Not for the first time, Sabrina found herself thankful for her brain's grasp of languages. There really weren't any words more appropriate than "clusterfuck" for her recent adventures.
She sighed heavily, resting her chin on the table. Mami wouldn't be home for another few hours and had just checked in a few minutes prior, so she had free reign to gallivant about to her heart's content. Despite the allure of bending physics over the couch and whaling on it with a riding crop made of Grief, though, she couldn't muster up the motivation to head out and SCIENCE!
Despite being relatively free of casualties, the war weighed down her thoughts. She wondered, for the hundredth time, whether she could have avoided the fighting in the first place, kept Akiko from breaking down. She wondered if her actions made her a tyrant.
What thoughts she managed to dredge up from beneath the weight hovered around Mami. Seeing the vibrant gunslinger in such a state was absolutely crushing. She brought up her phone and began Googling some ideas to deal with co-dependency before, with another sigh, putting the phone away and re-optimizing her moping posture.
Maybe a therapist would help? She didn't have to spell out everything about the situation, just say that one of Mami's "friends" had been manipulating her.
Of course, that could still be enough to prompt the little rat to wipe the therapist's memory. There was always the Groundhog Day approach of having a hundred first sessions, at least.
Maybe he'd be willing to work with both of them.
She brought her face down on the table. And there's the existential crisis over whether she constituted an actual person or merely a manifestation of the will of a goddess who, technically, didn't even exist in this timeline.
The phone blared unexpectedly, snapping her out of her one-woman pity party. Shin's number. She brought the phone up to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Big Sis? There's a talking cat here."
Her blood froze, then boiled over in quick succession. If that little white shit thought it could mess with Nagisa without getting sent into low-Earth orbit...
"Big Sis? Are you still there?"
Sabrina realized she'd been too wrapped up in plotting vengeance to hear the rest of what Nagisa was saying.
"I'm still here."
"Um...I don't think it's the one you told me about, though. It's black."
That threw Sabrina for a loop. Maybe it was a new Incubator? "Kurobey" or something?
"Has it said anything to you about a contract?"
"No, it's only really said 'pet me' and rubbed its cheeks on everything. Also, she says she's not an 'it.'"
This did not compute.
"Errr...do you think you can bring her over?"
"Okay. Uncle Shin is taking me to a movie in a little bit. I'll ask him if we can stop by."
"Thanks, Nagisa. Be careful, okay? If she asks, don't make any kind of deal."
"Okay, Big Sis. See you soon."
Sabrina put the phone down, her internal forum on DEFCON 1. Theories flew back and forth, ranging from "her" being a new disguise for Kyuubey to her being some sort of cat spirit with very low standards for amusement. She brewed herself a pot of tea for thinking purposes, looking longingly from the old pot to the microwave.
It was so tempting, but she couldn't bring herself to pollute Mami's house like that.
After a brief period of intense internal debate and subsequent nonsensical internal rambling after a course of action had been settled upon, a series of knocks from the lower portion of the door alerted her to Nagisa's arrival. After lowering her center of gravity to avoid being bowled over, she opened it and accepted the younger girl's ballistic hug.
Once she'd been released from Nagisa's impressively-iron grip, she looked her over and, with some confusion, noted that there was no evil feline temptress to be found. Nagisa looked at her oddly for a moment before realizing what she was looking for.
"You can come out now," she said, reaching up to poke at her hair. A lump arose from her mane and slowly inched forward until a tiny black head poked out from her bangs.
"Hi, White Girl!" they heard in their heads. Sabrina, nonplussed, was about to question the kitten's focus on race before the latter scrunched her brows in apparent confusion.
"Wait, YOU'RE White Girl," she said, looking down at Nagisa. The kitten seemed to agonize over this dilemma before reaching a solution.
"I know!" she said, a small paw emerging from Nagisa's hair to point at Sabrina. "You can be Big White Girl! OOOOH WAIT WAIT! GREAT White Girl! Rawr!"
The kitten wriggled in a shark-like fashion, which failed to intimidate but did succeed in getting her hopelessly tangled in Nagisa's hair. She fell from her perch and dangled forlornly in a white web, Nagisa tilting her head to compensate for the increased weight.
"Best Cat down! Help!" she wailed as the two girls worked hard to extricate her. Thankfully, they managed to do so before the kitten took matters into her own claws. Once free, she latched firmly onto Sabrina's shirt and was only removed through a considerable effort.
"I have to go, Big Sis," said Nagisa as Shin stuck his head out the window. Sabrina nodded, trying to dislodge the kitten that had now taken up residence in her own hair.
Once the Momoes had left, Sabrina gave up her efforts to remove her new headwear, which had enthusiastically claimed ownership of "Mount GreatWhiteGirl." Resignedly, she sad back down at the table, sipping at some tea.
"So, who are you, exactly?" Sabrina asked.
"I am Best Cat!"
"Do you have a name?" Sabrina prompted when no further explanation seemed forthcoming. The kitten, seemingly baffled that her previous answer was insufficient, hopped down onto the table and puffed herself up.
