Advice and Trust [NGE]

[Strypgia]

Rei moves forward. Consequences are forseen, and grappled with. Shinji and Asuka do their best to help.

Chapter 4.6
Before the Storm
++++++++++++++++

"What do you mean it takes a week to take full effect?!"

Doctor Akagi looked mildly annoyed at Asuka's outburst. Well, slightly more than she usually looked to Asuka these days. It was hard to tell sometimes.

"It's a hormonal contraceptive implant, Asuka, not an injection. It takes a few days to seep the necessary levels into your system. Unless your period is right about to start you should be fine before it hits. Calm down."

"Right, my period. That's not due for at least ten days. I'm fine," Asuka hastily agreed. 'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! That means Shinji and I will have to stop for a week! We can't just stop at a pharmacy and get a box of condoms with Wondergirl watching! Not fair! Cold-turkey withdrawal after just a week of getting a taste for it!' That thought sobered Asuka and helped her cool her irritation. 'Cold-turkey withdrawal... I know it's a bad move, but the idea of Wondergirl continuing to take that witches brew of shit is revolting.' Asuka's eyes slid to Doctor Akagi's back as she turned to put away the scapel and other medical implements she'd used for Asuka's implant. 'That witch's brew, in fact. She has to know what she's giving Ayanami is doing to her. Why the fuck are they keeping Wondergirl dosed up with so much shit she can hardly talk?'

Doctor Akagi turned back and gave Asuka's bandage one last look. "Alright, you're set. You may go. Shinji and Rei should be waiting for you in the other exam room." She picked up her clipboard and headed for the opposite door. "Remind them you all have a Synch Test on Thursday."

She missed Asuka flipping her off.

.

"Ayanami, are you sure we should be doing this?"

"No." Rei pulled a bottle marked 'Flumazenil' from the cabinet.

"...so why...?"

"My research has concluded Pilot Soryu is correct. There is no reason I should be required to take my current regimen of tranquilizers and several other drugs. However, withdrawal symptoms can be severe. I am acquiring palliatives for the major symptoms and other drugs that have been identified to reduce them," Rei said quietly as she placed another bottle in her schoolbag.

"And we're doing this without telling Doctor Akagi because you think she'll say no or try to stop you?" Shinji put a couple of IV bags of saline and some tubing in his bag.

Rei's crimson eyes gave him an unreadable look. "Doctor Akagi is the one who established this regimen for me. She is a brilliant scientist and metabiological doctor. She cannot be unaware of what she is giving me. Therefore, she is doing so on purpose. Ergo, she is unlikely to acquiesce when I tell her I no longer wish to take them. " She reached into the medical cabinet again and pulled out a bottle marked 'Gabapentin'. "Or permit me to obtain counter-agents to the effects of withdrawal syndrome."

"Like what?" Shinji asked uncertainly.

"Nausea, tremors, insomnia, oversensitivity to stimuli, dizziness, parathesia, severe restlessness, mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks... potentially coma and death..."Rei listed without inflection, ignoring Shinji's squawk of dismay. "The literature indicates emotional and psychological support from friends and family is highly important to managing the psychological symptoms. I have no family. Can I... rely on you and Pilot Soryu for that?" Rei sounded oddly unsure as she asked him.

"Of course, Ayanami! We're your friends, no matter what!" Shinji seized her hand. "You know that we worry about you!" He blinked and looked down at where he held her hand. He blushed and dropped it.

Rei did not appear to notice. Again, she just held a steady, calm gaze on him for a long moment. "Thank you," she said even more softly.

She turned back to the medical cabinet, rearranged some of the bottles to conceal the small gaps she'd left, and closed it.

.

"Ayanami, are you alright? You don't look very good." Shinji pitched his voice low to avoid anyone's notice, but his concern was easy to hear.

Rei gave a sharp shake of her head, but did not lift her stare from the surface of her desk. She kept her gaze fixed on that spot with intense concentration, and her hands were gripping the sides of the desktop so hard they were shaking. Or possibly just shaking on their own. Her shaking was making the sweat beading on her forehead and temples drip a little faster.

Three days after she'd begun cutting her dose level, withdrawal symptoms were hitting Rei hard. Anticipating they'd need to keep a close eye on their fellow Pilot and cover for as many of her symptoms as possible, Asuka had had a quiet word with Hikari in her function as Class Rep and gotten their seating shifted slightly. Asuka now sat directly behind Rei, on Shinji's left. That it also moved her right next to Shinji was a nice bonus as far as Asuka was concerned. Not that she'd let her mask slip so far as to actually show it in class, but it was nice to be near him.

Rei swallowed heavily. "I am... feeling nauseous, Ikari-kun. I may require a bathroom soon."

"Asuka, can you-" Shinji's request to her was cut off as yet another girl sniffing after Shinji slid in between them, her back pointedly to Asuka.

