- Location
- On a powder keg, next to a fire
Well, them telling a story how they met or got together will be... fascinating at best. Asuka & Shinji will have it a bit less traumatic (although how you met will need some details cut), but still colorful.
Advice and Trust [NGE]
Itsune
Eldritch horror, Ship's Cat, Emergency Gunner.
- Location
- Somewhere in King County Washington
Shinji Ikari, the only known person to suffer a critical fail from application of the Clue by Four.
(How the Beep did you roll a natural one, six times in a row?)
Is there some Japanese thing where they can't just say 'sexual harassment'?
- Location
- Somewhere amongst the stars...
Sadly it's very much a cultural issue. Sexual harassment and related crimes are under-reported in the country due to the strong patriarchal culture that exists. Laws have been changed or are changing to address this but it is a slow progress.Is there some Japanese thing where they can't just say 'sexual harassment'?
I get that - it's hardly unique to Japan after all. I'm referring to the tortured legal language they're using for the crime, not their issues admitting it exists. I was wondering if this is one of those things were Japan is trying to claim sexual harassment doesn't exist there by calling it something else.
- Location
- Somewhere amongst the stars...
Culture creates law. The fact is that rape, sexual harassment, and the like are considered personal crimes and Japanese culture frowns on airing personal issues /complaints outside of the family/work unit. The tortured legal language is a consequence of changing culture/law.
Edit: Also the article writer might be using that language to avoid libel/defamation claims if what Anno witnessed/said was not proven in court.
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Dmol8
The Undead Unhinged Lunatic of the Web
- Location
- Belgrade,Serbia
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Hopefully, but I don't think that is all that likely. Anyways a good snippet. Looking forward to reading this when it's a full chapter. Where do I find a thread about this morning? Because I looked and it's not in N&P as far as I can tell.
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
"...and then Uncle Touji dropped his pants..."
Not sure if there's a thread. This stuff: US strikes 5 facilities in Iraq and Syria linked to Iranian-backed militia
Comedy Omake #164 - Chronicles; Chicks Dig Evangelions 1
BG_Character_592
The Fisherman
- Location
- Australia
Happy new years to everyone! Lets get this year and decade started off right with some new Chronicles!
The gang get stuck into another mecha show, which I believe they do indeed dig
The gang get stuck into another mecha show, which I believe they do indeed dig
Spencer Makinami was woken from his admittedly light slumber by the buzzing of a bespoke detector, fashioned from an old phone and a few spare parts the Polytechnic had. "...Huh. It actually got something." As if he didn't entirely expect anything.
Now was the debate. Does he make the trek in the middle of the hot Australian night over to the Polytechnic, to see what it came up with, knowing the temperature was in the high 80s even this deep in the evening? Knowing the Polytechnic was most likely locked up for the evening, with all the joy of wrangling security?
He turned over in his bed, getting closer to his still slumbering paramour. It can wait for the morning.
~
Kaworu felt a slight prod at his senses, and furrowed his brow. "...Odd."
"I know, right? Why the hell did we get this?"
"Because it is vaguely mecha, at least judging by the cover." Mused Rei. 'Of course, that was not what you noticed.'
'You caught it too?'
'No, but judging by your light, you sensed something.'
He 'looked' around. 'If it happens again, then we can be concerned. For now, it may just be a quirk.'
'If you say so.'
"So this was made in America?"
"Sure looks like it." Thought Shinji. "Wasn't Cartoon Network American, anyway?"
"Yeah, they run a tv channel specifically for cartoons, it was pretty neat actually." Remarked Asuka, looking back at her admittedly brief university life. "Of course, cartoons nowadays are pretty shocking, so they mostly just went with old anime."
"Which you were not interested in."
"Nah, not particularly."
'H-Hey Ash? Is it c-concerning I felt that prod a-as well?'
A brief introspection. 'It may well be, Mari. But... we shall wait and see.' As he huffed. "Well, what are we waiting for?"
"Someone to put the disc in." Rei obviously stated.
So they put the disc in the Playstation, and they started watching.
~~~
Now was the debate. Does he make the trek in the middle of the hot Australian night over to the Polytechnic, to see what it came up with, knowing the temperature was in the high 80s even this deep in the evening? Knowing the Polytechnic was most likely locked up for the evening, with all the joy of wrangling security?
He turned over in his bed, getting closer to his still slumbering paramour. It can wait for the morning.
~
Kaworu felt a slight prod at his senses, and furrowed his brow. "...Odd."
"I know, right? Why the hell did we get this?"
"Because it is vaguely mecha, at least judging by the cover." Mused Rei. 'Of course, that was not what you noticed.'
'You caught it too?'
'No, but judging by your light, you sensed something.'
He 'looked' around. 'If it happens again, then we can be concerned. For now, it may just be a quirk.'
'If you say so.'
"So this was made in America?"
"Sure looks like it." Thought Shinji. "Wasn't Cartoon Network American, anyway?"
"Yeah, they run a tv channel specifically for cartoons, it was pretty neat actually." Remarked Asuka, looking back at her admittedly brief university life. "Of course, cartoons nowadays are pretty shocking, so they mostly just went with old anime."
"Which you were not interested in."
"Nah, not particularly."
'H-Hey Ash? Is it c-concerning I felt that prod a-as well?'
A brief introspection. 'It may well be, Mari. But... we shall wait and see.' As he huffed. "Well, what are we waiting for?"
"Someone to put the disc in." Rei obviously stated.
So they put the disc in the Playstation, and they started watching.
~~~
Character Key:
Shinji (S) Asuka (A)
Rei (R) Kaworu (K)
Eliza (E) Mari (M)
Shinji (S) Asuka (A)
Rei (R) Kaworu (K)
Eliza (E) Mari (M)
Established 3012 (00:00)
An object shot past the dilapidated ship of the Earth Coalition.
A: "Well they aren't doing a good job at that, are they?"
S: "I'm already getting Gurren Lagaan vibes from this."
E: "Even from the aspect ratio, I would suggest this predates Gurren Lagaan."
They panned out to yet more destruction in Earth orbit, the subtitle giving a helpful indicator as to the time period.
M: "W-were it not for that emblem, we'd have no i-idea where it's set."
R: "For being set over one thousand years removed from us, you would expect a bit more progress."
A: "I mean, it's more than we have."
The group were now looking at a tricoloured mech, red eye to rival HAL 9000.
E: "Why does that creep me out?"
R: "You thought the voice of Gipsy Danger was threatening, as well."
S: "Though a glowing red eye is somewhat more threatening, I feel."
A: "Now it's just a question on what they're looking for."
Asuka's question was answered in vaguely Japanese like hieroglyphs.
K: "Doesn't exactly bode well for that mech, I feel."
M: "What w-would this mech be called, anyway?"
R: "Megas is a good choice until we know better. It has been a pattern thus far to put the name of the mech in the title."
A: "They didn't do that with Pacific Rim."
R: "There are always exceptions to a rule, Asuka."
It wasn't just one of the HALian mechs, as they started firing on them.
E: "I imagine this doesn't raise their odds, Kaworu."
K: "Not exactly, no."
Quarry (01:00)
The quarry managed to skirt the predators pursuing.
A: "Now where have we seen that colour scheme before?" Immediately implying their copyright infringement.
R: "In their defence, they inverted Unit-00's colour scheme."
M: "Kinda m-made it vaguely insect like, as w-well."
S: "Looks like a Pocket Monster."
They caught sight of the pilot of the mech, a woman kissed by fire.
E: "Is having someone of that hair also a prerequisite to a mecha?"
K: "Might as well be, at this point."
A: "Since we're establishing that's me, looks like Cartoon Network decided to just screw me over immediately this time around!"
R: "You will not go down without a fight, however."
A: "Oh God no!"
Speaking of, the fight began; the Asuka expy blocking and dodging and generally making quick work of the six identified enemy mechs.
Asuka wasn't exactly complaining it ended as quickly as it started. "Fucking awesome! Good to see she's as much of an ass kicker as I am!"
The hardcoded Japanese subtitles indicated to the group that things were still rather dire.
K: "We know her name, at least."
M: "Never h-heard of Andru, myself."
R: "Might be a future name." As the camera panned behind her. "That is an interesting method of synchronisation."
S: "Is that plugged in the head?"
A: "Ah so they're taking the Matrix solution to connecting yourself up to a mech!"
All On Me (02:00)
The surviving mechs all gathered to Andru, a final stand against the Glorft.
Asuka couldn't help but snicker at the name of the enemy.
M: "So t-they kinda like alien Seele?"
R: "It is not the first mecha we've seen with aliens as the antagonist."
S: "I'm pretty sure our mecha is the only mecha with aliens as not an antagonist."
Kaworu raised an eyebrow.
S: "At least not the main antagonist."
E: "I'd say the Angels were still pretty major."
They caught a glimpse of said Glorft in their flagship, Warmaster Gorrath belittling the human resistance.
A: "Gee, they could've made him look less like our enemy."
R: "What gives it away, the red eyes or the tentacles?"
M: "The v-voice, perhaps."
S: "So we're getting invaded by alien squid."
K: "Compared to the other aliens faced, this is probably the first physical species we've seen as belligerents."
A: "Physical being the keyword."
K: "At least until we find out they're actually clouds of gas or something, yes."
With the threat to deploy the UMD, they cut back to a moon base, stalwartly defended by the mechs of Coalition forces.
A: "Yeah, we're boned."
R: "That is what the introduction implies, yes."
E: "I count seven known Coalition units against... a lot of Glorft units."
One was destroyed.
E: "Six."
And more, as Andru issued a retreat.
E: "Two."
Let's Do The Timewarp Again (03:05)
Her back against the wall, she began the deployment of another, much larger mech.
M: "Do t-they plan on using that?"
K: "Perhaps as a desperation move."
A: "I would be pretty desperate in that situation."
The monitor indicated something else, as the man over the radio began speaking his displeasure.
S: "We're already getting time travel?"
R: "Cartoon Network really are rushing through a few things."
K: "It is another solution."
A: "Something I know you're fond of, Kaworu."
K: "I've still to figure out time travel, unfortunately."
E: "So they plan on going back to 3035."
M: "It seems l-like ample time to get your shit together before the Glorft come to wreck t-things."
R: "Depends when this last stand took place."
E: "Maybe this show can give you some ideas on time travel, Kaworu."
K: "It already sounds different to my understanding. Unless their terminology is different."
M: "It's either d-die in the Dirac or die to some aliens. At least then, t-they won't get the satisfaction of getting a kill."
S: "Or the Megas."
Either way, the Rift was opened.
A: "That certainly seems like a Dirac Rift of some sort!"
R: "Maybe that was how this work got here. We know there is some connection between a Rift opening up and a work appearing."
K: "We do call them Rift works, after all."
E: "Gorrath seems rather arrogant about it all, at least."
S: "That's good for us, keeps him off our backs."
A: "I like how we're already associating ourselves with them."
Transfer (04:30)
The Glorft got into the hanger, Andru getting the hell outta there.
M: "...And h-how is she meant to do that?"
E: "It'd be somewhat amusing if that connection to her neck had something to do with it, after we've talked about stuffing brains into beige towers."
Andru took off, shooting some Glorfts along the way for the hell of it.
A: "Of course it's stolen alien tech!"
S: "We could've used some of that."
K: "My kin were not technologically gifted, unfortunately. Biologically, however."
Gorrath's arrogance got the better of him, following the defiled Avatar prototype.
Good thing for Andru, other friendlies were dispatched to become cannon fodder.
R: "They even have AT-Fields."
A: "They're not doing much with them."
Docking went underway, Gorrath continuing to yell at the inconvenience of this.
M: "So m-much for the cannon fodder."
E: "Zero."
Andru started floating towards the Megas.
A: "I see several flaws with that transfer mechanism!"
E: "Not exactly brain uploading, isn't it."
R: "And fascinatingly enough, the Glorft all miss this obvious target."
A: "Yeah funny that."
Asuka jinxed it, missiles hitting and the transfer failing.
K: "I'd say she was lucky she wasn't sucked into space."
E: "There was probably a failsafe in that mech of hers to prevent that. Which I'd commend, if not for the transfer system itself having inherent flaws in it."
M: "Not l-like she got off completely scot free, as well."
The Megas vanished into the anomaly, towards God knows when.
Mothership close behind it. "Oh yeah, because the Commander of the invading force should go off into a time warp."
R: "We have stated his arrogance."
And with both Glorft and Andru alike disappearing into time, the title card appeared.
S: "...Well that was abrupt."
Joisey (06:50)
The show cut to the City of New Jersey, as of 'The Present'.
A: "Man that looks like shit."
M: "Nah, that's just Jersey."
S: "I would've thought the flooding after Second Impact made it uninhabitable."
M: "Y-you know how stubborn people are from t-those parts, right? Honestly it probably made it better to live in."
E: "You're going to have fun making fun of New Jersey, aren't you."
M: "Hell yeah I a-am! It's practically a pastime in a-any state other than New Jersey!"
They were now in the garage of a rather stereotypical American, working on a stereotypically American car. "Is that a d-damn Barra?"
R: "American muscle car of some sort?"
A: "It's certainly as big as that American!"
S: "Wouldn't say that guy was excited about that car as we are."
Asuka shrugged. "Never really been one for muscle, myself. Mari might be different."
M: "Can't go w-wrong with the classics. And t-technically that'd be classified as a pony car."
The big guy hit a switch.
And in an instant, the Plymouth Barracuda was shot several hundred feet into the air, attached to the Megas.
...Yeah, not a single person in the room expected that. "He attached a damn muscle car to a mech?!"
M: "Why would you do that to a Barra?!"
R: "I would not think attaching a Toyota Corolla as the cockpit of the Megas would have had the same effect."
E: "Why the hell would you ever use a car as a cockpit for a mech?"
S: "Hopefully it doesn't give Misato any ideas."
K: "She wouldn't dare do that to her Renault."
R: "He not only attached his pony car to a mech, he has done other customisations."
A: "Now I'm curious how he got away with doing that under his shed."
S: "Well, he's not getting away with it now."
M: "He has a damn mech, I d-don't think anyone will mess with him."
Cockpit (07:30)
A: "Good to see lanky there has his concerns in order!"
It cut to the cockpit itself, covered in a myriad of video game controllers and old computers.
R: "Somewhat less refined, compared to our cockpits."
K: "I'd call it impressive they managed to do this in his backyard."
S: "I'd question how the hell they got in that Barra."
E: "What's the full name of that car, anyway?"
M: "Plymouth Barracuda, t-they were a Chrysler marquee before S-Second Impact, like Dodge and J-Jeep."
A: "Oh it might fall to pieces, then!"
It was at this point that the big guy revealed where he found it.
S: "Like you could find such thing in a junkyard."
K: "You never know where something like that may end up, going through a Rift of some sort."
E: "Though they often tend to be in convenient locations, I found."
A: "Funny thing, that."
M: "Who w-would win in that fight, anyway?"
R: "Depends on the battleground, if it is on land or in a lake."
E: "So a pile of junk just so happened to appear in the 30s, and they didn't bother?"
K: "It's likely the Megas has been sitting there for at least seventy years, at that point. Assuming modern day is somewhere in the 2000s."
Two Bucks (08:20)
So he started sorting through the pile.
E: "I don't think that's a safe method to store hazardous waste."
M: "Nah that's just Jersey."
A: "Two dollars, though." She shrugged. "Can't go wrong."
R: "You can get cancer for cheaper."
S: "Wait, is this implying he got the Megas for two dollars?"
The big guy removed a single thing, and like a house of cards it came tumbling down.
Revealling the Megas in all its battered and bruised glory.
A: "Oh my god he really did get it for two bucks!"
K: "If only our Evangelion cost as much."
R: "To be fair, he was essentially tricked into giving that deal. I am sure he would have wanted at least three dollars for the Megas."
As the Megas was 'pretty banged up', in his words, it cut to a montage of getting it up to spec.
M: "And h-he did this all in his garage."
A: "I'm honestly amazed at how gifted this guy is. He found a mecha, bought it for two bucks, and spent God knows how long getting it up to spec. Hell, putting his damned Barra on it would count for something; improvising a control mechanism to replace the beaten up previous one or something like that."
K: "And also cooking his sandwiches with a welding torch. Barehanded."
E: "I'd say that was even more impressive."
M: "Man imagine having a Beetle as the c-cockpit of that thing."
Asuka barked a laugh. "That's be even worse in a few ways!"
R: "That is about the equivalent of a Toyota Corolla, I would say."
Quirks and Features (09:25)
And now it's time for the quirks and features of the big guy's early 70s Plymouth Barracuda, with Megas mod.
R: "Key features any vehicle should have."
A: "This argontrinsic shielding is their term for AT-Field, I'm guessing."
E: "I can't imagine it using argon."
M: "Not l-like they know what that kind of shielding is."
K: "Giant mechs don't often come with user friendly service manuals, unfortunately."
A: "It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if there is no collated manual for using the Evangelion."
Ever the scientists, they hit an unlabelled blue button.
Which promptly deleted a house.
S: "At least the basement's alright."
E: "They seem rather nonchalant for destroying a house."
A: "I think they're just nonchalant in general. If I found a futuristic mecha in a junkyard, I'd be fucking excited."
R: "So would the government."
The show cut to an imagine spot by Coop's friend, as he thought about what was possible.
Mostly destructive examples of what was possible. "This is why we don't give Evangelion to the layman."
Everyone else was laughing. "Otherwise they'd wreck shit in Fort Knox and hamburger factories."
But as soon as they tried, the alarms went off.
M: "So he m-modded a Barra onto the Megas, but he couldn't d-disable the alarms?"
S: "I doubt Coop was ever meant to drive the Megas, myself."
Rift (10:40)
It was this moment that three individuals of the Earth Coalition arrived, disabling the alarm of the Megas with an oversized key fob.
Much to the amusement of all. "I suppose if it works."
A: "Not like they have pockets or anything, though."
The future individuals immediately entered fighting stance.
E: "She could've been a bit nicer to the people with the notoriously powerful mecha."
M: "It is New J-Jersey."
K: "You really are having fun with this, aren't you."
M: "Obvious, e-eh?"
S: "In Coop's defence, he did find it."
R: "And he does control the giant robot, after all. I imagine they would have to force it from his hands, after all the work he put in."
Turning the key, he made his decision.
But the battle was further delayed by the soft top.
M: "W-wouldn't think a car that age had a motorised r-roof."
A: "That's what catches your interest?"
Attempting to find first gear, Coop instead fired a rocket fist into one of Andru's assistants, immediately sending them into a nearby elementary school.
Much to the cheer of the students, and the amusement of the Tumbleweed. "I'd be excited about that, as well!"
S: "As long as we weren't in it."
And so the fight began in earnest, the Megas making short work of the remaining assistant.
Much to Mari's cringe. "Hopefully it's n-not a synchronised feeling."
Andru's attempts also failed.
A: "Are people in Jersey just casually sexist like that?"
Mari shrugged. "Probably."
K: "Then again, her calling him an ape doesn't help matters."
R: "It is fair game, at that point."
E: "At least they're trying to negotiate."
S: "Do you think they'd believe her story?"
A: "The Megas had to end up there somehow, Shinji."
Rolled One (13:05)
Unfortunately for Andru, her prejudice for those from the past got the better of her, as those piloting the Megas bumbled into an energy cannon of some sort.
M: "Well, those n-negotiations were short."
R: "I doubt she was ever meant to be a negotiator."
A: "And look where that got her, she's about to be annihilated."
Her Not-An-AT-Field bounced the energy beam off her mech, which didn't help much when the nearby apartment complex crashed into her.
Once again, to the amusement of all at this comedy of errors.
E: "I feel that could've been approached better."
Andru decided to approach this aggressively instead, ending in her being pile drivven into the pavement.
S: "She's not having the best of times, is she?"
A: "Oh her prejudices are probably screaming at her. But that's what she gets for calling someone from our time primitive!"
K: "I can see who you side with."
Either way, with her drones and mech out of commission for the moment, it was back to negotiations.
A: "Like that will work this time around."
M: "Why would t-they even get out of their Megas?"
R: "To give her a fair go, perhaps."
Coop decided to give a brief explanation on why he's a good pilot.
S: "And with all Ritsuko goes on about video games, as well."
This was ultimately a distraction, but once again her good times came to a grinding halt as she couldn't figure out how to drive stick.
E: "Do they not have cars in the future?"
M: "Not as we k-know them, I'd think."
K: "Perhaps his skill in servicing vehicles translated rather well to servicing the Megas."
It was in this moment it cut to Coop destroying a rather important component required to time travel with a piece of scrap metal.
K: "Okay, perhaps take my words with a grain of salt."
R: "Not like he could know what a time drive was."
A: "Looks like she's face with a conundrum, eh? Work with a bunch of primitives from New Jersey, or languish in the past."
M: "A rather difficult decision, I'd t-think."
S: "I'd think she'd put those thoughts aside, if it meant getting back."
And so she made an offer.
K: "As you suggested, Shinji. I doubt she would like this, but she has to do it."
A: "I doubt Coop would wanna go to the future, at least to stay."
Which he immediately rejected.
R: "At least we know his motive."
M: "Can't say h-he's wrong. Most of the Evangelion pilots are c-chicks, aren't they?"
A: "It is a pretty nice machine, ain't it?"
Takyon (15:40)
The Glorft were notified of their presence.
A: "Good job, Coop."
R: "I am sure something had to bring them along."
And indeed, almost immediately the Glorft came along.
M: "Well, I guess it's t-time for the Megas to kick some more ass!"
E: "At least it's the right ass, this time around."
K: "Quite a few asses to kick, if I say so myself."
S: "I reckon they'd be fine with them. This is the first episode, after all."
A: "Think CN wanna show off how their mecha does things, eh?"
R: "At least our mecha waited to the second episode to show the battle."
S: "Which I wasn't even awake for."
M: "How did y-you do all that, then? I saw the footage of t-that, back in the day."
E: "Unit-01 went berserk."
M: "Oh, that explains a f-few things."
K: "At least this has convinced Coop."
A: "Good to see Gorrath still arrogant as ever. Time hasn't changed him in the slightest."
Coop knocked over Andru's mech, making it a fair right.
R: "Coop is perhaps more arrogant than Gorrath."
A: "Ah, a knucklehead fight!"
First Gear (17:00)
Coop launched the first strike.
Which immediately went off course and into a lawyer friendly version of an MTV satellite.
A fact Mari was all too happy to lampshade. "I wonder w-what that's meant to refer to."
A: "Are MTV even around, anymore?"
M: "They s-stopped being about music ages ago. Last time I checked, they w-were doing war documentaries."
A: "How the fuck does that even happen?"
Mari shrugged, as if she didn't know herself. "I think National G-Geographic bought them out."
Either way, Coop didn't skip a beat, immediately breaking windows and knocking cars about before launching himself into the myriad of Glorft forces.
