Where do you draw the line between the two? I could very well imagine Shinji going snap and subjecting Gendo to something hard, violent, brutal and messy that would appear as sadism to the objective viewer, while still being completely explainable by anger and the aforementioned snap.
Some, but not all, of the reasons people use torture is to get information or because you want to and derive some sort of pleasure from it. Might or might not be sexual pleasure.
If Shinji snaps I see him ending Gendos life as brutal and fast as possible. What tools he uses, fists, blades or firearms, determines the level of pain and how long it takes.
.....oh. Ohhhhhhhh..... I just thought of something... something terrible. Ohh... so much blood.....
...oh, that's even better... All Hail the Bastard King....
Oh man, that's why I like you so much! Terrible things are good.
I distinguish terrible things from dark things, though, dark things being rape; severe emotional abuse, such as driving someone to insanity; gruesome, gory murder; things like that.
Oh wait. There are such things in Evangelion.
As long as it's canon, I don't mind.
.....oh. Ohhhhhhhh..... I just thought of something... something terrible. Ohh... so much blood.....
...oh, that's even better... All Hail the Bastard King....
Some, but not all, of the reasons people use torture is to get information or because you want to and derive some sort of pleasure from it. Might or might not be sexual pleasure.
If Shinji snaps I see him ending Gendos life as brutal and fast as possible. What tools he uses, fists, blades or firearms, determines the level of pain and how long it takes.
You forget one thing: Vengeance. If pushed too far, some people can develop a nasty streak of sadism toward the perpetrator.
And if a loved is severely hurt or even killed, they will go to extraordinary lengths to inflict as much suffering as possible on the one they deem responsible.
The thing that makes Shinji forgiving Gendo in most fics bearable is that those same fics usually put Shinji in much the same place as Gendo - losing, or at risk of losing, the most important person in his life and willing to do anything to get them back.
My personal headcanon is that what makes Shinji and Gendo different is that Shinji has much more ability to sympathise or empathise with others and a moral compass. In fact, that's pretty much the reason why I would see him confronting Gendo without giving him the reason if the latter attempts to lecture him into the typical were not so different approach.
Speaking from my... personal experiences, the idea of Shinji genuinely writing Gendo off completely doesn't seem to quite fit. If, hypothetically, one's parent had done... some shit, then , hypothetically, one might ostensibly cut themselves off from the parent, swear off all further contact, hypothetically, profess loudly for all to hear of this and, hypothetically, tell oneself that that was it. That was the end. Hypothetically.
But that isn't what actually happens, hypothetically. When things change, when the parent, hypothetically, reaches out and expresses remorse and affection... the self-taught construction, hypothetically, shatters. One's own better judgement is ignored. Because these matters are never that simple.
You forget one thing: Vengeance. If pushed too far, some people can develop a nasty streak of sadism toward the perpetrator.
And if a loved is severely hurt or even killed, they will go to extraordinary lengths to inflict as much suffering as possible on the one they deem responsible.
It might also depend on how soon Shinji can get his hands on Gendo. If, lets say, Shinji can get to Gendo within minutes to hours of the incident, then I would say it would be a fast death.
However if Shinji is denied his vengeance for months or years, it might twist and eat at Shinji. Then I would see Shinji developing a nasty streak of sadism towards Gendo.
My personal headcanon is that what makes Shinji and Gendo different is that Shinji has much more ability to sympathise or empathise with others and a moral compass. In fact, that's pretty much the reason why I would see him confronting Gendo without giving him the reason if the latter attempts to lecture him into the typical were not so different approach.
Unlike Gendo, who only had Yui, Shinji is able to connect with multiple people. So even if Asuka died, as long as Shinji has a network of friends, such as Misato and Rei, I can see him not following down Gendos path. Doubly so if Shinji had children with Asuka.
