Acquire Haruka's support as an adult we can count on.
    [X]Outro:
    -[X] Ask if she minds us filling in our friends on this development.
    [x] Vote in abeyance.
    [X] Find out the status of Tsuchiya Ritsuko from Kyuubey, later.
    [X] Offer your condolences. Tsuchiya Ritsuko is almost certainly dead, or she would be famous by now for living so long.
    -[X] As far as we know, Hitomi is not a potential. We've involved her at all to prevent exactly Mrs. Shizuki just described.
    [X] Mami has homework, ask if Mrs. Shizuki is opposed to the content of the conversation so far being "public" so Mami has a response to "what was that about?" You'd like to give Mrs. Shizuki the broad strokes of the current situation, go over w. Mami what you're expecting to talk about -- none of it is anything she's unaware of. If you tackle these separately now, you can spend more time together later, yeah?
    [X] Explain briefly: the masquerade, soul gems (lichbomb + need for grief seeds), Walpurgisnacht, your powers, the expected influx of meguca.
    -[X] Disaster insurance might not be a bad idea.
    [X] Sober up. This is serious, yet good.
    -[X] Step 1: Invite
    --[X] Confirm her suspicions
    --[X] Offer to explain as best as you can.
    --[X] Warn that some topics are sensitive, and why
    -[X] Step 2: Inform
    --[X] Besides the obvious dangers (fighting witches), being a magical girl has hidden dangers, and we want to dissuade Contracts.
    --[X] Segue to Hitomi not being a potential, and explain the first hidden danger: "Grief" is literal.
    ---[X] Subtly apologize to Mami, and explain that you've been planning to tell adults about magic for many reasons, this foremost.
    --[X] Connect the resource-management of Grief to Witches, and the second hidden danger: Scarcity.
    --[X] Lead into our powers (and those of the team)
    --[X] Walpurgisnacht.
    -[X] Step 3: Inspire
    --[X] Discuss what we want to accomplish once the immediate problems are resolved.
    --[X] Make sure to stay away from the Lichbomb, Witchbomb, etc.
    ---[X] ...but try and set up an opportunity to talk with her in a context where we can discuss them (and other heavy topics).
    [x] Yeah, your friend either got eaten, murdered, or suffered literally soul crushing despair.
    [X] Tsuchiya sounds like she was good friend.
    [X] Ask if she has any other reason for bring this up.
    [X] Ask her if we can bring Hitomi in on the conversation
    [X] Answer any questions she has honestly and in detail.
    [X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you. You actually wanted to talk with her, and other adults about this. Particularly girls' parents, once we run it by the girls themselves.
    [X] Explain some of the problems Magical Girls face. Don't sugarcoat it, but don't get too grim about it either. Point out that it's a life that can be brutal, but we're here and we have the ability to start bringing them civilization.
    [X] Explain our goals. Give her the gist of most of it, but focus on aiding other magical girls.
    - [X] Magical girls are often forced to be solitary and when combined with the fact that actual grief creates grief in the gem, it means support networks are more important than ever.
    --[X] We're trying to ensure Hitomi stays involved with her friends for that reason. She can't become a magical girl, but she can be there for her friends.
    [x] Vote in abeyance.
    [X] When you have a moment to yourself, contact Kyuubey and ask about Tsuchiya. If she's still alive, see if he'll tell her Haruka is still alive.
    [x] Mami: Safe, happy.
    [x] Haruka: Informed. Recruited.
    [x] Hitomi: Not pissed off.
    [x] Kyubey: Insulted.
    [x] Look into Hitommy's friend. Probably dead yo, or we'd have heard about her.
 
Some changes, slightly softer approach, In large part because I realized we... aren't actually asking why Haruka is telling us this. Which should go first and necessitates some structural changes. It's probably not perfect yet, but it will do for now.

[jk]Suddenly, inexplicable, become the devil.

[X] Tsuchiya sounds like she was good friend.
[X] Ask if she has any other reason for bring this up.

[X] As nice as having actual magic is, becoming a magical girl requires sacrifices, few of which are explained upfront.
[X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you. You actually wanted to talk with her, and other adults about this. Particularly girls' parents, once we run it by the girls themselves.
- [X] A proper support network is very important to magical girls. Especially emotional support.
--[X] We're trying to ensure Hitomi stays involved with her friends for that reason. She can't become a magical girl, but she can be there for her friends.
[X] Explain our goals, especially as pertains to aiding magical girls.
[X] Explain further as requested.

