Vebyast
Nascent Transhuman
Say what two is. People on mobile cannot be going back and looking for your essays. Hell, it's not threadmarked, so finding it is a PITA even on desktop.
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Puella Magi Adfligo Systema
- Thread starter Firnagzen
- Start date
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- puella magi adfligo systema puella magi madoka magica be gay do crimes (gay) female protagonist bad decisions dating mami tomoe (tomoe mami) diabolical laughter friendship is the best ship handholding identity crises microwaving tea gets you put in the bad place names are important the body is the fursona of the soul this is not the baked goods thread we don't talk about rionna what could possibly go wrong? who in the world is azure sanfrancisco?
True enough, though for the sake of keeping the argument forward this time I'll post the relevant parts of Kaizuki's post.
And about solving it s/he proposed that:
@Kaizuki next time please add a link to your post.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
Hm. I think I could put my idea here in three four five six lines.
[] Comfort Homura.
[] Empathy: Ask how she's feeling, what she's thinking about.
-[] Help with leading questions. Try to get Homura to share her feelings.
-[] Acknowledge her pain.
[] Try to reinforce the positive ideas she's held, such as that she won't have failed until she gives up;everything will work out this time. Comfort her when that's not possible.
-[] You can't erase the pain she and Madoka have gone through, but you can promise Madoka wouldn't have had it any other way.
[] Comfort Homura.
[] Empathy: Ask how she's feeling, what she's thinking about.
-[] Help with leading questions. Try to get Homura to share her feelings.
-[] Acknowledge her pain.
[] Try to reinforce the positive ideas she's held, such as that she won't have failed until she gives up;everything will work out this time. Comfort her when that's not possible.
-[] You can't erase the pain she and Madoka have gone through, but you can promise Madoka wouldn't have had it any other way.
- Location
- Illinois
Reference.
Okay. A couple points.
We can never raise Slider. You could put it out as "these Madokas were doomed either way" but all it will do is make it perfectly goddamn clear to Homura that she failed completely to save not just all of those Madokas but her Madoka/s. The ones that fucking asked her to save them. It'll break her in half just as surely as a potential-bomb apparently will, drop the floor out of under us and put us in a death spiral that we'll have to frantically try to pull out of to avoid bad-ending the quest.
Seriously, fuck slider. I wish that trash wasn't canon.
I would love to outright lie and work as though it's really time travel -- but we cannot afford to do that and that is another point. Whatever we do, we must not lie to Akemi Homura. If we are seen to truly betray her in any way it will be as bad as a potential-bomb or worse, and lying to her -- a lie of commission -- it would be... No. Oriko 2.0 and her only real friend. Don't even consider it. Lies of omission are actually a lot more tolerable depending on their content, because "why didn't you tell me about slider/potentialbomb/etc" can be replied to with "would you tell Mami about witches? same reason."
Third... we have to manufacture two in some fashion. We have to at least try. It is literally the only thing that can possibly help with... well, I'd like to think that this update has dispelled any doubts anyone may have had about "Regardless of what Madoka thinks of her actions, Homura hates herself because she believes that her actions have inflicted pain on Madoka." It's... well, it's worse than that, too, in some ways, because Homura believes, again, that her being a good-for-nothing makes her responsible for Madoka's pain due to her inability to save Madoka. She cannot succeed, therefore she is responsible for the consequences of her failure -- it's not a mindset any of us hold to, or one we would tell anyone else to hold to, but it is one Homura has adopted.
The only thing I can think of is to alter the original plan and continue with it. Not because it's guaranteed to succeed, but because it has been and remains the best avenue open to us.
We can't do it flawlessly. It's... I won't call it a shade of its former self, but certainly it's lost a couple limbs.
But it's something.
It means that Homura's actions have had value. That she isn't, hasn't been useless. Not entirely.
It's a start.
*breaths in, breaths out*
Okay. This is going to be a starting point.
[X] Homura is missing a couple of things.
-[X] The consequences of Walpurgisnacht not being stopped are too horrible for Madoka to accept, and it would have been objectively impossible to ever stop it absent Homura's actions.
-[X] Ask Homura to hear you out on this next bit.
--[X] The events through which Homura's actions created a scenario where Walpurgis can be stopped weren't something Madoka asked her to prevent, nor were Homura's actions in those events unacceptable to Madoka.
---[X] Probably break after the reaction here to address Homura's response
-[X] You will never accept Homura's belief that she has truly hurt Madoka. Homura's actions resulted in a future that does not involve everyone and everything Madoka knows and loves being destroyed by Walpurgisnacht. If a person is dying of a cancer, is it hurting them to excise the cancer when it results in their survival and happiness?
149 words
Now I swear I'm out really I mean it this time ><
Okay. A couple points.
We can never raise Slider. You could put it out as "these Madokas were doomed either way" but all it will do is make it perfectly goddamn clear to Homura that she failed completely to save not just all of those Madokas but her Madoka/s. The ones that fucking asked her to save them. It'll break her in half just as surely as a potential-bomb apparently will, drop the floor out of under us and put us in a death spiral that we'll have to frantically try to pull out of to avoid bad-ending the quest.
Seriously, fuck slider. I wish that trash wasn't canon.
