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Puella Magi Adfligo Systema

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Onmur said:
I think the votes need refinement. For example:
This could use a little better wording?


This might be just me, but the story ended, so this isn't exactly correct. It just ended before Walpurgisnacht actually arrived.


This part doesn't make sense -Oriko isn't worried about Walpurgisnacht, but about Feathers, which is a whole other can of worms.

Maybe get rid of Walpurgisnacht's mention here and focus on Feathers?

Of course, that kind of leaves us with empty promises, since we can't assure anything about Feathers being stopped, we're going in blind.
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Yeah, I kind of agree with the first points, also not sure how well calling it a "story" will go over with Oriko, even if I get what it's going for.
 
Onmur said:
Maybe,

[] My knowledge of that time ends there. It's not about Walpurgisnacht, but about you.

... something like this?
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"Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. I honestly don't know, my weird alternate timeline knowledge doesn't tell me how things ended. But that's not the point."
*snip stuff I'm okay with*
"Fate is never writ in stone, because Magical Girls make the impossible possible. That's the whole point of us existing. What did you think the odds were, after you burned down Sayaka's house, that we'd manage to stop you? That we'd get this far? Just because you don't see a way to survive doesn't mean we can't make one."
*snip more stuff I'm mostly okay with*
 
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Well...

Personally like 'smile' more than 'shrug'. Happy that Oriko's being less obstinate and all...

[] Smile. Try to encourage Oriko to to not give up on her life and to keep on fighting, no matter what. If she tries to shift the conversation towards her own 'inevitable' death, insist on the point that her happiness and willing to try and live are more important. Points to try and cover:
-[] "Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. I honestly don't know; my weird alternate timeline knowledge doesn't tell me anything after that. That's not the point."
-[] "The point is that version of you had better odds against Walpurgisnacht than you do now, because she had her head in the game, wasn't crippled by her own magic, and could shoot friggin' laser beams. That Oriko learned how to use her visions, rather than being used by them."
-[]"And above all that she was happy, because she'd found something more important to her than the whole world. If you died- and I don't know whether you did or not- you died together, and you died with no regrets. "
-[] "Fate is never set in stone, because Magical Girls make the impossible possible. That's the whole point of us existing. What did you think the odds were, after you burned down Sayaka's house, that we'd manage to stop you, right then and there? Or that we'd get this far? Just because you don't see a way to survive doesn't mean we can't make one."
-[] "You of all people should know how many people should have died by now, but didn't, because we saved them. You saved them, because you saw a terrible fate in store for them, and you fought it. We proved your visions wrong, and we've been able to stack the deck against Walpurgisnacht- and whatever comes after it- more than it's ever been. I've seen it be destroyed, and nobody has to die for that to happen."
-[] "I just want you to think. Not about what you would die for, but what you would fight and kick and scream to live for, no matter what the odds were, even if everything told you it was impossible.

"Fate is never writ in stone"; is 'writ' being used correctly there?

... Still looks big, this vote (I'm not helping on that front).

Anything else looks out of place?
 
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Today I learned: Having Homura and Oriko in the same scene literally causes Firnagzen headaches.

Because Homu can't stop Homu-Glaring at Oriko and Oriko can't stop being Ojou-Smug back... until the guns and the marbles come out and Firnagzen's frantically moving his head back and forth trying to avoid the collateral... which is difficult because he's trying to type...

[Q] Invite everyone to movie night at Oriko's.
-[Q] Homura will refuse out of hand. Employ your family's special technique.
--[Q] "THIS TECHNIQUE HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE KANAME FAMILY LINE FOR A GENERATION!"
---[Q] *Tear up with narrowed eyes and grab Homura's hands while trying to half-smile*
----[Q] "Please, Homura-chan," *sniff* "I can't make this work without you, can you spend this night with all of us, for me?"
 
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Can someone tell me the difference in the current votes? I'm kinda tired and the walls of text tend to blend in with eachother...
 
Onmur said:
I think the votes need refinement. For example:
This could use a little better wording?


This might be just me, but the story ended, so this isn't exactly correct. It just ended before Walpurgisnacht actually arrived.


This part doesn't make sense -Oriko isn't worried about Walpurgisnacht, but about Feathers, which is a whole other can of worms.

Maybe get rid of Walpurgisnacht's mention here and focus on Feathers?

Of course, that kind of leaves us with empty promises, since we can't assure anything about Feathers being stopped, we're going in blind.
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@Muramasa
Here's the summaries of the current votes:

Vote Always Happening:
  • Maybe maybe not, that's not the point.
  • That Oriko had better magic and learned how to use her visions.
  • She was happy.
  • Magical girls can change fate.
  • We've saved people- with your help- because you fought fate. We CAN fight fate.
  • Think about who you would LIVE for.

Vote Onmur:
  • Not the point. That Oriko found her answer. She was admirable, she succeeded, she controlled her visions. You can do better.
  • You've made changes possible. You've saved people. And I promise you'll be set free.
  • I've seen things go wrong...and I won't let it happen. So what will you live for, Oriko?

Ugovote is brief:
  • Maybe. Maybe not. I really don't know.
  • But Oriko...No matter how it went, that Oriko was happy. And I think you can do better. That loop's proof there is hope. It doesn't have to be like this...you just need to believe that you can.
  • Tell her everything.
 
Muramasa said:
@banjo2E

There's been several concerns regarding the wording of your vote. Would you mind addressing them?
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Gimme a few so I can find my vote and those concerns. I'll edit this post when I've done that.

Edit: Okay, gone through and incorporated the parts of the discussion I liked. Changes in orange. Someone mentioned not liking the bit about stacking the deck against Walpurgisnacht, but she's the subject of most of this post so it'd be weirder not to mention her IMO.

[x] shrug
-[x] "Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. I honestly don't know; my weird alternate timeline knowledge doesn't tell me what happened after that. That's not the point."
-[x] "The point is that version of you had better odds against Walpurgisnacht than you do now, because she had her head in the game, wasn't crippled by her own magic, and could shoot friggin' laser beams. That Oriko learned how to use her visions, rather than being used by them."
-[x]"And above all that she was happy, because she'd found something more important to her than the whole world. If you died- and I don't know whether you did or not- you died together, and you died with no regrets. "

-[x] "Fate is never writ in stone, because Magical Girls make the impossible possible. That's the whole point of us existing. What did you think the odds were, after you burned down Sayaka's house, that we'd just drop out of thin air and stop you right there? Just because you don't see a way to survive doesn't mean we can't make one."
-[x] "You of all people should know how many people should have died by now, but didn't, because we saved them. You saved them, because you saw a terrible fate in store for them, and you fought it. We proved your visions wrong, and we've been able to stack the deck against Walpurgisnacht- and whatever comes after it- more than it's ever been. I've seen it be destroyed, and nobody has to die for that to happen."

-[x] "I just want you to think. Not about what you would die for, but what you would fight and kick and scream to live for, no matter what the odds were, even if everything told you it was impossible.
 
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Agent Whiskers said:
Can we actually promise that?
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[EMPTY PROMISES INTENSIFY]

... I think we can. O&K won't stay under house arrest forever. If nothing else, we can probably convince Homura to let them go if they leave the city... maybe the country... well, we can manage something at some point in the future. That's why it's a promise, and not something that's happening right now. :p
 
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