Good news, everyone!
You get an update!
Better news: How about
two updates?
This one hit nearly 4000 words, in two scenes. But the emotional whiplash would be high, so I'm splitting it up. One part tonight, the other in a day or three.
@DocMatoi, this is for you.
Here we go with part 1: Rei and Kaworu have a little... talk. 1900 words of Kaworu getting himself in trouble...
Art!
Chapter 9.16
Everything I Do...
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Shinji lowered his bow and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "That… was just about right. Alright, I need to go finish the last part. You be ok practicing with Kaworu-kun while I work, Rei?"
Rei lowered her own instrument and frowned slightly at the grey-haired boy. "I can practice with him, yes." Her tone of voice suggested low enthusiasm for the prospect, but she knew Shinji needed all the time he could to finish fashioning Asuka's present.
"We will be fine, Shinji-kun. We may take a break from practicing anyway. I have something I wanted to talk to Ayanami-san for a moment first," Kaworu said.
Rei looked at him warily. They hadn't spoken more than social greetings at school or the minimum necessary at the after school practices since the… incident at the park a few days ago. Nagisa continued to constantly wear the same vague smile he usually did, but had gained a distracted, almost confused look whenever his eyes drifted to Rei. His eyes were sad when that happened.
Shinji nodded, put away his cello, and went back to sitting at the kitchen table. He picked up his pencil and began scribbling industriously at the papers in front of him.
Kaworu watched him for a moment, then sighed. "How does he just… do that? Sit down and… create? I thought humans were unable to create something out of nothing. That they must have something to start with, because humans aren't gods. But he's just… doing it. Out of… just feeling for her. How…" Nagisa shook his head.
"If you are incapable of understanding love and how it can let us do the impossible, I pity you," Rei said coolly.
"But I
want to! And… it always feels like it's just beyond the edge of me comprehending it!" he whispered back. He gestured towards the partly open door behind them. "We should speak in here with the door closed. We need to discuss…" He made a little 'halo' gesture over his head.
Rei's frown deepened, but she nodded. She laid her viola aside and preceded him. He followed her in and closed the door to… what she realized a moment too late was her bedroom.
'The stupid Rainbow Trout is not the one I wanted to be 'the first boy in my bedroom',' she mentally growled. She turned to voice her displeasure at this, only to find him staring transfixed at something behind and above her. She looked over her shoulder, following his gaze.
She looked again.
She very calmly turned to the Adamite intruder standing in her bedroom and very, very calmly asked, "Kaworu Nagisa, are you staring fixedly at my
underwear?"
Nagisa tore his eye away from the neatly arranged pairs of white, red (a present from Asuka, one of her favorites), and powder blue panties and brassieres hanging from the drying ring on the far side of her futon, and locked eyes with Rei, his expression rapidly shifting from stunned amazement to petrified horror. "I was thinking of what you'd look like wearing them! It… It
helps! Please don't kill me!"
The expression of mild annoyance on Rei's face did not change, but the room began to rumble slightly.
"I mean it!" Kaworu protested. "Hear me out! This is what I wanted to talk to you about!"
The rumbling eased, though Rei's face remained alarmingly calm. "You have one minute."
Kaworu put his hand to his forehead like he was trying to massage a coherent argument out of it. "I… try to understand, you… you have no idea what the Call is truly like. It… it is like overpowering lust, a nagging sense of emptiness, and the aching desire to be loved, all at once. I feel… painfully aware of a deep, fundamental
incompleteness in my being, that can only be eased by uniting with my Progenitor. It is… It…" He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting to force the concept into words. "It is… not unlike what… The Second and Third Children seem to gain from each other."
"You will not touch them," Rei said icily. "Their light is not for you to disturb."
"I
know!" he hissed at her, suddenly vehement. "I know how much they mean to you! I can
see it! You
flare whenever you are near them! And it is glorious! You are
already disturbingly beautiful, and that only makes it worse! And… and… yet, better. That's… I was… when we were in the park, I noticed…"
"I
know what you noticed," Rei growled. "Get on with it."
"No, you
don't know! That's not what I'm talking about! I told you, I could not control those drives… they're too strong, too basic to the nature of my body! They… they are distracting. You are distracting. You, Shinji-kun, the Second, the Fourth… the girls at school. The boys at school. Swimsuits. Posters in the shops. The… Major Katsuragi's
car, even… They all… have caused my body to react, and… and… it is
distracting!"
Rei let her anger start to show on her face. "Yes, you've said that. That does not excuse or explain you staring at my underwear, especially after the par-"
"It blocks the Call!" Kaworu almost shouted at her. Rei took a step back.