S: "So far, he's done more destruction than the Glorft has done."
R: "He has stated he is the only person allowed to destroy New Jersey."
K: "He's actually doing rather well for himself, considering."
A: "It's those video games, ain't it?" As he flew past the junkyard. "And he still didn't pay him the two bucks?"
M: "You c-could've gotten a drink with those two bucks, I imagine."
E: "Maybe he'll pay the junkyard after he steals gold from Fort Knox."
R: "I am sure all that scrap metal he is making will pay for itself."
S: "It's... an interesting fighting style, to say the least."
A: "It's like he's driving a damn car! How does that even work?"
M: "It does in J-Jersey, apparently."
Wasteland (18:30)
Slamming his head on a red button, not unlike a particular tank girl, he managed to destroy not only the Glorft force, but practically the entirety of New Jersey.
M: "That's probably made it b-better."
A: "Fuck they really don't care about the collateral, do they? Doing Hadoukens and shit."
E: "I wonder if they'll discuss the millions he just killed."
R: "It is Cartoon Network, so probably not."
Now thoroughly pissed off, Gorrath deployed his secret weapon.
S: "I wonder if that'd actually do anything different."
K: "It'd be a rather boring series if the main antagonist was defeated on the first episode."
A: "Ah so it's gonna take a classic anime sorta arc?"
R: "It is clear this has already taken much from classic mecha."
Surprisingly enough to them, it was a more fair fight between the Megas and the spider looking mecha.
Which ultimately ended in the Megas falling.
E: "I'd say you guys just jinxed it."
S: "Probably."
Perhaps as an attempt to ensure their destruction, Gorrath sent in the Babuska's doll known as the Universal Media Disc.
With a transformation sequence to rival Sailor Moon. "It is clear where they got this kind of sequence from, at least."
A: "Not the first time I've seen a mecha do a magical girl transformation."
K: "It's obvious why they thought the UMD was not able to be defeated. Even through sheer size."
M: "Coop seems f-fine with it."
R: "He is as arrogant as Gorrath is."
Like it were a flea, the UMD flicked the Megas through a few skyscrapers.
E: "So much for that arrogance."
Satellaview (20:45)
Their destruction was delayed by the deleterious influence of the disabled satellite on the dome of the dominating UMD
And with fire raining around him, the Megas equally flicked the UMD down.
A: "Not gonna lie, that was pretty cool."
K: "It was practically divine intervention."
R: "We are certainly one for that."
S: "You two could be argued as divine, so yeah."
E: "Good thing luck is on our side."
A: "As befits protagonists, eh?"
Tentacles between his legs, Gorrath scurried away as Coop and his friend further flung salt in the wound.
M: "Well, at l-least those kids were happy about it all."
R: "Their families most likely perished in the destruction of New Jersey, but at least the alien is routed."
Gorrath's henchmen revealed their similar situation to Andru.
A: "Routed for an episode or two, I imagine."
K: "Rather bold of the Commander."
S: "Maybe he's vying for the position of Warmaster."
E: "They really don't need a civil war."
And so it cut back to Coop and co celebrating.
M: "And just h-how are they gonna go through the drive t-though in that Barra?"
R: "They could always walk in."
The credits soon revealed just how they went through the drive through of a restaurant that was most likely called WcDonalds.
And everyone laughed. "I am amazed it survived the destruction of New Jersey."
"It's all the p-preservatives, I imagine."
"We know the names of the cast, at least."
"I'm assuming Jamie is the other person with them."
"I wouldn't think they were called Goat. Unless those five burgers were for him." Asuka pointed out.
"Goat would be the junkyard guy, then." Shinji posited. "Since they didn't give a name to the other Commander."
"How fitting." Rei thought. "Thoughts on this?"
"It's not as batshit crazy as Gurren Lagaan was, but it's still pretty batshit crazy." Surmised the redhead.
"I'd say a different kind of crazy." Spoke Shinji, rolling on from her thought. "This is somewhat more grounded in reality."
"It would be in the people. Coop and Jamie simply don't give any sort of concern about anything."
"If anything, I'd call this a-almost a parody of the genre."
"Then again, we thought that of Gurren Lagaan, as well." Put forward Kaworu. "And look how that turned out."
"Kiva dies by episode eight, got it."
"Hopefully t-that's not a spoiler for t-that show."
"Eh, we didn't say who died."
And so the next episode started.
~~~
An object shot past the dilapidated ship of the Earth Coalition.
A: "Well they aren't doing a good job at that, are they?"
S: "I'm already getting Gurren Lagaan vibes from this."
E: "Even from the aspect ratio, I would suggest this predates Gurren Lagaan."
They panned out to yet more destruction in Earth orbit, the subtitle giving a helpful indicator as to the time period.
M: "W-were it not for that emblem, we'd have no i-idea where it's set."
R: "For being set over one thousand years removed from us, you would expect a bit more progress."
A: "I mean, it's more than we have."
The group were now looking at a tricoloured mech, red eye to rival HAL 9000.
E: "Why does that creep me out?"
R: "You thought the voice of Gipsy Danger was threatening, as well."
S: "Though a glowing red eye is somewhat more threatening, I feel."
A: "Now it's just a question on what they're looking for."
Asuka's question was answered in vaguely Japanese like hieroglyphs.
K: "Doesn't exactly bode well for that mech, I feel."
M: "What w-would this mech be called, anyway?"
R: "Megas is a good choice until we know better. It has been a pattern thus far to put the name of the mech in the title."
A: "They didn't do that with Pacific Rim."
R: "There are always exceptions to a rule, Asuka."
It wasn't just one of the HALian mechs, as they started firing on them.
E: "I imagine this doesn't raise their odds, Kaworu."
K: "Not exactly, no."
Quarry (01:00)
The quarry managed to skirt the predators pursuing.
A: "Now where have we seen that colour scheme before?" Immediately implying their copyright infringement.
R: "In their defence, they inverted Unit-00's colour scheme."
M: "Kinda m-made it vaguely insect like, as w-well."
S: "Looks like a Pocket Monster."
They caught sight of the pilot of the mech, a woman kissed by fire.
E: "Is having someone of that hair also a prerequisite to a mecha?"
K: "Might as well be, at this point."
A: "Since we're establishing that's me, looks like Cartoon Network decided to just screw me over immediately this time around!"
R: "You will not go down without a fight, however."
A: "Oh God no!"
Speaking of, the fight began; the Asuka expy blocking and dodging and generally making quick work of the six identified enemy mechs.
Asuka wasn't exactly complaining it ended as quickly as it started. "Fucking awesome! Good to see she's as much of an ass kicker as I am!"
The hardcoded Japanese subtitles indicated to the group that things were still rather dire.
K: "We know her name, at least."
M: "Never h-heard of Andru, myself."
R: "Might be a future name." As the camera panned behind her. "That is an interesting method of synchronisation."
S: "Is that plugged in the head?"
A: "Ah so they're taking the Matrix solution to connecting yourself up to a mech!"
All On Me (02:00)
The surviving mechs all gathered to Andru, a final stand against the Glorft.
Asuka couldn't help but snicker at the name of the enemy.
M: "So t-they kinda like alien Seele?"
R: "It is not the first mecha we've seen with aliens as the antagonist."
S: "I'm pretty sure our mecha is the only mecha with aliens as not an antagonist."
Kaworu raised an eyebrow.
S: "At least not the main antagonist."
E: "I'd say the Angels were still pretty major."
They caught a glimpse of said Glorft in their flagship, Warmaster Gorrath belittling the human resistance.
A: "Gee, they could've made him look less like our enemy."
R: "What gives it away, the red eyes or the tentacles?"
M: "The v-voice, perhaps."
S: "So we're getting invaded by alien squid."
K: "Compared to the other aliens faced, this is probably the first physical species we've seen as belligerents."
A: "Physical being the keyword."
K: "At least until we find out they're actually clouds of gas or something, yes."
With the threat to deploy the UMD, they cut back to a moon base, stalwartly defended by the mechs of Coalition forces.
A: "Yeah, we're boned."
R: "That is what the introduction implies, yes."
E: "I count seven known Coalition units against... a lot of Glorft units."
One was destroyed.
E: "Six."
And more, as Andru issued a retreat.
E: "Two."
Let's Do The Timewarp Again (03:05)
Her back against the wall, she began the deployment of another, much larger mech.
M: "Do t-they plan on using that?"
K: "Perhaps as a desperation move."
A: "I would be pretty desperate in that situation."
The monitor indicated something else, as the man over the radio began speaking his displeasure.
S: "We're already getting time travel?"
R: "Cartoon Network really are rushing through a few things."
K: "It is another solution."
A: "Something I know you're fond of, Kaworu."
K: "I've still to figure out time travel, unfortunately."
E: "So they plan on going back to 3035."
M: "It seems l-like ample time to get your shit together before the Glorft come to wreck t-things."
R: "Depends when this last stand took place."
E: "Maybe this show can give you some ideas on time travel, Kaworu."
K: "It already sounds different to my understanding. Unless their terminology is different."
M: "It's either d-die in the Dirac or die to some aliens. At least then, t-they won't get the satisfaction of getting a kill."
S: "Or the Megas."
Either way, the Rift was opened.
A: "That certainly seems like a Dirac Rift of some sort!"
R: "Maybe that was how this work got here. We know there is some connection between a Rift opening up and a work appearing."
K: "We do call them Rift works, after all."
E: "Gorrath seems rather arrogant about it all, at least."
S: "That's good for us, keeps him off our backs."
A: "I like how we're already associating ourselves with them."
Transfer (04:30)
The Glorft got into the hanger, Andru getting the hell outta there.
M: "...And h-how is she meant to do that?"
E: "It'd be somewhat amusing if that connection to her neck had something to do with it, after we've talked about stuffing brains into beige towers."
Andru took off, shooting some Glorfts along the way for the hell of it.
A: "Of course it's stolen alien tech!"
S: "We could've used some of that."
K: "My kin were not technologically gifted, unfortunately. Biologically, however."
Gorrath's arrogance got the better of him, following the defiled Avatar prototype.
Good thing for Andru, other friendlies were dispatched to become cannon fodder.
R: "They even have AT-Fields."
A: "They're not doing much with them."
Docking went underway, Gorrath continuing to yell at the inconvenience of this.
M: "So m-much for the cannon fodder."
E: "Zero."
Andru started floating towards the Megas.
A: "I see several flaws with that transfer mechanism!"
E: "Not exactly brain uploading, isn't it."
R: "And fascinatingly enough, the Glorft all miss this obvious target."
A: "Yeah funny that."
Asuka jinxed it, missiles hitting and the transfer failing.
K: "I'd say she was lucky she wasn't sucked into space."
E: "There was probably a failsafe in that mech of hers to prevent that. Which I'd commend, if not for the transfer system itself having inherent flaws in it."
M: "Not l-like she got off completely scot free, as well."
The Megas vanished into the anomaly, towards God knows when.
Mothership close behind it. "Oh yeah, because the Commander of the invading force should go off into a time warp."
R: "We have stated his arrogance."
And with both Glorft and Andru alike disappearing into time, the title card appeared.
S: "...Well that was abrupt."
Joisey (06:50)
The show cut to the City of New Jersey, as of 'The Present'.
A: "Man that looks like shit."
M: "Nah, that's just Jersey."
S: "I would've thought the flooding after Second Impact made it uninhabitable."
M: "Y-you know how stubborn people are from t-those parts, right? Honestly it probably made it better to live in."
E: "You're going to have fun making fun of New Jersey, aren't you."
M: "Hell yeah I a-am! It's practically a pastime in a-any state other than New Jersey!"
They were now in the garage of a rather stereotypical American, working on a stereotypically American car. "Is that a d-damn Barra?"
R: "American muscle car of some sort?"
A: "It's certainly as big as that American!"
S: "Wouldn't say that guy was excited about that car as we are."
Asuka shrugged. "Never really been one for muscle, myself. Mari might be different."
M: "Can't go w-wrong with the classics. And t-technically that'd be classified as a pony car."
The big guy hit a switch.
And in an instant, the Plymouth Barracuda was shot several hundred feet into the air, attached to the Megas.
...Yeah, not a single person in the room expected that. "He attached a damn muscle car to a mech?!"
M: "Why would you do that to a Barra?!"
R: "I would not think attaching a Toyota Corolla as the cockpit of the Megas would have had the same effect."
E: "Why the hell would you ever use a car as a cockpit for a mech?"
S: "Hopefully it doesn't give Misato any ideas."
K: "She wouldn't dare do that to her Renault."
R: "He not only attached his pony car to a mech, he has done other customisations."
A: "Now I'm curious how he got away with doing that under his shed."
S: "Well, he's not getting away with it now."
M: "He has a damn mech, I d-don't think anyone will mess with him."
Cockpit (07:30)
A: "Good to see lanky there has his concerns in order!"
It cut to the cockpit itself, covered in a myriad of video game controllers and old computers.
R: "Somewhat less refined, compared to our cockpits."
K: "I'd call it impressive they managed to do this in his backyard."
S: "I'd question how the hell they got in that Barra."
E: "What's the full name of that car, anyway?"
M: "Plymouth Barracuda, t-they were a Chrysler marquee before S-Second Impact, like Dodge and J-Jeep."
A: "Oh it might fall to pieces, then!"
It was at this point that the big guy revealed where he found it.
S: "Like you could find such thing in a junkyard."
K: "You never know where something like that may end up, going through a Rift of some sort."
E: "Though they often tend to be in convenient locations, I found."
A: "Funny thing, that."
M: "Who w-would win in that fight, anyway?"
R: "Depends on the battleground, if it is on land or in a lake."
E: "So a pile of junk just so happened to appear in the 30s, and they didn't bother?"
K: "It's likely the Megas has been sitting there for at least seventy years, at that point. Assuming modern day is somewhere in the 2000s."
Two Bucks (08:20)
So he started sorting through the pile.
E: "I don't think that's a safe method to store hazardous waste."
M: "Nah that's just Jersey."
A: "Two dollars, though." She shrugged. "Can't go wrong."
R: "You can get cancer for cheaper."
S: "Wait, is this implying he got the Megas for two dollars?"
The big guy removed a single thing, and like a house of cards it came tumbling down.
Revealling the Megas in all its battered and bruised glory.
A: "Oh my god he really did get it for two bucks!"
K: "If only our Evangelion cost as much."
R: "To be fair, he was essentially tricked into giving that deal. I am sure he would have wanted at least three dollars for the Megas."
As the Megas was 'pretty banged up', in his words, it cut to a montage of getting it up to spec.
M: "And h-he did this all in his garage."
A: "I'm honestly amazed at how gifted this guy is. He found a mecha, bought it for two bucks, and spent God knows how long getting it up to spec. Hell, putting his damned Barra on it would count for something; improvising a control mechanism to replace the beaten up previous one or something like that."
K: "And also cooking his sandwiches with a welding torch. Barehanded."
E: "I'd say that was even more impressive."
M: "Man imagine having a Beetle as the c-cockpit of that thing."
Asuka barked a laugh. "That's be even worse in a few ways!"
R: "That is about the equivalent of a Toyota Corolla, I would say."
Quirks and Features (09:25)
And now it's time for the quirks and features of the big guy's early 70s Plymouth Barracuda, with Megas mod.
R: "Key features any vehicle should have."
A: "This argontrinsic shielding is their term for AT-Field, I'm guessing."
E: "I can't imagine it using argon."
M: "Not l-like they know what that kind of shielding is."
K: "Giant mechs don't often come with user friendly service manuals, unfortunately."
A: "It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if there is no collated manual for using the Evangelion."
Ever the scientists, they hit an unlabelled blue button.
Which promptly deleted a house.
S: "At least the basement's alright."
E: "They seem rather nonchalant for destroying a house."
A: "I think they're just nonchalant in general. If I found a futuristic mecha in a junkyard, I'd be fucking excited."
R: "So would the government."
The show cut to an imagine spot by Coop's friend, as he thought about what was possible.
Mostly destructive examples of what was possible. "This is why we don't give Evangelion to the layman."
Everyone else was laughing. "Otherwise they'd wreck shit in Fort Knox and hamburger factories."
But as soon as they tried, the alarms went off.
M: "So he m-modded a Barra onto the Megas, but he couldn't d-disable the alarms?"
S: "I doubt Coop was ever meant to drive the Megas, myself."
Rift (10:40)
It was this moment that three individuals of the Earth Coalition arrived, disabling the alarm of the Megas with an oversized key fob.
Much to the amusement of all. "I suppose if it works."
A: "Not like they have pockets or anything, though."
The future individuals immediately entered fighting stance.
E: "She could've been a bit nicer to the people with the notoriously powerful mecha."
M: "It is New J-Jersey."
K: "You really are having fun with this, aren't you."
M: "Obvious, e-eh?"
S: "In Coop's defence, he did find it."
R: "And he does control the giant robot, after all. I imagine they would have to force it from his hands, after all the work he put in."
Turning the key, he made his decision.
But the battle was further delayed by the soft top.
M: "W-wouldn't think a car that age had a motorised r-roof."
A: "That's what catches your interest?"
Attempting to find first gear, Coop instead fired a rocket fist into one of Andru's assistants, immediately sending them into a nearby elementary school.
Much to the cheer of the students, and the amusement of the Tumbleweed. "I'd be excited about that, as well!"
S: "As long as we weren't in it."
And so the fight began in earnest, the Megas making short work of the remaining assistant.
Much to Mari's cringe. "Hopefully it's n-not a synchronised feeling."
Andru's attempts also failed.
A: "Are people in Jersey just casually sexist like that?"
Mari shrugged. "Probably."
K: "Then again, her calling him an ape doesn't help matters."
R: "It is fair game, at that point."
E: "At least they're trying to negotiate."
S: "Do you think they'd believe her story?"
A: "The Megas had to end up there somehow, Shinji."
Rolled One (13:05)
Unfortunately for Andru, her prejudice for those from the past got the better of her, as those piloting the Megas bumbled into an energy cannon of some sort.
M: "Well, those n-negotiations were short."
R: "I doubt she was ever meant to be a negotiator."
A: "And look where that got her, she's about to be annihilated."
Her Not-An-AT-Field bounced the energy beam off her mech, which didn't help much when the nearby apartment complex crashed into her.
Once again, to the amusement of all at this comedy of errors.
E: "I feel that could've been approached better."
Andru decided to approach this aggressively instead, ending in her being pile drivven into the pavement.
S: "She's not having the best of times, is she?"
A: "Oh her prejudices are probably screaming at her. But that's what she gets for calling someone from our time primitive!"
K: "I can see who you side with."
Either way, with her drones and mech out of commission for the moment, it was back to negotiations.
A: "Like that will work this time around."
M: "Why would t-they even get out of their Megas?"
R: "To give her a fair go, perhaps."
Coop decided to give a brief explanation on why he's a good pilot.
S: "And with all Ritsuko goes on about video games, as well."
This was ultimately a distraction, but once again her good times came to a grinding halt as she couldn't figure out how to drive stick.
E: "Do they not have cars in the future?"
M: "Not as we k-know them, I'd think."
K: "Perhaps his skill in servicing vehicles translated rather well to servicing the Megas."
It was in this moment it cut to Coop destroying a rather important component required to time travel with a piece of scrap metal.
K: "Okay, perhaps take my words with a grain of salt."
R: "Not like he could know what a time drive was."
A: "Looks like she's face with a conundrum, eh? Work with a bunch of primitives from New Jersey, or languish in the past."
M: "A rather difficult decision, I'd t-think."
S: "I'd think she'd put those thoughts aside, if it meant getting back."
And so she made an offer.
K: "As you suggested, Shinji. I doubt she would like this, but she has to do it."
A: "I doubt Coop would wanna go to the future, at least to stay."
Which he immediately rejected.
R: "At least we know his motive."
M: "Can't say h-he's wrong. Most of the Evangelion pilots are c-chicks, aren't they?"
A: "It is a pretty nice machine, ain't it?"
Takyon (15:40)
The Glorft were notified of their presence.
A: "Good job, Coop."
R: "I am sure something had to bring them along."
And indeed, almost immediately the Glorft came along.
M: "Well, I guess it's t-time for the Megas to kick some more ass!"
E: "At least it's the right ass, this time around."
K: "Quite a few asses to kick, if I say so myself."
S: "I reckon they'd be fine with them. This is the first episode, after all."
A: "Think CN wanna show off how their mecha does things, eh?"
R: "At least our mecha waited to the second episode to show the battle."
S: "Which I wasn't even awake for."
M: "How did y-you do all that, then? I saw the footage of t-that, back in the day."
E: "Unit-01 went berserk."
M: "Oh, that explains a f-few things."
K: "At least this has convinced Coop."
A: "Good to see Gorrath still arrogant as ever. Time hasn't changed him in the slightest."
Coop knocked over Andru's mech, making it a fair right.
R: "Coop is perhaps more arrogant than Gorrath."
A: "Ah, a knucklehead fight!"
First Gear (17:00)
Coop launched the first strike.
Which immediately went off course and into a lawyer friendly version of an MTV satellite.
A fact Mari was all too happy to lampshade. "I wonder w-what that's meant to refer to."
A: "Are MTV even around, anymore?"
M: "They s-stopped being about music ages ago. Last time I checked, they w-were doing war documentaries."
A: "How the fuck does that even happen?"
Mari shrugged, as if she didn't know herself. "I think National G-Geographic bought them out."
Either way, Coop didn't skip a beat, immediately breaking windows and knocking cars about before launching himself into the myriad of Glorft forces.
S: "So far, he's done more destruction than the Glorft has done."
R: "He has stated he is the only person allowed to destroy New Jersey."
K: "He's actually doing rather well for himself, considering."
A: "It's those video games, ain't it?" As he flew past the junkyard. "And he still didn't pay him the two bucks?"
M: "You c-could've gotten a drink with those two bucks, I imagine."
E: "Maybe he'll pay the junkyard after he steals gold from Fort Knox."
R: "I am sure all that scrap metal he is making will pay for itself."
S: "It's... an interesting fighting style, to say the least."
A: "It's like he's driving a damn car! How does that even work?"
M: "It does in J-Jersey, apparently."
Wasteland (18:30)
Slamming his head on a red button, not unlike a particular tank girl, he managed to destroy not only the Glorft force, but practically the entirety of New Jersey.
M: "That's probably made it b-better."
A: "Fuck they really don't care about the collateral, do they? Doing Hadoukens and shit."
E: "I wonder if they'll discuss the millions he just killed."
R: "It is Cartoon Network, so probably not."
Now thoroughly pissed off, Gorrath deployed his secret weapon.
S: "I wonder if that'd actually do anything different."
K: "It'd be a rather boring series if the main antagonist was defeated on the first episode."
A: "Ah so it's gonna take a classic anime sorta arc?"
R: "It is clear this has already taken much from classic mecha."
