Saturday Morning Coming Down
It was a late Saturday morning in beautiful downtown LA. Contrary to the city's usual state of sunshine and blue skies, the city was rather grim and dull with a strong overcast and cyclical showers. While most went about their day in some level of increased annoyance, some took rather heavy comfort in the weather as silent company. Such a statement couldn't be more true for one John Travolta who was lightly sipping on a beer, lounging on his recliner in a rather hungover fashion as he tried to ease the pains of climbing through the ranks of the system.
All the lights had been turned off and John would have sat in silent and lonely isolation were it not for the ever present and soft company of the radio, playing a score of 50's bops that had once again become mainstream thanks to American Graffiti. John had a television but he didn't dare touch it in the past week for even seeing a commercial brought him shame as a constant reminder that he would never go far.
After spending another tiring week chasing dreams and falling flat on his ass, John just wanted to take a simple quiet day to himself, doing nothing but staring at the rotting yellow wallpaper as his mind did its best to purge itself of the stress through quiet dullness and boredom. Sure, there may have been countless people across the world who were in far dire straits than John had ever been, but it didn't help alleviate the personal hell of failure that he had been going through for a near year.
When John arrived in Hollywood, he had naively assumed that he had a strong foundation to work with to get good parts and become famous within a few years. He had previous experience Broadway experience in Grease and "Over Here!", was a pretty good signer and could play his guitar well, could act with great swagger and confidence, and was pretty damn fine and good looking if he said so himself. Sure it's not like his first audition would land him a starring role in the film of the year, but John was pretty confident that he could make a name for himself soon.
'Boy how fucking cocky and goddamn stupid I was.' John thought with another swig of beer.
Instead of getting a starring part, or any speaking part for that matter, John's first role was "Fall victim" in the medical drama "Emergency!". It wasn't shit, but it was a resume builder and you had to dip your toes in water before you swam right? After several months of playing extras and counting his screentime by the amount of frames per minute, John met James Avery Brooks and finally got an opening shot with regular auditions for guest parts at CBS. It should have finally been the end of the beginning and the start of John's rise to greatness, only it was truly the start of his misery.
Bruce once described the entertainment industry as a factory of misery, and John didn't truly appreciate the description until he started becoming a regular in CBS shows. With his foot open in the door, and a few minor speaking and guest roles here and there, John thought he had it made and it was the start of something great. Only instead of finding success, he found himself as a cog in the machine as he was bossed around by asshat directors who saw him as a living prop in the show, was virtually ignored by most of the main cast who regarded him as little more than a contract worker, and when his roles were done he was often tossed to the side and quickly forgotten as they moved on.
John had tried his best to act to his heart's content, to prove himself and his talent to everyone behind the camera, but for some reason, either through lack of inspiration or crappy material, he could rarely get those instant perfect performances, and many who saw John saw him as a failure and simply demanded more and better. To be fair there were a few kind and decent faces in the crowd, but those were a rarity who even then never gave too much attention to John, easily ignoring him and moving on as he was sucked dry and then thrown back into the wilderness.
Believing that all he had to do was build experience and perhaps prove himself as a reliable guy, John continued to push himself forward and tried landing more and more roles, no matter how minor. Yet all he got was exhaustion and fatigue, more than a hundred different ways to experience rejection from apathy to outright cruelty, and then when he did get the roles, doing his best to network and reach out to be as helpful as possible, just to be regarded as a nuisance or stepping out of line.
Some might say that John should be grateful for what he had, but how could he when no one liked him and all his hard work did was just fill air time and get paychecks with no end in sight or paths for a next step. It only got worse when John could compare himself to his two close friends. Robin was the smart guy who was going to break out in the industry after completing his drama schooling, and while he built up an impressive diploma he killed every opportunity he had with outstanding performances that knocked the wind out of you through laughter. Then there was Bruce, who while he did his best to lend a helpful ear and did somehow believe in John, was someone who John thought was living in a whole other world with a staring part on America's number one show, a break out movie that dominated the box office and boxing against legends as a hobby.
