I don't think there's much point in discussing this, it's a terrible plan that's not going to get any voter support. It makes fundamental mistakes about Leaf politics and the role of the Hokage. Just ignore it.
The point is not that we should actually do those things. (We probably shouldn't) The point I'm trying to make is that we are a very valuable supporter of Naruto and he should treat us like it. We are a very powerful individual that is very valuable to Naruto's goals. The QMs and others have this idea that Hazo has no leverage or political power over Naruto, because Hazo wants to beat Akasuki, and therefore Hazo has limited options and Hazo should rollover and be thankful for even the smallest thing Naruto gives us, even if it terrible and sucks. This is simply not the case.
We shouldn't be in a position where we're begging for scraps at the table. If we want reasonable things, Naruto should be more than willing to accommodate us.
The point is not that we should actually do those things. (We probably shouldn't) The point I'm trying to make is that we are a very valuable supporter of Naruto and he should treat us like it. We are a very powerful individual that is very valuable to Naruto. The QMs and others have this idea that Hazo has no leverage or political power over Naruto, because Hazo wants to beat Akasuki, and therefore Hazo has limited options and Hazo should rollover and be thankful for even the smallest thing Naruto gives us, even if it terrible and sucks. This is simply not the case.
We shouldn't be in a position where we're begging for scraps at the table. If we want reasonable things, Naruto should be more than willing to accommodate us.
We're not in such a position. Factually. This is not how politics in Leaf works. We could not succeed in doing this thing. The general assessment of our position in Leaf is correct.
And people would say the same thing about Mist. Until. Well. It did. Politics is politics. It's shaped by those in power and what they want to do. Saying "this has never happened before" is not actually an argument toward saying it can't happen or will never happen.
Put yourself in the shoes of us if we were a ninja at Mist plotting the exact same thing I'm (not really) proposing.
Your arguments against would have been the same, no?
What's so different such that a coup can happen there and not here?
Mist is also a military dictatorship, organized in the same way of Leaf (if not more brutal, if I recall)
"What am I doing here, brat?" Tsunade demanded, dropping into the visitor chair with an angry sigh.
Naruto sat behind the desk commissioned by the Third, God of Shinobi, leaning back in the chair conjured from the dirt by the raw power of the First, the man who founded the village, with his fingers interlaced on his stomach. He studied her silently for a moment and then said, "Brat?"
Tsunade's face soured. She matched his gaze for a few seconds, then rolled her eyes and sketched out a trivial mockery of an elaborate bow. Somehow, she managed to do it without moving more than one arm and vaguely dipping her head.
"What am I doing here, O Great and Powerful Lord Hokage?"
"You're having tea with your Hokage while talking about strategic-level issues. Here, have some tea." He plucked one of the cups off the tray beside him and handed it over. She took it with narrowed eyes but raised it in response to his toast and took a sip.
"What are your plans for the next few months?" The words were calm, Naruto's usual verve and energy absent. So was the smile that normally crinkled his lips and danced in his eyes. He leaned back again, rolling the steaming mug between his hands.
Tsunade shrugged. "The usual. Terrify the new rack of doctors into losing some of their smugness. Inspire the new intake to the pipeline. Make sure the hospital is running right. Go and check the hinterlands to see what's happening so I can get out in front of any new diseases. Find cures where I can, quarantine where I can't."
"I like all of that except the last one," Naruto said. "I need you here."
She snorted.
"I do. Tsunade, Akatsuki killed Asuma basically where you're sitting. They blackmailed you for clan secrets and we ponied up. They'll do it again."
"You think I should have done something else?" Her teeth were gritted and the air trembled with the faintest hint of mountain.
"Reel it in, Auntie Sunny," Naruto said, waving a hand around the room. "I'm not one of your kid doctors and I'm not impressed. You're a grownup and you should be able to control your temper."
The mountain shimmered, trembled, and snapped away.
"I think you did exactly the right thing," Naruto continued. "We had two choices: pony up or get the city burned." His gaze drifted towards the ceiling in thought and he waved a hand. "Heck, even if we had somehow managed to catch and kill the bastard the rest of them would have hit us as soon as he didn't show up back at their little clubhouse. You can't defend a village against S-rank ninja."
"Gonna have to do something about that."
Naruto studied her. "I put Gōketsu on it. And I never said that to you."
One fine-lined blonde eyebrow rose. "You think that's smart?"
The trademark smile returned, peeking out at the corners of Naruto's eyes. "Are you doubting your Hokage, Auntie?"
"Yes. The kid's an unbalanced kunai. And smart as anything, which makes it worse."
"Worse?"
"He'll have ideas. Might cause a major seal failure, which would suck. Might succeed, in which case I have no idea what happens next."
"What happens next is that we burn those fuckers off the face of the planet."
