Technically I think the clog was an accident, with the files supposed to go to his boss (Likely Argost, maybe a KND agent)
FATHER QUEST - A Cartoon Network: Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Cross Over
- Thread starter HellaCooltricks
- Start date
Having reread the relevant section, you are entirely correct.
TURN 6: RIVAL REPORT
Black Hat Organization - Black Hat
[ ] Buy Out Willard Wonky Candy Company
Buying a successful candy company is one thing. Buying the official candy company of Dethklok guitarist Toki Wartooth is another. Whatever means of coercion Black Hat performed to get the original owner to sell, the in perpetuity sponsorship deal has carried over. Though Wartooth and Black Hat have agreed to keep around old favorites like Molten Sugar Candy Daggers, under his new management, the company is slated to pivot to the production of "Evil Candy" in only the darkest, most devilish flavors. Like Black Licorice. Toki Wartooth told reporters "That's prettys metals I guess."
Endsville Energy Solutions - Mandy
[ ] Present new CCO and DRO to Public
In typical Mandy style, the CEO and owner of Endsville Energy Solutions cut right to the chase at her most recent press conference where she announced the selection of her new Chief Communications Officer and Demon Relations Officer. Queen of the Arachnid Kingdom Velma Green was selected for her expertise in networking and long experience handling demon-human relations and was chosen as DRO, while Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn was selected for his interstellar performance in the construction of his own communication, Stars Right Inc. Velma Green was available following the conference where she answered questions alongside her husband Jeff The Giant Spider. Unfortunately, Cthulhu was only available via phone-call and representative.
[ ] Contact a business insider
Rumors persist of strange happenings at Endsville Energy Solutions- Well, stranger than what is already normally done. The latest surrounds its CEO making some very particular and unorthodox calls, with the apparent intent to get some insider knowledge. Nothing has come to light in the official capacity, but Hex has reported worryingly powerful magic gathering in the direction of Endsville during full moons.
To be continued in Interlude: "Calling All Takers"
Senator Bob Whitehead
[ ] Win Republican Primary
Despite some concerns about his pro-Satan platform, California Senator Bob Whitehead took the Republican nomination backed by a cadre of big energy interests and the growing Demon minority vote. While Whitehead has yet to declare a running mate, political analysts estimate his campaign is likely to recruit a party outsider rather than one of his careerist rivals in order to enhance his dark horse appeal.
[ ] Seek Dethklok's Endorsement
The Whitehead campaign approached Dethklok bassist William Murderface to arrange a highly publicized meeting between the senator and the music superstar. Murderface, a dabbling devil worshiper, expressed initial enthusiasm in attending a black mass before eventually growing bored, getting into a drunken altercation with the officiating priest, and urinating on the unholy altar just in time for the arrival of sermon guest Yahtzee the Shredded One.
Clone JFK
[ ] Win Democratic Primary
Over the course of two weeks, all rival candidates opposing JFK II in the primaries announced their sudden withdrawal from the running and endorsed the clone in near identically scripted speeches. JFK seemed completely oblivious to how clearly suspicious this was, and invited all of his supporters and former opponents to a victory party at the local country club, where he promised to read his formal campaign platform "Once they finish writing it for me."
[ ] Recruit A Running Mate
Bleary eyed and clearly hungover from his victory party, JFK II was herded before cameras by his handlers the following day to reluctantly announce that he would be drafting Abraham Lincoln II, a teenaged clone of the 16th president, to be his Vice President. Lincoln took over speaking for the remainder of the press conference, demurely but eloquently responding to questions from the media. Asked about the unusual nature of a Democrat running with a Republican, Lincoln offered a clearly rehearsed line about the importance of unity in these trying times before breaking from the script in frustration and ranting that even he learned about the Southern Strategy in freshman history class.
I.M. Weasel
[ ] Seek A Running Mate
Because Weasel is running unopposed as the founder and only candidate of his YES! Party, he seems to have spent the duration of the Republic and Democratic primaries instead searching for prospective running mates. He seems to have his mind set on one particular old acquaintance: I.R. Baboon. The Baboon, sadly, is nowhere to be found. Weasel has paid out of pocket for a nationwide televised notice pleading for his friend to return to him. In a final bid, I.M. Weasel has advertised a cash reward for anybody who can locate the missing primate. While several obvious imposters have turned out to try and take his place, the real deal remains absent.
Gem Homeworld Colony - Peridot & Jasper
[ ] Finish Construction Project
Something is rumbling in the north. According to what action reports have floated your way, the apparent bulk requisition of labor caste Gems has given way to a mass transfer of raw materials into the Canadian shield. Haunting cell phone footage trickles across the border showing a winged blue Gem carving Yellowknife's skyline into uniform blocks of concrete and metal before loading them onto enormous variants of the Gem's "Marble" drones. They're building something big enough to warrant stripping evacuated cities for parts.
[ ] Discover Human Media
Mere hours after the video of the blue Gem was uploaded to WooHoo! the account was apparently compromised. Commander Peridot immediately made herself known as the culprit by replacing the footage with a lengthy recorded rant, in which she gloated about how easily she had hacked the humans' "primitive character-based security lock." The hacked account logged over 4,000 posts within the next eight hours arguing in the comments sections of miscellaneous videos before it was locked by site admins for suspicious activity.
The Guild of Calamitous Intent - The Mighty Monarch
[ ] Bribe Law Enforcement
As part of an apparent carrot and stick approach to law enforcement, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch attended a police charity ball in Megakat City. There, DHTM was photographed shaking hands with Chief Ulysses Feral, and announced to much applause that the Guild would be donating a fleet of its own Wasp attack helicopters to Megakat's aerial police force. She expressed a desire that police across the country keep in mind their "special understanding" with the GoCI along with the consequences were it not for their cooperation keeping dangerous unlicensed villains off the streets.
[ ] Re-Home Outdated Diamond Dogs
The Guild launched an adoption campaign to clear out its old stocks of outmoded mechanical hounds. Many of its members brought home new forever friends, including one Professor Impossible. A further group of adoptees were reprogrammed and offered to various state and local law enforcement agencies as K9 units. Looks like there's still a handful left over. Might be an opportunity for you to learn about your bureaucratic antagonists…
Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb
[ ] Arch Mandark
In what would appear to be a guild sanctioned act, Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb, those chair-bound pal of yours, took direct action against Mandark for having evidently patented the concept of a Death Ray. While no legal action took place, a conflict certainly occurred as the duo had approached Mandark Co. in a giant, multi-limbed and heavily armed reclining couch. When typical robot defences and laser turrets failed to stop them, things got personal as Mandark emerged in a mecha of his own. The combat lasted about half an hour, as he dodged shots and weaved between buildings in a slender, black robot, before finally closing in on the pair. Ducking between its legs, Mandark successfully tied the chair into knots, before he toppled it over onto the ground. According to reports, Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb were able to escape via an escape-loveseat, vowing revenge in their typical stop-and-start monotone.
The Gourd
[ ] Seek Revenge
The Guild's newest member under its Special Class Arching initiative attacked One Ed Plaza in Peach Creek, Washington State. The Gourd, disguising his identity under a squash-shaped helmet, besieged ScamCo's headquarters astride a modified GoCI "My First Battlesuit" kit apparently being piloted by a plank of wood. Seventy of the cardboard-reinforced skyscraper's one hundred storeys were completely leveled without opposition before Eddy managed to convince his chief security officer Ed that he and the supervillain were playing a game of punch buggy. Ed proceeded to tear off the Guild mech suit's entire arm and bludgeon it into scrap metal. The Gourd was nearly apprehended, before throwing a fistful of pumpkin seeds into the eyes of the arresting officer and absconding from the scene. The plank of wood is currently being held for questioning.