I would love to outright lie and work as though it's really time travel -- but we cannot afford to do that and that is another point. Whatever we do, we must not lie to Akemi Homura. If we are seen to truly betray her in any way it will be as bad as a potential-bomb or worse, and lying to her -- a lie of commission -- it would be... No. Oriko 2.0 and her only real friend. Don't even consider it. Lies of omission are actually a lot more tolerable depending on their content, because "why didn't you tell me about slider/potentialbomb/etc" can be replied to with "would you tell Mami about witches? same reason."
Third... we have to manufacture two in some fashion. We have to at least try. It is literally the only thing that can possibly help with... well, I'd like to think that this update has dispelled any doubts anyone may have had about "Regardless of what Madoka thinks of her actions, Homura hates herself because she believes that her actions have inflicted pain on Madoka." It's... well, it's worse than that, too, in some ways, because Homura believes, again, that her being a good-for-nothing makes her responsible for Madoka's pain due to her inability to save Madoka. She cannot succeed, therefore she is responsible for the consequences of her failure -- it's not a mindset any of us hold to, or one we would tell anyone else to hold to, but it is one Homura has adopted.
The only thing I can think of is to alter the original plan and continue with it. Not because it's guaranteed to succeed, but because it has been and remains the best avenue open to us.
We can't do it flawlessly. It's... I won't call it a shade of its former self, but certainly it's lost a couple limbs.
But it's something.
It means that Homura's actions have had value. That she isn't, hasn't been useless. Not entirely.
It's a start.
*breaths in, breaths out*
Okay. This is going to be a starting point.
[X] Homura is missing a couple of things.
-[X] The consequences of Walpurgisnacht not being stopped are too horrible for Madoka to accept, and it would have been objectively impossible to ever stop it absent Homura's actions.
-[X] Ask Homura to hear you out on this next bit.
--[X] The events through which Homura's actions created a scenario where Walpurgis can be stopped weren't something Madoka asked her to prevent, nor were Homura's actions in those events unacceptable to Madoka.
---[X] Probably break after the reaction here to address Homura's response
-[X] You will never accept Homura's belief that she has truly hurt Madoka. Homura's actions resulted in a future that does not involve everyone and everything Madoka knows and loves being destroyed by Walpurgisnacht. If a person is dying of a cancer, is it hurting them to excise the cancer when it results in their survival and happiness?
149 words
Now I swear I'm out really I mean it this time ><
When I saw "dismis" instead of "dismiss" I had to go over it all again just to see if, despite the eloquence, it's still full of intentional misspellings. I'm kind of disappointed it isn't.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
I don't think we can just go on, not while Homu is stuck on this.
So I want to make sure to take a moment to comfort Homura, acknowledge her feelings, and ask if she could share anything she's thinking with us, before trying to move on, before arguing that she's not the one hurting Madoka.
Point: Homura is not the one hurting Madoka. Homura's the one giving Madoka hope. (It's never wrong to hope).
Point: Madoka wants to be Homura's friend so desperately, her feelings travel across timelines. That's proof enough Madoka doesn't blame Homura.
-
Comfort part of vote
[X] Brinapilot: Stop if Homura doesn't react well.
[X] Comfort Homura.
[X] Ask, try and get her to share her thoughts, her feelings. Don't push.
-[X] Empathize as best you can. Acknowledge her pain.
[X] Reassure. She hasn't failed as long as she doesn't give up.
-
'It's not Homura's fault' part of vote.
[X] Ask Homura to hear you out.
[X] You can't erase the pain she and Madoka have gone through, but you can promise, Madoka wouldn't.
-[X] Madoka wouldn't settle for a future in which everyone couldn't be saved.
[X] Even if she hasn't won yet, Homura is the one who gives Madoka hope; without her, there's no chance to stop Walpurgisnacht.
-[X] It's never wrong to hope.
[X] You don't believe Homura is the one hurting Madoka. Again, Homura is the one who gives Madoka hope.
-[X] If Madoka felt Homura was hurting her, she wouldn't trust her implicitly, she wouldn't want to be her friend so desperately, her feelings make it across timelines.
So I want to make sure to take a moment to comfort Homura, acknowledge her feelings, and ask if she could share anything she's thinking with us, before trying to move on, before arguing that she's not the one hurting Madoka.
Point: Homura is not the one hurting Madoka. Homura's the one giving Madoka hope. (It's never wrong to hope).
Point: Madoka wants to be Homura's friend so desperately, her feelings travel across timelines. That's proof enough Madoka doesn't blame Homura.
-
Comfort part of vote
[X] Brinapilot: Stop if Homura doesn't react well.
[X] Comfort Homura.
[X] Ask, try and get her to share her thoughts, her feelings. Don't push.
-[X] Empathize as best you can. Acknowledge her pain.
[X] Reassure. She hasn't failed as long as she doesn't give up.
-
'It's not Homura's fault' part of vote.
[X] Ask Homura to hear you out.
[X] You can't erase the pain she and Madoka have gone through, but you can promise, Madoka wouldn't.
-[X] Madoka wouldn't settle for a future in which everyone couldn't be saved.
[X] Even if she hasn't won yet, Homura is the one who gives Madoka hope; without her, there's no chance to stop Walpurgisnacht.
-[X] It's never wrong to hope.
[X] You don't believe Homura is the one hurting Madoka. Again, Homura is the one who gives Madoka hope.
