SIRP-A&T Cross-encounter #3! The Shinjis!
This did not quite go as either of us expected. We both thought it would end up much more confrontational, given
A&T!Shinji is
not happy with Gendo Ikari, while
SIRP!Shinji isn't nearly so angry. But Shinji's own depression and feeling of straining under all the pressure of being strong for everyone shone through far more for both of them.
As usual,
A&T!Shinji in white,
SIRP!Shinji in blue.
*SCENE OPENS*
Shinji reflexively made some tea and set out a cup for... himself and himself. He kept glancing awkwardly at the other boy, finding trouble looking at him even after he ran out of kitchen delaying tactics. "Er... so... are you... um..." He gives up after a moment. "I don't even know where to start. Asuka is a lot better at this than me."
"I...yeah. I'm...okay," Shinji guesses at the appropriate thing to say. "A little worried. We can't afford to get stuck here."
"Ah, no offense."
"No, no! I get it!" Shinji #1 waves his hands. "I know how... critical we are to fighting the Angels. I mean... is there anything left to fight if you're all here?"
"All we had was a 'Jet Alone' thing by one of the old zaibatsu. It was nuclear powered, and ran out of control during the only test. They shut it down."
"We have one of those! It had the nuclear reactor taken out. Now it's powered by something else. N2 reactor, I think."
"There is also a bigger machine, called T-RIDEN-T."
"And...Kaworu. He doesn't have an Eva, but he's still there."
"A...trident? It's some kind of navy thing?"
"No, it's...a big machine. Much bigger than Jet Alone. It's kind of pointy. Needs three pilots to operate. They're our friends."
"If we're not there, they're going to get killed," Shinji finishes grimly.
"Three more Pilots? That...sounds kind of neat, really. Having more friends. All of us here are. Were they students at our school too?" His face darkens at the last part. "Oh."
"Yeah, Toji and Kensuke. And Hikari, sort of. We never hang out enough. Ever since we all moved in together, we kind of stick to our own group."
"Other people don't understand."
Shinji #1 smiles weakly. "Yeah... they can't. Hikari's a Pilot here, too. Not Kensuke or Touji, though. But... Misato-san said pretty much all the kids in our class are... 'potential Pilots'. And that...none of us have living mothers."
"There's a reason for that," Shinji cautiously offers, not sure how much he should say.
Shinji nods. "We know. Asuka and I figured it out after Hikari got... sucked into the Core of Unit-03. She... talked to her mother in there."
"Then we tried it in our own. It worked."
"Mother is... there."
"They...talk?" Shinji shudders.
"I thought the Angel was lying."
"Does that mean..."
Shinji trails off, his eyes filling with fear and sadness.
"They can... talk to us, yeah. If you concentrate while you're synched....you can talk to them."
"Mother is..." Shinji shifts awkwardly. "She's alive. She loves us. But... she's... kind of... evil."
"Evil? I...don't understand."
"Do... you know about SEELE? And Father?"
Shinji nods, briefly.
"Mother was... part of that too. So was her father. The grandfather we've never even met."
"She was... part of Second Impact."
"She helped stop Adam?" Shinji doesn't think that's what the other boy is driving at, but it's worth a shot.
Shinji shakes his head sadly. "I wish. She... knew it was coming. So did father. They... helped. Father made sure he left Antarctica the day before, with copies of all their research, so nothing
important" he snarls the word "Would be lost. Like Misato-san's father was."
"They knew!"
"Three billion dead, and our family was right in the middle of it." Shinji whispers, face bent downward.
Shinji shudders.
"It's...hard to believe that. Everything they've done...it's been horrible, but it always has a purpose. What would be the purpose of waking up Adam? Why not just attack him in his sleep?"
Shinji fiddles with his tea cup. "I... Mother told me everything when I first made contact. I... I think
us being born changed her. She used to be on board with SEELE's plan. But once she had us..."
"It ruined everything," Shinji finishes the familiar mantra.
"...she went from wanting what SEELE wanted to... stopping it."
"Ruined? Um...no, I don't think so."
"She... she said she did the Contact Experiment for
us. To make sure there
was a future."
His face clouds. "She left letters, videos, explaining everything for me... but father
destroyed them all."
"Like I said - purpose," Shinji mutters. "All those mothers...hundreds of them, gone. But she started with herself. All because it was the only way to build the Evangelions."
"Everything they do is like that."
"And I - we - are just like them."
Shinji shivers. "I...try not to think like that. Asuka and Rei and Misato-san keep... telling me I'm not. I try to believe them."
"Try not to
be like them."
"Misato told me that too. But...I am like Father."
"I manipulate people to get my own way."
