FATHER QUEST - A Cartoon Network: Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Cross Over

[Ancient One]

Omake: Construction Work

Father frowned to himself as he looked over his new blueprints. Upon them the design for his newest personal project. A giant robot with which to enact his will. Or at least there would be soon enough. Once he had figured out just what he was going to make. That part was unfortunately rather slow to come to him.

He chewed on his pipe as he thought. It was possible that he could just fall back on an old favorite. His old mansion hadn't been the only thing demolished after all. His garage containing all of the older machines had been wrecked as well. Even his old favorite machine had been reduced to little better than scrap. With the computer and the bots themselves wrecked he would have to rebuild them himself. Or rather use employees and potentially the knight bots to do the actual labor.

The first thing that came to mind was to rebuild his old favorite. The Really Really Incredibly Destructive Machine. Ugh he really needed to come up with a better name for it. That was just a mouthful to say and would get old really fast. It made sense to do so. It was easily his most powerful machine. Being more than capable of dealing with any of those KND remnants that might be hanging around. As shown with how it made mince meat out of those five brats and their treehouse a while back. At the same time it could deal with those monsters that had started cropping up like that fish creature.

The cost and time to do so was just out there. There was a reason he had rarely ever used it. And only allowed his children to use it the once. Father knew that they had tried to build their own lesser version of it. That one had gotten wrecked during some plan of theirs at school. Not surprising really given they didn't really know how to build their own. Just being able to build a cheap knockoff of the original.

That machine was expensive as heck. Only someone with a lot of experience with mechanics would understand just what went in to it. The materials to construct the hull alone would be more expensive than most skyscrapers and similar structures in terms of scale. Do you think normal steel could withstand laser blasts like that? No that was specially crafted armor custom made to endure all kinds of punishment. Getting a hold of it all would be a real exercise for his wallet.

That wasn't even getting in to all of the weapons and gadgets. All of the custom made machinery and parts that went in to it. The mechanisms and regeneration tech installed in the tendrils. The servos and gyroscope in the quartet of legs. The needed miniaturized firing mechanism for the rocket launchers. Don't even get him started on the flaming chainsaws. You had to properly balance the chemicals for the flames while ensuring the saws themselves were not hindered or damaged by the heat. That had been a long bout of trial and error to make. Not to mention the sheer size of it would make the entire thing take a sizable length of time to complete.

That was the reason he rarely used it. If it got damaged, however unlikely that was, it would take a small fortune to fix just one system. It's why he had specified not one scratch to his children when they borrowed it. His pockets while deep were not infinite. He would rather not invest so much while his businesses were still out of sorts even if he could technically do it.

So that left him to build something else then. The only question to that being what?

@HellaCooltricks

Giant robot.

 

[Ancient One]

Omake: Potential Upgrades

Father frowned to himself as he looked over his half completed blueprints. The project was coming along if rather slowly. Too slow for his taste, but he supposed you could not rush genius. At least not when you were the one doing the work. It would be convenient if you could though.

Pausing to think for a moment he let his eyes drift across the roof. Eventually they settled on one of his knight robots. The mechanical suit of armor standing guard in the corner. He then invisibly frowned as a thought occurred to him. His knight bots were quite frankly underperforming for him.

The idea had just now come to him. Pausing for a moment he let his mind roll back to the past. In particular the time the KND invaded his home. Oh he had not made it easy for them. His defense systems were impressive in their own right. Unfolding from various angles across his otherwise immaculate mansion to attack. Then of course when the brats got close the knights had marched forth to fight them. Buying time for him to complete his scheme. Though that particular plan had ended in failure.

Still though that was all they really did. It was a common trend for his work really. No robot he built in a short length of time or mass produced could hope to compete with him. They really only served some support role or were used by his children who lacked powers of their own. Before now he hadn't really thought about it much.

Now he looked at them with a more critical eye. His security was still present in the renovated mansion. Still it had been beaten before. Now that he had rebuilt it more for pleasure he was keen on keeping it secure. Especially now with things around the world turning into a real mess. He wasn't completely caught up yet, but even a passing look around could tell him that much.

The current model was lacking in terms of ability. They had been defeated by those KND brats far too easily for his liking. These were literal children without real combat training and ramshackle weapons. Logically they should have emerged the victor. Or at least held back the brats better.

It seemed to him some upgrades to the design were due. The first of which he decided would be the weaponry. Outside of the fiery variants they possessed no ranged ability. Father distinctly remembered them just marching to the enemy with hands outstretched. Getting pelted from afar and a good number being knocked down. Perhaps replacing one of the hands with a laser weapon would work. It would require some adjustments to the programming to aim and fire, but was easily doable.

The second would be their durability. Or at least their ability to take a hit and get back up. He was fairly sure those brats were shooting ice cream during the invasion. That would need to be taken care of. Maybe some adjustments to the kegs to ensure stability and bracing. Maybe a few changes to the composition of the armor itself.