Katz Ventures - Katz
[ ] Spread Harvest Moon Cult
Katz Ventures has been quietly donating money to a new religious group known as "The Sowers of the Harvest Moon", an old style neopagan association of farmers who venerate the harvest in strange, secretive rituals. It's been rapidly gaining adherents. Those who pay tithe to the Spirit of the Harvest Moon and participate in their rites have had strangely bountiful harvests. Those who haven't… well… What's one more failed family farm out in the middle of Nowhere? More cheap land. That's what.
[ ] Announce New R&D Division
Katz Ventures' modus operandi has long been to make cheap, wholesome food out of humane ingredients, but to keep ahead of the curve, the wily businessman is sticking his nose into commercial sciences to improve his products. He's put out feelers to partner up with an established research firm in order to rent out lab space, equipment, and personnel for the sake of proprietary experimentation with "no questions asked." Both Mandark Industries and Puma-Dyne have submitted early proposals.
Mandark Industries - Mandark Astronomonov
[ ] Investigate Commercial 2x4 Applications
Two of Mandark's on staff boy geniuses, Hoagie "Numbuh 2" Gilligan and Double D, were trotted out nervously before a press conference to announce Mandark's latest venture into the realms of the impossible. The subject of their research? 2x4 Technology, the primitive but often astonishingly versatile science of cobbling together machines out of junk. Double D rattled off some highly technical early theories about how plywood and tin cans bypass the known laws of physics in combination thanks to esoteric molecular interactions. Hoagie kept the audience from falling asleep by cracking jokes.
[ ] Begin Project Q
Evidently, Mandark has been working with a duck. No, not like a super duck or a mutant duck or a robot duck, just a regular duck. A cute little yellow one, just like those squeaky rubber toys. No signs of animal cruelty either, at least that's what the credible sources are saying. So why on earth is the smartest boy genius wasting his time on a little ducky?
ScamCo. - Eddy
[ ] Rebuild Headquarters
ScamCo. unveiled their new Vancouver headquarters, Two Ed Plaza, a two hundred storey tall "Scamboard"-reinforced skyscraper completed from ground breaking to ribbon cutting in the time it took The Gourd to demolish their old one. Some have questioned Eddy's decision to relocate the company headquarters to Vancouver given the city is directly in the path of the encroaching Gem invasion force, but he reassured investors at a press conference that "I've got an angle."
[ ] Scam Moltar
"Ladies and jerks of the jury, I ask you; when you say you want something 'right now' do you really mean 'in two weeks'? Do you mean' 'soon-ish'? 'whenever you get around to it?' No way! Right now means right now!"
Eddy strutted up and down the courtroom clanking on his homemade tin can leg extenders.
He leaned casually on the bar, beady eyes flitting between the yawning jurors.
"So when I signed a deal with Mr. Magma Butt sayin' that as the exclusive IP holder of ALL those old TV shows, I reserve the right to order a halt to broadcasting 'for any reason, at any time' I meant it liberally!"
"Literally."
"Yeah, what I said."
"..."
Moltar's bucket helmet was, as always, inscrutable.
"That's pretty stupid."
Moltar's winged lawyer cleared his throat. "Your honor, this demand on my client is both childish and unreasonable. I mean, what, are we going to give him some kind of big red button that'll instantly shut off all Boomerang broadcasts from earth to the moon without any signal delay?"
Eddy shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"Heheh…" Moltar's lawyer gave Eddy a patronizing pat on the back. "Listen sport, I don't know what they teach in school these days, but when I was growing up we watched the first man walk on the moon with 3 whole seconds of delay and gosh darn it, we put up with it to see man's greatest technological achievement since the punch card! And that was with government resources! You aren't asking one, humble, molten businessman to outdo NASA, are you?"
"*Ehem, erherm* geezer alert *hack, cough.*" He pounded his chest. "Sorry, hard to breathe with all the dinosaur dust coming off the defense. Your client's working with alien tech straight out of Robot Rebel Ranch. How else would he get live episodes out to everywhere on the planet every week?" Eddy stuffed his hands in his pockets, a tone of mock innocence layering over his malicious glee. "Seems pretty reasonable his sockheads could rig up the same thing in reverse."
Moltar smacked a gloved hand against his helmet. His lawyer started to say something, but Moltar cut him off.
"Fine. Whatever. We'll throw together your big red Boomerang button. You want a side of fries with that?"
"Objection! With curd cheese and gravy!"
Eddy pounded his legal counsel's face into the table like a gavel.
"I'll feed you later lunkhead!!" He hissed. "What Ed means to say is, Scam Co.'s gotta be able to shut off all programming involving our IPs."
"Look, whatever bomb you're planning on dropping could you hurry up and get it over with?" Moltar tapped his suit's inbuilt chronometer. "I've gotta fill in for Eric Andre tonight."
Eddy rubbed his hands together, barely concealing a snigger. He'd rehearsed this three dozen times and this was his favorite part. The part where he hit 'em with the second half of his double whammy.
Eddy reached into his garish suit's pocket and whipped out the notice of purchase naming him as the sole copyright holder of the 1966 animated short 'The Ovens of Moltor.'
"Shoulda been more careful with those licensing deals, bub. Unless you've got a paper that can prove that's your legal name, I own the rights to all televised appearances of the character of Moltar."
The audience erupted into a frenzy of obligatory murmuring. The judge, in turn, pounded his gavel and shouted for order in his court.
As Moltar's lawyer sputtered out a request for a recess, the lava man groaned a terminally exhausted sigh.
"God damn it, Space Ghost."
After an initially promising cooperation on their new Boomerang channel, Eddy sprung his trap. Apparently he included in the contract that as IP owner of all the licensed aired material, he reserved the right to order a halt in broadcasting at any time, for any reason, on penalty of DMCA takedown of all relevant channels. Seemed pretty reasonable at first, until Eddy revealed that "all relevant channels" included any recording of Moltar himself thanks to Eddy buying up the legal rights to his first televised appearance in an old Hanna Barbera short. At the press of a button Eddy is legally allowed to remove Chris McLean's only real competitor from the airwaves. It's hard to believe it, the little squirt has given himself a nuclear option.
U.S. Government - President Phil Ken Sebben
[ ] Develop Livestock Laser Artillery
"So it's come to this then, hm."
General Specific sits behind his desk. His hands are folded, his yellow eyes hidden in the shadows by the brim of his hat. In front of him, sitting in a seat far too big for the little livestock, is a sheep. It looks around nervously. Behind the sheep, sitting in the hanger, is a massive stockpile of battle walkers. The next generation of warfare, today.
"You've forced my hand, Sheep."
"Baaaa."
"Don't try your excuses. We have a war to win," said the general. He looks over at Private Public. He nods, and reveals what was behind a conveniently placed curtain: A shivering, scared poodle. He vaguely points his rifle in her direction.
"You're going to pilot my machines, Sheep."
"Baa?"
"You know what must be done, Sheep."
"Baaa."
"Get in the robot, Sheep. Or Swanky the Poodle will have to do it again."
The sheep's head falls down, bushy wool obscuring its shocked features. The poodle barks and yips, but it's no use. Its hooves shaking, the sheep looks up, and glares at the general.
"Baaa."
- - - - -
The military has successfully launched what might be its most powerful live-stocked fueled weapon to date. Named the "Ovigealium Project", the unmanned battle walkers have shown remarkable potential on the military's proving grounds and are now ready for combat. General Specific has denied any correlation to a recently negotiated military contract with the Livestock Labor Union. Or to petitions to congress to reopen abandoned sheep cloning experiments.
