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Can anyone see a situation in which Anton is not the most understanding of the pulls upon our time and attentions?
 
If your theory us correct, then leading Anton on with what Mathilde sees as a marriage of understanding is cruel.

You know in a lot regency romance's the woman goes into the marriage thinking of it as a duty which later will build to love which is a point people voting for marriage are making. Just because she isn't in love at the start doesn't mean it can't grow strong.

Now while Mathilde might not be head over heels in love with Anton she does like him and I think Anton is the only one Mathilde actually gets physical affection from in the form of hugs and that must really be rare for Mathilde and I want her to get more of that because I think it's really hard for her to get that kind of intimacy anywhere else and she deserves to be loved.
 
But she sees it as a marriage of understanding because she thinks he sees it as a marriage of understanding.

...there may be some recursion going on.

I think its perfectly likely that both of them see it as a marriage of understanding/convenience because that's what it is to both of them.
They're friends. That's a thing that can happen. Everything you quoted is perfectly in keeping with interactions between friends who don't get to spend much time together.
 
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