The Princess Diaries
On my first day on the job, I nearly became miserable before filming even began over my costume of choice. At 5 in the morning hours before filming proper began with myself not even in the first shot, I had to drag my tired self to the set where I was met with Farah and a lovely Irish hairdresser named Pat. I was very confused on why I needed to come so early when all I had to do was wear a dress and put on some makeup, when Pat showed me the sketches for Leia, and I had to wear bagels on the side of my head for my "Iconic" Leia look. Apparently it's based off of some female outlaw who rode with Pancho Villa and Farah argued that it helped to cement my image as a rebel while Pat assured me I would fit in since this was a space movie and everyone in a space film looked alien and futuristic in a sense. Both girls were incredibly nice and encouraging, but throughout the entire process I felt miserable and humiliating, like I was being set up for some bad joke of the ugly girl who had a god-awful yearbook photo.
I would have probably been frustrated and embarrassed throughout the entire shoot if it wasn't for the intervention of Bruce. Right as I was finished and ready to head out and be made the but of countless jokes by the crew and laughed at by countless theater audiences; Bruce knocked softly on the door and asked sweetly if he could escort his beloved princess to the castle. I steeled myself to look like a damnit doll in front of my husband when Bruce walked in and all feelings of negativity where washed away upon seeing Bruce as Han Solo. Bruce looked so cool and sexy as John Milner, and the charisma and hotness that he had in Graffiti seemed to exponentially increase as Han. Strutting in with that space swagger, his GORGEOUS hair combed in a perfectly wavy fashion, navy blue slacks that hugged his perfectly built legs just right, and a vest and shirt combo that gave him a roguish air like one of Clint's cowboys that went perfectly with his smoulder.
I think I almost forgot to breathe a few seconds as my breath was literally taken away by the dashing scoundrel Han Solo. I can't greatly recall Bruce's reaction, but apparently Farah tells me that he had a similar experience, gazing at me in a loving trance that was probably similar to those special looks he gives whenever I dress fancy for classy dates or red carpets. The staring exchange was broken when Bruce then engaged in a animated conversation with Pat in Irish, something I could barely pick up thanks to months of failed lessons. Not registering Bruce's reaction, I looked downward in shame for the buns, waiting for any teasing. After he finished with Pat, I cautiously asked, "How do I look?"
"Beautiful and regal, like the princess you always have been."
"And the buns?"
"Absolutely adorable. Like I'm seeing you in the library for the first time."
While I'm still not a great fan of the buns, knowing that Bruce is absolutely in love with the Leia look has helped to grow them on me, they're even quirky and cute in a weird space-ish way like Pat said. Hopefully I don't cause any major fashion trend like how half of LA started wearing bucket hats thanks to me, but I doubt even if the movie's a blockbuster that something like that would happen. What girl in their right mind would want donut hair?
.....
Out of the entirety of my career, playing Princess Leia will be my greatest challenge, and likely will remain so for some time. Up til now I've either been in my comfort zone with music, or in the case of Some Nights performed a role that was intimate and autobiographic, one where I had complete creative control and knew every emotional beat and story point that I needed to work with. Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan is a stranger born from the mind of George Lucas, a space princess leading a galactic rebellion against a tyrannical Empire. Well at least I got the princess part down, it's what everyone has treated me as for all my life, a title I used to hold with disdain until Bruce's loving and reverent usage made react with giddy and joy when called such my by beloved and dashing emerald knight. Some parts come easy to me, the commanding leadership of a crisis, the inspirational charisma that draws the heroes and rebellion, the spitfire defiance to submission. Other aspects are plaguing me and I feel we can't come to a precise solution. One such is the destruction of my beloved homeworld Alderaan. I feel like the death of my family and planet should be something that should force Leia into depression and sorrow, but it's hard to muster such feelings for a fictional world that my character has never shown to step foot on, where all I have for a frame of reference is storyboard art.