[ ] Regain War Footing
In the meantime, the war in the north has ground to a bitter stalemate as the military has faced deeply embedded gem defenses. This has only been complicated by the increasingly harsh and barren landscape that the army has encountered as they have pushed further north. The gems have dug in. In this case, literally. Subterranean fortresses have become the sites of grinding attrition warfare, chewing through units of American soldiers and Canadian volunteers faster than they can be replaced.
O.S.I. - General Timothy Treister
[ ] Gather Intelligence On P.P. Collaborators
O.S.I. tipped you off that they've been collaborating with the GoCI to put together a database of known Peril Partnership assets. Tiger Shark and his sawtoothed Remora Men continue to prove a nuisance to the navy, but even more potentially dangerous is their second in command. The Creep, formerly Mission Creep, was once an O.S.I. agent before he grew disgruntled with their rejection of his extreme methods. He's highly familiar with O.S.I. operations, including their clandestine information channels, which makes him a priority intelligence risk. Worse, The Creep practically wrote the book on field mission protocol, so he'd see O.S.I. coming from a mile away if they tried to apprehend him themselves. They'd like you to handle this one as their wildcard ace in the hole.
Providence - Black Knight
[ ] Control The Narrative
Providence struggled to recoup public opinion after their widely publicized failure to contain the Youngstown EVO outbreak, and their lack of response to an EVO attack that disrupted traffic along Florida's Alligator Alley. Providence PR officials have argued that their troops were instrumental in delaying the spread of the infection long enough for their star agent Rex Salazar to put down the EVO responsible with some assistance from the vigilante Patriarch. However, this story has been contradicted by Hunter Cain, a convict who was interned at the state penitentiary during the outbreak. Interviewed, Cain said "Providence doesn't care about anything but their precious research. They deliberately held their best men in reserve and left the rest of us to the slaughter. If it weren't for the Patriarch, Youngstown would be under a dome like Kiev. Ask Calan. He'd be telling you the same thing if they didn't hold his muzzle."
[ ] Integrate Augmented Combat Units
Following unspecified agreements with the volatile dictator of Country Con Carne, Providence announced lockdowns in several urban, rural, and suburban environments across Veracruz state. Rumors from those bold enough to go sneaking past the cordoned perimeters suggest they're running a variety of joint training exercises involving freshly augmented Black Pawn troopers. Descriptions of their new weaponry varies, but common to the accounts is that the Pawns are being repeatedly pitted against small squads of conventional soldiers in a variety of simulated combat scenarios experimenting with different tactics to take down powerful lone cyborgs. Providence has drawn harsh criticism for its failure to mobilize these new augmented soldiers in response to the recent EVO prison outbreak. Providence leadership has thus far refused to comment on their existence.
???
[ ] Spread Underworld Influence
The Metallikats have been on their best behavior. Both of them have gotten quiet jobs at the docks working for an import/export company, and neither one of them have missed a shift. But that hasn't stopped *something* from sweeping through the Megakat's criminal underground. A handful of known criminal associates are delivered to their bosses strapped to armed missiles. Whatever message was intended it seems to have had a profound effect. One week, business as usual. The next, gang violence all but vanishes. Just what could be going on?
[ ] Spring Dr. Viper
Judge Kard followed up on his previous ruling by signing off on the parole of infamous mutant criminal Elrod Purvis AKA: Dr. Viper. Much like before, Viper's defense argued his crimes were caused by an altered mental state triggered by his brain chemistry's reaction to the experimental compound that transformed him into a reptilian monster. The defense cited new psychological profiles evidencing that the bad doctor's brain had since adjusted to the compound with the aid of a regularly administered pharmaceutical invented by his old lab partner. Dr. Viper has been given a trial period work release to a position at Puma-Dyne labs, though the company assures he will be under 24 hour surveillance with strictly limited access to dangerous chemicals.
Puma-Dyne Systems - ???
[ ] Roll Out Combat Prosthetics
Over the past few months, Puma-Dyne scientists have worked closely with Providence to design a series of advanced combat prostheses fit to their specifications. Of note is the fact that the limbs are supposedly powered by the user's own nanites, a trait which some suspicious minds have compared to dangerous illegal modifications known to be popular among criminal biker gangs. However unstable they might be, Providence seems very happy with their purchase. Happy enough to black bar all technical details of the project even from fellow government agencies.
[ ] Sell Anakata Island
Puma-Dyne Systems sold off its real estate holdings on Anakata Island, previously purchased from Young & Associates, an Asian firm known for their overseas investments in Megakat City. Puma-Dyne cited environmental protests against its plans to develop the island for munitions research as the reason for the sale. The island's new owner is Duncan Hills Coffee; a major multinational coffee supplier who recently underwent a bankruptcy scare following the loss of their primary plantations in Sumatra. The company's CEO, Leonard Purcell, expressed tentative optimism about his company's ability to bounce back with this new farmland located a safer distance from ongoing conflicts in Oceania.
Paradigm Corporation - Alex Rosewater
[ ] Hire Android Researchers
Paradigm City has the single highest population of sentient androids in North America, possibly the planet. And yet nobody, not even the androids themselves, can remember who made them, how, or why. It's by far the city's biggest economic asset. As of yet, untapped. Maybe that's why Alex Rosewater seemed a little giddy as he introduced his new European hire, Dr. Franz Hopper. Hopper is part of a wave of immigrants who have claimed refugee status from a not yet fully understood disaster that cut off continental Europe from the rest of the world. If he can recover the lost knowledge behind Paradigm's mass produced human-like androids it may prove possible for Rosewater to manufacture more of them.
Jason Beck
[ ] Rob The Paradigm Mint
Criminal inventor Jason Beck attempted a daring heist of Paradigm city's mint using an enormous red Megadeus whose armor proved to be completely impenetrable to the Paradigm military police force. His scheme to steal the printing plates was interrupted by the sudden reappearance of the same blue-black Megadeus that defeated last month's Kaiju attack. The Megadei engaged in a brief, but devastating battle before the black Megadeus incapacitated its opponent. Once the rubble cleared, neither Beck, nor Megadeus, were anywhere to be found. He is suspected to remain at large.
VenTech - J.J. Venture
[ ] Approach Black Hat
VenTech made odd overtures to the Black Hat Organisation as Jonas Jr. met with the man himself on his compound at Hat Isle. While details of their meeting remain confidential, Jonas was photographed on his return looking uncharacteristically frazzled. Before returning to his Paradigm City office, he explained to members of the press that Black Hat had offered him "a price I couldn't accept."
[ ] Recruit Dr. Orpheus
Ventech announced its recruitment of a new general HR manager; Dr. Byron Orpheus. While Orpheus is better known for his claimed mastery of the mystic arts, Venture claimed his company dealt in "strictly science" and he had instead hired Orpheus based on his doctorate in Women's Studies. Credit for the decision is likely due in major part to the influence of Jonas' wife, Sally Venture, who has made it a mission to advocate for equitable treatment of women in the workplace as VenTech's sitting head of R&D.
Total Drama Productions - Chris McLean
[ ] Replace Weird World
A weirdo in a discount Dracula costume popped up on your Tellyvision late at night.
"Greetings, and bienvenue, dear viewers. Or should I say… bienve-BOO! We've gotten all your feedback and fanmail here at TDP. After our dearly departed V.V. Argost vanished into the beyond, all you horror-heads out there have been aching for late night frights. Well not to worry. We'll have you shivering again in no time… or my name isn't VINCENT VAN GHOUL! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Lightning illuminated the mock graveyard set as he threw back his head and cackled for a full fifteen seconds before suddenly cutting off. He swept his cape for dramatic effect.
"Weekdays at 8:30 PM Eastern. Now up next: that classic of British horror, 'Ello Guvna."
