Endsville Energy Solutions - Mandy
[ ] Seek Occult Consultation
Sightings have continued of a weird, homeless shaman with a snake for an arm wandering around Mandy's territory, giving awful, terrible and mystic insights to any who cross his path- although, for the most part, they've just been awful and terrible. Word is that Mandy tried to summon a powerful spirit for occultic consultation, but someone made a mistake or two, and the weirdo is what she got. Evidently Mandy wasn't too pleased by what he had to share and kicked him out onto the street. Last reported sightings place the freak as wandering across the Rio Styx into Mexico.
[ ] Close the Morbucks Deal
In what will assuredly be called one of the biggest mergers in American history, Morbucks Oil and Endsville Energy Solutions have joined together. The papers were signed last night in Mandy's Office, followed the next day by an official statement from the new corporation. With the current situation in the Middle East deteriorating, and with the advent of new Underworld Energy, the new partnership is set to dominate energy production in the U.S. for the foreseeable future.
[ ] Get Behind a Candidate
Endsville Energy Solutions made a big splash in the primaries with an enormous contribution to the campaign of Republican Senator Bob Whitehead. Whitehead is running a highly unusual campaign within his party as the first openly Satanist candidate to run for president. With the endorsement of the dark lord Lucifer himself, it's small wonder his interests would align with Mandy's agenda.
So far, Whitehead has promised he'll fight for open borders with Hell and to deregulate the trade in mortal souls. Countless demon rights advocate organisations have come out in favour of his candidacy, alongside, shockingly, the religious right. One Rev. Rod Putty was interviewed saying quote "Satan's in the Bible too, so I guess I'm happy enough with Bob's campaign."
Gem Homeworld Colony - Peridot & Jasper
[ ] Recruit Earthling Auxiliaries
Seems like the Gems have made an unlikely alliance. Manpower shortages with no backup from the Moltar Array being what they are, Commander Peridot has resorted to what might have been previously unthinkable for her species. Reports are circulating that a contingent of gems led by Peridot herself stormed the headquarters of the Canada based Peril Partnership, a supervillain organisation similar in structure to the Guild. Apparently after an initial show of force, Peridot offered the group's surviving members an ultimatum: Collaborate in exchange for access to alien technology and unlimited loot, or be interned alongside their other human prisoners.
Evidently, they took the former deal. The Peril Partnership's head honcho Tiger Shark has been spotted leading highly successful raids against US naval assets with mixed squads of Gem soldiers and his own henchmen. Sufficient damage was inflicted that rumours from high command claim the military has had to indefinitely delay a planned amphibious assault on Hudson Bay. The Partnership's eternal rivals, the Guild of Calamitous Intent, have expressed their disdain at this move, and have issued a substantial bounty for the capture of Tiger Shark.
[ ] Restart Prime Kindergarten Production
The war seems to have reached a turning point. Previously understaffed Gem positions have received a wealth of new reinforcements. Although seemingly less experienced and often of a rougher make than earlier combatants, simply shoring up their numbers has allowed the Gems to make vital claims along both Canadian coasts, driving out several formerly safe US landing sites. Gem divisions have now come within 100km of Vancouver in British Columbia, previously a liberated Canadian stronghold.
[ ] Requisition Suitable Gems
Word from the front has it that the number of non-standard Gem types sighted behind enemy lines have been drastically increasing. In particular, the most recent batch of Gems seems to include an unusual amount from the Bismuth construction caste.
The Guild of Calamitous Intent - The Mighty Monarch
[ ] Issue Special Arching Licences
In an effort to combat threats to their model of Professional Villainy, the GoCI issued a new programme to draw in members while also incentivising the harassment of its enemies. Any individual applying for an Arch against an individual from what's been internally nicknamed "The Shit List" will be granted free membership dues and full access to Guild resources. Names will only be removed from the list once the individual has redressed the offending behaviour. This shortlist includes:
- The Warden of Superjail, for incarcerating dozens of prominent supervillains.
- Eddy of ScamCo, for selling unlicensed comic books featuring Guild villains.
- Mandark Astronomonov, for patenting the death ray and demanding royalties from all villains who try to make one.
- Mandy of Endsville Energy, whose Demon Immigration Bill inadvertently forces occult villains to get green cards for their summoned minions.
- Father of AdultCo, for openly working for the O.S.I. as a Supervillain.
