Hmm, I suppose with the way the battle turned out there's not much harm in talking background to an extent.
And I really do want to share this story, because in all honesty this was basically a religious experience for me. Because I now know that Ranald is real IRL, since I can see no other reason why
my own god damn dice would be trolling me.
It all started out so innocently. Archaon was on his way to get his four-fold Mark of Chaos like in canon, and I decided I'd roll to see if it went like in canon or if we'd get some divergence already. The relevant part is that his
noble steed bought it (like in canon), and I decided I'd roll to see if he got a replacement afterwards. That played out kind of like this:
Dice: Yep, he gets a new mount.
Me: Okay, the original was an appreciable part of his combat stats, so let's see how strong the replacement is. Low roll means a basic bitch Chaos Steed.
Dice: He gets a 94 there.
Me: Okay, wow, good for him. REALLY good for him. Uh, the other salient fact about his original mount was that it was fanatically loyal, so let's roll for loyalty here too.
Dice: Yeah, that one's gonna be a 3 though.
Me: ...Alright, well, maybe not so good for him then. Guess I better stat this thing up -
whatever it is at a 94 strength - before it inevitably fails its loyalty check.
I couldn't decide what the best mount to give him for that roll was, so I put together a table of hella stronk Chaos gribblies and rolled for it. As should be clear, "giant fuckoff Chaos Mammoth" was the winner. Incidentally? Not the worst possible result for you guys on that table, at all. So be grateful for small favors.
Anyway, sure enough, the very next quest Archie goes off on, WHAM, sudden but inevitable betrayal. Now, I'd like to be clear here, giant fuckoff Chaos Mammoth or not Archaon still had the edge here stats-wise. I'd call the odds like 60/40 in Archaon's favor for this fight.
This does him absolutely NO good. His rolls were more rotten than Nurgle's Garden, and the mammoth that was very briefly his steed absolutely curbstomps him. The goddamn thing barely even takes a scratch. By the end of the fight facepalming was basically my new default posture. In light of the crushingly one-sided results I decide that the finish of the fight is the mammoth literally just picking Archaon up and eating him as the final indignity.
Now, since Archaon was supposedly destined to bring about the end and already had the Four-Fold Mark I figured I'd roll to see how the Four took this turn of events. High rolls being good for the mammoth, and low rolls meaning they're pissed their latest toy got broken already right after they gave him their Mark.
Dice: Would you believe, the LOWEST roll is above 80? And the highest is nearly 100?
Me: FOR FUCKSAKE
Me: ...Alright, I guess I need to roll for blessings now.
Dice:
![:V :V :V](/styles/sv_smiles/xenforo/emot-v.gif)
Me: are you actually fucking kidding me
Me: what am I supposed to do with this
Seriously, this is how I imagine it looked in the Realm of Chaos. You've already seen all these benefits in action, so no spoilers there.
Tzeentch:
...Yes. Just as planned. I planned this, and totally saw it coming. Have my blessing, mammoth, since I definitely planned for this and wanted it to happen.
MAMMOTH GAINS: TUMOR OF SORCERY, LORE OF CHAOS, LORE OF TZEENTCH, MARK OF TZEENTCH
Slaanesh:
Sure, buddy. Of course you did. Anyway, that was definitely more interesting than how it looked like this was gonna go, so why don't you take something shiny and see if you can make something else novel happen for me. Don't disappoint me or I'll turn you inside out like a sock puppet and make you LIKE it, kidding not kidding.
MAMMOTH GAINS: UNNATURAL CHARISMA, MARK OF SLAANESH
TUMOR SYNERGY UNLOCKS: LORE OF SLAANESH
Nurgle:
Ho ho ho! Be jolly! Grandfather Nurgle's love is yours to spread! [QM note: Nurgle is basically Disease Santa, CMV.]
MAMMOTH GAINS: OBSCENE RESILIENCE, AURA OF CORRUPTION, MARK OF NURGLE
TUMOR SYNERGY UNLOCKS: LORE OF NURGLE
Khorne:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HE GOT KILLED
AND EATEN
BY HIS OWN FUCKING MOUNT
LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BITCH
THAT'S THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I'VE SEEN IN THREE MILLENNIA
HERE HAVE ALL THE SHIT KID
MAMMOTH GAINS: ENDLESS RAGE, MUSK OF HATE, COLLAR OF KHORNE, BLOOD DRINKER, REGENERATION, MARK OF KHORNE
TUMOR OVERRIDE: MAGIC CHARACTERISTIC NOT AFFECTED BY MARK OF KHORNE
Me: Welp.
Me: I guess I don't need to roll to see if a new Everchosen arises to take Archaon's place.