- Location
- At your local SPCA
The only way this quest could have any more snark is if Master Windu challenged Cirian to a 'Friendly Duel' and Mace was actually Samuel L. Jackson.
Bravo, you insane souls, you.
Bravo, you insane souls, you.
May The Invisible Hand Be With You - (Star Wars CK2-Style Quest)
- Thread starter Dr. Snark
- Start date
- Sci-Fi
-
- Tags
- star wars canon what canon tsundere dice ck2 quest actions have consequences all the credits all work and no play makes ciaran a dull girl best sister capitalism ho! despairing qm teetotaller society member gotta catch 'em all insanity looting off the rails sage dice approaching spicy sheev tsundere asajj
- Location
- Queensland, Australia
Apparently, Panory's so bad at writing in first person, they actually write it in second person...
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
"Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfucking Sith in this motherfucking Galaxy! Everyone strap in; I'm about to chop some heads off!"
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- Location
- At your local SPCA
I can neither confirm or deny that I will make this omake. To clarify further...I may or may not have this written down-half way.
Shit gonna be lit fam
Panory
The Omake Dragon
- Location
- New York
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I'm not a fan of either tbh. The point stands.
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
'Every man a soldier! Share the casualties!', 'Damn Chinese... damn French... damn Japanese... also those British... even the Austrians and Italians!', 'The Kaiser is going to impose CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY everywhere, syndicalist scum!'
Now, that that is off my chest as HOI4 has been affecting my sanity I'm back to write Omakes.
Now, that that is off my chest as HOI4 has been affecting my sanity I'm back to write Omakes.
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Max Uristwell
Custodian of the Toobs
- Location
- United Kingdom
D I R E C T R U L E F R O M M A N D A L O R E
That's a fancy way of saying "Kaiser can do whatever he wants". You are going to save so much on printing law books when your constitution is that short.
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
Of course he can! HE IS THE KAISER!
Also... that has just inspired me...
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
Bureaucracy
The galaxy has finaly succumbed to his masterful plans, the Jedi been crushed and the survivors scattered. Now it was just a question of time until he could consolidate all his power and destroy the rest of his opposition. For now he would have to immideately begin to seize possessions and infrastructure which due to centralisation of power and end of the Bureaucrats in the preceding years will be exceptionaly easy.
Palpatine had to chuckle darkly as he now was the most powerfull man in the Galaxy and didn't need to use any subtletely anymore. His victory was complete.
"Emperor Palpatine. I have urgent news." Ah, Mas Ameda. Likely news about the newest 'imperialisations' of industry, no doubt. "Speak. I look forward to them." His flinch was amusing as he clearly knew his position in the New Order allready.
"We... can't seize anything. Nobody knows who owns the industries. The official owners aren't even the owners and have never been involved, the codes for the factories are nowhere to be found, nobody works there and the factories are empty! Even worse, the same is happening in countless systems!"
"What?! Call the Senate into session! I'll personaly declare that the Empire will seize it all as emergency and we will just bypass the proper procedure!"
"I allready called them, but someone has sliced every single databank of the Senate. The Constitution is a mess, every law has been turned into incomprehensible gibberish and the Senate is descending into utter chaos! Nobody can figure out who is responsible for what and has which rights!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
---
Meanwhile on the Oracle - Unknown Regions
"So... how are things going?" Ciaran was having the time of her life as she just diassembled millenia of galactic laws and procedures so badly that even Palpatines New Order couldn't proceed despite his intention to impose his own laws and values anyway. The beauty of transition periods between governments and having A LOT of slicers available.
"The entire Galaxy is confused, Palpatine is likely having a stroke and everywhere equipment, ressources and ships just so happen to disappear into the Unknown Regions, never to be found again." It appears that Gulan was reaching critical mass of smugness. Deservedly as heisting the entire galaxy was unprecedented.
"Heh... I remember that as Senator he complained about the bureaucrats, the red tape and used all that against Valorum. I'm looking forward to what he is going to do without a functioning bureaucracy AT ALL! Now, excuse me... I need to visit two very lovely babies and do my job as godmother... Hehehehe~"
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Poor Palpatine, turns out he is no kaiser.
