Lights... Camera... ACTION!!: A Hollywood Quest

[Kaiser Chris]

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart at the River Styx
Directed by: Kenji Misumi
Produced by: Shintaro Katsu, Hisaharu Matsubara
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilms Unlimited
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Kayo Matsuo, Akiji Kobayashi


Audience rolls:D100 => 95
Critic rolls:D100 => 100
Profit: $12 million
Lucasfilms profit $7 million​

Holy Shit.

You thought that Seven Samurai was the peak of Japanese Cinema, one of the greatest of film, but it seems that as time goes by a greater masterpiece rises to the occasion, and such can be seen in Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart at the River Styx, a film if you were honest was starting to make you reevaluate how you approached filmmaking and gave you feelings that was only matched by Some Nights and Cassablanca.

When you put Lone Wolf on the docket, you had rather naively assumed that it was a meh Samurai movie that was just going to make you a couple mil, something you wanted to get out of the way to go to the real moneymaker in Godzilla. All you knew was that it was a sequel to a film which had been unfortunately released by Toho International through third parties, and your friends in the Toho branch of North America kept on hyping the series up as the greatest that had ever come out of Japan. Being rather consumed with script writing and handling the Warner fallout, you didn't give much thought and just had Distribution go for a mild national release so it wouldn't get in the way of Josey Wales. Then, for probably the first time ever, one of your imports started getting MAJOR mainstream media attention. Not scandal like Lady Snowblood or Godzilla's fanfare, but high unanimous praise from your common man to the highest critic that this was one of cinema's greats. Siskel and Ebert were even quoted as saying they gave the film "Four Thumbs up" to really let it be known that this film was goddamn amazing. Very intrigued, you took Carrie out for a movie date night and the two of you were blown away from what could be described as pure visual perfection.

While it was a sequel, the plot was very simple that you wouldn't get lost watching it while Mike was apparently kind enough to splice up a background montage with narration from Mako. During the Tokugawa shogunate, the protagonist is a Samurai by the name of Ogami Itto served as the executioner of the Shogun. As part of an elaborate conspiracy to worm themselves into the Shogun's government, a rival clan by the name of the Yagyu Clan murder Itto's wife and frame him for treason against the Shogun. When his infant son choses the path of vengeance over seppuku for his father, Itto along with his young son Daigoro become wandering Ronin, with the Lone Wolf seeking justice for the death of his wife and vengeance against the Clan who turned his liege lord against him. There were a lot of parallels in the story with Lady Snowblood only Lone Wolf was a hell of a lot less graphic and intense, being more akin to a traditional western/samurai. Also just saying the two were close felt like an insult to Lone Wolf as while Snowblood was awesome in its own right, it was a pauper against a king.

The second film, Baby Cart at the River Styx, appeared to be a heavily transitional film of what was apparently a six part series that had been released in three years. Baby Cart focused on Itto adapting to the life of a Ronin mercenary and the struggles he and his son face against the Samurai and Shinobi of the Kurokawa Clan, vassals for the hated Yagyu while Itto achieves his first victories in his quest and has a semi-romance with a beautiful female assassin by the name of Sayaka. Everything about the film was perfect and the only criticisms that exist are due to personal opinion and taste. The writing was equal to Shakespeare's best with a legendary epic full of drama and hardship with the human spirit shining through. The actors from high to low had some of the best performances you had ever seen with Itto's actor Wakayama equaling Toshiro as Obi-wan, hell he could have been Obi-wan! You and the rest of America also fell in love with the father-son dynamic of a hardened and silent badass being a protective father over his cub, with Wakayama showing great duality in the deadly executioner and quiet but strong unconditional love and compassion for his son. The fight scenes were peak Samurai and in many ways felt Star Wars without lightsabers. Cinematography was gorgeous with each shot feeling like a painting and the score was so good it could have stolen an Oscar from John Williams and everyone would cheer. It was perfect. Perfect. Everything. Down to the last minute details.

It was a crime so horrific it made Watergate look like a misdemeanor that Baby Cart at the River Styx didn't earn nine figures. Hell you wanted to shoot yourself for releasing it right under Josey Wales and not dedicating a shit ton of marketing to it that it deserved. At the very least, you got a decent seven mil and while not a financial blowout, you felt you earned something more important. With unedited and authentic showings of Japan's finest, you started to see the xenophobia and ignorance of American audiences imparted by the Greatest Generation towards Japanese films die down as your passionate cinephile was starting to demand more and more Japanese films to show up at the theaters. Hell, Universal lead a coalition of the establishment to Tokyo to try and scoop up as many Japanese film rights as they could, only to be completely stumped when they learn that Toho and the other giants had a firm partnership with Lucasfilms. Undeterred, they started scouting the rest of the world for hidden gems, and you felt you were going to see a lot more foreign films get immediate releases stateside.

