- Location
- somewhere hot
I think any drink named after a Clockwork Orange reference is probably better left alone.
-
Going forward, links to content from Twitter (now X) will no longer be embedded. Pre-existing links should not be affected.
Advice and Trust [NGE]
I think any drink named after a Clockwork Orange reference is probably better left alone.
- Location
- Online
This instantly made me think of the...Eva loops made by Innortal.
It always amazes me the kind of things people can be allergic too. I once heard of a girl who was allergic to...something produced by the male anatomy.
...Isn't this the third time we've had a discussion pf alcoholic beverages in this Thread?
That still sounds par the course with her to me.
What he(or is it she?) said.
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Which one, the Japanese video game or the SV quest of the same name?
Yeah, if you need to sleep, then by all means, take a nap.
- Location
- The Hub
"Phantom of the Eva."
If Michael Ball died in 2I I will be so disappointed.
If Michael Ball died in 2I I will be so disappointed.
- Location
- Really? This field is required?
Could be worse, you could be one of those people allergic to the sun.
- Location
- On a powder keg, next to a fire
Reminds me of a scent candle I once saw: "Writer's block candle: smells of rejected ideas and shame. Does it work? Man, I don't know, it's just a candle! Try vodka or something."
That, while certainly bad for a straight gal, can be somewhat managed. I read about people being allergic to water - their skin gets painfully irritated. That borders on horror.
It's a long and old thread, it's inevitable that some subjects return over time. I think it's fine.
017Bluefield
A foolish man of foolish labors
And this is why I only ever touch Japanese beer, on rare occasions. 
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
pale lager is much of a muchness wherever you go.And this is why I only ever touch Japanese beer, on rare occasions.
Dark Machine
Red or Dead
- Location
- Tokyo-1, Japan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
True. The mass produced stuff that's everywhere here is all lager and all meh. Even Yebisu is only a little better tasting than the other brands. It's when you get to the local beers and microbrews that Japanese beer starts to shine, it's just too bad that they're so expensive due to high taxes on beer and economies of scale.
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
Very confused, and not a small bit upset. See here for more.
It's 0507 here and I'm half full of Dominican rum. Therefore, this is hilarious.
Still writing.
Evangelion: The Hangover Pt 11 - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
Oh... hey. It's 0618 here. I think I should have gone to bed and finished this 'tomorrow'.
Oh well!
Hangover Pt 11
In which there is sex and screaming.
No, seriously, the first scene is plain smutty and a cameo for a certain person. Skip that if wanted. All the plot, such as it is, happens in the later bits. Ritual reminder that everyone involved is over 20 now.
Enjoy.
+++
+++
Rei finished putting her coat back on and gave the woman one last pat on the head. Cleaning her up and taking off the bindings had taken a while, but Rei was attentive to details and aftercare. She had a diligent reputation to uphold among her clients, after all. For some of them, the mother-goddess-ing afterwards was the point, even.
"All good to sleep, Miss?"
Weak, happy mumbles from under the blanket.
"Same time next month, as usual?"
More happy mumbles, with a vaguely positive note.
"The bill will be sent two days ahead of then, so you may anticipate. Goodbye."
Mumbles.
Rei stepped out of the door, into the cool Norweigian night of late May. Rei didn't really need the coat, but she did like the fashion, and her wife had bought it for her, in any case. She made sure the door was locked on the apartment, and stepped to the edge of the balcony. It was going to be a long flight home. This woman was fortunate she was such a long-time loyal customer.
Rei jumped off the balcony.
+++
"More, please."
"I do not believe this," Asuka muttered. She handed Kaworu another bowl of what was allegedly 'spicy pepper' ramen and 100-yen Instant Curry from the discount bin at the nearest Ito Yokado grocery. It smelled like someone had set a fire in the garbage can behind a cheap Indian restaurant that had lost its license.
Kaworu almost snatched the bowl out of her hands and eagerly began to spoon up the latest hot, steaming pile of what was technically characterized as 'cooking' by the chef, one Misato Katsuragi.
"Hey, it's hot, it's fresh, and he loves it," the cook defended. "How can you complain about how much he likes it?" Misato reflexively reached for the beer on the tabletop between them and visibly flinched when she had to stop and pull her hand back. She took a deep sip of the UCC canned coffee she'd been forced to adopt as a substitute since she learned she was pregnant. Her Children had tried to point out the acid and caffeine were also bad for her in her state, and she threatened to pull a gun on the first one that tried to take away her coffee too.
"I'm 'hot, fresh, and he loves me', but if I smelled like that, I'd still tell him not to eat me," Asuka rebutted tartly. "How the fuck did you convince my poor stupid husband to eat that crap?"
"He used to join me for dinner a lot the year after the war, when he and Rei were 'off' and you and Shinji were 'on'. You two didn't have a lot of time for anyone being around when you wanted to be 'on' him, remember?"
Asuka rolled her eyes, but looked away. "Like you and Kaji were much better. And we still had Rei hang out with us! And Kaworu, whenever he and Rei were 'on'."
"Because…" Misato drawled, letting it hang.
"....what?" Asuka somehow blushed.
"Because...." Misato leered.
Asuka pouted. "You're going to force me to say it, just to make your point, aren't you?"
"Abso-freaking-lutely."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Because my wife is and was a huge pervert who liked to watch and join in, and that turned me on too, blah blah blah. You are never letting that one drunk admission go, are you?"
"No-pe!" Misato smugged.
"That better not imply you got up to anything lewd with my future husband, old lady," Asuka threatened. "And you can try to bring that up all you like, but it's a lot harder to embarrass me with that admission when I'm going to be sleeping cuddled up between them both tonight."
Misato waved that away with the can of coffee. "Details. Still fun. And you and Shinji being so goo-goo at those times chasing him off and Rei not being always with him is why he'd end up at my place between boyfriends, and for whatever reason he loves my cooking."