Villains with a bone to pick have been quick to snap up Arches on nearly all members of the Guild's Shit List, with more waiting for their turn in the queue.
[ ] Run PR
In a rare public address to non-supervillains, Head Councilwoman Dr. Mrs. The Monarch agreed to an interview on Moltar Coast to Coast to address the Guild's relationship with the war. She explained the organisation's stances on several subjects, including the recent news with the Peril Partnership.
"There's a big difference between a supervillain and a Quisling. One is a respectable career, and the other one is something I'm not allowed to say on TV. I mean come on people, have some class. We had this exact same issue during WWII. Look, it was this whole thing okay. Red Death still gets mistaken for the Scarlet Totemkampf."
Suffice to say, the Guild took a very strong stand against collaborators. DMTM spent the latter part of the interview graphically describing various death traps the Guild had prepared for would-be defectors.
Katz Ventures - Katz
[ ] Recruit Mr. Fizz
Katz formally signed on Adult Soopervillain Mr. Fizz as the head of his new beverages division. Starting next month, Katz Adults Only Cola will be hitting supermarket shelves. Taste testing has found the product to be the fizziest drink on the market; "fortified with youthful vigor", as the advertising goes.
[ ] Donate to the Weasel Campaign
Katz Ventures gave Yes! Party candidate I.M. Weasel his second major corporate endorsement, along with a substantial donation. Katz toothily suggested that he and Mr. Weasel were well equipped to understand each other as fellow predators who knew "when it is time to cull the weak, soft, and fat from the herd".
Political analysts took this to mean that Katz expects to be rewarded with substantial deregulation for agriculture. At least, that's hopefully what he meant.
Mandark Co. - Mandark Astronomonov
[ ] Fend Off Wink & Fibb
Your old colleagues Mr. Wink & Mr. Fibb rampaged through the city of Genius Grove inside their biggest, baddest Super Chair yet. Footage of their attack shows them calling out Mandark for a robot fight in their usual alternating style.
"Think you can patent our
turbo-hydraulic legs, do you?"
"Why, I believe he thinks he can, Mr. Wink."
"Shall we teach him a lesson, Mr. Fibb?"
"Oh, I believe we'll teach the naughty brat a thing or two indeed."
You aren't sure if this means they're fully on Team Guild now, but it's about time someone called Mandark's bluff.
Scam Co. - Eddy
[ ] Replace Double D
Scam Co. made a big fanfare about their new hire: Twelve year old inventor Carter Brown. Brown is notable for developing a completely waterproof form of cardboard when he was ten, which Eddy claimed will become the engine of his company's expansion moving forward. He further exhorted that Carter was the best and smartest inventor he'd ever met and didn't wear a smelly sock on his head like "some people."
[ ] Buy Old TV shows
Scam Co. bought up the rights to hundreds of old shows and movies long since taken off the air. The unusual purchase sparked a surge of rumours ranging from reboots in the works to simple IP hoarding.
???
[ ] Strike a Bargain
𝕾𝖎𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖆 𝕾𝖎𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖚𝖊
𝕬 𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖑 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖊𝖆𝖈𝖍 𝖑𝖎𝖊 𝖞𝖊 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑
𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖉𝖊, 𝖊𝖆𝖈𝖍 𝖋𝖎𝖇 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖒𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖎𝖙𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖐
𝖄𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖈𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉𝖘 𝖘𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑
𝕭𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖉, 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖌 𝖋𝖔𝖔𝖑, 𝖆 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑'𝖘 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖑'𝖘
𝕬 𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖌𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖑𝖞 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖒𝖆𝖐𝖊
𝕱𝖔𝖗 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖊 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖈𝖍 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖎𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖚𝖘
𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖇𝖊 𝖎𝖙 𝖔𝖓 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖏𝖆𝖜 𝖙𝖔 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖐
U.S. Government - President Phil Ken Sebben
[ ] Ponder His Legacy
In a rare moment of reclusiveness, outgoing President Phil Ken Sebben spent a quiet day away from the press in his office. Those close to Mr. Sebben claimed that he simply wished to reflect on his past two terms. President Sebben's career has been marked by a series of highly unusual policy decisions which later proved unerringly prescient, earning him a sterling bipartisan reputation and an enduring popularity among voters. In particular, upon leaving office, the President is scheduled to be awarded a Congressional Gold Medal for his heroic and decisive actions during the attempted invasion of the Gem Homeworld Fleet.