Speaking of IP rights, the comic world was in a storm over the film. Apparently, the Lone Wolf and Cub films were based off of a comic series, or manga as your Toho friends were very keen to correct you. Hearing that Lone Wolf and Cub originated in graphic form made the comic companies very excited because to them if Japan could turn their manga comics into legendary films, then why couldn't Superman or Spider-Man become titans of Hollywood? More importantly, they wanted to get the rights to publish an English translation and were fighting like starving wolves to get the right. Having just imported all six manga sets for Christmas, you could see why with the black and white panels being paintings that your average DC or Marvel comic couldn't come close to in quality. The rumor mill also shared whispers of other mangas being bid on for translations, and who knew what literary treasures laid in such an untapped industry.

To think that there was thirty years of Japanese post-war cinema filled with classics to rival Hollywood's greats, and you not only barely scratched the surface, but you had near unlimited distribution rights for the rest of the decade. And the best part? There were still four more Lone Wolf and Cub movies. Oh you were going to have some fun times with Toho to be sure.

Also you had a very strong feeling that this new trope of a Lone Wolf and Cub was going to become very popular in the next generation of action films and shows, if not become a staple of American entertainment. You didn't need to look further than Lucasfilms itself as a week after the film's release, Dave barged into your office with some script about a Mandalorian and some weird baby gremlin Jedi.

 

[Magoose]

Lupin III: Strange Psychokinetic Strategy

Directed by: Takashi Tsuboshima

Produced by: Yutaka Fujioka, Kameo Ōki

Starring: Yūki Meguro, Eiko Ezaki, Maria Anzai, Shirō Itō ,Kunie Tanaka, Rinichi Yamamoto, Minoru Uezu

Distribution (USA): Lucasfilms Unlimited

Audience Roll:D100 => 64

Critic Roll:D100 => 36

Profits 3 Million

Lucasfilms Profit: 1.5 Million​

----------------------------------------------------------------

"So… Disney Rereleased a film. Just to fuck with us?" You stated calmly, despite the anger going far into your heart.

"Japan loves Disney. And no offense. We were not going to win that battle. Not yet at least." Mike replied. "But we made some profit, and that can be turned into goodwill."

"Like what?" You asked.

"When I was in Japan, met an animator while I was there that really hated you, called you a self-righteous imperialist hypocrite who doesn't know art, is a shitty actor who is more interested in money and his own personal glory, than he is about actually building a positive legacy."

"And?" You asked.

"Honesty, considering how there are people in that country that will worship the ground you walk on like you were the emperor himself… Well… It was a breath of fresh air. Did you know that there are multiple job offers from Toho? They really wanna put you on TV there."

"Put that on my desk and I'll look at it." That made you smile. "Way to see the bright side in life. You get his name?"

"Not a first name, just his last name. Miyazaki." He replied. "Just an animator. Tapping him in for some kind of directing job there."

"Well, keep me posted."

Reward: Despite iffy performance from the onset, and Disney doing some shifty shit, it made some money.

Not enough to make Toho confident, but, they are a little worried about if the Market is shifting again.

Japan's Movie and TV Studios are trying to hire you for their projects.

You have learned that some animator named Hayao Myazaki genuinely hates you for some reason.

Oh well his loss.

 

[Magoose]

The Olympiad with Bruce O'Brian
Directed by: Bruce O'Brian
Produced by: Bruce O'Brian, Team USA, PBS, and the US Olympic Committee
Starring: Bruce O'Brian, Team USA

Audience Roll: D100 + 30 => 117
Critic Roll:D100 + 30 => 125


Viewership Roll EP 1:D100+10 => 93
Viewership Roll EP 2:D100 + 10 => 99
Viewership Roll Ep 3:D100 + 10 => 100​

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If Hollywood ever failed you, or just the simple fact that if you could never find work outside of Lucasfilms or Japan, you could always count on The Olympic Committee offering to make this an annual documentary for the organization just to pay the bills.

You could totally see it happening, seeing as it aired on PBS to record-shattering numbers. You think that because of the cheapness of the documentary, your style makes you imaginative on the day, and just treating it like a film for a contest then one that would make money, or see the light of day.

Because it seems America got a win that they have not had since the End of Vietnam, and that was entirely on your shoulders that they wish to heap Praise on.