Asuka fought hard to keep her hands from curling into claws. Moving to this new seat let her keep a close eye on Rei, but it also uncovered Shinji's 'right flank', and put her right up close as all the other girls kept hitting on her secret boyfriend. And she couldn't officially protest. It was maddening. Shinji had gotten better at dodging their constant attempts to get him to eat lunch with them, go for a walk after school with them, go shopping downtown with them... None of them had yet asked him out on a date directly, but they were getting close.

"Good morning, Ikari-san," purred Natsumi Takamori. "I know I can't possibly interrupt your important special training with the others, but I'd love to join you for lunch and hear all about what it's like being the brave Pilot who saves our city over and over again."

"Er... It's not just me, Takamori-san. I couldn't do it without Asuka and Ayanami. I'd have been killed four or five times already without them," Shinji attempted to parry. He tried to lean around her. "Asuka, coul-"

Takamori shifted to stay right in his view, incidentally blocking his view of Asuka. She flicked a dismissive momentary glance over her shoulder at the female Pilots. "Oh, they're nice. I'm sure they're splendid little helpers to you, but everyone knows you're the one who's the real hero," she continued.

Shinji's face clouded at this. "No, I'm really not," he said more quietly.

"I think you are," Takamori rolled right on. "I'd really like to hear more about it from you personally."

Asuka grit her teeth. She knew how Shinji hated being called that. She disagreed, but could see why he didn't like it. They were just like each other. On too many dark and lonely nights before she came to Japan, she'd feared that she was worthless too. She had yet to confess that to Shinji the way he'd told her about his fears, but she felt that she safely could, and probably would soon. It felt better every time they shared something, showed each other a little more of their true hearts. So she already knew Shinji thought himself cowardly and selfish, not a hero at all. He'd blushed a truly amazing shade the night Asuka had quietly told him she considered him one, for diving into Mount Asama to save her from being crushed to death in magma. She'd melted his further embarrassed mumbles with a kiss as hot as the volcano he'd saved her from. That had been a good night.

But from someone like Takamori, it was just a reminder of how he didn't feel worthy of the title most of the time. 'Fricking skank is trying to worm her way in to grab a piece of my Shinji, and making him feel like crap doing it. I will eat your eyes, bitch! How dare you hurt him!' She couldn't restrain herself anymore. Watching one of these slags make Shinji's smile crumble enraged her in a way she'd never felt before. Time to do something, anything to make her leave him alone. She frantically tried to come up with a good excuse to interrupt. Her first preference, stabbing Takamori in the neck with her pen, was right out. 'No, can't stab her brains out... beside, strangling her with my bare hands is so much more personal and intimate...'

Asuka was just opening her mouth to speak when she noticed Rei was staring as fixedly at Shinji and Takamori as she was, despite the sweat sheening Rei's face. Rei also looked a little greener than usual. Something flickered across Rei's face, almost a hint of anger. As Asuka watched, Rei stood up and turned towards Shinji's desk. "Ikari-kun," she began weakly, "I... HOOOORUUGHHHGUG!"

Rei Ayanami began her newest phase of withdrawal syndrome by messily vomiting all over Natsumi Takamori.

Takamori had ignored Rei's rising, and so caught the first blast in her side. Her long, silky black hair seemed to make a shiny, attractive target, as Rei's next couple of heaves liberally splattered across it. "AAAAAA! Get away from me! EW! EW! EW! Stop it!"

"HUUURGUBBBL!" Rei gave one last wave of bile and bits of her breakfast to Takamori's shoes before ceasing and leaning hard against Asuka's desk. "I think I need to go to the nurse's office," she said in a weak voice, barely heard over Takamori's continued shrieking.

Hikari looked aghast at the mess as she ran over from her seat on the far side of the classroom. "Ohmigod... Asuka, can you take Ayanami to the nurse's office? Kugimiya-san, take Takamori-san to the bathroom and help her get cleaned up."

"Ewwww... do I have to?" Kugimiya protested.

Asuka tried not to grin as she took Rei's shoulder and led her to the door. She could feel Rei still shaking under her hand. "Nice shot, Wondergirl," she whispered as they left the classroom. "You really are our team sniper."

"We're a team..." Rei agreed raspily, leaning heavily against Asuka as they walked down the hall. "...You're welcome."

 

[Strypgia]

Ah, there's the Asuka we know and love. See, Shinji, when the mood strikes him to start eating his enemies, goes for the heart. Asuka, apparently, goes for the eyes.

Click to shrink...

Huh... there's an aspect of 'they're just alike' I hadn't thought of: They both go absolutely batshit berserker if you threaten someone close to them. Isn't it nice when couples share a hobby?

Don't get me wrong, I love the sentiment and Rei does actually seem like the ideal team sniper once she gets through the withdrawal phase, but hasn't Shinji been the one to do all of the shooting thus far? Especially with Ramiel, which (IIRC) was the only Angel taken out in a "sniper"-like fashion until Arael's death by Lance of Longinus.

Click to shrink...

