It happened on a cold saturday morning.
A slight wisp of a girl walked gloomily down the sidestreets, sighing to herself for the nth time.
Useless.
A ring sporting hand rubbed at dry eyes without need, as by habit. Those eyes were had long since dried up.
A punishing cold breeze had the girl hugging herself for warmth, her thin shirt and skirt doing little to protect her from the elements. She could've ran back home, she thought, changed into something warmer, but she'd probably run into- no, the cold was her punishment for running off without stopping to check the weather. She deserved it.
Murmurs reached her ears, fuzzy, distant, as if coming from underwater, or rather, the opposite-
She pushed up and up through the dark water crushing her from all sides, bubbles explode from her as they pushed down and down and jeered-
A buzzing in her ears died down and she stood alone. The girl's head rose for a second, contemplating the open school gates. Hesitating.
"I failed," she repeated.
"Again."
Her head dropped. She couldn't stand to look into those eyes, showing no trace of anger, not even disappointment. Not anymore.
They only told her what she already knew.
Useless.
Ahead, more punishment, which she deserved. Behind, guilt which wouldn't wash off.
She turned around, walked away, hating the fact they would know as soon as the school called, hating that they wouldn't care.
She knew, somewhere, she was making it worse, but in her heart she felt as if she couldn't sink any lower. Stuck between bad choices, she chose to hate herself, alone.
The girl froze mid step, teeth clenched in pain. She only half-acknowledged her feet had brought her into an alleyway as she brought up her hand, allowing her silver ring to flash and transform.
An dark, egg shaped Gem stood on her palm, its dull, maroon shine obscured by sickly gouts of black and green mist.
She rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, again, as much as they burned, no more tears slipped free from them.
The poor, cold, trembling girl clenched her Soul Gem with both hands, holding it to her mouth.
"I should take care of you, at least," she whispered to her soul, "you're wrong, but I can't let you hurt anybody else..."
You don't deserve to.
She uncupped her hands, staring at the Gem. If she looked closely, she could swear it shone a little brighter...
"Geez, that looks bad."
She jumped, fright shooting her nerves as she spun and drew her Soul Gem close together protectively.
"Easy!" yelled a blue haired girl, raising her hands-
An eep! escaped the thin girl's lips as she backed away from the sudden intruder who wasn't there a second earlier, or maybe she was and she hadn't seen her because she was dumb and useless like that, and she backpedaled back back back-
Crashed against something soft and-
Big, strong hand gripping down her shoulder, crushing-
She shrieked and elbowed something and leaped aside, stumbling, barely catching herself, a hand on the wall and her heart beating a mile a second.
Her shaking eyes made out two girls, the blue one and another one, also blue eyed, but taller, with white hair.
Both girls leaned back, showing their hands and smiling as if... trying to calm down a rabid animal.
Her stomach twisted as if trying to choke her from inside.
Slowly, the thin girl willed her shaking breath to slow down, her dark eyes flickering between both the blue eyed girls, noting their rings.
Ah. Her teeth clenched.
I should just leave.
She half turned, knowing what was coming, not wanting to face the disappointment again, but something kept her rooted in place.
Fear? Hope? If only she could kick herself.
"Ah, hello?"
Different voice from earlier, spoke up the tall -shit, really tall- girl, smiling at her kindly... too kindly, she couldn't stand it, she had to avert her eyes! Nobody should look at her with so much warmth.
As if they cared.
"I'm Sabrina," the girl went on, unaware of, or perhaps politely ignoring, the gloomy girl's internal self-flagellation. Then she blinked, as if struck by a sudden thought. "... Vee Sabrina, but you can call me Sabrina, and my friend here is Sayaka."
"Miki Sayaka, sorry for startling you," said girl smiled apologetically, rubbing at the back of her head.
Two sets of blue eyes bore down on her, expectantly.
"Ah- I'm..." deeply instilled manners took for a fraction of a moment, before she looked back down. "It doesn't matter..." she murmured, more to herself than to anyone else.
Sabrina and Sayaka shared a glance.
The girl's eyes flew open, startled. "Ah, wait! I- I hit you, didn't I?" she cringed, staring at Sabrina. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she bowed again and again, cursing herself over the foreign looking girl's empty reassurances that she was fine.
One time someone looked at her with kindness, and the first thing she did was hit them.
Useless.
"Really, it's fine," insisted the tall girl, still smiling.
"Yeah, I've hit her harder than that," contributed the blue haired one, Sayaka.