[ ] Smear Providence
Will Harangue went on a tear accusing Providence of everything from incompetence to deliberate mismanagement of the ongoing EVO crisis. Harangue claimed their failure to adequately contain the Youngstown prison break, or even show up to a separate incident in Florida, indicated a severe conflict of priorities at the heart of the group: "If Providence is going to act like Black Knight's private army instead of first responders, then maybe they don't deserve the public's tax money!" Similar cries to defund, or at least regulate Providence, have gained support among some political circles. Harangue went on to further criticize Providence's seeming inability to maintain control of its own agents, pointing to evidence of an active Providence splinter group recorded in leaked footage sampled by Dethklok for their latest music video. On a more positive note, Harangue praised the bold actions of "private citizens" like the Patriarch for their critical role containing the EVO outbreak in its early stages.The question of Providence and what to do about EVOs is sure to be a pressing issue in the upcoming presidential election.
Dethklok - Dethgov
[ ] Announce a tour
After a long period of lethargic dormancy it seems like Dethklok's finally blown through their cash. At a conference overseen by group manager Charles Foster Offdensen, Nathan Explosion announced the "We're Out of Money, And Need Some Please" tour, AKA: W.O.M.A.N.S. Please. There he pledged that Dethklok would learn the lessons of legacy bands; "I promise: NO new stuff. Just the hits. Slop in the trough, we know what you pigs fucking want." Bassist William Murderface also announced the imminent release of his solo album Planet Piss "soon." For the six hundredth time since its initial teaser seven years ago.
[ ] Renegotiate sponsorship deal
Charles Offdensen met with Leonard Purcell, CEO of long time exclusive Dethklok sponsor Duncan Hills Coffee, to discuss sponsorship funding for the group's upcoming tour. The two men reached an amicable agreement, with Purcell fronting the cost of the tour's first concert provided it take place on Anakata Island to inaugurate his company's new plantation.
Moltar: Coast to Coast! - Moltar
[ ] Premiere The Brak Show
In recognition of the heated competition posed by Chris McLean, Moltar has launched an ambitious new sitcom aimed to appeal to both aliens and earthlings slated for the same time slot as the latest season of Total Drama. Initial reviews for The Brak Show are confused, but positive. Early fans have applauded the positive representation of a mixed household with a human father and alien mother. Detractors have asked; "Why the hell is he always singing?"
Country Con Carne - Hector Con Carne
[ ] Lobby For Coffee™
Citing the previous landmark case of Fruitmeyer Frozen Dessert v. FDA, Imports Con Carne ltd. successfully lobbied for the legal sale of "Coffee™" as an inorganic food-like product distinct from coffee and certified for human consumption. While the situation itself is novel, more groundbreaking was the fact that it marked the first time a demon lawyer had ever stood in mortal court. Contract attorney Red Clearbottom handled the case with aplomb calling a slew of suspiciously identical expert witnesses including Japanese nutritional scientist Shoyu Mibute and GMO specialist C.M. Clappin. Clearbottom's success has prompted numerous law firms to begin looking into tapping the well of Hell's legal talent. Even sitting president Phil Ken Sebben, formerly of Sebben & Sebben, expressed his approval; "I like the cut of his jib! And the way he walked around on his heiney. Ha ha! Ambulatory asscheeks!"
Superjail - The Warden
[ ] Contain EVO Outbreak
While Black Knight scrambled to get the situation under control, the Warden dispatched his shiny new fleet of Jaildrones to Youngstown, where they proved highly effective at incapacitating the hundreds of viral new EVOs Providence let slip through the cracks. However, as much as the Warden tried to take credit for containing the disaster, media attention has overwhelmingly focussed on the role of the superhero Patriarch for eliminating the problem at its source.
[ ] Upgrade Jaildrones
Mandark Industries won a contract bidding war among the nation's top robotics firms to upgrade Superjail's fleet of Jaildrone robots with top-of-the-line weapons and armor fit to resist extreme environments--with a special focus on high temperatures. The Warden expressed great interest in Mandark's recently announced bid to invest in 2x4 Technology.
White Noise
[ ] Start A Gang
Known super-felon White Noise is now at large in Cleveland following his escape from Ohio State Penitentiary during the chaos of the EVO outbreak. Reports have reached Cleveland PD that he and several other escaped inmates have regrouped into an organized white supremacist gang calling themselves 'The Repairmen.' Although they are estimated to comprise no more than a dozen current members, they appear to have scored early gangland victories outmaneuvering larger outfits of the traditional Cleveland Mob--in large part, thanks to White Noise's signature ability to travel through television airwaves.
Professor Impossible
[ ] Kidnap The Toiletnator
Toiletnator didn't come home tonight. The last anybody saw of him, he was jumping out the window after that weird bathroom ghost kid. Maybe he got himself hurt. Maybe you ought to be worried. Pfft. As if. He probably just got lost in the TP aisle at Villain Mart again.
K.N.D Remnants - ???
[ ] Regroup
KND remnant forces seem to be on the move as indicated by reports from your Ice Cream Recon Carts. To your dismay, you still don't know who exactly is leading them, or how they've been able to move about without giving away their final destination. It doesn't matter, though, you know their tricks. They're clearly regrouping, preparing for some sort of attack. Only questions are when, where and which of the twerps is masterminding it.
[ ] Buy Out Willard Wonky Candy Company
Buying a successful candy company is one thing. Buying the official candy company of Dethklok guitarist Toki Wartooth is another. Whatever means of coercion Black Hat performed to get the original owner to sell, the in perpetuity sponsorship deal has carried over. Though Wartooth and Black Hat have agreed to keep around old favorites like Molten Sugar Candy Daggers, under his new management, the company is slated to pivot to the production of "Evil Candy" in only the darkest, most devilish flavors. Like Black Licorice. Toki Wartooth told reporters "That's prettys metals I guess."
Endsville Energy Solutions - Mandy
[ ] Present new CCO and DRO to Public
In typical Mandy style, the CEO and owner of Endsville Energy Solutions cut right to the chase at her most recent press conference where she announced the selection of her new Chief Communications Officer and Demon Relations Officer. Queen of the Arachnid Kingdom Velma Green was selected for her expertise in networking and long experience handling demon-human relations and was chosen as DRO, while Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn was selected for his interstellar performance in the construction of his own communication, Stars Right Inc. Velma Green was available following the conference where she answered questions alongside her husband Jeff The Giant Spider. Unfortunately, Cthulhu was only available via phone-call and representative.
[ ] Contact a business insider
Rumors persist of strange happenings at Endsville Energy Solutions- Well, stranger than what is already normally done. The latest surrounds its CEO making some very particular and unorthodox calls, with the apparent intent to get some insider knowledge. Nothing has come to light in the official capacity, but Hex has reported worryingly powerful magic gathering in the direction of Endsville during full moons.
To be continued in Interlude: "Calling All Takers"
Senator Bob Whitehead
[ ] Win Republican Primary
Despite some concerns about his pro-Satan platform, California Senator Bob Whitehead took the Republican nomination backed by a cadre of big energy interests and the growing Demon minority vote. While Whitehead has yet to declare a running mate, political analysts estimate his campaign is likely to recruit a party outsider rather than one of his careerist rivals in order to enhance his dark horse appeal.
[ ] Seek Dethklok's Endorsement
The Whitehead campaign approached Dethklok bassist William Murderface to arrange a highly publicized meeting between the senator and the music superstar. Murderface, a dabbling devil worshiper, expressed initial enthusiasm in attending a black mass before eventually growing bored, getting into a drunken altercation with the officiating priest, and urinating on the unholy altar just in time for the arrival of sermon guest Yahtzee the Shredded One.
