I'm not going to add to the discussion on the lostbelts and the crypters and whatever. I'm not informed enough on the current plot of FGO to really make a distinction, though I really should be working on that, since I am writing an FGO story.
However, I am going to comment on the structure of this snippet, the one-sided rant by EMIYA, which is probably one of my least favourite narrative flourishes. It's not a narrative thing. It's not a storytelling thing. It's not even a discussion of story themes and character building, developing, or exploration. It's pure author tract, hiding personal opinion as dialogue, while using characters as mouthpieces to get your point across. It's not a discussion, it's not an exploration, it's not even witty, funny, or interesting. It is, as mentioned in the snippet, pure venting. And that's why I think this is probably the weakest snippet in the story so far.
Nevermind the hypocrisy of using EMIYA to rant at Kadoc, or the fact that it's based off an early impression of Cosmos in the Lostbelt that no longer really holds water; I don't care about any of these factors, because they can be swapped out and it could be indisputable fact or whatever, like Ritsuka screaming at Goetia about why his vision of an immortal humanity is terrible, and it would still suck. Because it's no longer about the story. This is personal opinion, being thrown out onto the internet to garner interest and likes - don't pretend this isn't what is going on, because any writer knows that just because you write something doesn't mean you have to post it. And in a thread that is supposed to be about a story, that's just unfortunate.
Goddamn Ritsuka, the main character, doesn't even show up. She doesn't lend another perspective, whether approving or disapproving of her Archer's words or showing sympathy or apathy for Kadoc's plight. We have gained zero further insight on any of these characters from this piece. I have, bluntly put, wasted my time reading this. It tells me nothing except that kamenhero25 hates the Crypters, which I don't need to know about and I don't care about. I care about Ritsuka. I care about the characters. I care about the story, the interactions, the theme of family that should be the strongest thing in this fic, and I don't see it here. Not every scene should build on themes or high ideals or whatever, not every act should have Ritsuka appear or talk about her, she shouldn't be the center of the galaxy. But she should be the center of the story. And for a moment this pivotal, I can't believe she's not here.
This snippet was disappointing, because it gives me nothing and takes nothing from me but time. It's pure personal opinion and doesn't even give me further insight into the creative process behind the story.
If you really were venting, you'd have written it and moved on.