Now you were not out to make a dry documentary about the Olympic Team… no you were out to tell a story of the young men and women who wanted to be part of it. So you decided to use experimental storytelling methods that you and George sometimes talked about for linear stories, and a little bit of camera trickery, to get the whole thing to be both exciting and awesome.

You made sure everyone was an active participant in the entire. From you running with a handheld camera through the streets of LA, saying hi to everyone, to the scrimmage with Team USA that was blurring the line between cameras on the court, and cameras on the sideline, really thrusting everyone in the action.

Shirly was your favorite to shoot, because Todd came up with a way to make the Camera waterproof and still film, by placing it inside a plastic bag. You only had one shot… but you took it.

And it worked. Getting a clear picture from under the water as she dove in, and glided through the water.

And you decided to use your ability as a host to make sure that the questions during interviews were personal, but also funny, because at this point, why would they view this as anything more serious than the Olympics themselves?

It was funny when doing the second round of interviews because honestly, you managed to ask so many funny questions that made them at ease.

You had rolls of over 20 minutes of everyone just laughing at the questions because that's what was needed.

And the American public loved it. It was like seeing the humanity of the athletes, and it was certainly showing them just how much they trusted and loved, and cared about their craft.

Your craft too.

You made heroes out of everyone, but honestly, you weren't surprised that everyone pointed it to you.
-------------------------

Reward: Unknown Posative Effect on the whole American Publics morale. You just captured lightning in a bottle with three superb episodes of Television.

Unknown Effect on American Performance at the Olympics.

There are rumors that every politician in California and beyond is singing to get an endorsement from you.

You may or may not have inspired other Olympic teams from other nations to do something similar.

+5 to Directing Skill.

 

[Magoose]

Taxi Driver:
Directed By: Martin Scorsese
Produced By: Michael Phillips, Julia Phillips
Starring: Robert De Niro, Jodie Foster, Cybill Shepherd, Harvey Keitel, Peter Boyle, Leonard Harris, and Albert Brooks
Distributed: Lucasfilms Unlimited
Audience Roll:D100 + 10 => 105
Critic Roll:D100 + 20 => 109

Budget:1.9 million
Domestic Growth:23,194,151
International Growth:29,102,053
--------------------------------------​

You are starting to think that Last minute heroics were the Eisner Divisions' usual bread in butter, considering all the fun things that they had to do during the five days they had to work with before the release of the film once you got the rights for five million dollars. Somehow, Martin got the film done, and edited once he got the word with his editors…

In three days.

Never have you seen Martin work so quickly, when he had a clear vision.

Well, they say tremendous pressure creates excellent art.

And then it proved to be financially successful.

Fuck Colombia for trying to get this film caned, you were witnessing a master at work. And while you were going, to be honest with yourself, having only worked with George and TV directors, you would not call Martin a true master, he was truly the best artist that Lucasfilm had.

You only hoped that he would realize that sometimes, what people wanted to see was some entertainment, than art, and you hoped that he could reconcile that. Because as much as you wanted to have the ability to write a blank check and have him do whatever the hell he wanted…

You had learned from Mike long ago that sometimes, the best way to do things to get the art is to secure the profits first.

You thanked your lucky stars that the strike screwed over most of Hollywood because you believed that it wasn't going to make that much money.

But it seems Lucasfilm had a reputation for releasing, if not masterful foreign imports, than the first round of truly great Hollywood films.

Much to Colombia's cringe, and Universal's ever-growing enmity in the press, Lucasfilms was here to stay, perhaps not as a competitor to Universal, but it would survive in an industry that was changing, where others failed to change.
---------------------------

Martin was just sitting down at the desk of a new office all the directors, save for Steve because he wasn't back from filming Close Encounters… had, the perk of getting contact with Lucasfilms, and with almost nobody in the bureaucracy that works for the whole thing… And he looked at you with all sincerity.

"Thank you." He said. "I mean-"

"Don't thank me, thank Mike, I'm just the one he rolls out when he's serious and needs to get what he wants."

Martin then sighed. "You know, I wasn't expecting it to be a big hit. I didn't even believe it was going to be a big hit… But somehow your people did that."

"Well you're part of the family Martin, I can't think of anything we wouldn't do. Most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

"We only have a few rules for our directors, you've read them." You snarked. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I remember telling Paul that, whenever we worked for someone, we always got a two-picture deal, one for them, and one for me." He then sighed. "I know you might ask me to do a picture, as a director, I just want you to know that I want to be able to do my movies too."

You nodded. "Come on… I think you should have more faith, Martin?"

"Maybe I should… but it just seems too good to be true."

"Believe me, I know."