Only one question remains on all American's minds: Just what will the President do for his country during his final months in office?
To Be Continued in Mini-Interlude: Lucky Number Sebben.
[ ] Balance the Budget
For the first time in recorded history the American spending budget is in the green. Politicians and policy analysts have both expressed their utter bemusement at where all the money came from. Somebody had to have stopped paying for
something but as far as public records go, it's a complete mystery. Maybe chalk it up to a long running rounding error.
[ ] Offer AdultCo a Contract
AdultCo's proprietary integration of alien technology has drawn a good deal of interest from investors, not least of which is Uncle Sam. You received a phone call from General Specific informing you that the US military is willing to pay you royalties to make use of your patented tech in commissioned experimental weapons. The General is positively salivating as he explains how much hard light could revolutionise the field of Sheep based energy weaponry.
"We may even be on the cusp of developing a whole new arsenal of livestock based artillery! Just think what we could do if we were to build a laser harnessing the power of a Cow and/or Chicken!"
While he certainly seems excited, you receive a separate offer in the mail from the government's Mega Institute of Technology, who are also interested in the potential of your proprietary tech. They don't have as much of a budget as the military, but if you were willing to explore scientific rather than military applications, they're offering to allow you the chance to use their incredibly advanced lab space and the expertise of their genius staff to boot.
Looks like you have a decision to make.
Select one of the following.
[ ] Licence Gem Tech To Military
Result: +1 Income
[ ] Partner With The Other MIT
Result: Free Collab Action with the US Government. Unlock option to request further collabs in future.
VOTE WILL BE CALLED IN 24 HOURS
THERE WILL BE A 12 HOUR MORATORIUM
O.S.I. - General Timothy Treister
[ ] Stage a Coverup
The ATF has launched a full investigation into the large explosion that occurred in one of Cleveland's suburbs. In their official public statement, the ATF disclosed that the blast was caused by a miscast spell during an otherwise ordinary wizard's duel. The victim of the spell, former illusionist turned undead supervillain Al Lusion AKA "Abracadaver" is reported to have spontaneously transfigured into a weather balloon, which proceeded to explode, igniting an underground gas main exposed by roadwork. Public safety advocate and sitting Ohio Senator David Safely gave a town hall conference urging the American public to "remember that magic is not a toy" and to be conscientious of their limits while casting.
That's obviously not how it happened, but most of the public seem to buy it. You wonder why they decided to leave out anything to do with Charmcaster though… It sure deflects more heat on poor Hex.
[ ] Consolidate Gem Intel
O.S.I. disseminated a brief but comprehensive summary of all intelligence on the Gem species and its subtypes to its agents based on field observations, interrogation of POWs, and testimony from humans living behind enemy lines.
You even got a copy, since you're technically on their books!
Providence - Black Knight
[ ] Commission Weaponized Prosthetics
Providence has entered talks with Puma-Dyne Systems to commission the development and manufacture of a new line of advanced cybernetic prostheses with integrated weaponry. Fighting EVOs must be dangerous work, because they're sure ordering a lot of them. Maybe there's a lot of internal envy for their star agent you've heard rumours about.
???
[ ] Put Forth a Puppet Candidate
A teenage clone of former president John F. Kennedy announced his intent to run in the Democratic primaries. His campaign kicked off with an enormous house party featuring the cult underground artist DJ Jesus, who also catered the entire event by repeatedly multiplying a single party platter in one of his trademark "Near-acles." JFK's first campaign speech contained very little of policy substance, instead delving into exacting detail about the candidate's daily workout routine. Asked whether it was his intent to capitalise on his heartthrob popularity with the new 13-17 voting bloc created by President Sebben's Youth Voter Act, JFK responded saying quote "Who are you, my dads?"
[ ] Purge the Airwaves
A regularly scheduled airing of V.V. Argost's Weird World suddenly cut to static. The channel remained dead for the better part of a day before the feed cut to an exceptionally nervous looking Chris McLean, who apologised for the interruption and announced that "Due to um 'Differences in vision', I am regretfully informing you that Weird World will have to find another home. In its place, the Total Drama Nature Hour timeslot will now air episodes of Amazon Kevin's Wild Animal Takedown."
Huh. While it's entertaining to watch a large burly Australian man read off animal facts while wrestling all of God's creatures one at a time, you kind of miss the old creepy guy. You wonder when he'll get his show back on the air.
