I would like to ask, when you say you'd like a Spokesperson, what precisely do you mean by that? As in, a spokesperson for the company? Or for the OSI?
FATHER QUEST - A Cartoon Network: Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Cross Over
- Thread starter HellaCooltricks
- Start date
MrWealthman
Filthy Capitalist
- Location
- Deep in the piles of cash.
If I had to guess maybe one of their people as a representative to tell us if we're about to do something that they can't cover up or when they want us to help our, but then again I am guessing.
- Pronouns
- He
Nah, you are completly on the wrong track.Hmm I don't know but I think we are agreeing with the deal.
Can't you see the itsy bitsy small print right before the Agree option that says "Dis-".
- Location
- United Kigdom
I interpreted that subvote as basically meaning "Advisor"; someone who could give extra bits of info on are options and the world in general to help us navigate through what's going on
I was going for a company Spokesperson, but just someone to help us know what ODI does or does not like would be nice as well I suppose. Or an Advisor.
Aren't Mr Black and Mr White supposed to be our government advisors? and we just haven't "recruited" them yet.
What gave you that idea?
This part of turn 2 results. Specifically the Liaisons part.
KidFromPallet
Pokemon Fan
- Location
- Pallet Town
Wait, are we asking about getting a spokesperson? Looking at the tally, I thought agreeing without modifying the deal won the vote.
That just says you can recruit them, not in what capacity. Liason is a generously vague term.
I mean it sounds like exactly what @MrWealthman was asking for. If the government wants to tell you they need help. Or If we want the governments opinion on if they can't cover something up or if we'll cross a line by doing an action, having two government agents in the next room seems pretty useful.
Turn 4: Rival Report
You think, for a moment longer.
"HMMMMM…."
Was it really worth it? How badly would this mess with your "street-cred?" Did you really want somebody telling you what to do?
Silence dominated the room, with only the weak crackling of the fire daring to rebel.
Until finally, having smoldered long enough, you come to a decision.
"WELL, MR. Hunter. After CONSIDERABLE thought, I have DECIDED to take you up on your OFFER."
There is an audible release as everyone else in the room finally let go of that breath they didn't know they were holding. Hunter let out a long puff of smoke, before nodding.
"Very good. We'll have a few documents sent over for you to sign, and we'll have you and your associates licenses in the mail. But there is one thing to inform you of."
"WHICH is?"
"The threat up north."
"The GEMS?"
"No. Further north."
For a moment, you didn't really catch the scraggly man's meaning, his unreadable gaze hidden behind the black plastic reflection of yourself shown across his shades. But then it clicked.
"You don't MEAN-"
"I do. We have on good authority that whatever has gone on up in the true north, and it isn't pretty."
"So what? SOME coal under the tree?"
"Wait, Santa Claus is real?" Izzy interrupts.
"Of course he's real, it's been one of our best kept secrets! But no more. And he's got much worse than a bundle of coal for naughty children this year."
"Try military grade-whoop ass, all sorts of voodoo whatsits and hoo-doo evil." Triester said, squiggling his fingers in a spooky and dismissive method.
"Indeed. We are sharing this information with a few on a need to know basis. But prepare yourself-"
"Santa Claus is coming to town. And he's not the only one."
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJU4GrXztE
—-------------------------------------------------------
Black Hat Organization
[ ] Survive Christmas
It would seem that Krampus visited Black Hat this year for a delightful spot of tea. They discuss the topics of the rising price of souls and the current crop of would-be super villains while negotiating over a prized vintage of orphaned child spirits.
[ ] Begin to Market Overseas
In addition to being the time for peace and love, Christmas is also the time for sales, deals, and most of all capitalism. Unfortunately for Black Hat, however, his recent attempt to break into the North American market sees the latter half of Christmas overcome by the first. Though some deals are made by those desperate to fend off the invariable attacks of Santa Claus, the high prices of his wares and undercutting by Scam Co. knockoffs see him once again rebuked. Dr. Flug, Black Hat's chief of… Well, everything at the moment, will almost certainly not be having a very jolly holiday because of this.
Endsville Energy Solutions
[ ] Survive Christmas
Mandy seems eerily prepared for this sort of thing. You can only hazard a guess that somehow, someway, she had dealt with this sort of thing. Or perhaps she simply saw it coming. In either case, when a blood-mad ape-Santa-thing came to Endsville atop a sleigh of half-gnawed bone, Mandy and Endsville were armed to the teeth. Sure, she brought a few more cloves of garlic and stakes of holly than were necessary, but her security force relentlessly pursued the creature until it was eventually chased off into the wilderness. With minimal damages to infrastructure, and only minor casualties reported, Mandy enjoyed a mostly quiet Christmas afterward.
[ ] Integrate Demonic Entities into Workplace
With the markets booming, first with the surge in demand for power from Christmas lights and heating, and then later home defense, Endsville Energy Solution's need for manpower saw a large-scale integration of the daemonic population into its workforce. Mandy, usually morose and often bluntly to the point in her declarations, did give a "holiday speech" addressing this.
"...As Endsville Energy Solutions push forwards towards the future, and downwards in a literal sense, I would like to remind you all during this holiday season that you are all equal under my vision of this company and under me."
Posters of Bill from accounting chatting with Rgha'fla'chtrr the Unspeakable around the water cooler, Susie from HR eating lunch with Avaraeth First Lady of Torment, and Fred the field mechanic instructing Fred the Tusk Demon about proper safety measures around high-voltage electricity.
During the announcement, Mandy also announced two new officer positions opening at the company, with Chief of Communications and Chief of Human-Demon-Resources. She also acknowledged that a strong candidate for each had already passed preliminary reviews, and was near the end of the negotiation process.
Gem Homeworld Colony
[ ] Survive Christmas
Despite their close proximity to the North Pole, most of the Santas seem to ignore the shining crystalline outposts, glimmering strongholds, and ominous kindergartens of the Gem Empire studded into the frozen reaches of Canada. The few that do stop by are mostly those of the absent-minded and jovial types, of which more than a few confuse the smaller gems with children. While Peridot and Jasper alongside the other ruling "caste" are given veins worth of coal, numerous smaller gems such as Rubies are given all sorts of presents. Even if they don't quite understand the value of toys, the majority seem pleased to have someone looking out for them.