AN: Damn… This was great.

Hopefully, Martin understands that sometimes, you may have to make some Rollercoaster movies, to get to the real art.

There can be both popcorn, and art.

 

[overmind]

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart to Hades
Directed by: Kenji Mizumi
Produced by: Shintaro Katsu, Hisaharu Matsubara
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilm Unlimited
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Go Kato, Isao Yamagata and Yuko Hamada.

Audience: D100 => 119
Critic: D100 => 100

International Box Office: $25,000,000
Lucasfilm Unlimited Profits: $12,500,000​

After the success of the previous Lone Wolf and Cub film you'd raised your expectations in both the monetary and artistic sense for when it came to the sequel. Mike had even gone full form on this film to promote it and make sure that every single fan of the previous knew when and where they could watch it.

The fact that the film had at one point nearly been distributed by Columbia Pictures before they backed out of the deal had nothing to do with it, you're sure.

But it does its part, along with the considerable fanbase the previous film generated, to once more drive everyone to the movie theaters to see the newest offering by Lucasfilm, and the results were everything they expected and more. America, and really all audiences, do want to see what happens to the heroes in movies once the film ends, and Ogami Ittō's journey through bandits and Ronin, along with his son is just the kind of climactic adventure that everyone wanted to see. Once more, Ittō took hold of his sword to protect those more unfortunate, yet also left shades of grey in his methods and execution. Of particular note was the emphasis that the movie put in questioning the code of honor, and what being a good man actually meant. The Ronin character of Kanbei, masterfully played by Go Kato, although appearing only briefly and in selective scenes, nonetheless still makes you care and wonder about his life.

Sometimes you wonder why is it that movies such as these are left to linger, when all the other crap the studios just seem to throw out get top billing...but not this time however. An audience has grown, an audience who's seen what Japan can offer to the west in terms of plot, storytelling, and even Directing. Audiences packed the theaters, eager and thirsty for more of Ittō's fights, more father and son bonding, more violence and blood...and they were not left wanting. The movie had everything they wanted and more, the violence was not over the top but just the right amount to underscore a scene. The blood was not gratuitous but neither was it shy when it came to appearance. The discussion on morality was not preachy but neither was it absent, instead it was brought to the audience in a combination of sight and speech that asked you to think and come to you own conclusions. It was a movie that truly explored so many angles while making sure to entertain its audience.

Already you can hear the frustrated yelling from the other studios at having lost this undiscovered market, and trying again and again to push aside your contracts in favor of theirs. If they're smart, they'll make sure to try and learn as much as possible from the films to improve their current ones (You're sure Universal is already doing so, Disney and Columbia you're not so sure) just like you're sure both Martin is doing. He actually seemed to like this one.

Huh, a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

Critics were not left behind either when it came to praising the film, with many claiming it deserved a spot in the Best Foreign Film Category in the Oscars (now that would be something to see), or at the very least an honorable mention. It only helped inflame the desire to see the film, so in a way, you owe the critics for finally recognizing true cinema when they see it. Toho was surprised as well, not expecting such a response from the American Market when it came to this series in particular. They were proud of their Godzilla series, and had spent decades in the American Market to create a niche for it, only for a couple of movies to nearly match it financially and become the new flagbearer when it came to Japanese Cinema. They don't know how to react, and last you heard there seemed to be a newfound rivalry between the producers of both franchises. Both sides are already talking to Lucasfilms and asking for their next movie to be the next one to be released, and Mike of course is loving it as he plays both sides to get better benefits from their already signed contract.

You really don't know what to think of him sometimes, but here and now you'll just let him have this. Lucasfilms Unlimited just made a cool 12.5 million, brought true cinema art to theaters, and started a new franchise war in Toho. All in all, this is a big a win for you.

 

[overmind]

Godzilla Vs. Megalon
Directed by: Jun Fukuda
Produced by: Tomoyuki Tanaka
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilm Unlimited
Starring: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Hiroyuki Kawase, Yutaka Hayashi, Robert Dunham, Kotaro Tomita, Wolf Ohtsuki, Gentaro Nakajima, Sakyo Mikami, Shinji Takagi, Hideto Date, Tsugutoshi Komada, Kenpachiro Satsuma.

Audience: D100 => 109
Critic: D100 => 29

International Box Office: $27,000,000
Lucasfilm Unlimited Profits: $13,000,000
​

It had been a while since a good Godzilla movie had been released to the public. In fact, Toho had been concerned that their most profitable franchise was not getting the recognition it deserved, with most of the attention going to already finished ones like the Lone Wolf and Cub series. Things had been getting hectic back in Japan, with the Producers from both franchises arguing about which movie deserved another distribution, and rumblings for other employers mentioning how another franchise could take center stage as well; something about a blind swordsman.

