Spaceballwarfu
The clack of heels on Ceramacrete echoed down the halls, the dim lit area a stark contrast to Padme's main chambers. Though it was quiet she still felt like she could hear the frantic activities of staff preparing a party. Not that Ciaran would hire just anyone to arrange... She stopped. She couldn't quite put into words WHAT that woman would or even could arrange. Slumping against an outer wall of the frilly looking palisade she stared out across the luxury surround, the soft trill of birds in the background even this late in the evening.
She almost automatically went to a pocket on her gown, then paused. She glanced left and right, a furtive and anxious look on her face, and when she was sure no-one was about she.... looked again. This was Ciaran after all! But... she'd already found out. Sighing in reluctant resignation she brought out the bright spot in her current life (At least while a certain Jedi Knight wasn't on planet) and a smile touched her face. Almost immediately she glanced around again. Surely that woman would embarrass her further, right? Then she blinked. Ciaran
had seemed rather tired.
"Huh, maybe she does have limits after all." She muttered to herself, and smiled, gently stroking the ring.
It was odd. It had a curious symbol engraved on the gem... almost like Nern on it's side, but more fluid. Her finger traced across the symbol and... With a gasp the gem burst into light, and a deep green beam shot forth. A startled Padme gaped as a... lightsaber beam?!? sprung from the ring.
For several seconds she stared unblinkingly at the impossible streak of shear emerald green, the illumination outlining her features as her face went from shock, to confusion, to a resigned expression. Finally she sighed and reached for a comm-link. It took quite a few seconds for the the response to arrive.
"Padme? What is it?" Came crackly through the audio port. "Are you in trouble?"
"No dearest." Padme said, and the silence after showed he had heard the icey tone in her voice. "Please, perhaps you could explain why my ring almost sliced my face off?"
More silence followed for several seconds, though eventually Anakin did respond.
"Oooh, ah... well. You see... Heh, there's a funny story about that. Dang. He swore it wasn't the ring!"
"Who swore what exactly? You said you made this yourself? Your gift of true love? You do remember?"
A sigh echoed across the ornamental palisade from the tinny audio port.
"Of course I do Padme. How could I eve forget tha..."
"AND?" Padme interrupted.
"OK... well... you know I was.... searching... For answers." He started, his nervousness obvious.
"Yes, and you still haven't explained what either. 'When the Time is right' isn't a good enough answer Anakin."
"I know my love, but to the point... well, during my travels....
*Transition screen, view waves out of focus....
"Hey! Who started the whole world wobbling!" Padme yelled as she faded away into the flashback sequence.
***
Though some of the 'memories' he had did include this scene, he had originally assumed the visage was of Tatooine. But as his Actis Interceptor swept over the dunes his mind kept going over his train of thought. Something had led him here instead, he just couldn't think of what. As he banked east away from one of the deeper dune seas to the more habitable areas something touched his mind.
Sweeping around he put the repulsors on hover and swung in low, homing in on that sense he was getting. Almost like a cry out in the force somehow, but twisted. Finally he pinned it down, coming from an unasuming dune up against a low sandstone hill. Touching his craft down he tapped R2 on the wing and whispered.
"Keep an eye on the ship R2. I'll be back."
A low, mournful 'boop' followed him as he strode off towards that glint in the force.
He didn't need to sweep the sand away to feel the door, it seemed to resonate faintly in the force somehow. It almost looked golden to him as a wave opened the doors with a soft clunk. Withdrawing his lightsabre he crept into the dark interior of the hill, stone walls on either side, and a wave behind him gently pulled the doors shut behind him.
Sconces were lit on either side as he stepped downwards, his senses stretched, a sensation of terrible power and greed nearby, a sickly... but somehow gentle presence that seemed a mass of contradictions.
"You know you could have just knocked."
Slowly Anakin turned around and.... looked down.
"This has got to be a joke."
Before him was a wizened dwarf of a man, green of skin and... if he'd merely heard a description of Yoda rather than seeing him in person, he supposed the being before him might match that description. In fact it almost looked like a parody of Yoda.