Surprisingly enough to them, it was a more fair fight between the Megas and the spider looking mecha.
Which ultimately ended in the Megas falling.
E: "I'd say you guys just jinxed it."
S: "Probably."
Perhaps as an attempt to ensure their destruction, Gorrath sent in the Babuska's doll known as the Universal Media Disc.
With a transformation sequence to rival Sailor Moon. "It is clear where they got this kind of sequence from, at least."
A: "Not the first time I've seen a mecha do a magical girl transformation."
K: "It's obvious why they thought the UMD was not able to be defeated. Even through sheer size."
M: "Coop seems f-fine with it."
R: "He is as arrogant as Gorrath is."
Like it were a flea, the UMD flicked the Megas through a few skyscrapers.
E: "So much for that arrogance."
Satellaview (20:45)
Their destruction was delayed by the deleterious influence of the disabled satellite on the dome of the dominating UMD
And with fire raining around him, the Megas equally flicked the UMD down.
A: "Not gonna lie, that was pretty cool."
K: "It was practically divine intervention."
R: "We are certainly one for that."
S: "You two could be argued as divine, so yeah."
E: "Good thing luck is on our side."
A: "As befits protagonists, eh?"
Tentacles between his legs, Gorrath scurried away as Coop and his friend further flung salt in the wound.
M: "Well, at l-least those kids were happy about it all."
R: "Their families most likely perished in the destruction of New Jersey, but at least the alien is routed."
Gorrath's henchmen revealed their similar situation to Andru.
A: "Routed for an episode or two, I imagine."
K: "Rather bold of the Commander."
S: "Maybe he's vying for the position of Warmaster."
E: "They really don't need a civil war."
And so it cut back to Coop and co celebrating.
M: "And just h-how are they gonna go through the drive t-though in that Barra?"
R: "They could always walk in."
The credits soon revealed just how they went through the drive through of a restaurant that was most likely called WcDonalds.
And everyone laughed. "I am amazed it survived the destruction of New Jersey."
"It's all the p-preservatives, I imagine."
"We know the names of the cast, at least."
"I'm assuming Jamie is the other person with them."
"I wouldn't think they were called Goat. Unless those five burgers were for him." Asuka pointed out.
"Goat would be the junkyard guy, then." Shinji posited. "Since they didn't give a name to the other Commander."
"How fitting." Rei thought. "Thoughts on this?"
"It's not as batshit crazy as Gurren Lagaan was, but it's still pretty batshit crazy." Surmised the redhead.
"I'd say a different kind of crazy." Spoke Shinji, rolling on from her thought. "This is somewhat more grounded in reality."
"It would be in the people. Coop and Jamie simply don't give any sort of concern about anything."
"If anything, I'd call this a-almost a parody of the genre."
"Then again, we thought that of Gurren Lagaan, as well." Put forward Kaworu. "And look how that turned out."
"Kiva dies by episode eight, got it."
"Hopefully t-that's not a spoiler for t-that show."
"Eh, we didn't say who died."
And so the next episode started.
~~~
Battle of the Bots (00:00)
M: "Oh w-we're suddenly Battlebots, n-now?"
A: "That's actually a thing?"
M: "Yeah, buncha people w-would built robots and fight them!"
They couldn't help but find this particular bot battle uninspiring.
R: "The real life version was more exciting than this, I would hope."
M: "Oh y-yeah."
S: "At least the announcer's enjoying it."
K: "Amazingly enough, it seems like everyone else is enjoying it, as well."
E: "Perhaps their lives are more boring than usual."
It cut to Coop and Jamie, watching that exact show in their own battle bot.
R: "Cannot say their lives are boring, and they are still watching it."
Zooming out to them bashing another mecha.
M: "Case in p-point?"
R: "Case in point."
K: "Ah, but it looks like that'll be the story of this episode."
A: "What, they use that battle bot in their own show? The Megas could just stomp on them, it wouldn't be entertaining at all!"
S: "It'd be more exciting than the bots on that show already."
Chicks Dig Giant Robots (00:40)
They witnessed the gloriousness that was the opening of Megas XLR.
A: "Oh my fucking God, why couldn't we have an OP like that?!"
M: "You can r-really tell they're from Jersey."
R: "I suppose that is another thing. Kiva has settled in well in the past, I feel."
E: "She was laughing along with them watching that TV show. If that wasn't an indicator."
K: "And there's that line, again." He chuckled.
S: "It's a lot more than chicks, at least."
A: "Everyone likes giant robots, Shinji. If this were any other country, we'd probably be celebrities."
M: "I always w-wondered that. You lot have saved the planet countless t-times, and yet no one even so much as recognises y-you."
R: "I would call that the work of NERV in keeping our identities hidden."
K: "And I doubt people would call it honourable, using children to pilot the giant robots. Necessary it may've been."
A: "Otherwise, I'm sure our lives would've been like the pilots in Pacific Rim, going on midnight talk shows and shit."
M: "That another R-Rift material?"
A: "Yeah, another western sorta mecha."
S: "And also one that's actually live action."
M: "Ah, m-meaning they had to make it somewhat r-realistic. Were they similar to the E-Evangelion?"
E: "Not exactly, at least not before we borrowed a few ideas about piloting from them and another Rift material."
R: "That is essentially how the NACSS came to be."
M: "I wonder if p-people would call that cheating, using o-otherworldly inspirations."
K: "It's certainly using it to our advantage, that's for sure."
Service (01:30)
The Barra was currently being serviced. "Ah, the natural habitat of any Chrysler vehicle."
R: "A good thing he is handy with such vehicles, then."
E: "It's obvious resources aren't an issue for him."
M: "You p-probably think it lucky the Evangelion wasn't outsourced to an a-automotive manufacturer, Asuka."
S: "Since it sounds like almost all of them suck."
K: "Except for the German brands, oddly enough."
A: "In my defence, I only really like one group of German branded cars. And hell, you guys might've gotten away with it; Japanese cars seem reliable, if uninspired."
R: "I do not think inspiration is much of a concern for most people purchasing a car in Japan. Of course, there is always the enthusiast."
M: "Which you c-could certainly call Coop."
K: "Not exactly Kiva's concerns, aren't they?"
A: "Or Jaime's." She muttered, as it cut to his imagination spot. "I'm sure any of those Space Amazonians could cave his head in, if they wanted to."
S: "Thing is, he'd probably like that."
E: "You can bet Kiva would cave his head in for her depiction."
R: "Coop might not like his depiction, either."
Big Head (02:35)
Jaime was further distracted by the appearance of Magnanimous, aptly described by Jaime as a giant head with tiny arms and legs.
E: "Is he just a giant head?"
S: "How does that even work?"
M: "Is that Bruce C-Campbell?"
R: "Let us hope he does explain just what he is."
He tried to, but Coop and Jaime were more distracted by the fact a giant head with tiny arms and legs were talking to them.
K: "Perhaps the reason Earth wasn't eligible for such a league was due to the fact they couldn't get past the appearance of Magnanimous."
A: "It is a rather significant issue to get past, for most people."
Once the initial shock of a giant head with tiny arms and legs wore off, Coop was all ears for Magnanimous' idea.
R: "She certainly does not seem excited."
M: "Not like he r-really focuses on her concerns."
S: "That does seem pretty cool, admittedly."
A: "They make it sound like it's professional wrestling." She scoffed. "Hey Rei, you apparently know a bit about professional wrestling. You heard of Bruce Campbell?"
R: "Not from wrestling; he's starred in plenty of B movies though."
E: "Sounds like he's perfect for this show, then."
Bash Fest (04:00)
Coop made the decision that everyone expected, and they were off to outer space.
A: "So what, humanity there doesn't even know there's an intergalactic Battlebots going on?"
R: "That is what Magnanimous implied, yes."
K: "Of course, I doubt it is anything related to any sort of prime directive they may or may not have."
E: "They probably think of us the same way Kiva thought of us."
M: "Just t-they wait until they find our w-world."
S: "Can you even call our Evangelion robots? They're kinda different in architecture."
A: "As long as none of the armour comes off, you could get away with calling them that."
R: "I thought Jaime would have been excited about all this."
E: "Is he ever excited about anything?"
M: "I d-doubt this excitement would increase, not being allowed in the a-arena."
K: "I'm sure there's things to do. Food to eat. Events to watch."
S: "What food would they have there? It wouldn't be anything we were used to."
A: "Might not even be anything we could eat. For all we know those aliens could eat dynamite as an entree!"
R: "At least the others can occupy themselves in the junkyard."
M: "Coop would've been m-most interested in that, I imagine."
They briefly saw the junkyard.
E: "Fancy there's other giant robots there."
K: "May come in handy, I imagine."
Battlegrounds (05:20)
Jaime found his way to the odds.
M: "I know some of t-those letters."
K: "For being an alien society, there's a strange amount of Greek."
A: "Maybe Ancient Athens colonised space, cause God knows the Greeks nowadays couldn't even afford a firework."
E: "And those are some low odds for the Megas."
S: "Almost makes you think it was rigged."
R: "That is probably the catch with Magnanimous' offer."
A: "Can't deny Jaime's confident."
M: "He has e-every right to be confident."
And so he placed his bet, the teller taking everything but his money.
S: "What would you even get out of that bet?"
E: "Whatever currency they use in space. Galactic Credits or something like that."
M: "Probably n-not a currency usable by them, eh?"
With everything squared away, Bruce Campbell's head began announcing.
R: "If he is not an announcer for professional wrestling, he should be."
M: "Pulls it o-off well, doesn't he?"
The Megas was the first introduced, to minimum fanfare.
S: "At least Magonimus is enthusiastic about it."
A: "It's kinda his job, after all."
The enemy bot, Supernova, was given a much greater reception by the crowd.
K: "So what's the bet the Megas defeats Supernova?"
E: "45000 to 1, ostensibly."
A: "I'd probably cut those odds down by... oh, I don't know, 45000?"
E: "We're only seven minutes into this episode, after all."
Chicken Dinner (07:15)
After a few brief words, and for the environment to load in, they got to fighting.
A: "Well look at that, it's kinda like our simulator!"
R: "Ritsuko would not allow us to have a battle royale in the simulator."
S: "It'd certainly be entertaining."
Coop's brief distraction was enough for him to get punched into a tree.
E: "This is why we don't get distracted."
M: "Doesn't t-take too much for the tables to turn on y-you, eh?"
K: "I'm sure we all know that well, at this point."
He was soon barbecued, turning the air conditioning on in reply.
A: "Yeah like that'd help."
M: "Amazing that c-car even had an A/C."
R: "It was a good thing he had the top up."
Now somewhat peeved, the Megas responded by punting Supernova into a nearly lake.
A: "You idiot, don't get distracted now!"
He clearly wasn't, sensing Supernova behind him and finishing it off with a well placed tree trunk.
A: "...Okay, credit where credit's due, not bad at all."
K: "I imagine this has made Jaime a millionaire in whatever currency this place uses."
Jaime instead 'let it ride', as he put it.
S: "He's gonna end up with trillions by the end of this."
E: "Not if an alien girl ends up vaporising him for getting too close."
A: "Kiva would've done it by now."
Interloper (08:30)
Speaking of Kiva, she was busy gathering her parts.
E: "I'm sure with everything they had, she would've found something."
K: "And she did. Fancy that."
A piece of hardware fell out of her grip, rolling into a room.
R: "It appears she is going somewhere she is not meant to go."
If Rei's words weren't enough, the green INTRUDER alert that popped up sure said as much.
A: "So what's the bet that's where they rig things?"
S: "Looks like things are gonna go a little bit haywire, though."
The appearance of several alien guards all but proved Shinji's point.
M: "You know f-for a fact she could take all of them on."
A: "I'm pretty sure we know that." With a small snicker. "Maybe we're looking forward to her kicking ass."
E: "Thing is, if they didn't insist, she might've been none the wiser as to what's going on."
S: "Those aliens don't look the most... smart, let's say."
Her asskicking was juxtaposed by Megas' asskicking, the both of them teaching the proper meaning of a beatdown to their unfortunate quarry.
And in sync, they won. "Man she really is a badass!" Celebrated Asuka.
S: "She's kissed by fire, of course she'd be a badass."
A small titter at that complement, as Kiva filed her concerns with Coop.
M: "What's the o-odds Coop brushes these c-concerns off?"
E: "One."
This odd of one collapsed to an odd of zero when Magnanimous revealed his plan. "And there is the catch."
A: "Wow, Kiva didn't even have to tell Coop about that."
K: "That seems somewhat idiotic on Magnanimous' part. Why would he tell him he loses?"
S: "What could Magnesium do, anyway? Coop could just hit him into the vacuum of space!"
M: "Or c-crush him like a soda can."
Dolla Dolla Bill (11:15)
While Coop and Kiva were figuring out how to unrig this rigged match, Jaime was bathing in his billions with a couple of alien chicks.
K: "Money has already corrupted him."
R: "Then again, I doubt such place would have similar morals to us."
M: "The fact M-Magnan-nimous is rigging the whole t-thing isn't proof enough of that?"
E: "These alien girls look strangely humanoid for being alien."
A: "Yeah, why do they have breasts?"
S: "Either way, we know way too much about what he's into."
Reality shifted once more, as the Megas faced a mecha to match itself.
K: "He's not going to throw this match."
M: "Of course he w-won't, his pride is at stake!"
R: "That red mech looks vaguely familiar to Gurren Lagaan."
A: "Oh he's fucked then!"
And so they faced off, the fake Gurren Lagaan falling in ten seconds flat.
S: "McGonagall's not gonna be too happy about that."
K: "He most likely just lost billions of galactic currency."
E: "Is that really all he wants out of the Megas?"
M: "Sure sounded l-like it. Get the odds up, get more p-people to bet on the Megas, then have it lose and rake in a-all that money."
R: "I doubt this league has a corruption watchdog, like many other sports leagues would have."
In an attempt to defeat the Megas, a bunch of tentacles restrained said mech.
M: "Well this is t-taking a strange turn."
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on one's inclinations, it was merely so the Megas could get punched by the Gurren Lagaan-esque mech.
K: "An excellent observation, Kiva."
R: "Even he picked up on that, Kaworu."
E: "Jaime certainly has his concerns in the right place."
S: "How would you even call them?"
A: "It'd be pretty fucking expensive. International minutes are bad enough, try intergalactic minutes."
Turning Tides (12:35)
Kiva worked her computer magic, and Coop smirked for the wrath he was about to bring.
A: "Oh this is gonna be good."
Asuka laughed like a madwoman as the Megas ripped and teared the enemy mech into pieces.
M: "And this is w-why you don't piss off the pilot of a giant r-robot."
E: "A lesson Magnanimous is to learn, it seems."
K: "Perhaps he should've also learnt not to bet all his money on a plan like this."
R: "How much money is he bleeding, to get broke in ten minutes?"
A: "The answer is too much."
Jaime with his loadsamoney found Kiva. Unfortunately for both of them, this was soon followed up by Magnanimous finding Jaime and Kiva.
M: "I doubt he w-wants his money."
R: "Might buy him a few more seconds of solvency."
K: "Methinks a hostage situation."
A: "Oh yeah, threaten the guy with a giant robot, would ya?"
The show didn't even bother showing the fight, instantly cutting to both of them in a jail cell. "That was quick."
S: "If only that money came in handy."
Magnanimous chose this time to taunt Coop in his giant robot.
E: "I'm assuming the incentive is lose or I vaporise them."
They saw this incentive.
A: "Is that a black hole?"
R: "I suppose technically that is still vaporisation."
K: "Spaghettification, if we're being pedantic."
Quantum Singularity (14:40)
He was back in high school for a brief moment.
E: "If only he listened as to what a quantum singularity is."
S: "What is a quantum singularity? Similar to a regular one?"
R: "I would assume."
A: "I'm just wondering why the hell school would teach something so niche in detail."
M: "Maybe t-that school was funded by M-Magnan-nimous."
K: "A portable black hole, he describes it."
A: "So a Rift?"
K: "You could call it that, yeah."
A: "What is it with these shows and quantum rifts!?"
R: "They had to come here somehow."
S: "Well either way, I doubt that'll happen."
E: "Not the least because we have a few more DVDs to go through."
They loaded into a Dragonball-esque landscape, a clearly samurai themed giant robot making their presence known.
Several samurai themed giant robots, actually. "He's really stacking things, ain't he?"
R: "That is what he has been trying to do, yes."
Coop did not throw this fight.
M: "Of course he's n-not gonna throw it now."
S: "Do you think he has a plan for getting Jaime and Kiva out of that prison, though?"
K: "'Defeat them and break them out before they drop into the black hole', perhaps."
And then he was going to throw the fight.
K: "Ah, he got cold feet."
R: "Seeing your friends almost fall into a black hole tends to do that, I would think."
Escape (16:05)
Kiva unlocked their jail cell.
A: "Well look at that, looks like he won't have to throw for too much longer!"
And Jaime almost immediately fell, barely being caught by Kiva.
S: "That wouldn't even matter if they still fell in."
E: "It'd enrage Coop enough to destroy the entire place, though."
As the duo tried to escape, Coop tried to throw the fight, only for his luck to destroy two of the samurai giant robots facing him.
Not like Magnanimous cared. "That wasn't h-his fault, though!"
K: "If anything, it helped Jaime and Kiva."
R: "Unless they also drop down."
A: "Ah Kiva's given him incentive enough."
M: "Talking to that lower b-brain of his, eh?"
A: "Women are pretty good at that sorta thing, Mari."
With newfound inspiration, he got his second wind for five seconds before immediately going back to disbelieving.
S: "Looks like appealing to the lower brain didn't work this time around."
K: "Not enough blood; all of it's going to the arms."
So Kiva took it into her own hands, clambering up over Jaime and dragging the both of them up.
E: "And why didn't she do that in the first place?"
A: "To give him a chance to show off, maybe?"
R: "Needless to say, she would be less than impressed."
Magnanimous sent in combat drones.
Which immediately backfired, Kiva managing to possess one of them and making quick work of the myriad drones.
All while Jaime screamed in terror. "Yeah that really w-won't impress her, eh?"
Either way, they ended up on the bonnet of a Plymouth Barracuda.
A: "Well, now Coop doesn't have any incentive not to burn this entire place to the ground."
Shut Up And Drive (18:00)
Despite being in a battle situation, Coop and Jaime found time for a quick yarn. "I suppose you would call this an enhanced truth."
E: "More like an outright lie."
A: "Seems Coop gets that sorta garnishing of the truth, though."
On Kiva's behest, they finally got back to kicking ass.
M: "Now this is m-more like it!"
S: "I imagine Cartoon Network know what people are watching this for."
A: "Brainless fun?"
K: "Brainless can be good, on occasion. Something you don't need to look much into."
R: "To have on in the background."
E: "While you two bonk, I'm sure."
R: "That is also a positive of mindless media."
Magnanimous reached the end of his rope, sending in everyone.
M: "I suppose w-we're now Hell in a Cell."
S: "That's a wrestling thing, I'm assuming."
R: "WWF, mainly. I take it you recall the 1998 Hell in a Cell between Mankind and The Undertaker, Mari?"
M: "Pfft, who d-doesn't? Even as someone not t-that into that sorta thing."
A: "Was it that memorable?"
R: "The Undertaker threw Mankind down sixteen feet onto the announcer's table."
Asuka blinked. "You gotta show be footage of that."
E: "Here's hoping the Megas throws Magnanimous sixteen feet into the quantum singularity."
600000000 To 1 (18:50)
A: "Ohh he's getting angry!"
E: "Should I remove 600000000 from the odds, again?"
K: "I'd say so. He's determined to beat Magnanimous, now."
S: "And we know well how determination translates into skill."
R: "Even in our world, the more determined you are dictates how well you do."
M: "Almost l-like that's a thing with the Evangelion."
A: "Just you wait until you see Gurren Lagaan, then you can know how upfront a series can be about determination."
Now thoroughly pissed, Coop went to town on everyone.
E: "He's just unstoppable, isn't he?"
R: "Pro tip: do not anger the pilot of a giant robot."
In twenty seconds flat, it was all over.
S: "About those odds."
A: "I think Magnanimous needs to get a new computer."
Evidently, Magnanimous thought that as well, instead taking matters into his own hands as the Sonic Abominator.
K: "Hmm, a sonic weapon."
R: "It sounds like they have such a weapon, as well."
E: "A good thing, otherwise they'd be high and dry."
The gang knew something was up with the surprisingly in-depth security system required to access this Jammer.
M: "He's gonna p-play his mixtape, isn't he?"
A: "I'm sure if anything could destroy Magnanimous."
From out of the chest of the Megas, plenty of giant speakers and a disco ball, all framing Coop with a microphone.
S: "Welp. I can see where this is going."
Jerry (20:40)
Kiva and Jaime also saw where this was going, making sure they were wearing the appropriate PPE for loud environments.
M: "He's e-either going to sound like trash, or he'll h-have a voice to rival Bing Crosby."
And so he started singing a love song about Jerry.
E: "It's the former." She muttered, not enjoying this sonic attack.
Neither was anyone else in the show, evidently, as they all got the fuck out of the increasingly damaged station
R: "If it works."
A: "He's fucking destroying the place!"
K: "And nothing of value was lost."
His magnum opus now complete, he had just one more thing on his todo list.
S: "Throwing Magnanimous sixteen feet into a black hole, perhaps."
A: "You got his name right, Shinji!" She praised, before gawking at the screen. "With a fucking energy sword?!"
E: "How the hell does he do this?"
R: "The power of awesome, perhaps."
K: "Just be as off the wall as possible and you'll go well?"
S: "Sounds like Gurren Lagaan."
And no one will forget that faithful day in 2004, where The Megas threw Magnanimous off Hell in a Cell, and plummeted sixteen feet into the quantum singularity.
The entire station exploding was just the cherry on top. "Fuck yes!" Asuka exclaimed.
M: "Even getting t-that belt, not bad at all!"
K: "Good to see you two enthusiastic about this."
A: "What can I say, brainless fun is still fun."
E: "And all at the cost of his hearing."
R: "Perhaps he should have been wearing those earplugs."
And so they head off for the planet of the Space Amazons, which the end credits revealed actually existed, complete with food court.
"The entire p-planet is a Hooters, good to k-know."
"We won't be visiting that place anytime soon." Chuckled Asuka. "All our boys have as much as they want from us, eh?"
Shinji and Kaworu simply nodded.
"Appears Jaime came on too hard on one of them."
"They are Amazonians." Shinji thought. "They kinda have a reputation for that thing."
"Reckon I'd fit right in with them." Mused Asuka. "Still, this show ain't that bad. Yeah it's pretty mindless but I like it regardless."
"As we say, as long as a medium is good, it should not matter how in-depth it is."
"Even if it is not good, you can still enjoy it."
"Mainly by r-roasting it."
"That's pretty much what we do, even if it's a good medium."