The last was their intelligence. They were quite simply dumb as bricks. Just marching forward into ongoing fire was a sign of that. That was going to be tedious to do. It would require rewriting their programming to do so. Maybe some adjustments to the processors as well. Tedious and time consuming, but still doable.

Well that was what he had employees for he supposed. He would go over the new design after he was done with this project. No one was invading his home any time soon. Not if he had anything to say about it.

@HellaCooltricks

Giant robot

 

[Ancient One]

Omake: Potential Return

Chad Dickson grimaced to himself as he looked over the reports that he had received. The words on the paper painted a grim picture. Things were not looking good for teens across the world. Or for the kids for that matter. Or really anyone outside of a few powerful individuals. Needless to say he was not a fan of what was happening.

He remembered all too well what had happened not that long ago. It had been arguably the worst experience of his life. Unless there was somehow something worse he had somehow forgotten about. Unlikely as that may be. He remembered the awful wheezing laughter of that old fart Grandfather perfectly. The awful glowing eyes of those who had been caught and transformed. The weathered corpse-like skin he had seen. The frantic beating of his heart as he fled their claw like fingers. Then hiding desperately hoping that they wouldn't find him. God it had been awful.

Now he found himself back where he usually was. He had only heard of how Grandfather had been defeated. All he knew was that Father had been the one to do the deed. Somehow vaporizing the old bastard in one hell of a fight. Where he got the power to do it Chad didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know either.

Unfortunately things had taken a turn for the worst after the geezer was defeated. Even after the old man's magic had been undone things were still a mess. Whole new problems had cropped up out of nowhere. Or rather things had come to a head on various fronts and were now spilling out of control. How they had gone unnoticed until now was beyond him.

Things should have been looking up for the teens. The KND was gone for all intents and purposes. Only a few remnants lingering without the resources or man power to build back up. The thought still made his heart ache. The adult villains had fallen apart without Father to keep them together. Not to mention with their arch enemy gone they just sort of drifted off not knowing what to do anymore. It should have left the teens with the upper hand. It turned out to be anything, but that.

That weird old ice wizard freezing things that was just plain crazy. An insane tyrannical AI that could mess with time and make monsters. That admittedly terrifying blond girl who had literal demons working for her. What could only be described as a weird magic storm in other parts of the world. Giant monsters appearing out of nowhere. It was all just too much. The Teen Ninjas were tough, but they couldn't handle all this. This chaos was well outside of their area of expertise.

His eyes drifted back to another piece of paper to the side. One of their operatives had reported back an important bit of information. Father was back after his extended absence. Apparently having returned to his usual stomping ground and rebuilding his old mansion. The only question was what to do about it.

The idea of going to him had crossed Chads mind. The teens couldn't handle all this themselves. Father had worked with them in the past so it wasn't too far out there. The problem was were they willing to. He would never admit it aloud, but the adult villain terrified him. Even more so now after knowing he had destroyed Grandfather. The more rebellious part of him didn't care for the idea either.

That wasn't even taking into account the others. Steve and Cree were both swamped in their own work. Either going through reports like this or trying to help out in the field. There was no telling what they would say on the matter. He knew Cree was still shaken up by what had happened. He had no idea what was going on in Steves head.

Sighing he turned his attention back to his work.

@HellaCooltricks

US government.

 

[Ancient One]

Omake: The Working Man

Hank Hill hummed to himself as he sorted through his paperwork. Around him his new office was coming together quite well. A large floor to ceiling window to his back. A black spinning office chair to sit in. A large metal and glass desk before him. A new computer to help him keep track of things. Two more wooden chairs set up on the other side.

Yes things were looking up for him. He was still amazed that he had promoted to CEO of the corporation. He was a bit sad about the increase in demand for his time. Still this just gave new opportunities for him and the family. He wasn't complaining about the increase in pay. Peggy was certainly thrilled about it. Last he talked to her she was gushing about maybe getting a new purse. Why she needed a new one was beyond him, but he decided against arguing.

Still he wasn't sure what exactly to think about all of this. Or to be more accurate the man who had given him the position. Father was a truly strange individual. He understood that the wealthy could at times be rather eccentric. Still his new employer really took the cake. The name alone was deserving of a raised eyebrow. It felt bizarre to address the man as Father when he knew full well who his parent was. Even if his relationship with said old man was rather strained. It wasn't due to him either.

What kind of man was he anyway? The man seemed to be perpetually shrouded in shadow even in broad daylight out in the open. Only his pale yellow eyes being visible. It even extended to that pipe of his. Was he even using that thing for the usual stuff? He couldn't recall ever seeing any smoke. Then of course there was the emphasis on seemingly every other word and the constant low level aggression he seemed to give off. Not that he had spent a great deal of time with him.

Then there was the whole fire business. Which was rather off putting in its own right. Part of him wondered if the man was some kind of demon for a minute. Then the more logical portion of his mind kicked him in the head for thinking that. He would not have stepped in with the fish monster if that was the case.