Kaworu gave a fervent nod from his spot at the table, to busy stuffing curry and ramen in his mouth to answer verbally. "Nnffom, nnfomp, 'is guf stuff!" he mumbled indistinctly between swallows. He gulped a huge wad down to clear his mouth. "So delicious!"
"Is this some kind of masochism thing, since if we have drinks tonight mister 'hangover is going to make me puke up at least three internal organs' over there is going to regret life even more than he usually does on those mornings if he's barfing up a bunch of extra-spicy crap like that." Asuka said, raising an eyebrow.
"Wurf it!" Kaworu said blurrily, slurping down the broth at the bottom of the cup. "Oh, sooooo good. More?"
"That is your fourth bowl, you lunatic," Asuka commented. "You are so going to regret this in the morning."
"Mmmf, never," Kaworu said, wiping his chin. "Katsuragi-san always made sure I never went to sleep hungry in those days, and I never felt too alone."
Asuka looked uncomfortable. "Well… that's our job now, dufus. So…" Asuka winced. "I can… ugh, I can have Misato teach me how to 'cook' like she does, so I can feed you this… stuff too?"
Misato, in the middle of taking another swig of canned coffee, laugh-snorted so hard she shot some out her nose, and spent the next full minute coughing and laughing so hard she was crying. Asuka shot her dirty looks that failed in the light of Misato being unable to open her eyes.
Kaworu finished putting the empty cups and plates in Misato's sink and gave Asuka a beaming smile. "Ah, m'love, that is the sweetest thing you've said to me in months, possibly since Vegas. I know how much it means for you to say that. I do have to wonder how you are going to stop our dear husband and king of the kitchen at our abode from making you eat some of it as punishment for bringing it into our house. You know what he thinks of Katsuragi-san's kitchen skills, and the products thereof."
Asuka frowned and looked in the general direction of their apartment. "Erm… I may need to distract him to buy me some time to explain."
"You could just say out loud it's because you like seeing your second husband happy, Asuka," Misato teased, finally mopping the last of the coffee off her already quite stained 'around the house' t-shirt. "And that you don't want to insult Shinji's talents by making him make a 'Katsuragi special'-style dinner, mm?"
"I also don't want to do anything that makes him give me that 'hurt puppy' look. He is becoming aware of how powerful that is," Asuka grumped. "At least Rei is supposed to get home first tonight. She said she's going to want er…" She glanced at Misato's growing smirk. "'Everyone's attention' when she gets home."
Misato wiggled her eyebrows. "So my husband and I should make sure we have the volume turned up on a movie to drown you all out?"
Asuka did flush a little. "Misato, I have no idea what it is about Rei's mysterious side job that has her coming home so 'wound up' some nights, but I… we all damn sure enjoy it. So yes, turn up your movie and stop wiggling your eyebrows at me like that. We're married, it's all proper."
Misato opened her mouth to make some sly rebuttal, but paused. "Oh… Ohhhhh… Asuka, I think I've got your distraction." She stood up and grabbed something off the shelf above the refrigerator. She turned back to the pair at the table and thrust the object at the man still stuffing himself with 'food'. "Kaworu, I think it's time we show Asuka what happens when you go Swiss."
+++
Rei slid open the door between the balcony and the living room. "I am home," she announced in her usual soft, cool voice. "I am amorous and desire the comfort of my spouses."
The living room's huge half-moon couch had all three of her spouses on it. Or partly on it, to be fair. Asuka was struggling to push Kaworu back onto the seat he was currently sliding out of. Shinji was sitting staring at the gray-haired young man, an expression of intense confusion on his face. He blinked and looked up at Rei's entrance. "Oh, um… welcome home, Rei. Dinner is in the oven. Kaworu is… um…"
"Stoned off his fucking ass," Asuka growled. "He's been like this for most of an hour, and Misato said he had enough he'll probably be like this for at least two more hours."
Rei paused in taking off her shirt and shoes. "He's… what?"
"Wait wait wait wait! This is important!" Kaworu suddenly stopped giggling long enough to gasp out. "There's also the one where we're all dogs! Cute little dogs! It's incredible! Shinji's a Chihuahua! So cute! And Asuka is a Cocker Spaniel! She was so angry! I think Misato was a greyhound… maybe an Afghan hound? Wheee hee hee!"
Rei looked from Asuka to Shinji and back again, waiting for more.
"He's stoned. He's spent the last hour telling us he can see through time and space, taste colors, hear the music of the spheres, and so on. For the last twenty minutes, he's been telling us about… um, alternate worlds, I think?"
"The one where Shinji and I are together, and you and Kaworu, but as two separate couples, the one where he and Shinji run a detective agency of all things, the one where the Evas are pistols and hand weapons somehow, the one where there are no Evas, and so on," Asuka listed. "The one about dogs is new."
"What do we do in a world without Evas?" Rei said, resuming taking her clothes off. Her blouse and bra followed her shoes over her shoulder in random directions. "He and I fight the Angels hand to hand while you cheer us on?"
"We went to high school as normal, and lived in a rom-com school show, sounds like," Asuka said, still wrestling Kaworu back into something like an upright seated position. "Misato was our homeroom teacher and you and I were love rivals over this other baka." She bobbed her head at Shinji.
Rei looked nonplussed. "Why do I not simply seduce you both?"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! There's the one where I'm really hot for Rei's sister Kei, and then she chased me across the rooftops with an axe!" Kaworu suddenly burst out, sitting upright. "It gave me a huge erection for some reason! Then Wuffles saved me, and Unit-02 was a doggie! Woof woof woof!" His head wobbled around to stare vaguely at Rei. "You spent a lot of time in the ceiling vents. Ceiling Rei is watching you masticate."
Rei cocked her head at him and gave him a gentle pat on the forehead. "I… see." She looked at Asuka. "What did Misato give him? And why is she drugging my already more spacey husband?"
"She said this was part of an attempt to distract Shinji from the news I am going to get," Asuka paused and chewed her lip for a moment, "what can loosely be described as 'cooking lessons' from Misato so I can make curry and crap the way she does because Kaworu likes it, for some reason. It turns out this dummy is a lot more distracting than we expected."