"Have y-you guys always done this with these sorts of t-things?"
"Oh hell yeah, even before they started going through Rifts."
"I recall plenty of words being said during our movie nights." Spoke Rei.
"At least when we're there." Prodded Asuka. "I'm sure when it's just you two, they aren't words per se."
"Indeed." With an innocent smile.
And so the next episode started.
~~~
M: "Oh w-we're suddenly Battlebots, n-now?"
A: "That's actually a thing?"
M: "Yeah, buncha people w-would built robots and fight them!"
They couldn't help but find this particular bot battle uninspiring.
R: "The real life version was more exciting than this, I would hope."
M: "Oh y-yeah."
S: "At least the announcer's enjoying it."
K: "Amazingly enough, it seems like everyone else is enjoying it, as well."
E: "Perhaps their lives are more boring than usual."
It cut to Coop and Jamie, watching that exact show in their own battle bot.
R: "Cannot say their lives are boring, and they are still watching it."
Zooming out to them bashing another mecha.
M: "Case in p-point?"
R: "Case in point."
K: "Ah, but it looks like that'll be the story of this episode."
A: "What, they use that battle bot in their own show? The Megas could just stomp on them, it wouldn't be entertaining at all!"
S: "It'd be more exciting than the bots on that show already."
Chicks Dig Giant Robots (00:40)
They witnessed the gloriousness that was the opening of Megas XLR.
A: "Oh my fucking God, why couldn't we have an OP like that?!"
M: "You can r-really tell they're from Jersey."
R: "I suppose that is another thing. Kiva has settled in well in the past, I feel."
E: "She was laughing along with them watching that TV show. If that wasn't an indicator."
K: "And there's that line, again." He chuckled.
S: "It's a lot more than chicks, at least."
A: "Everyone likes giant robots, Shinji. If this were any other country, we'd probably be celebrities."
M: "I always w-wondered that. You lot have saved the planet countless t-times, and yet no one even so much as recognises y-you."
R: "I would call that the work of NERV in keeping our identities hidden."
K: "And I doubt people would call it honourable, using children to pilot the giant robots. Necessary it may've been."
A: "Otherwise, I'm sure our lives would've been like the pilots in Pacific Rim, going on midnight talk shows and shit."
M: "That another R-Rift material?"
A: "Yeah, another western sorta mecha."
S: "And also one that's actually live action."
M: "Ah, m-meaning they had to make it somewhat r-realistic. Were they similar to the E-Evangelion?"
E: "Not exactly, at least not before we borrowed a few ideas about piloting from them and another Rift material."
R: "That is essentially how the NACSS came to be."
M: "I wonder if p-people would call that cheating, using o-otherworldly inspirations."
K: "It's certainly using it to our advantage, that's for sure."
Service (01:30)
The Barra was currently being serviced. "Ah, the natural habitat of any Chrysler vehicle."
R: "A good thing he is handy with such vehicles, then."
E: "It's obvious resources aren't an issue for him."
M: "You p-probably think it lucky the Evangelion wasn't outsourced to an a-automotive manufacturer, Asuka."
S: "Since it sounds like almost all of them suck."
K: "Except for the German brands, oddly enough."
A: "In my defence, I only really like one group of German branded cars. And hell, you guys might've gotten away with it; Japanese cars seem reliable, if uninspired."
R: "I do not think inspiration is much of a concern for most people purchasing a car in Japan. Of course, there is always the enthusiast."
M: "Which you c-could certainly call Coop."
K: "Not exactly Kiva's concerns, aren't they?"
A: "Or Jaime's." She muttered, as it cut to his imagination spot. "I'm sure any of those Space Amazonians could cave his head in, if they wanted to."
S: "Thing is, he'd probably like that."
E: "You can bet Kiva would cave his head in for her depiction."
R: "Coop might not like his depiction, either."
Big Head (02:35)
Jaime was further distracted by the appearance of Magnanimous, aptly described by Jaime as a giant head with tiny arms and legs.
E: "Is he just a giant head?"
S: "How does that even work?"
M: "Is that Bruce C-Campbell?"
R: "Let us hope he does explain just what he is."
He tried to, but Coop and Jaime were more distracted by the fact a giant head with tiny arms and legs were talking to them.
K: "Perhaps the reason Earth wasn't eligible for such a league was due to the fact they couldn't get past the appearance of Magnanimous."
A: "It is a rather significant issue to get past, for most people."
Once the initial shock of a giant head with tiny arms and legs wore off, Coop was all ears for Magnanimous' idea.
R: "She certainly does not seem excited."
M: "Not like he r-really focuses on her concerns."
S: "That does seem pretty cool, admittedly."
A: "They make it sound like it's professional wrestling." She scoffed. "Hey Rei, you apparently know a bit about professional wrestling. You heard of Bruce Campbell?"
R: "Not from wrestling; he's starred in plenty of B movies though."
E: "Sounds like he's perfect for this show, then."
Bash Fest (04:00)
Coop made the decision that everyone expected, and they were off to outer space.
A: "So what, humanity there doesn't even know there's an intergalactic Battlebots going on?"
R: "That is what Magnanimous implied, yes."
K: "Of course, I doubt it is anything related to any sort of prime directive they may or may not have."
E: "They probably think of us the same way Kiva thought of us."
M: "Just t-they wait until they find our w-world."
S: "Can you even call our Evangelion robots? They're kinda different in architecture."
A: "As long as none of the armour comes off, you could get away with calling them that."
R: "I thought Jaime would have been excited about all this."
E: "Is he ever excited about anything?"
M: "I d-doubt this excitement would increase, not being allowed in the a-arena."
K: "I'm sure there's things to do. Food to eat. Events to watch."
S: "What food would they have there? It wouldn't be anything we were used to."
A: "Might not even be anything we could eat. For all we know those aliens could eat dynamite as an entree!"
R: "At least the others can occupy themselves in the junkyard."
M: "Coop would've been m-most interested in that, I imagine."
They briefly saw the junkyard.
E: "Fancy there's other giant robots there."
K: "May come in handy, I imagine."
Battlegrounds (05:20)
Jaime found his way to the odds.
M: "I know some of t-those letters."
K: "For being an alien society, there's a strange amount of Greek."
A: "Maybe Ancient Athens colonised space, cause God knows the Greeks nowadays couldn't even afford a firework."
E: "And those are some low odds for the Megas."
S: "Almost makes you think it was rigged."
R: "That is probably the catch with Magnanimous' offer."
A: "Can't deny Jaime's confident."
M: "He has e-every right to be confident."
And so he placed his bet, the teller taking everything but his money.
S: "What would you even get out of that bet?"
E: "Whatever currency they use in space. Galactic Credits or something like that."
M: "Probably n-not a currency usable by them, eh?"
With everything squared away, Bruce Campbell's head began announcing.
R: "If he is not an announcer for professional wrestling, he should be."
M: "Pulls it o-off well, doesn't he?"
The Megas was the first introduced, to minimum fanfare.
S: "At least Magonimus is enthusiastic about it."
A: "It's kinda his job, after all."
The enemy bot, Supernova, was given a much greater reception by the crowd.
K: "So what's the bet the Megas defeats Supernova?"
E: "45000 to 1, ostensibly."
A: "I'd probably cut those odds down by... oh, I don't know, 45000?"
E: "We're only seven minutes into this episode, after all."
Chicken Dinner (07:15)
After a few brief words, and for the environment to load in, they got to fighting.
A: "Well look at that, it's kinda like our simulator!"
R: "Ritsuko would not allow us to have a battle royale in the simulator."
S: "It'd certainly be entertaining."
Coop's brief distraction was enough for him to get punched into a tree.
E: "This is why we don't get distracted."
M: "Doesn't t-take too much for the tables to turn on y-you, eh?"
K: "I'm sure we all know that well, at this point."
He was soon barbecued, turning the air conditioning on in reply.
A: "Yeah like that'd help."
M: "Amazing that c-car even had an A/C."
R: "It was a good thing he had the top up."
Now somewhat peeved, the Megas responded by punting Supernova into a nearly lake.
A: "You idiot, don't get distracted now!"
He clearly wasn't, sensing Supernova behind him and finishing it off with a well placed tree trunk.
A: "...Okay, credit where credit's due, not bad at all."
K: "I imagine this has made Jaime a millionaire in whatever currency this place uses."
Jaime instead 'let it ride', as he put it.
S: "He's gonna end up with trillions by the end of this."
E: "Not if an alien girl ends up vaporising him for getting too close."
A: "Kiva would've done it by now."
Interloper (08:30)
Speaking of Kiva, she was busy gathering her parts.
E: "I'm sure with everything they had, she would've found something."
K: "And she did. Fancy that."
A piece of hardware fell out of her grip, rolling into a room.
R: "It appears she is going somewhere she is not meant to go."
If Rei's words weren't enough, the green INTRUDER alert that popped up sure said as much.
A: "So what's the bet that's where they rig things?"
S: "Looks like things are gonna go a little bit haywire, though."
The appearance of several alien guards all but proved Shinji's point.
M: "You know f-for a fact she could take all of them on."
A: "I'm pretty sure we know that." With a small snicker. "Maybe we're looking forward to her kicking ass."
E: "Thing is, if they didn't insist, she might've been none the wiser as to what's going on."
S: "Those aliens don't look the most... smart, let's say."
Her asskicking was juxtaposed by Megas' asskicking, the both of them teaching the proper meaning of a beatdown to their unfortunate quarry.
And in sync, they won. "Man she really is a badass!" Celebrated Asuka.
S: "She's kissed by fire, of course she'd be a badass."
A small titter at that complement, as Kiva filed her concerns with Coop.
M: "What's the o-odds Coop brushes these c-concerns off?"
E: "One."
This odd of one collapsed to an odd of zero when Magnanimous revealed his plan. "And there is the catch."
A: "Wow, Kiva didn't even have to tell Coop about that."
K: "That seems somewhat idiotic on Magnanimous' part. Why would he tell him he loses?"
S: "What could Magnesium do, anyway? Coop could just hit him into the vacuum of space!"
M: "Or c-crush him like a soda can."
Dolla Dolla Bill (11:15)
While Coop and Kiva were figuring out how to unrig this rigged match, Jaime was bathing in his billions with a couple of alien chicks.
K: "Money has already corrupted him."
R: "Then again, I doubt such place would have similar morals to us."
M: "The fact M-Magnan-nimous is rigging the whole t-thing isn't proof enough of that?"
E: "These alien girls look strangely humanoid for being alien."
A: "Yeah, why do they have breasts?"
S: "Either way, we know way too much about what he's into."
Reality shifted once more, as the Megas faced a mecha to match itself.
K: "He's not going to throw this match."
M: "Of course he w-won't, his pride is at stake!"
R: "That red mech looks vaguely familiar to Gurren Lagaan."
A: "Oh he's fucked then!"
And so they faced off, the fake Gurren Lagaan falling in ten seconds flat.
S: "McGonagall's not gonna be too happy about that."
K: "He most likely just lost billions of galactic currency."
E: "Is that really all he wants out of the Megas?"
M: "Sure sounded l-like it. Get the odds up, get more p-people to bet on the Megas, then have it lose and rake in a-all that money."
R: "I doubt this league has a corruption watchdog, like many other sports leagues would have."
In an attempt to defeat the Megas, a bunch of tentacles restrained said mech.
M: "Well this is t-taking a strange turn."
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on one's inclinations, it was merely so the Megas could get punched by the Gurren Lagaan-esque mech.
K: "An excellent observation, Kiva."
R: "Even he picked up on that, Kaworu."
E: "Jaime certainly has his concerns in the right place."
S: "How would you even call them?"
A: "It'd be pretty fucking expensive. International minutes are bad enough, try intergalactic minutes."
Turning Tides (12:35)
Kiva worked her computer magic, and Coop smirked for the wrath he was about to bring.
A: "Oh this is gonna be good."
Asuka laughed like a madwoman as the Megas ripped and teared the enemy mech into pieces.
M: "And this is w-why you don't piss off the pilot of a giant r-robot."
E: "A lesson Magnanimous is to learn, it seems."
K: "Perhaps he should've also learnt not to bet all his money on a plan like this."
R: "How much money is he bleeding, to get broke in ten minutes?"
A: "The answer is too much."
Jaime with his loadsamoney found Kiva. Unfortunately for both of them, this was soon followed up by Magnanimous finding Jaime and Kiva.
M: "I doubt he w-wants his money."
R: "Might buy him a few more seconds of solvency."
K: "Methinks a hostage situation."
A: "Oh yeah, threaten the guy with a giant robot, would ya?"
The show didn't even bother showing the fight, instantly cutting to both of them in a jail cell. "That was quick."
S: "If only that money came in handy."
Magnanimous chose this time to taunt Coop in his giant robot.
E: "I'm assuming the incentive is lose or I vaporise them."
They saw this incentive.
A: "Is that a black hole?"
R: "I suppose technically that is still vaporisation."
K: "Spaghettification, if we're being pedantic."
Quantum Singularity (14:40)
He was back in high school for a brief moment.
E: "If only he listened as to what a quantum singularity is."
S: "What is a quantum singularity? Similar to a regular one?"
R: "I would assume."
A: "I'm just wondering why the hell school would teach something so niche in detail."
M: "Maybe t-that school was funded by M-Magnan-nimous."
K: "A portable black hole, he describes it."
A: "So a Rift?"
K: "You could call it that, yeah."
A: "What is it with these shows and quantum rifts!?"
R: "They had to come here somehow."
S: "Well either way, I doubt that'll happen."
E: "Not the least because we have a few more DVDs to go through."
They loaded into a Dragonball-esque landscape, a clearly samurai themed giant robot making their presence known.
Several samurai themed giant robots, actually. "He's really stacking things, ain't he?"
R: "That is what he has been trying to do, yes."
Coop did not throw this fight.
M: "Of course he's n-not gonna throw it now."
S: "Do you think he has a plan for getting Jaime and Kiva out of that prison, though?"
K: "'Defeat them and break them out before they drop into the black hole', perhaps."
And then he was going to throw the fight.
K: "Ah, he got cold feet."
R: "Seeing your friends almost fall into a black hole tends to do that, I would think."
Escape (16:05)
Kiva unlocked their jail cell.
A: "Well look at that, looks like he won't have to throw for too much longer!"
And Jaime almost immediately fell, barely being caught by Kiva.
S: "That wouldn't even matter if they still fell in."
E: "It'd enrage Coop enough to destroy the entire place, though."
As the duo tried to escape, Coop tried to throw the fight, only for his luck to destroy two of the samurai giant robots facing him.
Not like Magnanimous cared. "That wasn't h-his fault, though!"
K: "If anything, it helped Jaime and Kiva."
R: "Unless they also drop down."
A: "Ah Kiva's given him incentive enough."
M: "Talking to that lower b-brain of his, eh?"
A: "Women are pretty good at that sorta thing, Mari."
With newfound inspiration, he got his second wind for five seconds before immediately going back to disbelieving.
S: "Looks like appealing to the lower brain didn't work this time around."
K: "Not enough blood; all of it's going to the arms."
So Kiva took it into her own hands, clambering up over Jaime and dragging the both of them up.
E: "And why didn't she do that in the first place?"
A: "To give him a chance to show off, maybe?"
R: "Needless to say, she would be less than impressed."
Magnanimous sent in combat drones.
Which immediately backfired, Kiva managing to possess one of them and making quick work of the myriad drones.
All while Jaime screamed in terror. "Yeah that really w-won't impress her, eh?"
Either way, they ended up on the bonnet of a Plymouth Barracuda.
A: "Well, now Coop doesn't have any incentive not to burn this entire place to the ground."
Shut Up And Drive (18:00)
Despite being in a battle situation, Coop and Jaime found time for a quick yarn. "I suppose you would call this an enhanced truth."
E: "More like an outright lie."
A: "Seems Coop gets that sorta garnishing of the truth, though."
On Kiva's behest, they finally got back to kicking ass.
M: "Now this is m-more like it!"
S: "I imagine Cartoon Network know what people are watching this for."
A: "Brainless fun?"
K: "Brainless can be good, on occasion. Something you don't need to look much into."
R: "To have on in the background."
E: "While you two bonk, I'm sure."
R: "That is also a positive of mindless media."
Magnanimous reached the end of his rope, sending in everyone.
M: "I suppose w-we're now Hell in a Cell."
S: "That's a wrestling thing, I'm assuming."
R: "WWF, mainly. I take it you recall the 1998 Hell in a Cell between Mankind and The Undertaker, Mari?"
M: "Pfft, who d-doesn't? Even as someone not t-that into that sorta thing."
A: "Was it that memorable?"
R: "The Undertaker threw Mankind down sixteen feet onto the announcer's table."
Asuka blinked. "You gotta show be footage of that."
E: "Here's hoping the Megas throws Magnanimous sixteen feet into the quantum singularity."
600000000 To 1 (18:50)
A: "Ohh he's getting angry!"
E: "Should I remove 600000000 from the odds, again?"
K: "I'd say so. He's determined to beat Magnanimous, now."
S: "And we know well how determination translates into skill."
R: "Even in our world, the more determined you are dictates how well you do."
M: "Almost l-like that's a thing with the Evangelion."
A: "Just you wait until you see Gurren Lagaan, then you can know how upfront a series can be about determination."
Now thoroughly pissed, Coop went to town on everyone.
E: "He's just unstoppable, isn't he?"
R: "Pro tip: do not anger the pilot of a giant robot."
In twenty seconds flat, it was all over.
S: "About those odds."
A: "I think Magnanimous needs to get a new computer."
Evidently, Magnanimous thought that as well, instead taking matters into his own hands as the Sonic Abominator.
K: "Hmm, a sonic weapon."
R: "It sounds like they have such a weapon, as well."
E: "A good thing, otherwise they'd be high and dry."
The gang knew something was up with the surprisingly in-depth security system required to access this Jammer.
M: "He's gonna p-play his mixtape, isn't he?"
A: "I'm sure if anything could destroy Magnanimous."
From out of the chest of the Megas, plenty of giant speakers and a disco ball, all framing Coop with a microphone.
S: "Welp. I can see where this is going."
Jerry (20:40)
Kiva and Jaime also saw where this was going, making sure they were wearing the appropriate PPE for loud environments.
M: "He's e-either going to sound like trash, or he'll h-have a voice to rival Bing Crosby."
And so he started singing a love song about Jerry.
E: "It's the former." She muttered, not enjoying this sonic attack.
Neither was anyone else in the show, evidently, as they all got the fuck out of the increasingly damaged station
R: "If it works."
A: "He's fucking destroying the place!"
K: "And nothing of value was lost."
His magnum opus now complete, he had just one more thing on his todo list.
S: "Throwing Magnanimous sixteen feet into a black hole, perhaps."
A: "You got his name right, Shinji!" She praised, before gawking at the screen. "With a fucking energy sword?!"
E: "How the hell does he do this?"
R: "The power of awesome, perhaps."
K: "Just be as off the wall as possible and you'll go well?"
S: "Sounds like Gurren Lagaan."
And no one will forget that faithful day in 2004, where The Megas threw Magnanimous off Hell in a Cell, and plummeted sixteen feet into the quantum singularity.
The entire station exploding was just the cherry on top. "Fuck yes!" Asuka exclaimed.
M: "Even getting t-that belt, not bad at all!"
K: "Good to see you two enthusiastic about this."
A: "What can I say, brainless fun is still fun."
E: "And all at the cost of his hearing."
R: "Perhaps he should have been wearing those earplugs."
And so they head off for the planet of the Space Amazons, which the end credits revealed actually existed, complete with food court.
"The entire p-planet is a Hooters, good to k-know."
"We won't be visiting that place anytime soon." Chuckled Asuka. "All our boys have as much as they want from us, eh?"
Shinji and Kaworu simply nodded.
"Appears Jaime came on too hard on one of them."
"They are Amazonians." Shinji thought. "They kinda have a reputation for that thing."
"Reckon I'd fit right in with them." Mused Asuka. "Still, this show ain't that bad. Yeah it's pretty mindless but I like it regardless."
"As we say, as long as a medium is good, it should not matter how in-depth it is."
"Even if it is not good, you can still enjoy it."
"Mainly by r-roasting it."
"That's pretty much what we do, even if it's a good medium."
"Have y-you guys always done this with these sorts of t-things?"
"Oh hell yeah, even before they started going through Rifts."
"I recall plenty of words being said during our movie nights." Spoke Rei.
"At least when we're there." Prodded Asuka. "I'm sure when it's just you two, they aren't words per se."
"Indeed." With an innocent smile.
And so the next episode started.
~~~
Summertime (00:00)
Coop was occupying his time training in the junkyard.
A: "Man I wish I could train by throwing wrecked cars at shit."
R: "Yes, I am sure Ritsuko would be happy about that."
M: "I'm m-more impressed by Goat not f-flinching at all."
K: "Seems he cares more about getting a tan."
E: "Why are they complaining about temperature? That car has an air conditioner!"
A: "If Cartoon Network even remembered they had an A/C."
S: "Which was shown last episode."
R: "From what it sounds, it is broken. Which is somewhat understandable, given it had to condition the air coming from a flamethrower."
A: "I dunno, I'd probably prioritise comfort in piloting. At least once you get it to some sort of operating spec."
K: "Which it was."
It was therefore rather understandable why Coop wanted a slushie.
S: "Y'know something? I don't think I've ever had a slushie."
Asuka looked gobsmacked. "Can't you get them at any 7/11?"
M: "God k-knows that was always rather nice in the summer."
To which Shinji shrugged. "Never really thought about it, honestly."
A: "Well, we know now to get you one when summer comes round again!"
Thus Coop neglected servicing the Megas to go on a quest for a slushie.
Which, instead of going to the nearest 7/11 or whatever it would've been called in the Megas world, Coop instead opted to go to space.
R: "Perhaps 7/11 have franchises in orbit."
E: "I've always wondered how a Plymouth Barracuda handles the vacuum of space."
K: "Better than expected for a soft top coupe. Not many cars make it to orbit, oddly enough."
M: "My dad would a-always say that about one of his c-cars, that he'd send it into o-orbits."
S: "I take it wasn't a particularly good car?"
M: "Old Jeep, t-take what you will from t-that."
Uncloaked (01:35)
Coop's quest for slushie was cut short by a sudden nothing.
K: "A force field of some sort, perhaps?"
A: "Not like Kiva knows."
E: "Might be something cloaked. If the sensors can't sense anything."
S: "And they just hit it by chance?"
E: "Just because something is cloaked does not necessarily mean you can go through it. Of course, this could be a failure on the cloaked vessel's part, as well."
M: "Not h-having the ability to get out of t-the way of a wayward object?"
E: "Exactly. Though then again, we do not know if moving disrupts a cloak, as well."
R: "Depends on the universe, I am sure."