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
- Location
- Leeds
You give HoI4 too much credit. There are a lot of things gnawing at your sanity.
Dr. Snark
Exactly As Planned...Probably
- Location
- Right where I want to be
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Right. Two more omakes.
I do love how if you do a perspective switch alt-me/alt-Teron does in fact make Ciaran into a total Mary Sue who somehow manages to keep picking up the most popular characters in the franchise and oh yeah, is suddenly able to hold her own against major characters like Dooku because what?
It's hilarious. Anyway, +10, non-canon.
Honestly Ciaran probably has an amazingly petty "screw you Palpatine" plan just in case the whole assassination thing goes awry. Anyway, non-canon, +10.
I do love how if you do a perspective switch alt-me/alt-Teron does in fact make Ciaran into a total Mary Sue who somehow manages to keep picking up the most popular characters in the franchise and oh yeah, is suddenly able to hold her own against major characters like Dooku because what?
It's hilarious. Anyway, +10, non-canon.
Honestly Ciaran probably has an amazingly petty "screw you Palpatine" plan just in case the whole assassination thing goes awry. Anyway, non-canon, +10.
- Location
- At the Edge of Insanity
That would imply that I even have any sanity left which something could gnaw at.
1. Well, I think it would be very fitting for her to not only ruin the Empire as exit strategy but ALSO make them all look like headless chicken in an absolutely petty way.
2. Blame zup for the existence of that particular omake.
3. Blame Dovahsith for the absolute flood of omakes.
4. Ciaran for Kaiserrin!
5. By tomorrow morning I should've gotten all the Kaiserreich memes out of my system.
(Omake) Memories of (the) Home (Canon)
Barondoctor
The things I chase come to me.
- Location
- The other side of the mirror
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Memories of (the) Home
I sat in the safehouse with Arla Fett and Dani Plenar. "Right, your turn to take watch and man the switch, Dani. I'm going to grab a bite. You want anything, Arla?"
The voice of the middle-aged woman who was kin to Mandalore echoed through the hall. "Nah, I'm all right, thanks." Mandalore. The Mandalore? A Mandalore? Mandalore the I Dunno What. Sithspit, I wonder if there ever was a Mandalore the I Dunno What. I really hope not. Look, my brain catches on weird details, okay?
I went into the kitchen and started throwing something together, setting up the datapad I'd brought with me and popping in the memory chit I'd brought with me from the Home. This was what I was really doing. Food was mostly an excuse.
I flipped through the interface and got to the recordings on the chit.
One of the Blackguard pulled back from the camera at the recording, like she'd set the camera on a counter and was making sure it was on. "So from what you've told me, you want to learn who we are, but not necessarily become one of us. You sound like a Blackguard Wilder already, got the basic philosophy down to a Trill."
I hit pause.
-----
During the process of constructing my lightsaber, I'd been meditating on the Force. Somewhere along the way I picked up that the Force was different in some of the people at The Home than others. My curiosity wouldn't leave me alone, so I left my lightsaber parts on the workbench and went for a walk.
I found the part of The Home where Abyss Agents were being trained. Among them were black-clad advisers, some of whom had some odd-looking lightsabers. One seemed to be two-ended, and the other seemed almost more akin to the archaic longsword the lightsaber sprang from in concept, with a crossed guard and smaller emitters perpendicular to the main emitter.
"Who are you, and why are you different in the Force from the students and the teachers?" I asked.
The woman stared at me. "I might ask you the same question."
I felt about twelve eyes jabbing at my back, watching me...but there was nobody behind me. I checked with the Force, and then again with my eyes.
"Your Force aura is toned. Fit. Strengthened, like someone who developed the muscle for climbing mountains by climbing mountains, not by lifting weights. It was not originally anywhere near this strong. You've spent a lot of time with the Matukai," she answered, the expression on her face difficult to read, quirking of her dark eyebrows either intrigue or disgust.