It's less 'Rei is a good sniper' than 'Unit-00 is the least combat-worthy Eva, and Rei has the lowest synch rate and sucks at close combat, so let's give her the long gun and tell her to stay back out of the fight'. When they really need precision and accuracy, yes, they had Shinji take the shot versus Ramiel. Higher Synch Rate = better shot. Rei is slotted into the team sniper role less for ability than to keep her from getting torn up. Shinji and Asuka can handle themselves in melee much better than Rei.

...did Rei just admit that she threw up on the other girl on purpose?

Click to shrink...

Well, she was about to throw up anyhow, and that annoying girl was harassing Ikari-kun and upsetting Pilot Soryu, so she figured she might as well aim...

 

[Strypgia]

Relax, everyone.

As grommile said, Asuka is aware there's plenty you can do without 'rounding the bases'. She didn't miss the idea so much as it's just that that is a lot more fun and she rather likes it. Its also hard to de-escalate after you've gotten to go full speed.

There are other things .... than getting hammered like a bent nail.

Click to shrink...

Misato: "Hey, getting hammered is my thing, Asuka! Quit stepping on my part!"
Asuka: "You can't bring the WAFF like we can, granny! And I bet I could still outdrink you, if you didn't have twice my bodyweight!"
Misato: "Oh, there's going to be blood for that, sister..."
Shinji: "Er... Rei, Pen Pen? Beer run, right now?"
Rei & Pen Pen: ~frantic nods~
[Exunt Rei, Shinji, and Pen Pen, stage left]

Next scene rolling along, 1100 words so far today. May have another update before the end of the week. I'm on a flurgen roll...

 

[Stargrave]

This needs an omake....

Click to shrink...

"Whacha doin' Shinji?" Asuka asked, lured out of her room by the sweet smells spreading through the apartment.
"Just a little baking," He threw her a bright smile as he worked around the oven. "I'm making a cake. A German chocolate cake."
"Oh? I knew there was a reason it smelled so divine. What's the occasion?"
"No occasion. I just felt like making something. Plus Misato was all over the idea."
"Huh," Asuka looked around the apartment, "Where is the Beer Baron anyway?"
"Out on an errand run. She said she'd be back soon."
"Ooh?" She pressed certain parts against him, loving the way he tensed up in expectation. "So we're all alone?"
"The cake is almosmffff..." That was all he could say before his tongue suddenly found something else to keep it occupied.

It was unfortunate for the children, and very fortunate for the soon-to-be-overbaked cake, that Misato chose that moment to return to the apartment. "I'm home!" She took her shoes off and walked to the kitchen carrying a large package, where she found two very red teenagers trying to appear interested in anything but each other. "What happened to you two? Hot makeout session?"
"As if. the atmosphere in here is just hot from all the... Baking. So anyway," Asuka did her best to change the subject as soon as possible while Shinji busied himself taking the cake out of the oven, "What do you have there? Shinji said you've been giddy about something earlier."
Misato laid the package on the table in front of Asuka. "Well, when I heard Shinji was making a German cake I figured we could go the extra mile and make full German experience out of the event!" She happily nudged the package towards Asuka, who eyed it suspiciously.
"There better not be beer and sausages in here."
"Oh no silly, something much better. Go on, open it."
Asuka did. It was testament either to the connection the two had achieved over the past few weeks, or to the sheer force of the redhead's personality, that Shinji felt her eyebrows twitch without even throwing a glance at her.
"This... This is a French Maid's Outfit!"
"That's right," Misato chimed, "I thought you could put on a show for Shinji and repay him for all the hard work," She put in a mock sad note in that part, "that he did for us."
You-You-You LECH! You sexual fiend!" Asuka now burned scarlet, a color Misato always thought looked adorable on her. "How dare you? You're literally pimping out a minor!"
"That would mean I was getting money. I'm not. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart to help you two little lovebirds along."
"But it's wrong. It's lewd. It's..." Asuka looked over the offending outfit again, "It's French."
"Close enough. French, German, when you're on this side of the world it all looks pretty much the same. Besides, they were out of beer girls. That would have been my first choice. For a variety of reasons."
"It is not the same! French and Germans are mortal enemies!"
"You've been allied for seventy years."
"What does that have to with anything? And you!" She turned to Shinji who was doing his best to hide behind the cake he was holding. "Aren't you going to say anything? Defend my honor from this perverted woman!"
Unfortunately, Shinji's brain was currently tasked to capacity cross-referencing the terms 'Asuka' and 'French Maid'. Honor really had no part in that equation.
"Typical male!" Asuka furiously grabbed Shinji's hand and pulled him out of the kitchen, carrying the package in the other hand. He barely had time to set the cake on the table. "We're getting out of here before you two perverts get any more ideas."
"Next time I'm buying Shinji a Sexy Samurai Costume!" Misato yelled as they disappeared from view. As she tasted Shinji's quite delicious cake, she wondered how exactly she made it this far in life without their young minds to mess with.

