1983 USFL Playoffs
The United States Football League, what a great sports association. You were very fortunate to have been able to watch the regular season in full before Conan's production with Carrie performing some hands off ownership while she also did her best to raise Little George. Before this year, you were pretty neutral on football. Sure you rooted for the Jets in Super Bowl 3, but it never really grabbed your interest and investment like baseball did. That changed with the USFL as Carrie and David managed to create an awesome league that simply blew the NFL out of the water in terms of quality with many smart rule changes to make the game more dynamic while also keeping safety and sensibility, and it just so happened to have probably some of the best talent of the decade playing for its teams in the first season.
You would attend most of the home games in Los Angeles Coliseum, either as part of family outings or being a good Dad and taking Joseph out for the afternoon when the girls weren't in the mood. Carrie may have bought the Lakers, but the Fighting Geese were entirely her own creation, and while you couldnt help but be a bit bashful whenever the name came up, it was truly a team Carrie could look on in pride as one of the great accomplishments of her career. A top tier team that dominated the field with some of the best plays in the sport, and even when they lost it would be a close game where they would give the opposing team hell.
That's not even mentioning the sheer experience of attending a Geese game which even the Yankees and Dodgers would struggle to match. Todd had told you of how attending USC, he had been converted into a college football fan through the fun of attending games and the awesome atmosphere that was present. Something similar played a major role in your becoming a football fan through the USFL as Fighting Geese home games were always packed to the brim with zealous and devoted fans who in a sense became the 12th man with their support for the team and cheers, sometimes causing the opponents to make mistakes. You weren't just attending a game, you were part of an experience.
It was also quite something to have spring head into summer and see just what kind of effect the Geese were having on LA. The county was already Lakers country thanks to the teams previous success and their dominance under Carrie, thus one wouldn't be surprised to see the streets from Anaheim, to Santa Monica, to Hollywood to the Valley be lined with gold and purple jerseys and t-shirts. Soon they would be joined by emerald green jerseys and shirts as the "Flock" as the fanbase came to be known swelled, even having a similar celebrity following to the Lakers whose home games saw a plethora of A-listers sit courtside.
Heck, you'd even say the Geese were already more popular than the Rams and Raiders. The Raiders were somewhat understandable as they had been seen as outsiders from the Bay Area who were moving not for the city but for greed. But the Rams were more surprising, though probably thanks to their recent move to Anaheim that took them out of LA proper which when combined with the mess of last season had more than a few disgruntled. It was pretty amazing, how Carrie seemed to dominate the heart and soul of the local sports scene.
Though when all's said and done, what mattered for a team was that results were produced and a winning season was created to punch a ticket to the playoffs, and in this venture you would say that the Geese did well.
1983 USFL Standings
Western Conference
Pacific Division
3 Arizona Wranglers 9-9 Home Seat Avg: 36,350
Denver Gold 6-12 Home Seat Avg: 59,110
1 Los Angeles Fighting Geese 12-6 Home Seat Avg: 92,536
Oakland Invaders 8-10 Home Seat Avg: 45,848
5 San Diego Devil Dogs 9-9 Home Seat Avg: 54,442
Central Division
Chicago Blitz 7-11 Home Seat Avg: 43,977
4 Houston Roughnecks 9-9 Home Seat Avg: 41,204
Oklahoma Outlaws 8-10 Home Seat Avg: 59,289
2 New Orleans Musketeers 11-7 Home Seat Avg: 54,024
Eastern Conference
Atlantic Division
Boston Breakers 8-10 Home Seat Avg: 34,399
5 Michigan Panthers 9-9 Home Seat Avg: 48,249
1 New Jersey Generals 14-4 Home Seat Avg: 71,575
3 Philadelphia Stallions 11-7 Home Seat Avg: 63,896
Pittsburgh Maulers 6-12 Home Seat Avg: 36,454
Dixie Division
Birmingham Vulcans 8-10 Home Seat Avg: 58,696
Jacksonville Bulls 8-10 Home Seat Avg: 65,489
4 Memphis Showboats 9-9 Home Seat Avg: 49,584
2 Tampa Bay Bandits 10-8 Home Seat Avg: 63,304
The USFL's inaugural season was interesting in how relatively balanced and close in quality many of the teams were. Even the "Worst" teams in the Denver Gold and Pittsburgh Maulers with their 6-12 record had a third of their losses be decently close and didn't outright collapse. This was theorized to be due to the timing of everything, as most players had only two months between the end of college football and their NFL season and the start of training camp, the limited time to form team synergy and establish a team culture and school of thought, and the fact that everyone was playing their first season, almost all with teammates they never played with before. Most likely this will change next year after everyone's had half a year of rest and they know how the rest of the League plays. Still, it was pretty fun overall.