From the bottom of his heart, John knew that those two would go far and one day be living legends and household names who captured the hearts of people across the world with their won stars on the walk of fame. So why then did they bother hanging out with a loser like him?
Suddenly breaking the silent monotony around eleven was a loud and blaring phone call that carried the same weight as a gunshot in a quiet alley. Angry and frustrated that his time was interrupted, John stormed over to the landline and angrily answered, "WHO IS IT?!"
"John? It's me Jerry." Spoke the voice of his agent. While the familiar voice calmed John down a small bit, his stress had only increased due to the intrusion of his career. While Jerry had been a decent agent, he hadn't been able to push John's career forward which made each meeting between the two a stressful affair.
"What is it? I just really want to be left alone today so can we just please pick it up tommorrow?" John begged in a tired slur.
"I would Johnny, believe me, but I've just discovered the perfect role for you and if we don't act soon it's gonna get stolen by a talentless prettyboy." Jerry said, a title that John strongly believed that it belonged to himself.
"Mhm. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I could live in Beverly Hills." John replied.
"Listen John, I know times have been getting tough lately, but this time I really mean it, I think this could be your breakout movie."
The mention of it being a movie and not another tv sweat job was enough to grab John's attention. Due to his small history, the only kind of film roles John could come close to were cheap tv movies, and even then he was swiftly rejected and tossed out of auditions in favor of more well-known faces. The last time he attempted to audition for a movie, he had been sent home without even getting to meet the Director, but if he had an actual shot, then maybe this hell would end.
"I'm listening."
"So for the past couple of weeks Hollywood's been at war with each other, they've been fighting tooth and nail for the screenplay and a lot of money is being poured just to secure the rights and everyone who has a name is looking to sink their grip into the project."
Such a description only made John feel more dejected, "So I'm competing with a bunch of A-listers? Doubt I'm going to be making any Hail Marys."
"Just let me finish. It's a rock musical called Some Nights, story about a struggling rockstar who does his best to balance out fame and love."
"So they're gonna get some British pansy for the lead role? What am I gonna be, a roadie?" John asked in exaspiration.
"I said let me finish! I've been talking to some of the Producers and they say the script is Oscar-worthy and that whoever plays the main character could get an instant nomination if they do it decently. The absolute best part, your meal ticket to success? The lead actress also wrote the script and music, a pretty young woman by the name of Carrie Fisher."
"CARRIE!" John shouted, jolting in surprise.
"Yep, the daughter of Debbie Reynolds, and unless I'm not mistaken, the girlfriend of one Bruce O'Brian, and whose his good friend?" Jerry lead on, placing the bread crumbs for John to connect the dots and see just what the agent was getting at.
After the two arrived on the red carpet of the American Graffiti premiere together and were pictured sharing a sweet kiss, it was common knowledge that the two were an item, and while millions of young women and teenage girls wept at their dreamboat army clerk being taken, even more were hooked on any and all news about their starstruck romance, the media covering them with just as much fantasy and favor as Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds when they were together.
With Bruce now having shed most of his badboy persona with his Emmy and staring role in Graffiti, John no longer had to hide his friendship and wasn't afraid to casually mention he knew Bruce O'Brian. While said information didn't magically open the doors to Hollywood, it did make him somewhat more respected on set, though just barely. One of those people who did know was Jerry who was unafraid to network with any and all people who Bruce had even the barest relations with and wasn't on bad terms.
"I don't know man, isn't Bruce going to star in it?" Even aside from the obvious nepotism, he would more than likely earn the role through his sheer talent and fame alone.
"You see, that's the real kicker. He has not been seen in production even once and they're holding auditions for the lead role, and why would they do that and for the other main characters if Bruce was locked in? Come on Johnny, start thinking."