Clone JFK
[ ] Win Democratic Primary
Over the course of two weeks, all rival candidates opposing JFK II in the primaries announced their sudden withdrawal from the running and endorsed the clone in near identically scripted speeches. JFK seemed completely oblivious to how clearly suspicious this was, and invited all of his supporters and former opponents to a victory party at the local country club, where he promised to read his formal campaign platform "Once they finish writing it for me."
[ ] Recruit A Running Mate
Bleary eyed and clearly hungover from his victory party, JFK II was herded before cameras by his handlers the following day to reluctantly announce that he would be drafting Abraham Lincoln II, a teenaged clone of the 16th president, to be his Vice President. Lincoln took over speaking for the remainder of the press conference, demurely but eloquently responding to questions from the media. Asked about the unusual nature of a Democrat running with a Republican, Lincoln offered a clearly rehearsed line about the importance of unity in these trying times before breaking from the script in frustration and ranting that even he learned about the Southern Strategy in freshman history class.
I.M. Weasel
[ ] Seek A Running Mate
Because Weasel is running unopposed as the founder and only candidate of his YES! Party, he seems to have spent the duration of the Republic and Democratic primaries instead searching for prospective running mates. He seems to have his mind set on one particular old acquaintance: I.R. Baboon. The Baboon, sadly, is nowhere to be found. Weasel has paid out of pocket for a nationwide televised notice pleading for his friend to return to him. In a final bid, I.M. Weasel has advertised a cash reward for anybody who can locate the missing primate. While several obvious imposters have turned out to try and take his place, the real deal remains absent.
Gem Homeworld Colony - Peridot & Jasper
[ ] Finish Construction Project
Something is rumbling in the north. According to what action reports have floated your way, the apparent bulk requisition of labor caste Gems has given way to a mass transfer of raw materials into the Canadian shield. Haunting cell phone footage trickles across the border showing a winged blue Gem carving Yellowknife's skyline into uniform blocks of concrete and metal before loading them onto enormous variants of the Gem's "Marble" drones. They're building something big enough to warrant stripping evacuated cities for parts.
[ ] Discover Human Media
Mere hours after the video of the blue Gem was uploaded to WooHoo! the account was apparently compromised. Commander Peridot immediately made herself known as the culprit by replacing the footage with a lengthy recorded rant, in which she gloated about how easily she had hacked the humans' "primitive character-based security lock." The hacked account logged over 4,000 posts within the next eight hours arguing in the comments sections of miscellaneous videos before it was locked by site admins for suspicious activity.
The Guild of Calamitous Intent - The Mighty Monarch
[ ] Bribe Law Enforcement
As part of an apparent carrot and stick approach to law enforcement, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch attended a police charity ball in Megakat City. There, DHTM was photographed shaking hands with Chief Ulysses Feral, and announced to much applause that the Guild would be donating a fleet of its own Wasp attack helicopters to Megakat's aerial police force. She expressed a desire that police across the country keep in mind their "special understanding" with the GoCI along with the consequences were it not for their cooperation keeping dangerous unlicensed villains off the streets.
[ ] Re-Home Outdated Diamond Dogs
The Guild launched an adoption campaign to clear out its old stocks of outmoded mechanical hounds. Many of its members brought home new forever friends, including one Professor Impossible. A further group of adoptees were reprogrammed and offered to various state and local law enforcement agencies as K9 units. Looks like there's still a handful left over. Might be an opportunity for you to learn about your bureaucratic antagonists…
Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb
[ ] Arch Mandark
In what would appear to be a guild sanctioned act, Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb, those chair-bound pal of yours, took direct action against Mandark for having evidently patented the concept of a Death Ray. While no legal action took place, a conflict certainly occurred as the duo had approached Mandark Co. in a giant, multi-limbed and heavily armed reclining couch. When typical robot defences and laser turrets failed to stop them, things got personal as Mandark emerged in a mecha of his own. The combat lasted about half an hour, as he dodged shots and weaved between buildings in a slender, black robot, before finally closing in on the pair. Ducking between its legs, Mandark successfully tied the chair into knots, before he toppled it over onto the ground. According to reports, Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb were able to escape via an escape-loveseat, vowing revenge in their typical stop-and-start monotone.
The Gourd
[ ] Seek Revenge
The Guild's newest member under its Special Class Arching initiative attacked One Ed Plaza in Peach Creek, Washington State. The Gourd, disguising his identity under a squash-shaped helmet, besieged ScamCo's headquarters astride a modified GoCI "My First Battlesuit" kit apparently being piloted by a plank of wood. Seventy of the cardboard-reinforced skyscraper's one hundred storeys were completely leveled without opposition before Eddy managed to convince his chief security officer Ed that he and the supervillain were playing a game of punch buggy. Ed proceeded to tear off the Guild mech suit's entire arm and bludgeon it into scrap metal. The Gourd was nearly apprehended, before throwing a fistful of pumpkin seeds into the eyes of the arresting officer and absconding from the scene. The plank of wood is currently being held for questioning.
Katz Ventures - Katz
[ ] Spread Harvest Moon Cult
Katz Ventures has been quietly donating money to a new religious group known as "The Sowers of the Harvest Moon", an old style neopagan association of farmers who venerate the harvest in strange, secretive rituals. It's been rapidly gaining adherents. Those who pay tithe to the Spirit of the Harvest Moon and participate in their rites have had strangely bountiful harvests. Those who haven't… well… What's one more failed family farm out in the middle of Nowhere? More cheap land. That's what.
[ ] Announce New R&D Division
Katz Ventures' modus operandi has long been to make cheap, wholesome food out of humane ingredients, but to keep ahead of the curve, the wily businessman is sticking his nose into commercial sciences to improve his products. He's put out feelers to partner up with an established research firm in order to rent out lab space, equipment, and personnel for the sake of proprietary experimentation with "no questions asked." Both Mandark Industries and Puma-Dyne have submitted early proposals.
Mandark Industries - Mandark Astronomonov
[ ] Investigate Commercial 2x4 Applications
Two of Mandark's on staff boy geniuses, Hoagie "Numbuh 2" Gilligan and Double D, were trotted out nervously before a press conference to announce Mandark's latest venture into the realms of the impossible. The subject of their research? 2x4 Technology, the primitive but often astonishingly versatile science of cobbling together machines out of junk. Double D rattled off some highly technical early theories about how plywood and tin cans bypass the known laws of physics in combination thanks to esoteric molecular interactions. Hoagie kept the audience from falling asleep by cracking jokes.
[ ] Begin Project Q
Evidently, Mandark has been working with a duck. No, not like a super duck or a mutant duck or a robot duck, just a regular duck. A cute little yellow one, just like those squeaky rubber toys. No signs of animal cruelty either, at least that's what the credible sources are saying. So why on earth is the smartest boy genius wasting his time on a little ducky?
ScamCo. - Eddy
[ ] Rebuild Headquarters
ScamCo. unveiled their new Vancouver headquarters, Two Ed Plaza, a two hundred storey tall "Scamboard"-reinforced skyscraper completed from ground breaking to ribbon cutting in the time it took The Gourd to demolish their old one. Some have questioned Eddy's decision to relocate the company headquarters to Vancouver given the city is directly in the path of the encroaching Gem invasion force, but he reassured investors at a press conference that "I've got an angle."
[ ] Scam Moltar
"Ladies and jerks of the jury, I ask you; when you say you want something 'right now' do you really mean 'in two weeks'? Do you mean' 'soon-ish'? 'whenever you get around to it?' No way! Right now means right now!"
Eddy strutted up and down the courtroom clanking on his homemade tin can leg extenders.
He leaned casually on the bar, beady eyes flitting between the yawning jurors.