I nodded. "Yes. I was originally a trauma physician, then a combat medic attached to an all-Kaleesh elite unit. I learned the ways of the Matukai from some recordings made by my teacher, Master Veskasa Jansen. I still have them, if you're interested," I said, watching her face as I did.
Mild intrigue at the Kaleesh unit--apparently I wasn't entirely known by reputation yet, which suited me fine, a little bit of anonymity was something I liked keeping--and then growing interest as I kept going. She was practically drooling when I said I still had the recordings.
"So. Now that I've told you about me...you should tell me about you. Otherwise, within a few days I leave this place with those recordings and you'll never get the chance to see them." I recognized leverage when I saw it.
The threat of what she'd been drooling over vanishing without a trace set her face to something considerably more stony. "You drive a hard bargain for someone who's supposed to be a friend."
I smirked. "Never said I was a friend. We work in the same organization. I have something you want. You have something I want. I'm requesting a mutually beneficial trade."
"Fine. I'm a Blackguard Wilder. We're a Force Organization based around the concept of learning about the Force to better understand the universe. To do that, we learn the ways of every Force Organization we can find, and yours is no exception."
I blinked. "Except the Sith. Because they're either dead or very very good at keeping themselves hidden for a long time."
She shook her head. "Except the Sith. Call me Masha. So. You have the recordings?"
I wagged a finger. "Uh-uh. Not that easy. I want your help building my lightsaber in my room, and I want to understand the ways of the Blackguard. I'm not sure how much time I'll have. You help me with the lightsaber, you make your recordings about the Blackguard, and I'll make a copy of my Matukai recordings."
She smirked. "Is that what they call it these days?~" she asked, her dark brown eyes twinkling. "We'll get that lightsaber lit and extended out to its full length, all right."
I winced. "That...wasn't what I...look, when I made my wan-shen I had the assistance of someone who had made one, who knew what they were used for and knew how to guide me without doing it for me. Your lightsaber feels like an extension of you, at least through the Force, so I want your guidance on how I should make one that's an extension of me. Err...that didn't come out right...uhh...look, do you want those recordings or not?" Clearly I would need to step up my quick-witted quipping game if I was going to make it anywhere in the Abyss Watchers that didn't have Kaleesh in it.
"I think we can come to an arrangement, yes," Masha said to me.
-----
I looked down at the lightsaber I had. Yes, I'd made it. Chosen the components, made them fit together on the subatomic level through the Force as was traditional for lightsaber construction. I had a lot of help, though. The biggest thing was that she helped turn 'unknown unknowns' into 'known unknowns', such as the concept goes.
Okay, I'll back up a step. See, there's four kinds of information in the galaxy. Known knowns, unknown knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns. The first is pretty simple: you know that two and two is four, and you know that you know it. The second takes a bit of thinking, but isn't too bad: if you've never flown a particular kind of ship before but you've flown other kinds of ships, you can probably fly that ship. I've heard Incom tends to make the controls of some of their craft similar for this sort of reason. The third is also pretty simple: If you're being taken somewhere to hunt a mumuu, you know that you don't know what one is or how they fight. You turn these into known knowns by asking good questions.
The last, though, is insidious. Unknown unknowns are things you are not aware of your lack of knowledge about. Like a mumuu having two hearts, so if you manage to stick a spear in one's heart it still has the other heart and will keep fighting through it. These tend to sneak up on you and attack you by surprise when you discover that you don't know about them and suddenly wish to the Force you did because that knowledge would be very useful in that immediate moment. Like the mumuu that really messed me up that day. If I'd known it had a second heart, that would have changed my approach.
What Masha did for me with building the lightsaber is she pointed out things I had not realized I did not know, which led to me asking good questions and getting useful answers.
There were also some other unknown unknowns that Masha helped me change into known knowns, but those details are indelibly etched into my mind and do not need to be recorded.