Ah, why was she bothering learning their names? Better she didn't, it wouldn't have mattered in a matter of minutes...
Incredulous looks, half hearted jokes, dawning realization, parting ways, wondering how was she still alive...
Better... better speed things up. If she told herself that, it was easier to stand tall and face them. Just speed things along, towards the inevitable outcome.
So she did.
"Excuse my behavior," she snapped, back straight, "may I ask what do you want from me?"
Both girls seemed taken aback at her sudden change. Stomping down on a chaotic ball of nervousness, she stared pointedly at each girl's hands, or rather, at the silver rings they wore.
"Right, wait, your Gem!" Sayaka, no, the blue one yelled. "You need-"
"Cleansing, I know," the dark haired girl scoffed, "nothing new, don't worry about it. Not worth it," she added and regretted it immediately.
Pity flashed across the other girl's blue eyes, making her want nothing more than to look away. She gave her best glare instead.
"I was about to go take care of this, so if you'll excuse me-"
"Please, hear us out before you go?" asked Sa- the taller one. "Just give us a minute of your time, we can cleanse your Gem in exchange?"
"I don't-" deserve "-need your charity," she snarled, wishing she could actually turn around and walk away.
"Hey," the blue one pitched in, "we can help-"
"Save it."
"Please, just-"
"I don't-"
"She can cleanse Soul Gems!" snapped Sayaka, pointing at her friend.
The thin girl blinked, the words not quite processing in her mind. Once they did, she felt all other feeling, all anger, annoyance, guilt, shrink back to leave one thought in her mind.
Unfair.
"It's true," nodded the tall girl, still holding onto that infuriating smile, "if I may demonstrate?" a subdued flash of light had her white Soul Gem stand on her palm, shining strongly, almost indecently clean.
The next thought that ran through the girl's mind was that it couldn't be true, but, then... she just nodded, eyes flickering between her own, murky Soul Gem -held protectively- and Sabrina's own -proudly displayed.
A theatrical nod and a swipe of Sabrina's hand-
Grief.
The girl flinched at the nauseous, familiar feeling, eyes boggling, following the trail of dark miasma, before snapping back to the white Gem.
It was completely, absolutely clean.
"Unfair..." she whispered, shaking her head, "you... you can do that?!" she snapped, only to ignore the humble nods she got in answer, "you- you...! You could help people, you could make a difference! Out there, you, you could..."
A sense of dreadful, dawning realization crawled its way down her spine.
"You're... here to help me."
"That's right," both blue eyed girls nodded, confirming her fear.
"No, no... just for m-me? No-no, y-you can't..." that was as far as her coherence reached, a stream of inarticulate denials spilled from her mouth as she backed away from the magical girls who clearly were too good to be in her presence...
"Excuse me," the tall girl took a firm step forward and motioned towards her, before drawing back her hand-
She gasped, a feeling of lightness filling her as opposed to the weariness that flowed out of her shoulders, or rather, her Soul Gem...
The girl held her head with one hand.
Clear.
Her mind felt clear, for the first time in how long?
So of course, the first thing she though...
"I can't repay you for this."
Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Of course, miraculous cheating powers or not, getting her Soul Gem clean didn't erase the past fourteen years of her life.
She knew her parents wanted to have a boy. Well, fuck them. She lived to disappoint.
... But, maybe... she looked up at the two girls, who regarded her as someone would regard an armed bomb -ha!
Maybe she could make an effort, even if she would disappoint them in the end.
"I'm sorry," she bowed just once, "I've been rude, could we start over?"
"Of course!"
"... So you're just out to... help... everyone?"
"Pretty much."
The girl looked down at her half eaten burger. Sabrina, by comparison, had already cleaned her plate, while Sayaka hadn't ordered anything.
"That sounds... great," she bit out.
"Well," Sabrina shrugged humbly, "I wished I could help the magical girls I could reach, at least."
"Yeah," snorted Sayaka, "and you're reaching all across Japan already. Soon, the world."
"That's... a tall order," the girl put down her burguer, her arms feeling heavy all of a sudden. "You... you need a lot of help, if you really want to help everyone, huh?"
Her lips spread into a sardonic smile. Finally.
"You're wasting your time," she explained, "I can't help you. At all."
"That's fine," Sabrina made a waving motion, as if she could dispel the thin girl's sheer uselessness with a thought. Now that'd be a miracle. "I'm happy to be able to help, you know?"