-[X] If Madoka felt Homura was hurting her, she wouldn't trust her implicitly, she wouldn't want to be her friend so desperately, her feelings make it across timelines.
Vebyast
Nascent Transhuman
It sounds like what you're saying is something like this:
- Homura feels that the loops are hurting Madoka and that she's being selfish by continuing.
- We need to convince Homura that her effort has been valuable:
- We need to convince Homura that Madoka is better off for her efforts.
- We need to convince Homura that she's been making progress.
If so, what does your vote do that my vote is missing?
[X] Keep being empathyBrina.
-[x] Take care to keep Homura open and communicating.
-[x] Take your time, give Homura however long she needs.
Obvious stuff, copy-pasted from last vote.
[x] Long-term goal: Help Homura recover self-worth by helping her believe that the loops have not failed. In particular:
-[x] Progress was being made on "not being tricked" with every loop, and her Wish last loop was sufficiently well informed.
-[x] Madoka was better off with Homura there, even if Homura wasn't perfectly successful immediately.
Copy-paste from last vote, with a slight tweak at the front to give even higher-level direction.
[x] Potentially useful points for Brinapilot to deploy as appropriate:
-[x] If Homura had been hurting people, Madoka would have done something about it. She didn't, so she must not think that Homura is hurting people.
Keep going on this one.
-[x] If your knowledge is correct, Madoka asked Homura to go back so everyone didn't end up that way. Madoka wouldn't have asked Homura to hurt people.
Kai points this out as being useful.
-[x] If anything, Homura was giving Madoka hope.
Stealing this from Onmur, it's good.
-[x] Homura may not have yet succeeded, but she got everyone here, and that means that Everything Can Be Fixed. Even if Homura had been causing suffering, which you doubt, it can be fixed now, everything will be okay.
Pull out the "best of all worlds" argument again, since it's a fully general argument counterargument and we need to cheat as much as we can.
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GiftOfLove
From the Heart
I mean, without Homura, Madoka would just straight up be dead right now.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
The problem is that Homura's thinking Madoka might be better off dead than suffering because of her.
GiftOfLove
From the Heart
I 100% doubt that.
Do you have a quote? Because I must have missed that.
Raiseth
I Find Your Lack of Memes Disturbing
- Location
- Russia
True. That's Kai's assessment, not canon.
Still, Kaizuki did say many interesting things, and many of them do check out.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
What do you read from Homura's insistence that Madoka's wrong to trust her, that she's failed, and only hurting Madoka?
GiftOfLove
From the Heart
That she thinks she's a failure who can't help Madoka no matter how hard she tries. That Sabrina breezing in and pulling it all off with seemingly no trouble is only making her self-esteem even worse, because clearly literally some random person she found on the street is better at this than she is.
Pretty much what she said, isn't it? When Homura tries, she just gets to watch Madoka and her friends suffer in new and horrifying ways. When Sabrina does it, everyone is happy and safe.
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That Homura's self-hatred overrides her thinking process.
OctarineShrike
Avatar of Mandos
[]And without your help, I would have been as bad as you think you are, if not worse.
-[]Pause
-[]I'm as subtle as a truck. They wouldn't let a mysterious amnesiac who doesnt officially exist in a school. Best I could have done without you would be to gamble on her being able to make a wish like mine. I would have needed to use clear seeds as serious bargaining chips instead of just handing them out like candy for lack of funds.
-[]Pause
-[]I'm as subtle as a truck. They wouldn't let a mysterious amnesiac who doesnt officially exist in a school. Best I could have done without you would be to gamble on her being able to make a wish like mine. I would have needed to use clear seeds as serious bargaining chips instead of just handing them out like candy for lack of funds.
- Location
- Canada
I think it's important to point out that Sabrina is not invincible, infallible or incorruptible. So far, her influence has made a huge difference to everyone she's come across but she's still made some pretty poor decisions and has big secrets that without a doubt will come out down the line (Witchbomb). Homura has also warned her before that spreading herself too thin and trying to save everyone could come back to get her someday... I think both out of actual concern and jealousy that Sabrina has been able to do so easily what she couldn't.
Galadriel's line of "The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all." really holds true to PMAS for me. There's so much that could go wrong at any moment to the point I can actually get nervous reading a new update. And Sabrina's canon knowledge might not help much when she's already changed so much as to make what she knows almost useless.
(I wrote a Bad End dealing with the fallout of that but posted it elsewhere because a) didn't want to clutter this thread with Failure!Sabrina and b) didn't feel it was appropriate because it's an ending and not a snippet)
Just take a moment to think of all that Homu's been though. All the loops, each and every one that failed. And unlike Sabrina, she's actually lived through them and doesn't merely have secondhand cosmic knowledge. She's tried many different things (especially if you take stuff like the PSP game into account) and it hardly made any difference. And then along comes Sabrina, who has done more in the short time she's been alive than Homu has done in around twelve years.
So personally, I think Homura is both jealous and also in fear that something will go wrong at some point. Not if, but when.
Galadriel's line of "The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all." really holds true to PMAS for me. There's so much that could go wrong at any moment to the point I can actually get nervous reading a new update. And Sabrina's canon knowledge might not help much when she's already changed so much as to make what she knows almost useless.