"I AM THE RAINBOW TROUT!" Kaworu suddenly shouted, then leaned over to begin snogging Shinji. He managed to plant his lips on Shinji's chin.
"Asuka, what did she give him?" Rei demanded.
"Chocolate."
Rei paused and blinked. "....I'm sorry, I thought you said 'chocolate'."
"I did."
"The confection? The sweet brown stuff you like to melt and lick off my-"
"Yes! That stuff!" Asuka interrupted, blushing. "She gave him a huge bar of Max Chocolatier from Lucerne, then a bar of Lindt dark chocolate with pomegranate seeds. About fifteen minutes later…" She waved at Kaworu, who had finally managed to lock in on Shinji's lips and was apparently giving the former Third Child a detailed dental health check.
Rei raised an eyebrow. "Chocolate does this to him? Fascinating. That explains why he spent an entire date with me three years ago calling me Rei, Kei, Kiko, Iti, Nana, Hachi, Zyuu, and Siyon on rotation after I gave him some truffles on Valentine's Day. Then he let me screw his brains out."
Kaworu stopped kissing his husband long enough to look up and sniff the air for a moment. "...Sound has a color now," he cheerfully intoned. He resumed kissing a very bemused Shinji.
Rei shook her head. "Two more hours of this, Misato estimated?"
"Yup."
"Hrm… Given his state, consent feels uncertain," Rei said, unhappily. "This is irritating, since I was very much looking forward to being extremely vigorously married right now, and for the rest of the evening saving our meal break."
Kaworu began trying to slip his hands down Shinji's pants, giggling. Shinji was making only mild resistance.
"I think you might have trouble stopping him from sleeping with us all, Rei," Asuka said with a crooked grin. "He's been pretty damn consistent through all of this on how he loves us and wants to have lots of sex. Which is weirdly comforting that he usually does with at least one of us in all these alt-worlds he's talking about."
"Good. I am far more horny than my average daily level due to work."
Asuka actually turned to fully look at Rei at this. "And why is that? Rei, this mysterious side job of yours you never say much about brings in a not inconsiderable amount of petty cash, takes you away to unknown places, and always seems to have you come home late and hornier than an entire field of three-headed cattle. What are you up to?"
"High class Dominatrix," Rei said blithely.
"......[What?]" Asuka's surprise kicked her right back into German.
"[A small list of clients around the world pay for me to visit them once a month, make them debase themselves before the 'Lilithian Goddess', force them to climax, et cetera. To taste for each, some aftercare, then I fly home. Sometimes I even use NERV planes.]"
At her wife's stare, she stepped closer to take Asuka into an embrace. Asuka became acutely aware that her wife was wearing stockings, a garter belt, a lacy bra, and a tiny smile. "[Um… how come we never knew this?]"
"[I am discreet, and keep it separated from our lives. I do not allow them to touch me, for example. Which is why I arrive home from such very eager for the company of my spouses, at length. It does get me quite hot, but I am faithful to my loves alone.]"
"[Rei, do you have any idea how fucking hot it makes me when you walk in, dressed like this, and try to get me, or them, in bed?"]
"[Yes.]"
"[Good,]" Asuka replied, dropping one hand to her waist to unbutton her jeans. "[Then you better make love to your wife right the fuck now, and drag our husbands to bed at the same time or sooner to round things off, since you've got me and them all hot too."]
"[You are not worried for our husband's condition?"] Rei asked, while still guiding Asuka backwards to the couch besides the already entwined males.
"[Misato knows I'd make her eat her own eyeballs if this permanently hurt Kaworu, so I'm not worried per se, just concerned over how hard it is to keep him safe until he comes down. But given she didn't seem worried, it's not that hard a worry, especially now that you're home, love,]" Asuka grinned, and began removing Rei's bra. Her hands rapidly began a thorough exploration of her wife's breasts.
"[Oh? Has this exploration of alternative universes given you new, appreciative insight of our love lives, my beloved wife?]" Rei asked with a small smile, helping take her wife's clothes off.
"[A little. Mostly it's given me an appreciation for how lucky I am to have married all three of you instead of having to choose, so get your perfect alabaster cheeks over here and join in,]" Asuka demanded, falling backwards closer to the already entwined Shinji and Kaworu.
"[Is it alright that I find this predictable and convenient?]" Rei half-heartedly pleaded.
"[Shut up and fuck your wife and husbands, Rei," Asuka chided, planting her lips on Rei's.
There was little more intelligent conversation for a while.
+++
Possibly surprisingly, Shinji was the first to rise from the pile of exhausted Soryu-Ayanamis. Somewhat later.
Alright, to be fair, about an hour and a bit later.
They loved each other, what do you want? You should try it.
Shinji tottered his way to the bathroom (needs of nature paramount), then to the near adjacent kitchen, his domain. He carefully shut down the oven and removed the casserole he'd put in earlier in anticipation of Rei's return. It was just a hair past perfectly cooked. A part of his brain had still kept track even more so than the oven's timer had.
He brought the casserole out to his spouses, carefully arranged on plates, in the wide-open space of their living room. Theoretically, his own house rules said full meals should not be served in this place, but given his three loves were all strewn about the half-moon couch's front in various positions, he was willing to waive that.
He put a plate down next to Kaworu's head. His husband was smiling happily, still ahead of the likely crash later. "Hiiiii, Shinji~. Have I mentioned the world where we're fighter pilots yet? The Eva's are like F-14s, but awesome! I'm still sleeping with Rei there, but we flirt, I think. You and Asuka are still a thing, obviously. And there was something about Las Vegas?"
"You did mention that one, yes. During round two with Rei."
"Oh, good. I like focusing on the happy ones. Not the ones where you have to kill me."
Shinji paused. "I don't like those either, love." He crouched near him and stroked Kaworu's hair.