The Pacific Division was firmly dominated by Carrie's Geese who were secure at the top of the pecking order. Steve Young was truly a generational talent and a leader of the league, and Carrie was wise in crafting an excellent team across the roster with a dynamic and quick offense along with a tough as steel defense. The Geese did falter a bit towards the end, but they were still able to be the top of the West and second overall in the USFL. You can definitely see the Geese being leaders to the 21st century and you were proud to wear the uniform. Though it was still kind of weird to think about that the Geese as an organization largely existed thanks to you, their logo from your nickname which Carrie was fond of and your relationship and your personal success in athletics inspiring Carrie to break out into sports.
The rest of the division was filled with fun rivals for the Geese to stand against. The Devil Dogs positioned themselves as the premiere next door rival to the Geese and built upon their name with a ferocious blitz and a piercing run game, just managing to get to the playoffs thanks to the Outlaws and Invaders both losing their last games. The Wranglers were an odd team, playing in Phoenix which caused them to play most of the second half of the season away and a preference for night games at home due to the scorching Arizona heat. Phoenix was going to fix this by funding an indoor stadium, though in some ways this was of benefit as it built the Wranglers stamina with their players rarely accruing fatigue. The Oakland Invaders were heavily embraced by Oakland with the Raider Nation switching their colors from black and silver to blue and gold in retaliation for being abandoned. The stadium atmosphere was nearly as electric as the LA Coliseum, and you attended Geese's away game there before heading off to Hawaii with the Lucas', the Invaders unfortunately winning which made Wally the newfound Raider fan happy. Lastly were the Denver Gold, widely considered to be the worst team in the league thanks to suffering from a shoestring budget that was mainly held afloat by Carrie's loans. Yet in spite of this, the people of Denver loved watching the Gold and they consistently seated above 50k. Huh, guess the Broncos got some competition.
The Central Division was dominated by the New Orleans Musketeers thanks to Daryl having a bulk of his team be NFL vets and converts who wanted a second chance or were disgusted with the previous season. They were considered of roughly similar caliber to the Geese and if the future draft picks were consistent, might be a leader of the decade for the West. The Houston Roughnecks under Bum Philips had plenty of talent but suffered from injuries and some unlucky penalties throughout the season that kept them at .500. The Outlaws were an odd team as while they lost most of their games and had a middle of the road roster, they won decisively in games against the Geese, Generals and Musketeers which made them a dangerous foe down the line. Then there was the Chicago Blitz, suffering from a lack of young talent and injury fatigue throughout the year but could be competitive if their roster would stay intact.
Over to the East was the Atlantic Division which has been referred to as "New Jersey's Playground". Ugh, it was bad enough that Donald stole the prestige of being the owner of New York's team, making Dad turn the Whale into a Geese bar in protest, but the Generals just had to utterly dominate the division, and indeed the League with first place. It was undeniable that the Generals had the best roster in terms of sheer talent, John Elway combined with Willie Gault and Herschel Walker making for a terrifying triumvirate known as the "Golden Trio" which would just blast defenses apart. Some of the NFL's best vets combined with the best stars of the NCAA, obliteraing the competition in their wins and only losing by very tight nail biting games. The Geese managed to beat them this season, but only thanks to a last second one point difference field goal and largely benefitting from home field advantage. Only one year in and they were monsters of the League viewed with the same dread the NFL treated the Steelers, Cowboys and Packers.
The rest of the Atlantic was mixed in quality. Were it not for Trump's wallet, the Stallions would most likely dominate the division and they were frequently a fan favorite for managing to turnaround games with their underdog tenacity. Sly was also pretty happy with the team thanks to their Rocky connections, being a season ticket holder and even doing a few commercials as Rocky for the Stallions which made them just as beloved for Philly as the Eagles. The Michigan Panthers were also another NFL quality team with a very strong balance overall, but suffered from being in the same division as the Generals and Stallions, losing all four games to their division rivals which hampered their playoff potential. The Boston Breakers and Pittsburgh Maulers were heavily mixed in quality throughout the teams, but they both fostered a strong devotion and loyalty of their local fanbases, so at least in there they were a success.
Considering most of their teams were drafted or recruited from the SEC, it made sense that the Dixie Division would have the most balanced record. Had it just been for just a couple of games going differently the entire division could have been flipped in its standing. While the Vulcans and Bulls were both competent NFL-caliber teams, the Vulcans suffered from mediocre coaching while the Bulls had a real talent gap that prevented Dan Marino from unleashing his full potential. Your cousin Kenneth did well as a quarterback though the Showboats struggled to back up his prowess with a lower tier defense. The Tampa Bay Bandits were an overall strong team under Steve Spurrier and their offensive players consistently ranked near the top of the USFL.
