Nah, you know what? It's time for an update.
Yes, a real one. I stayed up late when I could have been in a nice warm bed with
@LilithPrime, so I hope you all enjoy this. 2400 words of playing with a fish's mind.
@octobersanctuary,
@Glitchrr36, @memoriesofglory,
@Sucal,
@Dion,
@Naughtilus,
@ComradeH, this is for you.
Art?
Chapter 10.9
Choices and Sacrifices
+++
"Shinji, Asuka… may I ask a favor?"
Shinji exchanged a sidelong look with Asuka as he lowered his bow after the end of their latest piece. Playing together had been remarkably easy, like they'd been doing it for weeks. "Of course, Rei. Anything," he replied.
Rei put her viola away before answering. "Could you both… wait in the kitchen for a while? I… wish to discuss something with Nagisa that relates to the… matters we cannot mention to you yet. But Commander Ikari and his watchers believe Nagisa and I to be bitter enemies. I do not want the Commander to realize we are allies and friends now. He would likely take action against both of us. He would notice if we spent time alone together. But as long as you are here, our being together can be passed off as you two acting as moderators," she said, sounding both awkward and nervous. "He and I will withdraw to my room, and speak as briefly as possible. If… you do not mind acting as our cover?"
"Let me get this straight," Asuka said with a growing smirk. "You want us to go as far away as we can without leaving the apartment and not listen, while you and Rainbow Trout here go into your bedroom for a 'private conference'? Have I got that right?"
Rei flushed slightly. "Asuka, you know it is not like that." She hunched her shoulders defensively, managing to look like a child caught in a mildly naughty act. "We are… just friends."
"Of
course you are, Rei," Asuka assured her, smirk diminishing not a bit. "We'll just leave you alon-"
"Asuka…" Shinji gently chided her, prodding her in the side with a finger. "Be nice. Rei's still recovering from that fight. Kaworu-kun too."
Asuka pouted for a moment, but let her smile fade away into a more serious expression. "Aww, alright."
Shinji squeezed Rei's shoulder gently. "Of course, Rei. Take as much time as you need. We know whatever it is you're holding back must be important. We trust you, you know that." He looked at Kaworu. "And Kaworu-kun too. You say he's ok, and that's enough for us."
"And if she
does want something from you, Trout, you better do what she says," Asuka said to Kaworu, mock-sternly. "We'll cover for you, don't worry, Rei."
Rei closed her eyes. "Thank you."
Rei pinned the silent Fifth Child with her eyes. He's stood still and looked nervously stiff during the whole exchange. "Follow," she told him, heading for her room with her viola case.
He shot a nervous look at the retreating Second and Third Children before swallowing and falling in behind her.
Rei waved him into her room ahead of him, and closed the door behind herself once she'd followed him in. "I take it from your behavior and the state of your AT-Field that my gift to you was… effective?"
Kaworu had frozen solid once the door had clapped shut, going rigid as a statue staring at Rei's neatly made futon at his feet, and the silk robe hastily discarded across it. The sound of Rei's voice nearly made him jump. He spun in place, his eyes wide and face flushed red as he met her cool expression. "Y-yes! It… I… gaaaah!" His hands flew up to wildly worry at his temples. "It's all I can think about! Y-you are all over my mind! I nearly fell down and just kind of flopped around gurgling when you opened the door! How are you doing this to me?!"
"I am given to understand this is in fact a normal reaction to being given a box like that," Rei said calmly, only the faintest note of irony in her voice. "Welcome to the Lilim race."
"But I'm not!" he protested.
"Did you not tell me on the day we met that we had the same form? That we were alike?" Rei countered.
"But… I'm not! We may both be half-Lilim, half-Progenitor, but at least both your halves are Lilith-based! I am… different!"
Rei looked imperious, almost angry. "You are the Angel of Free Will, you told me. You
choose. You are my friend. You are not alone. Shinji and Asuka have done the impossible over and over. I have done it with them. We crushed the Angel of Might and ground him underfoot. We caught the Angel of the Sky and I broke his AT-Field to let Asuka kill it. You and I withstood Arael until Shinji, a 'mere' Lilim shielded us and Asuka slew it. You are Lilim too, more than enough to claim that as much as your heritage as your other side. You
are one of us. We fight
together, Kaworu Nagisa. And we will
win. Do you understand me, Kaworu?"
