Somewhere in Brockton Bay, there is a place. For most, it is of little importance. A certain wannabe Bond villain's former lair was purchased by another business concern, and use it as a place to do business. Not much is seen to go on, but the company pays its bills and taxes, and provides some nominal service which generates its revenue, and thus, all is well. The reality of the situation would blow nearly all of the US population's mind, except perhaps the inhabitants of the city itself, because to live in Brockton Bay is to live with weirdness every single day of the year.
The company consists of a pair of siblings. The idiomatic expression "Old as Dirt" literally applies to the pair, though one would phrase it much more politely in their presence, lest one of them be in a testy mood and decide you need to be freeze-dried / marinated / seasoned / seared and roasted, and served with a tasty sauce, some vegetables, and a fine wine. The other would try and explain to you why saying that was a bad idea, and Geas you with an epic quest for the insult.
Yes, dear reader, Bahamut and Tiamat are covertly in residence in Brockton Bay, New Hampshire. It gives them a mailing address, after all, that doesn't rely on magical couriers, pegasi with crossed eyes, and other similarly erratic and esoteric means of message delivery. And on occasion, that means screening their mail.
"By Asmodeus' greasy beard, there is a lot of junk in the mail," Tiamat's green head muttered whilst the red head disposed of the offending materials, burning it into a fine white ash.
"Some of it is amusing, though," Bahamut mused. "A few charities worth donating to, though some when I looked a little further into them appeared to be a means for illegal funds to be laundered." He shrugged. "I've let the human authorities know through various means."
Tiamat's black head, the one doing the talking right now, nodded. "It appears that our presence has had a few, unforeseen... consequences." Her voice had taken on dire undertones. At her brother's raised eye ridge, she handed over one such missive for him to read.
He read the short message. "Surely, you jest?"
"I don't. And don't call me Shirley." Tiamat's white head snarked.
"Television and Film are insidious," Bahamut grumbled.
"Doesn't stop you from watching Monty Python," Tiamat's blue head quipped.
"Alas, too true. Anyway, onto the first such letter. It appears the individual has had a bit of trouble. He mentions that it was rather difficult to write on a human sized sheet of paper as a dragon, before asking his questions. In order, they are: Why am I deserving of this, Will I be punished for using my powers for personal gain, and can you make my dog better behaved while you're at it?" The great platinum dragon cocked his head in confusion. "Where did the last come from?"
Tiamat looked at the letter in question. "Shall I answer?"
"Yes, please."
"Dear [redacted]:
To answer the first question would require me to go into an in-depth lecture about the nature of the universe, and why dragons exist in the first place. Suffice to say that you were found worthy by some powerful being's standards, and given a great gift.
Using your powers and abilities for personal gain isn't frowned upon – all dragons do, to some extent – but try to do as little harm as possible. The Military, Triumvirate, and Protectorate would appreciate it greatly.
Unfortunately, there is little I can do directly to help you with your dog. A recommended field of study for you would be the enchantment school of magics.
Best Regards,
Tiamat."
Bahamut chuckled a bit. "Nicely done, sister. I shall take the next one." One letter floated at his eye level for a moment. "This chap's a bit more serious than the first: How long do dragons live, do they really get more powerful as they grow older as tales say, and something and something about modern weapons." Bahamut scratched his chin. "Ah, yes. Kurya had a fair bit to say about dragons and the weaponry of this world. So…
"Dear [redacted]:
Salutations!
Dragons live a long time indeed. Even the least of dragons can, barring pesky adventurers, dark sorcery, natural disasters, and world-ending cataclysms, expect to live to see two millennia, some as many as four. This allows you to take the extremely long view, which can be handy in certain endeavors.
The tales are mostly correct; dragons do get more powerful as they get older. Some of the eldest are so powerful they can alter the fabric of reality by sheer willpower alone. They also tend to be the grumpiest and most irritable of dragons as well, so they aren't bothered much. Or, at least, no one survives to tell the tale.
Your form as a dragon should reflect your mental age and wisdom. As I understand things, the age you have in your letter would have you as a mature individual, meaning you would have, at least, two millennia ahead of you, possibly more.
To consider your next questions, I had to inquire of my servants of their experiences with the weapons and ills of this world. You should be highly resistant to nearly all forms of disease. There are a few dragon specific diseases, but as a whole, the worst thing you'll have to worry about is arthritis in your last millennia. Modern weapons become less of a concern the older you get. Your scales should be proof against most small weapons, such as those easily carried by one man. Weapons designed to pierce armor are always a problem, and you should be aware of such on the field as a general rule. I would recommend learning some form of ward against such projectiles.
Weapons that are powerful enough to remove sections of the terrain are best avoided.
Sincerely,
Bahamut."
"Fair answers to their inquiries," Tiamat's red head said, nodding. "Let us see what the next one says. Ah, this one is definitely one of yours, perhaps a mite young. What's the coolest spell I can learn, Some concern about watching people around him growing old while they endure, and the most entertaining way to practice their abilities."