"What did you get from the human Criss-mass 'gifting' event, Jasper?"
"The rotund human delivered us a hundred units of polishing utensils. I should have blasted that bio-form from the sky. Or at least asked for more human munitions."
"Lucky. All I got was a primitive human-computer and a bag of 'flamin hot' preservative-added chips made of baked cornmeal."
"Ah….. What's Corn?"
[ ] Weaponize Coal
When your Diamonds give you sub-adequate materials to conduct a war and colonization effort against hostile life forms, you take advantage of the materials delivered to you by an unknown force to create tools that will allow you to succeed. An odd saying to be sure, and Peridot can't exactly place what part of the 2nd Era it originated from, but it was incredibly adept at describing the current situation.
With a large deposit of materials, Peridot began to tweak and play with their chemical and molecular construction. Perhaps something could be salvaged out of this odd delivery after all.
[ ] Prepare Defenses
Reports indicate that the gems have taken the absence of Father to try and further entrench themselves into their held territory. Reports of Gem activity around large crevices in the ground also indicate some sort of deep-core mining operation, but the exact results of this have proven inconclusive. All they seemed to have mined out, besides very deep incursions into the mantle, are a honeycomb of holes that pocket the sides of the ravine.
[ ] Retake Warp Pads
Despite their current defensive posture, the Gem forces did attempt a series of minor attacks on more scattered fronts. Gems were identified as having targeted areas near large, flat and highly geometric crystalline circular slabs, and were noted to have fought with great tenacity in their recapture. However, this mostly resulted in failure, or in some cases, purposeful damaging of the structures themselves.
The Guild of Calamitous Intent
[ ] Survive Christmas
It occurred explicitly out of nowhere. With a jingle of the sled, a twinkle of its eyes and a ho-ho-ho, justice had come to the Guild, wearing a big red suit. But in this case, the "S" on his chest didn't stand for Hope: It stood for S. As in for Super. Super as in for Super-Santa. While details are sketchy, due to the work of the Guild, what's known is this. In an isolated area in an undisclosed desert, Super Santa smashed his way through the earth and into a Guild organized Christmas party. The costumed villains put up a fight, but were thoroughly wrecked in the process, with the Sovereign and his council severely beaten up. However, before any could be taken into custody, Christmas eve ended, and Super Santa was forced to return to the North Pole.
Katz Ventures
[ ] Survive Christmas
In a similar circumstance to the Super Santa incident, a single Santa Claus was recorded flying into Nowhere. Other Santas only made brief, short stops on cities nearing its perimeter.
No Santa that was seen flying within its deep interior or near Katz Venture HQ was reported as seen flying out of it.
[ ] Create new type of Gingerbread
In accordance with the holiday season, Katz has recently started selling a new type of Gingerbread made with "real Christmas magic." Limited time only, made in small batches.
Mandark Co.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Just as with Mandy, Mandark too seemed quite invested in his time in preventing the inevitable attack of Santa Claus. While your information network can't seem to get a read on exactly what it was that attacked him, you do know that he successfully beat it back to the North Pole thanks to that giant robot he made. Although, it seems like it took quite a bit of time to do so, as there were no further reports of activity.
Scam Co.
[ ] Survive Christmas
It would seem that Eddy was deemed naughty by more than one Santa, and he didn't really have the firepower to fend them off. Coal was piled high in Eddy's office and underneath his Christmas tree, which was still a better gift than the bolo tie his parents bought for him.
As supply far outstrips the demand, Eddy can't sell the coal for more than a few jawbreakers per ton.
[ ] Sell Scam Co Play Products
When it comes to Christmas, Eddy loves the holiday. Mostly because it is the profitable time of the year. Gifts fly off the shelves, people practically tripping over themselves to rush to the stores for the best deals on the best products. But there has to be something for those who leave empty handed. After all, who wants to have nothing under the tree? That's where Scam Co. steps in, offering a veritable horde of affordable presents for all those poor, poor, poor people who couldn't cough up the dough for the real stuff, or those suckers who couldn't make it to the stores in time.
Now, to be fair, these Gamebox 4000's and Yapple Ed-Phones are probably not going to last the year, perhaps not even Christmas day. But to Eddy, that's an acceptable trade off.
U.S. Government
[ ] Survive Christmas
The U.S. Government, of course, had some sort of contingency. Well, to be fair, contingencies. They made one for every Santa they had a file on. While there was a bit of confusion as to how they had come up with so many different plans, things went exceedingly well in all of their execution. Tracking the Santas as they came down south, the government had already diverted the more reasonable ones from the path of its military facilities and secret laboratories. For those that did not, they were met with an utterly ridiculous amount of surface to air missiles.
Puma-Dyne Weapon Systems
[ ] Survive Christmas
Evidently, there is a cat-themed Santa Claus. There is also a Santa Claus who is a freakish amalgamate of Santa Claus and a centipede that rampages through towns that do not provide ample amounts of gingerbread houses. Thankfully, Santa Claus, the one with claws, chose to soothe the hunger pangs of his multi-segmented friend before departing, leaving only minor damage to the city at large. There was a last minute attempt by unknown parties to try and assassinate Santa Claus, but the cat was already out of the (gift) bag.
You note that whoever is writing these reports should probably stop using bad puns.
Providence
[ ] Contain EVO Presence
EVOs don't take a holiday, and neither does Providence. Thankfully, there seems to have been a quiet period for the end of the year, as the number of "activations" reported to your news station has been relatively few. In fact, it was almost a silent night. Except for one incident.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Disastrously, one EVO really was working on Christmas. Horrifically bloated like a bowl full of rotten jelly, and with twinkles in its eyes that marked the ignition for its laser vision, you nearly tossed your cookies when you saw it in the news. The rampaging monster of holiday nightmares rampaged mindlessly across the woodlands of the North East coastline, before eventually being captured and subdued by Providence. However, before it was fully contained, the Santa EVO destroyed practically billions worth of property. The sluggish response time proved to be hazardous for the public's perception of Providence.