(I wrote a Bad End dealing with the fallout of that but posted it elsewhere because a) didn't want to clutter this thread with Failure!Sabrina and b) didn't feel it was appropriate because it's an ending and not a snippet)
Just take a moment to think of all that Homu's been though. All the loops, each and every one that failed. And unlike Sabrina, she's actually lived through them and doesn't merely have secondhand cosmic knowledge. She's tried many different things (especially if you take stuff like the PSP game into account) and it hardly made any difference. And then along comes Sabrina, who has done more in the short time she's been alive than Homu has done in around twelve years.
So personally, I think Homura is both jealous and also in fear that something will go wrong at some point. Not if, but when.
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Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
Yes, but Homura still wants to be The One.
And Sabrina is a new development. She's questioning herself, her motives... her Wish, maybe (and that's scary), saying Madoka shouldn't trust her, that she's failed, that she can't save Madoka.
If you consider this is an old wound, and that Homura's "I won't rely on anyone anymore" comes from feeling nobody else could/would take the burden... what does that leave?
If Homura doesn't save Madoka, Madoka dies.
But if Homura keeps trying to save Madoka, Madoka keeps suffering... and then she dies, because Homura can't save Madoka.
That's a poignant point: Homura feeling as if the only difference she's making is that she's adding to Madoka's suffering, that she only hurts Madoka.
It doesn't change that Madoka dies at the end.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
So, I didn't want to go all of April without omaking anything, so after a few failed starts, I managed to find an idea I could develop into something. 
A tense silence hangs in the air.
A foreign presence sits across from me at my table. A clearly demented being who's been rambling at me for the past five minutes, proposing crazy idea after crazier idea, seemingly unaware of how each of her words seemed to puncture somewhere around my stomach area.
Well, I know she knows, and I know she really means well, but I can't help but feel all my efforts are not being remunerated fairly.
I allow some of my feelings to show as I eye my visitor over the rim of my cup; a cup I've been holding next to my lips for… oh, five minutes or so.
Sabrina shrinks in her seat slightly.
Before she can open her mouth again, I cut her off.
"Let me see if I understand," I say placidly as I lower my cup a little without taking a sip. She returns a tentative smile, though she doesn't fully meet my eyes. "You want us," Kirika's grip tightens on my free hand, "to move away from my home, into a 'random' apartment…"
Sabrina's slight flinch confirms I managed to vocalize the quotation marks correctly.
"An apartment which will be under constant watch by cameras and some sort of familiars…"
She tries to speak but I stop her with a single raise of an eyebrow, elegant yet indignant.
"And you'd have us wear trackers, so you could know where we are at all times…"
Sabrina bites her lip as Kirika slides closer to me, her arm wrapping itself around my waist as she frowns at our 'guest'.
"Not only that, but you want to also tag us with magical trackers, because, if I have to guess, knowing our every movement twice over will be somehow better than just being able to tell every time we draw breath," I drawled as I-
Clack!
... Finally lay down my cup on the table with far more force than I intended.
I take a deep breath, taking a small joy in seeing Sabrina squirm in her seat, if only barely, and greater joy in Kirika's ministrations as she starts rubbing my back and shoulders.
I'd like to think I'm being very calm about this.
"Oh," I say as if just remembering. "And you'd have me confess my…" I try to ignore the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, "actions to the Miki family."
Kirika hugs me for a moment, before resuming her work.
"I think it would help," the white haired girl states firmly, yet… "but I won't force you."
I hum, acknowledging the point before dismissing it for the time being. "You would also have me sell my home."
"That's just an idea-"
"Did I miss anything?" I ask sharply.
The blue eyed girl blinks.
"Can I add that this is very good tea?" she points at her cup.
I realize with a start the tea must have gone cold while we were… talking… but somehow, I don't feel the urge to offer a refill like a good host should.
"Right," I close my eyes, letting Kirika massage my temples, her soft yet firm touch alleviating the headache I can feel growing.
After making Sabrina wait for a minute, I regard her once more.
The girl means well, I know, and I try my best to be considerate of her position as she smiles at me, patiently waiting for an answer.
"You're not giving me a choice," I state, more than I ask. Kirika lets go of my head, and climbs onto my lap instead.
Sabrina shrugs. "Sorry. Once I breached the topic…"
"Your friends suspected I might have trapped this place, or that I have hidden resources I could access any time," I surmised, to receive a tentative nod.
… She's not wrong. I suppress a grimace.
"You must understand, Sabrina," I sigh, "this isn't exactly what I was hoping for."
"Yeah," the foreigner shrugs slightly, "I'm sorry I didn't bring up the… details with you beforehand, but I think this will help everyone in the end? And," she adds, making a circling gesture with her hand, "I think you would prefer being… somewhere else than here?"
… Again, she's not wrong. I don't have to like her making the decision for me, though.
"You might have a point," I make sure to show my displeasure in my tone.
"It'd be nice to stretch our legs," pipes in Kirika, sharing a hopeful smile with me and Sabrina, "not being cooped up all the time?"
"We'd have limited 'areas' we could visit," I drawl.
"Better than nothing!" smiles my way-too-cheerful girl, squeezing my ribs for a moment. "And it could be somewhere mean people won't recognize you on the street all the time!"
"A good point," chimes in Sabrina.
I sigh, unable to avoid returning a slight smile at the girl in my lap.