"You're telling me! I mean, aren't you a little tall for a Spaceball?"
Anakin blinked.
"Was that an insult?" He said, an aura of anger bubbling inside, but he quenched it with some difficulty.
"Heh, depends on who you ask." The being said, then stuck his hand out. "Yogurt."
Tracing his gaze slowly down Anakin gazed at the outstretched hand, then back up at the owner.
"No thanks, already eaten."
"Huh, everyone's a critic!" The odd little creature said, turning and hobbling away into a large chamber. It glanced back at him over it's shoulder. "It's my name numbskull! Sheesh! Are you coming or what?"
OK, this was possibly the weirdest... He blinked. No, Mortis
did top this. And honestly quite a few other of his escapades in the clone wars. Still...
"So, 'Yogut,' I take it you 'called' me here?"
"That I did, that I did, and the name's Yoh-gurt. The least you can do is get a guy's name right! What a world!" He said, shaking his head. "Still, you have come on a grand quest, to see what you never could see, to feel the tides of time and reality crumble around you, to know what you could have, would have, never quite, almost have not been.. at all..." He said, seeming to waver a little at the end. "That, and you could use some better merchandising."
"Merchandising?" Anakin stopped in his tracks, shook his head... then looked up to where Yogurt was taking him. "Why do you have a statue of yourself in your own home?"
"Who said I live here? This is the workplace. Nothing like a towering visage of fury and anger to cower workers into increasing profits." The look Anakin gave him at that made it obvious what he thought of that! "What? Oh come on, they know it's all for show! Besides, a bit of fire and brimstone never went awry. Good for the kids too! Families get group discounts you know!"
"Wait, what? Are you telling me this is a entertainment park? Underground?"
"Meh, the land was cheap. So sue me! Besides, it has great potential! Value can only go up." He held up both hands in front of him as if framing something only he could see. "Spaceballs the ride! It's going to have a waterfall, a rollercoaster and a video arcade rolled into one... if we can get the insulation past the coding authority."
"O...Kaaay." Anakin said, slowly backing away. "It's been real fun. You enjoy your..." He waved a hand to the somewhat barren cave interior. "... Sith Park."
An echoing chuckle stopped Anakin as the green figure turned back, grinning from ear to ear.
"Oh Chosen one, so easily you judge. Do you really think 'The Force' is the only power in the universe? Not everything is Sith and Jedi. Well not here anyway, we can't afford another lawsuit after all." A hiss came from Anakin's direction as his lightsaber ignited, the stark light tinting the shadows in the cave a harsh blue actic light. "And still you think me a Sith? Me? I mean, can you really see me in black?"
Anakin raised an eyebrow as he held a battle stance. The power from Yogurt was difficult to read. That he held some power was obvious, but whoever he truly was he obviously knew Anakin well enough, and seemed completely unperturbed by the Jedi Knight ready to unleash hell before him.
"You reek of greed and corruption, a need to take everything from anyone. What else could you be?"
"Oh boy. Are you out of touch. You need to talk to my agent. Oh vey! Now
he could give a Sith a run for his money on greed!"
"Why have you lured me here?"
"You mean other than a for a two year contract?" He held his hands up placatingly. "Don't worry, we just feel a contrast on the posters would be good. Lonestar on the left, boy wonder on the right. Maybe Vespa in repose between. Can you imagine the interest? Ah, but no, that's not why you are here boy. Oh no.... Unfortunately. Darned Lawyers!" Yogurt shook his head. "No, you are here to attempt to grasp your very self, the intrinsic essence of who you are, your past, future and how it..."
"Sorry, already did that." Anakin interrupted.
Yogurt stopped short, blinked then sighed.
"Dang! This close to a movie deal too." With yet
another sigh (Melodramatic or what?) Yogurt faced the still battle ready Anakin and smiled. "I see you still rely on force first and foremost, hmm?" Yogurt waggled his eyebrows and, for some reason, fingered a ring on his right hand. "So, you think you can best a crinkly, aging has-been hermit of a Knutt?"
