Conrad's Bad Hair Day
Conrad Bach was not amused.
It had been an entire year where Lucasfilms acquisition department had been left to, well, not to rot exactly, but at the very least in a bit of a hiatus. Many of the members put to work on different projects or to assist on the legal procedures and discussions for the marketing department. After all, Lucasfilms Unlimited may be as generous a company as it can be, but it nonetheless is not going to pay for its employees to be lazy or just let them waste their time as they wait for something that is not going to happen.
And frankly speaking, Conrad preferred it that way. For a while now he'd been the one who was usually sent in order to try and negotiate a deal to acquire the rights for different franchises, trying to get owners to sell their clearly out-of-date and crumbling companies for a greater price than what they were worth, and not to mention the difficulty of having to deal with the artistic types that took one look at his suit and decided that they were not going to sell their souls to a corporation, leaving him with weeks to months of discussions before they finally allowed him a chance to state his case.
For the first time in a long while Conrad was finally living the life he had expected when joining Lucasfilms; working for Mr. Eisner in Marketing, dealing with mostly local to national issues, and brokering deal between the different departments of the company, or with different ones to promote the new developments to come. Already the Bomberman campaign was gathering steam, while the Undertale deals required his attention.
All perfectly ready for another day in Lucasfilms.
So, when he heard that once more the acquisition department was needed in order to broker a new deal with another filming Company, his back felt a chill. When he heard that it was with a company that was in the Federal Republic in Germany, the chill became a stomachache. And when he heard that once more he was called to broker said deal, which would take him to one of the places where the Cold War, despite what many thought, was still very hot between all kinds of different agents from both sides of the Iron Curtain...
Yeah, he was not amused at all.
He sighed as he once more checked on his papers as he waited for his flight to be called, his luggage at his side ready to grab and take the moment he was called. He had made sure that everything was just in the right place so as to not suffer from what he'd heard many of his colleagues had when travelling through Europe. He shivered as he recalled some really nasty rumors about the experiences of having to travel through Italy, and the many issues that it involved.
However, he was nothing if not adaptable; he'd made sure to bring a backpack with him with all his documents and necessities, as well as making sure to keep it always hooked around his arms. He'd brought enough money as well to last for his stay, as well as the cards and travelling cheques to pay for his stay at the Hotel and the travel to Frankfurt. He had his documents, and he had the number to call a well renowned transport agency that could take him to Neue Constantin Films.
He might feel apprehensive at this trip and trying to once more convince another company to work with Lucasfims, but no one will say that he is not prepared or willing to take on the risk. He was a veteran in acquisitions, and a veteran in dealing with both men and companies alike. He'd spoken to both irascible individuals and those who were on the fence. He'd had to make deals and think on his feet to get to where he is today.
He was sure that he could handle whatever was coming.
2 Days Later
Conrad Bach was equal parts not amused, scared, hurt all over his body, and sick... more of the latter than the others at the moment. Ever since he awoke, just a few minutes ago, he'd felt like a platoon of very angry giraffes was trying to do the conga line in his head. It did not help that he did not know where he currently was, except that it was certainly not the room of his hotel.
The location he was currently in was not helping either; a sterile white room with a mirror on the side, a single table and a chair where he was currently sitting, and another opposite to him with no one on sight. The light from the lamp was shining bright enough to hurt his eyes, and that combined with his killer headache it was making the entire situation near unbearable.
What the fuck happened yesterday?
He recalled having arrived in Frankfurt, he recalled having made it tohis hotel (with his entire luggage, and not a single piece lost nor stolen), he'd made a call back to the office to let them know of his arrival and whether there have been any last-minute changes. He recalled going downstairs to the Bar and have a small nightcap before going to bed, and then...
Hisss...
God, that was a strong one. He did not think that he'd ever had a hangover as strong as this one. Yet, at the same time, there did not seem to be the usual symptoms either. He may be wrong, it had been a long time since the last time he'd ever drank so much, but he should still be able to recollect what he felt back then. Even so, how the heck did he get so drunk from just a single drink?! He'd heard about German beer being stronger, but this was just ridiculou-
"{Mr. Bach?}"
The deep voice hid the sound of the door opening, as a couple of men in sharp suits entered the room, the one in the front speaking while the one on the back remained looking at him, the room, at nearly every place, making sure that there was no danger nor anything hidden within. Just what the heck did he expect to find here? He'd just woken up himself!