"It's ok!" his husband insisted. "You're doing it because we have to. Especially in the one where I kissed you in my room. It has to be, so this world can be, right?"
"I'd never hurt you if there was any other way, Kaworu," Shinji tried to insist. His mind veered away from even thinking about a world where he had to kill the only man he really loved.
"I know, and it just makes me love you more," Kaworu said agreeably. "Are they ok?" He nodded vaguely in the direction of their wives.
"Just tired, as usual on days like this," Shinji said, putting a tray down next to Rei.
The blunette popped her eyes open and carefully disentangled herself from Asuka, clinging to her side. "I am ravenous, and still amorous. I desire both my husbands sandwiching me as soon as possible."
Shinji gave a single quiet laugh, careful not to disturb Asuka. "Of course, Rei. We've both still got enough for you, as ever."
"Gimme."
+++
Asuka blinked awake from a shallow sleep to behold her spouses being vigorously married. She enjoyed simple observation for a while. She was a bit logy from her first few rounds. When Rei came home from her 'side job', she was energetic. She needed to go to the bathroom anyhow.
"I'll be right back and one of you boys better be ready for me to ride," she stated, rising and wobbling towards the nearest of their several bathrooms.
Both Shinji and Kaworu threw her a vague thumbs up as they kept most of their attention on a very happy Rei.
+++
Asuka sat down on the toilet with a small sigh. It was always a good idea to empty her bladder before really getting into things when her wife was this randy, and she had to go anyhow. She'd had to go a bit much this week. Too much drinking. Sometimes she wondered what she'd done to deserve a life where she had to choose between 'eat a custom made Shinji meal now' and 'have sex with two men and a woman who love you more than breathing first', but she'd take it.
She idly reached for one of the tests Misato had left for her, since she had to piss anyway.
+++
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Rei lifted her head from between one of her husband's thighs and paused her energetic pushback against the other. Her wife was screaming and running back into the room, but it was… odd. It was not a scream of pain or terror. Rei was sadly familiar with what each of her spouses sounded like in such circumstances. This was new.
Asuka skidded around the corner from the hallway to the bathroom and almost ran her over, practically bowling Rei free from her happy spot between the two men. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Aaaaaa?" Rei responded. This was very confusing.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Asuka replied. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Rei blinked. And began screaming in synch. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kaworu rolled over and looked at the screaming women. He stared blankly for a moment, then turned to Shinji. "Buh? This wasn't in the world with the super robot wars. Or the one with the ancient robots in the medieval world. Any clue why the beautiful women we love are screaming?"
"I don't know, but-" Shinji got no further before Asuka let go of Rei and grabbed him pulling his face close.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she said carefully.
"Huh? I…" Shinji paused. "What are… oh. Oh gods. Oh gods. OH GODS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kaworu stared at his three screaming spouses. "Huh. This hardly ever happens. Even when we're dogs! On the other hand, I know what to do!"
He leaned his head back and howled at the moon.
+++
Misato cracked her eyes open a hair and glared death at her phone. "This better be good," she muttered. She picked up the phone and listened for twenty seconds.
She hung up the phone and rolled over on the futon to nudge her husband.
"Blugh? Huh? Wha?" he answered.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Misato said clearly in his face.
Oh well!
Hangover Pt 11
In which there is sex and screaming.
No, seriously, the first scene is plain smutty and a cameo for a certain person. Skip that if wanted. All the plot, such as it is, happens in the later bits. Ritual reminder that everyone involved is over 20 now.
Enjoy.
+++
Rei pressed her foot down on the panting young woman's face a little harder. "What are you?"
"Please, please, pleeeeease… may I cum, Mistress? I need to cum."
Rei ground her toes into the woman's cheek. "I asked you a question, slut. You know you do what I want first, before you ever ask anything."
"I'm trash, I'm trash, I'm worthless traaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!!" Her obedient babble and erratic attempts to kiss Rei's toes dissolved into a near howl as Rei thumbed a button on the control in her hand and turned the vibrator in her victim up to 9.
The recipient had no choice but to arch and thrash in response. Her hands were tied behind her back, her elbows a fixed distance apart, and her legs spread wide and bands of tape around the knees keeping her feet pressed up against her butt.
Rei abruptly turned the vibrator back to zero. "I did not give you permission to climax, worm."
The woman under her foot whimpered. Rei had been edging her for over an hour. "Please please please let me cum let me cum-"
"Who am I?"
"A goddess, a goddess, the goddess above this worthless garbage…"
Rei nodded coldly, her face expressionless. "And what do you do?"
"Worship the goddess, please please please…"
Rei presented her foot. The woman desperately began to kiss it, arching her back to get a better angle.
"So easy to arouse, so needy and wet. Worthless whore. Your only purpose in life is to lick the dirt and grit off my shoes, isn't it?"
"Yes, goddess, yes, please, goddess…"
Rei raised the control again. "And I command your release… Now."
She pushed the button.
The scream almost broke windows.
"Please, please, pleeeeease… may I cum, Mistress? I need to cum."
Rei ground her toes into the woman's cheek. "I asked you a question, slut. You know you do what I want first, before you ever ask anything."
"I'm trash, I'm trash, I'm worthless traaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!!" Her obedient babble and erratic attempts to kiss Rei's toes dissolved into a near howl as Rei thumbed a button on the control in her hand and turned the vibrator in her victim up to 9.
The recipient had no choice but to arch and thrash in response. Her hands were tied behind her back, her elbows a fixed distance apart, and her legs spread wide and bands of tape around the knees keeping her feet pressed up against her butt.
Rei abruptly turned the vibrator back to zero. "I did not give you permission to climax, worm."
The woman under her foot whimpered. Rei had been edging her for over an hour. "Please please please let me cum let me cum-"
"Who am I?"
"A goddess, a goddess, the goddess above this worthless garbage…"
Rei nodded coldly, her face expressionless. "And what do you do?"
"Worship the goddess, please please please…"
Rei presented her foot. The woman desperately began to kiss it, arching her back to get a better angle.