[x] Vote in abeyance.

[X] When you have a moment, Ask Kyuubey about Tsuchiya Ritsuko's status.

(144 words)
Goals:

Find out why Hitommy was trying to talk to us anyways.
Fill Haruka in on what we're trying to do.
Acquire Haruka's support in building a magical girl support network.
Give her cause to realize that Hitomi is safe without overemphasizing it.
Find out the status of Tsuchiya Ritsuko.
 
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[X] Ask how involved she was in the whole thing. Try to understand how much she knows about stuff without actually revealing the existence of the stuff she doesn't know.
-[X] She confronted us for a reason... Does she just want to know more about this kind of stuff?
-[X] Is she just looking to make sure her daughter is safe? Cuz she totally is! Hardly involved at all beyond just being a friend we can unwind with.

I still like this one
 
- [X] A proper support network is very important to magical girls. Especially emotional support.
--[X] We're trying to ensure Hitomi stays involved with her friends for that reason. She can't become a magical girl, but she can be there for her friends.
[X] Explain our goals, especially as pertains to aiding magical girls.
[X] Explain further as requested.
Eeeeeeeeh, I feel like this and @Onmur are backwards. Don't bank on Haruka failing to think things through; she's not going to have a hard time following from "why is such strong psychological support so important" to "why are they fighting each other" to "why do they need grief seeds so badly" to "what is your plan for surviving the next two months". And that's just for today; we're also going to have to explain why we're asking her to host literal traumatized refugees. Above all, we must convince her that we can manage this; if she gets a chance to think "This isn't a job for teenagers, I'm calling the Kanames and Mikis" we're fucked. And to do that we need to carefully manage the presentation; we have to demonstrate that we understand the whole system and have a concrete and functional plan, and that means that the dynamic has to be that we're explaining to her rather than her pulling information out of us.

TL;DR: If you're going to bring her in, you need to bring her in all the way. We can't do this by half-measures.

[] Responsible adult mode. Present yourself as an equal.

[] Thank her for breaking the ice. It makes this much easier.
[] Gently ask Mami if she wants to leave before you explain.
[] Call Hitomi in; her mom will want emotional support and independent confirmation of your claims.

[] Before you start, express to Mrs. Shizuki that her friend must have been an amazing, wonderful person to have done such a good job protecting her from the reality of the system.

[] Stand up, transform, and deliver your grand plan, context -> obstacles -> solutions. Be the Wulfenbach.

[] Tone: Confident, competent domain expert with knowledge and a plan. The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.
[] Vocabulary: Technical, clinical. Haruka needs to be responding intellectually, not emotionally, and we need to present ourselves as deeply understanding a complex field.
[] Pacing: Maintain momentum but don't overwhelm her. You can handle clarifications, but a full derail would prevent you from getting to the all-important solutions.

[] Explain the challenges you face: Grief costs+accumulation -> Cleansing -> Grief seeds -> Shortages -> Conflict -> Suffering. Malthusian catastrophes, races to the bottom, actuarial curves, and the fucking rat making sure that nothing ever improves.

[] Explain your solutions, small to large: Your power and your idealism. The Don't-Make-A-Wish foundation. Psych support. Reading in the parents, building out an organization. Cleansing distribution. Post-scarcity and a new world for magical girls.

[] Conclude with a message of hope and determination.
-[] Quote Madoka, just because you can.

Now I just need to pare that down into something that fits inside the word limit.
 
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I still relevant?

(Hot diggity this is a lot of words about a magical girl quest. Nice work.)
 
I love having a minion
Adhoc vote count started by kinigget on Sep 20, 2017 at 3:42 PM, finished with 125073 posts and 21 votes.