Coop went back down to Earth to get his mega slush, and Eliza's thoughts were confirmed.
A: "I wonder how you guessed that, Eliza."
E: "I did say if it bumped into something but the sensors didn't get anything, did I?"
S: "What are these aliens doing cloaked around Earth, anyway?"
A: "Maybe they're perving on all the satellite porno, depends if that MTV satellite was necessary to all that."
Their true purposes were revealed.
K: "I don't recall any black hole in the vicinity of Earth, what are they doing there with such a cargo?"
M: "You could s-still say they were perving on satellite p-porno."
R: "And look what happened. I am sure there will be plenty of questions from their contractor when they get back."
A: "If they get back to Space-DHL or whatever logistics company they work for."
The delivery bugs decided to make the most of their situation, stopping on the blue planet for refreshments.
The same exact planet the purportedly dangerous cargo was currently aerobraking into.
E: "And here we have the plot for this episode."
M: "As long as C-Coop gets his slushie, I don't t-think he'd complain too much."
Traffic Jam (03:35)
M: "This really is A-America."
A: "Why are they stuck in traffic?!"
E: "I'm sure Coop registered the Megas as a car."
R: "I have not seen any license plates on the Megas."
S: "Still, they could just... not use the motorways."
K: "Could it really be too hot to fly?"
M: "Maybe in a-an American summer, with no air c-conditioning."
Some asshole in a Hummer cut in front of Coop.
Mari snorted. "T-typical Hummer driver. Even t-talking on his damn phone."
A: "What the fuck is a Hummer?"
R: "I thought they were military vehicles. I recall Kensuke talking about them."
M: "They are; GM m-make civilian versions. I think they're u-up to the H5? H6?"
A: "Why would a civvie need a military vehicle?!"
S: "Why can I see Kensuke driving one."
There was a brief lull in the conversation, as they couldn't help but chuckle at how Coop dealt with the Hummer. "I'm surprised he didn't crush him."
R: "And he still did not notice."
K: "I can't imagine the efficiency on a Hummer being good."
M: "Honestly, t-they're just any old SUV n-nowadays. Like an Escalade or a N-Navigator."
A: "So giant gas guzzlers, like anything America apparently makes."
M: "They d-don't really guzzle gas anymore. More l-like steady sipping."
E: "I know Mama rode in a GMC something when she visited NERV-Massachusetts."
M: "Yeah, NERV-N-Nevada used the same kind of SUVs as c-company cars."
R: "I would think General Motors offered them to NERV at discount, so they could say they were helping the effort to save the world."
$1.49 (04:40)
Their attention was drawn back to the show, as Coop put his foot on the brakes.
E: "If you guys were paying attention, you'd know he was talking about the 44 ounce slushie."
A: "Oh right, the show." She blinked. "Do they really not have a dollar and 49 cents?"
S: "I don't think their winnings last episode counted for anything."
R: "Or could be converted into American dollars."
M: "44 o-ounces for $1.49?" Mari spoke in awe. "That'd be at l-least five bucks here!"
K: "Perhaps inflation does not exist in the world of Megas."
S: "How much is 44 ounces, again?"
E: "Approximately 1.25 litres."
Shinji's eyes went wide. "That's so much!"
A: "Something that'd never be sold in Japan, I'm sure."
M: "Maybe y-you guys need to go on vacation to America n-next."
The boys decided to check the seat cushions.
E: "Because seat cushions are coin magnets."
A: "You'd be surprised just how many coins I find in Misato's seats. I don't even know why she has them; there's no toll booths between our apartment and NERV anyway."
A meteor fell from the sky, as Jaime found a buck.
A: "I always found it strange how you guys have dollars as notes."
Mari shrugged. "We actually do h-have dollar coins as well as notes. No one likes them."
A: "Oh so you just use notes instead."
Mari nodded. "I t-think it's because a note feels more significant than a c-coin, makes it look like it's worth more."
Once again, they were drawn back to the show by a loud noise. "Did we miss anything?"
E: "It's just about to happen, I feel."
A small robotic eye emerged from a crater.
A: "That's the danger?"
Out of said crater soon came legs, the robot known as the REGIS MARK V making sure everyone knows its name.
S: "Yeah, I think that would be a danger."
R: "No wonder Space-DHL wanted it thrown in a black hole."
Regedit (05:30)
Everyone was soon laughing, at how utterly tiny REGIS was. "Ah, the wonder of camera angles."
S: "Does that kid know they're in danger?"
Apparently not, as REGIS once more insisted he could enslave this planet on his own, blowing up what was left of an MTV billboard as if to drive this point home.
A: "And he's still drinking his slushie."
E: "How the hell is that cool?"
K: "At the very least, it should be easy to defeat Regis."
R: "It will not be."
K: "Of course it won't."
All the while, the Megas crew continued looking for spare change.
M: "That p-puts them at $1.35."
S: "A grade schooler could add that up."
A: "You think those two paid attention in school, Shinji?"
E: "Why doesn't the Megas have a calculator? Even I can do base functions like that if required."
R: "We would usually ask for more complex equations than that."
M: "Since I'm s-sure everyone can do 2+2."
E: "Ten." She sardonically replied. "In base 4."
All the while REGIS and his appropriately pocket sized ominous choir continued flexing on the humans he was to enslave.
More specifically, flexing on a fire hydrant. "Oh no, not the poor fire hydrant! Whatever will rate payers do when they get three cents added to their next water bill?"
K: "At least the kids are having fun with this."
A van hydroplaned and spun.
Right into REGIS, sending it plowing through two vehicles.
R: "Credit where credit is due, I though that was going to knock them out."
S: "Seems they thought about that, as well."
A: "Wasn't even intentional."
M: "I'm s-sure if he manages to anger Coop, he'll figure o-out there is someone on Earth that could d-defeat him."
Slush (06:55)
Coop and company were now eagerly waiting in line for a 44 ounce slushie. "Honestly you just need one of those." Asuka thought. "Hell, that'd be enough for all six of us!"
M: "It helps s-some of us can double up on the w-whole body situation."
R: "We cannot deny the economical aspect of combining two people into one." She chuckled in amusement. "There may be a moral aspect, however."
S: "I'm sure we all couldn't get through that."
K: "You know we are Nephilim, right? We could get through at least half of that."
R: "Perhaps even three quarters if we exert ourselves."
M: "Man y-you guys don't eat much, do you?"
S: "Then again, not like we need to eat much."
A: "It's all in those genes and society, eh? Cause God knows I can eat quite a bit when I want to."
R: "Smaller bodies require less energy, who thought."
E: "No wonder Coop wants a 1.25 litre slushie so badly."
Kiva managed to determine what they hit and the cargo it carried.
A: "And with a full second before Regis attacked them!"
S: "Sounds like he's got the non fuel efficient part of the cars right."
M: "You'd g-get more mileage out of a Beetle than you would o-out of a Hummer."
R: "What would the efficiency of the Megas be?"
M: "Zero, h-highway and city."
Coop was eagerly pouring out his tri-chamber slushie, before Jaime pointed out the slightly inconvenient fact of an alien tearing up the streets.
This eagerness was cut short when the slushie machine encountered a terminal case of Volkswagen Beetle. "Welp, he's about to get mad."
E: "I don't think Regis has any idea about crowd control."
Indeed, he got mad, immediately getting in the Megas and confronting the slushie murdering machine.
As just about everyone expected, the Megas crushed REGIS underfoot.
The group laughed, especially as Coop scraped REGIS off onto a nearby building. "That's what you get for ruining his slushie!"
Problem now dealt with, they left for the nearest mega-slush machine.
K: "But of course, it was not going to be that easy."
R: "We still have over half an episode to get through after all, by my count."
This problem only got worse, as REGIS committed the federal offence of mail tampering in order to absorb resources into itself.
S: "This is why you gotta be thorough."
A: "Not like Coop knows this."
The Search for More Slush (09:55)
Ignorant to all this, Coop continued on his quest for a slushie.
M: "I only j-just noticed, the Megas has brake lights."
R: "It does drive on the road. It would have to have some things to make it street legal."
E: "I don't think that was exactly Coop's focus with the Megas."
A: "I don't see any indicators anyway. It's just all brake light."
M: "You can use r-rear brake lights as rear indicators in A-America. Makes it look cleaner, in m-my opinion."
Asuka blinked. "You can what?!"
REGIS moving to destroy yet another slushie machine distracted her from more car talk.
S: "At least they might get somewhere, this time around."
K: "Regis certainly seems cocky about this."
M: "Can a r-robot be cocky?"
E: "Depends if they're sentient, or not. Otherwise, it's all simulated."
R: "Simulated cockiness is still cockiness, at least to the uninitiated."
REGIS now taken care of, they got to the slushie.
A: "Oh wow, they actually got their slushies."
S: "And they actually had enough money for one."
M: "M-maybe they only got the 22 o-ounce version."
As soon as Coop was about to take a sip, the Megas encountered a sudden case of flying girder to the head, not only destroying the place they got their slushie from, but their slashes as well.
Everyone gave a flat look to Asuka.
A: "Sorry for jinxing it." She muttered, folding her arms.
Coop wanted to smash REGIS' head in, but Kiva dragged him out of such thinking, much like a mother would.
E: "She does have a point. It hasn't worked."
S: "Maybe if they fed the slushie to Regis, the amount of sugar will fry his systems."
M: "Or w-would convince him Earth is worth k-keeping."
K: "Or at least America."
Glancing over his various controls, Coop found this whole no smashing thing much harder than first thought.
R: "I suppose flamethrowers work."
E: "It's technically melting."
Jerkey (12:10)
Kiva went to investigate as Coop and Jaime went for another slushie.
E: "I'm sure jerkey is better than any of the food she eats in the future."
M: "Jerkey is a-actually pretty good, depending on what you get."
R: "As any food. It is all quality dependent."
A: "I doubt vending machine jerkey would be as good as homemade jerkey."
S: "Depends on the preservatives used."
The candle patched in her findings to the boys. At least she thought she was, if not for the fact they weren't in the car, instead counting pennies in the nearby convenience store.
E: "Wouldn't she know they weren't in there?"
K: "Perhaps her transmitter has a camera but not a screen. Many a film camera is like that."
A: "Her tech is a thousand years removed from our tech, though."
All this technology did nothing to alert her, as the REGIS rebuilt itself once more, ripping apart a playground in the process.
K: "Yes, there does seem to be a few holes in her technology, unfortunately."
M: "It looks l-like everyone but Earth has this sort of advanced t-technology."
S: "It'd look like that with our Earth as well."
A: "At least outside NERV."
Coop lost count of his coins (no thanks to Goat), while Kiva tried to outrun REGIS.
R: "And they still do not know about this."
K: "I'm sure they'll only find out once Regis destroys their slushies again. As that seems to be the running theme this episode."
Within about ten seconds of them finding out, they Kamehameha'd a hole straight through the renegade robot.
E: "Too easy."
K: "He somehow pronounced coup de grace worse than I expected."
This coop the gracie only ended up putting the convenience store out of its misery, sucking it into a black hole. "Oh come on!"
S: "Just imagine how Coop's feeling."
Katamari (14:15)
REGIS began absorbing yet more.
M: "Now they have a s-slight pickle on their hands."
A: "I think this slight pickle started ten minutes ago."
E: "Bit more than slight, as well."
S: "What even powers Regis, anyway?"
R: "They most likely have an ability to absorb energy from what they consume. As I doubt they would have a Solenoid."
They all blinked at the new equipment REGIS possessed.
A: "Well, they're slightly more boned now."
K: "We can say Coop sticks to his guns, at least. He knows his strengths."
R: "Fighting is just finding the correct way to smash something, anyway."
S: "Sometimes that smashing just involves a prototype proton rifle from several kilometres away."
M: "That's more p-precision smashing, at that point."
E: "Coop can learn that, at least."
His smashing done (destroying the company that made the Mega Slush in the process), attention once more turned to the slushie. "Maybe if you two didn't smash up New Jersey on a weekly basis."
K: "Recent history has taught us this will not be what destroys Regis."
A: "That WcDonalds is about to get destroyed, I'm guessing."
Supersize Me (15:40)
Asuka was unfortunately proven right, as the now thoroughly supersized REGIS made his presence known. "Well shit."
Once more pissed off, Coop went to town.
K: "This is just endurance on Regis' part, at the moment."
E: "Eventually the Megas will fall, which will leave Regis unchallenged."
S: "Unless they figure out how to defeat it."
M: "That's g-generally how these shows go, yeah."
If only to crush his hopes more, REGIS absorbed the last Mega Slush machine in the Greater New Jersey area.
A: "Probably the last anything in that area, judging by the surroundings."
Before beginning to absorb the Megas.
R: "It will be the last anything for them, as well."
And so they were sucked in, all the while REGIS continued flexing on the inferior human race.
E: "Well that was quick."
K: "Of course, that is not th-"
Preempting Kaworu, Megas broke out, this palaver only serving to anger Coop more.
M: "Anger's one t-thing; he hasn't been able to use it e-effectively."
A: "You wouldn't think that, with how he's been acting this ep."
S: "I'm not even gonna fall for this."
We Are Many (17:35)
Coop went on about if life was worth living without a Mega Slush, as REGIS went about living life.
K: "I suppose we should call them Legion, now."
R: "A rather apt name."
A: "I'm sure those two wouldn't care about such wordplay."
M: "Unless you c-connected it to a slushie, somehow."
E: "All this started from them just wanting a slushie!"
K: "Hence the title." Noting in amusement, Coop making that exact same observation.
S: "Looks like this is gonna get interesting."
A: "I wouldn't really think that, they just get up again!"
Coop kept fighting, the REGIS continuing to put up resistance.
M: "No one n-needs to tell me the temperature w-will factor in."
K: "Subtle foreshadowing is excellent like that, is it not?"
This foreshadow became a current shadow, the Megas unable to take the heat and shutting down, smoking everywhere.
A: "That's probably just the engine that Barra uses."
R: "I doubt they can do the standard procedure for when an engine overheats."
S: "What is the standard procedure?"
R: "Wait for it to cool, and check for coolant."
E: "They don't even have time."
Their luck have it, REGIS chose this time to stop working. "...Well fancy that." Kaworu chuckled. "I believe we've found their flaw."
A: "Are they solar powered? Why the hell would they be solar powered?! You could just wait until nighttime for them to stop working!"
M: "That's p-probably why it was in a sealed container."
S: "Sounds like Kiva prefers a plan that doesn't involve the night."
Coop thought of a plan.
A: "Looks like he's got a bit of a mind in there!"
Smoked (20:20)
As REGIS was wont to do, they once more taunted the Megas.
E: "Here's hoping that plan works."
R: "It did unintentionally, so it should intentionally."
Indeed it was working, Megas emitting so much greenhouse gas it blocked out the sky and most likely sent climate conservation efforts back by a decade.
M: "Seems like C-Coop's learning you sometimes have to take an o-objective view to fighting."
A: "Yeah, even I know you can't just rip and tear. Even though I am pretty good at it."
S: "But you still have a good mind for planning and strategy."
K: "As tends to happen, when piloting giant mecha."
And so the REGIS ran out of power, collapsing into nothing as Megas surveyed this empire of dirt.
M: "We d-did it, Coop! We saved New J-Jersey!"
E: "Of course, according to you this is just New Jersey normally."
A: "Might have to take that with a grain of salt, Eliza."
E: "Yeah, I figured."
R: "I would not think it wise to eat the snow."
K: "It wouldn't be nuclear, at least."
A: "Yeah, it's probably just powered carbon monoxide."
S: "But at least Coop finally gets his slushie!"
M: "The destruction of Jersey is a s-small price to pay for a slushie."
A: "After everything that happened to him today, you bet he deserves that!"
Lacking a cup, he simply drunk from the spout.
E: "Not like... well, anyone's around to see this."
S: "Heh, looks like Kiva likes it, as well."
A: "She just has to get a bit less tsun, eh?" She huffed. "What is it with redheads and being tsundere?"
K: "I don't recall Yoko being excessively tsun."
And so the alien delivery drivers served cleanup duty.
M: "Three months, jeez."
R: "And odds are it will all be fine, come next episode."
And with the same kid that first encountered REGIS picking up a part of him as a souvenir, the credits rolled.
"Well that doesn't bode well." Concluded Kaworu.
"Let us hope he keeps Regis out of sunlight." Thought Rei.
"So all this happened because Coop wanted a slushie?"
"Coop did c-cause it, when you think about it. Though I d-don't think hitting that cloaked ship was due t-to him wanting a slushie."
"Might've been in part." Shrugged Shinji. "Still, how could they sell it for that cheap?"
"Beat's m-me, Shinji."
"It's probably in 2000s dollars, and 2000s dollars in wherever reality this came from."
The credits panned over to the piece of REGIS, sparking and reactivating.
"So much for that." Conceded Rei. "It will take more than a dollar forty nine to fix the damage that happened today."
"Yeah, might cost two dollars!"
Soon enough, the next episode started.
~~~
Coop was occupying his time training in the junkyard.
A: "Man I wish I could train by throwing wrecked cars at shit."
R: "Yes, I am sure Ritsuko would be happy about that."
M: "I'm m-more impressed by Goat not f-flinching at all."
K: "Seems he cares more about getting a tan."
E: "Why are they complaining about temperature? That car has an air conditioner!"
A: "If Cartoon Network even remembered they had an A/C."
S: "Which was shown last episode."
R: "From what it sounds, it is broken. Which is somewhat understandable, given it had to condition the air coming from a flamethrower."
A: "I dunno, I'd probably prioritise comfort in piloting. At least once you get it to some sort of operating spec."
K: "Which it was."
It was therefore rather understandable why Coop wanted a slushie.
S: "Y'know something? I don't think I've ever had a slushie."
Asuka looked gobsmacked. "Can't you get them at any 7/11?"
M: "God k-knows that was always rather nice in the summer."
To which Shinji shrugged. "Never really thought about it, honestly."
A: "Well, we know now to get you one when summer comes round again!"
Thus Coop neglected servicing the Megas to go on a quest for a slushie.
Which, instead of going to the nearest 7/11 or whatever it would've been called in the Megas world, Coop instead opted to go to space.
R: "Perhaps 7/11 have franchises in orbit."
E: "I've always wondered how a Plymouth Barracuda handles the vacuum of space."
K: "Better than expected for a soft top coupe. Not many cars make it to orbit, oddly enough."
M: "My dad would a-always say that about one of his c-cars, that he'd send it into o-orbits."
S: "I take it wasn't a particularly good car?"
M: "Old Jeep, t-take what you will from t-that."
Uncloaked (01:35)
Coop's quest for slushie was cut short by a sudden nothing.
K: "A force field of some sort, perhaps?"
A: "Not like Kiva knows."
E: "Might be something cloaked. If the sensors can't sense anything."
S: "And they just hit it by chance?"
E: "Just because something is cloaked does not necessarily mean you can go through it. Of course, this could be a failure on the cloaked vessel's part, as well."
M: "Not h-having the ability to get out of t-the way of a wayward object?"
E: "Exactly. Though then again, we do not know if moving disrupts a cloak, as well."
R: "Depends on the universe, I am sure."
Coop went back down to Earth to get his mega slush, and Eliza's thoughts were confirmed.
A: "I wonder how you guessed that, Eliza."
E: "I did say if it bumped into something but the sensors didn't get anything, did I?"
S: "What are these aliens doing cloaked around Earth, anyway?"
A: "Maybe they're perving on all the satellite porno, depends if that MTV satellite was necessary to all that."
Their true purposes were revealed.
K: "I don't recall any black hole in the vicinity of Earth, what are they doing there with such a cargo?"
M: "You could s-still say they were perving on satellite p-porno."
R: "And look what happened. I am sure there will be plenty of questions from their contractor when they get back."
A: "If they get back to Space-DHL or whatever logistics company they work for."
The delivery bugs decided to make the most of their situation, stopping on the blue planet for refreshments.
The same exact planet the purportedly dangerous cargo was currently aerobraking into.
E: "And here we have the plot for this episode."
M: "As long as C-Coop gets his slushie, I don't t-think he'd complain too much."
Traffic Jam (03:35)
M: "This really is A-America."
A: "Why are they stuck in traffic?!"
E: "I'm sure Coop registered the Megas as a car."
R: "I have not seen any license plates on the Megas."
S: "Still, they could just... not use the motorways."
K: "Could it really be too hot to fly?"
M: "Maybe in a-an American summer, with no air c-conditioning."
Some asshole in a Hummer cut in front of Coop.
Mari snorted. "T-typical Hummer driver. Even t-talking on his damn phone."
A: "What the fuck is a Hummer?"
R: "I thought they were military vehicles. I recall Kensuke talking about them."
M: "They are; GM m-make civilian versions. I think they're u-up to the H5? H6?"
A: "Why would a civvie need a military vehicle?!"
S: "Why can I see Kensuke driving one."
There was a brief lull in the conversation, as they couldn't help but chuckle at how Coop dealt with the Hummer. "I'm surprised he didn't crush him."
R: "And he still did not notice."
K: "I can't imagine the efficiency on a Hummer being good."
M: "Honestly, t-they're just any old SUV n-nowadays. Like an Escalade or a N-Navigator."
A: "So giant gas guzzlers, like anything America apparently makes."
M: "They d-don't really guzzle gas anymore. More l-like steady sipping."
E: "I know Mama rode in a GMC something when she visited NERV-Massachusetts."
M: "Yeah, NERV-N-Nevada used the same kind of SUVs as c-company cars."
R: "I would think General Motors offered them to NERV at discount, so they could say they were helping the effort to save the world."
$1.49 (04:40)
Their attention was drawn back to the show, as Coop put his foot on the brakes.
E: "If you guys were paying attention, you'd know he was talking about the 44 ounce slushie."
A: "Oh right, the show." She blinked. "Do they really not have a dollar and 49 cents?"
S: "I don't think their winnings last episode counted for anything."
R: "Or could be converted into American dollars."
M: "44 o-ounces for $1.49?" Mari spoke in awe. "That'd be at l-least five bucks here!"
K: "Perhaps inflation does not exist in the world of Megas."
S: "How much is 44 ounces, again?"
E: "Approximately 1.25 litres."
Shinji's eyes went wide. "That's so much!"
A: "Something that'd never be sold in Japan, I'm sure."
M: "Maybe y-you guys need to go on vacation to America n-next."
The boys decided to check the seat cushions.
E: "Because seat cushions are coin magnets."
A: "You'd be surprised just how many coins I find in Misato's seats. I don't even know why she has them; there's no toll booths between our apartment and NERV anyway."
A meteor fell from the sky, as Jaime found a buck.
A: "I always found it strange how you guys have dollars as notes."
Mari shrugged. "We actually do h-have dollar coins as well as notes. No one likes them."
A: "Oh so you just use notes instead."
Mari nodded. "I t-think it's because a note feels more significant than a c-coin, makes it look like it's worth more."