… They're not wrong.
"About the surveillance measures," I make Sabrina blink at the slight change of topic, "you'll understand we need to have privacy," I fight down the warm feeling on my cheeks.
Kirika buries her face on my neck. I take a moment to run my fingers through her hair as I pointedly stare at Sabrina.
"Of course, of course," she nods, "we haven't worked out how it's all gonna work yet, but it's just about making sure you don't leave your restricted areas, not about… punishment," she grimaces and averts her eyes, thoughtful.
"Very well," I murmur gaining back Sabrina's attention, "it would seem we have no choice. And," I add with a nod before she can interrupt, "this might be for the best."
Sabrina smiles, and while it might not be a Kirika-intensity smile (specially the kind she reserves for me) I have to admit... it really makes me feel she honestly cares.
Kirika squirms against me. I pat her head as I nod to our guest.
"We're gonna need time to prepare. We won't need help," I add before she can open her mouth, "but thanks."
Sabrina blinks, before laughing softly. "Well, before I go, would you mind if I have a word with Kirika?" said girl's hair brushes against my chin as she turns to look at Sabrina. "It'll be just a few minutes."
Kirika looks me in the eye then, and I hug her tighter, an act which is eagerly reciprocated.
I nod, and our impromptu tea party breaks up. Kirika slides off my lap almost regrettably, and I fend off a questioning look from Sabrina and signal both girls to go have their talk; I pick up the tray and cups, and bring them into the kitchen while they walk upstairs.
"Hey," calls Sabrina, "I might need to make a privacy field, just a heads up!"
I blink.
"Why a privacy field?" Kirika ask the question in my mind, before adding, "it won't be dark, will it?"
"Don't worry," I barely hear Sabrina as she lowers her voice, "just want to make sure nobody overhears when you tell me all about how your date went."
A moment of silence. Then I hear someone 'eep', followed by quick footsteps and a door opening and closing.
A few seconds later, I can feel the Grief gathering, a feeling of Witch invading my senses.
… This might take a while.
Washing the cutlery doesn't take long. My thoughts drift once I'm done, my feelings troubled.
I take a moment to walk around the mansion, looking around, truly looking, reminiscing.
It might be the moment, but I can't help but remember the good memories, the times where my mom was still alive… the times where I could trust my father…
A frown etches itself on my brows, old doubts resurging to nag at my thoughts.
When was it? When did my father turn into one more member of my extended family? Was it when mom died? Or did he break under pressure some time after that? Was he always bad? Did he just lie to me, to all of us, all my life? Would I turn out the same way?
I realize with a start I'm standing at the door to my father's office.
My throat is dry. My stomach knots into itself. I feel my heart beat fast in my chest.
I close my eyes. Take a moment to breath. I must have walked here because I was thinking about him.
I've half turned to leave when I suddenly stop.
I… notice something, I think. My eyes roam up and down the door, the door frame, before coming to rest on the handle.
I'm sure, certain that this door has remained closed for a long time, ever since… then. I haven't entered again. I told Kirika to not enter.
Yet I can't help but feel something looks out of place. As if something had moved, just a fraction of an inch, as if a light coat of dust had been disturbed.
Without thinking, I reach for the handle and open the door.
He stares at me, accusing me, swaying oh so slightly, the cord around his neck…
My breath hitches as I stumble. I shut my eyes and look away at the same time. The doorknob creaks under pressure. My free hand reaches for the door frame without thought, stopping me from falling to my trembling knees.
It's just a memory, I tell myself. He's not here. He's ruined my life already, he can't hurt me any longer.
Still, it takes me a minute to open my eyes, and look into the empty office.
Empty. Untouched. Every book still in its place, just as I remember.
I mentally kick myself for my moment of weakness. It's not like me. There's nothing here that can hurt me.
I walk to my father's desk, letting myself lean on it a little, hands splayed on its surface.
"You know?" I say to the empty air after a minute. "Maybe I should sell this place."
I blink, my own words surprising me. Yet I go on, feeling a weight lifting off my chest.
"Better yet, I should have this whole mansion demolished, and sell the terrain. I wonder how many of your political enemies would like to have it, just to spit on it, and build something else in its place? Maybe a huge building, or a big shopping mall?"
My musings are met with silence.
I step back, standing up straight again.
Somewhere, deep down, I can feel fear, anxiety, as if a great shadow was looming over me, about to strike me down for my defiance.
But I push it down, ignore it, and revel in the feeling of freedom that envelops me. The times I could run around and be sweeped into my mom's arms are long gone. There's nothing in this place that I need.
Well, except… my contingencies.
My thoughts turn back to my plans, to my hopes, to my future with Kirika as I casually walk out of the office, leaving the door open.
I blink as I remember the feeling of witch shadowing my senses. That probably wasn't helping.
I shake my head as I realize how much time has passed, and wonder how much longer Kirika and Sabrina will take.
… Must be quite some gossip going on in there.
I frown, but I've nothing to do but wait. I start packing a few essentials, leaving alone the important things I'll need to take with me to the new apartment. Safer to check on those after Sabrina leaves.
Uneventful minutes pass unacknowledged, until suddenly the pressure of Sabrina's Grief lifts from my mind.
I quickly move back to the living room, aware of Kirika's hurried footsteps… which slow down abruptly.