West Wild Card
San Diego Devil Dogs 13 vs Houston Roughnecks 31
The Playoffs would start off with a bang with the Roughnecks muzzling the Devil Dogs for their only home game of the playoffs. The Devil Dogs suffered from a mix of issues such as an electric Houston fanbase, a few key injuries on defense which allowed John Kelly to absolutely explode in the pass game, and Bum Philips 3-4 defense shutting down the Devil Dogs offense til the 4th quarter which by then was too little too late. It was considered a great start to the first playoffs, though considering what happened later on, you wish the Devil Dogs had won.
East Wild Card
Michigan Panthers 17 vs Memphis Showboats 49
Your gut feeling about Kenneth O'Brien going places proved to be true as the Tennessee Goose showed that he was a true steal for the Showboats, throwing five touchdowns and absolutely thrashing the Panthers with a 32 point difference. To be fair, the rest of the team was also critical as the game had started with the Showboats receiver running 93 yards for a touchdown, and the defense produced four sacks and three turnovers to keep Ken in constant play. Their previous game in the regular season had been a close Showboats win, but for some reason the Panthers had just collapsed and were unable to keep up.
West Divisionals
Houston Roughnecks 48 vs Los Angeles Fighting Geese 30
Oh how the greatest journeys can be met with a swift and painful end. The Fighting Geese had been heavily favored with +15 odds from Vegas, but in addition to having lost against the Roughnecks in the regular season, the Geese had been plagued with some unfortunate injuries in the defense and Ellard having a hamstring mid-season and being slightly below his peak before the injury when he returned. Perhaps most critical, Bum Philips being the defensive wizard he was, studied the Geese films and managed to crack the code, as one of the Geese's main weaknesses was that Theder had predictable playcalling and leaned more as a conservative coach. It was a testament to the sheer talent of the Geese that they were so dominant on the field, and drove the Roughnecks to the wall, but the Roughnecks defense scheme kept the Geese in check long enough to force three drives to field goals and give the Houston offense more time with the ball and always stay ahead from the start of the second quarter. It was a nasty war of attrition, one Houston won in the end against a tired and frazzled LA Defense. A great game overall, you just hated being on the receiving end.
From Carrie's reports, the Geese were kind of bummed to have ended the season in their first playoff game with lots of players trying to take responsibility and Theder promising to improve his style in the off season. All of the kids had been present, and while Mary and Sarah were slightly bummed, Joseph had been unusually happy and cheerful for such a diehard Geese fan, with it being revealed in the locker room he still believed there was more games to come and cheered up the players that they would win next week, only to be informed by Mary that this was the end. Being more used to the NBA'sseries playoffs and the Lakers never losing in his memory, Joseph didn't understand at first, but when he knew, he was sad and shed some tears, though was mostly composed. Letting down their biggest fan lit a fire in the Geese with Steve promising Joseph they would do their best to advance further next year. A shame, but Carrie was still proud as the Geese had a strong debut and there would be many more seasons for them to go all the way.
Weirdly, this is the second time that Carrie's team didn't win the championship, and it was thanks to a loss to a Houston team in the Playoffs. Just what was in that city to counter Carrie's fortune?
Arizona Wranglers 44 vs New Orleans Musketeers 19
Well, as frustrating as the Roughnecks loss had been, at least the Fighting Geese had truly been fighting until the end. Meanwhile, the Wranglers put up the most shocking upset since the Outlaws great wins with them dominating the Musketeers from start to finish. It wasn't a good sign when the second play of the game is a pick Six for the Wranglers, and the Musketeers truly had to luck out from penalties or big plays as every offensive play was a slog while the Wranglers were explosive in the pass and run game combined with a few lucky turnovers. Everyone expected the Geese or Musketeers to punch their ticket to the Freedom Bowl, yet the Southwest would deny these aspirations firmly.
East Divisionals
Memphis Showboats 14 vs New Jersey Generals 34
Kenneth may be your cousin and Elvis may have been on a roll, but that combined luck it seemed was ineffectual against the Generals arsenal. It wasn't due to any fault of the Showboats who tried their best, but from the start the Generals had dominated and the best the Showboats could do was make two touchdowns off of some very strong pass and rush plays just to not lose in a shut out. No matter the pressure put on Elway, he always managed to find a way and Walker would just be a sledgehammer against the defensive line. With the Showboats and Geese losses, the O'Brians were knocked out of the playoffs, and Donald had bragged in the post-game interviews how Irish luck couldn't stand against his "Genius mastery of football". Ugh, hopefully they get revenge next year.