Tsunade studied him for several long seconds, her usual facial growl slowly unwinding into more like worry. "Naruto...you know it's not that simple, right?"
"It's exactly that simple," Naruto said. "The minute we're sure we can win, we kill them."
"Don't be an idiot. Have you even spent one moment thinking about the collateral damage?"
"We don't do it in the city, duh."
"FUCKING SAGE!" She exploded to her feet, her teacup hitting the wall so hard it puffed back as a wash of powder. "IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING SIMPLE, YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT!"
"Sit. Down."
From any other Hokage, the words would have been accompanied by a blast of psychic power. From Naruto they were short and sharp and no more.
Tsunade whirled on him. "Don't you—"
"Sit your ass down and shut your mouth."
Tsunade's fists clenched. She glared at him and the air around her shimmered as her rage strained against the bonds of her will.
"Jōnin Senju," Naruto said, eyes locked on hers. "Put your ass in that chair. That is an order from your Hokage."
Slowly, Tsunade settled into her seat.
"Here's the thing," Naruto said, leaning forward and interlacing his fingers. "In this room, you're not 'Auntie Sunny' and I'm not 'brat' or 'kid'. I am your Hokage, Tsunade. You will do as I tell you. If you have a problem with my orders, I'll listen. And then I will make a decision and that will be the end of the discussion. You know that's the way it is, and the way it has to be. Right?"
Her jaw clenched but she said nothing.
Naruto waited.
She said nothing.
Naruto waited.
"Yes," she said at last.
Naruto smiled and leaned back. "I could be an asshole and make you say 'Yes, Lord Hokage', but I think we've made the point." He gestured towards the window and the city beyond it. "This place is a disaster, and we've got a lot of work to do fixing it. I want your advice, but Leaf needs your service. Specifically, you need to stay in the city for a while. If those assholes come back we need to be able to wave a big enough stick in their faces to make them play nice, and you're one of the biggest sticks in the world."
The corner of her mouth twisted in amusement. "Stop trying to butter me up, kid."
"I'm trying to make a 'biggest stick of butter in the world' joke here, but it's not quite coming together. Hang on. Multiple Shadow Clone Technique!"
Another Naruto poofed into existence and promptly sat down, leaning against the side of the desk with a frown of concentration.
"I assigned him to figure out the joke so I can stop thinking about it," Naruto explained to Tsunade's clear confusion.
She snorted in some unclear amalgam of annoyance and amusement. "Fine. So, you're locking me up in this old pile. What am I doing until you graciously permit me to see the outside of the walls again?"
"Basically, the things you said a few minutes ago. One more thing too, and this is not an order. It would be a big help to me but I'm not ordering it. You're the expert and I'm not going to overrule you in your own field."
"I can tell you're running Sensei's attack plans, but he was a lot smoother about it. Much less obvious. It made the guilt trips way harder to resist."
"Really? Thanks. Multiple Shadow Clone Technique!" Another Naruto popped into existence. "He'll sit here and think about how to be less obvious the next time I need to manipulate you."
She laughed in surprise, the sound for once unalloyed with anything else. "Fine. What's this thing that you're so carefully asking me for?"
"Noburi."
"...What about him?"
"He's a good medic, right? I was told you gave him a shot at an apprenticeship and he almost made the grade."
"Miss by a foot, miss by a mile, you still missed."
"Yah, well, I need Noburi to be strongly motivated to stay in the city for the next...let's say year. Hopefully less, but let's say year. I would prefer it if he didn't want to take missions outside the city and if he would actively push back against any outside missions Hazō might assign him. So—"
"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence, brat."
Naruto raised his hands in injured innocence. "Hey! You don't know what I was going to say!"
"You were going to say that I should take him on as an apprentice just because politics."
"Okay, maybe you do know what I was going to say."
"Sagedamnit, Naruto! I am not—"
"Oy! Take it down a notch, Auntie. I said I wasn't going to force you. It would be very convenient but I'm not going to force you."
"Sensei was guilt-tripping my patriotism before you were born, and he did it way better than you ever will."
Naruto shook his head and sighed in amusement. "Okay, okay. Still, I'm not pulling this thought off the top of my head. I did my research, and Kon Ai says that he's improved tremendously since you tested him. That he's been busting his ass and getting results."
"What is it with this kid? First Oro is pushing me at him, now you? He failed the test!"
"I'm just saying, you could retest him if you wanted. And hey, if Snakeboy is bothering to notice another human being and say nice things about them, maybe it's something to consider."
She folded her arms and glowered. Her glower bounced harmlessly off Naruto's invincibly sunny smile.
"If I retest him and he fails again, you're not going to keep pushing this, right? You'll stay off my ass?"
"If you retest him and he fails again, I will stay off your ass, yes."
She glowered some more.
Naruto waited patiently.