???
[ ] Assert Your New Management.
Puma-Dyne Systems today had a controlling share bought by the estate of California Supreme Court Justice Caligo Kard. Judge Kard could not be reached for comment, but his representatives assured the public at a press meeting that the Judge's purchase merely represents his lasting investment into the "blood and bones" of economic life in his home town Megakat City, and will not influence future court decisions in the slightest.
[ ] Influence a Court Decision
In a landmark criminal law ruling, Judge Caligo Kard found career criminals Mac and Molly Mange, better known as the Metallikat Mob, acquitted of previously committed crimes by reason of an altered mental state. The Manges' defence successfully argued that crimes committed during their time as the Metallikats were influenced by a lasting incompatibility between their brains and bodies which resulted in their erratic behaviour. Now that both Metallikats have been relocated to compatible, disarmed civilian models, they are cleared for pending release on good behaviour, having already served the duration of their sentences for all crimes committed during their flesh and blood days. This could set an important precedent for dealing with other meta-criminals who may have been drastically altered by the experiences that gave them their powers.
Puma-Dyne Weapon Systems - ???
[ ] Sell Off Archaeology Division
Why Puma-Dyne has such a large stake in commercial archaeology is an eternal mystery that probably has its answers as an artefact of some past merger. Puma-Dyne approached Endsville Energy Solutions about potentially offloading the unprofitable branch to handle government mandated cultural resource management during large scale construction projects. The deal initially progressed nicely, only to fall through at the last minute when Puma-Dyne unexpectedly withdrew. Rumour has it the leaders of the two corps have reached some kind of alternate arrangement. The details remain to be seen.
Paradigm Corporation - Alex Rosewater
[ ] Repel Kaiju
Reports from Paradigm News indicate that evidently another kaiju from the notorious "Monster Island" has met its end during an assault on Paradigm City. Eye witness testimonies state that the monster hardly got further than the bay before coming under assault from a truly massive giant robot, which the locals call "Megadeus." The big blue mech emerged from seemingly nowhere and ended the fight in a matter of minutes by ramming its enormous fist clean through the monster's chest. The Megadeus then vanished as mysteriously as it had arrived. The chief of Paradigm's police force expressed his mixed gratitude to the mech's unknown pilot, while also sternly reminding the public that vigilantism is still a crime.
McLean Productions (Chris McLean)
[ ] Diversify Programming
The wildly popular, wildly inflammatory Haranguenation talk show joined Chris McLean's ever growing media empire. Anchorman Will Harangue seemed especially enthusiastic about the purchase, exhorting that McLean of all people as a Canadian understands just how dangerous the extraterrestrial threat can be. He promised to bring a level of even-handed journalistic professionalism to Total Drama Today's coverage of the "insidious inhuman monstrosities that lurk among us."
VenTech Ind. (J.J. Venture)
[ ] Sort Out Rusty's Inheritance
Jonas Venture Jr. met with GoCI Head Councilwoman Dr. Mrs. The Monarch to discuss 'private matters' concerning his late brother's estate. Also in attendance was Guild notable Dr. Henry Killinger, who reportedly served as a notary witness. Following the reading of the will, it is unclear why the former Venture Compound remains Guild property uncontested by VenTech's legal department. Neither Jonas Venture nor DMTM could be reached for comment.
[ ] Renovate Spider Skull Island
Despite the purchase of the former Impossible Ind. HQ in Manhattan, and the subsequent legal loss, J.J. seems intent on honouring the life of his father- and, in a surprising twist, his brother as well. J.J. has spent weeks renovating the once former home of Scaramantula into the new Venture Museum. While most of it is dedicated to the works of his father, the late Jonas Venture, a small side hall in the old missile silos has been dedicated to the, admittedly lesser, work of his brother, Rusty Venture.
Ghost Planet Industries - Moltar
[ ] Broadcast Licensed Programming
Somehow, Eddy managed to talk Moltar into cooperatively launching a channel exclusively for re-runs of old shows. Only as far as the pitch goes, they won't be marketing them as re-runs. With 40 years of missing memories, that only means Paradigm City has 40 years of TV to catch up on. The new channel "Boomerang" is scheduled to launch within the coming months.
Astonishingly, for a Scam Co project, everything seems… reasonably above board? You've got a funny feeling it won't stay that way.
Country Con Carne - Hector Con Carne
[ ] Make a Proposition
That weird brain is back, and you think it's trying to do business.