Paradigm Corporation
[ ] Survive Christmas
As a man with no memory of Christmas, the holiday season is foreign to Alex. Nevertheless, he had followed all the preparations. Tree? Check. Cookies? Check. Christmas tree? Check. Paradigm City had never looked so festive before, as those that visited brought their infectious cheer with them. It was truly unfortunate, however, that the Santa Claus that would visit Alex was by no means cheery. Reports of vampire attacks flooded the city for weeks afterward, and monstrous toys chased children for weeks, before being trapped and dumped into the flame. It was only thanks to the mysterious intervention of a giant flying robot that the ghoulish Santa Claus was fended off. However, the after effects of such a disastrous Christmas, and the sudden introduction of a vampiric population into Paradigm City would have lingering effects which were still unclear (and undead.)
McLean Productions
[ ] Survive Christmas
Composite Santa-Claus was seen flying directly into Total Drama City State's ongoing construction site, causing mass-damage and testicular torsion amongst all those who dared get in the way of his half-festive half-frozen rampage. McLean tries to make the best of it by running an impromptu "Kill Santa Claus" Challenge amongst his contestants, but it takes more than a few beaten bruised interns before Composite Santa-Claus is finally forced away.
[ ] "A Very McLean Christmas Carol"
Attempting to put on a production of a Christmas Carol while being attacked by a composite of Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman, haunted by demons summoned by an evil drummer, and being kicked repeatedly in the groin by a nutcracker is a daunting task. Chris just somehow, barely, barely, managed to do it. You had to admit, even though McLean was doubled down in pain and half the set had been burned to cinders, you really connected with the struggle of Tiny Tim as portrayed by a Chef Hatchet walking around on his knees.
VenTech Ind.
[ ] Research Advanced Medical Diagnostics
Medical research by Ventech Ind. has been growing in leaps and bounds under the watchful eye of the company's founder and owner, Jonas Junior Venture. While short of stature, his vision of the future is massive, as is his brain. The new medical hardware created will be able to give deep and thorough analysis of the human body via a swarm of nanomachines. Though some have raised concerns about the dangers of Nanite technology, JJ's reassurance that the machinery is purely diagnostic in nature and has no ability to manipulate the biological functions of a creature is able to leap the hurdle of public perception.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Christmas catches Ventech by surprise, despite the warnings provided by others. It just didn't make sense to JJ that perhaps something would be coming from the North Pole. JJ was wrong, of course. While New York is a big city, and it has a few heroes left to defend it, that doesn't stop a swarm of Santa's from flying into its airspace. More than a few are good, and truth be told, JJ does end the night with more than a few presents under his tree. Unfortunately, like a menace from another time (or reality), a robotic Santa Claus with a vendetta for the Big Apple made himself more than a little of a nuisance. Engaging in an aerial duel above the city as he attempts to deal with his terminally long list of naughty people, the robotic Santa unleashes mechanized terrors and total warfare, until JJ finally chooses to confront him in a mechanized robot suit of his own. After a brutal hour of combat, and more then a few interventions and last minute Christmas Miracles, JJ emerges triumphant, claiming victory with a charming "Go Team Venture!"
Moltar Coast to Coast
[ ] Survive Christmas
As the undisputed ruler of the moon, Moltar has made any escape of orbit or attack on the moon an incredibly challenging and daunting affair. Yet still, more than a few try for it: These Santa Claus's only reward, however, is a hail of laser fire and a long, long, long tumble back to terra firma.Those extra-terrestrial Santa Claus did not fare much better: Moltar sees them sent back to their home planets with their gooses cooked.
[ ] Host a Christmas Party… For Space Jesus
While the dumbest Santa Claus in the galaxy threw themselves into the metaphorical Space Grinder, Moltar decides to host a celebration for the true meaning of Christmas.
Jesus.
Space Jesus.
While not a religious man himself, Moltar acknowledges the large majority of Space Shristians (and Earth Christians, presumably), and intends to get a slice of that market. Thus was born Moltar's Space Jesus Christmas Party, featuring a live reenactment of the birth of Space Jesus, alongside a variety of Special Guest Stars which consists of mostly Moltar, Brak, Zorak and Thundercleese. However, some of the special's segments do raise some eyebrows---a renegade Gem named Spinel performs a slapstick comedy routine followed by a dogmatic sermon from Lord Reinrassig III insisting that Space Jesus was a Highbreed.
Santa Claus
[ ] Visit Father (25)
Rudo Claus (1d100 = 52+ 30 + 2 = 84)
VS
Father (1d100 = 65 + 37 + 5 = 107)
It was an odd thing, really, to wait for Santa. You had done it before, back when you were a child. You and Monty would sit there, for hours maybe, waiting for the big fat man. He was one of the few people that Pappy never could have broken, or perhaps defeated. But time and time again, you and Monty would fall asleep, eventually waking up and finding a pile of toys- practically contraband- stuffed into your drying socks.
This, to your understanding, wouldn't be that Santa. Nor could you afford to fall asleep. This one could be anything. Anyone. So instead, you sat, waiting. Your eyes blazing, your hand gripped around a warm mug of eggnog. Not, that you drank it warm, but you know, fire powers, and all. Couldn't help it.
It was just past midnight when he arrived. To be frank, the resemblance was only mild. Practically body slamming his way down the chimney, the so-called Santa was a walking gourd of a man. A big fat belly wobbled atop short, stumpy legs clad in what seemed to be military cargo pants, if such a thing existed. Atop the belly came a pair of pecs, meaty, and powerful, built like a brick house. Hairy, muscled arms sprung out, like a set of a pair of flabby badgers on steroids. The only articles of clothing the imposter (as far as you cared) wore was a set of black, shiny boots that reflected your scowling eyes, some candy-cane suspenders that just barely circumvented his gut back down to golden buckles on his waist, and what could only be described as some horrendous mixture of shoulder pads and cape, made of fine white fur and red silk.