"Stupid Misato and her stupid outfit." Asuka continued fuming, still burning that scarlet color that Shinji also thought looked adorable on her. "Who does she think we are? A pair of bonobos who will use any opportunity provided to go berserk on each other?"
"But we do-"
"I know! That's what pisses me off!"
Shinji tried to come up with something calming to say but his mind was still locked in it dishonorable thoughts and would not listen to instructions. "Um, Asuka... Are yo... I mean, if, you know-"
"Baka, of course I'm keeping the outfit. Just for... Private sessions." She gave him a sly smile. "Besides, I will not let Misato win this by just throwing it away."
A small part of Shinji's mind noted that that logic does not work out at all. It was immediately taken out and shot execution style by all the other parts.

 

[Strypgia]

Update done. Working on 'A Crown of Stars Prologue' next.

Chapter 4.7
Before the Storm
++++++++++++++++

Shinji put the rag back in the bucket and sighed. Cleanup had been fast with Hikari organizing things, but Shinji had the feeling this would not be the last such incident to disrupt their day. The girls pursuing him were persistent. He was too tempting a target at lunchtime, even with Asuka and Ayanami. He needed more cover. Fortunately, he and Asuka had discussed the problem last night and developed a plan.

He turned to Hikari, who was likewise finishing putting away some cleaning supplies. "Hey, Class Rep? Can I ask you a favor?"

Hikari raised her eyebrows, but gestured for him to go on. "Certainly, Ikari-kun. What do you need?"

"Um... I'm getting a lot of attention from some of the girls in class, I'm sure you noticed."

Hikari's expression darkened. "Yes, I have. And they're making you uncomfortable?"

"A bit, yes. And I think they're kind of messing with the joint training we're supposed to be doing right now. Um... but I think if we had a larger group, it would head off them trying to squeeze in to our circle at lunch, so could you come eat with us, as Asuka's friend? I'm going to ask Touji and Kensuke to join us too on my side."

The pigtailed brunette brightened up as he made his suggestion, but went deer-in-the-headlights still when Shinji mentioned his tall friend. She unfroze after a second and flashed him a wide smile. "Um, sure, Ikari-kun! I'd love to help you out like that! It'll be just like Major Katsuragi's promotion party!"

"Thanks, Horaki-san." Shinji smiled. 'Cover obtained, observers occupied.'

That was part two of their scheme. Hikari was Asuka's best friend, and Touji and Kensuke were his. They were the three people most likely to see through his and Asuka's ongoing attempt to conceal their relationship. Shinji didn't like outright lying to them, so he'd suggested they come up with something to distract them instead: set them up.

Asuka told him about Hikari's raging crush on Touji. She'd been only slightly surprised when Shinji mentioned Touji's matching infatuation with the petite Class Rep that he thought no one knew about. Asuka had laughed at the foolishness of the two of them liking each other but failing to see it was mutual, just dancing around each other for months… until Shinji had given her a smirk and a stare.

She'd flicked him in the nose, but acknowledged the point. She'd countered with 'if they're doing the same stupid thing we were, maybe they'll be just as happy together'. He'd agreed to 'give them a push' and see is he and Asuka couldn't help get them together. Hopefully, the spectacle would keep Kensuke from noticing much about Asuka and him, as well as help out their friends.

Now, to rope in Touji and Kensuke… He wasn't even worried about that part. They usually ate with him anyway, or had before the Pilots had been ordered to begin this training effort. The presences of Rei and Asuka and their attempt at declaring lunch to as 'Pilots Only' had kept them off this week. They'd be happy to rejoin him once he asked. A little maneuvering to make sure Touji and Hikari sat next to each other, and Asuka's plan would be in full swing.

He smiled as he returned to his seat. Having a brilliant girlfriend was pretty neat. Having someone who loved him was fucking awesome.

.

Asuka fidgeted in her seat by Rei's bed in the nurse's office. The school nurse had accepted Rei's explanation of a minor illness, and even helped administer the syringe of withdrawal medications Rei had pulled from her pocket before leaving Rei to rest. Asuka had been tasked with watching over her. The requirement that she stay was running into her desire to get back to the classroom and keep any more girls from going after her Shinji and driving her nuts. Still… Rei was doing this because Asuka had told her to. This was her responsibility, and she was the lead Pilot anyway. She had to look after her troops, right? Right.

And as much as she might want to be back to keep the other girls from bothering him, she knew he could rely on him to fend them off. She knew it was irrational to worry about another girl taking Shinji away from her, but she was just as aware that her fears on the topic were not going to be dismissed that easily. He was the first bright thing in her life in years. Even having a solid hunk of man like Kaji named as her guardian in Germany after Misato was transferred to Japan was starting to fade in comparison. Best of all, he trusted her and she trusted him. She'd never had that before. She could be sure without looking that he was right there with her.

Rei noticed her smile. "What are you smiling about, Pilot Soryu? You are… distracted."
Asuka shook herself out of her daydream. "Ah… The look on Takamori's face when you nailed her. That was priceless." 'Nice save, Soryu.'

"She was hurting Ikari-kun, and angering you. You are my friends. I concluded I could take advantage of my illness to help." She kept looking at Asuka's face carefully. "You are agitated, and I thought you did not enjoy my company overmuch. Do you wish to return to Ikari-kun? You do not have to wait with me if you wish to go."

