Brockton's Celestial Forge (Worm/Jumpchain)

Lightwavers · Dec 31, 2020

While the filler criticism is valid, and I would very much appreciate some more interaction with the plot soon, I do still enjoy these build up chapters. I think a lot of the problems are the kind that can be dealt with after a solid round of editing—after going back and rereading, I've found there are sometimes several places in a chapter where points are repeated with a slight rephrasal of the same sentiment. There's a large amount of chaff that can safely be removed without affecting the reader's overall understanding of the situation, and that's without considering the amount of rehashing that happens every time a general overhaul occurs.

Now, while dealing with that would make an excellent read a truly great one, I feel like Roustabout appreciates a low-stakes environment where fixing every flaw isn't expected of him, based on the complete lack of an internet presence he has aside from this story. Having an audience this large does make that environment next to impossible to maintain, but I'd like to assure him that I, personally, am completely fine with this story not undergoing a round of revisions, and would like to stress that the chaff doesn't in any way make the work unreadable.

Nnael · Dec 31, 2020

I'm not saying I skipped Leet's preamble, but I might've skimmed it. I'm sorry!

Also, kudos to the duplicate that made a pool for the Fleet.

Mizuki_Stone · Dec 31, 2020

I'm kinda hoping that some of this tech actually gets put into motion pretty soon. Right now Joe seems to have fallen into a cycle of building tech, which lets him get new gacha tokens that let him get new options, which cause him to build tech, which get him more options, while letting his enemies continue to make their moves.

I mean... right now Dragon is moving in. Outsiders are coming for their pound of flesh in vengance, Coil is being Coil, Leet is prepping to change the underlining fabric of reality, and Joe is just... sitting in his lab working on stuff, when he's already sitting on an arsenal that could probably handle any one or even two of those threats if he went out and used it.

Edit: To be clear I do understand this is actually an in universe character flaw that Joe has. That he's not one to take personal initiative much, and that he's trusting in the people telling him to do less, but I'm also kinda hoping Aisha, Garment, one of the other Joes, or even one of his many enemies prompts him to step out of it and start actively doing more, even if only in the short term due to someone forcing his hands again.

Darkcore41 · Dec 31, 2020

Jeff got his power buffed in this story? If I remember correctly he can only do one thing perfectly. If he tried to learn fighting he'd get a roll done instead of the whole sequence for example.

insertname099 · Dec 31, 2020

Darkcore41 said:
Jeff got his power buffed in this story? If I remember correctly he can only do one thing perfectly. If he tried to learn fighting he'd get a roll done instead of the whole sequence for example.

If the action results in one result; ie winning a short physical alteration, then OtaaT activates, it only doesn't if there is more than one immediate result from an action.
Edit: lmao I can't read, Jeff ≠ Joe

Sterlyn · Dec 31, 2020

BlueArcher said:
Huh, the guys of PHO were right. Joe has theme music when he is awesome now. Is impressive how much the dice gods can make jokes and memes act at the perfect moment. But the greatest part of this chapter is that Symphongear and Bayonetta perks were obtaining on the same chapter, now Apeiron is basically an anime character in every aspect imaginable.

He is basically a JOJO!

Never have I ever imagined Joe doing a JoJo (He even has (Jo)e in his name!) pose, especially now I'm just thinking of him doing it to the Pillar Man theme. Never have I needed to see a pose more than in my life.

biloly · Dec 31, 2020

insertname099 said:
If the action results in one result; ie winning a short physical alteration, then OtaaT activates, it only doesn't if there is more than one immediate result from an action.

I think he was talking about Uber here, not Apeiron.

Synergy L007T · Dec 31, 2020

Aight so Bayonetta perk is here and now we wait for the DMC perk for the full wacky pizza man experience.
Also I wonder can technically make devil arms? I mean Pandora and Artemis was made by a Human in DMC canon.

insertname099 · Dec 31, 2020

mojtaba said:
Can one of your duplicates kill you and take over. I feel like that would improve everything immensely.

Are you even reading the same story we are? The potion is explicitly made with the possibility of clone rebellion removed to prevent this sort of thing. You're basically asking for Joe to just drop all the mental baggage that's been part of his character since day one, and would make for a much less interesting story.

green · Dec 31, 2020

Really like the silicon proofing.

Also like the fore shadow ing of Leet dimensional tech. Him having some morals.