"So when I signed a deal with Mr. Magma Butt sayin' that as the exclusive IP holder of ALL those old TV shows, I reserve the right to order a halt to broadcasting 'for any reason, at any time' I meant it liberally!"
"Literally."
"Yeah, what I said."
"..."
Moltar's bucket helmet was, as always, inscrutable.
"That's pretty stupid."
Moltar's winged lawyer cleared his throat. "Your honor, this demand on my client is both childish and unreasonable. I mean, what, are we going to give him some kind of big red button that'll instantly shut off all Boomerang broadcasts from earth to the moon without any signal delay?"
Eddy shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"Heheh…" Moltar's lawyer gave Eddy a patronizing pat on the back. "Listen sport, I don't know what they teach in school these days, but when I was growing up we watched the first man walk on the moon with 3 whole seconds of delay and gosh darn it, we put up with it to see man's greatest technological achievement since the punch card! And that was with government resources! You aren't asking one, humble, molten businessman to outdo NASA, are you?"
"*Ehem, erherm* geezer alert *hack, cough.*" He pounded his chest. "Sorry, hard to breathe with all the dinosaur dust coming off the defense. Your client's working with alien tech straight out of Robot Rebel Ranch. How else would he get live episodes out to everywhere on the planet every week?" Eddy stuffed his hands in his pockets, a tone of mock innocence layering over his malicious glee. "Seems pretty reasonable his sockheads could rig up the same thing in reverse."
Moltar smacked a gloved hand against his helmet. His lawyer started to say something, but Moltar cut him off.
"Fine. Whatever. We'll throw together your big red Boomerang button. You want a side of fries with that?"
"Objection! With curd cheese and gravy!"
Eddy pounded his legal counsel's face into the table like a gavel.
"I'll feed you later lunkhead!!" He hissed. "What Ed means to say is, Scam Co.'s gotta be able to shut off all programming involving our IPs."
"Look, whatever bomb you're planning on dropping could you hurry up and get it over with?" Moltar tapped his suit's inbuilt chronometer. "I've gotta fill in for Eric Andre tonight."
Eddy rubbed his hands together, barely concealing a snigger. He'd rehearsed this three dozen times and this was his favorite part. The part where he hit 'em with the second half of his double whammy.
Eddy reached into his garish suit's pocket and whipped out the notice of purchase naming him as the sole copyright holder of the 1966 animated short 'The Ovens of Moltor.'
"Shoulda been more careful with those licensing deals, bub. Unless you've got a paper that can prove that's your legal name, I own the rights to all televised appearances of the character of Moltar."
The audience erupted into a frenzy of obligatory murmuring. The judge, in turn, pounded his gavel and shouted for order in his court.
As Moltar's lawyer sputtered out a request for a recess, the lava man groaned a terminally exhausted sigh.
"God damn it, Space Ghost."
After an initially promising cooperation on their new Boomerang channel, Eddy sprung his trap. Apparently he included in the contract that as IP owner of all the licensed aired material, he reserved the right to order a halt in broadcasting at any time, for any reason, on penalty of DMCA takedown of all relevant channels. Seemed pretty reasonable at first, until Eddy revealed that "all relevant channels" included any recording of Moltar himself thanks to Eddy buying up the legal rights to his first televised appearance in an old Hanna Barbera short. At the press of a button Eddy is legally allowed to remove Chris McLean's only real competitor from the airwaves. It's hard to believe it, the little squirt has given himself a nuclear option.
U.S. Government - President Phil Ken Sebben
[ ] Develop Livestock Laser Artillery
"So it's come to this then, hm."
General Specific sits behind his desk. His hands are folded, his yellow eyes hidden in the shadows by the brim of his hat. In front of him, sitting in a seat far too big for the little livestock, is a sheep. It looks around nervously. Behind the sheep, sitting in the hanger, is a massive stockpile of battle walkers. The next generation of warfare, today.
"You've forced my hand, Sheep."
"Baaaa."
"Don't try your excuses. We have a war to win," said the general. He looks over at Private Public. He nods, and reveals what was behind a conveniently placed curtain: A shivering, scared poodle. He vaguely points his rifle in her direction.
"You're going to pilot my machines, Sheep."
"Baa?"
"You know what must be done, Sheep."
"Baaa."
"Get in the robot, Sheep. Or Swanky the Poodle will have to do it again."
The sheep's head falls down, bushy wool obscuring its shocked features. The poodle barks and yips, but it's no use. Its hooves shaking, the sheep looks up, and glares at the general.
"Baaa."
- - - - -
The military has successfully launched what might be its most powerful live-stocked fueled weapon to date. Named the "Ovigealium Project", the unmanned battle walkers have shown remarkable potential on the military's proving grounds and are now ready for combat. General Specific has denied any correlation to a recently negotiated military contract with the Livestock Labor Union. Or to petitions to congress to reopen abandoned sheep cloning experiments.
[ ] Regain War Footing
In the meantime, the war in the north has ground to a bitter stalemate as the military has faced deeply embedded gem defenses. This has only been complicated by the increasingly harsh and barren landscape that the army has encountered as they have pushed further north. The gems have dug in. In this case, literally. Subterranean fortresses have become the sites of grinding attrition warfare, chewing through units of American soldiers and Canadian volunteers faster than they can be replaced.
O.S.I. - General Timothy Treister
[ ] Gather Intelligence On P.P. Collaborators
O.S.I. tipped you off that they've been collaborating with the GoCI to put together a database of known Peril Partnership assets. Tiger Shark and his sawtoothed Remora Men continue to prove a nuisance to the navy, but even more potentially dangerous is their second in command. The Creep, formerly Mission Creep, was once an O.S.I. agent before he grew disgruntled with their rejection of his extreme methods. He's highly familiar with O.S.I. operations, including their clandestine information channels, which makes him a priority intelligence risk. Worse, The Creep practically wrote the book on field mission protocol, so he'd see O.S.I. coming from a mile away if they tried to apprehend him themselves. They'd like you to handle this one as their wildcard ace in the hole.
Providence - Black Knight
[ ] Control The Narrative
Providence struggled to recoup public opinion after their widely publicized failure to contain the Youngstown EVO outbreak, and their lack of response to an EVO attack that disrupted traffic along Florida's Alligator Alley. Providence PR officials have argued that their troops were instrumental in delaying the spread of the infection long enough for their star agent Rex Salazar to put down the EVO responsible with some assistance from the vigilante Patriarch. However, this story has been contradicted by Hunter Cain, a convict who was interned at the state penitentiary during the outbreak. Interviewed, Cain said "Providence doesn't care about anything but their precious research. They deliberately held their best men in reserve and left the rest of us to the slaughter. If it weren't for the Patriarch, Youngstown would be under a dome like Kiev. Ask Calan. He'd be telling you the same thing if they didn't hold his muzzle."
[ ] Integrate Augmented Combat Units
Following unspecified agreements with the volatile dictator of Country Con Carne, Providence announced lockdowns in several urban, rural, and suburban environments across Veracruz state. Rumors from those bold enough to go sneaking past the cordoned perimeters suggest they're running a variety of joint training exercises involving freshly augmented Black Pawn troopers. Descriptions of their new weaponry varies, but common to the accounts is that the Pawns are being repeatedly pitted against small squads of conventional soldiers in a variety of simulated combat scenarios experimenting with different tactics to take down powerful lone cyborgs. Providence has drawn harsh criticism for its failure to mobilize these new augmented soldiers in response to the recent EVO prison outbreak. Providence leadership has thus far refused to comment on their existence.
???