If I had to give Shinji a theme song, it would be Father of Mine by Everclear. This specific section of the song would show the clear difference between Shinji and Gendo
"Now I'm a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear, I'll never let her know
All the pain I have known"
My personal headcanon is that what makes Shinji and Gendo different is that Shinji has much more ability to sympathise or empathise with others and a moral compass. In fact, that's pretty much the reason why I would see him confronting Gendo without giving him the reason if the latter attempts to lecture him into the typical were not so different approach.
I can't seem to find any indication that Gendo played a part in Second Impact in canon, but the fact that he drank SEELE's Kool-Aid even before Yui's Contact Experiment means you're probably right.
Edit: The EvaGeeks summary of Episode 21 says Gendo left Antarctica the day before Second Impact occurred. Definitely suspicious, but it could just be the case that he was warned that shit would go down.
I can't seem to find any indication that Gendo played a part in Second Impact in canon, but the fact that he drank SEELE's Kool-Aid even before Yui's Contact Experiment means you're probably right.
Speaking from my... personal experiences, the idea of Shinji genuinely writing Gendo off completely doesn't seem to quite fit. If, hypothetically, ones parent had done... some shit, then , hypothetically, one might ostensibly cut themselves off from the parent, swear off all further contact, hypothetically, profess loudly for all to hear of this and, hypothetically, tell oneself that that was it. That was the end. Hypothetically.
But that isn't what actually happens, hypothetically. When things change, when the parent, hypothetically, reaches out and expresses remorse and affection... the self-taught construction, hypothetically, shatters. One's own better judgement is ignored. Because these matters are never that simple.
Hypothetically speaking, you are correct.
I've witnessed an emotionally abused person. They develop a so-called 'Stockholm syndrome', empathising with their abuser. They do everything they can to earn the abuser's gratitude, approval, or anything of the sort.
It is very, very disgusting and very painful to watch. I barely managed to drag such person from this relationship.
I have later engaged into a relationship with said person, and it was a bad idea. We parted on some really gruesome terms, and I still blame myself for that incident.
My shrink told me I'm not to blame myself, but hey... I can't even say 'forgive me' to them. They're dead.
That sounds likely, but Fuyutsuki did suspect that Gendo approached Yui because of her connections to SEELE. Still, it can't be denied that his love for her was genocidally genuine, so it was probably Fuyutsuki's jealousy speaking.
*lighting up a cigarette, pouring myself a shot*
I guess I'm gonna stop posting tonight, until I'm coherent.
I've barely managed to type this post, half-blind from intoxication. And that's saying something, considering where I'm from (hello Stryp and Englanderish).
The thing that makes Shinji forgiving Gendo in most fics bearable is that those same fics usually put Shinji in much the same place as Gendo - losing, or at risk of losing, the most important person in his life and willing to do anything to get them back.
Gendo had barely a second to stand ready before Shinji grabbed him by the uniform front and shouted in his face. "What the Hell are you doing here?!"
"Keeping my promise," Gendo said levelly. "I said I'd find a way to atone. If submitting myself to the same treatment I put you and Rei through aids that, I will do it. I stayed out of sight because I know my mere presence causes you both pain." He looked at Asuka for a moment, then back to Shinji, whose face was still just inches from his own. "I think you understand now, how powerful the desire can be to do whatever you have to just to stay by the side of the one who makes your whole world right. Don't you?"
"I'll never do the kind of things you did. I've made sure of it. She won't let me be like you," Shinji grated. "I'm not you. I will neverbe you."
"Your mother agrees, but I think you are enough that you can still understand why. And that means you can understand how badly I want to earn your forgiveness, so that I might earn your mother's. You know that means everything to me."
Shinji's face was still a mask of anger. "Father--"
If I had to give Shinji a theme song, it would be Father of Mine by Everclear. This specific section of the song would show the clear difference between Shinji and Gendo
"Now I'm a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear, I'll never let her know
All the pain I have known"
I can't seem to find any indication that Gendo played a part in Second Impact in canon, but the fact that he drank SEELE's Kool-Aid even before Yui's Contact Experiment means you're probably right.