Nimeroni · Dec 31, 2020

Mouse197 said:
So uber and leet was mastered then by that thinker bitch......that explains why the dumbass twins joined the ABB ...it seems that her shard is very similar to jack slashes shard

Nah, she didn't master them, she just provided them with something invaluable: the ability to re use Leet tech.

(She did a bit of a clean up for their goons, but that's not mastering either, that's just good old fashion manipulation)

Ryune · Dec 31, 2020

So... Symphogear tech... Jesus christ. And he upgraded his neural implant after he got that. It's going to upgrade at the pace of magical girl needs.

Also, he finally got the paired perk for the ragnite. I can only look on in awe in what he would be able to do with Aisha if he was willing to make her a Valkur...

That being said... I am going to be in utter awe of the armor that Aisha gets. At this point he is basically going to build her a fucking Tenno Warframe. A lore compliant Warframe that was capable of slagging cities of an empire that had conquered the solar system and only got stymied by a bunch of Strong AI.

Also, all of his shit can be self upgrading. He just made a major alteration to his workshop. Does it now self upgrade?

Phyrexia Unbound · Dec 31, 2020

Ryune said:
That being said... I am going to be in utter awe of the armor that Aisha gets. At this point he is basically going to build her a fucking Tenno Warframe. A lore compliant Warframe that was capable of slagging cities of an empire that had conquered the solar system and only got stymied by a bunch of Strong AI.

Mommy!Lotus: "This is Imp, the Inscrutable, the Undetectable."
Ash and Loki: *Happy Big Brother Frame Noises*

Andorxor · Dec 31, 2020

Blasto comes to Brokton to become Aperions wet tinker assistant for the Valkaisha project.And Leet is a sellout And Uber a asshole who sold his friend to the ABB.

Subrosian_Smithy · Dec 31, 2020

Holy fucking shit.

@LordRoustabout, I think this is the single most interesting and sympathetic Leet I've ever seen in Worm fanfiction; and not even as a Funny Relatable Gamer Man (TM), but as an understandable and compelling character.

I wouldn't want to live with him, he's about as banal an evil as it gets - but what a deeply affecting banal evil he is to read about, you magnificent bastard.

RaptorusMaximus · Dec 31, 2020

Arthur Borzov said:
Don't want to sound ungrateful but this chapter had so much "water" in it, you could cut 50% of the text and chapter would be better for it, not because its was bad but because its hard to spread 1 spoon of butter on 10 different pieces of bread. But i might be in minority here.

I kinda agree. Going over how all the powers interact and boost works is starting to take up more and more of each chapter and becoming a bit of a slog to get through in any 'tinker' section. Makes me hope for character interactions more, which are getting further and further apart cause of how long the Tinker sections are getting.

Mizuki_Stone · Dec 31, 2020

Darkcore41 said:
Jeff got his power buffed in this story? If I remember correctly he can only do one thing perfectly. If he tried to learn fighting he'd get a roll done instead of the whole sequence for example.

Yeah, but the limit of 'one thing at a time' is also fanon, meaning he's effectively Taskmaster. Yes he can only throw the same exact punch at the same exact angle as one he's seen, but if he watches enough high end footage or fights...

Slyvena · Dec 31, 2020

LordRoustabout said:
And the Game Grid would come online.

Hmmm, sounds to me like Leet is going to invent a Shaker-Tech that imposes a game-reality he has some form of partial control over on the area. Will expect to curbstomp Aperion, only to discover that Aperions powers are practically custom-tailored to function just as well if not better under game physics. (I feel sorry for Leet already.)

Now, to read the rest of the chapter.

Slentoru · Dec 31, 2020

"Plus, Apeiron might not be a problem by the time you get back." May replied cheerfully.

Huh, so battle of the next chapter not only promised by WoG, but even foreshadowed in this one. Neat.

May nodded. "Don't want to jinx it, but someone leaving New York is very interested in power mechanics. This might tip things in our favor."

So about who exactly it is?
I think Damsel, but not entirely sure...
Anyway March sure that she can get one more cape in her team using jozef's research in power mechanics and even making fun of him by her's

Apeiron had his moment and let it pass. All the power in the world doesn't mean anything if you can't move it at the right time

Her fall will be so much fun.

Also, battle of the next chapter will be fun not only for payback for all this build up, but also for the reaction of everyone on the effects of free perks from this chapter in battle.
I can't wait already...

