Some Nights Pitch Meeting
Shows Universal HQ 1973
"So, I hear you have a new movie for me?"
"Yes sir I do, a musical in fact!"
"Musicals? They haven't been popular since the 50s. How the heck am I supposed to make money off of that?! Who wrote this?"
"Carrie Fisher."
"Debbie Reynolds and Ed Fisher's daughter? How exactly does the fact that this was written by a 17 year old teenager make me more agreeable?"
"If we do this movie then Debbie Reynolds will do six movies for us at low cost."
"I LOVE MUSICALS, always have! So what is it called."
"Well sir, it's a Rock musical called Some Nights. And it focuses on the life and career of a rising rockstar named Nate Rusfield while Carrie Fisher herself plays his love interest."
"Wait a minute, isn't Carrie Fisher dating that guy from MASH, Bruce O'Brian? If she's the love interest, why don't we get him to play the main character?"
"NAAAHHH!"
"But, he's an experienced actor, he's the best part of the show, and they're an actual romantic couple. The monies!"
"Trust me sir, Bruce O'Brian and Carrie Fisher starring in a movie together will not mean anything at the box office. Besides, Hollywood romances never last at all. They'll break up within a year or two tops."
"Alright...well who is going to play Nate."
"Some guy named John Travolta. Don't think he'll amount to much, but he has a good singing voice."
"Okay I guess...so what's the movie about again?"
"So we start off with a wild party in Los Angeles where a bunch of famous celebrities are gathering together for Nate's birthday."
"Ooh, now THAT's my kind of movie! Tell me more!"
"Our first introduction to Nate is him doing hardcore drugs in his bathroom as he's getting ready to perform for his guests."
"Ooh, hardcore drugs are TIGHT!"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no; you see sir in this movie drugs are BAD."
"Whaaaat? This is a very new concept to me that I cannot possibly fathom."
"I know right? Anyways, Nate is doing drugs because he's formed an addiction from his lifestyle and needs it to deal with the crippling presusre and anxiety of his career where he always feels like he's one step away from failure and falling off of a cliff. He then goes downstairs and interacts with all of the guests and we see they're terrible and shallow people who only care about Nate to further their careers in a world of narcissism and vanity."
"So we're making a depressing movie about a down on his luck rockstar whose life is spiraling over the edge while Hollywood and the music industry are presented as dens of sin? I don't think I like this movie, I don't like being told I do bad things."
"Oh but you see sir, later on the movie gets upbeat and inspirational; and in the meantime the characters are going to sing both sad and upbeat rock and roll which will top the billboard and make us loads of money."
"I like this movie! Please continue."
"Nate then goes on stage with his band and starts off the musical properly by playing the song, Some Nights."
"Hey that's the same name as the title of the movie!"
"Yes sir, very clever. We then go through a montage of Nate's rise to fame with him singing the song at a bunch of different concerts but losing his passion and fun over the course. At the end, he possibly hallucinates seeing his ex-girlfriend Cathy, the character played by Carrie Fisher."
"Ooh, I smell a romance coming on!"
"We then see the average life of Nate as a rockstar with a dozen different events with the editing making it all blur together where they could all be separate days but could also be on the same day, therefore showing Nate's loss of direction and disorientation."
"How about we have most of the outside scenes take place at night so it'll go well with the film being called Some Nights?"
"That...actually that's a pretty good idea, thanks sir."
"No problem. So just so we're clear, we're mostly going to take a stinky dump on the music industry, not film right?"
"Pretty much. In fact, Nate's going to try and write songs from the heart and get back to the original pure reasons he plays music, but is constantly foiled by his scheming and greedy bastard of a manager based off of Colonel Tom Parker."
"Oh well that's good to hear, don't want America to lose the belief that Hollywood is the land of magic and dreams."
"Yep, that's a job left for the Guilds."
"So just so we're clear, whose Nate's band members?"
"Huh?"
"Well since he started out small he probably plays with some of his friends. Are they supporting him in his time of distress and also suffering the suffocation of the music industry."
"Eh...not really? I mean, one's just a giant asshole diva, one's a stoner, and the other's just nonchalant and just like's being successful and making songs."
"So we're not going to make a fictional Beatles or Queen, just focus on this Nate guy? Seems like a missed opportunity to look at all aspects of the music industry and how it can drain at the life of everyone involved. Maybe look into the reasons why they react the way they do and how they use their personalities and vices to cope with the change, including jealousy at Nate."
"Listen sir, I'm going to need you to get off my back and leave the music bashing to Carrie Fisher."
"Well alright then."
"So anyways, after the sequence ends on a concert, Nate and the boys go to a bar to blow off some steam and get drunk, and while there he notices his ex Cathy."
"So just to be clear, she is real this time right?"
"Yes sir she is."
"Huh, you know we could have actually had something interesting where Nate's mind is slowly collapsing from the stress and he imagines Cathy to help with the stress as his conscience and everyone thinks she's real until we do a big reveal at the end that will leave everyone shocked."