"I am Amy Percival Venticus Akemi, but you can call me Homura!"
Sabrina's brain attempted to shift gears, but apparently missed the clutch, resulting in temporary cessation of function. When she awoke, "Homura" had already planted herself next to her cup of tea and begun stealing tonguefuls in a manner much less subtle than she probably thought. Sabrina elected to ignore this, instead reaching out to the less-fluffy of the known Akemis.
"Homura?"
"Yes, Sabrina?"
"Where are you right now?"
"Walking Madoka home. Is something the matter?"
"No...just checking up."
"...alright. Talk to you later."
Sabrina looked back down at the kitten she would think of as "Amy" for clarity's sake. For the first time, she noticed her collar, on which sat a miniature version of Homura's shield and a soul gem. Out of curiosity, Sabrina poked at it with her Grief sense as Amy yawned and rolled over onto her back.
Nothing. Not a speck of Grief.
Luckily for Sabrina, the assorted prior impossibilities served to lessen the impact of this one, allowing her to remain lucid. Taking a deep breath, she decided some more questioning was in order.
"So, where are you from, Amy?"
The kitten spun back onto her paws, scrunching her face in contemplation.
"Well, first Pink Girl Madoka took me into her house and loved me but then Upside-Down Girl made her dead and then Bunnycat said 'You are Best Cat so I will help you' and he made Pink Girl not-dead. Then I met Big Sis Mami and Blue Girl and Red Girl and we did fun things and I fought Big Fish Witches and everyone said 'You are Best Cat' and I told them 'Yes I am Best Cat' and they petted me. After that, Upside-Down Girl came but we made her go away and everyone was really happy and gave me lots of tuna. Then I went to sleep and Pink-Gold Girl said 'Best Cat, some more people need your help.' I said 'But I want to stay with Pink Girl Madoka' and she said 'You can go right back to her after. There is another Pink Girl Madoka who needs help.' I said 'Okay' because Pink Girl Madoka is the best and then I met you and Little White Girl and now I'm here!"
Amy nudged at Sabrina's hand with her head, implicitly demanding petting for telling such an amazing story. Sabrina, having figured out the kitten's naming conventions, idly patted her on the head as she processed the story. Was she from another dimension? Did she actually beat Walpurgisnacht? Why did her story sound so much like Homura's?
She stood up, carrying Amy in one hand as she made her way over to the couch, where she flopped down heavily. Yet more craziness to sift through.
Even with a kitten in her hand, she found herself falling back into a slump. So much going on and now this curveball. Noticing her discomfort, Amy patted her way onto her chest, looking her in the face.
"What's wrong, Great White Girl?"
"It's Sabrina," she mumbled.
"What's wrong, Great White Girl Sabrina?"
"There's just so much going on!" she admitted. "I just dealt with a war, Mami's a wreck, there's something even worse than Walpurgisnacht coming, you just showed up, Akiko is sfgrbkasdn..."
Amy, who had been batting at Sabrina's mouth as she spoke, had lost patience and simply latched onto her face, Alien-style. Sabrina plucked her off by the nape of the neck, but before she could respond, Amy piped up.
"Big Sis Mami is not-dead, right?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"And Pink Girl Madoka and Blue Girl and Red Girl are not-dead, right?"
"Yes-"
"And now Best Cat is here, so everything will be okay!"
Sabrina opened her mouth to respond, but somehow failed to find fault in the kitten's logic. She giggled, placing the tiniest Meguca of them all on her lap.
"Pet me."
Sabrina acquiesced, just enjoying the feel of Amy's soft fur and the jet-engine purring that, by all rights, her small body should not have been able to produce. They remained that way for some time until Amy spotted a Grief sphere that Sabrina had yet to store with the others.
"What's that?" she asked as she bounded over to it, giving it the standard kitten inspection of batting at and gnawing on it in various places.
"Oh, that's Grief. I can actually control it," Sabrina answered.
"What's a Grief?"
Sabrina was about to explain when she had a stroke of inspiration.
"I'll show you! Hop on," she said with a grin. When Amy obliged, the sphere rose.
Sabrina sent it careening around the room, kitten in tow. Her own laughter and Amy's telepathic "Wheeeeeeeee!" filled the air with a joy that had been sorely lacking in recent times.
Neither noticed initially when the door creaked open and a certain time-traveler entered.
"Sabrina? You sounded concerned and I wanted to check..."
Homura attempted to take in the scene, Sabrina nearly falling over laughing as a kitten rode one of her Grief spheres like a runaway helicopter. At the sound of her voice, Sabrina attempted to compose herself while the kitten hopped off of the now-immobile sphere to land at Homura's feet.
With a pop, a girl that looked exactly like Homura save for a pair of cat ears, a tail, and a look of sheer elation that seemed utterly alien on the time-traveler's face stood in front of her.
"Hi, Best Not-Cat!"
Homura, very slowly and deliberately, fainted to the ground with a worrying *clunk*.