Confuzzled · Dec 31, 2020

The leet preamble....made some old thoughts resurface.

Meeting a more successful version of yourself, trying to live up to what they accomplished, watching as it all burns down even as you try your best.

And then a cease and desist order from your more successful alternate self as the final nail in the coffin for your dream.

Hot damn, what a trigger.

Unto more pleasant topics:

Apeiron's a giant getting roused from his slumber, but the gacha dream keeps him drowsy lmao.

Project: Lethe is about to finish, so Aisha is probably gonna be a Rogue with more armor than a terminator space marine.

Also speaking of Aisha, she's totally gonna be Robin to Apeiron's batman, I guarantee it

Kris-71854 · Dec 31, 2020

I liked the Leet scene. It was rather relatable. I could just feel him being an alt of less successful John Romero/John Carmack and wondering why he can't do that as well. Then when it looked like he was about to make any progress he gets informed that his alt apparently is famous enough to own the name from across another dimension.

It's really telling just how much of a follower Leet was. He followed Uber's lead. If Uber got an idea in his head and tried convincing Leet, it was going to happen. Leet just didn't have the social skills to change Uber's mind.

Looks like Leet really wanted to get out of dodge and all that. Then May came just at the right time to reel him back into things. Seemed like any henchmen that would have complained for moral reasons were let go and not hired when they relocated. May and Uber are screening folks to be more in tune to the more amoral henchmen.

You could just feel Leet wanting out, wanting to change things, but having no clue. Is Leet an Eden cape or something? Is that why he was seeing something missing in that painting of Uber's? I hope someone comes up with some good ideas about that. I liked how Leet admitted that they now had the fame/respect that they wanted.

I get the feeling that this side trip for Uber and Leet was a project of May's to get them out of sight while also bringing new folks in. I don't get why she thinks Apeiron wouldn't be a problem when they get back.

The Rey/Blasto bit was nice. Showed that he had little attachment to the group. He was ready to bail and relocate just as soon as he could. He wasn't insane enough to head to BB though. That's where he is being sent. I wonder if he will stick around for one massive bluff and retreat back to the group, or if he will use it as a welcome/intro into the area and join one of the other factions?

There have been a few mention that Joe has just been in his lab tinkering. Um, he has been doing a lot. I'd need to step back and re-read the last few chapters. He stayed mostly out of sight due to Lisa except he finally went online and had a tinkering/cyberwar session with Dragon. He also met with Taylor and the Undersiders.

O.k. time for Joe seems awfully slow, but that's because we see everything about him and get it all spelled out in detail. It's what I like about this fic. Joe just got a massive outfit upgrade, made his lair self warded, and has background music effects.

I love when Aisha finally calls him back, he is in the middle of doing that brain surgery. If it's something awkward, then he will get a call during it.

Let's be honest, Joe only leaves his lab when someone calls him for backup. He hasn't ever been proactive. I fully expect the next time he leaves is when he'll need to remodel Garment's shop. I'm sort of surprised that he didn't set aside a pair of boots for Aisha.

I really hope at one point that various folks will need to evac into his lair. You know just for him to have a reason to really show off those toys and having background people around and using it all. I doubt he'd want to ever let anyone else in there, but it would be so fun to watch the reactions as someone gets a full-blown tour.

Introverted · Dec 31, 2020

LordRoustabout said:
The idea of explaining what they'd done at the storage lot, what they'd been a part of, Leet had been dreading it. But that never came. Jeff and May cut him as a security risk at the same time they abandoned the old base. Now they were down to recent recruits like Gerry, people with no history of influence, and who Jeff assured would be able to go along with their new direction.

Man, really highlights that Leet is the dupe of the duo, Jeff pretty much owns him in all ways possible. Now he does not even have loyal minions.

LordRoustabout said:
The half-baked game barely ready for release that might have let them tide things over, until they received the cease and desist order. A declaration that his name couldn't be on the title. He didn't have the rights to his own name. That other him, the version whose only crime had been existing as something he couldn't match was suddenly in his life, looming over him and snatching away the last hope he had.

LordRoustabout said:
That would be his legacy. Not a game made in another universe. Not a string of failure and exploding technology. Not a man without the spine to be a villain or the will to find another path. A visionary. And inventor. An artist. Leet would succeed in a way that would eclipse all of those little failures.