Anyway, Mike made sure to take as much advantage over the inner fighting in Toho, with the next film in the Godzilla franchise being the winner, and with the demand from Toho that you give the King of Monsters the comeback he deserves. Mike was quick to assure them that it would be done.

Big words Mike, now if you were able to keep them...

To be fair, Mike did put out all the stops like he does with all your previous distribution deals. Promotions about the King of the Monsters and his comeback to the big screen. Magazine interviews and images of the many new antagonists and protagonists of the film. Jet Jaguar did make an impression on those who read them, wondering if he was going to be a new ally or enemy. And there was not that much to do to convince Theaters to show the movie, they knew very well that every Godzilla film always delivered in the end.

In the end, it all came down to the movie itself, and the results were...something alright.

Oh who are you kidding, it's freaking hilarious!

Short, fast paced, if you can call it in any way, it's that it is a kid's film that just so damn entertaining that any moviegoer can be guaranteed a good time just seen the shenanigans both Godzilla and the humans (and the Seatopians, can't forget them) get into; The story of three scientists creating a robot called Jet Jaguar, whose armor is in pure bright colors. An underwater Kingdom who sends a giant monster to destroy Earth because of the Nuclear Bombs testing, yet the monster can barely walk and needs help from Jet Jaguar to even know where he's supposed to go. Jet Jaguar then being sent to get Godzilla, and help him fight by growing into a giant robot with the scientists amazed that it could even do that.

And don't even get you started with the physics defying "Godzilla Flying Kick". You don't think you've heard a theater room laugh so hard in a long time now. You can get where they were going with this film, a criticism of Nuclear Power and the dangerous tests that come from it, but the message gets lost during the entire extravaganza of colorful and campy battles, old enemies returning to fight, and the "Jet Jaguar Song" they put near the end. Heck, you're wondering if this entire movie was actually a set up for a new franchise involving Jet Jaguar considering he has more screentime than Godzilla itself.

You haven't even mentioned how Gigan makes an appearance because of course he does! Frankly, the entire audience loved the movie from beginning to end. The first act is a bit slow but is held up by the comedy and absurdity of the situation, while the rest of the movie is pure fast action Kaiju battles that is just pure popcorn entertainment. What more can you ask? You don't know, except that you'll be going to see it again like many of the moviegoers have been doing.

Well, perhaps it's not the comeback that Toho expected, but it's a comeback nonetheless. Audiences in America once more go to the movies to see the King of Monsters, and the growing Japanophile fanbase for movies have accepted this new entry into the franchise

Now if only you could say the same bout the critics, because if there was a single weak spot into this new entry into the franchise then it was them. Perhaps they had grown spoiled by all the deep emotions, tragic past and deconstruction of what it means to be a good man that were shown in the Lone Wolf and Cub movies, but they certainly did not expect this, and they were angry. They excoriated the film to heaven and back, calling it the lowest denominator in the entire franchise, cheap children's entertainment that should not be taken seriously, and for those that liked Kaiju movies they have gone so far as to describe it incredibly, undeniably, mind-numbingly bad and one of the poorer moments in the history of kaiju films.

Geez, tough crowd. And that's without even mentioning the many attacks at the acting (give them a break, they're children!), the costumes (It's a rubber suit, what do you expect!) and the special effects with it mostly being stock footage from previous films (...okay they got you there), they just seem to find fault with everything and anything. Geez, can't you just sit down and enjoy some mindless Kaiju battles between an underwater kingdom monster, an earth monster and a space monster along with a giant robot?!

There's even those who are accusing you of sabotaging the movie and it out like this, apparently just because you happen to support the use of Nuclear Power and the movie is criticizing its use. Not even remembering that this movie was done over 3 years ago. Yeah, top notch journalism right there guys, you make them real proud with every word that comes out of your mouth.

Whatever, it might not be the success Toho wanted, but it is a success nonetheless.

 

[Magoose]

Rocky:
"He Likes You… He Wants to Fight You."
Directed By: John Guilbert Avildsen
Produced By: Mike Eisner, Bruce O'Brian, Irwin Winkler
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith
Distributed: Lucasfilms Unlimited
Film Quality:D100 + 100 => 199
Audience Roll:D100 + 100 => 198
Critic Roll:D100 + 100 => 195

Production Budget: 1 million
Domestic Growth:184,464,767
International Growth:149,800,010
Total Gross: 334,264,777

Bruce's Profits: 33,426,477​

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Mike spent 4 million dollars hyping up this film as the Great American Underdog story and left the production without any cash for barely all the production… which would have been something that you would have fired Mike for, but considering the results, and the fact he was very clearly making sure the production ran right, fast and under budget, it made you wonder just what else the man could do…

You were sure that Great adversity, made Great Art… and the fact that he didn't spend a dime of that 4 million until after production wrapped. And everything was done.