Now Hank didn't claim to be the most perceptive person. All that subterfuge stuff and rumor mongering was beyond him. Still even he had to admit that something was going on with the world. You just had to pay attention to the news to see it. Too much stuff that didn't seem to match up with what was reported. Like blaming unusual explosions on gas leaks. Hank ran a propane store for years. He knew what those incidents looked like better than anyone. Something fishy was going on in the world. Things were changing and not necessarily for the better.

So something in him told him to stay close to the man called Father. His gut told him he and his family were safest if they stuck by the man and stayed on his good side.

Hank just hoped he was right about that.

@HellaCooltricks

US government.

 

[HellaCooltricks]

Turn 1 Results!
[X] Operation: D.E.A.T.H. and T.A.X.E.S. (Doing Everything Acceptable To Help Take An eXceptional Enterprise Skyward)

Spoiler

-[X] Smash KND Holdouts (DC 60)
--[X] Toilenator
-[X] Reach out to US Government (DC 60)
-[X] Restructure Adult Co. (DC 65)
--[X] Hank Hill
-[X] Catch up on the news (DC 20)
-[X] Build a giant robot (DC 60)
-[X] Find a wizard (DC ?)
--[X] Check in on your sister-in-law (Father)
--[X] Call the moonbase (Father)
--[X] Go through your rolodex (Father)
--[X] Work on Sir Toasty (Father)
--[X] Hold a barbeque (Hank)
--[X] DESTROY THE KND (Toilenator)

ROLLS:

[x] Smash KND Holdouts (Toilenator)
DC 60 (CF 0% CS 10%)
1d100 = 35 + 37 + 5 + 14 + 3 = 94
Success!

It feels pretty swell to go out there and get your hands dirty. Well, figuratively speaking. Fire often leaves little more than ash, and even that gets vaporized or dusted away. In either case, you scorch away what few little camps, tree forts and bases the KND had left over. The remaining forces who hadn't already run for the hills quickly get the memo, or wind up back with their parents, under permanent grounding (a few even take away the stairs.) Those that do escape spread the word of your return! For better or worse, the KND now knows that Father is back and means business!

To add a cherry on top, Tolienator bumped into… well, you wouldn't call him a friend, but you've learned that Nightbrace has lingered far behind the rest of the pack, fighting a long, long, long, long one-man war on bad teeth, one visit at a time. Perhaps a checkup is in order.

KND Forces have been removed from your immediate territory!
Chance of KND raids has gone down!
Nightbrace (HERO) has become Hirable!


[x] Reach Out to US Government
DC 60 (CF 4% CS 6%)
1d100 = 43 + 21 = 64
Success!

It takes a bit of waiting on the phone, and by the end of it, you are almost ready to explode on the first person who picks up. But when they finally do pick up, you are greeted with a government agent who seems to be well practiced in relation to super-villainy; after a brief de-escalation, you and the agent do reach some common threads. While he was surprised that the voting office you called knew to transfer the call to him, and that a supervillain would have the gall to straight up call the government, but seeing as you are also the owner of a semi-major megacorporation, he is willing to broker some sort of… liaison.

Gained opportunity for meeting & possible liaison with the US Government!
Opened diplomatic channels with the US Government!


[x] Restructure Adult Co (Hank Hill)
DC 65 (CF 3% CS 7%)
1d100 = 4 + 19 + 22 + 4 = 49
Failure

Despite Hank's best efforts, Adult Co. is not a propane company. In fact, it hardly even uses propane. This is… Not ideal for Hank. It is so out of his wheelhouse that he takes 'restructure Adult Co.' as 'restructure' Adult Co.'s energy supply to run purely on Propane. At first, you are quite angry about this, but as he explains the benefits of propane, you come to understand the value of a clean-burning fuel source. Not that it really helps your bottom line.


[x] Catch up on the News
DC 20 (CF 0% CS 10%)
1d100= 93 + 27 = 120
Critical Success!

You settle into your extra-sized chair, with your big cup of hot chocolate, and a big newspaper, and flip on the telly-vision to the news network. Yep, you thought to yourself, it was news time. Oh, and boy howdy, was it a mess. Among other things, apparently there's a war against an invading species from the north, known as the Gem Empire. This race of… Well, you could only really call them rock women. Also Dethlokk bought Florida and a former reality television star was going to jail. Weird.

To be continued in "Hot off the Presses"…


[x] Build a Giant Robot
DC 60 (CF 4% CS 6%)
1d100 = 79 + 19 = 98
Success

Well, well, well. Looks like you've still got it! You can still throw together a half-decent giant robot, capable of sweeping away those little runts that the kids are callin' 'KAI-ju'. To you, they'll always be giant monsters. And boy, what a beaut! Styled after your Incredibly-deadly-killing machine, the thing is more of a metallic octopi dealy, with chainsaw arms and laser blasters, than a proper mech. But it'll do.

As you strut the giant robot down the streets in an impromptu-parade and menacing the local populace, you spotted a familiar pair of chairs and robot enthusiasts looking on.

"Is that a new Adult Co giant robot, Mr. Fibb?" asked Mr. Wink. He was a balding man with walrus tusks and flipper-like fingers.