'Oh Gott yes I want to be back with him. Another one of those harpies could be bringing his spirits down right now, and I like seeing him smile, especially at me.' "I do want to go back to class, yes. That baka is helpless without me. And those girls need to stop interrupting our training. They're bothering him and reducing his morale!"

"You care about Ikari-kun?"

'Red Alert! Red Alert! Top secret information threatened! Deploying bullshit deflectors!' "Don't get the wrong idea!" 'The right idea, that is.' "It's not like I like that baka or anything!" 'Well, true, I don't 'like' him. I love him. He makes me feel whole and loved for the first time since Mama. He loves me back!' "It's just that he gets into trouble without me, and I don't want that, it's troublesome to clean up. And he's my wingman! I have to keep an eye on him in battle. I still owe him a debt for saving my life in that volcano. I don't want him to die or anything before I can repay that. It's a debt of honor, and a Soryu never fails one of those! And I'm the lead Pilot, I have to take care of my squad! I care about both of you as teammates!" 'There, that sounds plausible.'

"Including me?" Rei asked. Her gaze at Asuka had not shifted. It was faintly unnerving. "I thought you disliked me, because I was a 'doll'."

Asuka squirmed uncomfortably. "Well… yeah. I did. But it's a lot harder to blame you for acting that way now that I know you're drugged like this. That's why I reacted so strongly… my step-mother tried something like that with pills when I was younger. I know what it's like. It's not like I think you would kill yourself or something just because Commander Ikari ordered you to or such."

"If I was ordered to do so, I would."

Asuka's eyes bugged out at Rei. "What?! Are you crazy? Why?"

Rei's voice was disturbingly calm. "He has raised me for years. He cares for me. If he gave that order, I would trust he had a necessary reason for it." Rei's voice dropped to almost nothing. "…He is all I have."

"Jesus fuck, Wondergirl! Don't ever do that! Kill yourself just because you were told to?! I mean… Gott! Never! We're soldiers, yeah, and we could die anytime, but never just on someone's say-so! Make it for a reason worth it! Look at baka-Shinji! He didn't jump into a volcano because someone ordered him to! He did it against orders, because he thought I was worth risking his life for!" 'And don't you ever risk yourself like that again, you stupid, brave idiot of mine. I love you so Gottdamn much. My damn martyr baka-Shinji…' "He'd do the same for you, just like he said, and… and so would I! Commander Ikari's not 'all you have'! You're not alone! You, and me, and Shinji, we all look out for each other because there's no one else who can in a battle!" Asuka sat back, blinking. 'Did… did I just say all that out loud? And mean it? Damn it, Shinji, look at what you're doing to me. You're making me into a Gott damn hero like you just to keep up. All for one and one for all.' "We're just like each other…" she muttered aloud.

Rei just stared at her. "I see," was all she said.

"Don't… don't be the Commander's doll, First. You're not. Don't let them make you into one." 'Please don't let them make you. If they do it to you, what keeps them from doing it to me or Shinji?' She shivered.

"I am not a doll. I am I," Rei replied.

"Good. Don't ever let Commander Ikari or anyone tell you are, First. Being a real person means the ability to choose. To be able to say 'No' when authority tells you to do something wrong." Asuka took a deep breath and put it all aside. She had to talk about it with Shinji tonight. "How are you feeling? I know Benzodiazepine withdrawal is supposed to be nasty…"

"I am moderating the worst symptoms successfully with the counter-agents and an increase in Diazepam versus the other components of the regimen. I have cut my current dose by over half," Rei said as calmly as she'd mentioned her willingness to die on order.

"Isn't that kind of fast?"

"Yes, but our constant exposure to LCL stabilizes many of our systems against chemical disruption. Our Synch Test tomorrow should help. I will also be interested to see what effects my reduction of dose and exposure to you and Ikari-kun has had on my Synch Rate."

"And the sooner we bring your score up, the sooner we can end this enforced togetherness Doctor Akagi has made us do. You and the Third are fine in small doses, and you're right there with me in a fight, but I would like to be able to just go shopping with Hikari or stuff by myself, too." A smile spread on Asuka's face. "Or just spend a Sunday morning lying in bed, enjoying being alive, until I feel like getting up." 'Or Shinji feels like 'getting up' again, heh heh heh. Gott damn it, baka, I swear I wasn't this lewd before you got a hold of me…'

Rei studied her face intently. "Enjoying being alive…" she said oddly.

Asuka looked down. "Don't tell me I have to teach you that too."

"Not at this time. I am feeling less nauseous." She sat up. "I believe we can return to class now."

"Good. I worry that baka-Shinji might have gotten an entire harem following him by now without me there to keep him in line. Let's go."

Rei nodded, and followed Asuka out of the rest area, studying her closely the whole way.

 

[Strypgia]

Just thought of something: Do any of the kind of drugs that Rei is stopping require regular blood tests? Results would raise a red flag when Ritsuko sees them.

Click to shrink...