Edit: The EvaGeeks summary of Episode 21 says Gendo left Antarctica the day before Second Impact occurred. Definitely suspicious, but it could just be the case that he was warned that shit would go down.
It was very much a deliberate move, and Fuyutsuki calls him on it later. Gendo didn't just leave the day before by accident: He left the day before on orders, knowing what was about to happen, with samples and copies of all the Katsuragi Expedition research as a backup.
A lot of people forget that Gendo was knowingly complicit in a conspiracy to commit three billionmurders.
Fark it. I'm tired, the next scene isn't coming to me, and I've made you all wait long enough. Here's 3400 words of teasing, drama bombshells, innuendo, and Kaworu running into the limits of what he is.
"And place in the oven for 25 minutes at 180 degrees," Asuka read out from the cookbook as Hikari set the dial.
"Done." Hikari turned back to her friend and gave her a mildly accusing look. "So you and Ikari-kun were trying to nudge Touji and I together to distract us?"
Asuka's smile was unrepentant. "Yes, we were, and it worked. I know just how distracting falling in love can be. And honestly, at the beginning I was seriously scared of anyone catching wind of us and... well, leading to anything that might separate my dearest baka and I. Can you blame me?"
"If I wasn't so happy that Touji and I are actually together now, I might!" Hikari grumbled lightly. She soon dropped the attempt at a glower and smiled back. "It is pretty distracting. He and I were thinking of thanking you by trying to nudge you two together, actually," she giggled.
Asuka grinned. "You're my friend, Hikari. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't already have a good idea how you two felt about each other. It was not exactly hard to see you had a crush on that big block of beef."
Hikari blushed.
"And once Shinji told me that despite Touji's 'manly' complaints about you being a "pigtailed tyrant" in the classroom, he kept staring at you when he thought no one was looking, well,... I laughed at the two of you dancing around each other, mutually attracted but afraid to say anything... and Shinji just gave me this look." She laughed. "So it felt alright to give you two a hand. I know how incredibly better and happier I felt once Shinji and I started communicating and...ah, doing the other stuff," she coughed into her hand, "So I wanted my best friend to feel that way too. Since you and Touji were acting like Shinji and I, I was pretty sure it would work out in a similar manner."
Asuka's smile got warmer as her gaze drifted in the direction of the wall their residence shared with Rei's apartment. "I used to feel alone. My father and step-mother were never very good at affection, and I never really had any peers or people I'd let close. You've got your dad and your sisters, so you never were quite as lonely as I was, but… Shinji loves me. That's the best part of it all. I don't fear I'll be alone anymore. No matter what, I've got him. Helping you two find that feeling too felt…good."
Asuka's face got a little grimmer and her smile faded. "And… this is a dangerous job. All of us could have died in action multiple times already. So holding back or 'waiting until you're older' seems… not the right way. It's not just 'eat, drink, and be merry'. It's… I feel… no, I know I'm stronger and better in a fight now that I know I'll always have Shinji with me, backing me up, and being there at night. Being together makes the myriad stresses of being an Eva Pilot a lot easier to bear than alone."
"You didn't know I'd end up as the Fourth Child when you started your little sneaky plot, but point taken," Hikari conceded. "And…" She swallowed. "Asuka… what are we going to do about… our mothers? I… I can't even sit in Unit-03 and try to talk to her as long as I'm off the 'active duty' roster. Nagisa-san is a nice enough person, but… I want my Evangelion back, even if just to try talking to her."
Asuka shook her head. "I don't know. But be very, very quiet about it. They never told me in ten years of being a Pilot, and they had to know I'd have done anything to be able to talk to Mama again, so this is stuff they don't want anyone to know at all. It's nearly a miracle that we figured it out. Just… I don't know. They're supposed to have Unit-02 repaired enough for me to reactivate it in a few more days. I'll try…" Asuka had to pause and take a calming breath. "I'll try talking to Mama, and see what happens. They've got to let you back in Unit-03 at some point. And your mother answered when we tried, so…"
Hikari looked down at her tightly clenched hands. "Should… should we try telling Nagisa-san? See if he can talk to her for me?"