"Indeed it is, Mr. Wink," replied Mr. Fibb. He was a man with the shaggy hair and horns of a buffalo. "It appears that Father has come out of retirement."

Enemy attacks have been discouraged by the presence of a giant robot!
Giant Robot added to Stuff!
Giant Robot: Add +10 to Defense DC when defending the city Adult Co. is based in.
Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb (HERO) are available for recruitment.


[x] Find a Wizard
DC ??
1d100 = 27 + 15 = 42
Success(?)

To be honest, you're not quite sure how to attract the attention of a wizard, so really you just sorta have some office workers and Hank go around hanging up letters. Sending letters and emails, contacting strange hole-in-the-wall shops that you could have sworn weren't there the other day, that sort of stuff. But lo and behold, you get results! Not a lot of results to be honest, and to be entirely fair, a lot of them were just stage magicians. The place was lousy with the fakers! But eventually, your men find a genuine wizard! A tall and morbid fellow with a penchant for dark arts, and you send an invite immediately. But to your surprise, two men show up! You definitely see that these two mean business. Problem is, they don't seem willing to work with each other. Well, at least you got that impression from their small talk in the lobby.

"So, I see you enjoy more… morbid forms of adornment?" the man who insisted on being called Doctor Orpheus said.

"And it seems you enjoy wearing a bathrobe in public," the man with a tattooed skull-face snapped back.

They both looked weird. In the interviews, you determined that one seems to be "seeking" magic, and the other "protecting" it. You're not really sure what either of those goals even mean, but that's occultists for you. They're busy wizards, and if one isn't selected quickly, the two of them will pursue other ventures.

Hex (HERO) is available for Recruitment!
Dr. Orpheus (HERO) is available for Recruitment!


PERSONAL ACTIONS

Father

[x] Check in on your Sister-In-Law (63)

Visiting your Sister-In-Law was something you hardly ever did. Mostly because you hated your brother (for the most part), and you hated his son even more. Walking up to the house, the shadow of the abandoned tree fort loomed overhead, recently restored from your pappy's curse. You were going to have to do something about that eye-sore, but you weren't quite sure what yet. In either case, Loretta was at least semi-happy to see you. While she was surprised, she was in the same boat as you, but far worse, considering that they were her husband and son. She's a strong woman though and seems to be putting on a brave face, but her pointed remarks about when Monty and Nigel were getting home caused you to start sweating. But after making a few promises about finding them (though you left out the part about what you'd do to them), she gives you a few leads about where they might have gone.

Leads on Monty and Nigel Uno gained!


[x] Call The Moonbase (88)

Most adult villains would have a hard time getting into contact with the KND Moonbase, let alone attacking it, but you aren't most villains. In fact, as former Soopreme Leader of the KND, you just so happen to have their hailing frequency on dial, just in case. As you start the call on your telly-vision, you are surprised to find a KND snot-nosed brat on the other end. Thought most of them wouldn't stick around after a good chunk of their little treehouse crash landed on Earth. But something seems… Really, really off on the way the brat sounds. Almost sorta like your children… But quite disrespectful and rude. After badgering them a bit, the phone call keeps getting passed around, but you're certain with time you'll get to someone important.

Progress (88/100)

[x] Go Through Rolodex (27)

Sometime within these past few weeks you decided to give the ol' Rolodex a look through to find some help for Hank. Unfortunately, you haven't picked them up since the old mansion, and it shows. The cards were fine, thank goodness, but you can't quite make out the names and numbers through the soot covering the entire piece of plastic. You'll have to get these cleaned before trying again.

Nothing Gained

[x] Work on Sir Toasty (43)

Sir Toasty, named so by your wayward wards, is a stalwart defender of the insides of your home. Many a time he prowled the halls, giving off a comforting glow from the fire from the entirety of his plate armor. The only problem is now that you've filled the homestead with all these luxury items, Sir Toasty isn't that great for protecting your stuff if he also sets said stuff on fire every time he fights. However, adding a low-heat mode should help.

Sir Toasty will protect your home! He will also not burn down your house while doing so!

Sir Toasty: 5+ to Martial defense while in your home. Sir Toasty will also be a butler! Nice!


Hank
[x] Hold a Barbeque (26)

Hank has a barbeque… That's about it really. He invites a few of the people he met at work, and of course you, and you had to give it to him, Hank could cook a mean steak. You could really taste the meat, not the heat, which was odd, because you were like 70% heat by volume.

Father loses RAGE.


Tolienator
[x] DESTROY THE KND (13)

Toilenator decided to go above and beyond in chasing down those little troublemakers. He went out of the city for a while, bringing you brief respite from his endless platitudes and whinging. Unfortunately he came back, and the little cretins didn't break his jaw this time. Even worse, he brought one with him, and he was by far the most obnoxious KND member you had ever met. Tolienator claimed he was friends with Sector V, but this Numbuh 13 was intolerable! Just by bringing him, Toilenator has tripped and knocked over 5 separate fragile objects in your home! Normally, he only knocks over around 2 in a week! This better be worth it, or you'll tear their hair out.