Once again, they were drawn back to the show by a loud noise. "Did we miss anything?"
E: "It's just about to happen, I feel."
A small robotic eye emerged from a crater.
A: "That's the danger?"
Out of said crater soon came legs, the robot known as the REGIS MARK V making sure everyone knows its name.
S: "Yeah, I think that would be a danger."
R: "No wonder Space-DHL wanted it thrown in a black hole."
Regedit (05:30)
Everyone was soon laughing, at how utterly tiny REGIS was. "Ah, the wonder of camera angles."
S: "Does that kid know they're in danger?"
Apparently not, as REGIS once more insisted he could enslave this planet on his own, blowing up what was left of an MTV billboard as if to drive this point home.
A: "And he's still drinking his slushie."
E: "How the hell is that cool?"
K: "At the very least, it should be easy to defeat Regis."
R: "It will not be."
K: "Of course it won't."
All the while, the Megas crew continued looking for spare change.
M: "That p-puts them at $1.35."
S: "A grade schooler could add that up."
A: "You think those two paid attention in school, Shinji?"
E: "Why doesn't the Megas have a calculator? Even I can do base functions like that if required."
R: "We would usually ask for more complex equations than that."
M: "Since I'm s-sure everyone can do 2+2."
E: "Ten." She sardonically replied. "In base 4."
All the while REGIS and his appropriately pocket sized ominous choir continued flexing on the humans he was to enslave.
More specifically, flexing on a fire hydrant. "Oh no, not the poor fire hydrant! Whatever will rate payers do when they get three cents added to their next water bill?"
K: "At least the kids are having fun with this."
A van hydroplaned and spun.
Right into REGIS, sending it plowing through two vehicles.
R: "Credit where credit is due, I though that was going to knock them out."
S: "Seems they thought about that, as well."
A: "Wasn't even intentional."
M: "I'm s-sure if he manages to anger Coop, he'll figure o-out there is someone on Earth that could d-defeat him."
Slush (06:55)
Coop and company were now eagerly waiting in line for a 44 ounce slushie. "Honestly you just need one of those." Asuka thought. "Hell, that'd be enough for all six of us!"
M: "It helps s-some of us can double up on the w-whole body situation."
R: "We cannot deny the economical aspect of combining two people into one." She chuckled in amusement. "There may be a moral aspect, however."
S: "I'm sure we all couldn't get through that."
K: "You know we are Nephilim, right? We could get through at least half of that."
R: "Perhaps even three quarters if we exert ourselves."
M: "Man y-you guys don't eat much, do you?"
S: "Then again, not like we need to eat much."
A: "It's all in those genes and society, eh? Cause God knows I can eat quite a bit when I want to."
R: "Smaller bodies require less energy, who thought."
E: "No wonder Coop wants a 1.25 litre slushie so badly."
Kiva managed to determine what they hit and the cargo it carried.
A: "And with a full second before Regis attacked them!"
S: "Sounds like he's got the non fuel efficient part of the cars right."
M: "You'd g-get more mileage out of a Beetle than you would o-out of a Hummer."
R: "What would the efficiency of the Megas be?"
M: "Zero, h-highway and city."
Coop was eagerly pouring out his tri-chamber slushie, before Jaime pointed out the slightly inconvenient fact of an alien tearing up the streets.
This eagerness was cut short when the slushie machine encountered a terminal case of Volkswagen Beetle. "Welp, he's about to get mad."
E: "I don't think Regis has any idea about crowd control."
Indeed, he got mad, immediately getting in the Megas and confronting the slushie murdering machine.
As just about everyone expected, the Megas crushed REGIS underfoot.
The group laughed, especially as Coop scraped REGIS off onto a nearby building. "That's what you get for ruining his slushie!"
Problem now dealt with, they left for the nearest mega-slush machine.
K: "But of course, it was not going to be that easy."
R: "We still have over half an episode to get through after all, by my count."
This problem only got worse, as REGIS committed the federal offence of mail tampering in order to absorb resources into itself.
S: "This is why you gotta be thorough."
A: "Not like Coop knows this."
The Search for More Slush (09:55)
Ignorant to all this, Coop continued on his quest for a slushie.
M: "I only j-just noticed, the Megas has brake lights."
R: "It does drive on the road. It would have to have some things to make it street legal."
E: "I don't think that was exactly Coop's focus with the Megas."
A: "I don't see any indicators anyway. It's just all brake light."
M: "You can use r-rear brake lights as rear indicators in A-America. Makes it look cleaner, in m-my opinion."
Asuka blinked. "You can what?!"
REGIS moving to destroy yet another slushie machine distracted her from more car talk.
S: "At least they might get somewhere, this time around."
K: "Regis certainly seems cocky about this."
M: "Can a r-robot be cocky?"
E: "Depends if they're sentient, or not. Otherwise, it's all simulated."
R: "Simulated cockiness is still cockiness, at least to the uninitiated."
REGIS now taken care of, they got to the slushie.
A: "Oh wow, they actually got their slushies."
S: "And they actually had enough money for one."
M: "M-maybe they only got the 22 o-ounce version."
As soon as Coop was about to take a sip, the Megas encountered a sudden case of flying girder to the head, not only destroying the place they got their slushie from, but their slashes as well.
Everyone gave a flat look to Asuka.
A: "Sorry for jinxing it." She muttered, folding her arms.
Coop wanted to smash REGIS' head in, but Kiva dragged him out of such thinking, much like a mother would.
E: "She does have a point. It hasn't worked."
S: "Maybe if they fed the slushie to Regis, the amount of sugar will fry his systems."
M: "Or w-would convince him Earth is worth k-keeping."
K: "Or at least America."
Glancing over his various controls, Coop found this whole no smashing thing much harder than first thought.
R: "I suppose flamethrowers work."
E: "It's technically melting."
Jerkey (12:10)
Kiva went to investigate as Coop and Jaime went for another slushie.
E: "I'm sure jerkey is better than any of the food she eats in the future."
M: "Jerkey is a-actually pretty good, depending on what you get."
R: "As any food. It is all quality dependent."
A: "I doubt vending machine jerkey would be as good as homemade jerkey."
S: "Depends on the preservatives used."
The candle patched in her findings to the boys. At least she thought she was, if not for the fact they weren't in the car, instead counting pennies in the nearby convenience store.
E: "Wouldn't she know they weren't in there?"
K: "Perhaps her transmitter has a camera but not a screen. Many a film camera is like that."
A: "Her tech is a thousand years removed from our tech, though."
All this technology did nothing to alert her, as the REGIS rebuilt itself once more, ripping apart a playground in the process.
K: "Yes, there does seem to be a few holes in her technology, unfortunately."
M: "It looks l-like everyone but Earth has this sort of advanced t-technology."
S: "It'd look like that with our Earth as well."
A: "At least outside NERV."
Coop lost count of his coins (no thanks to Goat), while Kiva tried to outrun REGIS.
R: "And they still do not know about this."
K: "I'm sure they'll only find out once Regis destroys their slushies again. As that seems to be the running theme this episode."
Within about ten seconds of them finding out, they Kamehameha'd a hole straight through the renegade robot.
E: "Too easy."
K: "He somehow pronounced coup de grace worse than I expected."
This coop the gracie only ended up putting the convenience store out of its misery, sucking it into a black hole. "Oh come on!"
S: "Just imagine how Coop's feeling."
Katamari (14:15)
REGIS began absorbing yet more.
M: "Now they have a s-slight pickle on their hands."
A: "I think this slight pickle started ten minutes ago."
E: "Bit more than slight, as well."
S: "What even powers Regis, anyway?"
R: "They most likely have an ability to absorb energy from what they consume. As I doubt they would have a Solenoid."
They all blinked at the new equipment REGIS possessed.
A: "Well, they're slightly more boned now."
K: "We can say Coop sticks to his guns, at least. He knows his strengths."
R: "Fighting is just finding the correct way to smash something, anyway."
S: "Sometimes that smashing just involves a prototype proton rifle from several kilometres away."
M: "That's more p-precision smashing, at that point."
E: "Coop can learn that, at least."
His smashing done (destroying the company that made the Mega Slush in the process), attention once more turned to the slushie. "Maybe if you two didn't smash up New Jersey on a weekly basis."
K: "Recent history has taught us this will not be what destroys Regis."
A: "That WcDonalds is about to get destroyed, I'm guessing."
Supersize Me (15:40)
Asuka was unfortunately proven right, as the now thoroughly supersized REGIS made his presence known. "Well shit."
Once more pissed off, Coop went to town.
K: "This is just endurance on Regis' part, at the moment."
E: "Eventually the Megas will fall, which will leave Regis unchallenged."
S: "Unless they figure out how to defeat it."
M: "That's g-generally how these shows go, yeah."
If only to crush his hopes more, REGIS absorbed the last Mega Slush machine in the Greater New Jersey area.
A: "Probably the last anything in that area, judging by the surroundings."
Before beginning to absorb the Megas.
R: "It will be the last anything for them, as well."
And so they were sucked in, all the while REGIS continued flexing on the inferior human race.
E: "Well that was quick."
K: "Of course, that is not th-"
Preempting Kaworu, Megas broke out, this palaver only serving to anger Coop more.
M: "Anger's one t-thing; he hasn't been able to use it e-effectively."
A: "You wouldn't think that, with how he's been acting this ep."
S: "I'm not even gonna fall for this."
We Are Many (17:35)
Coop went on about if life was worth living without a Mega Slush, as REGIS went about living life.
K: "I suppose we should call them Legion, now."
R: "A rather apt name."
A: "I'm sure those two wouldn't care about such wordplay."
M: "Unless you c-connected it to a slushie, somehow."
E: "All this started from them just wanting a slushie!"
K: "Hence the title." Noting in amusement, Coop making that exact same observation.
S: "Looks like this is gonna get interesting."
A: "I wouldn't really think that, they just get up again!"
Coop kept fighting, the REGIS continuing to put up resistance.
M: "No one n-needs to tell me the temperature w-will factor in."
K: "Subtle foreshadowing is excellent like that, is it not?"
This foreshadow became a current shadow, the Megas unable to take the heat and shutting down, smoking everywhere.
A: "That's probably just the engine that Barra uses."
R: "I doubt they can do the standard procedure for when an engine overheats."
S: "What is the standard procedure?"
R: "Wait for it to cool, and check for coolant."
E: "They don't even have time."
Their luck have it, REGIS chose this time to stop working. "...Well fancy that." Kaworu chuckled. "I believe we've found their flaw."
A: "Are they solar powered? Why the hell would they be solar powered?! You could just wait until nighttime for them to stop working!"
M: "That's p-probably why it was in a sealed container."
S: "Sounds like Kiva prefers a plan that doesn't involve the night."
Coop thought of a plan.
A: "Looks like he's got a bit of a mind in there!"
Smoked (20:20)
As REGIS was wont to do, they once more taunted the Megas.
E: "Here's hoping that plan works."
R: "It did unintentionally, so it should intentionally."
Indeed it was working, Megas emitting so much greenhouse gas it blocked out the sky and most likely sent climate conservation efforts back by a decade.
M: "Seems like C-Coop's learning you sometimes have to take an o-objective view to fighting."
A: "Yeah, even I know you can't just rip and tear. Even though I am pretty good at it."
S: "But you still have a good mind for planning and strategy."
K: "As tends to happen, when piloting giant mecha."
And so the REGIS ran out of power, collapsing into nothing as Megas surveyed this empire of dirt.
M: "We d-did it, Coop! We saved New J-Jersey!"
E: "Of course, according to you this is just New Jersey normally."
A: "Might have to take that with a grain of salt, Eliza."
E: "Yeah, I figured."
R: "I would not think it wise to eat the snow."
K: "It wouldn't be nuclear, at least."
A: "Yeah, it's probably just powered carbon monoxide."
S: "But at least Coop finally gets his slushie!"
M: "The destruction of Jersey is a s-small price to pay for a slushie."
A: "After everything that happened to him today, you bet he deserves that!"
Lacking a cup, he simply drunk from the spout.
E: "Not like... well, anyone's around to see this."
S: "Heh, looks like Kiva likes it, as well."
A: "She just has to get a bit less tsun, eh?" She huffed. "What is it with redheads and being tsundere?"
K: "I don't recall Yoko being excessively tsun."
And so the alien delivery drivers served cleanup duty.
M: "Three months, jeez."
R: "And odds are it will all be fine, come next episode."
And with the same kid that first encountered REGIS picking up a part of him as a souvenir, the credits rolled.
"Well that doesn't bode well." Concluded Kaworu.
"Let us hope he keeps Regis out of sunlight." Thought Rei.
"So all this happened because Coop wanted a slushie?"
"Coop did c-cause it, when you think about it. Though I d-don't think hitting that cloaked ship was due t-to him wanting a slushie."
"Might've been in part." Shrugged Shinji. "Still, how could they sell it for that cheap?"
"Beat's m-me, Shinji."
"It's probably in 2000s dollars, and 2000s dollars in wherever reality this came from."
The credits panned over to the piece of REGIS, sparking and reactivating.
"So much for that." Conceded Rei. "It will take more than a dollar forty nine to fix the damage that happened today."
"Yeah, might cost two dollars!"
Soon enough, the next episode started.
~~~
De Brie (00:00)
The episode began with the Megas stacking it. "Well that's a g-good start."
A: "I never really got those sorts of clothes lines." Mused Asuka.
R: "When you are lacking space, it may be an adequate solution."
S: "You'd hope those pegs didn't break."
E: "And no one in New Jersey gives a shit about this."
M: "That's just N-New Jersey."
They saw just what they were facing.
K: "Ah, it's the cheese Angel."
Snickering all around. "It does kinda look like cheese, doesn't it?"
They flashed back to last Thursday A.D.
A: "Though speaking of cheese, how the hell can you guys eat that fake stuff?"
Mari shrugged. "It's c-cheap? I always p-preferred the real s-stuff myself."
R: "I doubt you can fit cheese in a can without excessively modifying it some, anyway."
M: "Fun f-fact for you, most cheeses they sell in American c-can't even legally be called c-cheese. Cheese product, they c-call it."
They witnessed just what they did with this cheese product, shoving it in a hole it didn't exactly belong.
K: "...Wait, it's actually a cheese Angel?"
R: "Perhaps it was all those preservatives in the cheese product that resulted in its mutation." She mused.
E: "Or maybe they shouldn't have shoved it in the whatever babble they called it machine."
S: "I guess they had to find out somehow."
A: "Ritsuko would smash our heads together if we even thought above spraying canned cheese into the Evangelion."
E: "Her first reaction would be to facepalm like Kiva, though."
At the very least, it was easy enough for the Megas to destroy the cheese Angel, covering the entire city of New Jersey in processed cheese product.
R: "I suppose this will make New Jersey better, Mari?"
M: "You know h-how bad cheese stinks if it's left to r-rot, right?"
A: "Finally, something happened that made New Jersey worse!"
S: "How do you even clean cheese out of a giant robot like that?"
K: "You would need more than a few people and a few pennies, that's for sure."
The opening titles started to roll.
E: "And I'm assuming, based solely on the fact Coop said verbatim 'Everything's back to normal', that this will be an issue this episode."
A: "You were an Evangelion, Eliza. What'd you think would happen if we bathed an Evangelion in cheese product?"
E: "A lot of things would break, for one."
M: "But it l-looks like this car show will take p-priority."
R: "Do you think he entered the Megas as a Plymouth Barracuda?"
S: "He still treats the Megas as a car instead of a mecha."
K: "Seems everyone else in New Jersey does, as well."
Extensive Modification (02:30)
E: "I guess that title would describe Coop."
A: "This is like if we tried to put the Evangelion in a car show."
K: "At least Coop could get away with it. The Megas is just an extensively modified Plymouth Barracuda."
S: "Maybe we should replace the heads of the Evangelion with cars, then we can get away with it as well."
R: "The cockpit is not even in the head of the Evangelion."
M: "Either way, it w-worked." She blinked. "Hey, if y-you guys could, what cars would you put on y-your Evangelion?"
A: "I'd paint an Audi TT red and use that."
S: "Can't go wrong with a Nissan Skyline."
R: "I would modify a minivan and use that."
K: "It'd make it look unique in comparison to the other vehicles used, at least."
M: "Man if t-that's the future she's from, it s-sounds rather boring."
E: "Then again, they are trying to survive."
A: "You shouldn't let that stop you having fun, though."
R: "I am sure the rationing of petrol would factor in."
M: "If t-they even use gas powered c-cars in their future."
Though speaking of modifications, Goat rocked up in a car that looked like a combination of several other cars. "I suppose he does run a junkyard."
E: "Surely that wouldn't win against the Megas."
K: "He's certainly confident."
Cars and Coffee (03:30)
And so they entered the convention centre. "That's a lot of cars." Shinji mused.
A: "Never been to one, I take?"
R: "Has anyone here?"
E: "Might need to add that to the endless todo list."
M: "They're looking p-pretty fine, ain't they?"
K: "I take it those at Cartoon Network are into cars."
A: "I think car enthusiasm runs with a mecha show. Hell, you could say that for our world as well, just look at Misato's EV Alpine or Kaji's Australian import."
M: "They m-make cars in Australia?"
R: "They are not that bad off, according to Kaji. He and Misato would know more about the situation."
A: "Of course, just about any car is gonna be outclassed by the Megas and the nine separate engines it has."
K: "Only one of which is a conventional car engine, I would think."
E: "I still can't believe they managed to get this in there."
S: "The wonders of loopholes."
R: "Then again, their world seems to run on a different... logic to our own. Similar to Gurren Lagaan."
M: "Meaning none of t-this is likely to exist here."
A: "We could try implementing it; we did it for the NACSS."
K: "If Ritsuko doesn't instantly shoot it down. It has to at least seem like a better solution; bolting a car on top of the Evangelion and calling it a cockpit does not seem like a better solution, unlike the comparison between the Old-Type Evangelion and the NACSS. Or even the New-Type and the NACSS, no offence intended."
E: "None taken; it's another option for piloting if you can't find the right pairing at least."
M: "Damn those are s-some nice looking cars." As Coop scoped the competition.
R: "Usefulness is not a key factor in this competition, I take."
A: "A pickup still has its uses, at least. Might not be as good as a modern one or a less tricked out one but you can still haul stuff. A lowrider, though."
Challenge (04:55)
S: "It might just be me, but I think he has more than a fancy paint job."
A: "Could be the giant fucking robot attached to it!"
E: "Does no one understand that's a giant robot instead of a Barracuda?"
K: "Must be a Jersey thing." Kaworu preempted Mari.
To her amusement.
R: "How would a giant robot go in a drag race, I wonder."
A: "It'd be a hundred metre sprint for the damn thing."
K: "Either way, it appears to be less of a drag race and more of a general purpose showing off."
The first criteria was flaming exhaust, which Coop excelled in.
M: "And still n-no one gives a damn about the destruction."
R: "It is amusing, at least."
Next was speakers, which strangely enough the lowrider won.
A: "How does that even make sense?"
S: "Does quality over quantity work for sound systems?"
Rei and Kaworu shrugged. "We just pile speakers around the place until it sounds good."
Up next: vertical bounce.
S: "Well of course the Megas would win that."
E: "He could've jumped into orbit if Coop wanted to."
K: "I don't think their ruler goes that high."
Truck pull was up next.
The results of which caused the group to burst out laughing. "And here we see when too much power is a bad thing."
M: "That seemed like a f-frankly shitty way to attach a t-tow rope, anyway."
S: "That doesn't explain why it exploded!"
Transform was the next challenge.
K: "Megas should have that one, at least."
A: "I can't believe how close this is, they're like even! The Megas should be blowing that lowrider out of the water!"
R: "Perhaps Coop should have focused on a few issues with the Megas."
Malfunction (06:30)
The controls started smoking.
E: "Like that issue?"
R: "It was not the issue I was thinking of, but yes that would be an issue that needs sorting. Preferably imminently."
Coop's version of sorting the problem was just to bash on the controls. Which didn't resolve the issue with Megas as it started rampaging, go figure.
M: "I'd w-watch that for twelve bucks."
S: "I suppose that's another reason we have remote shutdowns in the Evangelion."
A: "How does a giant robot like this go berserk, anyway? It all looks rather centralised to the pilot, anyway."
K: "Maybe the cleaners weren't thorough when they removed the cheese from the Megas."
E: "There was an internal component covered in cheese, before the opening titles rolled. Perhaps that is what's causing this issue."
Coop continued attempting to shut down the Megas, as Kiva started taking matters into her own hands.
R: "I suppose this would be more entertaining than a standard car show."
The Megas eventually broke through the convention centre, as Goat attempted to pick up a lady.
A: "I'm sure she would've responded like that without the Megas, anyway."
Upon Kiva's input, Coop removed the CPU, shutting down the Megas.
K: "I would recommend an easier shut off mechanism for the CPU, instead of punching through a screen."
S: "A part of me thinks that wasn't even considered."
A: "And Coop put a lot of thought into the Megas to begin with, eh?"
Being the upstanding citizen he was, Coop apologised for the rampage.
To which they started cheering. "Man is it really that boring in New Jersey, Mari?"
M: "Yep."
'The worst is over' (08:30)
The show cut to the Glorft, upon Kiva's words.
K: "And this is why you don't say those words."
A: "Even in our world I don't say shit like that, cause apparently God finds it funny to subvert my expectations or something stupid like that."
R: "It is also common sense, to be on your guard until you know the worst is over."
As everyone expected, Warmaster Gorrath expressed his intentions to take back the prototype.
E: "It would be a good time to. Megas is out of commission until they can figure out why it malfunctioned as it did. And I doubt they have spare CPUs to swap into."
M: "They c-could always just shove a P-Pentium in there."
E: "And I bet that'd work, as well." She muttered. "With the logic this show has."
S: "I like how we're adapting to how this show works."
And so Warmaster Gorrath's vessel emerged from the Rift, earthbound.
K: "And all because of some cheese product."
A: "Note to self, don't spray canned cheese product on your Evangelion."
R: "I doubt you could find a can large enough for such thing."
S: "It is America, after all."
A barked laugh from Mari. "We're not t-that excess, Shinji."
Cheesed (09:45)
Eliza shuddered. "Now that doesn't sound too pleasant."
A: "It's only getting cheese in your brain. Can't see how that can affect things!"
S: "I'm still wondering how the cheese got there in the first place."
R: "Hopefully this will be a lesson to Coop, not to shove canned cheese product in places where it shouldn't go."
M: "The f-fact he has to learn that."
Goat tried coming on to Kiva. "You could at least use her name if you're trying to get in her pants!"
R: "Not that she is wearing any."
M: "Which is a g-good point, is she gonna w-wear anything else other than t-that plug suit?"
E: "Will Coop wear anything else other than flannel? Will Jaime wear anything other than his jacket?"