Asuka shook her head again much more sharply. "No way. He's… we don't know him at all, and he's just appeared out of nowhere from NERV Berlin, when he wasn't there when I left five months ago? I don't trust him, have no reason to trust him, and plenty of reasons not to. He could be working for that 'Human Instrumentality Committee' I had to talk to, or… anyone. Don't mention any of it to him."
Hikari had just opened her mouth to reply when the front door opened. "I'm home," Rei said softly from the entrance hallway.
Asuka's smile returned at full power. "Welcome home, Rei! Come join us! We're cooking!"
Rei came around the corner into the kitchen area with one of her now familiar small smiles on her face. Her smooth curve towards Asuka checked into a halt almost smoothly enough that you wouldn't notice. Asuka noted Rei's hand twitch like she'd been about to raise it for a hug, however. Her greeting smile at Rei was just a notch higher once she did. "A bit surprised to see you, Rei. I thought you'd be working on my mysterious present with Shinji all afternoon, like the last two days."
"While I am reluctant to leave Shinji alone with the Fifth Child, lest he become… impertinent," Rei replied, "I also miss spending time with you. So I have determined to spend at least one afternoon a week in your company. As time-demanding as Shinji's idea is, I do not simply want to give up on seeing my other friends as well for the next two weeks."
"So mysterious indeed about this present," Hikari said. "And why would you worry about the new Pilot being um… 'impertinent' with Ikari-kun?"
Rei very slightly pursed her lips. "He is… he is… bad at personal space and respecting boundaries," Rei finally managed in a tight voice.
Hikari looked surprised. "Did… he try something fresh with you? Is that why you slapped him the day he transferred in?" She looked even more puzzled. "And now you're worried he'll… hit on Ikari-kun?"
Asuka gave Rei a funny look. "Rei, tell me that's not what you're worried about. The new fish was a little strange, but I didn't think he'd try anything that dumb. He knows Shinji and I are a thing, right? And that I might feed him his own arm if he bothers my boyfriend?"
"He is very aware you and Shinji are a couple, yes," Rei said. "But for some reason this only makes him more fascinated with him and you. I have warned him not to do anything I would not approve of while he and Shinji are alone."
"You don't think he'll actually do anything, do you, Rei?" Hikari asked.
"No, I do not. I still do not like him." Rei dismissed him with a wave. "So, we are cooking?"
"Yup! I'm not going to let my dear baka totally take over our kitchen, no matter how much an emerging gourmet chef he's becoming," Asuka declared. "Plus, I want to see his face melt over something I made for him instead of the reverse next time. Can't let him get too far ahead on the 'making your lover turn into a happy puddle' scoreboard. He's far enough ahead on that one already. He's a good cuddle," she finished with smug pride.
Both Hikari and Rei looked envious. "So… what's getting to… to go to bed together like?" Hikari said, blushing. "I... I mean... Touji and I haven't gone nearly as far as you, b-but my father seemed to like him, and Kodama kept teasing him all through dinner about how cute a couple we were and... um..."
"You've got your own boytoy, find out for yourself!" Asuka replied with a grin. "I think you'll like it."
"Shinji does give good hugs," Rei mumbled, a little pink herself.
"Oh my my~, Rei! Did you ask Asuka's permission first?" Misato said from the front hallway. She appeared at the door to the dining area, grinning. "I'm home!"
"Welcome home, Misato. Yes, she asked permission first. She needed a hug. I gave her one too," Asuka said dryly. "You're home early," she noted.
"I'm ahead enough on the paperwork for once I can afford it. Kaji's taking me out tonight. And I had a piece of news I figured you'd want to hear right away, so I decided it was time to call it a day," the curvy Major said as she got a beer from the fridge. Her smile faded to a bit more serious look as she turned around and popped it open. She took a sip, and announced, "Unit-02's repairs are done. They're ready for the reactivation test."