"Fine," she grumbled. "Is there anything else, O Great Lord Almighty Hokage?"
Naruto looked to the ceiling, tapping a finger on pursed lips in thought.
"Well?!" Tsunade snapped after a few seconds.
"Nah, I'm good," Naruto said with a chuckle. "You're dis—"
Tsunade was gone before Naruto could finish the word, much to his disappointment.
And people would say the same thing about Mist. Until. Well. It did. Politics is politics. It's shaped by those in power and what they want to do. Saying "this has never happened before" is not actually an argument toward saying it can't happen or will never happen.
Put yourself in the shoes of us if we were a ninja at Mist plotting the exact same thing I'm (not really) proposing.
Your arguments against would have been the same, no?
What's so different such that a coup can happen there and not here?
Mist is also a military dictatorship, organized in the same way of Leaf (if not more brutal, if I recall)
Religious indoctrination in Leaf is much, much more effective. Most of the most powerful individuals in Leaf believe strongly in a religious doctrine that thoroughly forbids this course of action.
1: Everyone hated and feared the previous Mizukage.
2: Naruto is broadly popular, has personal connections to the other S-rankers, and Leaf's leadership have shown they really want a powerful S-ranker in charge in this time of crisis.
It's one thing to find people willing to vote against Naruto in a normal legitimate election process. It's quite another to find people willing to participate in a soft coup against him. I genuinely think the political situation is extremely unsuited to doing a coup, and I also think that "Hazou the politically isolated traitorous madman" is very poorly suited to starting such a coup anyway.
How big of a bribe would it take to allow Noburi to use his banked XP on Medical Ninjutsu? It's pyramid locked so we [who were planning on not abandoning Medicine] were planning on raising it all at once from MN 49 to MN 60, but we are like 200 XP short right now.
On the one hand, it's not a legal purchase. On the other, he is investing his XP solely in MedNin anyway and it's a simulation discontinuity for him to have not improved at all until he suddenly jumps ahead by eleven levels. It wouldn't have mattered but now he's suddenly getting tested right in the grey-period.
How big of a bribe would it take to allow Noburi to use his banked XP on Medical Ninjutsu? It's pyramid locked so we were planning on raising it all at once from MN 49 to MN 60, but we are like 200 XP short right now.
"Reel it in, Auntie Sunny," Naruto said, waving a hand around the room. "I'm not one of your kid doctors and I'm not impressed. You're a grownup and you should be able to control your temper."
I don't want to try to relitigate the thing with Naruto too much. The math says we're better off with Nobs on the home front, Mari+Yuno+Kagome is pretty good, and I agree with his assessment that if we bring a bunch of people its super sus so I'm not even sure I want to bring all of them.
Maybe we could ask for a innoculous bodyguard? Someone who wouldn't be missed? Could we trust whoever he assigns? We know the tower has leaks, so a non-Goketsu bodyguard is a risk.
I don't want to try to relitigate the thing with Naruto too much. The math says we're better off with Nobs on the home front, Mari+Yuno+Kagome is pretty good, and I agree with his assessment that if we bring a bunch of people its super sus so I'm not even sure I want to bring all of them.
Maybe we could ask for a innoculous bodyguard? Someone who wouldn't be missed? Could we trust whoever he assigns? We know the tower has leaks, so a non-Goketsu bodyguard is a risk.
That works. If we're spending a lot of time on the 7P it definitely simplifies things to have everyone in one place all the time instead of going back and forth. Kei isn't as good of a combatant as Mari but we'd probably still be fine, and I think she might be a better sanity checker for our purposes.
Maybe we could ask for a innoculous bodyguard? Someone who wouldn't be missed? Could we trust whoever he assigns? We know the tower has leaks, so a non-Goketsu bodyguard is a risk.
IIRC an apprenticeship means that we lose control over his XP for a while as Tsunade increases his XP rate but also directs what he can buy and how. So there's not much point in saving for chakra scalpels, and we should probably at least be spending some banked MedNin XP right now to improve his odds of passing her test.
It's always so interesting to see Tsunade. On one hand: she's powerful enough to get her way much of the time. On the other hand: she's smart and pro-humanity (even if not pro-social).
Unfortunately, instead of spreading high-level medical techniques throughout the world/Leaf, she just... wanders the backwoods, checking wells and fixing broken bones? Sure, inspiring new medics and clearing corruption out of existing ones is important as hell, but Tsunade is slapping a bandaid on an arterial bleed.
She sees the problem, acknowledges the problem as a problem... and then does the minimum to work towards fixing the problem?
It's ruffle-your-own-hair levels of frustrating, you know? Till'n'fills could fill the role that Tsunade is currently filling, but no one else could do the levels of medical research/proliferation that she's capable of.
It's like seeing Einstein teach addition and subtraction to elementary schoolers.