That much was something special when you looked at the huge lines for Rocky that night. Everyone was captivated by Slys personal story of finding his own life, and success, with a one and a million shot.

But you were more focused on the man who was looking at the truly… marvelous spectacle. Sylvester Stallone was on the red carpet, looking at the crowd, looking at the people taking pictures, hell even looking at his fellow co-stars.

Carl was leading everyone into the first showing, but Sly stood back, waiting for you to show up next to him. "You know, I was wondering just how much my life has changed because you took a chance with me?" He said as he waved and you walked beside him.

"Maybe you'd still have your movie made." You stated. "I still can't believe you gave Mike a producer Credit?"

"I owed him for what he did for the film. Irwin did most of the work after that, Mike just made sure we stayed on schedule. And make it so that film is as big as it could."

You nodded. "Still think he could have warned me that he was spending my money on… Well, advertising."

"You know what Mike is good at, so let him work with what he is good at." You replied.

You then sighed before you were embraced by a sobbing Sylvester. "Thank you, Bruce, for everything."

"Any time Sly.
-----------------------------------

It surprised you just how much Rocky cooled off for audiences. It made money and lots of it, but there were other films, and some people thought that Rocky was just a little too sappy after a few viewings. But it was still a brilliant debut for Sly and everyone else, as well as Lucasfilms first original production.

America fell in love with Rocky Balboa, and the critics were lauding it as one of the best and most personal films made in the decade.

Some even called it the best sports film of the decade, and it was going to be nominated for many Oscars in the coming year.

A few, very lone voices, called it the Greatest Sports movie of all time.

But it was making so much money that you worried just how much everyone was getting paid.

But Mike made sure most of the profits went to the War Chest.

He wanted to start looting… everything that Warner had.

And Sly, well… you knew one thing he did immediately after he got his first paycheck.

Get his dog something to eat.

Because that dog, before you, and Mike and everyone else… believed in him.

Reward: Rocky has dominated the Box office and the Critics, some even calling it the best sports movie ever.

It has also made Sylvester Stallone a new icon of Hollywood… he has made clear that he would never allow anyone but Lucasfilms to touch his beloved Rocky.

You have helped Restore hope in Sly's life, and that is something he will never forget.

 

[Kaiser Chris]

Submersion of Japan
Directed by: Shiro Moritani
Produced by: Tomoyuki Tanaka, Osamu Tanaka
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilms Unlimited
Starring: Keiju Kobayashi, Tetsuro Tamba, Ayumi Ishida, Hiroshi Fujioka and Yusuke Takita

Audience D100 => 51
Critic 100 => 20
Profits: $2 Million
Lucasfilms Profits: $1 Million
​

Welp. It was kind of inevitable that Lucasfilms would produce a stinker, nobody was perfect after all. At the very least your first "bomb" was a Toho import, and it technically wasn't even a bomb as it still made money but the negative reception still made it seem as such. You don't know what the hell was lost in translation as Toho kept on hyping it up as the perfect disaster movie, like Godzilla without Godzilla that was sure to have America on the edge of its seats. Instead what you sat through was a very boring disaster movie that everyone seemed to agree was a discount Earthquake even though Submersion came out roughly a year before it.

So the plot was about how some scientists discovered that Japan was in danger of literally sinking into the ocean floor due to some plate tectonics pushing it into a nearby trench. The protagonist is dismissed by the Japanese government as alarmist but is able to work on predicting the event ad making safety precuations thanks to some wealthy backers, all the while starting up a romance. After a disastrous Earthquake in Tokyo, the government switches its tune and tries to help as best they can, but Japan runs into major issues of trying to ship over 100 million refugees and all of their neighbors hating them too much to open their doors. The second half of a film is a very slow slog which switches between melodrama politicking and very bad disaster scenes until Japan anti-climatically sinks and the film ends in a very heavy downer as 60 million Japanese die and life kind of just goes on without any hint of optimism or hope.