"So easy to arouse, so needy and wet. Worthless whore. Your only purpose in life is to lick the dirt and grit off my shoes, isn't it?"
"Yes, goddess, yes, please, goddess…"
Rei raised the control again. "And I command your release… Now."
She pushed the button.
The scream almost broke windows.
+++
Rei finished putting her coat back on and gave the woman one last pat on the head. Cleaning her up and taking off the bindings had taken a while, but Rei was attentive to details and aftercare. She had a diligent reputation to uphold among her clients, after all. For some of them, the mother-goddess-ing afterwards was the point, even.
"All good to sleep, Miss?"
Weak, happy mumbles from under the blanket.
"Same time next month, as usual?"
More happy mumbles, with a vaguely positive note.
"The bill will be sent two days ahead of then, so you may anticipate. Goodbye."
Mumbles.
Rei stepped out of the door, into the cool Norweigian night of late May. Rei didn't really need the coat, but she did like the fashion, and her wife had bought it for her, in any case. She made sure the door was locked on the apartment, and stepped to the edge of the balcony. It was going to be a long flight home. This woman was fortunate she was such a long-time loyal customer.
Rei jumped off the balcony.
+++
"More, please."
"I do not believe this," Asuka muttered. She handed Kaworu another bowl of what was allegedly 'spicy pepper' ramen and 100-yen Instant Curry from the discount bin at the nearest Ito Yokado grocery. It smelled like someone had set a fire in the garbage can behind a cheap Indian restaurant that had lost its license.
Kaworu almost snatched the bowl out of her hands and eagerly began to spoon up the latest hot, steaming pile of what was technically characterized as 'cooking' by the chef, one Misato Katsuragi.
"Hey, it's hot, it's fresh, and he loves it," the cook defended. "How can you complain about how much he likes it?" Misato reflexively reached for the beer on the tabletop between them and visibly flinched when she had to stop and pull her hand back. She took a deep sip of the UCC canned coffee she'd been forced to adopt as a substitute since she learned she was pregnant. Her Children had tried to point out the acid and caffeine were also bad for her in her state, and she threatened to pull a gun on the first one that tried to take away her coffee too.
"I'm 'hot, fresh, and he loves me', but if I smelled like that, I'd still tell him not to eat me," Asuka rebutted tartly. "How the fuck did you convince my poor stupid husband to eat that crap?"
"He used to join me for dinner a lot the year after the war, when he and Rei were 'off' and you and Shinji were 'on'. You two didn't have a lot of time for anyone being around when you wanted to be 'on' him, remember?"
Asuka rolled her eyes, but looked away. "Like you and Kaji were much better. And we still had Rei hang out with us! And Kaworu, whenever he and Rei were 'on'."
"Because…" Misato drawled, letting it hang.
"....what?" Asuka somehow blushed.
"Because...." Misato leered.
Asuka pouted. "You're going to force me to say it, just to make your point, aren't you?"
"Abso-freaking-lutely."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Because my wife is and was a huge pervert who liked to watch and join in, and that turned me on too, blah blah blah. You are never letting that one drunk admission go, are you?"
"No-pe!" Misato smugged.
"That better not imply you got up to anything lewd with my future husband, old lady," Asuka threatened. "And you can try to bring that up all you like, but it's a lot harder to embarrass me with that admission when I'm going to be sleeping cuddled up between them both tonight."
Misato waved that away with the can of coffee. "Details. Still fun. And you and Shinji being so goo-goo at those times chasing him off and Rei not being always with him is why he'd end up at my place between boyfriends, and for whatever reason he loves my cooking."
Kaworu gave a fervent nod from his spot at the table, to busy stuffing curry and ramen in his mouth to answer verbally. "Nnffom, nnfomp, 'is guf stuff!" he mumbled indistinctly between swallows. He gulped a huge wad down to clear his mouth. "So delicious!"
"Is this some kind of masochism thing, since if we have drinks tonight mister 'hangover is going to make me puke up at least three internal organs' over there is going to regret life even more than he usually does on those mornings if he's barfing up a bunch of extra-spicy crap like that." Asuka said, raising an eyebrow.
"Wurf it!" Kaworu said blurrily, slurping down the broth at the bottom of the cup. "Oh, sooooo good. More?"
"That is your fourth bowl, you lunatic," Asuka commented. "You are so going to regret this in the morning."
"Mmmf, never," Kaworu said, wiping his chin. "Katsuragi-san always made sure I never went to sleep hungry in those days, and I never felt too alone."
Asuka looked uncomfortable. "Well… that's our job now, dufus. So…" Asuka winced. "I can… ugh, I can have Misato teach me how to 'cook' like she does, so I can feed you this… stuff too?"
Misato, in the middle of taking another swig of canned coffee, laugh-snorted so hard she shot some out her nose, and spent the next full minute coughing and laughing so hard she was crying. Asuka shot her dirty looks that failed in the light of Misato being unable to open her eyes.
Kaworu finished putting the empty cups and plates in Misato's sink and gave Asuka a beaming smile. "Ah, m'love, that is the sweetest thing you've said to me in months, possibly since Vegas. I know how much it means for you to say that. I do have to wonder how you are going to stop our dear husband and king of the kitchen at our abode from making you eat some of it as punishment for bringing it into our house. You know what he thinks of Katsuragi-san's kitchen skills, and the products thereof."
Asuka frowned and looked in the general direction of their apartment. "Erm… I may need to distract him to buy me some time to explain."
"You could just say out loud it's because you like seeing your second husband happy, Asuka," Misato teased, finally mopping the last of the coffee off her already quite stained 'around the house' t-shirt. "And that you don't want to insult Shinji's talents by making him make a 'Katsuragi special'-style dinner, mm?"
"I also don't want to do anything that makes him give me that 'hurt puppy' look. He is becoming aware of how powerful that is," Asuka grumped. "At least Rei is supposed to get home first tonight. She said she's going to want er…" She glanced at Misato's growing smirk. "'Everyone's attention' when she gets home."