"Try me."
The beam of emerald light that irrupted out of Yogurt's ring surprised him, but not as must as the incredibly intense, visually stunning lightsaber battle that followed.
*One intense, visually stunning lightsaber battle far too costly for the low budget of Space balls later*
*Gasp* "Ha.. had enough yet... old... *Pant* Man?" Anakin said, his robes torn in several places, his lightsaber still at ready position. He stood amidst a torrent of destruction, a severed head of the Yogurt statue, numerous Dinkdink figurines shredded from the merchandising store they had torn through, and in the midst of it all, the smiling figure of Yogurt. The green slice of light emitting from his ring held calmly before him.
"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? You know me, old decrepid man that I am. Can't hear a thing without my hearing aid."
Anakin glared at the impossibly agile gnome. He'd seen Yoda fight, but this... this was something else. The infuriating man just... wasn't where he swept his blade. It was as if he not only predicted Anakin's moves and was where his blade wasn't, it was if he predicted EVERYTHING! It was like fighting a choreographed battle, every move plotted and planned, done just precisely so.
"Say, could you go for a cuppa joe?" Yogurt said, turning around and deactivating his 'lightsaber ring'
With a snarl Anakin leaped forwards, with not quite the spring in his step as when he'd started this battle. Just as he swept down, Yogurt just happened to look across to the milk on a trolley and calmly shift left to pick it up, The blue blade slicing less than an inch behind him, slicing into the floor. He actually stepped over the beam before Anakin could whip it up, only to again slice empty air as Yogurt leaned into the caff pot. Three awkward swings later just ionized some more air.
"Milk? You look like you take your's black, am I right?"
"Who are you? How in hell do you do that?"
"You wanna know a secret?" Yogurt said, leaning in conspiratorially.
Nervously Anakin leaned closer.
"Plot armor."
"What?" Anakin said, confused.
"You heard me, plot armor! The scrip... I mean the future has been laid out my boy. I am a main cha... well, being of power. Lets just say I know I make it through this scene intact."
"You're insane." Anakin said, taking a step back from the smiling gnome.
"But still not a Sith. I think you can tell that by now."
With a reluctant frown Anakin nodded.
"I don't know what you are, but you aren't a Sith." He paused, then a dark frown came to his face. "And honestly I'm not sure why I attacked you in the first place. I've come to know recently things aren't as black and white as they appear."
"Meh, the plot needed some action. Just accept it. Anyway, that's done with. Here, have a souvenir." Yogurt said, then surprised Anakin by tossing something to him.
Reacting without thinking his reflexes caught it instantly. He opened his hand to find.
"Your ring?"
"Call it a memento. The power isn't in the ring after all. I sell them a dime a dozen! Hah! But for you, it still has importance I feel, hmm?"
Already Anakin was staring at the oddly beautiful ring with it's strange design.
"It's 'S' for Schwartz Anakin."
What the Sithspit was 'Ess?'
"Erm. Thankyou. I guess."
"You're welcome, and now the time has come. Ooooh, what a world, what a world....!" Yogurt said, waving his hands in the air melodramatically as the whole world wobbled....
"Hey, what?? What's goooo.....
*Wobble fade back to present day on Naboo*
"So this is... a ring of Schwartz?" Padme said into the commlink.
"Yes. Honestly I don't remember how I got off that planet, but the starfighter was full of these horrid little, cheaply made figurines. One got jammed in the tertiary motivator. Gave R2 a hell of a time resetting it!"
Padme gently turned the beam back and forth, the ring generating it glinting in the starlight of early evening.
"Well, it certainly is an interesting wedding ring. You do manage to make everything complicated don't you Annie?"
"I try my love."
'He can be oh so trying!' Padme thought, but managed not to say out loud.
"Perhaps next time you go off on a weird adventure you can take me with you?"
"So you want
that kind of honeymoon then?"
Padme glared at the commlink.
"Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easily mister! You know what we planned."
"How could I forget. I hear Druidia is lovely this time of year."