He looked behind him at the door to the living room, assuring himself that his voice hadn't caught Shinji's attention before turning back to a stunned First Child. "I… the Call is a
burning need… constantly on my mind, whispering, pleading, pushing me to go down into the Geofront, seek my source and unite with it… but when I'm… distracted… I don't hear it. Or at least, it's far, far easier to ignore. I… I was thinking about it when we came in here. When I saw your… your panties, I… I was… I suddenly had… all these images of… of what they'd look like on you. And… while that was happening, I didn't feel the Call!"
He abruptly sat down on the floor, not quite collapsing. "I don't want to be your enemy, Ayanami-san. I don't… I asked to speak to you about this because you're the only one who might understand what the Call is like, even from your end… and you're the only one I
can talk to about this. I cannot talk to SEELE, to Commander Ikari... or to the other Children… you know why. I have no wish to endanger them. And they do not know what we are."
He took some deep breaths, visibly trying to steady himself. "So when I am… 'distracted' by you, it… helps. That is what I meant by it. And… being around you and the other Children is… You have no idea how much of the Call is that loneliness. That constant, pounding awareness
every second that I am a Child of the White Moon, not like anyone else on this world. That I am
alone, and doomed to kill everyone I know wiping out everything else here in favor of my template, or to die myself in the attempt." He looked up at her with that same smile he always wore… but for the first time Rei could see the hollow ache behind it. "I feel less alone when I am with you, and the others. It helps."
"I sought refuge in music before now. But… practicing with you and Shinji-kun… it is something even more… freeing. So… I...er… I wanted to ask you to… help me. I… still
want to… complete my mission. But I am not sure if I
should want to. I… want to be able to
choose, not just… obey my nature."
"I am less than favorably inclined to 'help', when you might still choose to try to end the world of my loves," Rei said darkly. "I will still destroy you the moment you try such a move."
"But by doing so you can help sway me away from making that choice," Kaworu pointed out.
Rei glowered at him. "By letting you stare at my underwear or my body? Asuka has taught me what it implies when a girl does that for a boy. I am fortunate Kensuke is such a gentleman, or I could have made a serious error in my early experiments."
Kaworu perked up. "Ah, so you have already done this for Aida-san? That means I have a chance of similar treatment? May I see them now?"
Rei's glare intensified. "Congratulations, stupid fish. I now wish to destroy you for reasons unrelated to you being an Angel." She swung her arm up… and lightly bopped him on the head. "But I will restrain myself, for now, and consider your idea. I have been cautioned against further such public incidents as the park, but do not think this means I will not rebuke you as needed."
Kaworu touched his head where she'd bopped him. "And… companionship? With you and the others? You must know what the loneliness is like. You are… much like me, in that way. In several ways."
"And unlike in others, Rainbow Trout. But…" Rei gritted her teeth. "Grrr… You are a threat just by living, a stupid fish, and unworthy of what you ask… but my friends did the same for me, and my world is impossibly better because of it. I will consider it." She whipped a finger up to point right in his face. "I will
not, however, be giving you free looks at me or my underwear for your 'distraction'. We'll… find you a girlfriend or something. One of that flock of irritating hangers-on you seem to attract at school or someone. Not me."
"Why not?" Kaworu seemed honestly puzzled. "We already know each other, we are fellow Pilots, and I find you highly sexually attractive."
Rei stared at him, mouth open. "You… you are… you did
not just… did you just try to
ask me out?"
"....I think so? Is that a no? I am unsure how this works. How did Aida-san approach you about this?"
"Not like this!" Rei shot back. "And I approached him! You, you
stupid fish! I am ready and willing to kill you at any moment! You want to
date me? Are you crazy?"
Kaworu's smile took on a slightly more genuinely cheerful edge. "I'm going to die anyway, Ayanami-san. Might as well be the more pleasant way than waiting until existential angst and the Call decide it for me."
"You consider
me a more pleasant way to die?" Rei put her right hand to her face. "
When I am able to tell this to Asuka, I think she is going to lose bladder control from laughter."
"So that's not a no?"
"Do not push your luck, stupid fish. I will consider it. But only because of my loves." Rei pushed past him and opened the door. She tried to ignore how he stiffened and went wide-eyed from even that brief contact. Her own AT-Field buzzed like a live wire from the brush. "Stupid fish," she muttered as she walked back to her viola.
'This is not precisely the ally I was thinking of.'
"Get back out here and let us return to practice, Nagisa-san. Stop staring at my… things," she said over her shoulder.
"As you-" he began cheerfully.
She turned and gave him her best Asuka-coached death glare.
He quailed. "...um, say."
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