Philadelphia Stallions 25 vs Tampa Bay Bandits 27
Well, if there was one game which was close, it was the Stallions and Bandits. Indeed, the game has been nicknamed the "Rocky Game" for how it was similarly structured to the fight in the first Rocky. The Stallions making a strong first drive and stunning the Bandits for a bit, then the Bandits would take a firm lead, only for the Stallions to come back and make the game competitive. The fourth quarter was a real nail biter with each team going at it and many short drives. The Stallions managed to close the gap into field goal range with a two point conversion, but when they got the ball back after the two minute warning, the Bandits were just barely able to keep them from passing beyond the 50. A damn fine game for both teams who were pretty evenly matched.
West Championship
Houston Roughnecks 28 vs Arizona Wranglers 14
You almost suspected that the Roughnecks had divine intervention considering the Wranglers usual heat support was gone as the game was a record low 79 degrees with strong winds to keep players cool. From there the Wranglers, despite opening strong in their drive, would continue to literally and metaphorically fumble the game to give victory to the Roughnecks. 10 major flags, four turnovers and bad playcalling were the name of the game. The Roughnecks just needed to continue what they did best and punch their ticket to the Continental Bowl.
East Championship
Tampa Bay Bandits 28 vs New Jersey Generals 33
Another intensely close game for the Bandits, unfortunately this time they decided to recreate Rocky Two with the Generals acting as the trained Balboa toppling the metaphorical Creed. Things were pretty even much of the game with the first quarter being 0-0 and then the second and third being a great chess game across the field with point for point action. The Bandits defense did come in clutch, giving their offense breathing space to hold a lead, but in the fourth quarter the Generals got a second wind and managed to score a touchdown and two field goals while blocking the Bandits to a full halt everytime they got back the ball. Thus, the Generals would earn their spot in the Continental Bowl, with New York City being estatic for the Generals being the first team since the Jets to go to a football championship. Thus, the USFL's first championship was between the team that knocked out the Geese and Trump's team. Ugh.
Continental Bowl I
Houston Roughnecks 16 vs New Jersey Generals 22 OT
The first ever USFL Championship, dubbed the Continental Bowl would be played in the Superdome in New Orleans. It was a nod to David for all of his hard work in founding the League with the Coliseum set to host the Bowl next year as well as it being a demonstration sport for the 1984 Summer Olympics. The Continental Bowl was an odd name for the championship, it having been David's invention as a play on the MLB's world series and hopefully market to Canada and Mexico down the line. It was hard to beat Super Bowl, and unfortunately Carrie's nomination for Liberty Bowl was blocked on it being an existing college bowl.
Unfortunately, the game would not be broadcast on LucasTV, as part of the sharing agreement you had agreed to have ABC broadcast all the playoff games. Quite a shame the first Continental Bowl brokered an impressive 96 million viewers, far more than any Super Bowl on record. At the very least, it was a great advertising opportunity as Lucasfilms was able to show trailers for Dune, Secret of NIMH and Ran. Unfortunately due to time zone differences, you could not watch it live, but you and some of the production crew headed into town where some of the plaza businesses were hosting a viewing in the common plaza for your production crew and some of the town, and to also make money.
Humurously, the game produced something of a squabble between Joseph and Mary with Joseph rooting for the Generals because he didn't want the Roughnecks to win after having beat the Geese, while Mary rooted for the Roughnecks because she liked Houston as the home of NASA and knew about Dad's feud with Donald. Carrie had to play peacekeeper, though truthfully you sympathized with both of your kids for the same reason.
What was surprising about the game was how defensive centric it was. Considering the highlights of the playoffs were explosive offensive plays on both sides, the Continental Bowl was a figurative trench war with the Roughnecks and Generals fighting for every yard. Just as they did with the Geese, Bum's defense strategem was able to keep even Elway in check, but the Roughnecks wide receivers weren't able to create openings for Kelly thanks to the Generals legendary pass coverage. The ball was punted several times by both teams and the red zone seemed so far away with only deep passes by both Kelly and Elway able to score touchdowns. It entered into a war for field goals, but the last drive for the Generals could not score any points as they were blocked before the 50, with them only managing to prevent the ball from returning to the Roughnecks. Thus, the first Continental Bowl went into overtime, an occasion that the Super Bowl hasn't even gotten to yet.