Despite himself, Kaworu nodded. That was the Rei Ayanami that so captivated him. The unyielding steel beneath the cool surface, the powerful, indomitable protective fury that had snarled defiance at him the day they met, swearing to protect those she cared about. And now that included him. "Thank you, Ayanami." His shoulders relaxed. He tried a small smile. "I did not know you were the ruling authority of who was admitted to the Lilim race."
"It is I, if anyone," Rei replied, firm authority still filling her voice. "I say you will fight and beat the Call, and stay my friend for years." She paused. "And how is the Call?"
Kaworu's smile was a little stronger. "I've never known it so distant. Your pictures are… more potent. At least for now, I am untroubled by it at all. Instead, I am subject to the call of you."
"Good," Rei declared. She hesitated. "...So, I looked good? I had never done anything like that before, but it felt like… I wanted Shinji and Asuka to see that side of me. Kensuke said I looked excellent, but I… would like your thoughts as well."
Kaworu's eyes glazed over for a moment. "Guh. Uh… um… yes. They were… were…" He began to sweat heavily, then turned around, putting his back to Rei. "They were nice!" he squeaked, sounding half strangled.
Rei eyed him, bemused by the sudden odd flares in his AT-Field. His Field
was in much better shape than it had been the night before, at least. "Kaworu? Are you… alright?"
"Just fine!" he rasped. "I'm just trying not to think about how you look naked and we're alone in your bedroom and your hugs are so nice and oh gods your underwear is still hanging on that rack overhead nnnnnnnnggg!" he said all in one breath.
"And you are facing away from me so I do not observe a reaction we both know is happening and is in fact the
point of why I gave you that box," Rei said dryly. "It is good to know that I am considered attractive by not just those who already like or love me."
"…I like you," Kaworu said, barely above a whisper. "Not… not just for your body. Because you give me hope. That this will not end like I have seen it end a thousand times, or like that Angel tried to show me. You believe I can win."
Rei put a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. "You will. I will not permit
any of my friends to fall. Not while there is anything I can do to protect them." She resolutely kept her eyes locked on his. "Now… I think we will repeat today's pattern for a while. The companionship and music are soothing and helpful to my healing, as I see to yours. And you will keep using that box as needed to keep your hopes up."
"Until?"
"Until you don't need to anymore. Hope is in your head, Kaworu. Not just that box."
He met her eyes for a while, then dropped his gaze to the side. "I am… very happy you are my friend, Ayanami. I… I… wish we did not have to hide. I truly would like to… ask you out again."
"If we did not have to hide… I would consider it, Kaworu. Now let us go see our friends who have been so kind to us both."
+++
Asuka's cheery smirk vanished as soon as the other two Children did. She quickly marched towards the kitchen table and sat down, fiddling with the handle of her violin case.
Shinji sat across from her, looking worried. "Asuka? What's wrong."
She sighed. "I wish it was that easy."
"What?"
"As much fun as teasing Rei about 'Oh my! Alone with a hot boy in your bedroom! Scandal!', I know perfectly well it's not what they're doing. I just wish it was."
Shinji's expression darkened too. "Oh… right."
"Whatever Rei and Kaworu still feel like they need to keep from us has to be some extremely serious Scheiße related to SEELE," Asuka said. "Something we are safer not knowing. And we've already seen how bad having to hide this from us makes Rei feel. So I'd rather tease Rei to keep her from feeling bad, even if I can't stop myself from trying to figure out what it might be." She fiddled with her violin case some more. "I… hate this. NERV, SEELE, all these damn secrets from the organizations that are supposed to be protecting the world from the Angels."
Shinji shivered a little at the reminder of what NERV and SEELE's true goals were, according to his mother. He shivered some more at the thought that he, Asuka, Misato, and their tiny circle of Pilots was apparently the only group with the knowledge to have a chance of stopping it. "It shouldn't be us. We shouldn't have to do this. Have the whole world depend on us not… slipping up even once, and Misato-san and Kaji-san finding out what to do. It's not fair."