Tolienator has captured Numbuh 13! This cannot go wrong!

 

[Tlax]

[x] Restructure Adult Co (Hank Hill)
DC 65 (CF 3% CS 7%)
1d100 = 4 + 19 + 22 + 4 = 49
Failure

Click to shrink...

Hmm...

Well meaning, down to earth, middle aged man with glasses and a 100% failure rate?

................Alan?

[x] Find a Wizard
DC ??
1d100 = 27 + 15 = 42
Success(?)

Click to shrink...

You're tearing me apart Hella. I love Oprheus, but evil and roleplaying say that Hex is the better choice.

Tolienator has captured Numbuh 13! This cannot go wrong!

Click to shrink...

I see people are already talking about shipping the little menace away from us. What I'm wondering is which place would be best? Canada, to have him effectively sabotage the alien invasion? Endsville, to be yet another moron acting as a thorn in Mandy's side? Somewhere else?



Also, I got offered some sweet XP for this.

Spoiler

 

[HellaCooltricks]

As you sat down to catch up on the news, you kicked your feet up and tried to find a nice comfortable spot. The big red chair you had picked up was a bit dusty at first, and the weird little mole-guy selling it was odd, but you had to admit it was a nice chair. With your popcorn and soda-pop ready, you were now prepared for a nice, long afternoon of information gathering. With that, you flicked on the telly-vision, and got settled in.

BZZT

"- and we're coming live to you with another exciting season kick-off!"

Instantly, you were greeted with the sight of a man in his thirties, standing off on the docks of what looked to be an island, talking all dramatic-like. He wore an expensive-looking blue shirt, khaki pants and a clam-shell necklace. To sum it all up, he looked like the world's most well-manicured hobo, what with his perfectly salon-done hair and manicured figure.

"We're live within the TOTAL DRAMA mega-studio and broadcasting dome, bringing you the latest of the latest and most tricked out challenges you can think of. There will be chaos! And there will be action! And maybe, just maybe, some wicked gnarly drama!"

Oh. Great. Reality television. The moment you saw the yacht pulling in, you were totally prepared for some mediocre show about teenagers living in the lap of luxury, having petty, predictable and pointless spats with one another over, oh, you dunno, rap music or root-beer, whatever the teens these days were up to.

This gets you to pause for a moment, as you think back. Hey, whatever happened to all those teenagers you gave dangerous weapons to? You remember them forming, like, a ninja society. You would have objected, if ninjas weren't a cool and practical way to get things done. But you hadn't seen much from them in quite some time.

Your attention snapped back to the screen when your questions were answered right then and there. For there on the prow of the boat, as smug as ever, was none other than a former foe turned begrudging ally. His golden wave of hair was crested by the sun, a confident winner's smile across his face, and more all combined to create a teenager who had once single-handedly waged war against you, and then did everything in his power to tear his friends apart.

"CHAD Dickson. YOU sly DOG!"

You nearly threw your popcorn at the screen when you see him step off the yacht, greeting this rich-hobo with a smooth, friendly handshake, like he'd known the guy since highschool.

"Chris, my man, what's up?"
"Nothin' much Chad. You're lookin' confident."

"Eh, I know I've already got this in the bag."

"Ha, I like it. We'll see how long it lasts."

Chad steps down the docks, and takes his place, hauling a green knapsack over his shoulder. Frankly, you didn't really care who else was joining this "challenge" of Chris. Afterall, you'd never heard of 'Kim Pines' or 'Mitch Davis'! You were pretty sure that they just made up the name 'Terrence' on the spot! And 'Kimmy Mysner'? Was that even a name?

You growl. This was nothing but dreck and teeny-bopper drama! A pale imitation of REAL telly-vision! With utter disgust, you only barely managed to power through the show due to your desire to see what exactly Chad was doing on this show. But after watching the show for a while, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Just from watching though, you could see that Chad was still on his A-game. Still just as vicious and cunning as he'd ever been, easily winning the challenge and bringing his team to victory without a set of Battle Ready Armor in sight. A real go-getter. You grunt in satisfaction as they voted off Goofball John Mcgee, and switched the channel, looking for a more interesting and less infuriating show.

BZZT

"THE ALIEN MENACE IS HERE!"

Your eyes were visually assaulted when you flip onto the next channel and get screamed at by a middle-aged television show host, an exchange you were typically on the other end of. Lowering the volume, you took a second to gather what this loudmouth's deal was. The shouting guy has the name "Will Harangue" floating over his desk. The man gestured to a small window that popped up on the side of the panel. It seemed to show some sort of… Rock Woman?

Wait, no, that's a gem! You're getting the hang of it!

"You see this?"

The picture showed a green-cornchip, no, wait, that's a woman. Wait, no, a gem. She didn't look happy, and she was wearing some sort of visor that hid her eyes, and on her forehead, a weird, big… well, gem sat.