"And I keep secrets just like he does."
"And if Rei was gone...the way Mother is...I think I would be like Father too."
Shinji shivers again. "I... I wish I didn't understand what you mean. But... I do. I know if... if something happened to Asuka, I'd... I'd probably go crazy. Maybe Rei could stop me, but... I almost... when she got sucked into this... wormhole Angel, and I thought she might be gone? I... it was bad."
"Rei said later I was... acting like Father. Cold and... not there."
Shinji hunches in on himself a bit. "I don't want to be him."
"I hate him."
Shinji doesn't say anything.
He just reaches out and holds his other self's hand.
Shinji bursts out something halfway between a laugh and a sob. "Heh... it....this is kind of how Asuka and I got together. Because we understood each other." He tries to smile.
"Asuka..." Shinji mutters, frankly not that surprised, "...good luck with that."
"I don't think I could handle it."
His smile is a little steadier now. "I don't think I could live without it anymore. She's... my heart. I mean, I love Rei too, but... Asuka understands me, and vice versa. Once we.... just
talked it was... like the sun rising."
"I...think I can understand. Maybe if things were different. I mean, I'm definitely attracted to Asuka. But...I only love Rei."
He laughs again, a little ruefully.. "I can... see it too. If Asuka had never come, or something? But... I like what we have. Um... Rei loves us. Both."
Shinji blinks. "Both?"
Shinji #1 scratches the back of his head. "Um... She... kind of fell in love with us both. She told us after the 14th Angel. We... kind of love her back, but... Asuka and I don't think we could... all handle it, and Rei hasn't pressed. She just likes... being around us."
"So... I'm
with Asuka, but I'd do anything for either of them."
"But aren't they like..." Shinji makes a windmilling motion with his fists.
"Not... anymore. They used to be, yeah, but... Um... right after Asuka and I got together, Asuka decided she was going to... um... help Rei shop for more...'girly' clothes. When we went to Rei's apartment, and Asuka saw what it was like, she flipped out, and demanded Misato move her in next to us. That made Rei... start to look at Asuka as not so much a... rival."
"...there was also ....the drugs."
"Father and Doctor Akagi were drugging her, to keep her numb and obedient. Asuka convinced her to stop taking them."
"That's...weird. Nothing like that ever happened."
"Rei is quiet and she doesn't always know how to express hereself, but she's never been numb."
"I think your world might be nicer..."
Shinji looks around the small kitchen.
"Maybe," he concedes. "When Rei and Asuka moved in with us, we got a whole inn to ourselves."
Shinji #1 blinks. "A whole... inn? What?"
"Misato-san can barely afford this apartment."
"i think NERV pays for it. We needed a larger place. This apartment is too small for four people, and it's definitely too small for six."
"It's...nice."
"Six? I...how? We're only up to the Fifth Child here, and Kaworu-kun and Rei still live in their own places." He pauses. "Actually, I'm not sure where Kaworu-kun lives, but it's nearby. Rei lives next door."
"Kaworu, yes. The other one is Mari. Kaworu's probably told you about her."
"....who?"
"Kaworu-kun's been... kind of tight lipped about Germany, actually."
"Just that he likes it here a lot more. And Asuka says she never saw him there before she left, so... we're curious."
"She's an old friend of his. I'm sure he's happy to see her again. Even if it's just another version."
"Huh... he's never mentioned her here. Or anything about his past, really. He... talks to Rei more than us, but he's been a good friend. He taught Rei the violin in just a few weeks!"
"Huh. She didn't learn that fast when I tried it."
"Rei is... kind of weird. She can learn
really fast when she focuses."
"How is Rei? And Kaworu? How are they...dealing with everything?"
"Everything? Um... well, the last Angel...attacked their minds. They...screamed a lot. I don't honestly know. They... haven't talked about it yet." He fiddles with his now empty teacup and pushes it away.
"I hope they'll be ok."
Shinji sucks in air through his teeth and shakes his head.
"What about you? How are you doing? In general?"
Shinji gives a black laugh. "I'm in love, I protect my friends and the whole world doing a job I kind of hate, and I sort of want to punch my father in the face until he has no teeth left. Same for you?"
"Yeah. But it's more like...do you feel that things are...getting harder?"
"Threatening to become overwhelming, maybe?"
"The Angels? I... kind of? The last two were... hard. Rei would have died against the 14th if Asuka and I hadn't hijacked Unit-03 to help her."
"The Angels...SEELE...everything. I want to protect my friends...but I don't know if I can.
"Misato always says I shouldn't try to carry that burden, but I can't just sit back and hope."
"Oh... um... yeah."