Oh.
And the mask.
That part was weird. It was green, leather-made. The kind wrestlers down south of the border and Jack Black would wear.
Didn't matter much though.
"Mr. Uno, I presume?"
The Santa Claus' voice had a distinct flair of drama to it, and carried a touch of a Hispanic accent. But more so it sounded like a retired general, finally getting the chance to fight once again.
"Correct."
"I hear you are a strong man, Mr. Uno."
"Correct again."
"I can respect that. But I also hear that you are turning a new page?"
Your fist clenches. Your eggnog boils.
"Come again?"
"Indeed. I hear you're going soft! Becoming a Técnico."
"Well. That won't DO."
Rising up from your chair, you hardly move a muscle. You simply glided into a standing position.
"What's your name?"
"Ha ha! You face the terror of Rudo Claus! Prepare yourself, Mr. Uno, for the fight of your life before Christmas!"
"You don't say?"
You decide that you've had enough of being nice for one day. Instead, you simply stretched your palm out and chose to incinerate him. That ought to earn some naughty points.
Flames sprayed from your palms like a literal fire hose. Rudo Claus, though, moved quickly. Leaping up in the air with more agility than was suggested by his bulging frame, he grinned.
"One Horse Carriage Slayer!" He cried out, suddenly enveloped into a corona of light.
What happened next surprised you. Where once there had been a very buff old man, there was now a sleigh. With his face on it. And with sawblades.
The sleigh then flew at you.
"HOLY MOTHER OF-"
Flinging your arms out at the last minute, you just barely stop the collision as the sleigh crashed into you, catching it by its hull. Crashing past your chair, your feet dug grooves into the wooden floor as you struggled to stop the weight.
"HOW did you turn into a SLEIGH?"
"THE POWER OF MUCHA-MAGIC, MUHAHAHA!"
That wasn't a satisfactory answer, but neither was your grapple. Thinking fast, you vanish into a blast of smoke, letting him crash out through your window, and into your front yard and going onwards to utterly demolish the god-awful toilet paper Christmas tree that had "mysteriously" sprung up on your yard. Reappearing in the remains of your shattered glass window, you looked out over into the snow, trying to find the intruder. As you looked, small flashes of red and distant explosions rocked the sky, as hundreds of other Santa's poured across the night. Unfortunately, the view provided just the right distraction. You heard Rudo Claus before you saw him.
"Boxing Day Bargain Bin Blitz!"
This time, a tidal wave of what looked like Scam Co. products came rushing at you across the snow. Gritting your teeth, you close your eyes. You were getting tired of this phony, and close proximity to the cold was already making you feel frosty. This time, you don't give much indication of an attack- The pile of garbage only had moments to dodge the sudden barrage of fire that zipped from your eyes, scorching the discounted trash with a sudden surge of flame. Tumbling from the pile of actual garbage toys, Rudo Claus sputtered and dusted off the ash.
"Ah! No fair! You didn't even say your attack's name?"
"Didn't NEED to."
"That's evil!"
"Good."
Figuring that his gimmick was probably something based on the fact he kept transforming to attack you, him sitting on the ground was clearly the best time to strike. In a matter of seconds, you've already appeared near him, a burning palm smacking down upon him with incredible force.
Slapping the Santa-like into the ground, you are surprised to see him practically bounce, like a knee drop in a wrestling ring rebounding off the mat, up into the sky. Despite the pain, he takes his opportunity.
"FINE! Don't want to play nice? Well, I can play naughty! Rudolph The Red-Nosed Riot!"
In a flash, the man is gone, and in his place, a very angry looking Reindeer with a missile for his nose. It's charging the moment it comes into view.
"Oh YEAH?"
Standing your ground, rage building. Did this idiot know how long it was going to take to rebuild your living room windows!?! If you have anything to say, you'll make sure he never has the chance to find out. Clenching your fists, the reindeer approaches.
You can feel your blood boiling.
10 meters.
You focus on the anger.
5 meters.
Sweet lordy-loo, you hated this guy. Why?
1 meter.
Because he called you nice? Because he ruined your house?
Now or never.
No. It's because he pretended to be Santa Claus. It was the principle of the thing. So you take all your rage, your anger, your hate. And just let it…
Go.
Rudo never saw it coming. The moment he made an impact, you simply exploded. It's kind of hard to wrestle someone actively on fire, you supposed; it must be nearly impossible to wrestle somebody who was actively exploding.
Knocked back by the shockwave of your sudden outburst of power, he was startled, and you decided to give him the best gift you knew: A knuckle sandwich. In a blast of smoke, you are upon him, landing hits with the force of shooting stars upon his bowl full of jelly.
"I concede! I concede!"
He pleaded, he begged, banging on the concrete as you pummeled him. But you weren't quite done yet. With a great heave and a ho, you grab the wrestler by his feet.
"What… What are you doing!?!
"I'M making a SPECIAL delivery!"
With a massive feat of strength, you begin to swing the fat man around, spinning on your heels as you begin to rapidly accelerate, sparks leaping off your feet and burning the ground around you. Around and around and around you spin, before finally, finally, letting. Him. Go.
He flies far and fast. And with an added bit of English, you rear up another fireball and coast it right on after him.
"Oh. And a MERRY Christmas to you."
With a job well done, you dust your hands and turn around… Just to remember that big hole in your wall
"Great… Maybe Santa can bring me a new wall."
KND REMNANTS
[ ] Sabotage Father
Your Ice Cream Men seem to have launched a sudden and unprecedented rebellion! Out of the blue, one by one they started bad mouthing adults, pulling pranks on your employees, and refusing to eat their vegetables! It's like they've suddenly become convinced that they're a bunch of snot nosed kids. You're not sure what prompted this bad behavior but the glazed look in their eyes surely has something to do with it. The only clue you could discover was a funny looking snake in the bushes near their parlor.
