Back into the Deep
The warm, bland tones of the corridor were the same as every other ship in it's class. A co-ordination of hues carefully chosen by Starfleet psychologists to be inoffensive to the broadest range of species possible.
Her heart raced in a brief flash of terror, but she clamped down on it. Don't let them see.
Why so cold?
Without pause she stepped though the door, letting her foot sink ever so slightly into the firm carpet that covered the deck.
There were people here. Starfleet officers and crew going about their business. Professional and courteous, they gave her respectful nods, and greetings. A young ensign, a Honiani she thought, gave her a warm smile as he passed.
She attempted to return the gesture. It felt like a stiff mask draped over her face.
She regulated her breathing, letting it flow smoothly in and out. Just like in the exercise she had been taught.
Calming thoughts. She could do this.
She walked past them. She could do this.
A knot of people worked at an open panel, arms deep in the maze of wires and machinery that lay below. One technician stepped to one side to let her through.
She did not to see the broken walls and torn metal. That was not here.
She could do this.
This is where you belong
She continued on, trying not to catch their eyes, trying not to see the faces.
The corridor ended in an intersection, one branch turned towards maintenance rooms and cargo storage, the other to the turbolifts. Her feet carried her towards them almost on muscle memory, a route walked a thousand times before.
In another time, another place.
She came to the lift door, reached out towards the call panel, and then... hesistated.
She didn't know how long she stood there. A second or two maybe? Too long.
A hand landed gently on her shoulder
"Are you alright Lieutenant?" The Amarki's rich voice resonated in her ears.
She couldn't fail. Not now.
A deep breath, and she pressed the button.
"I am fine Commander." She turned to face her companion. Forcing the mask of calm to stay in place.
"If it is too much we can leave now, the shuttle will not leave for another ten minutes." He was offering her a way out.
She could run, away from all this. Back to safety, back to the dirt.
No.
She could not give them that. She would not let them win.
"I am fine." She repeated.
The lifts doors slid open and she stepped inside.
You belong to me.
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The crew lounge was mostly empty when they entered, a few people hung around in alcove tables idly chatting with co-workers, or catching up on a meal.
Mid-shift, most of the crew would be at their duty posts, even with the ship docked at the station
A human couple at a nearby table shared at a private joke. One man rested a hand on his partner's shoulder as he laughed.
She did not see the bodies twisted together. She did not see the burnt flesh. That was not here.
"Are you sure." Commander Perieval asked again.
She felt a hot flash of irritation.
"Yes." She looked directly into his questioning gaze. "It's only a ship."
"Very well. Lets proceed." He gestured towards the end of the compartment.
We will always be together.
A lone uniformed figure stood gazing out of the wide transparisteel window at the planet below.
It was him.
She moved in that direction, with every step her feet began to feel like they were weighted with lead. She kept going.
This was it.
Months of preparation, all for this moment.
She stopped, mere paces away. The Commander coughed politely.
"Captain R'Cyo." The figure turned and regarded the two new comers with a warm expression. "I am Commander Pereival."
The captain nodded. "Ah, yes. Welcome Commander." The two men shook hands.
"Thank you for accepting this meeting sir. It means a lot to our program." Perieval gestured to her "May I introduce Lieutenant Shariss zh'Teylith."
The captain smiled. "Of course." He said, and extended his hand towards her. "Welcome to the Excalibur lieutenant."
Shariss looked at that offered palm. Now or never.
She took the hand and shook firmly.
Inside of me.
"Though perhaps," the Captain continued, "I should rather say 'welcome back'. It is an honour to have one of the original crew visit us. Rather fitting, I think, as we prepare to go back into the void."
The fine hairs on the back of Shariss' neck prickled.
You belong to me.
"Thank you sir, I am... thankful to be here." Indeed she had thought of nothing but this moment for a week.
"Please, come and sit." The captain gestured to a nearby table. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No, thank you." She replied.
"A glass of water would be fine." Said Perieval.
The captain beckoned a steward and relayed the order whilst Shariss and Perieval took their seats.