-----
I hit the unpause button and continued to listen to Masha talking about the Blackguard. "When you search through the galaxy, learning other traditions of the Force, you stop thinking about the light side or the dark side. They aren't out there. They're in here," she said, gesturing to her breastbone. "Focus too much on your dark side and you become a slave to your feelings, unable to be objective. Focus too much on your light side and you become dispassionate, stiff, unreactive and unable to change, unable to feel. At least, that's been my experience. Find the balance, between dark and light, life giving way to death giving way to new life, pain and pleasure. Feel the energy between all of them, as it surrounds all of us. This is the Force. Understand this, and you begin to understand the universe. I'll send you more recordings as I have time."
I wasn't sure if I agreed with that impression, but clearly she had some degree of understanding of the Force, so if she understood it that way, she was, at the very least, "touching another part of the mumuu" as the Kaleesh proverb went. Something about how one blind Kaleesh touching the tusks said mumuu were one way, another touching the chest said they were another, and a third touching the flank would say they were a third way; all were wrong and all were right, as none had a clear picture and all were working off limited information.
What limited information I did have suggested that Veskasa repeatedly advised against connecting with the Dark Side and recommended staying in the Light, and she certainly was quite adaptable. There was also Tyro mentioning that there were some Blazing Chains pirates in the past who had gone too far in the Dark Side and needed to be killed for the safety of the fleet, but there was no record of one gone too far in the Light Side.
It was something I would need to meditate upon. What Masha said had a ring of truth to it, and it sounded good, but that might be because I had a certain positive bias towards her.
I threw together a bit of food and ate it there in the kitchen before going back to my spot in the safe house. "All right, Dani. Back on station. Did I miss anything important?"
"Would we still be here if you had?"
Yep. Definitely needed to improve my quick-witted quipping game.
A/N: Started trying to put together Riphath learning the Blackguard ways--after all, their becoming involved in the organization did approximately coincide with his promotion to Abyss Walker. Looked for all the data I could find on the Force organization itself and there's so very little to it (at least if you're not looking to become one) that this partly informed what I crafted-- "You're already halfway there on philosophy with the actually wanting to learn a bunch of perspectives thing, and you killed a what with your bare hands? Look, mate, you're already like ninety percent of a Blackguard Wilder, if you wanna learn about our traditions and other skills I'll be glad to take you the other ten percent."
Also @Teron I'm catching up again you need to start writing more omakes or I'm going to catch you. =P
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- Location
- Australia
That's not how the Force works.
- Location
- North Carolina
Nobody knows how the fuck the Force works. Specially since it seems to change based on who's writing the story.
- Location
- Australia
Ignore the EU.
- Location
- North Carolina
Then you still have to decide between Disney's interpretation and the original version.
Also, we're in the EU
- Location
- Australia
I don't see any difference between Disney and original. Hell, the way it was talked about seemed like a declaration that Disney would go with how the originals handled the Force and not the EU.
Yes but the EU's interpretation of the Force sucks. It tries to be edgy and cool by making things more morally grey than they should be. How the EU handles the Force regarding Light and Dark should thus be ignored.
Barondoctor
The things I chase come to me.
- Location
- The other side of the mirror
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Ladies and gentlemen, once again we have arrived in Unreliable Narrator-ville. Those of you who remember my Kreia omake(s) may realize this is a return trip to this, one of my more favorite ports of call.
If you notice, the one saying these things is Masha. She's a Blackguard. That is to say, Sith that skipped out on Puppy-Kicking to major in Cheating Off Your Neighbors instead. So if she says that the Dark Side isn't so bad and the Light Side has its issues? That's her expressing how she thinks as a character in the story with limited knowledge and some internal cognitive biases based on her history as a Blackguard.
That said, I did just add in a paragraph of Riphath questioning her statements to help clarify that it's not him saying them.
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- Location
- North Carolina
So the Force works the way it works because you choose which interpretation is true?
And considering the events of the Last Jedi, as well as the Clone Wars animation and the Rebels animation, Disney does have a different interpretation of the Force. It was kinda inevitable that the Force would have different interpretations, given how ambiguous it is, and how different writers have handled the Star Wars license.