["Train Ice Cream Men" action locked behind Occult "Un-Hypnotise Ice Cream Men" action. Until this action is taken, KND Splinter Cell martial rolls against you gain +5 due to the Ice Cream Men actively helping them.]
"HMMMMM…."
Was it really worth it? How badly would this mess with your "street-cred?" Did you really want somebody telling you what to do?
Silence dominated the room, with only the weak crackling of the fire daring to rebel.
Until finally, having smoldered long enough, you come to a decision.
"WELL, MR. Hunter. After CONSIDERABLE thought, I have DECIDED to take you up on your OFFER."
There is an audible release as everyone else in the room finally let go of that breath they didn't know they were holding. Hunter let out a long puff of smoke, before nodding.
"Very good. We'll have a few documents sent over for you to sign, and we'll have you and your associates licenses in the mail. But there is one thing to inform you of."
"WHICH is?"
"The threat up north."
"The GEMS?"
"No. Further north."
For a moment, you didn't really catch the scraggly man's meaning, his unreadable gaze hidden behind the black plastic reflection of yourself shown across his shades. But then it clicked.
"You don't MEAN-"
"I do. We have on good authority that whatever has gone on up in the true north, and it isn't pretty."
"So what? SOME coal under the tree?"
"Wait, Santa Claus is real?" Izzy interrupts.
"Of course he's real, it's been one of our best kept secrets! But no more. And he's got much worse than a bundle of coal for naughty children this year."
"Try military grade-whoop ass, all sorts of voodoo whatsits and hoo-doo evil." Triester said, squiggling his fingers in a spooky and dismissive method.
"Indeed. We are sharing this information with a few on a need to know basis. But prepare yourself-"
"Santa Claus is coming to town. And he's not the only one."
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJU4GrXztE
—-------------------------------------------------------
Black Hat Organization
[ ] Survive Christmas
It would seem that Krampus visited Black Hat this year for a delightful spot of tea. They discuss the topics of the rising price of souls and the current crop of would-be super villains while negotiating over a prized vintage of orphaned child spirits.
[ ] Begin to Market Overseas
In addition to being the time for peace and love, Christmas is also the time for sales, deals, and most of all capitalism. Unfortunately for Black Hat, however, his recent attempt to break into the North American market sees the latter half of Christmas overcome by the first. Though some deals are made by those desperate to fend off the invariable attacks of Santa Claus, the high prices of his wares and undercutting by Scam Co. knockoffs see him once again rebuked. Dr. Flug, Black Hat's chief of… Well, everything at the moment, will almost certainly not be having a very jolly holiday because of this.
Endsville Energy Solutions
[ ] Survive Christmas
Mandy seems eerily prepared for this sort of thing. You can only hazard a guess that somehow, someway, she had dealt with this sort of thing. Or perhaps she simply saw it coming. In either case, when a blood-mad ape-Santa-thing came to Endsville atop a sleigh of half-gnawed bone, Mandy and Endsville were armed to the teeth. Sure, she brought a few more cloves of garlic and stakes of holly than were necessary, but her security force relentlessly pursued the creature until it was eventually chased off into the wilderness. With minimal damages to infrastructure, and only minor casualties reported, Mandy enjoyed a mostly quiet Christmas afterward.
[ ] Integrate Demonic Entities into Workplace
With the markets booming, first with the surge in demand for power from Christmas lights and heating, and then later home defense, Endsville Energy Solution's need for manpower saw a large-scale integration of the daemonic population into its workforce. Mandy, usually morose and often bluntly to the point in her declarations, did give a "holiday speech" addressing this.
"...As Endsville Energy Solutions push forwards towards the future, and downwards in a literal sense, I would like to remind you all during this holiday season that you are all equal under my vision of this company and under me."
Posters of Bill from accounting chatting with Rgha'fla'chtrr the Unspeakable around the water cooler, Susie from HR eating lunch with Avaraeth First Lady of Torment, and Fred the field mechanic instructing Fred the Tusk Demon about proper safety measures around high-voltage electricity.
During the announcement, Mandy also announced two new officer positions opening at the company, with Chief of Communications and Chief of Human-Demon-Resources. She also acknowledged that a strong candidate for each had already passed preliminary reviews, and was near the end of the negotiation process.
Gem Homeworld Colony
[ ] Survive Christmas
Despite their close proximity to the North Pole, most of the Santas seem to ignore the shining crystalline outposts, glimmering strongholds, and ominous kindergartens of the Gem Empire studded into the frozen reaches of Canada. The few that do stop by are mostly those of the absent-minded and jovial types, of which more than a few confuse the smaller gems with children. While Peridot and Jasper alongside the other ruling "caste" are given veins worth of coal, numerous smaller gems such as Rubies are given all sorts of presents. Even if they don't quite understand the value of toys, the majority seem pleased to have someone looking out for them.
"What did you get from the human Criss-mass 'gifting' event, Jasper?"
"The rotund human delivered us a hundred units of polishing utensils. I should have blasted that bio-form from the sky. Or at least asked for more human munitions."
"Lucky. All I got was a primitive human-computer and a bag of 'flamin hot' preservative-added chips made of baked cornmeal."
"Ah….. What's Corn?"
[ ] Weaponize Coal
When your Diamonds give you sub-adequate materials to conduct a war and colonization effort against hostile life forms, you take advantage of the materials delivered to you by an unknown force to create tools that will allow you to succeed. An odd saying to be sure, and Peridot can't exactly place what part of the 2nd Era it originated from, but it was incredibly adept at describing the current situation.
With a large deposit of materials, Peridot began to tweak and play with their chemical and molecular construction. Perhaps something could be salvaged out of this odd delivery after all.
[ ] Prepare Defenses
Reports indicate that the gems have taken the absence of Father to try and further entrench themselves into their held territory. Reports of Gem activity around large crevices in the ground also indicate some sort of deep-core mining operation, but the exact results of this have proven inconclusive. All they seemed to have mined out, besides very deep incursions into the mantle, are a honeycomb of holes that pocket the sides of the ravine.
