A Business Dahl-liance
Conrad Bach, long suffering lawyer from the acquisition department of Lucasfilms, and one of its most brilliant lights if he said so himself, once more was faced with a conundrum of the greatest order after he was called by direct order Of Mr. Eisner to his office. It had been some time since he'd returned from making the deal with both Umberto Eco and Jean-Jacques Annaud (which thankfully both Mr. Eisner and Mr. O'Brian had congratulated him rather than reprimand him for overreaching) in order to get the rights for
The Name of the Rose and the production rolling, when he was now given another project to achieve.
Truly, the reward for work well done was more work.
It was not even that big of a problem if you looked at it objectively; both Mr. Eisner and Mr. O'Brian had praised both his dedication, quick thinking, systematic approach, and ability to both improvise and compromise when an obstacle appeared in his way. It's true that Mr. Howard would no longer be the assigned Director, but it was not like he was rearing to go at it either. This freed talent from having to work in projects that they did not feel passionate about, and made it possible to obtain the rights with full certainty, while optimizing the chances for its success in the big screen.
Quite logical if he said so himself.
Thus he had been selected to fix another issue that had cropped up once more; it turned out that once again, one of Lucasfilms writers (though not one that worked full time for them... will wonders ever cease) had been overzealous in her duties when they discovered the new book released by Roald Dahl, and thought it would make for an amazing movie. Perhaps it was the incredibly freeing atmosphere that Lucasfilms gave its creators, or perhaps they feared that the book would make such an impact that she better hurry and make the story before someone else would approach the author with a different adaptation. Whatever the reason, it turned out that once more he was being sent abroad (to England this time, thank the lord) and try to convince Mr. Dahl that Lucasfilms had what it took to bring his latest work to film.
The BFG, a children's book of all things. Conrad tried giving it a read to see the appeal, and perhaps understand just why, once more, the writers that Mr. O'Brian employed could not just try and contain themselves and become a very real and liable lawsuit just waiting to happen! And overall... he did not understand the appeal of it. There was certainly some imagination put in there, and he could see how children would be invested what with the main character being a child... but the overall lessons were appalling on their own right! Having a kid be the one that has to find a way to solve a way to stop human eating giants! Showing the adults as, at best, incompetent buffoons! And did he mention about the very explicit Human-Eating Giants!!!
And they wanted to make this into a movie!?
Not for the first time did Conrad had to remind himself of his position; he was a lawyer, and he worked for his client, regardless of his personal tastes. They were pushing and testing him, but he would prevail. He had not gone through Berkeley, had to pass a grueling Bar examination, and then finally secure one of the best paying jobs where he'd been kept busy and productive for the past years just so that he could collapse when being given what should be a simple enough procedure in acquiring a new property, no matter how much he may dislike it.
At the very least he would be going to a real English-Speaking country this time around, and he'd made his research as well, seeing that so far there had been no one interested in acquiring the rights for this specific book this time around, nor were there plans for it to be adapted by the author either. Sure, there seemed to be a TV Show in Britain which was adapting his short stories, and was quite popular from what Conrad had heard;
Tales of the Unexpected, as its name suggested, did seem to delight in its twist endings, which once more made you question the viewers' taste.
Nevertheless, his mission was to get the rights from the recently published novel. Not a problem, easy as pie, right?
Wrong.
It was because he'd researched on Dahl and his previous adaptations that he knew of the daunting task ahead of him. The man was famous for having only one adaptation made in Hollywood, the famous Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory distributed by Paramount. A charming tale, that nonetheless had its share of dark scenes that nonetheless were balanced by a fun tale of whimsy and fun, not to mention the resolution with Charlie getting his happily ever after. What no one mentions was the chaotic and nearly hellish production, the constant fights to get more funding, or the constant disapproval from Dahl over his work when he tried writing a screenplay that had to be rejected over being too much like a book.
And let's not even begin with the release. Dahl was so offended with the final product that he disowned the film, citing not only how infuriated he was with the final product, but finding it overly sappy, saccharine, sentimental, taking away much of what made the book wholly his and turning it into another product that supposedly was built for parents to feel better about what their children watch, instead of for the children themselves. He's made sure to kill any idea for an adaptation of the sequel (...
there was a sequel?!) and so far no other studio had managed to convince him to let them take in another of his works to the big screen.
So, no pressure, right?
Haha... He was screwed wasn't he?
"You're pretty much screwed to borrow your phrase."
Conrad Bach tried to put on a stoic face as he heard from Dahl's agent. Anthony Goff was among one of the few people that Dahl could say he trusted (odd considering some comments attributed to Dahl), which about gave him as much an in to Dahl's as he could get at the moment.
"...How bad is it?" He sighed.
"Look, I won't sugarcoat it. I've known Roald for years now, I've spoken to him at length about his beliefs, his method when writing, his experiences... and they're all mixed together into a single whole. Each of his books are deeply personal to him, which is why the very thought of someone modifying any part of them becomes a personal insult. Perhaps even more, and this novel you want the rights for a film? This one goes deeper, much, much deeper than that."
"Alright, I get it! But can you speak with him about it at least? I called on you first since your his agent, and you know him the best. What do you rate our chances here?"
Goff sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Alright, I'll give it to you straight. whenever Lucasfilms was mentioned, Roald would comment how much he appreciated that there was an actual studio that did not dumb down or tried to play stories for children as "overly sweet nonsense crap" in his words. He really appreciated the work done in both Gundam stories, and the showing of Classical Tales was one of his favorites as well, he kept on mentioning how much his children loved to play as the characters." He stopped to bring some water to his mouth, giving Bach time to collect his thoughts.
Dahl actually liked Gundam?! Well, not so much liked it. but was happy for his children who enjoyed it apparently, but was Goff seriously telling him how his chances were improving because of a cartoon!?
What kind of world was he living in!
"As such" he continued once he finished, "I would think that if there's any chance at all for him to accept any offer, it would be from your studio. However, what
you just showed me... well, Roald hated what Paramount did with his book, and I don't think I need to tell you how that ended up."
"It's about the changes? We're not even trying to remodel it all, just-"
"That alone is enough. Look, I get how sometimes there are changes from one medium to the next, but as far as Roald is concerned, if his readers liked the book, then they should have no problem watching the movie be exactly the same as well. Even with the current goodwill that you hold, I find it difficult to think that he would accept this draft."
"But..."
But I can't go back and ask them to change it either! Not when both Mr. Eisner and Mr. O'Brian had left this to his discretion and expected results from their confidence in him. Heck, he did not think that the writer would be that keen in changing her script either, which would mean assigning another writer, wait even more time to see the result of said script, then return and wait for another appointment. And that was if there was even a writer available for the script to be made.
He could not just hope that Carrie O'Brian took a liking to the book and wrote a whole new draft! And in the meantime, this meant that others could very well come with a better offer, and with just what Dahl wanted to make, so that they would lose their chance. IN the end, he was looking at a delay of 2-3 years minimum as things stood at the moment.
He tried to think on what he could do to get him to agree; Money? if that was enough then his entire bibliography would have already been adapted into films. Creative Control? Considering what they just told him (and the many stories from Paramount's production of Willy Wonka) he did not think that would fly well when the time for production came around. Heck, the many methods that would usually work with different authors and creators were just useless here.
Well... there was one thing left. It's just... it was the one thing which he had yet to try. it was somewhat ridiculous now that he thought about it, and nonetheless it all came down to it. Despite what every instinct in his body was telling him, despite his mind saying how bad of an idea this clearly was, how it went against everything he'd learned in Berkeley and from his time working with Mr. Eisner... in the end it all came down to one simple act.
"... Give him the draft as it is."
What would Mr. O'Brian do? He would trust on the vision of his writers.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Give him the draft. No changes, no alterations. Let him judge it for what it is."
Goff opened his mind, ready to yell at him, wondering if he had actually lost his mind after everything he'd told him. But the look in Bach's eyes stopped him. He was not sure what he saw in them, there was just so much passing and twisting within; fear, confidence, hopefulness, defeat, but above all, there was the shine of those men he'd once seen before, those who gambled everything on one single throw of the dice, with the sure certainty that it would land on the right side.
It was a dangerous look, many a time he'd seen the light go out of said eyes when luck had failed to materialize, their entire energy just sputtering out like a candle in a snowstorm. He was tempted to be a bit kinder, suggest he go and take a break, rest it over for the next day and perhaps try again once he was in a more stable state of mind.
But at the end of the day, he had to remember; he was not Mr. Bach's friend nor employee. He was Roald's, and he had to look for his interests first. Whether this succeeded or not, it depended on his client's will.
"I hope you know what you're doing." He said as he took the draft.
"...Me too." Bach managed to exclaim, as the most tense and stressing week of his life began.
Two Weeks Later:
"Yes Mr. Eisner, the contract can be signed as soon as it's received. Both Mr. Goff and Mr. Dahl have reviewed and agreed to it."
"Well that's excellent news Bach. We knew we could count on you; you always deliver on such quick notice."
"Thank you sir. Though if you'll excuse me, there's still some small matters that need my attention."
"Say no more, go right ahead. We'll see you at the office bright and early."
"I'll be there sir." Bach hanged up the phone as he allowed himself to collapse on his hotel bed, the entire room looking like a hurricane had passed over; there was trash thrown around, the bed had seen better days, and the bathroom had been declared a no-go zone for the foreseeable future.
Yeah... he'd found out that he did not do good when under stress. Huh, live and learn he guessed.
It had been an entire week of nothing but double guessing himself, having constant panic attacks, then having to find the right pharmacy that would sell anything to deal with said panic attacks, which would then have him return to his hotel room, then find someplace to eat, which he would then not be able to keep in, having to go to the bathroom, then not being able to sleep right, which only exacerbated his constant stress and anxiety...
Repeat ad nauseum.
It had been one of the worst experiences in his life; he wondered what possessed him to go out of his comfort zone so many times that the question had become stale. He could only thank that he'd given the order to have no one come to his room during the entire period of time. It did give him some peace of mind, though he was beginning to think it may have exacerbated his anxiety.
When Goff contacted him, amazement in his voice, telling him how Dahl had agreed to licensing the rights for the book, provided that it was made just as the draft had promised of course, he was just about ready to faint and perhaps sleep for the entire day. With the need for finalizing the contract being the last issue keeping him on his feet.
It was over though, every 'i' had been dotted, every 't' had been crossed, and there was only one final matter to deal with.
Sleep in... for at least the next two days.
He ended up doing it for three.
The room never seemed as welcoming as then.
A.N.: I've been working on this for a while now, when I remembered reading about Dahl and his reticence to let any of his works to be done by Hollywood studios ever since Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was not until the Witches with Jim Henson when Dahl decided to give it another go, and even then he once more disowned the film, this time feeling it had been "too mean spirited". The man's real goldilocks is what I'm saying; it all needs to be just right for him. And considering that he wrote this book with his dead daughter in mind, then I figured we would be needing as much support from him as possible.