To start off with your disappointment, 2/3rd's of the movie weren't even the actual disaster movie! Instead of just focusing on the earthquakes and sinking and showing some great special effects and drama in natural tragedy, the majority of the film is just boring scenes of politics or a very cliche and forced romance plot involving two actors who didn't have any chemistry. The politics also kind of brought down the movie a lot by just acting as filler to pad runtime between disasters. It was a rather bold choice to just have the Japanese government agree to support the scientists and organize an evacuation halfway through instead of just being stubborn idiots, and on the one hand you had to admire that kind of optimism that government could work for the people and do its best even if it didn't end in victory. But the problem was by removing said conflict, there wasn't really any stakes in the politics scenes and it just amounted to the Prime Minister begging for aid, continually told no by other countries, then getting some help at the last second as a disaster happens, all while performed by a mediocre cast who could give meh performances at best.

Maybe this movie could have been saved if it had good disaster scenes, but oh boy were they bad. The special effects were very amateurish and reliant on model sets which showed their fakeness and were captured with bad cinematography. You were sure that ILM could have made a better disaster movie while drunk off their ass and using only the interns, and in fact most of the team packed a theater one night so they could see what NOT to do for future Lucasfilms projects. The editing and storytelling was also really bad, it just cut away from the protagonists with no involvement from them save for the beginning and end disasters, its very slow volcanic eruptions and flooding that a grandma could outrun the disaster, and there weren't really any personal dramas or action to latch onto; the victims were just props who kind of just accepted their fates. Earthquake had both heart and spectacle, stuff this film lacked in spades.

As much as you admired Japanese cinema, you didn't think they were completely perfect, but such a stinker being a major success over there was something that confused the hell out of you, while Toho in return didn't understand why America liked their "masterpiece" of a disaster film. After long conversations with Toho international, you think that the reason for success in Japan is because the film resonated emotionally with a lot of Japanese as a sort of metaphor for the trauma of World War II and the theme of Japan's past sins haunting them by their neighbors refusing refuge and thus condemning half of Japan to death really spoke to a lot of Japanese viewers. Decent stuff, but it went completely over the minds of American audiences and the critics had a field day just blasting it to bits and knowing they were right.

Against Rocky and a host of other summer films, Submersion of Japan had no chance even if it was great. The timing was also pretty awkward in that Universal released a war hit called Midway on the Battle of Midway. It was a damn good war movie and were it not for Star Wars you'd say that it contained the best special effects you ever saw with the dogfights being similar in quality to the early stages of Yavin. Actually it might not have been too much of a coincidence as Mike's Men revealed how Universal's new SFX used George's Dogfight reels as the blueprint for Midway's battles, and unfortunately it was different enough that there was no room for a lawsuit. While you hoped it wasn't the case, a high quality war film of America giving Imperial Japan a bloody nose may have made June and July a bad time to release a Japanese import.

 

[Kaiser Chris]

The Tale of Zatoichi
Directed by: Kenji Misumi
Produced by: Ikuo Kubodera
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilms Unlimited
Starring: Shintaro Katsu, Masayo Banri, Ryuzo Shimada, Gen Mitamura

Audience:D100 => 75
CriticD100 => 54
Profits: $3 Million
Lucasfilms Profits: $1.5 Million​

After Submersion of Japan it was a nice relief to cleanse your pallet with The Tale of Zatoichi, giving you a nice film to watch before you headed to the Olympics. While Japan sucked at disaster films, at least they could be relied upon to produce good Samurai movies.

The plot was about a blind masseuse and Samurai named Zatoichi who is hired by a Yazuka to defend against a rival Yakuza lord who hired Zatoichi's best friend who has a terminal illness and actually looks forward to fighting Zatoichi so he may die with honor in battle. The fight scenes were pretty cool in how Zatoichi had a unique fighting style for using a katana and martial arts while blind with his super senses, and aside from the fight scenes the movie had a nice mix of slice of life and comedy as a good majority was about Zatoichi living his daily life.

If you were to describe the movie in simple terms, it would be simple fun and a decent popcorn flick. Unfortunately it lacked the perfection and artistry of the Lone Wolf and Cub series, a point that critics used to unfairly blast away at the movie as mediocre, but everything in writing, acting and cinematography was decent with the fight scenes standing out for quality and creativity. If you did have to criticize the film for one aspect though, is that the slice of life and comedy while a good time, at certain parts of the movie went on for too long as if the film kind of forgot it was a crime-samurai film with those aspects disappearing almost entirely in the second act.

Not bad, but not outstanding either. Had Zatoichi been released in a quiet month like January or February you're sure it could have been a decent hit. Unfortunately, it went head to head with the other studio's premiere blockbusters, quite a few actually having been released months ahead of schedule so they wouldn't have to compete against Star Wars. Universal also pulled some business shenanigans to tightly lock the number of theaters who would take on Zatoichi, so a mid performance was the best you could get. Blind samurai tho...maybe you could do some fun with the concept in Star Wars?