While my performance has its flaws, I now I can always get back up from stumbling and improve whenever I watch Bruce perform. For the spaceship and first half of the Death Star rescue, I got to stand by George and finally be able to watch Bruce act without a television or film screen separating us. I've known for years he is heavily talented thanks to MASH and American Graffiti, but seeing him live brings a feeling of awe and inspiration that not even Broadway's best could match. Every emotion he displays, every word he says, ever action he takes has defining purpose and he fuses so well with the character it's like I'm watching the genuine Han Solo instead of my husband. It's a shame that Bruce is averse to stage work, I could just watch for hours and get lost in his glorious performances. Yet somehow despite being the best actor I know, he seriously says that I'm the better actor of the marriage. What does he see that I can't?
........
I have to say it's been a very fun challenge throughout trying to nail Han and Leia's chemistry and relationship towards one another with Bruce. My first preference would be to have us play out like a classic fairy tale and have Bruce sweep me off my feet as we fall in love at first sight while escaping evil wizard's lair, but Star Wars while a fantasy in space is more complex than the classics and thus for a decent run of the film I have to act like my husband is the most obnoxious being in the galaxy. At first it's really difficult as while I remember the lines and can get the emotions right, it's tough to really stay cross with him and vice versa with the both of us eventually breaking out into smiles and loving stares, something George tries his best to keep to a minimum.
Fortunately, Bruce and I are able to work out a method of staying at odds with one another, mainly by constantly projecting all the tiny little details and and annoyances that sometimes tire each other. At the same time we work on a lot of the subtle emotions and attitudes beneath the surface, how we're feeling in the moment and reacting to this monumental adventure. Such prep work would include many hours spent reading into the vast "Lore Bible" that Bruce, Dave and George have prepared, including a biography for Leia long enough to be worthy of a Britannica page. In the end I think we're getting somewhere strong, a case of opposites attract and falling in love with all the little details.
......
Throughout my future career as an actor, I don't think I'll ever encounter a Director quite like George Lucas. At the Graffiti premiere, everyone I spoke to described George as a heavily lassie-faire filmmaker who was content to have his movie be an improv plot and rarely took command and control of his cast. Gene was rather quite the opposite, being a controling perfectionist who would critique and comment on every minor detail of blocking and emotions, ready to monologue for several minutes on what we did right and wrong. George on the other hand can be very vague, or at least vague to us actors. When he's giving directions and commands for the props or set design he goes extremely in detail like a college professor and notices all these little details that go past everyone's heads. He's also very great at storytelling and really helping to engage us with the plot by going really deep and complex with the plot and giving us a real understanding and appreciation for the universe. When he's forced to actually direct the actors though? George seems to get really nervous and uncomfortable, very unsure and cautious. He also has this really weird habit of giving really simple directions for our performances like "Faster", "More energy", "Less Dramatic", "Quieter" and then half the time when he says it, he seems to wince and stumble in giving more detailed explanations. This only happens when it comes directing our performances and chemistry. George can be really amazing with camerawork, but place him as a leader and he can act like a introverted 5th grader just elected class president.
Fortunately Bruce is there as his second, he's really helping George to perform at his best and keep things focused. Usually whenever George is having troubles with a scene that he can't easily fix or is unsure of what to do, he converses with Bruce on how things should play out and an hour or so a day along with all the action scenes, Bruce will usually sit on the Director's chair and guide us through the process. To me Bruce is the dictionary definition of a director; precise, detail-orientated, passionate and professional. He knows perfectly how to work the choreography and can really add new dimensions to the movie through action and body language. He's also very emotionally intimate with the characters and has really helped me to make Leia a deep character that audiences can relate to and be inspired by. It's very easy to tell with Bruce that you're working with an Emmy-nominated actor and I'm so excited for the day when it's the two of us as the great dynamic filmaking duo. I'll write, he directs, we both star; it's my dream career. Hopefully one day 50 years from now when America thinks of the cinematic greats, think first of the O'Brians.
.......