The other girls turned to Asuka, who'd gone blank. "When?" she asked, her voice tight.
"1530, tomorrow afternoon."
"…Mama," Asuka whispered.
+++
Kaworu wiped at the sweat on his forehead, his eyes still closed and a sublime smile on his face. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. That was… most pleasant."
"Y-you're welcome, Kaworu-kun," Shinji blushed a bit. "I've n-never done that with anyone before but Asuka."
"That was better than I'd hoped. I would like to do this with you more often," the Fifth Child said almost breathily.
"I… I th-think Asuka would say that's her job. She might get upset at you trying to take that from her," Shinji said carefully.
Kaworu considered this. "Maybe we could do it while she watches? Give her a chance to rest between rounds?"
"What about me?"
Kaworu smiled. "You don't need to rest, Shinji-kun! You have amazing stamina for this!"
The praise only made Shinji blush further. He lowered his bow. "I've just had a lot of practice." He stood up and leaned his cello against its stand. "But I really do need to stop, as nice as our duet was. I need every bit of time to work on Asuka's present." He stood up and stretched.
"You two are... fascinating to observe," Kaworu said. Shinji blushed and ducked his head. "You are not at all the person I expected to meet, Shinji Ikari."
"Eh?" Shinji looked puzzled by the comment. "What do you mean? You knew my name before you came here? You expected to meet me? How?"
"Everyone knows your name. Are you really unaware of your position? You are the famous Third Child. I began reading about you soon after reports of your battles with the Third Angel and the others reached NERV Berlin. But from everything I read, I expected to meet someone... alone, aching, a pure heart of glass, so fragile and clear... but... you are not like that. You... you and the Second Child, you almost glow together," Kaworu said meditatively. "Even now, when she's not here, I can see you both reaching for each other."
Shinji glanced at the wall between Rei's apartment and Misato's. "I know she's there. It's... it's amazing, that feeling. Knowing she's there... I mean, not that she's in Misato-san's apartment, but that she's... um... there, for me or... um." Shinji sighed. "I don't even know how to say it. But we... it's like I've found the other half of me. Like I'll never feel alone again, even when she's not next to me. I always know she's... here." He touched his chest over his heart.
When he opened his eyes again, he almost wanted to slink out of sight, Kaworu was staring at him so intently. "Um... sorry. We've had to hide our being together for so long, I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it before. It's... a really intense feeling, like... like a slow-motion fire."
"I...see..." Kaworu said softly. "It is...fascinating. You... love is nothing like what I expected. I thought I would meet someone full of pain and loneliness... but together you two have found ways to heal that pain, to close the wounds in your hearts, thanks to each other. I cannot wait to see you two perform a duet."
Shinji didn't know what to make of this. "Um... thank you. I... maybe during her party, we might play. No time before then, I don't think." He put his cello in its case and closed it. "I should get back to work on her present, in fact."
Shinji walked over to Rei's dining room table and sat down, an array of paper, pencils, and erasers already in front of him. Kaworu sat down across from him as he picked up the pencil and stared hard at the sheets. Silence reigned for a bit. Kaworu raptly watched Shinji start carefully writing, stop, erase a bit, redo...
"I... wish I could do that."
Shinji looked up. "Mm?"
"What you're doing. I... cannot," Kaworu said, regret in his voice. Or... almost mournfully?
"I... anyone can, Kaworu-kun. Even I didn't just spring to life able to do this. It takes time and work."
Kaworu shook his head. "I... cannot create, not like you. I do not have that... in me."
"You play the violin with pretty good passion, though?"
"Passion, perhaps. But I can only reproduce the work of others. Not... make something new, just from your own mind, just because you wish to." He pulled one of the sheets Shinji had already put to his left closer to him and stared at it. "It is... sublime. I sometimes feel I am on the edge of understanding something profound when I try, but... I am missing something vital that puts it forever beyond my grasp."