Misato wiggled her eyebrows. "So my husband and I should make sure we have the volume turned up on a movie to drown you all out?"
Asuka did flush a little. "Misato, I have no idea what it is about Rei's mysterious side job that has her coming home so 'wound up' some nights, but I… we all damn sure enjoy it. So yes, turn up your movie and stop wiggling your eyebrows at me like that. We're married, it's all proper."
Misato opened her mouth to make some sly rebuttal, but paused. "Oh… Ohhhhh… Asuka, I think I've got your distraction." She stood up and grabbed something off the shelf above the refrigerator. She turned back to the pair at the table and thrust the object at the man still stuffing himself with 'food'. "Kaworu, I think it's time we show Asuka what happens when you go Swiss."
+++
Rei slid open the door between the balcony and the living room. "I am home," she announced in her usual soft, cool voice. "I am amorous and desire the comfort of my spouses."
The living room's huge half-moon couch had all three of her spouses on it. Or partly on it, to be fair. Asuka was struggling to push Kaworu back onto the seat he was currently sliding out of. Shinji was sitting staring at the gray-haired young man, an expression of intense confusion on his face. He blinked and looked up at Rei's entrance. "Oh, um… welcome home, Rei. Dinner is in the oven. Kaworu is… um…"
"Stoned off his fucking ass," Asuka growled. "He's been like this for most of an hour, and Misato said he had enough he'll probably be like this for at least two more hours."
Rei paused in taking off her shirt and shoes. "He's… what?"
"Wait wait wait wait! This is important!" Kaworu suddenly stopped giggling long enough to gasp out. "There's also the one where we're all dogs! Cute little dogs! It's incredible! Shinji's a Chihuahua! So cute! And Asuka is a Cocker Spaniel! She was so angry! I think Misato was a greyhound… maybe an Afghan hound? Wheee hee hee!"
Rei looked from Asuka to Shinji and back again, waiting for more.
"He's stoned. He's spent the last hour telling us he can see through time and space, taste colors, hear the music of the spheres, and so on. For the last twenty minutes, he's been telling us about… um, alternate worlds, I think?"
"The one where Shinji and I are together, and you and Kaworu, but as two separate couples, the one where he and Shinji run a detective agency of all things, the one where the Evas are pistols and hand weapons somehow, the one where there are no Evas, and so on," Asuka listed. "The one about dogs is new."
"What do we do in a world without Evas?" Rei said, resuming taking her clothes off. Her blouse and bra followed her shoes over her shoulder in random directions. "He and I fight the Angels hand to hand while you cheer us on?"
"We went to high school as normal, and lived in a rom-com school show, sounds like," Asuka said, still wrestling Kaworu back into something like an upright seated position. "Misato was our homeroom teacher and you and I were love rivals over this other baka." She bobbed her head at Shinji.
Rei looked nonplussed. "Why do I not simply seduce you both?"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! There's the one where I'm really hot for Rei's sister Kei, and then she chased me across the rooftops with an axe!" Kaworu suddenly burst out, sitting upright. "It gave me a huge erection for some reason! Then Wuffles saved me, and Unit-02 was a doggie! Woof woof woof!" His head wobbled around to stare vaguely at Rei. "You spent a lot of time in the ceiling vents. Ceiling Rei is watching you masticate."
Rei cocked her head at him and gave him a gentle pat on the forehead. "I… see." She looked at Asuka. "What did Misato give him? And why is she drugging my already more spacey husband?"
"She said this was part of an attempt to distract Shinji from the news I am going to get," Asuka paused and chewed her lip for a moment, "what can loosely be described as 'cooking lessons' from Misato so I can make curry and crap the way she does because Kaworu likes it, for some reason. It turns out this dummy is a lot more distracting than we expected."
"I AM THE RAINBOW TROUT!" Kaworu suddenly shouted, then leaned over to begin snogging Shinji. He managed to plant his lips on Shinji's chin.
"Asuka, what did she give him?" Rei demanded.
"Chocolate."
Rei paused and blinked. "....I'm sorry, I thought you said 'chocolate'."
"I did."
"The confection? The sweet brown stuff you like to melt and lick off my-"
"Yes! That stuff!" Asuka interrupted, blushing. "She gave him a huge bar of Max Chocolatier from Lucerne, then a bar of Lindt dark chocolate with pomegranate seeds. About fifteen minutes later…" She waved at Kaworu, who had finally managed to lock in on Shinji's lips and was apparently giving the former Third Child a detailed dental health check.
Rei raised an eyebrow. "Chocolate does this to him? Fascinating. That explains why he spent an entire date with me three years ago calling me Rei, Kei, Kiko, Iti, Nana, Hachi, Zyuu, and Siyon on rotation after I gave him some truffles on Valentine's Day. Then he let me screw his brains out."
Kaworu stopped kissing his husband long enough to look up and sniff the air for a moment. "...Sound has a color now," he cheerfully intoned. He resumed kissing a very bemused Shinji.
Rei shook her head. "Two more hours of this, Misato estimated?"
"Yup."
"Hrm… Given his state, consent feels uncertain," Rei said, unhappily. "This is irritating, since I was very much looking forward to being extremely vigorously married right now, and for the rest of the evening saving our meal break."
Kaworu began trying to slip his hands down Shinji's pants, giggling. Shinji was making only mild resistance.
"I think you might have trouble stopping him from sleeping with us all, Rei," Asuka said with a crooked grin. "He's been pretty damn consistent through all of this on how he loves us and wants to have lots of sex. Which is weirdly comforting that he usually does with at least one of us in all these alt-worlds he's talking about."
"Good. I am far more horny than my average daily level due to work."
Asuka actually turned to fully look at Rei at this. "And why is that? Rei, this mysterious side job of yours you never say much about brings in a not inconsiderable amount of petty cash, takes you away to unknown places, and always seems to have you come home late and hornier than an entire field of three-headed cattle. What are you up to?"