K: "Having a single uniform for them would reduce costs on Cartoon Network, I would think."
A: "Oh so it's all budget measures. Even our show wasn't cheap enough to have us in one set of clothes!"
R: "It was more three sets of clothes. And I am sure if they wanted to save yet more, they could just not bother drawing clothes at all."
A: "Which they also did." She muttered. "At least Cartoon Network has kept the fanservice to a minimum."
M: "People in A-America would be furious if they saw that."
K: "They sound like prudes."
A loud noise thrust them out of the conversation.
S: "And here come the Glorft."
E: "At least the CPU is serviceable."
R: "Which they also need, by the sounds of it."
A: "So are they just gonna stand around there contemplating their navels? Or are they gonna do something!"
All except Coop decided to run.
K: "Ah yes, use the pilot of the Megas as bait."
R: "Perhaps this is all a plan to pilot the Megas again, on Kiva's part."
He was about to get blasted by the Glorft, if not for the Warmaster preventing this.
M: "At least h-he understands a ventilated CPU is pretty u-useless."
Viper (11:40)
A: "This is probably the first amount of exercise he's ever gotten."
S: "Here's hoping his heart doesn't give out."
Kiva had procured a vehicle.
M: "Is t-that a Dodge Viper?"
R: "Methinks the creators of this show had a thing for Chrysler."
A: "Is a Viper just their version of the Corvette?"
M: "M-More or less."
E: "Amazing he even fits."
K: "Not through the window, though then again I don't think they had the time to open up the door."
S: "Wouldn't it take seconds to do?"
R: "Seconds spent not running from the Glorft."
A: "What can a Viper do against several giant robots?"
M: "With the l-light shown on Chrysler cars in t-this show, they'll probably make it t-transform in some way."
E: "Isn't this just the second Chrysler vehicle shown? Unless that lowrider was also one."
K: "Maybe so, but consider they showed a Hummer in a negative light. A General Motors vehicle."
M: "Then again, it's p-pretty difficult to show a Hummer in anything but a n-negative light."
R: "Someone has to keep buying them, if they are up to the fifth or sixth iteration."
Kiva continued her drive, pulling Coop in.
A: "Y'know, she isn't that bad at driving."
E: "She says after she collides through a fence."
K: "Kiva does have experience in piloting."
S: "Didn't Misato say piloting an Evangelion doesn't necessarily translate into driving experience?"
A: "Misato can barely drive as is!"
Coop played a game of hot potato with Jaime, currently driving a scooter.
R: "I wonder how a Vespa will offer better protection than a Viper."
M: "It w-wouldn't even be faster, would it?"
A: "But at least he's wearing a helmet, that's already better than I did!"
Good for Jaime, Goat offered his Frankenstein's monster. And soon enough, the CPU found its way back to the Viper.
E: "So what was all that for?"
Her answer was given in the form of several Glorft exploding.
S: "A distraction."
Keepaway (12:55)
This resulted in Gorrath getting angry.
K: "I don't think such games will work, anymore."
A: "At least Goat can fix his monstrosity easily enough."
The Viper was still going, however.
S: "They have to get to the Megas somehow."
M: "They're g-gonna need a bit of height, I'd think."
E: "You think they're gonna jump onto it with their Viper?"
R: "As Shinji said."
The Glorft fired everything at the Viper.
K: "There's goes New Jersey, again."
And so they jumped.
And landed on the Megas.
E: "Well call me a Famicom."
The Viper wasn't so lucky, landing on an MTV van.
Much to Mari's chagrin. "Aww t-that was a good car!"
R: "I am sure Goat could restore it."
In his celebration, Coop threw the CPU onto the ground.
Flat looks from everyone. "Good fucking job."
R: "I do not think Goat could restore that, however."
S: "Now what are they gonna do?"
K: "They better hope she can restore the CPU to operating spec."
E: "It looked pretty destroyed, but I suppose she of all people could do that."
A: "Goat certainly thinks that." She muttered.
M: "She d-does, as well. Though time is the o-one thing they don't have."
R: "It depends how long Gorrath wishes to monologue for."
Dance Monkey (14:45)
Coop switched the Megas to manual mode.
Revealing a DDR pad.
A: "Oh God."
R: "The concept of a manual mode is sound." Rei thought. "I am not sure about the execution of such a thing, however."
M: "I'm m-more surprised he even installed a manual backup."
The flashback revealed why he installed a manual backup.
E: "Oh that's why."
S: "Might just be me, but I don't think Kiva would be interested in that."
K: "It gives her time, at least. Though now it's the question on how long he can keep up."
E: "Even in that flashback he was sweating profusely. And with all that weight to carry, as well."
A: "He doesn't even have weapons?"
R: "Coop is like a metronome of forethought and clever thinking, and shortsighted and frankly bad thinking."
K: "How fitting for this show."
The DanceStation started up, the in game character speaking some broken Japanese.
R: "So this is how English speakers feel like when they hear broken English in anime."
A: "It's always rather hair pulling when you hear your mother tongue butchered, eh? I'm certainly used to that."
As one, Coop and the Megas began to dance, the avatar complementing him in a language he probably didn't understand.
E: "This system is rather remarkably similar to the Jäger, in a few ways."
K: "Even compared to the Jäger, this is much less intrusive. All you need is a pad and some gloves."
A: "And probably incredible fitness, as well."
R: "The issue with implementing such a system into the Evangelion is the same as implementing the system of the Jäger. There is simply not enough space in an entry plug to have such free movement."
M: "I could b-barely stand in the entry plug without b-banging my head."
R: "Indeed. With the Jäger and the Megas, they have plenty of space for such movement."
Coop started getting tired, the Megas soon falling silent.
R: "Of course, all that space is not going to matter if the pilot gets exhausted doing it."
S: "I guess that's another flaw with this kind of system? At least in a pilot's chair, it's not exactly exhausting physically."
A: "Not to that extent, at least."
Cavalry (16:30)
Out of the blue, a lawyer friendly version of the finale of William Tell Overture began playing.
K: "I'm sure Rossini wouldn't mind if you played the actual version."
A: "Does classical music like that even have copyright?"
R: "Appears Cartoon Network did not want to take that risk."
On the back of said classical music, came the winged hussars that were New Jersey car enthusiasts.
S: "Only Coop can destroy New Jersey, it seems."
M: "That does f-fit them, at least. If it's one of t-their own they're good with it."
E: "Unless some of their modifications were to mount weapons on their vehicles, I doubt they can do much."
K: "They can always do what Coop and company did originally. Distract them."
In an instant, most of them were out of commission.
K: "...Well at the very least, it sounds like they're inspiring Coop."
A: "Oh the magic of friendship helps him pull though."
Jaime eventually found his way into the cockpit of Megas.
M: "Is it just me, or d-does this all seem a bit... jumpy?"
R: "It does seem like a few frames here and there fell out of the disc."
S: "Maybe they were making this on a shoestring budget."
E: "At least they aren't resorting to keeping it on a single frame for a minute."
A: "Can that CPU really only do 7.2 million instructions per second?"
E: "She specified offensive and defensive manoeuvres, which I would assume were several distinct instructions each. So it's probably much faster than 7.2 MIPS, otherwise a Pentium would be faster than that."
M: "It'd p-probably still be faster than Coop c-could do it in."
Either way, all that was enough for Coop to get a second wind in, decimating the Glorft as Kiva continued working her magic.
Bridge (18:00)
Lacking a bridge to the CPU, Kiva elected to use Jaime as a conductor.
E: "That doesn't seem efficient."
A: "That doesn't seem safe!"
R: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
Amazingly enough, it worked, the CPU firing to life.
S: "Of course, it's only online as long as Jaime keeps holding it."
K: "Electricity contracts muscles, meaning his hands will keep holding onto it."
A: "That's not a good thing!"
And right before a Glorft could destroy the lowrider, Megas intercepted it.
M: "Either way, this is g-gonna be good."
And threw it like a hammer into several other Glorft, blowing up in reply.
R: "A bit shorter than I expected, but still a good fight all in all."
E: "There's still time in this episode."
Time enough for Coop to give another one of his patented monologues. "He's getting good at the whole inspirational speech, ain't he?"
R: "Jaime seems more impressed he ran half a block."
Coop hit the nitrous, because of course he put nitrous in the Megas.
M: "Damn, maybe we s-should put nitrous in an Evangelion."
Chuckling all around. "He is like a light cycle." Rei pointed out.
S: "We could've certainly used that kind of speed."
Seeing the writing on the wall, all the Glorft except the Warmaster and the Commander got the hell out of there.
Much to everyone's laughter. "Yeah he would be angry about that."
E: "They don't have arms, I'd suggest they flee as well."
K: "I wouldn't think Gorrath would be one to flee."
Chicken (19:40)
Slapping his Commander down, and after exchanging a few more words, Coop and Gorrath began to play the time honoured game of Chicken.
A: "Christ they really are a bunch of boys."
E: "He shouldn't be playing this Earther game if he knows what's good for him."
K: "Maybe so, but he is prideful. As the previous episodes have shown."
R: "He sees Coop piloting the Megas as a personal slight against him. I do not think he would ever think straight when facing the Megas."
M: "So t-that Commander had the right idea then, when ordering the r-retreat."
S: "At least we think he ordered the retreat."
A: "Gorrath seemed to think so."
Jaime was the one to chicken out, steering out of Gorrath's way.
K: "I'd like to think Coop had a plan instead of mutually assured destruction."
Whatever his plan was, it ultimately did not matter, as Warmaster Gorrath was currently on a collision course to the Jersey City Gunpowder, Shrapnel and Ball Bearing Factory.
E: "Why does that factory exist?!"
A: "Maybe they make bombs there."
S: "Can't deny they're certainly a diverse company."
As expected, crashing into said factory resulted in the levelling of a block.
M: "Oh but h-he's fine, at least."
R: "You cannot have an overarching villain if they die in the first few episodes."
Regular Cars (20:40)
They were now back to the rather destroyed convention centre.
A: "Might wanna pour one out for all those destroyed cars, eh?"
K: "Perhaps they will do such a thing."
To the surprise of just about everyone, Kiva won the prize.
E: "She didn't even enter a car, did she?"
M: "It doesn't s-sound joint with Coop, as well."
The lowrider driver explained the reasons for the vote.
R: "That seems reasonable, at least. She saved them, so she gets the prize."
A: "I'm sure that'll do wonders for her ego."
K: "With such an explanation, it does indeed sound well deserved."
M: "Good for h-her, then."
The lowrider driver asked to finish the competition.
A: "Oh right, they're missing the Jaime fuse."
S: "So what's the bet Coop will mess something up as Kiva's giving her speech?"
R: "A fool's bet, perhaps."
Coop crossed the wires, and only managed to make another hole in the convention centre.
E: "...Well, that wasn't so ba-"
The convention centre collapsed.
E: "Oh never mind!"
And then exploded, the people fleeing.
K: "This is why we don't say words like that."
E: "Because the Gods think it's funny, yeah I know."
A: "But at least they're getting some popcorn chicken."
~
The credits left off with a montage of the Megas crew playing some DDR.
"At the very least, New Jersey will be all better by the next episode."
"It's one of t-those shows, eh?" Mari thought. "Like Simpsons: it a-all goes back to the status quo in the e-end."
"If you could call this status quo." Flatly thought Eliza. "I can't imagine there being too many more episodes on this disc."
"We might get one more, Eliza."
The DVD went back to the crude menu at the end of the credits.
To a flat look on Asuka's face. "Or not."
"I'm kinda liking it so far." Shinji put in his two cents. "Pretty crazy, yeah, but it's pretty fun regardless."
Nodding all around. "Can't deny it's interesting, seeing a western spin on this genre."
"That is not serious, as Pacific Rim was."
"Good to h-hear Cartoon Network has the approval from where the mecha c-came from."
"The western sort of mecha we've seen so far has been pretty good, actually." Asuka remarked. "Pacific Rim Uprising was a bit... ehhhh, but I'm pretty sure we put that down to several factors, eh Rei?"
"Different directors and an entirely different studio creating said sequel, implying a particularly rocky production."
"Hence why Universal wanted to play it safe. We assume, of course." With a small chuckle. "Certainly can't say that of Cartoon Network's interpretation of the genre."
"I think that's why I have a liking for it." Realised Shinji. "It just doesn't take itself seriously. Even Gurren Lagaan had a bit of seriousness to it, this just doesn't give any sort of damn."
"Nice change from just about everything else we've seen, eh Shin-chan?" Beamed Asuka. "Mindless and cathartic, what's not to like?"
"At least it gives us something to fill out the rest of our vacation with."
"Eh, I'm sure we would've found things to do anyway, Eliza."
~~~
The episode began with the Megas stacking it. "Well that's a g-good start."
A: "I never really got those sorts of clothes lines." Mused Asuka.
R: "When you are lacking space, it may be an adequate solution."
S: "You'd hope those pegs didn't break."
E: "And no one in New Jersey gives a shit about this."
M: "That's just N-New Jersey."
They saw just what they were facing.
K: "Ah, it's the cheese Angel."
Snickering all around. "It does kinda look like cheese, doesn't it?"
They flashed back to last Thursday A.D.
A: "Though speaking of cheese, how the hell can you guys eat that fake stuff?"
Mari shrugged. "It's c-cheap? I always p-preferred the real s-stuff myself."
R: "I doubt you can fit cheese in a can without excessively modifying it some, anyway."
M: "Fun f-fact for you, most cheeses they sell in American c-can't even legally be called c-cheese. Cheese product, they c-call it."
They witnessed just what they did with this cheese product, shoving it in a hole it didn't exactly belong.
K: "...Wait, it's actually a cheese Angel?"
R: "Perhaps it was all those preservatives in the cheese product that resulted in its mutation." She mused.
E: "Or maybe they shouldn't have shoved it in the whatever babble they called it machine."
S: "I guess they had to find out somehow."
A: "Ritsuko would smash our heads together if we even thought above spraying canned cheese into the Evangelion."
E: "Her first reaction would be to facepalm like Kiva, though."
At the very least, it was easy enough for the Megas to destroy the cheese Angel, covering the entire city of New Jersey in processed cheese product.
R: "I suppose this will make New Jersey better, Mari?"
M: "You know h-how bad cheese stinks if it's left to r-rot, right?"
A: "Finally, something happened that made New Jersey worse!"
S: "How do you even clean cheese out of a giant robot like that?"
K: "You would need more than a few people and a few pennies, that's for sure."
The opening titles started to roll.
E: "And I'm assuming, based solely on the fact Coop said verbatim 'Everything's back to normal', that this will be an issue this episode."
A: "You were an Evangelion, Eliza. What'd you think would happen if we bathed an Evangelion in cheese product?"
E: "A lot of things would break, for one."
M: "But it l-looks like this car show will take p-priority."
R: "Do you think he entered the Megas as a Plymouth Barracuda?"
S: "He still treats the Megas as a car instead of a mecha."
K: "Seems everyone else in New Jersey does, as well."
Extensive Modification (02:30)
E: "I guess that title would describe Coop."
A: "This is like if we tried to put the Evangelion in a car show."
K: "At least Coop could get away with it. The Megas is just an extensively modified Plymouth Barracuda."
S: "Maybe we should replace the heads of the Evangelion with cars, then we can get away with it as well."
R: "The cockpit is not even in the head of the Evangelion."
M: "Either way, it w-worked." She blinked. "Hey, if y-you guys could, what cars would you put on y-your Evangelion?"
A: "I'd paint an Audi TT red and use that."
S: "Can't go wrong with a Nissan Skyline."
R: "I would modify a minivan and use that."
K: "It'd make it look unique in comparison to the other vehicles used, at least."
M: "Man if t-that's the future she's from, it s-sounds rather boring."
E: "Then again, they are trying to survive."
A: "You shouldn't let that stop you having fun, though."
R: "I am sure the rationing of petrol would factor in."
M: "If t-they even use gas powered c-cars in their future."
Though speaking of modifications, Goat rocked up in a car that looked like a combination of several other cars. "I suppose he does run a junkyard."
E: "Surely that wouldn't win against the Megas."
K: "He's certainly confident."
Cars and Coffee (03:30)
And so they entered the convention centre. "That's a lot of cars." Shinji mused.
A: "Never been to one, I take?"
R: "Has anyone here?"
E: "Might need to add that to the endless todo list."
M: "They're looking p-pretty fine, ain't they?"
K: "I take it those at Cartoon Network are into cars."
A: "I think car enthusiasm runs with a mecha show. Hell, you could say that for our world as well, just look at Misato's EV Alpine or Kaji's Australian import."
M: "They m-make cars in Australia?"
R: "They are not that bad off, according to Kaji. He and Misato would know more about the situation."
A: "Of course, just about any car is gonna be outclassed by the Megas and the nine separate engines it has."
K: "Only one of which is a conventional car engine, I would think."
E: "I still can't believe they managed to get this in there."
S: "The wonders of loopholes."
R: "Then again, their world seems to run on a different... logic to our own. Similar to Gurren Lagaan."
M: "Meaning none of t-this is likely to exist here."
A: "We could try implementing it; we did it for the NACSS."
K: "If Ritsuko doesn't instantly shoot it down. It has to at least seem like a better solution; bolting a car on top of the Evangelion and calling it a cockpit does not seem like a better solution, unlike the comparison between the Old-Type Evangelion and the NACSS. Or even the New-Type and the NACSS, no offence intended."
E: "None taken; it's another option for piloting if you can't find the right pairing at least."
M: "Damn those are s-some nice looking cars." As Coop scoped the competition.
R: "Usefulness is not a key factor in this competition, I take."
A: "A pickup still has its uses, at least. Might not be as good as a modern one or a less tricked out one but you can still haul stuff. A lowrider, though."
Challenge (04:55)
S: "It might just be me, but I think he has more than a fancy paint job."
A: "Could be the giant fucking robot attached to it!"
E: "Does no one understand that's a giant robot instead of a Barracuda?"
K: "Must be a Jersey thing." Kaworu preempted Mari.
To her amusement.
R: "How would a giant robot go in a drag race, I wonder."
A: "It'd be a hundred metre sprint for the damn thing."
K: "Either way, it appears to be less of a drag race and more of a general purpose showing off."
The first criteria was flaming exhaust, which Coop excelled in.
M: "And still n-no one gives a damn about the destruction."
R: "It is amusing, at least."
Next was speakers, which strangely enough the lowrider won.
A: "How does that even make sense?"
S: "Does quality over quantity work for sound systems?"
Rei and Kaworu shrugged. "We just pile speakers around the place until it sounds good."
Up next: vertical bounce.
S: "Well of course the Megas would win that."
E: "He could've jumped into orbit if Coop wanted to."
K: "I don't think their ruler goes that high."
Truck pull was up next.
The results of which caused the group to burst out laughing. "And here we see when too much power is a bad thing."
M: "That seemed like a f-frankly shitty way to attach a t-tow rope, anyway."
S: "That doesn't explain why it exploded!"
Transform was the next challenge.
K: "Megas should have that one, at least."
A: "I can't believe how close this is, they're like even! The Megas should be blowing that lowrider out of the water!"
R: "Perhaps Coop should have focused on a few issues with the Megas."
Malfunction (06:30)
The controls started smoking.
E: "Like that issue?"
R: "It was not the issue I was thinking of, but yes that would be an issue that needs sorting. Preferably imminently."
Coop's version of sorting the problem was just to bash on the controls. Which didn't resolve the issue with Megas as it started rampaging, go figure.
M: "I'd w-watch that for twelve bucks."
S: "I suppose that's another reason we have remote shutdowns in the Evangelion."
A: "How does a giant robot like this go berserk, anyway? It all looks rather centralised to the pilot, anyway."
K: "Maybe the cleaners weren't thorough when they removed the cheese from the Megas."
E: "There was an internal component covered in cheese, before the opening titles rolled. Perhaps that is what's causing this issue."
Coop continued attempting to shut down the Megas, as Kiva started taking matters into her own hands.
R: "I suppose this would be more entertaining than a standard car show."
The Megas eventually broke through the convention centre, as Goat attempted to pick up a lady.
A: "I'm sure she would've responded like that without the Megas, anyway."
Upon Kiva's input, Coop removed the CPU, shutting down the Megas.
K: "I would recommend an easier shut off mechanism for the CPU, instead of punching through a screen."
S: "A part of me thinks that wasn't even considered."
A: "And Coop put a lot of thought into the Megas to begin with, eh?"
Being the upstanding citizen he was, Coop apologised for the rampage.
To which they started cheering. "Man is it really that boring in New Jersey, Mari?"
M: "Yep."
'The worst is over' (08:30)
The show cut to the Glorft, upon Kiva's words.
K: "And this is why you don't say those words."
A: "Even in our world I don't say shit like that, cause apparently God finds it funny to subvert my expectations or something stupid like that."
R: "It is also common sense, to be on your guard until you know the worst is over."
As everyone expected, Warmaster Gorrath expressed his intentions to take back the prototype.
E: "It would be a good time to. Megas is out of commission until they can figure out why it malfunctioned as it did. And I doubt they have spare CPUs to swap into."
M: "They c-could always just shove a P-Pentium in there."
E: "And I bet that'd work, as well." She muttered. "With the logic this show has."
S: "I like how we're adapting to how this show works."
And so Warmaster Gorrath's vessel emerged from the Rift, earthbound.
K: "And all because of some cheese product."
A: "Note to self, don't spray canned cheese product on your Evangelion."
R: "I doubt you could find a can large enough for such thing."
S: "It is America, after all."
A barked laugh from Mari. "We're not t-that excess, Shinji."
Cheesed (09:45)
Eliza shuddered. "Now that doesn't sound too pleasant."
A: "It's only getting cheese in your brain. Can't see how that can affect things!"
S: "I'm still wondering how the cheese got there in the first place."
R: "Hopefully this will be a lesson to Coop, not to shove canned cheese product in places where it shouldn't go."
M: "The f-fact he has to learn that."
Goat tried coming on to Kiva. "You could at least use her name if you're trying to get in her pants!"
R: "Not that she is wearing any."
M: "Which is a g-good point, is she gonna w-wear anything else other than t-that plug suit?"
E: "Will Coop wear anything else other than flannel? Will Jaime wear anything other than his jacket?"
K: "Having a single uniform for them would reduce costs on Cartoon Network, I would think."
A: "Oh so it's all budget measures. Even our show wasn't cheap enough to have us in one set of clothes!"
R: "It was more three sets of clothes. And I am sure if they wanted to save yet more, they could just not bother drawing clothes at all."
A: "Which they also did." She muttered. "At least Cartoon Network has kept the fanservice to a minimum."
M: "People in A-America would be furious if they saw that."
K: "They sound like prudes."
A loud noise thrust them out of the conversation.
S: "And here come the Glorft."
E: "At least the CPU is serviceable."
R: "Which they also need, by the sounds of it."