While the USFL adopted a best of three shootout for overtime in the regular season, it was felt by the League that they had to follow the NFL's sudden death overtime for the playoffs, lest fans get mad for the biggest games being decided ala soccer. It was ironic how such a decision could alter the season with it not being in play for the playoffs until the most important game. The Roughnecks received the ball, but they were only able to advance to their 43 yard line before punting it back to the Generals. Everybody across America sat in, getting ready for a half an hour to an hour of grueling duels until the end, but then-
"Elway hands the ball to Walker, Walker evades dances through the line of scrimmage, moves forward with Davis missing the tackle, he's about to get out of- Walker stays in bounds! Walker's sprinting like an Olympian with half a dozen Roughnecks on his tail, he's going! The Forty! The Thirty! The Twenty! The Ten! Walker sprints into the endzone, TOUCHDOWN GENERALS! Ladies and gentleman, the New Jersey Generals are your first ever Continental Bowl Champions!"
Herschel Walker ran 79 yards on the Generals first play for a touchdown, handing them the win and causing him to be named the Continental Bowl MVP. A bit anticlimactic of a finish, but New York and New Jersey didn't care with both states erupting into celebration and Hell's Kitchen the morning after looking like the aftermath of a Yankees win. The New Yorker part of your soul was conflicted, but you couldn't deny that the Generals put in the work and more than earned the title.
Not how you would have preferred the season to end, but damn it it was a great season overall and one of the best ways to open for a sports league. Before the NFL had laughed at the idea of their monopoly being broken, and now they had to face with a true equal who was more popular than them in half of the country. Another great Carrie win.
"Now what did I tell you. When we had our first day of pratice, I said, 'Boys, we're gonna play big league, we're gonna win lots, so many wins, and we're gonna be the very best, like no one ever was. Look at us now, the champions of champions." Donald John Trump said to his locker room, holding up the Continental Trophy to the heavy roar of approval from the assembled team, many wet from gatorate splashes or covered in confetti, feeling absolutely on top of the world from such an incredible season.
"When I signed up for this League, a lot of people I knew, smart people said, 'Donald, why the heck are you going into sports. You don't know a thing about football, you're throwing your money away, it's stupid." Trump said in a condescending tone, making many laugh. "Well those people may be smart, but they don't know a thing about football. They didn't know the things I do, my genius football brain, how we assembled the best team, the greatest team, the greatest there ever shall and will be, to the field. The NFL, a disaster, so messy and so awful to their players. We made all seventeen of their seasons look like hot garbage and their precious Super Bowl look like flag football." Trump added, to many heavy roars and whistles.
"No matter what happens no, no matter what where this League goes, no matter your careers, always remember this. You are the very first, THE FIRST, Champions of this League, and no one can ever take that away from you. We may have some seasons where we don't go all the way, it's possible, I must admit. But no team can ever do what we did, be the first to win this trophy, this beautiful shiny trophy, and make history like we did. Cause there's only one team in America who can claim this, who is it?"
"THE NEW JERSEY GENERALS!" His team proudly proclaimed.
"Now, let me pass the trophy and mic to our wonderful captain and quarterback, THE FIRST MVP, John Elway." Trump said, passing the trophy to Elway.
"Thank you everyone. They say there's no I in team, but there's also no I in New Jersey Generals, and every one of us proved that this season." Elway began.
Trump tuned out his quarterbacks speech as his mind conjured up grand fantasies of where the team would go, his heart dancing with joy and pride of this great, beautiful occasion. If there was one sensation, one emotion that Donald Trump absolutely loved to experience in this world, it was winning. He was born a winner, just like his father, a family of winners. He was meant for great things, and while he stumbled recently thanks to Joseph, he was back in his groove and gonna be even more awesomer.
Trump loved football, it was his favorite sport all his life and he once had dreams of going pro in his childhood, but sadly never had the makings of a varsity athlete. As thee NFL bloomed, Trump wanted in, to take part in the great game as an owner, but those snobbish jerks in the NFL refused all of his attempts to purchase the Colts. When David Dixon approached him with the offer to own a Jersey based team, it was a beautiful blessing. He could own a team in his favorite sport, own a local club that could surpass the Giants and Jets, and he would once more get to compete against the O'Brians through Joseph's daughter in-law Carrie. A shame, what a terrible shame he couldn't beat the Geese tonight, but he beat the team that knocked out the Geese and by proxy, that meant the Generals were beater than the Geese, no question.
That sweet beautiful ecstascy he experienced when Walker crossed the endzone was one he wanted to experience again and again. With his football genius and his players' mastery of the game, Trump was sure he would hold this trophy again. Perhaps, once the League was stable and opportunities arose, he could spread his talents to other sports. Donald Trump, the Sports King, wouldn't that be a hell of a legacy?
God he could go for some McDonald's right now.