[ ] Retake Warp Pads
Despite their current defensive posture, the Gem forces did attempt a series of minor attacks on more scattered fronts. Gems were identified as having targeted areas near large, flat and highly geometric crystalline circular slabs, and were noted to have fought with great tenacity in their recapture. However, this mostly resulted in failure, or in some cases, purposeful damaging of the structures themselves.
The Guild of Calamitous Intent
[ ] Survive Christmas
It occurred explicitly out of nowhere. With a jingle of the sled, a twinkle of its eyes and a ho-ho-ho, justice had come to the Guild, wearing a big red suit. But in this case, the "S" on his chest didn't stand for Hope: It stood for S. As in for Super. Super as in for Super-Santa. While details are sketchy, due to the work of the Guild, what's known is this. In an isolated area in an undisclosed desert, Super Santa smashed his way through the earth and into a Guild organized Christmas party. The costumed villains put up a fight, but were thoroughly wrecked in the process, with the Sovereign and his council severely beaten up. However, before any could be taken into custody, Christmas eve ended, and Super Santa was forced to return to the North Pole.
Katz Ventures
[ ] Survive Christmas
In a similar circumstance to the Super Santa incident, a single Santa Claus was recorded flying into Nowhere. Other Santas only made brief, short stops on cities nearing its perimeter.
No Santa that was seen flying within its deep interior or near Katz Venture HQ was reported as seen flying out of it.
[ ] Create new type of Gingerbread
In accordance with the holiday season, Katz has recently started selling a new type of Gingerbread made with "real Christmas magic." Limited time only, made in small batches.
Mandark Co.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Just as with Mandy, Mandark too seemed quite invested in his time in preventing the inevitable attack of Santa Claus. While your information network can't seem to get a read on exactly what it was that attacked him, you do know that he successfully beat it back to the North Pole thanks to that giant robot he made. Although, it seems like it took quite a bit of time to do so, as there were no further reports of activity.
Scam Co.
[ ] Survive Christmas
It would seem that Eddy was deemed naughty by more than one Santa, and he didn't really have the firepower to fend them off. Coal was piled high in Eddy's office and underneath his Christmas tree, which was still a better gift than the bolo tie his parents bought for him.
As supply far outstrips the demand, Eddy can't sell the coal for more than a few jawbreakers per ton.
[ ] Sell Scam Co Play Products
When it comes to Christmas, Eddy loves the holiday. Mostly because it is the profitable time of the year. Gifts fly off the shelves, people practically tripping over themselves to rush to the stores for the best deals on the best products. But there has to be something for those who leave empty handed. After all, who wants to have nothing under the tree? That's where Scam Co. steps in, offering a veritable horde of affordable presents for all those poor, poor, poor people who couldn't cough up the dough for the real stuff, or those suckers who couldn't make it to the stores in time.
Now, to be fair, these Gamebox 4000's and Yapple Ed-Phones are probably not going to last the year, perhaps not even Christmas day. But to Eddy, that's an acceptable trade off.
U.S. Government
[ ] Survive Christmas
The U.S. Government, of course, had some sort of contingency. Well, to be fair, contingencies. They made one for every Santa they had a file on. While there was a bit of confusion as to how they had come up with so many different plans, things went exceedingly well in all of their execution. Tracking the Santas as they came down south, the government had already diverted the more reasonable ones from the path of its military facilities and secret laboratories. For those that did not, they were met with an utterly ridiculous amount of surface to air missiles.
Puma-Dyne Weapon Systems
[ ] Survive Christmas
Evidently, there is a cat-themed Santa Claus. There is also a Santa Claus who is a freakish amalgamate of Santa Claus and a centipede that rampages through towns that do not provide ample amounts of gingerbread houses. Thankfully, Santa Claus, the one with claws, chose to soothe the hunger pangs of his multi-segmented friend before departing, leaving only minor damage to the city at large. There was a last minute attempt by unknown parties to try and assassinate Santa Claus, but the cat was already out of the (gift) bag.
You note that whoever is writing these reports should probably stop using bad puns.
Providence
[ ] Contain EVO Presence
EVOs don't take a holiday, and neither does Providence. Thankfully, there seems to have been a quiet period for the end of the year, as the number of "activations" reported to your news station has been relatively few. In fact, it was almost a silent night. Except for one incident.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Disastrously, one EVO really was working on Christmas. Horrifically bloated like a bowl full of rotten jelly, and with twinkles in its eyes that marked the ignition for its laser vision, you nearly tossed your cookies when you saw it in the news. The rampaging monster of holiday nightmares rampaged mindlessly across the woodlands of the North East coastline, before eventually being captured and subdued by Providence. However, before it was fully contained, the Santa EVO destroyed practically billions worth of property. The sluggish response time proved to be hazardous for the public's perception of Providence.
Paradigm Corporation
[ ] Survive Christmas
As a man with no memory of Christmas, the holiday season is foreign to Alex. Nevertheless, he had followed all the preparations. Tree? Check. Cookies? Check. Christmas tree? Check. Paradigm City had never looked so festive before, as those that visited brought their infectious cheer with them. It was truly unfortunate, however, that the Santa Claus that would visit Alex was by no means cheery. Reports of vampire attacks flooded the city for weeks afterward, and monstrous toys chased children for weeks, before being trapped and dumped into the flame. It was only thanks to the mysterious intervention of a giant flying robot that the ghoulish Santa Claus was fended off. However, the after effects of such a disastrous Christmas, and the sudden introduction of a vampiric population into Paradigm City would have lingering effects which were still unclear (and undead.)
McLean Productions
[ ] Survive Christmas
Composite Santa-Claus was seen flying directly into Total Drama City State's ongoing construction site, causing mass-damage and testicular torsion amongst all those who dared get in the way of his half-festive half-frozen rampage. McLean tries to make the best of it by running an impromptu "Kill Santa Claus" Challenge amongst his contestants, but it takes more than a few beaten bruised interns before Composite Santa-Claus is finally forced away.