"Maybe it will come with time. How long have you been playing?"
"About five months," Kaworu said with the ghost of a smile.
"You're very good for five months. I wonder if us being Children has something to do with it. Asuka has gotten pretty good since she picked it back up again after a couple of years without playing, and Rei is..." Shinji shook his head. "It's almost scary how fast she's getting better. I don't think you've had to show her anything more than once."
Kaworu's smile was less forced now. "I am happy she learns so fast, too. And when her hands are full of viola, she cannot slap me." He almost chuckled.
"Er... why did she slap you that first day?" Shinji suddenly looked awkward as what he'd asked sank in. "Um... if you don't mind me asking."
"Oh, it is quite alright. I... did not understand how much you and the Second Child were together, and made some remarks that Ayanami-san did not like about... your love. So she became angry." He touched his cheek in memory. "I did not realize how much she cares about you both, either. I should apologize to her, later. I apologize to you and the Second Child, too. Hearing you speak of her and your bond today has been... illuminating in many ways. I should not have spoken of it so cavalierly that day. It is... far more than I ever thought."
"We um... Rei and Asuka and I... have um... been through a lot together," Shinji mumbled. "We care about each other a lot, since for a long time it was just us that we could rely on against the Angels. And... we found more in common than we'd thought. So... It just happened, how we came to feel for each other."
Kaworu just stared at him, almost hungrily. "I... even the few days I've been here have been so illuminating. Thank you, Shinji-kun. I very much wanted to meet you. I might have been born to come here, for this. To meet you."
Shinji blushed again and looked away. "I... I'm not that important. Asuka is a genius. Rei is braver than me. Even Horaki-san: She walked into this knowing how dangerous it is, and did it anyway, for her family and Touji."
"Didn't you?"
Shinji shrugged. "I... did it so my father..." Kaworu jumped as Shinji suddenly snarled the word. "Wouldn't force Rei to Pilot when she could barely move and was bleeding so much. I'm... I tried to run away, later. I'm just... not as good as the others."
"That's not the Shinji Ikari I read about in the reports. You don't see yourself how others see you."
"I'm not... that great."
Kaworu looked at him, a vague look of confusion on his face. "Does the Second Child think that?"
Shinji's shrunken, nervous look suddenly faded. "No... Asuka... I can believe I'm something better when I'm with her." He started to smile again.
"And you... always feel her with you, yes? So why the fear you are 'not that great'?" Kaworu asked.
Shinji scratched at the sheets for a moment before replying. "Because for most of my life I knew I was nothing, a no one that didn't deserve happiness. Now... she gives me hope that I am wrong. And every day together is... new. As long as I have her, I can... can...," he gestured at the sheets in front of him, "I can do this. I can fight Angels, protect everyone. I can do anything, for her. Make a new me, even."
"Love... and creation," Kaworu said. Shinji wasn't sure he was talking to him anymore. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. I cannot do what you are doing... but... maybe I do not know everything I can do."
"Love... and creation," Kaworu said. Shinji wasn't sure he was talking to him anymore. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. I cannot do what you are doing... but... maybe I do not know everything I can do."
Jeez, what an oldie. When did I first see that?
I think it was before youtube was a thing, and there was a AMV website you used to share them.
Looking at the quality, it was probably made from the Evangelion VHS copies.
Kaworu wiped at the sweat on his forehead, his eyes still closed and a sublime smile on his face. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. That was… most pleasant."
"Y-you're welcome, Kaworu-kun," Shinji blushed a bit. "I've n-never done that with anyone before but Asuka."
"That was better than I'd hoped. I would like to do this with you more often," the Fifth Child said almost breathily.
"I… I th-think Asuka would say that's her job. She might get upset at you trying to take that from her," Shinji said carefully.
Kaworu considered this. "Maybe we could do it while she watches? Give her a chance to rest between rounds?"
"What about me?"
Kaworu smiled. "You don't need to rest, Shinji-kun! You have amazing stamina for this!"