[ ] Spread Underworld Influence
The Metallikats have been on their best behavior. Both of them have gotten quiet jobs at the docks working for an import/export company, and neither one of them have missed a shift. But that hasn't stopped *something* from sweeping through the Megakat's criminal underground. A handful of known criminal associates are delivered to their bosses strapped to armed missiles. Whatever message was intended it seems to have had a profound effect. One week, business as usual. The next, gang violence all but vanishes. Just what could be going on?
[ ] Spring Dr. Viper
Judge Kard followed up on his previous ruling by signing off on the parole of infamous mutant criminal Elrod Purvis AKA: Dr. Viper. Much like before, Viper's defense argued his crimes were caused by an altered mental state triggered by his brain chemistry's reaction to the experimental compound that transformed him into a reptilian monster. The defense cited new psychological profiles evidencing that the bad doctor's brain had since adjusted to the compound with the aid of a regularly administered pharmaceutical invented by his old lab partner. Dr. Viper has been given a trial period work release to a position at Puma-Dyne labs, though the company assures he will be under 24 hour surveillance with strictly limited access to dangerous chemicals.
Puma-Dyne Systems - ???
[ ] Roll Out Combat Prosthetics
Over the past few months, Puma-Dyne scientists have worked closely with Providence to design a series of advanced combat prostheses fit to their specifications. Of note is the fact that the limbs are supposedly powered by the user's own nanites, a trait which some suspicious minds have compared to dangerous illegal modifications known to be popular among criminal biker gangs. However unstable they might be, Providence seems very happy with their purchase. Happy enough to black bar all technical details of the project even from fellow government agencies.
[ ] Sell Anakata Island
Puma-Dyne Systems sold off its real estate holdings on Anakata Island, previously purchased from Young & Associates, an Asian firm known for their overseas investments in Megakat City. Puma-Dyne cited environmental protests against its plans to develop the island for munitions research as the reason for the sale. The island's new owner is Duncan Hills Coffee; a major multinational coffee supplier who recently underwent a bankruptcy scare following the loss of their primary plantations in Sumatra. The company's CEO, Leonard Purcell, expressed tentative optimism about his company's ability to bounce back with this new farmland located a safer distance from ongoing conflicts in Oceania.
Paradigm Corporation - Alex Rosewater
[ ] Hire Android Researchers
Paradigm City has the single highest population of sentient androids in North America, possibly the planet. And yet nobody, not even the androids themselves, can remember who made them, how, or why. It's by far the city's biggest economic asset. As of yet, untapped. Maybe that's why Alex Rosewater seemed a little giddy as he introduced his new European hire, Dr. Franz Hopper. Hopper is part of a wave of immigrants who have claimed refugee status from a not yet fully understood disaster that cut off continental Europe from the rest of the world. If he can recover the lost knowledge behind Paradigm's mass produced human-like androids it may prove possible for Rosewater to manufacture more of them.
Jason Beck
[ ] Rob The Paradigm Mint
Criminal inventor Jason Beck attempted a daring heist of Paradigm city's mint using an enormous red Megadeus whose armor proved to be completely impenetrable to the Paradigm military police force. His scheme to steal the printing plates was interrupted by the sudden reappearance of the same blue-black Megadeus that defeated last month's Kaiju attack. The Megadei engaged in a brief, but devastating battle before the black Megadeus incapacitated its opponent. Once the rubble cleared, neither Beck, nor Megadeus, were anywhere to be found. He is suspected to remain at large.
VenTech - J.J. Venture
[ ] Approach Black Hat
VenTech made odd overtures to the Black Hat Organisation as Jonas Jr. met with the man himself on his compound at Hat Isle. While details of their meeting remain confidential, Jonas was photographed on his return looking uncharacteristically frazzled. Before returning to his Paradigm City office, he explained to members of the press that Black Hat had offered him "a price I couldn't accept."
[ ] Recruit Dr. Orpheus
Ventech announced its recruitment of a new general HR manager; Dr. Byron Orpheus. While Orpheus is better known for his claimed mastery of the mystic arts, Venture claimed his company dealt in "strictly science" and he had instead hired Orpheus based on his doctorate in Women's Studies. Credit for the decision is likely due in major part to the influence of Jonas' wife, Sally Venture, who has made it a mission to advocate for equitable treatment of women in the workplace as VenTech's sitting head of R&D.
Total Drama Productions - Chris McLean
[ ] Replace Weird World
A weirdo in a discount Dracula costume popped up on your Tellyvision late at night.
"Greetings, and bienvenue, dear viewers. Or should I say… bienve-BOO! We've gotten all your feedback and fanmail here at TDP. After our dearly departed V.V. Argost vanished into the beyond, all you horror-heads out there have been aching for late night frights. Well not to worry. We'll have you shivering again in no time… or my name isn't VINCENT VAN GHOUL! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Lightning illuminated the mock graveyard set as he threw back his head and cackled for a full fifteen seconds before suddenly cutting off. He swept his cape for dramatic effect.
"Weekdays at 8:30 PM Eastern. Now up next: that classic of British horror, 'Ello Guvna."
[ ] Smear Providence
Will Harangue went on a tear accusing Providence of everything from incompetence to deliberate mismanagement of the ongoing EVO crisis. Harangue claimed their failure to adequately contain the Youngstown prison break, or even show up to a separate incident in Florida, indicated a severe conflict of priorities at the heart of the group: "If Providence is going to act like Black Knight's private army instead of first responders, then maybe they don't deserve the public's tax money!" Similar cries to defund, or at least regulate Providence, have gained support among some political circles. Harangue went on to further criticize Providence's seeming inability to maintain control of its own agents, pointing to evidence of an active Providence splinter group recorded in leaked footage sampled by Dethklok for their latest music video. On a more positive note, Harangue praised the bold actions of "private citizens" like the Patriarch for their critical role containing the EVO outbreak in its early stages.The question of Providence and what to do about EVOs is sure to be a pressing issue in the upcoming presidential election.
Dethklok - Dethgov
[ ] Announce a tour
After a long period of lethargic dormancy it seems like Dethklok's finally blown through their cash. At a conference overseen by group manager Charles Foster Offdensen, Nathan Explosion announced the "We're Out of Money, And Need Some Please" tour, AKA: W.O.M.A.N.S. Please. There he pledged that Dethklok would learn the lessons of legacy bands; "I promise: NO new stuff. Just the hits. Slop in the trough, we know what you pigs fucking want." Bassist William Murderface also announced the imminent release of his solo album Planet Piss "soon." For the six hundredth time since its initial teaser seven years ago.
[ ] Renegotiate sponsorship deal
Charles Offdensen met with Leonard Purcell, CEO of long time exclusive Dethklok sponsor Duncan Hills Coffee, to discuss sponsorship funding for the group's upcoming tour. The two men reached an amicable agreement, with Purcell fronting the cost of the tour's first concert provided it take place on Anakata Island to inaugurate his company's new plantation.
Moltar: Coast to Coast! - Moltar
[ ] Premiere The Brak Show
In recognition of the heated competition posed by Chris McLean, Moltar has launched an ambitious new sitcom aimed to appeal to both aliens and earthlings slated for the same time slot as the latest season of Total Drama. Initial reviews for The Brak Show are confused, but positive. Early fans have applauded the positive representation of a mixed household with a human father and alien mother. Detractors have asked; "Why the hell is he always singing?"
Country Con Carne - Hector Con Carne
[ ] Lobby For Coffee™
Citing the previous landmark case of Fruitmeyer Frozen Dessert v. FDA, Imports Con Carne ltd. successfully lobbied for the legal sale of "Coffee™" as an inorganic food-like product distinct from coffee and certified for human consumption. While the situation itself is novel, more groundbreaking was the fact that it marked the first time a demon lawyer had ever stood in mortal court. Contract attorney Red Clearbottom handled the case with aplomb calling a slew of suspiciously identical expert witnesses including Japanese nutritional scientist Shoyu Mibute and GMO specialist C.M. Clappin. Clearbottom's success has prompted numerous law firms to begin looking into tapping the well of Hell's legal talent. Even sitting president Phil Ken Sebben, formerly of Sebben & Sebben, expressed his approval; "I like the cut of his jib! And the way he walked around on his heiney. Ha ha! Ambulatory asscheeks!"