 

[overmind]

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in Peril
Directed by: Buichi Saito
Produced by: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Hisaharu Matsubara
Distribution (USA): Lucasfilm Unlimited
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Yoichi Hayashi, Michie Azuma, Asao Koike, Tatsuo Endo, So Yamamura and Shin Kishida.

Audience: D100+40 => 130
Critic: D100+40 => 105

International Box Office: $25,000,000
Lucasfilm Unlimited Profits: $14,500,000​

You're not going to lie; you'd been hesitant about releasing this one. Not for any lack of faith in the franchise of course, if anything you'd felt that this was the one that would make even Godzilla fans acknowledge that there was another worthwhile series that could come from the East. And yet, the last couple of months had shaken you; the utter failure of Submersion of Japan had shocked you, and the low returns from The Tale of Zatoichi just added insult to injury. When Toho finally explained the context, and why it seemed that Americans did not get the same love for the film that Japan did, you'd started to feel hope once more that Zatoichi would do better...if not for Universal and their own films being released early and taken much of the interest of the viewers away of course.

Add to that the fact that this is the first entry of the franchise that has a new director in and your concerns were becoming more valid. So it was that when the release date arrived and you decided to go see the movie on its first showing that you were once more left stunned by the huge amount of people just waiting to get a chance to see the next entry!

In the end, you should've had more faith in the fans of the movie. Sure, they may like what Universal, Fox, or even the soon-to-be-gone Warner Studios may have to offer, but they had all been enthralled by the tale of Ittō and his son Daigoro, and they were not going to miss the chance to once more see the stoic father and son duo and their adventures through Japan.

You decided to go to the first showing and found yourself pleasantly surprised that while a bit different (and some may call "lowbrow") when comparing it to the first three films, the story still has much of the charm of the original ones while also adding it's new characteristics that somehow also feel organic to the franchise; from Daigoro's first moments of independence when he runs into trouble yet manages to get out of it on his own, to Ittō's paternal reliability when it comes to protecting his son while also showing signs of mercy while interspersed through the fights during the film.

Overall, the tale of Ittō and Daigoro's journey this time around is one that shocked the viewers in a good way, and left them anxious for more; it's a tale of vengeance of a disgraced woman going after those who wronged her (in a way evoking Lady Snowblood now that you think about it) while Ittō's been charged with finding her and bringing her to justice. Yet at the same time is as always mixed with adventures between those who continuously chase after Ittō and his son, the separation between them as Daigoro goes on entire adventure of his own where he has to avoid those who would chase after his father, and yet when he's cornered and without recourse chooses to fight rather than surrender or say anything incriminating. Ittō's final fight with Gunbei Yagyū and later with Oyuki (The killer he'd been hired to find) in a way also showcases his sense of honor and respect as he understands it; he refuses to kill Gunbei, as he believes that he does not deserve the honor, yet when it comes to Oyuki, he does it quickly so that she may go in peace and granting her honor in the end.

The film really makes you question about the idea of right and wrong, the powerful and those without recourse, as well as justice and what may become of those who find that no other path for them is available to obtain it. You know, it always astonishes you when a movie manages to touch on such kind of issues while also delivering such an amazing story and entertainment for the viewers. The critics also loved the film; finally, Lucasfilm brings something worthy from Japan again, they said, heaping praise upon praise on the film, the actors, the characters, and the overall growth of the franchise. They did not even find any fault with the main antagonist being a woman who unrobes herself to fight, finding it inconsequential to the overall message of the movie.

Both sides however were in tether hooks by the end, and both sides were clamoring for the next installment to be released now rather than later. And you could not blame them; the sight of Ittō asking Daigoro to remove the sword that had stabbed him in the back, and then walking into the night while also pushing the cart with his son in it, left you with a feeling of anxiety that demanded to know what is going to happen, if Ittō will survive, what will happen to Daigoro! You and every single one who has seen the film are waiting for the next one with baited breath!

Toho was of course pleased to see the results, dismissing the previous months as a fluke, and looking over their catalogue of films to see which one could replace the Lone Wolf and Cub franchise once it runs its course. Then again, there are some mavericks in the studio that are suggesting to revive the franchise and start making more films again, seeing that they clearly are superior to the oversized monstrosity that are the Godzilla films. Which of course pissed off that franchise's producers leading to a whole new round of arguments again.

As for you, well, you only need to convince Mike to release the next one faster.