"THIS. IS. OUR. ENEMY." Will punctuated each word with a chop of his hand. "This is their leader, Commander Peridot of their so-called 'Great Diamond Authority.' She is leading the forces of the alien menace that has taken over Canada, and is NOW invading America! Look folks, we have to ban together to PUSH THIS THREAT OUT OF OUR COUNTRY!"

While you nominally agreed, as any red-blooded 'American' should, this guy was sounding more and more like when Knightbrace gets a bit deep in the toothpaste and starts giving unsolicited opinions on plaque.

"Now, onto the latest news; American forces have been able to push the invaders out from the Detroit area, and back past the Great Lakes, but forces have been stalled due to CONGRESS stopping funding to our boys! Not to mention their funding of the ILLEGAL, PARAMILITARY organization, Providence! Which, mind you, is also a secret cabal dedicated to protecting those dirty EVO abominations, as we previously discussed on last week's episode of Harangue Nation."

You were starting to believe this less and less, but you also couldn't look away.

"Alright, we've got our first caller for the night. FrymanTruth, you are on the air with Will Harangue, on Harangue Nation."

Will then went live to his first caller. But as he did so, a slight look of discomfort and pain flashed over his face before he returned back to his straight-laced, no-nonsense, trademarked look.

"Okay, Will, this time, I've really cracked it!"

"Ahuh, Fryman." You got the impression he's been on here before.

"Alright, so, after referencing documents that I've recovered from an expedition with my 'team', we've been able to track the real shadow masters of America. Don't you think there's a reason why they don't let us blog on the internet freely anymore? Or why Europe has gone dark? Do you REALLY think that Europe would be fine, but Australia was torn apart by space scrap?'

"No, I don't believe in those things, but then again, I probably won't agree with what you're going to say next."

"IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY! THERE ARE SUPER-INTELLIGENT MONKEYS WORKING WITH THE SNEEPLE! YOU CAN-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT SNEEPLE?! There are NO sneeple! Just aliens and EVOs! See, folks, this is the kind of smoke screen being used by the government to hide their complicity in the Nanite Event!"

"YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH! I'VE MET RUSTY SHACKLEFORD! HE'S TOLD ME E-"

BZZT

You got the sense this show wasn't for you.You were a sooper-villain, not a conspiracy theorist. One's a profession, and the other's being a whack-job. You flicked the remote button doohickey to find something a bit more reliable.

BZZT

"Are you broke?"

On the screen, a short little pipsqueak with greased hair, a sharp little chin and tacky purple business suit jumped into view.

"Sad? Depressed? Out of work, no hope, life outta control?"

The screen flashed to awful, shoddy working conditions in an office, then to people getting attacked by super villains, and then people getting attacked by aliens.

"Need somebody to stick up for you? Want somebody who's willing to fight for you? Or sell you a robot army designed to fight for you? How about lawyers? Remove weird body hair, get your hair back, get a workout ready body in no time flat?"

You're barraged with a flurry of cheaply edited and digitally doctored images, all of which shows the weird little kid(?) shown off as an adonis, an Olympic runner, and even lounging on a massive pile of money. His voice is so loud and obnoxious, you're not sure if he's yelling, or it just sounds that way.

"If any of those above is applicable, or otherwise, we here at Scam Co. are here for you! As the most affordable and competitive business on the face of the planet, we'll do everything in our power to make it happen, and in your budget! But don't take it from me! Take it from our lead scientist!"

The screen flashed over to a young woman, with bright red hair and a moon-shaped clip holding up roiling curls. In a Scam Co. branded jacket, she adjusted her sharp glasses in a shoddy-looking laboratory. A small placard rolled below her, introducing her as Mary Test, Head of Innovations at Scam Co. TECHNOLOGY Division.

"With our top-rate facilities and dedicated staff, we're more than happy to optimize whatever task or technology you like. Heck, we can make some new ones if that's what you're looking for. Plus, we offer competitive rates for test subjects!"

The screen changed again, this time to a tall, thin, pale man with white hair and a garish pink and white suit. He sat in an office, liberally applying sunscreen, and he spoke with a terrible Jersey-filled accent. The banner introduced him as Mr. White.

"As director of Scam Co. marketing strategies and planning, we're confident we can bring your brand or idea to the top! Or whatever level of popularity you want, I guess. You name it, and we can make it happen. Uh, so long as you have the funding. No refunds."

The picture cut again to a… chin-less creature. You think it's… a human, you're not sure, you're learning a lot and it's all coming really rapid fire. This time, he's standing in an even nicer office, with a massive vault of mouth-watering Jawbreakers in the background. As he squints, he obviously is looking off camera. He's introduced as Ed, Chief Acquisition Officer.

"We… Here… At… Scam…. Eddy, what's that word again?"

"Co."

"Co? Oh, Scam Co! We here at Scam Co… Will… Pro… Eddy, I can't read this."

"Just come up with something!"

"Um, we'll keep your Jaw Breakers safe as a bug in a rug in a tug 'cause I'm a lug."

"...Close enough."

The screen ends, leaving you with a large logo for Scam Co.