After consulting with a couple of the more medically knowledgeable folks on SV, the consensus was that urine tests would be easier than blood tests for this, thanks to the greater risks of a blood draw that often. And yes, Rei's changed dosage would show up... but Rei's not stupid. She knows the only person who can do such tests is Doctor Akagi (or the MAGI), since no one else is supposed to know the First Child is being medicated like this. And Ritsuko is a busy woman. The idea of Rei disobeying a command that she's been told to follow her whole life is almost unthinkable, so oversight isn't as tight as it might be. Next chapter will get into Rei's thinking on it a bit more, so I won't go into it too much right now.

Update! Got on a roll today. Moved some planned stuff to Chapter 5, as 4 was getting too long. 5 is going to be more fun stuff before the drama kicks back in. Chapter 4 concludes here, and I already have the first scene of Chapter 5 written, so probably another update tomorrow.

Chapter 4.8
Before the Storm
++++++++++++++++

"I feel sorrier for the First Child than ever. It just… doesn't make any sense to me, Shinji. Why raise a Pilot inside NERV so isolated that she acts like that? Why drug her if you've had that close control over her upbringing? Why drug her but not us? They can't be all that happy if the results are Wondergirl. Both of us have much better Synch Rates than her. What's the point? Is there some reason they need a Pilot who's willing to die on orders? That's just creepy…" Asuka shook her head against the pillow's soft comfort.

Asuka waited for a response from her boyfriend, but nothing came. "Shinji?"

"He raised her. He's 'all she has'? He… he…" Shinji's arms around her tightened until he shook. "How could he?!"

Asuka blinked in surprise. Shinji was… furious. She'd never seen him this angry. The usual calm expression he gave the world, or the warm and loving one he showed her when they were alone was gone. His face was twisted in a violent combination of anger, pain, and betrayal. She'd seen the Third Child without his clothes a lot in the last two weeks, but she'd never seen Shinji this naked.

"Once a year! Once a year I'd see him at mother's grave. He'd barely say three sentences to me! I ran away once, and he just had the police take me back to my sensei. He didn't even call. I spent half my childhood wondering what I'd done that made him just dump me at the train station and walk away, just seeing his back retreating over and over again in every fucking nightmare! Why wasn't I good enough?" Shinji almost pleaded with her, tears in his eyes. "And then he turns around and raises Ayanami?! Why?! Why did he abandon me and take her?!"

'Yet more evidence your dad is not exactly Father of the Year material. Then again, neither is mine,' Asuka thought. She just held Shinji close and didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say that could explain Commander Ikari's behavior. But she could remind him of other things. "I have no idea, Shinji. But… I'm glad he didn't."

That snapped Shinji out of his rant. "What?" he asked, his brow knotting.

"Would you want to be like Wondergirl? If your father had raised you, you might have ended up like her: a drugged robot ready to die when he orders you to. I… If you had acted l like that, if you'd been raised that way, do you think Misato would have taken you in, that you'd be living here, that we'd… be together? If you acted like her, I'd never have kissed you, and we wouldn't be lying in bed like this right now." She pulled his head down to hers for a kiss. "I like you the way you are, my baka. You're just like me. You can understand me and my pains because you suffered them too. I'm glad you're here and the man you are, Shinji. I was as alone as you, before. And if you weren't here, I still would be."

Shinji relaxed into her embrace and let out a long sigh. "I don't blame Ayanami. It's not her fault. How would she know? But I… I don't know how I could ever forgive my father. He considered it an important enough demand on his time to raise her, however badly. Why send me away? I… I'd still do almost anything to get him to look at me. I hate him so much, but… You know how much that once little scrap of praise he gave me after the Tenth Angel made me feel good. Gods, I'm such a weak idiot if I still want that."

"I agree you're a dummy if you Pilot to try to earn his praise," Asuka snorted. "You don't need that."

"Don't you? I thought that's why you were so driven to be the best Pilot, so people would praise you?" he asked right back. "'To display your talents to the world', you said."

Asuka said nothing for a moment. "I used to," she said softly. "I needed it. I was so afraid no one would want me unless I was the best. I had to make people look at me, or I might disappear. But now…" She freed one hand from embracing him to softly stroke his face. "I'm not as worried. I know, no matter what, that you're looking at me. That if I should fall, you'll keep my memory close. Now I Pilot, I push myself to be the best because I want to be the best, and drag you with me. The two of us, the best in the world, defending humanity. You're a good Pilot, Shinji, almost as good as me. You have a better reason to Pilot now than hoping for empty words from your father."

Shinji looked at her, waiting.

"Misato. Wondergirl. Me. Even the Stooges. The people who care about you praise you, baka. Not lip service from a jerk who's unworthy of a son like you. Forget him. Do it for us. For me especially. I won't have anyone else as wingman but my baka-Shinji. You promised me; You and me, together, against everything. Lean on us, Shinji." 'I need you. I can't even tell you how much. You have to stay with me. You make me strong.'