NEVER WILL I EVER IN MY CAREER WRITE A SCENE THAT TAKES PLACE IN A GODDAMNED SEWER! Okay, perhaps I am overexaggerating a bit, but today we just concluded perhaps the most uncomfortable experience of my production on Star Wars, one that almost makes me wish to film the entire movie without a bra; the trash compactor scene. When I read it during the table read, it seemed like a pretty innocent scene in question. Have our heroes be stuck in a claustorphobic situation after narrowly escaping from jail, give some thrills with Luke versus the alien, and then present danger with the walls closing only for the plucky little droids to save the day. I thought we were going to be acting in a small indoor pool with rubber props, but NO! I don't know what the hell George put in there and I'm too afraid to ask, but I'm pretty sure that he had the propmaster and set designer construct the room to be as authentic as a New York sewer as possible. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if there was actual shit down there.
The entire place smelled like a landfill and it was hard to get the blocking done right with all the uneven terrain and mushy dirt water where I felt like I had to waddle myself around the scene to do anything. For a while I tried to pin myself on top of a trash hill so I could limit my moving, but George wasn't a fan since he said it made me dead weight in the scene. Fortunately, Bruce suggested a compromise where Leia clings to Han heavily in discomfort before and after Luke gets pulled down by the monster so that way we can show Leia as a princess being heavily out of her element and forced to rely on a scoundrel she just met, while also showing Han's tender side and setting up some chemistry. Being in constant contact with Bruce made the whole nightmare bearable and he actually did a pretty amazing job with stunt oversight and helping George with the blocking, really helping Mark to sell the danger of his near death by trash squid and helping me and Peter during the squeeze when we were stumbling around, metaphorically and literally.
I'm really thankful that Bruce has Directing experience and Peter is a master at stuntwork because otherwise I feel we would have been in the trash room for days and I was almost tempted to fight George for a salary bump for the trouble. The room got so hot and humid during filming that I felt I was in a sauna and since then my sense of smell was thrown wildly off balance. Bruce and I got off relatively light in terms of stink while Mark stank like a skunk and poor Peter was a walking stink bomb with the Chewbacca suit nearly being burned with how awful it smelled until they managed to find a carpet cleaner in London to fix it, thus giving us the next day off. If there is one benefit to this disgusting adventure, it's that Bruce and I had an excuse to spend several hours in the shower together. While we did have a bit of fun, it was tough to make the experience romantic when we had to go through half a dozen bars of soap to get the job done. If we ever renew our vows, I'm very tempted to add "In spring meadows and trash compactors."
.......
Today I take my first steps as an action woman, having just completed days of choreography and stunt work for the hallway firefight in our escape and my little swing stunt with Mark. One of my favorite things about Leia is that I'm not just crying for a prince charming to rescue me, but I'm an active leader in the rebellion and always fighting the Empire, something I hope I'm able to show and inspire millions of little girls across the world with these scenes. Unfortunately we can't really come close to something as epic as Obi-wan versus Vader because the Stormtroopers can't see a thing and the laser flashing makes it hard to focus. Bruce does his best to at least make the choreography decent, and he spends several hours with me and Mark trying to get our "Gun-fu" as accurate as holding real guns. I'm not ashamed to say that more than once I failed intentionally so he would go for a "hands-on" and close approach to teaching. While I think I'm a decent rookie marksman, the main problem was getting the timing right where I both wouldn't stand around so long to look like an open target but wouldn't look like a chipmunk scurrying for cover. Also the lasers made George force to go for multiple takes as I was either blinking heavily from the light or shooting with my eyes closed. Bruce suggested that maybe we could integrate it into the lore, that Leia is very inexperienced with blasters so it's one of her first firefights, but I thought it was silly that a Rebel leader never used a gun before, so I had to stick to it and spend hours playing laser tag with the Stormtroopers.