A: "So are they just gonna stand around there contemplating their navels? Or are they gonna do something!"
All except Coop decided to run.
K: "Ah yes, use the pilot of the Megas as bait."
R: "Perhaps this is all a plan to pilot the Megas again, on Kiva's part."
He was about to get blasted by the Glorft, if not for the Warmaster preventing this.
M: "At least h-he understands a ventilated CPU is pretty u-useless."
Viper (11:40)
A: "This is probably the first amount of exercise he's ever gotten."
S: "Here's hoping his heart doesn't give out."
Kiva had procured a vehicle.
M: "Is t-that a Dodge Viper?"
R: "Methinks the creators of this show had a thing for Chrysler."
A: "Is a Viper just their version of the Corvette?"
M: "M-More or less."
E: "Amazing he even fits."
K: "Not through the window, though then again I don't think they had the time to open up the door."
S: "Wouldn't it take seconds to do?"
R: "Seconds spent not running from the Glorft."
A: "What can a Viper do against several giant robots?"
M: "With the l-light shown on Chrysler cars in t-this show, they'll probably make it t-transform in some way."
E: "Isn't this just the second Chrysler vehicle shown? Unless that lowrider was also one."
K: "Maybe so, but consider they showed a Hummer in a negative light. A General Motors vehicle."
M: "Then again, it's p-pretty difficult to show a Hummer in anything but a n-negative light."
R: "Someone has to keep buying them, if they are up to the fifth or sixth iteration."
Kiva continued her drive, pulling Coop in.
A: "Y'know, she isn't that bad at driving."
E: "She says after she collides through a fence."
K: "Kiva does have experience in piloting."
S: "Didn't Misato say piloting an Evangelion doesn't necessarily translate into driving experience?"
A: "Misato can barely drive as is!"
Coop played a game of hot potato with Jaime, currently driving a scooter.
R: "I wonder how a Vespa will offer better protection than a Viper."
M: "It w-wouldn't even be faster, would it?"
A: "But at least he's wearing a helmet, that's already better than I did!"
Good for Jaime, Goat offered his Frankenstein's monster. And soon enough, the CPU found its way back to the Viper.
E: "So what was all that for?"
Her answer was given in the form of several Glorft exploding.
S: "A distraction."
Keepaway (12:55)
This resulted in Gorrath getting angry.
K: "I don't think such games will work, anymore."
A: "At least Goat can fix his monstrosity easily enough."
The Viper was still going, however.
S: "They have to get to the Megas somehow."
M: "They're g-gonna need a bit of height, I'd think."
E: "You think they're gonna jump onto it with their Viper?"
R: "As Shinji said."
The Glorft fired everything at the Viper.
K: "There's goes New Jersey, again."
And so they jumped.
And landed on the Megas.
E: "Well call me a Famicom."
The Viper wasn't so lucky, landing on an MTV van.
Much to Mari's chagrin. "Aww t-that was a good car!"
R: "I am sure Goat could restore it."
In his celebration, Coop threw the CPU onto the ground.
Flat looks from everyone. "Good fucking job."
R: "I do not think Goat could restore that, however."
S: "Now what are they gonna do?"
K: "They better hope she can restore the CPU to operating spec."
E: "It looked pretty destroyed, but I suppose she of all people could do that."
A: "Goat certainly thinks that." She muttered.
M: "She d-does, as well. Though time is the o-one thing they don't have."
R: "It depends how long Gorrath wishes to monologue for."
Dance Monkey (14:45)
Coop switched the Megas to manual mode.
Revealing a DDR pad.
A: "Oh God."
R: "The concept of a manual mode is sound." Rei thought. "I am not sure about the execution of such a thing, however."
M: "I'm m-more surprised he even installed a manual backup."
The flashback revealed why he installed a manual backup.
E: "Oh that's why."
S: "Might just be me, but I don't think Kiva would be interested in that."
K: "It gives her time, at least. Though now it's the question on how long he can keep up."
E: "Even in that flashback he was sweating profusely. And with all that weight to carry, as well."
A: "He doesn't even have weapons?"
R: "Coop is like a metronome of forethought and clever thinking, and shortsighted and frankly bad thinking."
K: "How fitting for this show."
The DanceStation started up, the in game character speaking some broken Japanese.
R: "So this is how English speakers feel like when they hear broken English in anime."
A: "It's always rather hair pulling when you hear your mother tongue butchered, eh? I'm certainly used to that."
As one, Coop and the Megas began to dance, the avatar complementing him in a language he probably didn't understand.
E: "This system is rather remarkably similar to the Jäger, in a few ways."
K: "Even compared to the Jäger, this is much less intrusive. All you need is a pad and some gloves."
A: "And probably incredible fitness, as well."
R: "The issue with implementing such a system into the Evangelion is the same as implementing the system of the Jäger. There is simply not enough space in an entry plug to have such free movement."
M: "I could b-barely stand in the entry plug without b-banging my head."
R: "Indeed. With the Jäger and the Megas, they have plenty of space for such movement."
Coop started getting tired, the Megas soon falling silent.
R: "Of course, all that space is not going to matter if the pilot gets exhausted doing it."
S: "I guess that's another flaw with this kind of system? At least in a pilot's chair, it's not exactly exhausting physically."
A: "Not to that extent, at least."
Cavalry (16:30)
Out of the blue, a lawyer friendly version of the finale of William Tell Overture began playing.
K: "I'm sure Rossini wouldn't mind if you played the actual version."
A: "Does classical music like that even have copyright?"
R: "Appears Cartoon Network did not want to take that risk."
On the back of said classical music, came the winged hussars that were New Jersey car enthusiasts.
S: "Only Coop can destroy New Jersey, it seems."
M: "That does f-fit them, at least. If it's one of t-their own they're good with it."
E: "Unless some of their modifications were to mount weapons on their vehicles, I doubt they can do much."
K: "They can always do what Coop and company did originally. Distract them."
In an instant, most of them were out of commission.
K: "...Well at the very least, it sounds like they're inspiring Coop."
A: "Oh the magic of friendship helps him pull though."
Jaime eventually found his way into the cockpit of Megas.
M: "Is it just me, or d-does this all seem a bit... jumpy?"
R: "It does seem like a few frames here and there fell out of the disc."
S: "Maybe they were making this on a shoestring budget."
E: "At least they aren't resorting to keeping it on a single frame for a minute."
A: "Can that CPU really only do 7.2 million instructions per second?"
E: "She specified offensive and defensive manoeuvres, which I would assume were several distinct instructions each. So it's probably much faster than 7.2 MIPS, otherwise a Pentium would be faster than that."
M: "It'd p-probably still be faster than Coop c-could do it in."
Either way, all that was enough for Coop to get a second wind in, decimating the Glorft as Kiva continued working her magic.
Bridge (18:00)
Lacking a bridge to the CPU, Kiva elected to use Jaime as a conductor.
E: "That doesn't seem efficient."
A: "That doesn't seem safe!"
R: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
Amazingly enough, it worked, the CPU firing to life.
S: "Of course, it's only online as long as Jaime keeps holding it."
K: "Electricity contracts muscles, meaning his hands will keep holding onto it."
A: "That's not a good thing!"
And right before a Glorft could destroy the lowrider, Megas intercepted it.
M: "Either way, this is g-gonna be good."
And threw it like a hammer into several other Glorft, blowing up in reply.
R: "A bit shorter than I expected, but still a good fight all in all."
E: "There's still time in this episode."
Time enough for Coop to give another one of his patented monologues. "He's getting good at the whole inspirational speech, ain't he?"
R: "Jaime seems more impressed he ran half a block."
Coop hit the nitrous, because of course he put nitrous in the Megas.
M: "Damn, maybe we s-should put nitrous in an Evangelion."
Chuckling all around. "He is like a light cycle." Rei pointed out.
S: "We could've certainly used that kind of speed."
Seeing the writing on the wall, all the Glorft except the Warmaster and the Commander got the hell out of there.
Much to everyone's laughter. "Yeah he would be angry about that."
E: "They don't have arms, I'd suggest they flee as well."
K: "I wouldn't think Gorrath would be one to flee."
Chicken (19:40)
Slapping his Commander down, and after exchanging a few more words, Coop and Gorrath began to play the time honoured game of Chicken.
A: "Christ they really are a bunch of boys."
E: "He shouldn't be playing this Earther game if he knows what's good for him."
K: "Maybe so, but he is prideful. As the previous episodes have shown."
R: "He sees Coop piloting the Megas as a personal slight against him. I do not think he would ever think straight when facing the Megas."
M: "So t-that Commander had the right idea then, when ordering the r-retreat."
S: "At least we think he ordered the retreat."
A: "Gorrath seemed to think so."
Jaime was the one to chicken out, steering out of Gorrath's way.
K: "I'd like to think Coop had a plan instead of mutually assured destruction."
Whatever his plan was, it ultimately did not matter, as Warmaster Gorrath was currently on a collision course to the Jersey City Gunpowder, Shrapnel and Ball Bearing Factory.
E: "Why does that factory exist?!"
A: "Maybe they make bombs there."
S: "Can't deny they're certainly a diverse company."
As expected, crashing into said factory resulted in the levelling of a block.
M: "Oh but h-he's fine, at least."
R: "You cannot have an overarching villain if they die in the first few episodes."
Regular Cars (20:40)
They were now back to the rather destroyed convention centre.
A: "Might wanna pour one out for all those destroyed cars, eh?"
K: "Perhaps they will do such a thing."
To the surprise of just about everyone, Kiva won the prize.
E: "She didn't even enter a car, did she?"
M: "It doesn't s-sound joint with Coop, as well."
The lowrider driver explained the reasons for the vote.
R: "That seems reasonable, at least. She saved them, so she gets the prize."
A: "I'm sure that'll do wonders for her ego."
K: "With such an explanation, it does indeed sound well deserved."
M: "Good for h-her, then."
The lowrider driver asked to finish the competition.
A: "Oh right, they're missing the Jaime fuse."
S: "So what's the bet Coop will mess something up as Kiva's giving her speech?"
R: "A fool's bet, perhaps."
Coop crossed the wires, and only managed to make another hole in the convention centre.
E: "...Well, that wasn't so ba-"
The convention centre collapsed.
E: "Oh never mind!"
And then exploded, the people fleeing.
K: "This is why we don't say words like that."
E: "Because the Gods think it's funny, yeah I know."
A: "But at least they're getting some popcorn chicken."
~
The credits left off with a montage of the Megas crew playing some DDR.
"At the very least, New Jersey will be all better by the next episode."
"It's one of t-those shows, eh?" Mari thought. "Like Simpsons: it a-all goes back to the status quo in the e-end."
"If you could call this status quo." Flatly thought Eliza. "I can't imagine there being too many more episodes on this disc."
"We might get one more, Eliza."
The DVD went back to the crude menu at the end of the credits.
To a flat look on Asuka's face. "Or not."
"I'm kinda liking it so far." Shinji put in his two cents. "Pretty crazy, yeah, but it's pretty fun regardless."
Nodding all around. "Can't deny it's interesting, seeing a western spin on this genre."
"That is not serious, as Pacific Rim was."
"Good to h-hear Cartoon Network has the approval from where the mecha c-came from."
"The western sort of mecha we've seen so far has been pretty good, actually." Asuka remarked. "Pacific Rim Uprising was a bit... ehhhh, but I'm pretty sure we put that down to several factors, eh Rei?"
"Different directors and an entirely different studio creating said sequel, implying a particularly rocky production."
"Hence why Universal wanted to play it safe. We assume, of course." With a small chuckle. "Certainly can't say that of Cartoon Network's interpretation of the genre."
"I think that's why I have a liking for it." Realised Shinji. "It just doesn't take itself seriously. Even Gurren Lagaan had a bit of seriousness to it, this just doesn't give any sort of damn."
"Nice change from just about everything else we've seen, eh Shin-chan?" Beamed Asuka. "Mindless and cathartic, what's not to like?"
"At least it gives us something to fill out the rest of our vacation with."
"Eh, I'm sure we would've found things to do anyway, Eliza."
~~~
A warm mug of Blend 43 sitting on the table close to him, Spencer Makinami interacted with the mainframe set up at the local Polytechnic. "Here's hoping it's just a false alarm." He muttered to himself, sipping on the instant.
The computer eventually displayed just what the probe detected.
Coffee soon covered the CRT display, as he quickly interpreted the various graphs that were onscreen.
He had data. But to know for sure if there was something out there...
Quickly printing out his results in case the display stopped working, he went for the nearest landline, calling an outside number. "...Yeah, it's Makinami again." With a practiced calm. "I need to go back south. I'll be needing a boat and crew again."
A quiet nod. "And... get me a television crew, as well. Whatever's out there, I'm sure people need to see it."
~~~
The computer eventually displayed just what the probe detected.
Coffee soon covered the CRT display, as he quickly interpreted the various graphs that were onscreen.
He had data. But to know for sure if there was something out there...
Quickly printing out his results in case the display stopped working, he went for the nearest landline, calling an outside number. "...Yeah, it's Makinami again." With a practiced calm. "I need to go back south. I'll be needing a boat and crew again."
A quiet nod. "And... get me a television crew, as well. Whatever's out there, I'm sure people need to see it."
~~~
And the gears keep slowly turning in the background. But, lets ignore that for now, and focus on the giant robots! Because holy hell did the gang have fun going through these episodes today
And as one would expect for a show like Megas XLR, a lot of car talk today. I'm pretty sure the creators of the show were into FCA (or DaimlerChrysler as it would've been back then, and is most likely still in Chronicles), what with the mostly positive depictions the Barracuda and the Viper has had thus far.
Not that the gang are complaining too much, being mostly swept up in the general craziness of it all to pay too much mind
And yeah, Megas XLR is pretty fucking insane. Though it's a different kind of insane compared to a show like Gurren Lagaan. Where Gurren Lagaan was always rather grounded in itself, even with how quirky it could get; Megas XLR is the kind of insane where it just doesn't give a damn about most general conventions in mecha. And I think that's why the gang like it, it's not like any mecha they've seen before. Coop bought Megas for two dollars, replaced the cockpit with a Barracuda, somehow managed to wire it all together with actual thought put into it, gave it a spiffing paintjob and did it all because chicks dig giant robots.
How crazy is that premise?
Of course, the premise isn't the only thing they had fun with. Mari in particular had a blast throwing shade at New Jersey, and I think Eliza almost fritzed herself trying to get some of the happenings. Mainly because they don't really make much sense.
But as Asuka said, sometimes mindless fun is just what the doctor ordered. Just don't think too much about it and enjoy the giant robot car fighting aliens from afar
And if you want to know why I didn't cover Lowbrow, I determined Test Drive and Lowbrow were too similar for both parts to be a unique experience for the gang, so I elected to cut Lowbrow. Unfortunate, I know, but I don't think they missed out on too much
And as one would expect for a show like Megas XLR, a lot of car talk today. I'm pretty sure the creators of the show were into FCA (or DaimlerChrysler as it would've been back then, and is most likely still in Chronicles), what with the mostly positive depictions the Barracuda and the Viper has had thus far.
Not that the gang are complaining too much, being mostly swept up in the general craziness of it all to pay too much mind
And yeah, Megas XLR is pretty fucking insane. Though it's a different kind of insane compared to a show like Gurren Lagaan. Where Gurren Lagaan was always rather grounded in itself, even with how quirky it could get; Megas XLR is the kind of insane where it just doesn't give a damn about most general conventions in mecha. And I think that's why the gang like it, it's not like any mecha they've seen before. Coop bought Megas for two dollars, replaced the cockpit with a Barracuda, somehow managed to wire it all together with actual thought put into it, gave it a spiffing paintjob and did it all because chicks dig giant robots.
How crazy is that premise?
Of course, the premise isn't the only thing they had fun with. Mari in particular had a blast throwing shade at New Jersey, and I think Eliza almost fritzed herself trying to get some of the happenings. Mainly because they don't really make much sense.
But as Asuka said, sometimes mindless fun is just what the doctor ordered. Just don't think too much about it and enjoy the giant robot car fighting aliens from afar
And if you want to know why I didn't cover Lowbrow, I determined Test Drive and Lowbrow were too similar for both parts to be a unique experience for the gang, so I elected to cut Lowbrow. Unfortunate, I know, but I don't think they missed out on too much
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It would have managed one full month of Toonami goodness then boom 2nd impact.
Astray Spiral
Potential Evil Incarnate
- Location
- C:\Windows\explorer.exe
Actually, Toonami would have lasted from '97 to Second Impact, provided Atlanta, Georgia didn't managed to survive Second Impact.
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
Atlanta should be fine. It's over 200 miles inland, nearly a thousand feet AMSL, and nowhere near a major faultline.
Astray Spiral
Potential Evil Incarnate
- Location
- C:\Windows\explorer.exe
Then Toonami would continue to air pass Second Impact. Simple as that.
It's also likely that this also won't stop Adult Swim from airing, since it was born from Toonami's Midnight Run.
Atlanta would be safe from the shockwave (some basic math has the wave crests reaching up to 600 meters near the Equator but dissipating after that). However, Atlanta gets hit by hurricanes that usually crop up near the south-western coastline of the Sahara desert, Africa. This mixed with the kinetic energy of super tsunamis and the extra fresh water from melted south pole would create something truly terrifying. And I don't mean Day After Tomorrow XD
Well, I meant the better known Toonami - Rising Sun programs, as I think those were not just mainland US but adapted globally. Something that broad reaching would have seen the biggest drop-off of viewers after the cataclysm.
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grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
Wilhelmshaven exists. Downtown Tokyo is submerged to 'kaiju swimming between skyscrapers' depths.
Applying reasonable physics to the incident itself yields answers inconsistent with the canon facts, so I go for broad handwaves instead
Applying reasonable physics to the incident itself yields answers inconsistent with the canon facts, so I go for broad handwaves instead
Wilhelmshaven probably had to rebuild parts of the harbor and put in new seawalls. But that was standard practice for much of the North Sea communities since the 1970s. The only thing that might mess up most of the NATO infrastructure is not the 2nd Impact itself (except for Australia and PNG) but rather the wars that broke out shortly after.
- Location
- United States
Fair enough.Wilhelmshaven exists. Downtown Tokyo is submerged to 'kaiju swimming between skyscrapers' depths.
Applying reasonable physics to the incident itself yields answers inconsistent with the canon facts, so I go for broad handwaves instead
Then here's my theory. The intial broadcast ended at SI and it went on hiatus for 5 to 10 years. Various corporations would restructure around this time. Only at the start of the Angel war did Toonami return, but due to NERV and SEELE's tight grip on Japan's media. It didn't have the same selection of anime. So instead of Dragon ball and tenshi muyo, it would have gotten astroboy and the laughing salesman. Considering the art depression the industry would be going through, I'd imagine it would still be successful.
grommile
nasty-minded old cynic
- Location
- NERV-Mercia
- Pronouns
- Traditional/Animate
Wilhelmshaven has a reference altitude of approximately 2-4 metres above sea level, yet it still exists.
The lowest point of Tokyo's Yamanote loop line is 3.8 metres above sea level, and the highest is 38 metres above sea level, and the whole thing is permanently under kaiju-goes-swimming quantities of water.
The conjunction of facts about these two places means that no reasonable analysis can be performed on the incident (except as a prelude to declaring the whole thing inconsistent with physical reality
)Yeah that is a good question.
Anno's depiction of old Tokyo in episode 8 of the show is the only clue for how deep the flood waters reside that far north from Antarctica proper.
The UN fleet was carrying out maneuvers directly over the old city scape meaning it is well below the minimum water depth in 21st century harbor dredging. I think modern carriers can sit in 25 meters of cleared depth but this must account for any extant skyscraper heights.
Then there is the several kilometer long trunk cable that Unit-02 uses while trying to snag and reel in Angel Gaghiel. Pythagorean Theorem and some visual references in the scenes might help. First, 2500 meters hypotenuse for the trunk cable in play has horizontal range not exceeding 2.4 kilometers if the water depth is, let's say, one and a half Nimitz carrier lengths by the time Gaghiel plunges to the city street level (kicks up dirt and debris in the scene).
The other thing is how easy it was to see all the way down to the city blocks. Water visibility is a whole different animal, and probably not easy to portray in a mid-90s anime but there is a strong chance people did not free dive or otherwise disturb the old city out of reverence. Just my two cents.
- Location
- United States
I can think of two possible answers for this discrepancy. One requires a retcon the other a substantial knowledge of physics.Wilhelmshaven has a reference altitude of approximately 2-4 metres above sea level, yet it still exists.
The lowest point of Tokyo's Yamanote loop line is 3.8 metres above sea level, and the highest is 38 metres above sea level, and the whole thing is permanently under kaiju-goes-swimming quantities of water.
The conjunction of facts about these two places means that no reasonable analysis can be performed on the incident (except as a prelude to declaring the whole thing inconsistent with physical reality
The recton is simple, the Wilhelmshaven in post-SI is not the same as pre-SI. Similar to Tokyo-3, Wilhelmshaven would be a new city created after SI. However the reason its not Wilhelmshaven-2 is because the original was so destroyed and sunk into the sea that preserving the original name would be meaningless.
The second would require SI to damage the tectonic plates to such a degree that more plates are formed and they shift enough to cause massive land changes like the one here. Considering 2/3rds of humanity died because of SI, the scale of this destruction would be reasonable, but i cant adequately explain it because i am not smart.
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- Location
- Germany
Well, old Tokyo was also hit by an atomic bomb, so maybe that pushed it down a few dozen meters (without pulverizing the buildings).
"Looking back at her college life"? If the implication is that she went to college in the US rather than in Germany cause she could only have seen Cartoon Network there - it was (and still is, though I think now only pay TV) available in Germany as well - I actually got a big chunk of my English education from there, rather than from school.
Yeah, especially since this is about the antagonists for the mechas - though I guess no one of them would have minded an Eva vs SEELE member "fight"/accidental stomp.
That gives me the idea to get them "Price of Fame" - but then Asuka would probably want my head after all... >_>
I'm not sure if I should take offence in that.
On the other end of the world, Misato's eye twitches for some reason.
This is something I really like in Anime over Western cartoons (on average of course, exceptions exist on both sides). Definitely adds some realism (including "repeating" outfits - you don't throw away your clothes after wearing once, after all, of course you'd wear it again).
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
You know, her college life... of 2 years ago, at most.
D: Unless you gave her something hopeful like the way that was also the start of Walking In The Shadow Of Dreams or something like Long Time No See.
BadRoad
a thousand miles
Given that Japan is a volcanic archipelago at the junction of the Philippine, Pacific, North American, and Eurasian plates, while Germany is hundreds of miles from any major fault lines, this is probably the most reasonable explanation.
- Location
- Germany
Well, there's also the "extended version" - but not by me, so my head would still be on the line. So yeah, would probably have to go in a package with all the one-shots to even it out.