"Sir, remember what I said about you getting off my back..."
"Sorry about that. So, I'm guessing it's going to be super romantic?"
"Oh you bet sir. So romantic that we could probably sell a million body pillows of John Travolta and Carrie Fisher from this film alone!"
"Body pillows....?"
"So Nate and Cathy hit it off and sparks are really flying, but over the course of there conversation, tension arises when Nate acts like a self-centered douche and Cathy starts to see that he's not the guy she used to be in love with."
"Oh no, that's bad!"
"Well because he thinks that she's heavily into him, Nate is going to organize an impromptu concert at the bar and woo his way back into Cathy's heart with a upbeat rock song that is sure to be played on the radio for years."
"Wow, how romantic! And thus by movie logic, surely he and Cathy hook up because of this?"
"Nope! Cause during the song, Nate sees Cathy talking to some guy and they act all cute and mushy and kiss."
"Let me guess, this new guy is an asshole boyfriend treating Cathy horribly which causes Nate to become a better man, rise up to the occasion and save his girlfriend with the two living happily, ever after?"
"Nope! Actually he's a pretty decent guy, a bit of a hipster but treats Cathy well and really likes her."
"Whaaaat? But whose the bad guy in this situation?"
"Nate is the bad guy."
"But he's the protagonist!"
"Exactly sir, it's something neat I like to call...subverting expectations."
"Oh wow, wow, wow, wow; wow."
"So Cathy's boyfriend Barry is pretty chill and tries to talk with Nate, but Nate isn't having any of it and acts like a humungous jerk. Cathy slaps him and admonishes him for being a big ol meanie and she's really sad that he's changed and the old Nate is no more."
"Wow, it kind of makes you wonder why they were even together at all."
"Well that's the thing sir, cause the next act is one huge flashback sequence where we see their past together and Nate being a good guy and how he was corrupted."
"Nice."
"So Nate then sings a sad song as he's walking through the streets of Los Angeles and it then goes to him singing in the past with his girlfriend Cathy. Overall this is a bright and happy time in Nate's life where he's just having funs with his friends and being madly in love with Cathy and vice versa."
"How romantic we talking?"
"It's gonna be so good it's gonna make people think for a while that Carrie Fisher is in a affair with John Travolta and that they should be together."
"And that's...good?"
"For ticket and music sales, yes. So anyways, we cut to Nate coming home to his single and tired overworked mother."
"Hey how come we didn't see her earlier in the movie?"
"Oh you'll find out sir. So Nate is a mama's boy and thanks to his music success is able to help her pay the mortgage and promises to take care of her. Because his mom is constantly tired and exhausted, Nate wants to become rich and famous so he can take care of her."
"Ah, so that's why he becomes a rockstar?"
"You betcha. Speaking of, after one of the group's concerts, NotColonel Tom Parker comes in and offers them a very good contract with lots of monies but there's some pesky dotted lines and clauses that actually give him full control and make Nate a puppet."
"Oh I love sneaky contracts that screw over stars so you can make tons of money!"
"So everyone in the band is on board, but Nate is unsure if he's ready for such a life, but is inclining towards it thanks to his mother. He then meets with Cathy and asks for her opinion, and she's totally happy and pushes him to do so, thinks it'll help fulfill his dream."
"But that's what caused him to be miserable and turn into someone Cathy dislikes!"
"Exactly sir, it's a little bit of dramatic irony!"
"Oh wow, wow, wow, wow; wow."
"So the pair sing a super romantic song together which really showcases Carrie's talents and then they have sex."
"Wait a minute, isn't Carrie Fisher 17, therefore not legally an adult."
"Oh we're not actually going to show them having sex, just they makeout and then it fades to them undressed in bed."
"Phew, that's great, I feel like we dodged a massive bullet there."
"So Nate says bye to his mom and then heads to LA with Cathy. At first he's living the dream but then LA's vices and the hell of the music industry warp him into the drug-fueled superstar asshole he is in the beginning. Him and Cathy start to get into conflict with Cathy trying to help but unable, and then Nate is forced to choose between her or the national tour where he'll be really famous."
"I kind of want him to choose her but since this is a flashback I presume he chooses the tour?"
"Yes sir he does. The two have a big fight over what they want and whose responsible for what's going on, Cathy storms off and then the flashback sequence ends with Nate calling NotColonel and agreeing to the tour."
"Oh no, that's bad!"
"Sure is, and it gets even worse cause the next day after waking up with a hooker and more drugs, Nate gets a call that his mom is dying."
"Of what?"
"Oh you know...death"
"Ah, so Disney dead parents syndrome?"
"You bet ya. He rushes to the hospital and is with his mom in her last moments."
"Let me guess, real sad stuff?"
"Oh just the most depressing, the kind that if you don't cry then it shows you're a heartless bastard."
"Oh wow, that is intense."