"High class Dominatrix," Rei said blithely.
"......[What?]" Asuka's surprise kicked her right back into German.
"[A small list of clients around the world pay for me to visit them once a month, make them debase themselves before the 'Lilithian Goddess', force them to climax, et cetera. To taste for each, some aftercare, then I fly home. Sometimes I even use NERV planes.]"
At her wife's stare, she stepped closer to take Asuka into an embrace. Asuka became acutely aware that her wife was wearing stockings, a garter belt, a lacy bra, and a tiny smile. "[Um… how come we never knew this?]"
"[I am discreet, and keep it separated from our lives. I do not allow them to touch me, for example. Which is why I arrive home from such very eager for the company of my spouses, at length. It does get me quite hot, but I am faithful to my loves alone.]"
"[Rei, do you have any idea how fucking hot it makes me when you walk in, dressed like this, and try to get me, or them, in bed?"]
"[Yes.]"
"[Good,]" Asuka replied, dropping one hand to her waist to unbutton her jeans. "[Then you better make love to your wife right the fuck now, and drag our husbands to bed at the same time or sooner to round things off, since you've got me and them all hot too."]
"[You are not worried for our husband's condition?"] Rei asked, while still guiding Asuka backwards to the couch besides the already entwined males.
"[Misato knows I'd make her eat her own eyeballs if this permanently hurt Kaworu, so I'm not worried per se, just concerned over how hard it is to keep him safe until he comes down. But given she didn't seem worried, it's not that hard a worry, especially now that you're home, love,]" Asuka grinned, and began removing Rei's bra. Her hands rapidly began a thorough exploration of her wife's breasts.
"[Oh? Has this exploration of alternative universes given you new, appreciative insight of our love lives, my beloved wife?]" Rei asked with a small smile, helping take her wife's clothes off.
"[A little. Mostly it's given me an appreciation for how lucky I am to have married all three of you instead of having to choose, so get your perfect alabaster cheeks over here and join in,]" Asuka demanded, falling backwards closer to the already entwined Shinji and Kaworu.
"[Is it alright that I find this predictable and convenient?]" Rei half-heartedly pleaded.
"[Shut up and fuck your wife and husbands, Rei," Asuka chided, planting her lips on Rei's.
There was little more intelligent conversation for a while.
+++
Possibly surprisingly, Shinji was the first to rise from the pile of exhausted Soryu-Ayanamis. Somewhat later.
Alright, to be fair, about an hour and a bit later.
They loved each other, what do you want? You should try it.
Shinji tottered his way to the bathroom (needs of nature paramount), then to the near adjacent kitchen, his domain. He carefully shut down the oven and removed the casserole he'd put in earlier in anticipation of Rei's return. It was just a hair past perfectly cooked. A part of his brain had still kept track even more so than the oven's timer had.
He brought the casserole out to his spouses, carefully arranged on plates, in the wide-open space of their living room. Theoretically, his own house rules said full meals should not be served in this place, but given his three loves were all strewn about the half-moon couch's front in various positions, he was willing to waive that.
He put a plate down next to Kaworu's head. His husband was smiling happily, still ahead of the likely crash later. "Hiiiii, Shinji~. Have I mentioned the world where we're fighter pilots yet? The Eva's are like F-14s, but awesome! I'm still sleeping with Rei there, but we flirt, I think. You and Asuka are still a thing, obviously. And there was something about Las Vegas?"
"You did mention that one, yes. During round two with Rei."
"Oh, good. I like focusing on the happy ones. Not the ones where you have to kill me."
Shinji paused. "I don't like those either, love." He crouched near him and stroked Kaworu's hair.
"It's ok!" his husband insisted. "You're doing it because we have to. Especially in the one where I kissed you in my room. It has to be, so this world can be, right?"
"I'd never hurt you if there was any other way, Kaworu," Shinji tried to insist. His mind veered away from even thinking about a world where he had to kill the only man he really loved.
"I know, and it just makes me love you more," Kaworu said agreeably. "Are they ok?" He nodded vaguely in the direction of their wives.
"Just tired, as usual on days like this," Shinji said, putting a tray down next to Rei.
The blunette popped her eyes open and carefully disentangled herself from Asuka, clinging to her side. "I am ravenous, and still amorous. I desire both my husbands sandwiching me as soon as possible."
Shinji gave a single quiet laugh, careful not to disturb Asuka. "Of course, Rei. We've both still got enough for you, as ever."
"Gimme."
+++
Asuka blinked awake from a shallow sleep to behold her spouses being vigorously married. She enjoyed simple observation for a while. She was a bit logy from her first few rounds. When Rei came home from her 'side job', she was energetic. She needed to go to the bathroom anyhow.
"I'll be right back and one of you boys better be ready for me to ride," she stated, rising and wobbling towards the nearest of their several bathrooms.
Both Shinji and Kaworu threw her a vague thumbs up as they kept most of their attention on a very happy Rei.
+++
Asuka sat down on the toilet with a small sigh. It was always a good idea to empty her bladder before really getting into things when her wife was this randy, and she had to go anyhow. She'd had to go a bit much this week. Too much drinking. Sometimes she wondered what she'd done to deserve a life where she had to choose between 'eat a custom made Shinji meal now' and 'have sex with two men and a woman who love you more than breathing first', but she'd take it.
She idly reached for one of the tests Misato had left for her, since she had to piss anyway.
+++
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Rei lifted her head from between one of her husband's thighs and paused her energetic pushback against the other. Her wife was screaming and running back into the room, but it was… odd. It was not a scream of pain or terror. Rei was sadly familiar with what each of her spouses sounded like in such circumstances. This was new.
Asuka skidded around the corner from the hallway to the bathroom and almost ran her over, practically bowling Rei free from her happy spot between the two men. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Aaaaaa?" Rei responded. This was very confusing.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Asuka replied. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Rei blinked. And began screaming in synch. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kaworu rolled over and looked at the screaming women. He stared blankly for a moment, then turned to Shinji. "Buh? This wasn't in the world with the super robot wars. Or the one with the ancient robots in the medieval world. Any clue why the beautiful women we love are screaming?"