My lovely dark haired girl hesitates as she enters the room I occupy, but only for a moment. A second later, her megawatt smile blinds me, leaving me completely defenseless against her tackle-hug attack.
I hold Kirika tightly as she wraps her arms and legs around me like an overly affectionate octopus.
A hum draws my attention to Sabrina, who stares at us thoughtfully.
"A pirate octopus?" she muses.
I feel more than I hear Kirika let out a startled laugh.
"You need to go hug your Ojou," she advises, looking at our guest but not letting go of me for a moment.
"Yeah, I do," Sabrina acquiesces seriously. "... But she has this terrible habit of attending school, you know?"
"Terrible, just terrible," nods Kirika, her head brushing against my shoulder.
"I should get going, though," Sabrina stretches her arms over her head, "my-"
"Your planet needs you," Kirika and say together.
The white haired girl blinks a few times, staring at us.
We smirk back at her, together.
Suddenly she laughs. A hearty chuckle runs through all of us, and for a moment, we're all smiles. And hugs.
The moment passes, and Sabrina trades nods with Kirika and I as she walks past us, opening the sliding door.
"Hey, Kirika?" she stops, looking back.
"Yeah?"
"Let me know if you need help with what we talked about, OK?"
Kirika nods, completely serious. "Of course."
"Great. And, Oriko?" she turns to me this time.
"Yes?" I ask.
"Just as a token of friendship," she winks, "if you're planning to betray me-" a frisson of fear runs through me "-you should hurry up about it. The window of opportunity is closing."
Then the girl turns back around and walks out, her back fully exposed.
I shook my head the barest inch, catching Kirika's startled look. I hold her close, tightly.
"Kirika?" I ask, watching as Sabrina forms her wings, and jumps high and away into the skies.
"Yeah?"
"You weren't gossiping about dates," I state, rather than ask.
"... No."
"What were you walking about?"
"I can't tell," she answers without hesitation.
I look at my girl.
She looks back, apologetic but serious. She squeezes me tighter for a moment.
"Let's pack," I say.
Then I brush my lips across hers.
Kirika's eyes open wide, and she collapses against me, giggling happily.
After a moment, she nods, and we get to work.
A foreign presence sits across from me at my table. A clearly demented being who's been rambling at me for the past five minutes, proposing crazy idea after crazier idea, seemingly unaware of how each of her words seemed to puncture somewhere around my stomach area.
Well, I know she knows, and I know she really means well, but I can't help but feel all my efforts are not being remunerated fairly.
I allow some of my feelings to show as I eye my visitor over the rim of my cup; a cup I've been holding next to my lips for… oh, five minutes or so.
Sabrina shrinks in her seat slightly.
Before she can open her mouth again, I cut her off.
"Let me see if I understand," I say placidly as I lower my cup a little without taking a sip. She returns a tentative smile, though she doesn't fully meet my eyes. "You want us," Kirika's grip tightens on my free hand, "to move away from my home, into a 'random' apartment…"
Sabrina's slight flinch confirms I managed to vocalize the quotation marks correctly.
"An apartment which will be under constant watch by cameras and some sort of familiars…"
She tries to speak but I stop her with a single raise of an eyebrow, elegant yet indignant.
"And you'd have us wear trackers, so you could know where we are at all times…"
Sabrina bites her lip as Kirika slides closer to me, her arm wrapping itself around my waist as she frowns at our 'guest'.
"Not only that, but you want to also tag us with magical trackers, because, if I have to guess, knowing our every movement twice over will be somehow better than just being able to tell every time we draw breath," I drawled as I-
Clack!
... Finally lay down my cup on the table with far more force than I intended.
I take a deep breath, taking a small joy in seeing Sabrina squirm in her seat, if only barely, and greater joy in Kirika's ministrations as she starts rubbing my back and shoulders.
I'd like to think I'm being very calm about this.
"Oh," I say as if just remembering. "And you'd have me confess my…" I try to ignore the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, "actions to the Miki family."
Kirika hugs me for a moment, before resuming her work.
"I think it would help," the white haired girl states firmly, yet… "but I won't force you."
I hum, acknowledging the point before dismissing it for the time being. "You would also have me sell my home."
"That's just an idea-"
"Did I miss anything?" I ask sharply.
The blue eyed girl blinks.
"Can I add that this is very good tea?" she points at her cup.
I realize with a start the tea must have gone cold while we were… talking… but somehow, I don't feel the urge to offer a refill like a good host should.
"Right," I close my eyes, letting Kirika massage my temples, her soft yet firm touch alleviating the headache I can feel growing.
After making Sabrina wait for a minute, I regard her once more.
The girl means well, I know, and I try my best to be considerate of her position as she smiles at me, patiently waiting for an answer.
"You're not giving me a choice," I state, more than I ask. Kirika lets go of my head, and climbs onto my lap instead.
Sabrina shrugs. "Sorry. Once I breached the topic…"
"Your friends suspected I might have trapped this place, or that I have hidden resources I could access any time," I surmised, to receive a tentative nod.
… She's not wrong. I suppress a grimace.
"You must understand, Sabrina," I sigh, "this isn't exactly what I was hoping for."
"Yeah," the foreigner shrugs slightly, "I'm sorry I didn't bring up the… details with you beforehand, but I think this will help everyone in the end? And," she adds, making a circling gesture with her hand, "I think you would prefer being… somewhere else than here?"