BZZT

You hated ads. There weren't a lot of good ones, but you especially hated the bad ones. Finally, you put it on some REAL news. Real ACTION news! Action News 52, to be exact! The image cuts to an extremely brutal looking, long black haired and imposing man, and a woman in a purple blazer and a scar on her head.

"Welcome to ACTION NEWS! This is Dynamite Watkins with Action News 52, here LIVE with the head Singer of Dethklok! Governor Explosion, let me say it's an honor to be invited to meet with you after your recent purchase of the entire state of Florida, making you its sole resident and thus de facto owner!"

"Mhm," the Governor grunted.

"Tell me, Mr. Explosion, what inspired you to make such a historic purchase?"

"Well Uh… Toki wanted to go to Disney World… So… We bought it.. It was a bundle deal… So we bought Florida. It was pretty metal."

"You heard it here, folks! They bought Disney World AND Florida! Only time will tell which was the more valuable purchase. If I may ask, Mr. Explosion, why did you select us for this exclusive interview?"

"You had the most brutal name."
"There it is again, viewers at home. ACTION 52 news is the most brutal news, as said by the leader of the most wealthy band in the world. The most brutally HONEST."

Before the woman could continue, her earpiece began to ring off the charts. She paused, and checked something off-screen, before ripping apart the news ticker on the bottom of the screen and quickly writing over it.

"Pardon me, Death Governor, we have a breaking news update! Former Total Drama Island star Izzy "Kaleidoscope" Explosivo has recently been confirmed as being ruled 'Not-Guilty' by the jury, and is being released from court!"

The scene changed to a woman with orange hair being wheeled out of a courthouse in a straight jacket and goaltender mask. For such a bizarre name, "Izzy" appeared to be rather calm while being escorted by a group of security guards.

"As one of the only superstars who quit the show outright, Izzy is now looking for a new 'agent.' She will be released from Richmond State Super-Max Penitentiary for the Utterly Deranged later today! This is following months of litigation from McLean Studios for breach of contract, manslaughter, and industrial espionage! When asked what she planned to do next, she said, quote: 'Probably work for whoever asks me first, haha', end quote. This is a live story, so stay tuned for updates! But as one television personality to another, I say way to go girl!"

Suddenly, her earpiece buzzed again. Slapping her hand up to it, Dynamite Watkins furrowed her eyebrows. As she did so, the news ticker broke once more.

"This just in, ACTION 52 News has been purchased whole-sale by Total Drama Inc. I am also being informed that the last statement I said must be retracted, and instead, we wish to remind the public that Izzy is indeed still wanted by remaining Canadian authorities."

You paused, thinking for a bit. R.S.S.M.P.U.D. was only a half hour's drive at the most. You'd have to look up old episodes of Total Drama to get a better idea of who they are first, but it might be a good idea to bring aboard someone a little more 'famous' to your enterprise.

But all this endless searching for something good to watch… Er, news, was already starting to make your head hurt. You could already feel a flicker of flame crawl up from your brow in frustration. For whatever reason, it seemed like any idiot could make TV nowadays! Why were they all so bad at it? Seriously, you could do better! You knew you could!

Then, like a light bulb… Or more accurately, a flame lit… bulb-thingy.

You COULD do better.

If that rich, surfer-hobo could just snatch up a News Channel on the dot while it was live, why in heck-fire couldn't you? I mean, sure, your experience with television was pretty limited to using it as a method to mind-control people or destroy the KND, but hey, what's the difference between a good show and mind control anyhow? Either way, the audiences' keesters are glued to their seats.

Already you're putting together a plan, pressing your fingers together, and preparing for an evil laugh.

"Soon enough I'LL Be the one pointing the CAMera! Maybe then there'll actually be something GOOD on for ONCE!"

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Izzy (HERO) is available for Recruitment.

Father has been introduced to Scam Co. Dethklok, Total Drama, and a few other things.

Leads on the whereabouts of the Teenage Ninjas have been found.

Action: Buy a News Network is now available on future turns.

 

[HellaCooltricks]

ON OMAKES...

So, after a discussion with my team and friends, and a little bit of thinking it over myself, I found that I did not like how 'gamified' the way the current omake system operates. So, we've made some changes.


OMAKES/Fanart:

Omakes written will provide XP, which will be awarded depending on relevancy and overall quality of the Omake or art. In exchange for a 1000 XP, you may ask a direct question to Father which he would know in the universe. For example, you could ask what happened to The Interesting Twins from Underneath the Mountain, or things of that nature. Note, in asking that question, would only be within Father's ability to remember or know.

In addition, for particularly good Omakes, we may directly reward bonuses that can be used for plans in the future. We will be keeping track of them in a side document.

 

[nicholasm10]

Comin in fast with a wild girl ready to do Business tm

 

[nicholasm10]

Hellevator Pitch


Mandy was annoyed.


Not that that was an unusual state of being for her. Or that other people couldn't tell. She just felt that today was especially notable in levels of irritation.