"I must admit I have been looking forward to meeting you lieutenant. I understand you the only member of the surviving crew that has chosen to remain in Starfleet?" He said after turning back to them.
"Uh.. yes sir." She said.
"Lieutenant Shariss was fortunately spared most of the experience within the pocket universe due to the circumstances of her direct contact with the anchor device." Commander Perieval commented.
She had slept for all those long un-years. A blessing perhaps.
Just her and the dreams.
We will always be together
The steward returned with the drink balanced on a tray. Perieval took his glass of water, and R'Cyo a steaming mug of orange liquid. Probably some Caitian drink.
The Captain's face took on a sombre aspect. "A terrible shame, so many good officers, lost to the service. Still given the experience they have endured... they cannot be blamed." He smiled at her again. "I've seen the after action reports, I can't imagine facing that kind of horror."
No, you can't.
The silence between them dragged a moment, as R'Cyo regarded with her curious expression. He continued. "I apologize for prying, but I am left wondering what has lead you to stay when so many of your comrades felt they could not."
The icy grip of terror lapped at her throat.
Inside of you.
No.
She had to.
"I.." She swallowed, and then started again. "Starfleet was always my dream growing up sir." She gestured to pale globe of Andor gently rotating below. "When I was young, I used to hike on the Zjehar glacier fields with my parents, and each night I would lie on the snow and stare up the stars. I dreamed of all the wondrous places that could be found out there. It's why I entered the Academy, why I punished myself to get rated for the Explorer corps, and fought to get picked for the Excalibur's five year mission."
"And even with all that you have seen, you still want to venture out again?" He pressed further.
Commander Perieval frowned, but kept silent. Instead sipping lightly from his glass.
I know there are dangers out here in the darkness, sir. Believe me I know that more than most. If I had..." She trailed off.
If she had what?
If she had seen the danger?
If she had taken action when she had the chance?
Would they all have lived happily ever after?
We will always be together
"I want to, I need to be back out here. What I have been through... maybe the next time I can use that for good, to stop another Vergara from happening." Shariss sighed slightly and cast her eyes downward. "More than that I can't give up on my dream, not for my sake sir. But for the others, those whose shared that dream and had it taken from them, and the people from Courageous who died getting us out. I owe them all a debt, and I can't give up on that."
Not ever.
Captain R'Cyo nodded."Well said Lieutenant. Personally, and on behalf of the whole crew of Excalibur I wish you well in your recovery. We've managed to get the old girl back together. Some scars still there, but healed over and stronger for it. From your words I am certain that you will do no less."
"I.." She stalled.
"Actually the Lieutenant has finished her treatment. This visit is the last part of the review for recertifying her for active duty." Commander Perieval explained.
R'Cyo's whiskers twitched and he raised a heavily furred eyebrow. "Really? Requiring her to revisit this ship after.. It seems overly harsh even for a psych eval board."
"The Lieu-"
"I requested it sir." Shariss interrupted quickly. She looked directly into the Captain's eyes. "When I said I wanted to be back here I meant it sir. I want to be here.
I know this is against procedure, but I want to request a posting aboard Excalibur."
That was it she had done it.
You belong to me.
The commander's eyes widened in shock. "Lieutenant!"
Shariss forged on. "I am a qualified security officer sir, explorer corps rated, and I've been taking all the refresher courses alongside my therapy sessions.
I can do this sir. Please just give me a chance."
She was doomed.
"Lieutenant, this is not appropriate." Perieval reprimanded "Captain, please accept my apologies. Obviously the Lieutenant still requires... "
The Captain held up a paw to interrupt, but focused his gaze on Shariss.
"This is highly unusual, and quite probably against some sort of Medical regs." His eyes flicked to the commander, and then back "However I feel the words you have spoken keenly, and it would seem... right to have you with us as we take this ship back out where it belongs.
I can't promise anything, but I will do my best to see it happen." He smiled again. "Now, how about the tour?"
We belong together
Shariss smiled.
For Eternity