Thankfully it wasn't all shooting as I actually got to perform some decent stunts. I really wanted to go full Batgirl and beat everyone I came across to a bloody pulp, and while Bruce was very eager to Push Leia into such an action gal, unfortunately we found out that Tai Chi is meant to solely be used for defense and I had very poor reflexes and hand eye coordination to engage in prolonged martial arts while the Stormtroopers couldn't really do great hand to hand and the only one who was on the same level as Bruce was Peter and Toshiro. I'm most definitely going to have to have Bruce teach me Kung Fu, or maybe I'll start learning karate. It wasn't all bad news unfortunately as Bruce managed to sneak a few moves in. I got to punch an Imperial officer out cold with a jab to the face, kick a Stormtrooper down an escape pod, and I got to throw a Stormtrooper down one of the Death Star's shafts to their doom. The rope swing was pretty cool and fortunately with Bruce guiding Mark and I, everything went perfect and we only needed three takes to get it done thanks to Mark having the upper body strength of Tarzan. I just pray that the kiss on the cheek doesn't mean anything in the long-run and Leia ends up with Han. Mark's such a sweet guy and if it were any other movie I wouldn't mind playing his love interest, but I'm acting alongside my hubby and you can bet this movie's 15 million budget that this Princess is going to be a Solo gal.
......
Some days I wonder if I'm in the middle of something monumental to film history and I just don't know it. I have faith in Star Wars and think it's possible to be a contender to Some Nights or The Godfather, but while the cast is on board for the movie and optimistic of its success, the crew and greater Lucasfilms production seem to hold Star Wars in some sort of high reverence, a sacred film that is going to transform Hollywood as an institution. While the cast is focused on Star Wars as a single film with some distant hopes of seeing the full trilogy through, the crew has distant eyes of Star Wars as a franchise with everyone high and low dreaming of what they can do to make the galaxy far, far away larger and more real. The space bug seems to have infected Bruce the hardest, always planning and excited to see what he can do to expand the scope and ambition of the film. The other day we had an O'Brian-Lucas double date, and half of the meal George and Bruce were off in their own little world talking about Jedi, Sith, the Force, Clone Wars and more. When I created Some Nights, to me it was a one and done deal to confront the fear of a life without Bruce and grow as a writer and actress. Here Bruce, George and so many others are treating Star Wars as a slice of culture that will continue for the rest of their lives, if not beyond. As happy as I am to film three movies, I must confess I can't imagine a future where Star Wars is always part of my life.
.....
Another aspect of George as a Director that surprises me is his eagerness and passion for experimental filming and improv scenes. It's not the whimsical and carefree "Art" of those bastard editors who nearly aborted Some Nights, but every now and then when George is in the mood he'll either call a break and work with Dave on a couple of pages to really expand a scene or take it into a new direction, or he'll have us go off-script entirely and go "Graffiti-Style" to try and enhance the experience with our passions. It's a process that I don't think I could possibly go through if I was writing the script, but Marcia assured us that the experiments will only enhance the movie and not take away from it, and a lot of the supporting cast is pretty happy to have more screentime. For myself I had 3 types of experiments; confrontations with Vader or Tarkin, more interactions with Han and Luke, or scenes of leading the Rebellion. By far my favorite scene is one that is almost entirely improved between Han and Leia.
After we escape the Death Star and head to Yavin, Han and Leia are in the cockpit and we reveal to the audience that the Falcon was allowed to escape and is being tracked, thus leading to the Battle of Yavin. Apparently George felt more needed to be said, so instead of an exposition scene, we were told to transition to an emotional character introspection where Han asks Leia if she's alright after Alderaan, and Leia in a moment of privacy with a stranger is allowed to break down and confess her sorrows and fears while Han opens up about his hidden past. In that moment I think I was finally able to fully come into my own as Princess Leia and show the complexity and roundness of her character through showing vulnerability without ever once falling into weakness. Bruce gave a wonderful performance of his own, showing how Han is more of a compassionate hero than a scoundrel and displaying dramatic range that was present in his best scenes on MASH. It does wonders for both characters and really sets them up strong as a potential couple. Hopefully Marcia can keep it in.
.....