It's not like she didn't expect her takeover of the Underworld to be especially enjoyable, what with the fact that she knew the type of denizens she might have to be dealing with, but she was beginning to wish that the lakes of lava and boiling tar were actually deadly to them, so that she could express her annoyance in a more satisfying way than just glaring at them until they shriveled into a prune.


Sometimes literally, which was intriguing. She'd have to look into that later.


But that would have to wait. She was there for a reason after all.


As the new Queen of the Underworld, Mandy decided to make the executive decision to make it a little more… well, hellish. After her adventures in the underworld with Grim, she had grown to be disappointed in many of the different tortures that she had encountered. It was hell, she should be hearing more screams of anguish and pain, but instead there were whole regions dedicated to candy demons that taunted sugar addicts and entire cadres of demons devoted to tickle torture.


Very slightly amusing. But not efficient enough for her to not downsize their departments and reasign them to more effective tortures, if she was feeling generous.


She had been dealing with departments like that all day, and it was beginning to try her patience even more than usual. She was definitely going to need to spend some time torturing Grim later for stress relief. Luckily, though, she was almost done.


As she walked through the yawning cave mouth into a cavern with a stone bridge flanked by lava, however, that hope for a quick rest of her day died a death worse than what she did to the last demon to claim she wasn't a worthy ruler.


There were elevators, just normal elevators, sitting on the ground and in the walls doing nothing. They weren't even rapidly moving up or down or threatening to drop. All while a group of four teens just sat and played elevator music in a corner.

Spoiler: The teens

Her annoyance must have been more visible than usual, because the demon that was the apparent manager of the mockery of torture she was witnessing ran up to her, and began to grovel.

"Mistress! I'm so happy to have you grace my department!" He said, frantically bowing repeatedly.

"I've been wanting to meet your malevola-" He began to brown nose, but before he could get further, Mandy's glare stopped him and made him shrink back and drop his human facade.

"What. Is this" she ground out, glaring around the room and making two of the teens shrink back, although the red headed girl in a stripped shirt was surprisingly not too shaken up by it, and the blue haired kid in the yellow beanie seemed more interested in how the demon was reacting to her.

"I-It's the Nethervator Music room m-m-mistress!" the demon managed to stutter out while recoiling in fear. "It's one of the Underworlds most infamous tortures! An eternity of elevator music is enough to break some of the worst denizens the underworld can muster!"

Mandy regarded him coldly.


"This isn't a place designed to torture demons, the underworld is supposed to torture humans and other non demon races. Humans have mastered the art of tuning out mundanity, what makes you think this is an effective torture for them?"


The demon stared past her, seemingly confused at the concept of people being able to tune out one of the most dreaded sounds in the underworld. The teens in the corner started snickering at the face he was making.


Mandy redirected her attention, glaring at them. This time, facing the full force of her glare, the entire group flinched.


"And what are you doing here, not getting tortured? Souls are supposed to be the ones being tortured, not doing the torturing"


The big one with the bandana and the nerd looking one crumpled at her addressing the group, grabbing onto each other for protection, but the Bluenette kid and the Redhead managed to stand up and address her.


"We actually aren't dead" the Bluenette said. The other teen nodded, "Corey here" she gestures to him "Stepped into an elevator that had recently been affected by a underworld portal and ended up stuck here, and the rest of us went in after him to try and rescue him. We ended up getting stuck here and press ganged into playing that dudes music to torture the people stuck in the elevators"


Mandy considered them for a moment, before turning back to the demon begging for mercy.


"I'll give you points for kidnapping and managing to torture two different groups of people at once, but this set up of your's is clearly not that effective. You're fired."


"Wha-" is all the demon managed to get out in response before Mandy kicked him in the shin. He started hopping around on his other foot in pain, before Mandy used his imbalance to shove him into the lava lake under the bridge.


She looked over the edge and watched the satisfying plop and splash he made as he fell into the molten rock, before turning around to address the teens. The nerd and the big guy were slightly green from her apparent killing of the demon, but the other two seemed relieved.


"Now"


The teens flinch.


"What can you do for me that makes you worth keeping around?"


The teens were paralyzed in fear for a moment, before the Redhead perked up.


"Oh! We play music!"


After she said that the Bluenette perked up and jumped off the platform they had been playing music on.


"You're looking at one of the best indie rock bands this side of canada! The amazing GROJBAND! I'm Corey, she's Laney" he gestures at the redhead, "And the two dudes cowering at the back are Kon and Kin!"


The big dude perks up at the mention of the name Kon, shouting out "That's my name" before the nerd tackles him and shoves his hand in front of his mouth, shhing him.


Mandy regards the group coldly for a moment, before turning on her heel. The teens relax for a moment thinking she's leaving, before jumping when she suddenly speaks.


"That's acceptable. I've been looking for someone to spread word about their future ruler and to make money for me. You'll begin in a week, report to Big D" Kon snickers, before being elbowed by Kin "in 9th circle at 9 am on the dot, or I'll have to reconsider your employment."


As Mandy leaves the room, the teens look at each other and wonder just what the heck they got into this time.

---

There, have my first attempt at writing omakes in a long while. Hope it looks good