  • [X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you.
    -[X] Tell her Hitomi won't become a Magical Girl, nor see any fighting.
    [X] Telepathy Nadia asking about Tsuchiya Ritsuko.
    [X] Ask Mrs. Shizuki more about her experience and try to fill in the blanks, including all the problems Magical Girls usually have to deal with.
    -[X] Briefy explain your unique Wish and that you plan to change things for the better.
    [X] Tell her you actually wanted to have this talk with her and the other parents.
    -[X] Ask for help, using the Shiogama girls' situation as an example of the kind of help you need.
    [X] Tsuchiya sounds like she was good friend.
    [X] Ask if she has any other reason for bring this up.
    [X] As nice as having actual magic is, becoming a magical girl requires sacrifices, few of which are explained upfront.
    [X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you. You actually wanted to talk with her, and other adults about this. Particularly girls' parents, once we run it by the girls themselves.
    - [X] A proper support network is very important to magical girls. Especially emotional support.
    --[X] We're trying to ensure Hitomi stays involved with her friends for that reason. She can't become a magical girl, but she can be there for her friends.
    [X] Explain our goals, especially as pertains to aiding magical girls.
    [X]Explain further as requested.
    [x] Vote in abeyance.
    [X] When you have a moment, Ask Kyuubey about Tsuchiya Ritsuko's status.
    [X] Vebyast
    [X] Ask how involved she was in the whole thing. Try to understand how much she knows about stuff without actually revealing the existence of the stuff she doesn't know.
    -[X] She confronted us for a reason... Does she just want to know more about this kind of stuff?
    -[X] Is she just looking to make sure her daughter is safe? Cuz she totally is! Hardly involved at all beyond just being a friend we can unwind with.
    [X] Offer your condolences. Tsuchiya Ritsuko is almost certainly dead, or she would be famous by now for living so long.
    -[X] As far as we know, Hitomi is not a potential. The only reason we've involved her at all has been to prevent exactly what was just described.
    [X] Mami has homework, ask if Mrs. Shizuki is opposed to the content of the conversation so far being "public" so Mami has a response to "what was that about?" You'd like to give Mrs. Shizuki the broad strokes of the current situation, go over w. Mami what you're expecting to talk about -- none of it is anything she's unaware of.
    [X] Explain briefly: the masquerade, soul gems (lichbomb + need for grief seeds), Walpurgisnacht, your powers, the expected influx of meguca.
    -[X] Disaster insurance might not be a bad idea.
    [X] Sober up. This is serious, yet good.
    -[X] Step 1: Invite
    --[X] Confirm her suspicions
    --[X] Offer to explain as best as you can.
    --[X] Warn that some topics are sensitive, and why
    -[X] Step 2: Inform
    --[X] Besides the obvious dangers (fighting witches), being a magical girl has hidden dangers, and we want to dissuade Contracts.
    --[X] Segue to Hitomi not being a potential, and explain the first hidden danger: "Grief" is literal.
    ---[X] Subtly apologize to Mami, and explain that you've been planning to tell adults about magic for many reasons, this foremost.
    --[X] Connect the resource-management of Grief to Witches, and the second hidden danger: Scarcity.
    --[X] Lead into our powers (and those of the team)
    --[X] Walpurgisnacht.
    -[X] Step 3: Inspire
    --[X] Discuss what we want to accomplish once the immediate problems are resolved.
    --[X] Make sure to stay away from the Lichbomb, Witchbomb, etc.
    ---[X] ...but try and set up an opportunity to talk with her in a context where we can discuss them (and other heavy topics).
    [X]Not seeing Kyuubey is probably for the best. As nice as having actual magic is, becoming a magical girl requires sacrifices, few of which are explained upfront.
    [X] Thank Mrs. Shizuki for sharing this with you. You actually wanted to talk with her, and other adults about this. Particularly girls' parents, once we run it by the girls themselves.
    - [X] Proper emotional support is very important to magical girls.
    - [X] Explain our goals: We're trying to change the system completely. Until then, we're trying to keep other girls out of this life, and help those who are stuck in it.
    [X] Hitomi doesn't appear to have the potential to become a magical girl. We've been trying to ensure she and her friends don't fall out of touch over it.
    [X]Explain further as requested.
    [x] Vote in abeyance.
    [X] When you have a moment, Ask Kyuubey about Tsuchiya Ritsuko's status.
    [x] Yeah, your friend either got eaten, murdered, or suffered literally soul crushing despair.
    [X] Klnigget
 
Unless I see something I like better,
[x] Kinigget

It's concise and general enough to cover things and not get entirely derailed by Haruka being a human we're having a conversation with. Big plans are fine when we're flying solo; not so much when we're rolling opposed wits+manipulation.
 
My problem with the other plans is that none of them have actual situational awareness. Sabrina's brain damage kicking in again.

We came over to Hitomi's to hang out & do homework. Hitommy tells us she's aware that we're magical girls, she seems almost amused by the situation, and you guys go from "Time to unwind" to "THE WORLD IS ENDING, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE but maybe not cuz I'm pretty strong but still."