"Entertaining for who is the question," Bahamut noted. "Let's see what answers you can come up with."
"Dear [redacted]:
Given that you only have your breed written down, but not an age, I must make a few assumptions. The first is that you are an adult, and since I am still a bit shaky on local slang and idioms, I'm afraid I must take the literal definition of 'Cool'. That being said, Ice Storm and Wall of Ice are the 'coolest' spells you could learn.
However, I am reminded by my brother that by 'cool', you may mean 'neat, awesome' or some other superlative. Is not simply being a dragon awesome enough? You can fly – an awesome ability of its own, inspire awe or terror, crush your enemies, drive them before you, and hear the lamentation of their villages when you're done! What's not awesome about that? Admittedly, I have a slight bias in this matter.
Unfortunately, each dragon must come to terms with having a shorter lived family, friends, and companions. There is no easy answer here. Some dragons have lived so long they have watched entire civilizations rise and fall. There are many ways that life can be extended, but they all have their price to pay. Accept the fact that everything is mortal, and enjoy every minute you can spend with your shorter-lived companions and family.
An answer to the last depends on whom you are entertaining; yourself, or those who are observing you? I'm sure many would find your pratfalls whilst learning how to do things dragons do would be entertaining to some. However, one of the assumptions I'm making is for your entertainment. That being said, what do you enjoy doing? Apply your new powers to that task, and see what you can do. Should the results offend, learn from your efforts, and then erase it from existence.
Tiamat."
"This one confuses me," Bahamut admitted. "Godly wisdom and intelligence notwithstanding, the matters discussed here are outside my ken." He looked at the letter once again. "I think this deals with a human bureaucracy, of which I have little tolerance. Hmm. I shall have to do research on the arcane matters discussed here. Perhaps Sonngrad knows a few things…"
"While you are getting some answers for your reply, I shall handle the next one. "Excellent, another chromatic. Eye problems, effects of breath weapons on materials, medical problems, alternate forms, and hatchlings!" Tiamat nearly squeed in delight.
"Dear [redacted]:
In my experience, you should have excellent eyesight in all light levels for your entire life. Your only worry will have to be the occasional marksman who may try to blind you. Amaru, the eldest green dragon still alive, recommends a pair of goggles made from several inches of steel, with Glassee applied, or tempered glass with Glasssteel. Likewise, most maladies should slink by you in fear, which is as it should be. Perhaps a bit of indigestion now and again, and some arthritis in later years.
Unfortunately, chromatic dragons' reputations are wholly deserved. Now that there are so few left, I do not expect any to do the whole 'rawr! Evil dragon rampage!' bit. That way lies death and ruin, even to ones like us. Make your own path, and let those who encounter you judge you own your own merits.
Dragons can eat anything, including things not normally considered edible by mortals. That being said, eating sentients and sophonts tends to rile the survivors up a bit, and there are usually far more of them than there are of you. There are plenty of large animals for meat besides humans, dwarves, elves, et alia, so I would recommend looking at some options along those lines. Invest in some real estate, and have servants raise your own! I know of one new dragon who has done exactly that. Two others go deep-sea fishing regularly, and the older of the two already has the respect of the local fisherman's guild.
Unfortunately, your breath weapon does leak out whilst you sleep. To that end, I would not keep any books in your sleeping chambers, likewise any electronics. An investment in air circulation and purification equipment might be wise. However, while awake, you should be able to use such devices without damaging them, though finding a smartphone that is dragon-sized is rather difficult.
Which segues nicely into the subject of alternate forms. Any dragon can learn to do it, with enough skill and power. Most metallics can do it innately, though some have to learn how to do it. Unfortunately, chromatics have to learn how to do it, and you probably won't be able to learn how to do it until your second century. That being said, if you could find an enchanter, and pay their fee, they should be able to fashion you something that should do the trick until you can learn. Rings of Change are highly prized possessions.
And finally, hatchlings. Yes, at some point, new dragons would be nice. I have read the Kama Sutra – a most wonderful and sensual book, really, I might even have the original around here somewhere in my lair – but frankly, very little of it applies to dragons. I've been told that courtship amongst green dragons is a coarse and indelicate affair. Like most intelligent beings, you should remain in control, unless you decide to get swept away in the throes of passion. Mating arrangements tend to last for decades, at least for the first clutch, before the pair of you detest each other so much you go your separate ways.
Unfortunately, the only advice I can give you on mating is thus: 'Good luck, and go to it.' Even though most will deny it, many dragons are like people, and enjoy gifts, a night out, and having a good time in agreeable company. However, kidnapping princesses is not recommended. That tends to get the Royal's military a tad upset. You will have to learn what your prospective mate enjoys, impress her.
Hope you have fun,
Auntie Tia."