"Yes, that's my name."
"{Very well. I am Agent Klein. The man behind me is Agent Hoffman, both of us work with the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), and we just need to ask you a few questions}"
The Bunde- Fuck, they worked with the Federal Intelligence Service?! What the fuck?! What did you do!?
"{Mr. Bach? Are you with us}"
"Oh, right yes. I'm sorry, it's just been a weird... morning? Is it morning? And can any of you speak in English? Just because I know the language doesn't mean I can speak German."
The pair spoke among themselves for a moment before once more facing Conrad, Agent Klein speaking now with a thick German accent, but at least it was understandable English.
"Very well Mr. Bach. Now, as we were saying, we work with the BND, and normally we would not have crossed paths with you... had it not been for the meeting you found yourself at last night."
"Yes, I keep on noticing that. Look, I'm a lawyer, I work for Lucasfilms, I'm just here for a couple of weeks while I try to get the latest whim from my boss into his hands. I don't even remember what happened last night or... wait, you said meeting? I don't recall meeting anyone, heck my meeting with Constantin Films was supposed to be in a couple of days!"
"Mr. Bach, There's no easy way of saying this, so we'll just say it. You were nearly abducted by an East German Agent that, from what we've been able to...'find', was under no orders but his own belief that striking against you would be a blow against the 'O'Brian Supported Capitalist Empire' as he called it."
What.
No seriously. What.
"What? Waitwaitwait. That... how... when... just what happened that night?!"
"We managed to interview some of the witnesses who gave us an accurate blow by blow account. What is the last thing you recall?"
"I was going downstairs to take a small nightcap before going to bed, that's about it."
"I see... so you don't recall the man slipping a pill inside your drink?"
"Wha- no! I think I'd remember that!"
"Alright, what about you suddenly awakening as you're being carried through the door, and demanding a Lager?"
"...What?"
"Alright. How about punching said Soviet Agent with the glass for trying to stop you, while yelling, and I quote 'Fuck your ass, I earned this'"
"...What!?"
"Uh-huh. And you surely don't remember grabbing a chair as both of you started fighting each other while yelling how you were going to nail him like Jesus the Carpenter?"
"...WHAT!?!"
"And you certainly don't recall-"
"Stop!! Just...Stop, please. I just. Oh man, I can't deal with this..."
"Mr. Bach, we would usually suggest a drink might help you. IN your case however, don't"
"I- I understand... Look, i get it, something bad happened, I somehow managed to avoid being abducted, and apparently there is some weird reaction I have whenever I take...whatever it was they gave me when i drink alcohol-"
"Let's not even get into the part about threatening him about making the Eastern Front look like patty cake when you're done with him-"
"OKAY I get it!!! Urggh. Look, just... let me know how long I'm going to be here. I still need to meet with those Constantin Film fellows to finish my job here. I really need to know if I'll be late."
"Wait...Neue Constantin Films? And you're coming here to make the deal?"
"...Yeah."
Both agents shared a look, before the one sitting down spoke again. "Sir, Constantin Films has not worked here in over five years."
"...wait, what?! Nonono. I checked, Frankfurt is where they're supposed to have their headquarters in Germany!
"Yes. About five years ago before they went bankrupt. Nowadays they're situated in Munich."
Munich. In Bavaria. An entire state away. Closer to the border with East Germany if that's even possible...
"SONOFABITCH!!!!" He yelled as he flipped the table, causing the alarm to sound as droves of agents tackled onto him to contain him.
No one wanted to see a reproduction of whatever destroyed an entire bar by himself.
Needless to say, Conrad Bach was late, in pain, hangover, and very much not amused.
A.N.: I came up with this idea about having Conrad Bach, from my previous Omakes, perhaps find a measure of peace and quiet what with Bruce not having any new order for acquisition lately, only to now being given new orders to once more have to deal with troublesome people all over the world. The name for the Omake came from the N64 game. You know which I'm talking about.