[ ] "A Very McLean Christmas Carol"
Attempting to put on a production of a Christmas Carol while being attacked by a composite of Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman, haunted by demons summoned by an evil drummer, and being kicked repeatedly in the groin by a nutcracker is a daunting task. Chris just somehow, barely, barely, managed to do it. You had to admit, even though McLean was doubled down in pain and half the set had been burned to cinders, you really connected with the struggle of Tiny Tim as portrayed by a Chef Hatchet walking around on his knees.
VenTech Ind.
[ ] Research Advanced Medical Diagnostics
Medical research by Ventech Ind. has been growing in leaps and bounds under the watchful eye of the company's founder and owner, Jonas Junior Venture. While short of stature, his vision of the future is massive, as is his brain. The new medical hardware created will be able to give deep and thorough analysis of the human body via a swarm of nanomachines. Though some have raised concerns about the dangers of Nanite technology, JJ's reassurance that the machinery is purely diagnostic in nature and has no ability to manipulate the biological functions of a creature is able to leap the hurdle of public perception.
[ ] Survive Christmas
Christmas catches Ventech by surprise, despite the warnings provided by others. It just didn't make sense to JJ that perhaps something would be coming from the North Pole. JJ was wrong, of course. While New York is a big city, and it has a few heroes left to defend it, that doesn't stop a swarm of Santa's from flying into its airspace. More than a few are good, and truth be told, JJ does end the night with more than a few presents under his tree. Unfortunately, like a menace from another time (or reality), a robotic Santa Claus with a vendetta for the Big Apple made himself more than a little of a nuisance. Engaging in an aerial duel above the city as he attempts to deal with his terminally long list of naughty people, the robotic Santa unleashes mechanized terrors and total warfare, until JJ finally chooses to confront him in a mechanized robot suit of his own. After a brutal hour of combat, and more then a few interventions and last minute Christmas Miracles, JJ emerges triumphant, claiming victory with a charming "Go Team Venture!"
Moltar Coast to Coast
[ ] Survive Christmas
As the undisputed ruler of the moon, Moltar has made any escape of orbit or attack on the moon an incredibly challenging and daunting affair. Yet still, more than a few try for it: These Santa Claus's only reward, however, is a hail of laser fire and a long, long, long tumble back to terra firma.Those extra-terrestrial Santa Claus did not fare much better: Moltar sees them sent back to their home planets with their gooses cooked.
[ ] Host a Christmas Party… For Space Jesus
While the dumbest Santa Claus in the galaxy threw themselves into the metaphorical Space Grinder, Moltar decides to host a celebration for the true meaning of Christmas.
Jesus.
Space Jesus.
While not a religious man himself, Moltar acknowledges the large majority of Space Shristians (and Earth Christians, presumably), and intends to get a slice of that market. Thus was born Moltar's Space Jesus Christmas Party, featuring a live reenactment of the birth of Space Jesus, alongside a variety of Special Guest Stars which consists of mostly Moltar, Brak, Zorak and Thundercleese. However, some of the special's segments do raise some eyebrows---a renegade Gem named Spinel performs a slapstick comedy routine followed by a dogmatic sermon from Lord Reinrassig III insisting that Space Jesus was a Highbreed.
Santa Claus
[ ] Visit Father (25)
Rudo Claus (1d100 = 52+ 30 + 2 = 84)
VS
Father (1d100 = 65 + 37 + 5 = 107)
It was an odd thing, really, to wait for Santa. You had done it before, back when you were a child. You and Monty would sit there, for hours maybe, waiting for the big fat man. He was one of the few people that Pappy never could have broken, or perhaps defeated. But time and time again, you and Monty would fall asleep, eventually waking up and finding a pile of toys- practically contraband- stuffed into your drying socks.
This, to your understanding, wouldn't be that Santa. Nor could you afford to fall asleep. This one could be anything. Anyone. So instead, you sat, waiting. Your eyes blazing, your hand gripped around a warm mug of eggnog. Not, that you drank it warm, but you know, fire powers, and all. Couldn't help it.
It was just past midnight when he arrived. To be frank, the resemblance was only mild. Practically body slamming his way down the chimney, the so-called Santa was a walking gourd of a man. A big fat belly wobbled atop short, stumpy legs clad in what seemed to be military cargo pants, if such a thing existed. Atop the belly came a pair of pecs, meaty, and powerful, built like a brick house. Hairy, muscled arms sprung out, like a set of a pair of flabby badgers on steroids. The only articles of clothing the imposter (as far as you cared) wore was a set of black, shiny boots that reflected your scowling eyes, some candy-cane suspenders that just barely circumvented his gut back down to golden buckles on his waist, and what could only be described as some horrendous mixture of shoulder pads and cape, made of fine white fur and red silk.
Oh.
And the mask.
That part was weird. It was green, leather-made. The kind wrestlers down south of the border and Jack Black would wear.
Didn't matter much though.
"Mr. Uno, I presume?"
The Santa Claus' voice had a distinct flair of drama to it, and carried a touch of a Hispanic accent. But more so it sounded like a retired general, finally getting the chance to fight once again.
"Correct."
"I hear you are a strong man, Mr. Uno."
"Correct again."
"I can respect that. But I also hear that you are turning a new page?"
Your fist clenches. Your eggnog boils.
"Come again?"
"Indeed. I hear you're going soft! Becoming a Técnico."
"Well. That won't DO."
Rising up from your chair, you hardly move a muscle. You simply glided into a standing position.
"What's your name?"
"Ha ha! You face the terror of Rudo Claus! Prepare yourself, Mr. Uno, for the fight of your life before Christmas!"
"You don't say?"
You decide that you've had enough of being nice for one day. Instead, you simply stretched your palm out and chose to incinerate him. That ought to earn some naughty points.
Flames sprayed from your palms like a literal fire hose. Rudo Claus, though, moved quickly. Leaping up in the air with more agility than was suggested by his bulging frame, he grinned.
"One Horse Carriage Slayer!" He cried out, suddenly enveloped into a corona of light.
What happened next surprised you. Where once there had been a very buff old man, there was now a sleigh. With his face on it. And with sawblades.