It's kind of a shame that the finale of our grand adventure is the act where Leia is at her least interesting narratively. After the Yavin prep where I have intimate moments with Han and Luke and show some of Leia's skill at leadership, I'm just shuffled into a command center where my only contributions are just staring anxiously at what looks like a space roulette board while the clock runs down. George to his credit tried to make the command center scenes more exciting and interactive, but nothing ever quite stuck and thus I kind of just stand around while Luke saves the day with Han and Chewie acting as the cavalry saviors. At least we got the award ceremony and it's going to be nice to finally ditch the buns and adopt something more traditional with braids and a ponytail. Farah really outdid herself with the victory dress, so artistic and gorgeous, I look like a Disney princess! Hopefully I'm able to recapture some of that wedding magic for the camera.
Closing her diary with a content sigh, Carrie placed it and her pen on the nightstand on her side of the bed in hers and Bruce's hotel room. If there was one thing she was looking forward to with production ending, it was finally going back home and sleeping in her bed with Natalie and Ginger keeping loyal company on their pillows. It was ironic, at the start of the year she had been restless and eager to act, and now after five months of production she couldn't help but feel terribly homesick. At least for Star Wars, she would never be alone with her beloved husband by her side.
Carrie looked to her left and smiled as she saw Bruce reading the Complete Works of William Shakespeare intently. He had been on a binge spree of English literature since filming started in London and he spent many a night softly reciting plays as they drifted off to sleep.
Throughout filming they hadn't been too physical at night, due to both usually being exhausted at the end of the day and the challenge of having to keep their passions quiet after a exhausted and red-eyed Mark had asked embarrassingly if they could keep the volume down. Instead most of their nights had been spent reading, watching TV or simply talking. In spite of the monotony of such activity, to Carrie it was just as wonderful for the quiet intimacy and love through their company, firmly cementing the reality of her marriage as normal and filled with just as much love as the honeymoon bliss.
Closing the book to release a yawn and stretch, Bruce looked around the room and locked eyes with Carrie, developing a smile just as sweet and pure as her own. "Hey." Bruce greeted.
"Hey." Carrie said in return, the two then exchanging a soft peck on the lips.
Bruce leaned back, his eyes observing Carrie from top to bottom, "So...do you want to?" Bruce asked openly, trying to get a read for her body language.
It didn't need to be said what he was asking about, although Carrie was a bit surprised that she appeared to be giving off such signals, "Not right now, I just want to cuddle." She requested.
"Okay." Bruce said happily, scooting towards her with open arms, with Carrie then inching towards him and happily entering the embrace, nuzzling into him and squeezing tight as Bruce held her cherishingly.
Time paced by in treasured slowness for the young couple, content with the warmth and devotion of the embrace while the soft cries of the outside Guatemalan nature kept them company.
Carrie would likely have drifted off to sleep if Bruce didn't speak, "Carrie, are you....have you been happy with the production?" Bruce asked cautiously.
Carrie looked to her husband "Yeah, it's been pretty great. Why wouldn't I be?"
Bruce looked caught off guard a bit and debated internally for a few seconds before pressing on. "Well, it's just that you've been writing in your diary a lot since filming began." Bruce said with a nod towards her diary on the nightstand, giving Carrie a light frown.
Writing had been Carrie's first drug of sorts and in the days before she met Bruce, she would often take to writing in her diaries as a form of solo therapy. Usually she wrote daily journals, poems, short stories and other forms of literature with the goal of unloading her stress in private and working through the great highs and lows of her mind.
After she returned from New York, she gave Bruce permission to read on a whim, trusting him with her literary sanctum. Unfortunately, her latest entries at the day had been her cope entries of her depressive episodes and the stress of New York, leading Bruce to be hyper concerned and attentive for a while when she had been perfectly fine.
Since then he would never show interest in reading her diaries, though on occasion would read entries if Carrie insisted to get his perspective on certain experiences and feelings. Some diaries she was more than happy to share with Bruce, others she was deathly afraid of what would happen if he read a single page, such as a certain journal she had for venting of the fears and anxieties that she had of potential motherhood, one with so few blank pages.
"It's not like I only write when I'm depressed or anxious." Carrie protested "Ever since I met you, there's been a lot of happy pages and chapters written. Sometimes I write when life's good or bad, or if nothing happens at all. I just add new pages whenever I'm in the mood." Carrie explained.