… Again, she's not wrong. I don't have to like her making the decision for me, though.
"You might have a point," I make sure to show my displeasure in my tone.
"It'd be nice to stretch our legs," pipes in Kirika, sharing a hopeful smile with me and Sabrina, "not being cooped up all the time?"
"We'd have limited 'areas' we could visit," I drawl.
"Better than nothing!" smiles my way-too-cheerful girl, squeezing my ribs for a moment. "And it could be somewhere mean people won't recognize you on the street all the time!"
"A good point," chimes in Sabrina.
I sigh, unable to avoid returning a slight smile at the girl in my lap.
… They're not wrong.
"About the surveillance measures," I make Sabrina blink at the slight change of topic, "you'll understand we need to have privacy," I fight down the warm feeling on my cheeks.
Kirika buries her face on my neck. I take a moment to run my fingers through her hair as I pointedly stare at Sabrina.
"Of course, of course," she nods, "we haven't worked out how it's all gonna work yet, but it's just about making sure you don't leave your restricted areas, not about… punishment," she grimaces and averts her eyes, thoughtful.
"Very well," I murmur gaining back Sabrina's attention, "it would seem we have no choice. And," I add with a nod before she can interrupt, "this might be for the best."
Sabrina smiles, and while it might not be a Kirika-intensity smile (specially the kind she reserves for me) I have to admit... it really makes me feel she honestly cares.
Kirika squirms against me. I pat her head as I nod to our guest.
"We're gonna need time to prepare. We won't need help," I add before she can open her mouth, "but thanks."
Sabrina blinks, before laughing softly. "Well, before I go, would you mind if I have a word with Kirika?" said girl's hair brushes against my chin as she turns to look at Sabrina. "It'll be just a few minutes."
Kirika looks me in the eye then, and I hug her tighter, an act which is eagerly reciprocated.
I nod, and our impromptu tea party breaks up. Kirika slides off my lap almost regrettably, and I fend off a questioning look from Sabrina and signal both girls to go have their talk; I pick up the tray and cups, and bring them into the kitchen while they walk upstairs.
"Hey," calls Sabrina, "I might need to make a privacy field, just a heads up!"
I blink.
"Why a privacy field?" Kirika ask the question in my mind, before adding, "it won't be dark, will it?"
"Don't worry," I barely hear Sabrina as she lowers her voice, "just want to make sure nobody overhears when you tell me all about how your date went."
A moment of silence. Then I hear someone 'eep', followed by quick footsteps and a door opening and closing.
A few seconds later, I can feel the Grief gathering, a feeling of Witch invading my senses.
… This might take a while.
Washing the cutlery doesn't take long. My thoughts drift once I'm done, my feelings troubled.
I take a moment to walk around the mansion, looking around, truly looking, reminiscing.
It might be the moment, but I can't help but remember the good memories, the times where my mom was still alive… the times where I could trust my father…
A frown etches itself on my brows, old doubts resurging to nag at my thoughts.
When was it? When did my father turn into one more member of my extended family? Was it when mom died? Or did he break under pressure some time after that? Was he always bad? Did he just lie to me, to all of us, all my life? Would I turn out the same way?
I realize with a start I'm standing at the door to my father's office.
My throat is dry. My stomach knots into itself. I feel my heart beat fast in my chest.
I close my eyes. Take a moment to breath. I must have walked here because I was thinking about him.
I've half turned to leave when I suddenly stop.
I… notice something, I think. My eyes roam up and down the door, the door frame, before coming to rest on the handle.
I'm sure, certain that this door has remained closed for a long time, ever since… then. I haven't entered again. I told Kirika to not enter.
Yet I can't help but feel something looks out of place. As if something had moved, just a fraction of an inch, as if a light coat of dust had been disturbed.
Without thinking, I reach for the handle and open the door.
He stares at me, accusing me, swaying oh so slightly, the cord around his neck…
My breath hitches as I stumble. I shut my eyes and look away at the same time. The doorknob creaks under pressure. My free hand reaches for the door frame without thought, stopping me from falling to my trembling knees.
It's just a memory, I tell myself. He's not here. He's ruined my life already, he can't hurt me any longer.
Still, it takes me a minute to open my eyes, and look into the empty office.
Empty. Untouched. Every book still in its place, just as I remember.
I mentally kick myself for my moment of weakness. It's not like me. There's nothing here that can hurt me.
I walk to my father's desk, letting myself lean on it a little, hands splayed on its surface.
"You know?" I say to the empty air after a minute. "Maybe I should sell this place."
I blink, my own words surprising me. Yet I go on, feeling a weight lifting off my chest.
"Better yet, I should have this whole mansion demolished, and sell the terrain. I wonder how many of your political enemies would like to have it, just to spit on it, and build something else in its place? Maybe a huge building, or a big shopping mall?"
My musings are met with silence.
I step back, standing up straight again.
Somewhere, deep down, I can feel fear, anxiety, as if a great shadow was looming over me, about to strike me down for my defiance.
But I push it down, ignore it, and revel in the feeling of freedom that envelops me. The times I could run around and be sweeped into my mom's arms are long gone. There's nothing in this place that I need.
Well, except… my contingencies.