"Sure is. The two have a heart to heart, and Nate's mom is happy because he's happy but Nate is sad because he's not. Nate then sings her a lullaby, and she passes away peacefully."
"I think you said in the beginning that this movie was going to be uplifting and inspirational, but now I'm just sad and want to quit my job and leave this town."
"Well sir, then the movie's working. But don't worry, cause we're about to get to the inspirational parts."
"I sure hope so."
"So after singing ANOTHER sad song while walking down the city streets."
"Man there sure are a lot of those in this movie."
"Nate runs into Cathy singing a beautiful and heartfelt song in the park with her guitar. After she's done the two head to her house where they talk about Nate's mom's death. Cathy comforts him by saying that his mom was happy that he was doing good for himself, and Nate breaks down and starts crying over how awful fame is, with Cathy then helping him to see the light and get back to the real reasons he started doing music."
"Nice, nice. I smell romance in the air."
"So the two make up and they are about to kiss and get together when Nate notices pictures of Cathy being happy with her boyfriend and decides its better to stay as friends and what they had was gone."
"Wait a minute! Two attractive leads with romantic chemistry NOT getting together in the end? What kind of looney tunes shenanigans is this?"
"That would be subverting expectations sir."
"Well I personally don't like it but I think it's going to get us lots of Oscars. Please continue."
"So Nate with new direction heads back to LA where he finally sees how shallow and dumb all the rich glamour stuff is and finds fulfillment and happyness in all the small and normal things."
"That's really impactful. Would you mind hurrying this up? I gotta pick up my ferrari from the shop and then head back to my mansion and make sure the renovations are doing good."
"Sure. So anyways, Nate goes back to his studio and when he's greeted with the same corporate nonsense, he throws a fit and admonishes everyone for being fake and greedy bastards then quits. While Nate was about to quit music altogether, he encounters one of his fans who says his song helped them through cancer and thus Nate resolves to make music his own way."
"So...he's going to be a successful musician, without the help of any big corporate labels and full control of his own songs and career?"
"Well sir every movie needs a little bit of fantasy to spice things up."
"And I guess the fact that he's quitting and breaking a ton of contracts is going to have massive legal reprecussions with Nate losing almost all of his wealth and thus showing the tradeoff of walking away from the industry."
"Actually Nate quitting is going to be super easy, barely an inconvenience."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah we're just gonna gloss over all that messy stuff and just have a news montage of him quitting and the band and label going under. Because you know, he won and grew as a character and the movie is depressing enough as it is, so he deserves this win."
"True, true."
"So our final scene is him singing an uplifting song to show how happy the movie is at a small music hall, and Cathy walks by."
"Oh, so NOW do they kiss and become boyfriend-girlfriend?"
"Still no."
"Damnit!"
"She just sees him and gives a happy smile and moves on with her life and Nate's all content, so still good for both people but no romance. And that's the end of the movie."
"Well it's a really weird story, but it combines some good elements of old and new films and my money senses tell me we might make half a billion dollars and break records."
"Glad to hear that sir. Before we continue, do you mind if we use some of my friends to Edit the film?"
"Sure, I don't see what could possibly go wrong."
Shows Screen Rant article with title 'How Some Nights First Edit was the Worst Movie Ever.'
Five Dates Pitch Meeting
Shows Lucasfilms HQ
"Hello Carrie, it is I, your husband, Bruce O'Brian, Co-owner of Lucasfilms."
"Hey Bruce....why did you greet me like that?"
"Oh it's just so I don't have to spend time writing on pieces of paper and then taping it to myself or wearing a wig whenever I film your bits."
"What?"
"What?"
"So anyways.....I got a new script for you to Direct."
"Ooh, let me guess, Some Nights 2?"
"What? NO! Some Nights ended in a perfect conclusion of Nate's character arc with him finally seeing through the vice and evils of Los Angeles and retaking his life while still keeping to his passion in music. Why would that warrant a sequel?"
"I don't know, money?"
"We've got Star Wars coming out later this year."
"True. Anyways, what do you have Carbear?"
"It's a movie called Five Dates."
"Exciting. Which dates specifically? Cause my favorite is March 17th."
"No, not dates like calendar days, but dates as in romance."
"Oh yeah, that works too. So what's the movie about?"
"Well to be completely honest, it's an autobiographical retelling of our early romance but with some slight fictional elements that have some plausible deniability but in the end the whole world will basically know it's us. I just really want to show the world how you are literally the perfect man."
"Married to the perfect woman. Wait, does this mean that we'll play the leads?"
"Of course. After all we are literally the GOATs of Hollywood romance."
"And since this is a romance movie will we have lots of kissing scenes?"
"You bet your Emmys there will."
"Making out with my wife is TIGHT."
"So you like the movie?"
"Carrie, I am your husband and madly in love with you. Even if you weren't an Oscar award winning writer, I would greenlight literally ANYTHING you wrote."
"Nice. So you want to practice the kissing scenes?"
"You bet."