Asuka shrugged, and tried a weak smile. "No, it's not. But if not for the Evas, we might not have met, baka mine. Or if you and I weren't in love, we wouldn't have been able to stop Zeruel thanks to your brilliant idea of hijacking Unit-03. Life isn't fair, but as long as we've got each other, we can hang on. We have to. Saving the world is our job, remember?"
"It shouldn't have to be," Shinji said lowly. "And you sound like you're trying to convince yourself." He smiled back, reaching for her hand, but the smile was gloomy.
"I am," she admitted. "If we hadn't been able to dual-synch in Unit-03, we'd… we never would have stopped Zeruel and…"
"We'd all be dead," Shinji finished. "The Angel would have k… killed Rei, smashed its way into Lilith's chamber, and we'd all be dead." He shook again. "It… it shouldn't be like this. The world shouldn't be saved only because you and I kissed! It shouldn't rely on… us."
Asuka's return grip was as tight as his. "I know. I… I'm…" Asuka looked at their hands. "I'm glad every day we're together, Shinji. I don't feel alone. And I hate it just like you do that everything seems to balance on us. I mean, on one hand it kind of stokes my ego a bit that we
are that vital to things, but… I'm scared, too. I don't know if I'd be… even able to pretend like this that it's all still just… some kind of adventure. I… I'd be… crumbling down."
Shinji's smile was a little wry now. "Hey, being depressed and mopey is my job, not yours."
Asuka's answering smile got a little stronger. "Anything you can do I can do better and hotter, Third Child."
"Cooking. Cello playing. Backrubs," he rebutted with a smirk.
"…ok, shut up. And I'll take one of those last when we get back to our room."
"I'm glad we're together too, Asuka. I'm just… scared that so much depends on us, and it only seems to be getting worse."
"We'll make it, Shinji. We have to. And if it's not fair, then we'll also make the world give us what we're owed."
He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. "I… wish I had your confidence, Asuka."
"You do, my dear baka. You've got all of me and vice versa. You make me strong. I just admitted to you I'm scared, remember? Just two more Angels, according to your mom, and then SEELE. We can do this. You and I are invincible together, right?"
"Just two more… We can make it," Shinji nodded.
"Just two more," Asuka nodded back. She looked up at the sound of the bedroom door opening and footsteps approaching. "Oh, hey Rei! You're done with Kaworu already?"
The blunette nodded. "Yes. I have decided not to kill him today," she said in her usual deadpan. Rei paused. "Asuka, this quartet session was beneficial to both Kaworu and I. It was quite soothing to the wounds the Angel inflicted on our minds. And it provides excellent cover for Kaworu and I to speak privately without Section 2 observing. May we repeat this daily for a while until he and I recover?"
"Anything you need, Rei. It was good for us too. And I'm all for giving you and Rainbow Trout here as much 'private time' as you want." She wiggled her eyebrows at them.
Rei pouted slightly. "Asuka…"
Behind her, Kaworu had gone stiff and his eyes slightly glazed. "Murble," he commented astutely.
"You have our blessing, Kaworu-kun," Shinji snarked. "Please treat her kindly."
"Eeegabble."
"Wow, Shinji, I think you broke him. Rei, what did you do to him?" Asuka grinned.
"I did not do anything! We just… talked."
Asuka covered her mouth. "Oh my! 'Just talked'? I know where that leads!" She got up and walked over to guide a still stunned Fifth Child towards the door. "I think we need to put him back in his apartment before he walks off a balcony without noticing. We'll see you for dinner, Rei. And of course we'll do this tomorrow, and as many days as you two need."
"Daily private time with Ayanami…" Kaworu mumbled, barely keeping a grip on his own violin case.
"I'll get started on that vegetable stir-fry for you, Rei. See you in a bit," Shinji said over his shoulder as he helped Asuka steer Kaworu out the door.
helps illustrate the point: the angels never question the world around them, unlike humans. Basically since Kaworu never ate the Fruit of Knowledge. He lacks the critical thinking and problem solving abilities humans take for granted, and cannot deal with unexpected situations easily.
helps illustrate the point: the angels never question the world around them, unlike humans. Basically since Kaworu never ate the Fruit of Knowledge. He lacks the critical thinking and problem solving abilities humans take for granted, and cannot deal with unexpected situations easily.