My thoughts turn back to my plans, to my hopes, to my future with Kirika as I casually walk out of the office, leaving the door open.
I blink as I remember the feeling of witch shadowing my senses. That probably wasn't helping.
I shake my head as I realize how much time has passed, and wonder how much longer Kirika and Sabrina will take.
… Must be quite some gossip going on in there.
I frown, but I've nothing to do but wait. I start packing a few essentials, leaving alone the important things I'll need to take with me to the new apartment. Safer to check on those after Sabrina leaves.
Uneventful minutes pass unacknowledged, until suddenly the pressure of Sabrina's Grief lifts from my mind.
I quickly move back to the living room, aware of Kirika's hurried footsteps… which slow down abruptly.
My lovely dark haired girl hesitates as she enters the room I occupy, but only for a moment. A second later, her megawatt smile blinds me, leaving me completely defenseless against her tackle-hug attack.
I hold Kirika tightly as she wraps her arms and legs around me like an overly affectionate octopus.
A hum draws my attention to Sabrina, who stares at us thoughtfully.
"A pirate octopus?" she muses.
I feel more than I hear Kirika let out a startled laugh.
"You need to go hug your Ojou," she advises, looking at our guest but not letting go of me for a moment.
"Yeah, I do," Sabrina acquiesces seriously. "... But she has this terrible habit of attending school, you know?"
"Terrible, just terrible," nods Kirika, her head brushing against my shoulder.
"I should get going, though," Sabrina stretches her arms over her head, "my-"
"Your planet needs you," Kirika and say together.
The white haired girl blinks a few times, staring at us.
We smirk back at her, together.
Suddenly she laughs. A hearty chuckle runs through all of us, and for a moment, we're all smiles. And hugs.
The moment passes, and Sabrina trades nods with Kirika and I as she walks past us, opening the sliding door.
"Hey, Kirika?" she stops, looking back.
"Yeah?"
"Let me know if you need help with what we talked about, OK?"
Kirika nods, completely serious. "Of course."
"Great. And, Oriko?" she turns to me this time.
"Yes?" I ask.
"Just as a token of friendship," she winks, "if you're planning to betray me-" a frisson of fear runs through me "-you should hurry up about it. The window of opportunity is closing."
Then the girl turns back around and walks out, her back fully exposed.
I shook my head the barest inch, catching Kirika's startled look. I hold her close, tightly.
"Kirika?" I ask, watching as Sabrina forms her wings, and jumps high and away into the skies.
"Yeah?"
"You weren't gossiping about dates," I state, rather than ask.
"... No."
"What were you walking about?"
"I can't tell," she answers without hesitation.
I look at my girl.
She looks back, apologetic but serious. She squeezes me tighter for a moment.
"Let's pack," I say.
Then I brush my lips across hers.
Kirika's eyes open wide, and she collapses against me, giggling happily.
After a moment, she nods, and we get to work.
GiftOfLove
From the Heart
I don't get your point. I see that Homura thinks she sucks. Not that Homura thinks Madoka would be better off dead. At the point Homura says as much it probably won't matter what we have to say in response, because we'll be soon talking to Homulily instead.
-
Random thoughts. The reason Homura might be failing so much is because she's trying to be an offensive type Puella Magi, when her wish and powers all seem to be about defense and support. So maybe we ought to help her develop her magic along those lines instead. Because she wished to go back protect Madoka, not vanquish her enemies.
Might be something to pursue in that line of thinking for comforting her. The reason Homura can't do it alone is because her wish was never about beating Walpurgisnacht. It was about protecting Madoka. She is probably capable of insanely potent defensive magic. I'd wager that she could put up a shield or barrier that not even Wally World would be able to beat down if she mastered it. I mean her weapon, her tool for combat, is literally a shield. All defense. No offense.
redzonejoe
Vaguely Pastafarian
- Location
- Canada
I'm gonna agree with this. As much as I'm about slapping those dumb emotions down with logic, I get the feeling that the time for logic is over. We said our piece, now we just gotta give Homura a chance to process it.
Which vote is closest to that Good Will Hunting scene (plus hugs)? I wanna do that now.
- Location
- The Outer Plane Of Munchkinry.
Life is pain, and anyone trying to tell you differently is trying to sell you something, and it's worth it anyway; living means getting more things to make it even more worth it, and we want people to Live.
Onmur
Archangel of Nutella.
I think we want to reach a bit of a better note to end the hugs session.
Comfort Homura as much as we can.
I'd like to ask if she would share her thoughts and feelings right now...
... And I guess we should keep asking if she wants to keep going every time we want to bring up a new point?
Hm.
[] Comfort Homura.
[] Empathy: Ask, try to get her to share her thoughts, feelings. Don't push.
[] Reassure Homura.
-[] She hasn't failed, not as long as she doesn't give up.
-[] We don't believe she's hurting Madoka. She's the one who gives Madoka hope.
[] There's more you want to tell her, but you don't want to push too hard. Ask Homura to stop us any time she feels she wants to stop.
-[] If Homura wants to stop, hugs and reassurance. Relax.
[] Further arguments if Homura wants to go on.
Vebyast
Nascent Transhuman
Homura's not in a good place to stop right now. I think that if we let her sit she'll double down on the belief that she's failed. I think we need to give her a bit more so she can start her thinking from a more stable foundation.