Bahamut was near to laughter as he listened to his sister dictate her reply. "That was precious," he managed to finally say, as his mirth died down. "It is much the same for metallics as well, though perhaps with a fair bit less violence."
"Do not interrupt any of Hlal's courting attempts," Tiamat said as the dictated message folded itself, and placed into an envelope that floated out to meet it. "It does not end well."
"Speaking from personal experience?"
"Io's balls, yes." Tiamat rolled five sets of eyes. "I was finding booby traps in my lairs for centuries."
"The author of our next letter writes like that insane pink pony a couple of dimensions over," he noted with idle amusement. "However, given her breed, understandable."
"Mercury dragon?" one of Tiamat's heads asked, while one of the others was reading another letter.
"Yes. Let's see if I can parse this wall of text… Hmm…"
"Dear Janalyn:
To answer your questions, I shall do so in order. Yes, the transformation is permanent. Any senses that were defective before your transformation should have been corrected, so your vision should be optimal, across all light levels.
You should live for a millennium or two at the least, possibly as many as three or four. Unfortunately, every dragon has to deal with their shorter-lived companions, family, and friends passing before they do. There are means to extend their lives, but each carries a hefty price with it. If you wish to, do so with their full knowledge and consent. Remember, you are still mortal yourself, just longer-lived than most. I shall attach a list of references on enhancing longevity to this letter, for you to peruse at your leisure.
As of this moment, there is no guild, union, or alliance of dragons. It is your right to do so as you wish, but be very careful in any case. Even the most trustworthy of allies have managed to bring a dragon low through agreements the dragon didn't read through. Tread carefully.
Whatever alternate form you assume is yours to decide. I vaguely remember the 'elves' of Arda. 'Ware hubris, for it caused them many problems that troubled that world for three of its ages, causing much sorrow. There is only one dragon left from that realm now, peacefully living out her days on an uninhabited world with sufficient game for her to eat. It is not my place to tell her tale here, however.
You should be able to eat anything you wish now. Dragons take the term omnivore to extremes. Certain dragons snack on gems and pearls as humans would popcorn. For many new dragons, fish and small game are a staple of their diets. While you can eat a substantial amount of food, you do not need to to survive. Also, if the amount of food you eat in an alternate form would sustain that form, it should sustain you as well, with some exceptions. No, I don't know why, either. Consider it one of the mysteries of dragonkind.
Sincerely,
Bahamut."
They continued reading through several more. "These appear to be all along the same lines of inquiry," Tiamat's blue head commented. "Why me, what do I eat, how much, where can I go to learn more?"
"Perhaps we should have Hlal come up with a website with a list of 'Frequently Asked Questions?'" Bahamut mused. "A better choice would be Ms. Richter. She knows her way around computers quite well." He continued reading another letter, "Ah, this one requires a diplomatic touch. It appears their transformation occurred while asleep, and damaged their place of residence.
"Dear [redacted]:
We are sorry that your transformation caught you unawares, while you were asleep, and also damaged your current residence.
To that end, we will be sending a representative out to talk with your landlord and settle any claims for damages. She will also bring temporary housing along as well in case the building in question requires extensive repairs.
We apologize for the inconvenience and hope for a satisfactory outcome.
Sincerely,
Bahamut
CEO Platinus Construction and Engineering."
"Yes, that should suffice," Tiamat's white head said. "I shall make sure the funds are available for a worst case scenario, which would be to build a new building and relocate the residents. I've got one in a similar vein..."
"Dear [redacted]:
Simply explain to your parents that it was the whims of some otherworldly power. Or, to use a common expression from this world, 'Powers are Bullshit.' Tell them that despite the physical changes, you are still you. If you truly love each other, things should work out. It may take time, however. If they do not, you could always eat them.
Your dentist I am of two minds about; on one hand, I think they are a scourge placed upon the worlds by the Elder Gods to torment the various races. On the other they do serve a purpose. He should be glad that he now has a patient whose mouth he can easily work in. There will be some adjustment, however, as he may need to invest in larger tools.
You should no longer require glasses unless you wish to use them to help give you an air of wisdom or intelligence. They may be needed to read some human-sized books. I've included a couple of opticians who will take draconic patients if necessary.
The difference between a silicon and a germanium dragon? One is far more common than the other, and both are immune to electricity, as either it passes through them harmlessly, or they are protected outright from it. Haven't seen one of either in ages, though.
Sincerely,
Tiamat."
Bahamut raised an eye ridge at his sister's comment. "Really? Eat them?"
Tiamat's red head nodded. "It is an acceptable, long term solution to many classes of problems."
"You've been talking to Varga again, haven't you?"
All of Tiamat's heads nodded. "It is refreshing to talk to someone nearly as old as I am, and he often has a unique viewpoint. I've invited him to visit, but he isn't sure when he'll be able to do so."
Bahamut gave in to the urge to facepalm.