"I... I know I'm... I couldn't do this without Asuka and Rei. They... count on me. And Misato... she... she and Kaji say they're digging into the SEELE thing. I... talk to Mother, I guess."
"She's... incredibly smart. Even more than Asuka. So... I talk to her a bit. It's just...hard to keep 2nd Impact far from my mind, though."
"Don't you... talk to your Rei?"
"All the time. And all the others too."
"We used to have so many barriers between us...and now we have so few."
"And I think we're all scared."
Shinji smiles wanly. "Well, we are kind of doing that whole 'defenders of the Earth' thing. Just a little pressure."
"I don't even want to think what we'd be like if we didn't have each other to lean on. I'd be 90% crazy or something."
Shinji nods emphatically.
"It's just that...an Angel showed me what happens when a hundred people who love and trust each other charge a machine gun."
"Talking is important...but it's not enough."
He nods. "I know. But it gives me the strength to keep going. The rest... All I can do is Pilot, and protect my friends. Misato-san and Kaji-san do the... spy stuff. They say they're trying to come up with a plan to deal with SEELE but..." he shrugs. "I'm just a Pilot. What else can I do?"
"Mother... said she put herself in Unit-01 to... make sure she was there. When SEELE tries their...thing. She says she's going to... help me stop it, if it gets that far."
Shinji looks like he wants to say something, but stops himself and nods instead.
"What? You...you had something?"
"It's nothing. Just...thinking about how fragile the world is."
"I know we're not a hundred percent doomed, but I really wish the number was closer to zero."
"Yeah. And that it didn't come down to
us and our friends to save it. I... really don't feel like the hero that's going to save the world. I feel like... like a man facing 7 tigers with 6 bullets."
"And the tigers are on fire."
Shinji guffaws.
"Right. That's it exactly."
"Funny how we're... so alike, but not." He smiles a little. "I'm glad to have met you. It's... weirdly comforting."
"Yeah. Talking to you...it reminds me of talking to Misato."
"Even if it doesn't change anything, I usually feel better."
"Does that make sense?"
Shinji smiles again, nodding. "She tries hard to... help us. Even when we had to...um... sleep separately, she gave us some leeway when out nightmares got bad. Asuka and I, I mean."
Shinji smiles back.
"She tried that on Rei and me."
"Tried?"
"Rei went to Father and got permission to sleep wherever she wants."
Shinji blinks. "....and that worked? Wait.... your Father knows?!"
"We try to hide...most things from him. But I'm not sure if we've actually hidden anything."
"Father's been playing this game for a very long time."
"I think he knows that we want to stop him. And he's buttering us up to get us to stick with him."
"That or lulling us into a false sense of security."
"....true. I...
hope he doesn't know about... um... a lot of things. Asuka and I. Rei being off the drugs... stuff like that."
"He...scares me."
"I... I'm terrified that if he finds out Rei isn't... listening to him anymore, he'll... do something to her."
"And if he does know...and he hasn't done anything...what is he going to do, and when?"
"That's what I'm scared of."
"Me too. I... if he tries to hurt Rei, or separate Asuka and I, I... don't know what I'll do."
"He... He's calling me in to see him, tomorrow. Over 'insubordination', because I ignored his order not to sortie against the last Angel. It was hurting Rei, and he wouldn't let me go to her. So I...asked Mother to help, and went anyway."
"He's calling me too. To see Mother."
"He's...not supposed to know that I know."
"...what the heck is
up with your father?"
"I don't know!" Shinji almost howls. "That's why I'm scared. The Angels are dangerous, but at least I can fight them. Father...I don't know what he's going to do, because he's smarter than me."
"....it's like looking in a mirror," Shinji #1 jokes weakly. "Yeah, I... I have no idea what to do if Father... does something. Maybe tell him I can talk to Mother, but... you can't even do that, can you?"
"I think he wants me to try. They're setting up special experiments. So...I doubt that will stop him."
"....be careful. I... Hikari got pulled in by her mother to protect her when an Angel infected her Eva, but... I don't know how it works. Mother's not... trying to pull me in or anything. We just talk."
"An Angel showed me my mother talking to me. I thought it was just an illusion, but now I'm scared...what if it was real? What if it actually got her to talk to me?"
"Try talking to her next time you're in Unit-01?"
"I wouldn't trust an Angel."
"All they do is try to kill us."
"I...yeah. I'll try."
"I need to get back to Unit 01 anyway."
"So I can go...fight my tigers."
"You're... not in it? Did you get fired too?"
"What? No, I meant..fired?"
"It's a long story. I'll make some more tea and tell you."
"I...yeah. I think I need to hear this."
*SCENE CLOSES*