"I don't know, but-" Shinji got no further before Asuka let go of Rei and grabbed him pulling his face close.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she said carefully.
"Huh? I…" Shinji paused. "What are… oh. Oh gods. Oh gods. OH GODS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kaworu stared at his three screaming spouses. "Huh. This hardly ever happens. Even when we're dogs! On the other hand, I know what to do!"
He leaned his head back and howled at the moon.
+++
Misato cracked her eyes open a hair and glared death at her phone. "This better be good," she muttered. She picked up the phone and listened for twenty seconds.
She hung up the phone and rolled over on the futon to nudge her husband.
"Blugh? Huh? Wha?" he answered.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Misato said clearly in his face.
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- Location
- Germany
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Am I doing it right?)
Congrats, I guess? ^^; Though you'd think that wouldn't "hardly ever happen". ;P
Congrats, I guess? ^^; Though you'd think that wouldn't "hardly ever happen". ;P
Not that I'd ever read that dirty, filthy part (>_>), but should I know who that was?
BG_Character_592
The Fisherman
- Location
- Australia
Oh okay
So standard fare for Misato's cooking
As you do
Seriously, especially if they're craving something, and especially if they have access to firearms.
Gotta be careful what you say Asuka, never know when it comes back to bite ya
I'm sure they'll be more than happy to oblige
A novel concept, I know
It's pretty great to see how casual they've become about this entire thing, shows how close they've really gotten in this story
Also i'm sure there's still plenty of things they could do in a world without Eva.
Maybe much of what they're doing now, age permitting
Honestly, would Hangover!Kaworu get off on their spouse's chasing them across a rooftop with an axe? That seems like something he'd low-key be into.
Maybe it's a dimensional thing or something
Makes you wonder how Kaworu didn't get high off licking chocolate off Asuka's... yeah
Sometimes you just get those funny patterns, y'know?
It's a good take on the whole 'Chocolate and Angels don't mix' thing, I think
Not an unexpected reaction to that job title
How would you even word that on a resume? 'Human resources experience'? 'Dedicated people pleaser'?
And I don't particularly recall the Brahmin from Fallout being excessively horny, must've never reached that part in any of the games
Well, if Kaworu hasn't burst into LCL now, I doubt he's gonna pop this time around.
Then again, consuming a piece of Lilith didn't even cause him to pop despite the high chance, so maybe he's just a lead zeppelin when it comes to that kinda thing
Love a guy who can multitask
I think that's just everyone here, Kaworu.
As soon as I saw that line I thought 'oh boy here we go', because of course it happens when you take a test like that on a whim. That's just the universe playing its magic on you.
Could also be the copious amounts of presumedly unprotected sexual activity she engages in on a daily basis.
...Actually, it probably is just that
Yeah I agree, A * 10^30
Nice work Stryp, love seeing the various antics the PilOT4 get up to in these snips. It's nice seeing a contrast between the wholeheartedly wholesome and ridiculously R-rated scenes as well, bit of variety and all that.
And oh God those R-rated scenes are going to be absolute fun to work with in the upcoming Chronicles of Hangover, believe me
- Location
- Rhodes Island
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Gods, I needed this update. Thank you!
Jim Starluck
CO, ICS Vanguard
- Location
- Cincinnati, OH
Hah! And you said you didn't write smut!
Yay, Nobody Dies references!
- Location
- Germany
*whistles innocently*
Don't look at me like that, his death was the trigger for her to come back... >_>
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
that exchange is R/A, not R/K.
also body chocolate probably has its exciting psychoactives diluted by whatever makes it convenient to apply to people, whereas Misato just fed him two whole bars of high-cocoa Swiss deliciousness which is enough to make baseline humans feel a bit peculiar.
(and probably need the bathroom sooner than expected; methylxanthines are propulsive as well as diuretic, and high-cocoa chocolate actually has a significant amount of dietary fibre.)
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Dark Machine
Red or Dead
- Location
- Tokyo-1, Japan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Caspar. Play Asuka Playlist number 69."
"Nice. Playing now."
You know I'll always be your slave
'Till I'm buried, buried in my grave
Oh honey (Oh), bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me!~
"~Baby I can see your halooo, you're my saving grace!
Haloooo! I can see your halooo!
Haloooo! I can feel your halooo!
Haloooo! I can see your halooo!
Haloooo! I can feel your halooo!
AWOOOOOOOOOO!~"
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XerAlix
LARIATTO GOZAIMASU
Please, please be a meme...
*sees Mayo Clinic*
\echo\ Bruh\echo\
Damn Stryp, firing from all cylinders today, are we?
Kaworu, my dude...
- Location
- Canada
Sorry. I forgot to mention that example was from the manga version. In regards to the Hangover update, wow. Kaworu was high as a kite. He also seems to be a masochist in that state.
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For the amount of parallels 'piloting' an EVA that flying illustrates, why downgrade from having all manner of giant melee items plus a wildcard beam cannon powered from the grid?
Okay, how?
*glances*
Ah, Hangover! Well, it's enough to get Asuka started filling Rei's ear with the proper folding and wearing of a deployable chute. But somehow Shinji will ask if thermal expansion applies if the chute deploys facing up at the sun too much. Sun allergies!
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DKN117
Citadel Special Tactics & Recon
- Location
- Southern California, L.A. Area
AustSakuraKyzor
Confused Librarian
- Location
- Bhaile
Oh yeah, photophobia is a real thing. Basically they're vampires, but, like, Yozora Mel vampires... I hope.
Don't drink human blood, kids.
I both love and hate how perfect that video is. Also, that dude (screamy cowboy) needs to have an app or something for whenever AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA moments happen.
You cannot control the power of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Especially not when it's being used by a pregnant woman. You will die if you attempt it.