The sleigh then flew at you.
"HOLY MOTHER OF-"
Flinging your arms out at the last minute, you just barely stop the collision as the sleigh crashed into you, catching it by its hull. Crashing past your chair, your feet dug grooves into the wooden floor as you struggled to stop the weight.
"HOW did you turn into a SLEIGH?"
"THE POWER OF MUCHA-MAGIC, MUHAHAHA!"
That wasn't a satisfactory answer, but neither was your grapple. Thinking fast, you vanish into a blast of smoke, letting him crash out through your window, and into your front yard and going onwards to utterly demolish the god-awful toilet paper Christmas tree that had "mysteriously" sprung up on your yard. Reappearing in the remains of your shattered glass window, you looked out over into the snow, trying to find the intruder. As you looked, small flashes of red and distant explosions rocked the sky, as hundreds of other Santa's poured across the night. Unfortunately, the view provided just the right distraction. You heard Rudo Claus before you saw him.
"Boxing Day Bargain Bin Blitz!"
This time, a tidal wave of what looked like Scam Co. products came rushing at you across the snow. Gritting your teeth, you close your eyes. You were getting tired of this phony, and close proximity to the cold was already making you feel frosty. This time, you don't give much indication of an attack- The pile of garbage only had moments to dodge the sudden barrage of fire that zipped from your eyes, scorching the discounted trash with a sudden surge of flame. Tumbling from the pile of actual garbage toys, Rudo Claus sputtered and dusted off the ash.
"Ah! No fair! You didn't even say your attack's name?"
"Didn't NEED to."
"That's evil!"
"Good."
Figuring that his gimmick was probably something based on the fact he kept transforming to attack you, him sitting on the ground was clearly the best time to strike. In a matter of seconds, you've already appeared near him, a burning palm smacking down upon him with incredible force.
Slapping the Santa-like into the ground, you are surprised to see him practically bounce, like a knee drop in a wrestling ring rebounding off the mat, up into the sky. Despite the pain, he takes his opportunity.
"FINE! Don't want to play nice? Well, I can play naughty! Rudolph The Red-Nosed Riot!"
In a flash, the man is gone, and in his place, a very angry looking Reindeer with a missile for his nose. It's charging the moment it comes into view.
"Oh YEAH?"
Standing your ground, rage building. Did this idiot know how long it was going to take to rebuild your living room windows!?! If you have anything to say, you'll make sure he never has the chance to find out. Clenching your fists, the reindeer approaches.
You can feel your blood boiling.
10 meters.
You focus on the anger.
5 meters.
Sweet lordy-loo, you hated this guy. Why?
1 meter.
Because he called you nice? Because he ruined your house?
Now or never.
No. It's because he pretended to be Santa Claus. It was the principle of the thing. So you take all your rage, your anger, your hate. And just let it…
Go.
Rudo never saw it coming. The moment he made an impact, you simply exploded. It's kind of hard to wrestle someone actively on fire, you supposed; it must be nearly impossible to wrestle somebody who was actively exploding.
Knocked back by the shockwave of your sudden outburst of power, he was startled, and you decided to give him the best gift you knew: A knuckle sandwich. In a blast of smoke, you are upon him, landing hits with the force of shooting stars upon his bowl full of jelly.
"I concede! I concede!"
He pleaded, he begged, banging on the concrete as you pummeled him. But you weren't quite done yet. With a great heave and a ho, you grab the wrestler by his feet.
"What… What are you doing!?!
"I'M making a SPECIAL delivery!"
With a massive feat of strength, you begin to swing the fat man around, spinning on your heels as you begin to rapidly accelerate, sparks leaping off your feet and burning the ground around you. Around and around and around you spin, before finally, finally, letting. Him. Go.
He flies far and fast. And with an added bit of English, you rear up another fireball and coast it right on after him.
"Oh. And a MERRY Christmas to you."
With a job well done, you dust your hands and turn around… Just to remember that big hole in your wall
"Great… Maybe Santa can bring me a new wall."
KND REMNANTS
[ ] Sabotage Father
Your Ice Cream Men seem to have launched a sudden and unprecedented rebellion! Out of the blue, one by one they started bad mouthing adults, pulling pranks on your employees, and refusing to eat their vegetables! It's like they've suddenly become convinced that they're a bunch of snot nosed kids. You're not sure what prompted this bad behavior but the glazed look in their eyes surely has something to do with it. The only clue you could discover was a funny looking snake in the bushes near their parlor.
["Train Ice Cream Men" action locked behind Occult "Un-Hypnotise Ice Cream Men" action. Until this action is taken, KND Splinter Cell martial rolls against you gain +5 due to the Ice Cream Men actively helping them.]
- Location
- Chile
Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
That's one Santa felled by our hands! And without much actual prep either, just good old supernatural power!
Also, man. What a pain the KND are.
Also, man. What a pain the KND are.
- Location
- the Netherworld Dood
well it's nice to see others having issues with the Santa swarm. we got off kinda lightly with Mucha lucha santa
though I will admit I'm suprised Black hat didn't get the focus of a lot of santas.
though I will admit I'm suprised Black hat didn't get the focus of a lot of santas.
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- Location
- California
A snake or a tie?
Also, hey Spinel how ya' doing learning about Space Jesus?
- Location
- the Netherworld Dood
wonder if they have Space hulu
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Well after being abandoned for a few thousand years I guess converting to Space Jesus isn't the worst thing she could do. Hope she's having fun up there. Ooh, maybe we'll meet her!
But anyways, booyah baby! We fucked our Santa up! The only casualties were our windows, again.
So, now that Christmas is out of the way, let's see if we can't show some unruly children some discipline, eh?
Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
Just a reminder before the Kick The KND sentiment gets too far, Martial Action almost certainly has to go to Mowing the Lawn, that DC is still rising and it's getting harder and harder to hit consistently.
MrWealthman
Filthy Capitalist
- Location
- Deep in the piles of cash.
Oh those kids looks like they need some discipline after the last time we whooped them alas the monsters must go first.