I hope he tries to kill the other him, pushing a game creator into super villainy and said cause suffering is an amazing trope. Also revenge would be a deeper super villain cause than game weirdo gotta ascend the rank from joke villain to actual threat.

How does this even work did Earth-Bet just concede copyright law or was it the local company who sent the letter?

This has huge implications on law as this effectively means that Earth-Aleph can de facto cease and desist any intellectual property on their favor or was this just a side-effect of NEPEA-5?

LordRoustabout said:
"You two are so cute together." She crooned.

Leet rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm not into college age crazy chicks, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same."

"Doesn't matter." May sung. "Your agents are having the best time together. They'll keep nudging you together until something happens."

I ship it. This relationship is built on mutual self-destructive mind cancers

LordRoustabout said:
Leet didn't like it, but he had never been able to talk Jeff around. Even before he got his power there had been a gap. Maybe if he just admitted he wouldn't be able to handle it, things could have been different, but instead they had embarked on the worst received job of their entire career.

Stop staying with your manipulative boyfriend Leet... You deserve someone better like Bakuda.

Man would it be hilarious if Jeff was the one who is pushing leet to villainy to monopolize him.

LordRoustabout said:
The painting looked almost abstract. The twists of flesh and jagged crystals that seemed to blend into the space around it. Infinite complexity, approximated in a way only Jeff's perfect technique could manage. Even in the background was beautifully rendered, with shadows of other masses and the complicated links connected to them.

LordRoustabout said:
The feeling he got wasn't the sense of power or confidence that Uber or March described. It was confusion, frustration, and loss. The sense that something was missing, that things weren't going the way they should, and the lack of any way to make them right.

Man... His power really hated him, hope their relationship improves.

LordRoustabout said:
Looking around he could see them, folding at the first challenge. The mystical forest of Barrow's shaker effect was rapidly recovering from the attack. The collection of huts, tents, and campers was not so fortunate

LordRoustabout said:
he was a man of science, not some starstruck dreamer trying to create a mix of a 60s commune and a fantasy novel.

LordRoustabout said:
Barrow was likely to be very accommodating if the prospect of cloned spinal tissue was on the table. If he could minimize his direct involvement in the conflicts coming then maybe this could be a good thing.

A Man of Science and a hippie commune, how the mighty blasto has fallen forced to retreat because of Aegislash.

dragonwhite · Dec 31, 2020

Wtf? Where anti March enchantments on his gear? Anti Simurg? Anti Tattletale?
His tech was almost scaned. Where is his automatic countermeasures?

TerraBull · Dec 31, 2020

I await Uber & Leet showing up doing things to change reality in favor of skills. The game Guitar Hero, a bit of skill & timing. Aperion demonstrates he is a True Tinker of the Forge, pulling out a Masterwork Flying V Gibson to play Heavy Metal.

Maybe something like the scene from Reboot, the battle between Megabyte & Bob.

Who else thinks the pic of the Suzuki will bite him?

What neighborhood is the shop in?

I admit I want to see if Garment can Fashionably clean up the car lot where they got the bike.

Finally, the Boots make me think of an Inazuma Kick?

A thought, I miss some of the music themes of Bubblegum Crisis.

Will Aisha be given musical accompaniment?

Will they ( U & L ) recognize the source of the armor?

Does she need a pair of combat boots as well?

Edit: Can Joe make an Accordion and actually make it look good to play?

Slentoru · Dec 31, 2020

dragonwhite said:
His tech was almost scaned. Where is his automatic countermeasures?

No, it wasn't.
It didn't even was close to be scanned.

It simultaneously destroyed technology while giving its user a full breakdown of the object's design and stored information. A reverse engineering grenade. It was something that would only have been built if she was specifically going against a tinker, or possibly performing some kind of data theft.

Still, it wouldn't have made a difference to me. Maybe it could have been a problem on Saturday night, but now my kinetic barriers and shielding would block it from ever making contact. Of course, they didn't know that. So far they hadn't presented enough of a threat to even necessitate the outer layers or my improved defenses.

As about anti-thinker technology, who knows, maybe he already done it.
He has pair of others Joes who doing some strange projects about which we know barely minimum.
As an example, we didn't know that magitek laser exist before Apeiron used it.

Brockton's Celestial Forge (Worm/Jumpchain)

Purple Noodle

Masteryakthrower

endless

I don't like pie.