With the last remnants of his sobriety, the wheels in John's mind started turning, remembering a conversation where Bruce shared his frustrations and hatred with learning music and Carrie speaking of this movie idea she had in the works. He started to realize this was real and he did have an actual shot this time. However-
"I don't know man. I don't want to be a bother and beg for the role, or let word spread around time I only got the lead because I'm mooching off of Carrie's boyfr-"
"ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR GODDAMNED MIND JOHN!" Jerry blared into the receiver, causing John to wince in pain. "Don't give me that bullcrap, do you honestly believe for one second that this town is a place of merit? Most big roles in this town happened because the stars were well connected with the producers and through good word and strong ties they were instantly given the part without any second of an audition. Aside from that, it's fame and luck, you aren't famous, and you sure as hell haven't been lucky lately. Now what you got yourself here is a rare golden goose that thousands of starving waiters would kill you for in a second. But instead of hatching the golden egg, you're making scrambled eggs over a bunch of sentimental nothing. Who gives a shit over what other people say, what matters is that you get the role and you act your heart out, therefore getting more roles!"
John sat their in stunned silence, unable to come up with a suitable comeback, knowing full well that everything that Jerry said was absolutely true, but at the end of the day it didn't erase his feelings of scuminess and shame over begging Bruce for a part in his girl's picture instead of earning it himself.
Silence reigned for a good ten seconds before Jerry continued, "Look John, you want to be a good friend and you want to make it on your own laurels, I can respect that. But no matter what you may think, Hollywood doesn't give two shits and is going to keep on moving with its system. Do you seriously think that Bruce auditioned and earned the role of John Milner through his try out? I'd bet you a million dollars that he asked George Lucas for the part and got it no questions asked because they're friends. That's how the game works John, that's how movies are made.
Look, because I like ya, I'll give you until Monday to think it over and decide how to best approach it. If you don't do shit by then, I'll do my best and try to secure an audition. Maybe that Carrie girl likes you enough to give you an advantage, but it won't be a surefire role unless you get to her through Bruce. John I gotta be honest, I'm running out of opportunities and if we don't strike something now then you're just gonna be a guy popping in and out of sitcoms for the rest of the decade. If you want some real work, if you want to be a star, you gotta work with what you're given or else there just isn't a place for you in this town."
Before John could properly reply, Jerry hung up, leaving him to stew in his dilemma. Maybe, just maybe he could audition the right and proper way and earn the role to finally make a name for himself. However, he was just a starving singer who couldn't even come up with an original song and he was likely to come into tough competition with some of Hollywood's best artists. That wasn't even taking into account Carrie's part in this, how she and John could just barely be called friends and hadn't known each other for more than a few months at best, how she could possibly take his request as an insult or John leeching off of Bruce like a goddamn parasite.
His mind then flashed back to a night that he and Carrie were talking together, and how he had first truly learned of Some Nights.
It was September 15th of 1973, Bruce's 19th birthday. In order to make the day exciting for him and to repay for being absent the previous year, Carrie approached John and Robin a few weeks prior about organizing some sort of surprise party for him. It was an important date not only for her, but for the two young men who formed strong friendships with Bruce because he decided to go wild in celebrating his 18th birthday the previous year.
While the trio initially leaned towards throwing a large party, the lack of a good venue and Bruce's strong insistence that he didn't want to do anything extravagant this year, most likely to avoid a repeat of his previous birthday blackout no matter how advantageous it was for his social life, pushed the three to just celebrate through a small get together of the four of them. Secretly, John was incredibly relieved after pushing the hardest for such as he didn't want to attend a large party where he would be rubbing shoulders with Hollywood's elite with his failure in comparison to Bruce's amazing career on full display.
Thus the quartet engaged in a day of fun, with their journey taking them in the night to a nearby bowling alley where Bruce thanks to his recent training absolutely dominated the games in comparison to their previous trip which was a near equal fight that John narrowly won.
After five games, the four were taking a break and playing some casual games of pool in the nearby Billiards room. With Bruce desperately seeking sage advice on comedy from Robin, that left John and Carrie together with John racking up the balls for the table.
Having gotten to know the young actress for the past few weeks, John would be the first to admit that Bruce scored an absolute bombshell in the making for his first serious relationship. Sexy, smart, funny, talented, rich; Carrie Fisher was a total package and Bruce captured her heart like it was nothing, all while having the audacity to say he wasn't much of a romantic himself. For the briefest of moments John was jealous, but his dedicated loyalty to his best friend and the knowledge that he could never provide a fraction of the love that Bruce had for Carrie stayed his emotions. Just watching the two for a single frozen second and you could start to believe that true love was real.