That called for her to nod along, shut up, and let it be. Just be a good little charity case, take the girls' offer they had made and insisted on a few times -a Grief Seed that could last decades!- and let them forget about her.
"It sucks, though," so of course she spoke up, "I wish I could repay you in any way, but I'm just... useless."
There, she said it. If only it made her feel something.
"I know how that feels," grumbled Sayaka.
"Really?" she scoffed. "Aren't you on a quest to save the world, or something? What would you know?"
"Hey," cut in Sabrina, covering for a frowning Sayaka. "There's no need, if you want to help, I'm sure you could do something. Say, do you know other magical girls you could introduce us to?"
"Nope, I've got no friends." She didn't sound bitter. At all. Really. "Before you ask, I've no useful skills, no friends, not even useful magical powers, not even for combat," she shrugged.
"That... doesn't sound right," blinked Sayaka, "if nothing else, all magical girls get powers that let them fight Witches, right?"
Sabrina nodded.
The thing girl scoffed. "Well, I managed to fuck up even that. With my Wish. Do you want to know what my power is?" she grumbled, challenging them to ask.
Of course, they bit.
"My power..." she drawled... "is to explode."
The blue eyed girls blinked.
"To make things explode?"
"To explode Witches?"
"If only," she rolled her eyes. "But no, that would be useful, while I'm, my power? Completely useless, see," she went on, building up a rant, "I got this amazingly -useless- power to explode myself, because I made an extremely stupid Wish and- well, not to go into details, but I can basically detonate parts of my body. If I want to kill a Witch? Throw a finger at it and..."
"... Geez," whispered Sayaka.
Sabrina picked up her jaw. "And healing back up afterwards...?"
The dark haired girl grimaced.
"Aw, well, I'm all the gladder to have found you..."
"... I wish I could help. I don't wanna be a charity case..."
Sabrina's eyes lit up suddenly.
"Well, you know, Sayaka here can copy magical girl powers..."
"Do you want to kill your friend?!" snapped the thin girl.
"No, no, see..."
"I'm a clone," explained the blue haired girl.
"... What."
"I'm a clone. I copied a girl who can make clones, so I'm actually at school right now."
"So what you're saying..."
"What I'm saying..."
"Exploding clones!" breathed Sabrina, a far away look in her eyes. Then, slowly, she turned to Sayaka.
"Don't say it," muttered the blue haired girl.
"My cute little kouhai is totally a Naruto ninja."
"Ugh... eh?"
Sayaka found her hand firmly clasped by that of the girl with exploding powers.
... When she put it that way, it was kind of terrifying. Even if she was a clone.
"Copy me."
"Are you-"
"Copy me," she insisted.
Finally. Finally, she'd get to do something useful!"
"I mean," she blinked, "you could use my power, right?"
"Uh, yeah, how big can you explode?" asked Sayaka, feeling weird.
"Pretty sure I could level a few blocks- O-of course I wouldn't, though!" she added quickly, glaring at the two girls as if daring them to doubt her.
Sabrina hummed. "Hey Sayaka, how many clones did you say you could use at the same time?"
"Last I tried, twelve?"
"Copy her."
"But I still haven't explained-"
"Copy me."
"Walpurgisnacht isn't gonna kill herself, copy, copy!"
"OK, geez! I get it! Copying!"
"..."
"... Is it done?"
"A-yup! Uh..."
Sayaka made a motion with her hand... then stared at her palm.
"Did you say 'a few blocks'...?" she gulped.
"Yeah? I mean, I haven't tried, why?"
Rather than answering, the copied showed what she was holding.
A Gem. Very similar to the exploding girl's Soul Gem, except yellow instead of blue.
And just like her Gem in its transformed state, it showed a peculiar design. The circular crystal and the gilding came together to form a ionizing radiation symbol, the sort that was associated with...
"You're a nuke," said Sabrina.
"Useless power," she shrugged.
But the tall girl shook her head. "You know, I've got a friend I'd like you to meet..."
"Wait," cut in Sayaka, "Homura? She would store her in her Shield- probably, I mean, can she do that?"
"I don't know," complained Sabrina, "she never tries, no matter how many times I ask."
"Have you asked her that?" Sayaka raised an eyebrow.
"Well, not in- you know, the metaknowledge..."
That was the point the thin, exploding girl sat down, accepted the conversation had quickly spiralled outside her comprehension, and went back to eating her half finished, cold burguer.
It tasted great. Well, not really. What tasted great was the feelings of finally feeling she had contributed something. To someone.
Not useless.