This does not have to become another dramatic, emotional scene where half the girls are crying by the end of it. Why are you so insistent on turning it into one at the first chance you get?
 
This does not have to become another dramatic, emotional scene where half the girls are crying by the end of it. Why are you so insistent on turning it into one at the first chance you get?
You mean you don't enjoy highly emotional scenes where we tear down our friends world view and reduce them to sobbing wrecks? What are you, some kind of reasonable person or something?
 
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Eeeeeeeeh, I feel like this and @Onmur are backwards. Don't bank on Haruka failing to think things through; she's not going to have a hard time following from "why is such strong psychological support so important" to "why are they fighting each other" to "why do they need grief seeds so badly" to "what is your plan for surviving the next two months". And that's just for today; we're also going to have to explain why we're asking her to host literal traumatized refugees. Above all, we must convince her that we can manage this; if she gets a chance to think "This isn't a job for teenagers, I'm calling the Kanames and Mikis" we're fucked. And to do that we need to carefully manage the presentation; we have to demonstrate that we understand the whole system and have a concrete and functional plan, and that means that the dynamic has to be that we're explaining to her rather than her pulling information out of us.

TL;DR: If you're going to bring her in, you need to bring her in all the way. We can't do this by half-measures.

[] Responsible adult mode. Present yourself as an equal.

[] Thank her for breaking the ice. It makes this much easier.
[] Gently ask Mami if she wants to leave before you explain.
[] Call Hitomi in; her mom will want emotional support and independent confirmation of your claims.

[] Before you start, express to Mrs. Shizuki that her friend must have been an amazing, wonderful person to have done such a good job protecting her from the reality of the system.

[] Stand up, transform, and deliver your grand plan, context -> obstacles -> solutions. Be the Wulfenbach.

[] Tone: Confident, competent domain expert with knowledge and a plan. The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.
[] Vocabulary: Technical, clinical. Haruka needs to be responding intellectually, not emotionally, and we need to present ourselves as deeply understanding a complex field.
[] Pacing: Maintain momentum but don't overwhelm her. You can handle clarifications, but a full derail would prevent you from getting to the all-important solutions.

[] Explain the challenges you face: Grief costs+accumulation -> Cleansing -> Grief seeds -> Shortages -> Conflict -> Suffering. Malthusian catastrophes, races to the bottom, actuarial curves, and the fucking rat making sure that nothing ever improves.

[] Explain your solutions, small to large: Your power and your idealism. The Don't-Make-A-Wish foundation. Psych support. Reading in the parents, building out an organization. Cleansing distribution. Post-scarcity and a new world for magical girls.

[] Conclude with a message of hope and determination.
-[] Quote Madoka, just because you can.

Now I just need to pare that down into something that fits inside the word limit.
Points:
I don't think it's either myself or Onmur is deliberately trying to keep Mrs. Shizuki in the dark here.

Going Gilgamesh Wulfenbach means bowling over everyone else. That's not something to be chased. There are exceptions to that, but this time and place isn't one of them. For all we're dealing with someone who, by all appearances, was on the outskirts of the magical girl situation, both involvement and information wise, Haruka Shizuki is an adult and, from what I can glean her tone, I'm guessing she sees herself as our social superior in this situation. Explaining everything might work if she was in a deferential mood, but I don't think she is.

Asking Mami to leave in this circumstance is basically the equivalent of shoeing the kids out of the room. Completely disregarding how it looks to Mami, It can be taken as rude, condescending, or disrespectful.

I think you're doing too much, too fast. For all you're talking about pacing within the vote, that's not present in the structure of it. This is a massive infodump all in one sitting. It would work better when geared towards someone who is already versed in everything we're trying to convey.

This is tone rather than points, and so the most likely thing to be discarded in translation, but you are massively overselling everything. Everything here sounds like it's of absolute paramount importance. Coming from someone who's earned your respect and deference that means something. Coming from a stray teenager who wandered into your house one day it's weird.

The Incubator may be a bastard, but deliberately trying to turn someone against someone via insult alone is not good optics. I note however that I am absolutely projecting here. People badmouthing people I don't have an opinion on makes me think less of the speaker so I naturally run what I expect the views of others will be through the same process. That said, I think this is a point where this particular bit of projection is a useful possibility to consider, since we've only just met Haruka and don't have her character down 100%.

In summary: I think you're trying to win a decisive victory in the battle, but doing so in a way that could cost you the war if any of your assumptions are off.
 
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