Bruce looked a bit ashamed and regretful at her words, "There's nothing wrong with that and I don't want to control or limit what you write. It's just that I was-" Bruce started to ramble, before Carrie silenced him with a finger to his lips.
"I know, you're just worried. If there's ever anything that I'm struggling with and can't process on my own, I'll let you know, always." Carrie promised. As great as some of her fears and insecurities may be, she would never let them drown or cripple her for she trusted Bruce and knew she could always rely on him to catch her when she falls.
The tension briefly building within Bruce's body evaporated at her words, with Carrie showing her gratitude with a soft kiss, leading to a dear and delicate exchange, "Honestly I just love that I got to spend so many months working with you, finally seeing you get to act, direct and produce. That alone makes Star Wars a leagues better experience than Some Nights." Carrie said sincerely.
"I'll be sure to keep it a secret from John that he's your worst co-star." Bruce joked, making Carrie giggle and smack him playfully as John had oftentimes been the main aid in getting her through Some Nights.
"Honestly with Marcia in the editing room I think Star Wars is going to turn out to be my favorite movie." Bruce said.
"Not your wife's debut, the greatest musical of all time?" Carrie joked back, making Bruce laugh. Although she was more content if the answer was yes.
"Well it's definitely my favorite production so far. Finally, a film where everything goes decently beyond minor hiccups on set and I don't have to deal with assholes in suits." Bruce said in great relief. Carrie was more than glad as murphy's law always seemed to have it hard for Bruce, turning him into such a paranoid mess when he deserved disaster the least.
"But my favorite part is always going to be working with you. Dad always told us we should do what we love for careers, and not only do I get to do that, but I'm going to the set every day with the woman I love." Bruce said, gazing into her eyes with total adoration.
"Bruce." Carrie whispered, burying her face into his chest to hide her bashful smile. It was always nice to be married to a romantic.
"You know, if we weren't already married, I'm completely sure I would have proposed to you during production." Bruce stated, making Carrie shoot her head up and stare at him in total shock.
"Really?" Carrie asked in bafflement, yet at the same time she was very happy to hear such words. Up until they moved to their house, Carrie had been silently inflicted with guilt for asking Bruce to marry her right after her birthday, to rush into marriage at such a young age when Bruce had not shown any hard desires prior to her proposal. His firm commitment and near death experience kept Carrie's anxiety at rest, especially after they exchanged vows. Still, the multitude of tabloid pieces and Hollywood commentary speculating if she was following in her mother's footsteps made her question herself every now and then.
Now she could put such concerns of speed at rest with this newfound knowledge.
Bruce nodded at her question, "Each passing day since we've been married has been the happiest of my life. I'm just so grateful to be your husband, and acting alongside you and seeing you perform in all of your glory makes me want to make as many films with you as possible and gets me so excited that you're the woman I get to spend the rest of my days with."
Carrie returned to burrowing her head into Bruce's chest, both to hide her tomato colored blush and to wipe away the happy tears through nuzzling on his shirt. She wanted to return the sentiment, to deliver her love in the same flowery and poetic confessions that Bruce was so skilled at doing. But unable to form anything due to the pure joy flooding her brain, Carrie settled for; "I love you."
"I know."
A/N: So for those without context, the majority of this Omake is supposed to be entries from Carrie's diary which she wrote in Star Wars. OTL, Carrie published a book called "The Princess Diarist" that goes over her time in Star Wars with a third of the book showing her actual diary entries. The rest of it is how she got to become Leia, her five month affair with Harrison Ford and then the aftermath of Star Wars. Pretty great read, although unfortunately I can't provide a faithful adaptation of her diaries because almost all of it is poetry or short vents about her anxieties, relationship with Ford and frustrations with her contemporary life that I feel I can't accurately portray in spirit. Here I think with Bruce her diary entries would be more conventional and focus on the highs and lows in equal amount. Of course, if The Princess Diarist does get published ITTL, something tells me a fair amount will be fluff and gushing about her early marriage with Bruce.