"So Carrie, Bruce tells me you're something of a writer?" John asked to break the ice as he got the balls into position. While Carrie had taken rather quickly to Robin as most tended to, her and John were at somewhat of an impasse between acquaintance and friend.
"Something?" Carrie repeated with a slightly raised eyebrow.
John placed his hands out, fearing he brought offense, "Oh no, I didn't mean anything by that, it's my exact words, not Bruce's."
Carrie giggled and shook her head mirthly, "It's okay, I was just teasing you. I guess that's a pretty accurate description. I like to write a lot as a hobby, but I don't really share it with anyone and I'm not close to publishing anything, plus it's nowhere near the amount of pitches and treatments that Bruce has." A fact that John could corroborate as he had more than once seen the piles of stories spread through Bruce's apartment; some good, some bad, and some just insane.
"There ain't nothing wrong with that if it's what makes you happy." John said, earning a silent nod from Carrie as he broke the table.
"Well I do have something in the works that I do want to be official someday, a screenplay I worked on last year." Carrie ventured as she lined up her cue stick.
"Wait, an actual bonafide screenplay? A script for a real life movie?" John asked, Carrie nodding shyly as she took her shot, lining a stripe into a corner pocket.
"Hey that sounds pretty cool. Hollywood's been needing some real good stories lately, the town's just gotten so stale and everyone's just copying one another." John said, a statement that Carrie easily agreed to. "So what's this movie about? Though you don't have to share it if you don't want."
Carrie debated silently on whether to share for a couple of moments before speaking, "Well it's a movie called Some Nights. It's a rock musical about a rising rockstar whose on the cusp of getting fame and fortune, but in the process he's losing sight of everything that's important and drowning in the corruption and misery of the music industry, most importantly losing touch with his old girlfriend who was the love of his life, but they drifted apart when he started finding success." She informed, a premise that got John instantly hooked.
"Let me guess, you're gonna be the girl and Bruce is gonna be the rockstar who you're going to save through the power of love?" John teased, bringing a laugh to Carrie who shook her head.
"Probably not. I have to admit I kind of wrote the main character with Bruce in mind to play him, but he's not a Broadway veteran like us and sheet music is just a bunch of gibberish to him." She said.
"Honestly that's crazy coming from the guy who knows Chinese. He can read thousands of characters just fine but eight notes is too much for him?" John complained, earning a distant stink eye from Bruce and a strong laugh from Carrie.
"I know right. But you know, perhaps it's for the best. As much as I want him to play it and act alongside him, the main character Nate is kind of how I imagined myself without Bruce, and I really can't bear the thought of him turning out like that, even if it's just an act." Carrie said.
After a pregnant pause with the two striking a few balls in, John continued the conversation, "So any chance that I'm going to be buying a ticket next year?"
Carrie shook her head, "Bruce is the only person I've shared the script with and with how crazy everything's been and having only appeared in a single tv episode, it'll probably take a couple of years. Besides, even if I wanted to go studio hunting I haven't' really written the sheet music for the songs, just got the lyrics arranged like a bunch of poems."
"Wait, so not only did you write the script but you're also writing an original soundtrack, no ghost writers or Graffiti-style tracks?" John asked in amazement.
Carrie nodded, "Wow that's pretty incredible. I've been trying for months to start writing my own songs for a demo but all I got is a bunch of verses mish mashed together. Must get a lot of talent from your d-mom." John said, remembering at the least second to mention Debbie and not Eddie, as that was one of the things that Bruce drilled into him strictly before he met Carrie was that Eddie Fisher must not exist in conversations.
Carrie might have caught the misplay, but choose to carry on, "No, Mom's got the voice of a angel but she never wrote her songs. I'm mostly self taught, but I met a few interesting people in New York who gave me some tips."
John internally debated whether he had anything to add before he spoke, "Listen, I'm probably the absolute last guy who should be giving advice on how to write music, but those few days where I do get a stroke of genius and write stuff down, I usually go through with it by first all the beats and chords, just play as many sounds as I can until I've laid every possible combination out. Then I start taking all the pieces and get them together like a puzzle or alphabet soup. Lyrics are pretty important, but at the end of the day it's all about the rhythm and emotions carried with the sounds, that's what people care about the most."
As soon as John finished he wanted to smack himself silly, sounding like the most pretentious douche in the room trying to teach someone who was probably more talented than he could ever be.
To his surprise and relief, Carrie returned his words with a kind and soft smile that could instantly melt hearts, "Thanks John, I'll try to keep that in mind next time I get down to writing."
John nodded absently, completely missing his next shot as he did and getting a scratch, "Yeah well glad I could help I guess. I'm really looking forward to whatever you come up with, it's about time the people know that music aint all glitz and glamour and see all the ugly stuff they look away from.
At that Carrie couldn't agree more.
They spent a few more minutes talking about the film with John giving his own two cents here and there and overall finding himself rather invested in the story. Before he could get any deeper, Bruce and Robin returned from their little session and the group moved on to cake and presents.
Ever since that day John had rarely given deep thought, but every now and then Some Nights kept on nagging at the deep recesses of his mind, like it was trying to push at him to get out there and do his part in seeing it come to light. Each time John quickly shook those thoughts away, knowing there was barely a damn thing he could do to really help Carrie and at the end of the day it was her passion project that he didn't really have a part in.
He expected the movie to come out in the late 70's at best, but now most likely in thanks to her mom, it was beginning pre-production and everyone was out on the hunt for a part, including John. Perhaps he could make an honest attempt to audition and win the role through his own merits, but that ever present feeling of doubt and self loathing kept on telling him that it would only be a waste of time. That left the other option, to beg on his knees for a role and hope for mercy with scraps and crumbs.
"FUCK!" John shouted, throwing his half full beer bottle at the aging wall, the glass shattering instantly with John then taking a step forward and stumbling and falling down in his hungover stupor. Feeling at his absolute worst, John curled up and cried over the absolute pathetic state he was in, eager to embrace the comfort of sleep which would delay his troubles for a short period of grace.
John could never point to a specific reason of how or why, but somehow when he woke up, he gained the determination and resolve to approach Bruce about getting a part in the film.
After scarfing down a hangover cocktail and half a box of cereal, John took a shower and dressed as best as he could and made for Bruce's building by taxi. Stealthily avoiding the Scientist weirdos who had propped themselves around the apartment building and were proving to be stubborn weeds in John's day to day, John climbed up the stairs and approached Bruce's door. At the beginning of his journey he was filled with passion as a man on the mission, but with each step he took inside of the building he felt his resolve crumble until it gave way to dust in his heart as he raised his fists to knock on the door, but found himself frozen in fear.
Feeling guilty tears coming on, John wiped his eyes with his sleeve, not wanting to present even more weaknesses to a badass like Bruce when he was approaching his door as a beggar.
"God, I'm such a fucking scumbag of a friend aren't I?" John whispered to an empty hall. What exactly could he have possible done in his one year friendship with Bruce to possibly earn a role in his girlfriend's first movie? Absolutely nothing that's what. Yet he was still here, John Travolta, just a couple of days from becoming Hollywood's next shooting star that fizzled bright for a short time and then blackened into nothing.
Perhaps this whole trip was for the best. If Bruce said no, as he completely had a right to, then it was meant to be and this would be the end of his journey, a sign that he was wasting his time and should head back home. Either he did or he didn't.
'Better than going through the hell of television's revolving door of grunt work.' John thought. The many painful memories of busting his ass off being enough to push him over the line.
John knocked strongly three times, desperately praying that Bruce wasn't home so he could play the role of a coward and head back in excused defeat. However, as usual, dependable Bruce was right there when you needed him.
"Hey John." Bruce greeted warmly, then noticing the turmoil and dark clouds hanging over his friends head, his faced morphed into concern. "Are you alright?"
John shook his head then looked Bruce directly at his eyes, each second of shared contact increasing his shame exponentially.
"I need your help Bruce. Can you help me?