"Until the end of the world…" Shinji finished their promise. Yeah… I'd rather do it for you, and the others." He buried his face in her hair. "I just wish… I knew why my father is like this. Why he can love Ayanami, but not me?"

Asuka shook her head. "He makes her live in an apartment I wouldn't keep a dog in, drugs her so much I'm surprised she can blink, and has her ready to die on command. I don't think that's love, Shinji. You don't treat someone you love like that. I think you care more about Wondergirl than your father does. Hell, I think I care more about her than he does.

Shinji pulled back far enough to look her in the face again. "So what are we going to do?"

Asuka grinned. "You want to get back at your father a bit? Then let's deprogram his little robot, and free Wondergirl from wanting to die. Let's make her into a real girl instead of his doll."

Shinji gave her a half-smile. "You want to help Ayanami? I thought you didn't like her?"

"Oh, I'm keeping her far away from getting her hands on you, mister. Still no 'Israfel Special' allowed. I'm starting to feel better about her, though, and hate your father a lot more. So we want to take away his toy, and help her really live?" Asuka said. "Then let's save Rei Ayanami."

End Chapter 4

 

[Strypgia]

If Shinji loses Asuka like in canon, his reaction could be even worse

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Yeah, that would be the BAD END. Shinji would skip right past the 'whiny Anakin Skywalker' part and go right to 'Darth Vader with a hangover and a toothache' levels of murderously pissed off.

Great update, Strypgia. Very nice to see the other side--not merely the humor or drama, but the emotional heart-to-heart that is the fundamental core of the divergence.

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Typos fixed, thanks.
And yup, exactly. The sheer fact they have each other, and know it deep down, is what's producing the butterflies. All the 'I love you's and wild bedtime antics are nice, but it's the knowledge that they're not alone or unwanted that's the real driver of divergence. Strange as it may sound for teenagers in love, they spend as much time every night just talking to each other as they spend doing.... other things.

If it's a choice between getting Yui back and losing one disobedient variant of Rei? You can bet he'll find it in him real quick. Even moreso if this Gendo is actually the manga version who's a straight-up monster instead of the wishy-washy "He was a total bastard but he regrets it kinda" canon version.

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At the end of the day, Gendo never loses sight of the fact Rei is merely a means to an end: getting back to Yui. If he has to personally execute Rei XVII to get there, he will. Manga, Series, or most any Gendo... to him, nothing else matters.

 

[Strypgia]

I'm feeling crazy, and got on a roll. I kept running into the beginning of Chapter 5, so why not a double update for today? It's a bit of a short scene, but it's a bonus!

Chapter 5.1
"-we came in?"

++++++++++++++

"Just do it, Misato. You know I'd do it if he'd asked me." Asuka winked in a way far too mature for her age.

Misato gave her a sly smirk. "Oh? So hot to have me out of the house so you can have alone time with Shin-chan?"

Asuka turned a little red. "EW! Don't even joke about that! Like I'd spend the whole evening slobbering over a little boy like baka-Shinji? Please!" She waved dismissively at the kitchen where Shinji was cooking dinner. "I'd love to get my hands all over a real hunk like Kaji, but since he asked you out for drinks and not me, all I can do is encourage you to go so I can imagine it's me instead."

Misato shot Shinji a sympathetic look as she watched his shoulders slump at Asuka's latest insult to his masculinity. 'I saw that, Shinji. I can tell it hurts when she says things like that. You really should tell her you care about her. I think she'd like it. You could stand to be nicer to him too, Asuka. He's pretty cute already, and he's probably going to be as tall and broad-shouldered as his father one day. Grab him while you can!'

Misato shook her head. It was pretty obvious to her sharp little eye that her two charges were more attracted to each other than either would admit (she thought it was cute the way they thought they hid it), but they'd only been dancing around each other since Asuka moved in. Even more so in the last two months: Asuka seemed to go out of her way to poke at Shinji some nights. Shinji would even shoot back sometimes, which made Misato snicker and Asuka flustered, which made Misato laugh even more. He had a snarky sense of humor when he let it out.

It had been making her think of her and Kaji back in college. She'd been hot for the tall, handsome future UN Special Inspector from the moment they'd met, but they'd danced around each other for almost a month before the week where they'd just skipped classes and spent the entire time in her bedroom. Watching Shinji and Asuka, and thinking about the conversation they'd had after that wedding, Misato had found herself slowly edging towards Kaji once again. He still wanted her, even after she'd admitted she'd lied about why she broke up with him. And she still wanted him.

Tonight he'd invited her out for drinks at that bar again. She wanted to go. She could even admit to herself she wouldn't mind if there was more on Kaji's mind than just drinks. But still...

"You sure you two will be alright by yourselves? You're not going to kill Shin-chan for looking at you funny?" she hesitated.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Please, Misato. I can handle baka-Shinji. Somehow, I will control myself against his suave, Don Juan-like charms and not let him ravish me. Now get going. He and I will eat dinner, wash, and I'll send him right to bed."

Good enough for her. Misato grinned and picked up her red NERV jacket. Official wear or not, she looked damn good in it. "Fine. I'll probably be out late. Both of you make sure you're in bed on time." She headed for the door.