Superjail - The Warden
[ ] Contain EVO Outbreak
While Black Knight scrambled to get the situation under control, the Warden dispatched his shiny new fleet of Jaildrones to Youngstown, where they proved highly effective at incapacitating the hundreds of viral new EVOs Providence let slip through the cracks. However, as much as the Warden tried to take credit for containing the disaster, media attention has overwhelmingly focussed on the role of the superhero Patriarch for eliminating the problem at its source.
[ ] Upgrade Jaildrones
Mandark Industries won a contract bidding war among the nation's top robotics firms to upgrade Superjail's fleet of Jaildrone robots with top-of-the-line weapons and armor fit to resist extreme environments--with a special focus on high temperatures. The Warden expressed great interest in Mandark's recently announced bid to invest in 2x4 Technology.
White Noise
[ ] Start A Gang
Known super-felon White Noise is now at large in Cleveland following his escape from Ohio State Penitentiary during the chaos of the EVO outbreak. Reports have reached Cleveland PD that he and several other escaped inmates have regrouped into an organized white supremacist gang calling themselves 'The Repairmen.' Although they are estimated to comprise no more than a dozen current members, they appear to have scored early gangland victories outmaneuvering larger outfits of the traditional Cleveland Mob--in large part, thanks to White Noise's signature ability to travel through television airwaves.
Professor Impossible
[ ] Kidnap The Toiletnator
Toiletnator didn't come home tonight. The last anybody saw of him, he was jumping out the window after that weird bathroom ghost kid. Maybe he got himself hurt. Maybe you ought to be worried. Pfft. As if. He probably just got lost in the TP aisle at Villain Mart again.
K.N.D Remnants - ???
[ ] Regroup
KND remnant forces seem to be on the move as indicated by reports from your Ice Cream Recon Carts. To your dismay, you still don't know who exactly is leading them, or how they've been able to move about without giving away their final destination. It doesn't matter, though, you know their tricks. They're clearly regrouping, preparing for some sort of attack. Only questions are when, where and which of the twerps is masterminding it.
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Ominous all around, I hope we can respond to it.
- Location
- USA
Lotta fuckery this turn, but most notably.
Franz. Motherfucking. HOPPER?
Either that's a XANA clone, he did create a fake Hopper to trick Jeremy at one point, or some serious shit went down in France to leave him both alive and free of Lyoko.
Franz. Motherfucking. HOPPER?
Either that's a XANA clone, he did create a fake Hopper to trick Jeremy at one point, or some serious shit went down in France to leave him both alive and free of Lyoko.
God Damn It.
- Location
- United Kigdom
Well, that was a lot of little things happening at once
Mandy has some big magic going on
the race for Presidency is going strong
Peridot is an internet troll but apparently got modhammer'd
Nice to see they're doing well enough
Ed probably has a really high martial but some kind of trait about whether he uses it
Also PLank attacked Eddy
Well... I have no idea what to do with this information
Evangelion but with sheep
They seem to be failing here
Will Harangue now works for Chris and says the obvious
He seems to support us at least somewhat as well as more on the election
well, we probably got a bit of a reputation boost
... that's annoying
annoying but expected
.
I tihnk the most interesting theme here for me was how we're view differently by different groups; Black Knight calls us a vigilante, Hunter didn't specifically title us but spoke well, Harangue called us a "private citizen", while the media refers to us as a superhero
Mandy has some big magic going on
the race for Presidency is going strong
Peridot is an internet troll but apparently got modhammer'd
Nice to see they're doing well enough
Ed probably has a really high martial but some kind of trait about whether he uses it
Also PLank attacked Eddy
Well... I have no idea what to do with this information
Evangelion but with sheep
They seem to be failing here
Will Harangue now works for Chris and says the obvious
He seems to support us at least somewhat as well as more on the election
well, we probably got a bit of a reputation boost
... that's annoying
annoying but expected
.
I tihnk the most interesting theme here for me was how we're view differently by different groups; Black Knight calls us a vigilante, Hunter didn't specifically title us but spoke well, Harangue called us a "private citizen", while the media refers to us as a superhero
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Look on the brightside, we have so many people to punch and so much rage and despair to work through!
White Noise chose the one city where he is now our problem.
We now have a Skinhead running around making a gane, who also personally betrayed us during the riot after we saved his life and enabled his escape.
- Location
- Pennsylvania
Not particularly, kidnapping is pretty clearly allowed in the guild handbook and he didn't seem to do anything especially egregious. Considering taking the action to scour the guild rules next turn to see if we can negotiate his return because of a pending bereavement day.
I have more thoughts on the update that I'll share later.
- Location
- going at sufficient velocity
Man Eddy pulled a 4d Chess Move On moltor lol.
Looks like Mandark got to numbah 2 since last I read he was fighting him.
Gems are probably trying to make a giant Gem bot best stop that.
Also gotta help the government with that mission.
Shinji the Sheep about the start 3rd impact.
Looks like Mandark got to numbah 2 since last I read he was fighting him.
Gems are probably trying to make a giant Gem bot best stop that.
Also gotta help the government with that mission.
Shinji the Sheep about the start 3rd impact.
- Location
- Springfield, Illinois
I know, I am just really annoyed at the monarch targeting us. Like has nobody told him we are not really a hero, but just don't want aliens to take over..
- Location
- Pennsylvania
Can't be helped at this point, really and I find it helpful to have the Guild in a semi-predictable role than acting as a wild card. Getting arched is annoying, sure, but it's better than open warfare.
He's not targeting us from confusion, he's targeting us because we might set a precedent for Federally Employed Supervillains.
We have two ways to get him to stop, publically declare a retirement from Supervillainy, or make it so we won't have the Feds on us.
Mandy, Eddy, and Mandark also all have Guild Arches who attacked this turn. The Gourd (Who is probably Johnny 2x4) attacked Eddy, trashing his stuff; while Wink and Fibb attacked Mandark and were beaten back. Mandy is the only one we don't if got attacked yet.
Ours has Meth
From the sound of it, Weasle is very much focusing on Baboon, and isn't looking for a better VP
The Froggy Ninja
The Blade Will Never Die
Need to keep up with African insurgency efforts my dude.
Yes, yeeesss. We grow ever closer to forming our alliance.
Fools. No mortal prison can hope to contain Timber the Dark Shard.
I'll allow this ignorance given how much of a deadzone Australia is.
Well that's concerning, whether he's real, fake, brainwashed or sane.
- Location
- The Golden State
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Welp, you folks know what that means…GEM POWER BABY!!! We need to invest more in Gem Technology, we already completed two or three projects involved with Gem tech, so probably makes sense to continue the trend with the next projects which are the vehicles and gem solar panels
- Location
- Pennsylvania
The coffee he legalised was your coffee. He's profiting from it too thanks to your distribution deal, so he had an incentive to make sure he could keep selling it.
Last edited:
- Location
- The Golden State
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Wait a minute, white supremacists in our CITY!?!?!?
Oh hell no they don't!!!!!
Time to bash some fascists off our city!!!!!!!
Guys we gotta crush them bugs while they are still small, the longer we wait the more difficult it gets. And besides I am not too keen on having a violent, racist gang taking over Cleveland and especially close to our HQ. That is our turf, might as well plant our flag and crush them!
Last edited: