Equivalent Exchange
Interpersonal problem-solving. Why did it have to be interpersonal problem-solving? If this were literally anything else, I could deal with it. If the intruder had been anyone else, I'd probably just kick them out and build a gun turret or five. It wouldn't even take me five minutes. But it was Aisha, local pain-in-the-ass and daughter of the closest person-with-a-pulse I have to a friend.
Thinking of which, it was sort of weird that everyone that trusted me was a non-meat based life form, but that was something to ponder once I'd dealt with this whole... thing. Well. There was Tattletale, but how much of that was her passenger? So that's half a meat person.
The jar is getting so many quarters tonight. So many.
"Aisha, we have a problem. Several. The first of which is that you came in here." I could do this. She didn't have to know I was pulling this out of my ass; that I was as closed to panicked as I could get.
"I was curious! I wasn't going to take anything..." She whined. I'd say I trusted that about as far as I could throw her, but I'm pretty sure I could probably toss her from one end zone to another. Or at least from one edge of the Lab to another.
"You were impulsive. You expected your power to protect you, and you wanted to know something. So you went to find it out. It's just... Were I any other tinker, you'd be a greasy smear being mopped up by a Roomba right now. You're new to the whole cape thing, so I'm willing to believe you didn't know that following a cape home is only one step above assaulting their family. And I'm willing to believe you don't know anything about the cape scene either. So you didn't know that most extra-dimensional storage space belongs to Toybox, and specifically Dodge. And you probably didn't know that Cranial, the tinker who specializes in brains, works with Toybox. So, by sheer accident, you could have ended up a brain-in-a-jar controlling an invisible tank at the behest of mercenaries." Granted, I could probably do that too. I definitely
wouldn't even in dire straights, but I could.
"Or maybe they'd wipe your memory and implant a command to kill your family at a later date, like a Simurgh bomb. Or just put a literal bomb in your head. I removed thirty of those,
yesterday." And the fact that I could just as easily put them in was left unspoken.
"Okay, Jeez, it was stupid. But I wouldn't do anything to you!" She protested.
"That's not the point. Your power protects you, but doesn't do a damn thing for anyone around you. It won't protect your father, your brother, or me. And that's the rub here. The cost of knowing a secret is being able to keep it."
"I wouldn't tell anyone, I swear!"
I sighed and folded my hands. "Not intentionally, perhaps. Nor willingly. But what if someone captured Brian, or your father? What would you do to get them back? What would you do if you were faced with someone who could beat your power, and keep you prisoner?" I let the 'like me' remain implied.
Aisha squirmed. "I'd shank them in their sleep... or... I don't know."
With a sigh, I gestured toward the apartments. "I'm not going to hurt you, I just need a little time to think. Garment, would you please get her comfortable?"
Once they were on their way, I made my way to the main floor and took a clone potion. I glanced at the other Joes. "Alright, brainstorming time. What do I do?"
One thing I'd learned, even if it wasn't first hand, was that knowing you only have ten minutes to live has a way of focusing your mind. The right-most Joe, Delta, shrugged. "We can solve this whole thing pretty easy. I don't mean with a mind-wipe... more of... an addition."
The left Joe, Epsilon, shook his head. "First of all, messing with someone's mind is pretty bad, you know how we reacted when we got that one. You want to make a literal child soldier, because she broke into our house. Secondly, we're engineers, not Infiltrators. It wouldn't help her leverage those abilities even if we do understand some of the basis of cloaked combat."
Delta tilted his head slightly. "I'm not saying it's a good solution, but it is a solution. We only feed in the basic training and enough to use an omnitool. We equip her, teach her how to keep a secret and why by way of the military training, and let her loose. She's safer, her family is safer, we're safer."
Epsilon scoffed "Yeah, and she come out of it thinking she can push us around and that we'll bribe her. That's on top of the fact that we're going to have to do the thing we never, ever wanted to do. How much of her would be left?"
Delta playfully raised his fists like he was getting ready to step into the ring. "How much of Us is left? Answer, all of it. We don't die every time we get a new power. Well, okay, yes, the clones like you and me do, but that's beside the point. Alright hotshot, you got anything?"
"Yeah, I got a better idea, we stick her with a cellphone, that way she can call if she's in trouble and it doesn't seem like we owe her anything. It's fundamentally no different from our agreement with Tattletale, and we know she's got loose lips too. But I'm not the one that has to live with this, he is." Epsilon pointed to me, and I became aware of how little I'd actually been saying. Crap.
"Okay. I think we know what we're going to do. Epsilon, make another I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Tinkertech phone. Delta, make an omnitool; we could always use a spare. Whichever of you finishes first, start making snacks, and then... I don't know. Use your time wisely." I said, trying to focus. That was the thing, wasn't it? This was never my choice to make. "I'm going to go think."
We split ways, and I headed straight for the Throne. The thought-acceleration would be a welcome reprieve at least. I sat down, and let my mind expand.
******
Addendum Aisha
It was weird as hell being manhandled by dainty gloves, even if she was polite. And a hero. The apartment was so much better than the one that Joe rented outside. Garment did her best to keep the little Imp busy, and the absolute forests of clothes helped.
And then Joe showed up, pushing a silver cart with two serving domes and plenty of assorted food with it. Joe held out a bowl of the most delicious smelling popcorn Aisha had ever laid eyes(laid nose?) on in her life. "It's bad to make decisions on an empty stomach."
Aisha sniffed suspiciously. "I'm in an impossible realm, with someone who wants to make a deal. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to eat anything, or else I get trapped in fairy land."
"Your choice, I made enough for both of us. Sandwiches and drinks, too."
"Uh-huh. What's under the domes?"
Joe grabbed the lids and lifted them. Under one was a cellphone. Under the other was a fancy wrist watch. "The main course. It's your choice. You take the cellphone, and life continues as it has. Except now, you'll always have a way to reach me if you get in trouble."
Aisha gestured the watch-thing. "And that?"
"Remember what I said about the mind-wiping? That's not all Cranial could do, she could give you the skills of a trained soldier. You take the watch, and we're stuck together. You'll have everything you need to keep yourself safe. We'll be partners, from here on out."
Really, it was no choice at all, not for Aisha.
Yeah, I dunno. The discussion just sort of filtered into this. I actually had more from Joe, including him waffling over the whole thing of even offering the Soldier Imprint thing, justifying the programming and work as journaling, and a bunch of other stuff, but I decided I liked the ambiguity of it and cut a bunch. I didn't try too hard to match the style, but like, here we are. It doesn't feel 100% in character, but it feels like it's "hyper-Competent" enough for SV tastes, even if I don't exactly share them.