Asuka smiled and waved. "Oh, we will. Have a good time, Misato!" She held her pose until she heard the faint rumble of Misato's Alpine A310 leaving the parking lot.

"She's gone," she said quietly.

Shinji came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands dry. "Dinner's got half an hour to cook."

"Oh, how ever will we fill that time?" Asuka wondered in a not-at-all-innocent tone. She grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and dropped him into the chair at the table that Misato had just vacated. She hopped into his lap and twined her arms around his neck. "Mmm, hello there, Third Child..."

Shinji gave her an amused look. "So, you're going to control yourself against my suave, Don Juan-like charms, huh? Not going to let me ravish you?"

"I was telling the truth, just like we always do!" Asuka said piously. "You're much more like 'Shinji the Casanova' than Don Juan," she cheerfully continued. "He was much more cultured. And nope, you're not going to ravish me."

Shinji mock-pouted. "I'm not?"

"Nope. It's a Tuesday. My turn to ravish you. So c'mere."

There was no more talking for a while.

 

[Strypgia]

Hmm..... Misato has always been a bit bipolar in terms how she treated the kids. On One hand she obviously cared for her charges , she took both of them in and tried to raise them as best she could under the circumstances, and she clearly loved the two of them.

But her obsessive need for vengeance against the Angel's has often over come that. Need I remind anyone of the Volcano battle? Sending Asuka into a Volcano with an untested suit of armor and only the thinest hope of catching the thing. Heck she even admits it in the hot spring with Asuka later that episode. It all really comes down to whether she clings to her desire to avenge her father or if her own maternal side wins out.

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Even more than that: she had a reasonable expectation of the suit working as Ritsuko said it would and protecting Asuka up to the design limits.... but it was Misato who flatly ordered they keep diving past those limits when they didn't find the Angel at the predicted depth, even with Hyuga and others pointing out they were now past the safety limits.

Misato did apologize to Asuka for it at the hot springs, yes, but she never really achieved a good balance between treating the Pilots as her kids or her soldiers. After losing Kaji, to prevent grief from consuming her, she let the Soldier take over. This made her do a terrible job of talking to Shinji after he had to kill Kaworu. To Shinji, it was a unmatchable moment of horror and pain when he had to kill his only friend that had betrayed him... but to Misato it was 'One more dead Angel. Good. Next!' That was not what Shinji needed right then.

Yeah, her obsession always made it hard for me to root for Misato and sympathize with her. It's easy with characters like Gendo who can just be hated without reprieve, but Misato made me like her, then hate her, then like her. Much more frustrating.

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It always worked for me. That may be because the soldier's mindset is familiar to me. As Colonel Robert E Lee put it: "To be a good soldier, you must love the army. To be a good commander, you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love." Misato was a very good soldier. Combine that with a terrible, deep need to revenge herself on the creatures that destroyed her family and drove her into catatonia and you have Misato's tragic flaw.

Then again, I can still find moments to pity even Gendo. Well, Series!Gendo, at least. It's a lot easier to do so once you realize that behind the mask he's desperately lonely, hurting, and utterly broken. And quite mad, alas.

How long have you been waiting to post that?

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Just this morning, when I saw the question. Seemed like the perfect response.

 

[Stargrave]

It's not really just her obsession though. Even letting go of the angels Misato is a terrible guardian because she plain refuses to tackle her charges' problems. She's learned to bottle her problems, bury them with alcohol and revenge, sloppiness and militarism so she thinks this is the correct way to deal with issues. What was that advice she gave to Asuka about her past at the hot springs? "Best not to think about those things."Forget it, let it go, and if you can't, focus on something to the point of obsession until you do. Her entire post impact life has been a long sequence of running away from herself and her issues. That's why she always does and says the opposite of what the kids need to hear. She says nothing when she sees Asuka cracking under pressure because she doesn't know how to deal with that. Her only solution would be to tell her to focus harder, but that's precisely what's killing Asuka at the moment. She berates Shinji after Shamshel and again in EoE because those are exactly the times when you bottle your grief down, grit your teeth and power through. Except Shinji can't power through because he's already broken down.

Had Eva been a slightly happier show, the kids would have been a great therapeutic experience for her. As is, she ended up being another nail in their coffins.

That's why the prologue of this fic fits in beautifully with her. Even if she ever noticed Shinji's attraction towards Asuka she would never sit down and have an honest talk with him, to give him serious counsel and encouragement. No, that could be too introspective and if she takes a look inside herself she won't like what she sees. But a lighthearted tease late at night, after a few beers? That's perfect. She could draw his attention to the issue without any of the serious business of dealing with your emotions and heartbreak. The way I see it Misato isn't stupid. She probably has all the clues needed to piece together that her charges are tangling their AT fields. She just refuses to do so because that would mean dealing with the issue, and as long as said issue isn't obvious or catastrophic or both, she sees no reason in the world to do that.

We really need more fic about what a crap parent Misato is and how she gets better at it.