"Okay, leesten. The whole 'destroying you' thing -- that's still on. But I can't help but notice that you are moving into the Coffee industry, eh? This is something I know very very well. Almost as well as bananas. Now I know what you might be thinking: How can I possibly compete with Hector's brilliant business sense? Well good news, amigo, you don't have to. I would be willing to handle branding and distribution for you. After all, you need to get that stuff to peoples' mugs, right? I can get your mocha poured in every cantina from Caraccas to Cleveland. Where do you think they get the bananas in their banana splits? I've got connections you couldn't dream of, Señor Padre! And the best part? We won't even be stepping on each others' toes. We will call your stuff Coffee™, with the big 'C', and mine will be the regular little c kind. See? Two new markets! Am I not a genius, or what?"
Select one of the following. This vote is separate from the other one.
[ ] Deal
Result: +1 Income from expansion into the LatAm market. Hector personally handles all of the branding and distribution of your Coffee™. Maybe Hector leaves you alone?
[ ] No Deal
Result: Hector becomes a competitor. He will probably be very annoying. You retain full rights to decide what to do with your coffee.
VOTE WILL BE CALLED IN 24 HOURS
THERE WILL BE A 12 HOUR MORATORIUM
Superjail - The Warden
[ ] Capitulate to Guild Demands
After an extended insurrection by supervillainous inmates belonging to the Guild of Calamitous Intent, Superjail's Warden broke down and signed a release formally acceding to the Guild's long standing agreement with the US penal system not to arrest card carrying villains for super crimes. Notable released prisoners include former sea tyrant Lord Stingray and one-time Powerpuff Girls foe Rainbow T. Clown AKA Mr. Mime. Stingray told reporters on the scene that Mime had been instrumental in securing their release as he had "showed the Warden we were in a grey area, MUAHAHAHAHAH." Mr. Mime did not offer comment, but did very convincingly pretend to be inside a box.
To Be Continued in Mini-Interlude: Mime & Punishment
Professor Impossible
[ ] Drop by
You met your assigned Guild Arch for the first time today. He flew a couple circuits over your house in a funny little flying car. You were having some trouble hearing him at first, so he stretched his entire neck down to ground level and delivered an obviously rehearsed speech about how you were going to rue the day you ever met the dastardly Professor Impossible.
Then he sort of awkwardly asked if the first Friday of next month would be good for a showdown, handed you one of those little edible arrangement fruit baskets, and told you to have a swell rest of your day before puttering off over the horizon.
If it weren't for the fact you later found a time bomb in the fruit basket, that would've been almost neighbourly of him. Huh.
Next turn, your first Arch Action will trigger.
Arches are recurring foes that will continually try to face your Hero Units in some form of combat. They will occasionally meddle in your plans or try to sabotage you, giving some kind of penalty or setback to a National Action or even a quest. It's far from all bad however! Battling with an Arch is a great way to continue a character's own development, improving stats, unlocking traits, and helping them to grow as a person. A potentially evil person. In addition to dealing with them reactively, you may also unlock Arch Actions, which can either by taken as a National Action using both Father and an assigned Hero Unit or as a Personal Action using their Archnemesis's stats (in this case, Father).
K.N.D Remnants - ???
[ ] ???
Does he know?
??? Intrigue Check
22 + 88 + 5 (Hypnotised Ice Cream Men) = 115
Father Opposed
21 + 25 - 10 (Sound Asleep) = 36
Failure
You have some very soggy dreams about trailing toilet paper through the office late at night. You keep hearing a printer's low toner alarm but no matter how much you search you can't seem to find the source.
…
You get a funny feeling you haven't been paying close attention to something important.
[ ] Sabotage Father
You awoke in the dead of night to the sound of tapping on your window. Outside stood a child in a red hood. You were about to give the little brat a piece of your mind for staying up WAY past their bedtime when you were struck by the realisation that your bedroom is on the second storey. The floating caped child grinned at you mischievously. "Hey mister. Do you want
Red Toilet Paper or
Blue Toilet Paper?"
Select one of the following. This vote is also separate.
[ ]
Red Toilet Paper
Result: Uhhhh
[ ]
Blue Toilet Paper
Result: Hmmm
VOTE WILL BE CALLED IN 24 HOURS
THERE WILL BE A 12 HOUR MORATORIUM
