Mathilde tossed and turned as she lay in her bed in Eightpeaks, sleeping fitfully. Panoramia, forced out of slumber by sharp elbows and murmured snarls, sat nearby nursing a cup of tea, watching anxiously and waiting quietly for her to calm, or for the sun to rise.
"Oh Mattie, what did you see this time?"
............
Mathilde slipped into the room.
The fire had burned low and the two figures lying in the kingly bed were still as she moved quietly to stand over them. No servants disturbed her as she wove ulgu, no other lovers snuck in to snuggle under the bearskin covers. The matrix and the shadowknife drifted into place.
"I'm sorry," Mathilde whispered as she stared down into Heidi's sleeping face, "but you just weren't doing enough."
The matrix triggered, and Heidi's inhalation stopped, and her lungs emptied with a soft sigh.
Mathilde left, not noticing the tears trickling down her cheeks.
................
Mathilde slipped into the room.
The fire had burned low and the two figures lying in the kingly bed were still as she moved quietly to stand over them. No servants disturbed her as she wove ulgu, no other lovers snuck in to snuggle under the bearskin covers. The matrix and the shadowknife drifted into place.
"I wish.... I wish you hadn't pushed so hard. I wish you had just let go of your pride and compromised. I wish you hadn't turned your eyes away from the real enemy... I wish you hadn't made me do this."
The al-Ulric's eyes began to flutter open as Mathilde whispered. She triggered the matrix.
His inhalation stopped, and his lungs emptied with a soft sigh.
...............
Mathilde slipped into the room.
The fire had burned low and the bed was rumpled by the compact body sprawled across a bearskin. The matrix and the shadowknife drifted into place.
"...die well." Was all Mathilde said.
The matrix triggered; Thorgrim's inhalation stopped, and his lungs emptied with a soft sigh.
.........
Mathilde slipped into the room.
The fire had burned low and the bed was soft and comfortable. Panoramia lay in the dimness, eyes closed and a strand of hair fluttering over her mouth as she breathed. Mathilde cried as she began to weave the matrix.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You are such a good person and I love you so much. But you just aren't doing enough, and I can't- I can't risk-"
.............
Mathilde awoke with a strangled sob, sitting bolt upright and choking back tears and horror. Pan was at her side in a moment, wrapping an arm around her.
Mathilde flinched. Pan hesitated. Then Mathilde threw herself into the embrace and burrowed her face into Pan's neck, breath shuddering.
They sat like that, perhaps for hours.
Finally Mathilde's heart slowed, and her breathing evened out. She pulled back, looking up at the soft eyes of her paramour, searching for... something.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Mathilde nodded, and remained silent.
"Can you talk about it?"
Mathilde shook her head.
"Oh Mattie," Panoramia pulled her back into a hug, "I'm worried; I've never seen you like this before, not even after the black college. I'm.... I'm not happy you can't talk about it, but I understand. I wish I could help. Can you tell me why this is hurting you so much, this time, at least?"
"I think," Mathilde swallowed thickly, "I think that this time, I feel guilty."
Pan's breath left her lungs with a soft sigh.