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May The Invisible Hand Be With You - (Star Wars CK2-Style Quest)

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I did not particularly like this update, and what vexes me is that I have no idea why? Something about the way it flows maybe? Or, hell, maybe I just wasn't in the right mode to read it, who knows?
 
Wilgar said:
I did not particularly like this update, and what vexes me is that I have no idea why? Something about the way it flows maybe? Or, hell, maybe I just wasn't in the right mode to read it, who knows?
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*shrugs*

Sometimes people just don't like something for whatever reason. It might also be because I haven't actually wrapped things up in one interlude like I usually do. It's definitely different if nothing else.
 
I never said Hrak'vokh was a reliable judge of character.

Though it was more "she didn't use bioweapons on us" than anything ekse.
 
Wilgar said:
I did not particularly like this update, and what vexes me is that I have no idea why? Something about the way it flows maybe? Or, hell, maybe I just wasn't in the right mode to read it, who knows?
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I had the same reaction. I eventually came to the conclusion that it's the actions performed by the characters. They don't feel appropriate to how I think they should act in the situation and it's poking my suspension of disbelief.
 
Dr. Snark said:
As the two of them reached the now landing relief party and seeing various people running to and fro and setting up equipment, they saw Ciaran walk down the ramp of her personal cruiser, looking around with a noticeable sense of unease before her gaze fell on Rii'ke.

"...I didn't know that there would be anyone else here," she said as he and the trooper with him walked over to her. "Are we intruding on a GAR operation, or...?"

"Nothing of the sort, ma'am. We're just here to determine what drove the Separatists to use a bioweapon on this planet in particular," Rii'ke explained, noting that Ciaran seemed visibly uninterested in what he was saying.

"Is that right? Well given what we're doing here odds are the scanners and the like should pick something up sooner or later," she said disinterestedly, not even bothering to pretend to make eye contact with Rii'ke as she looked around the quickly forming base camp.
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Reminder that Ciaran is publicly still a Miraluka who doesn't even have eyes, and thus all this the focus on her looking around and not making eye contact just seems...strange? The focus on what she's looking at and whatnot definitely reads like someone watching a character with normal eyesight, instead of a woman who is kinda but not blind.
 
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I think what bothers me about this is just how nonsensical it all is. The sequence of events doesn't flow logically and the contrivances just keep on piling up. It's like The Force is setting everything up, causing all the problems, and then a little bit later it's also resolving all the problems. Which is almost fitting considering that the connection from Silas' interlude was the Jedi with him was drawn here by The Force.
 
Was it not clear enough that Ciaran's shatterpoint manipulating has been at play here? Because that was a thing that has been at play.

It's the reason Silas and co. showed up right on the nick of time.
 
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Sceptic said:
She was so surprised and confused that she was unsure how to react? That doesn't sound like something that follows from experience with similar looks.
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...Dammit usually I'm better with words.

Anyway I'm realizing I need to edit some things back in to make things flow better. Once I get back to my computer tomorrow I'll get on that.
 
Sceptic said:
She was so surprised and confused that she was unsure how to react? That doesn't sound like something that follows from experience with similar looks.
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Look at the second definition, which will say that it's either North American or US. Here's one from Merriam Webster
2 chiefly US : not bothered, surprised, or impressed by something
  • Employees took to the sidewalks, throwing T-shirts and 20 percent off coupons at the few people who passed by. Still, an H&M spokesman in New York was nonplussed by the lack of fanfare. Opening day varies, he said, from location to location. "It's only one day."
  • —Saint Paul (Minnesota) Pioneer Press
  • For all his daring down the world's steepest hills, Sasaki is remarkably laid back off the slopes and nonplussed by all the sudden interest in him.
  • —The New York Times
NOTE: The use of nonplussed to mean "unimpressed" is an Americanism that has become increasingly common in recent decades and now appears frequently in published writing. It apparently arose from confusion over the meaning of nonplussed in ambiguous contexts, and it continues to be widely regarded as an error.
Dr. Snark said:
Was it not clear enough that Ciaran's shatterpoint manipulating has been at play here? Because that was a thing that has been at play.

It's the reason Silas and co. showed up right on the nick of time.
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If anything it was too clear, because it feels like that for basically everything in this update. Edit: Like I said, it feels like everything that happened came about due to the Force making it happen. Or maybe that it all happened for no discernible reason.
 
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HavocKeeper said:
I had the same reaction. I eventually came to the conclusion that it's the actions performed by the characters. They don't feel appropriate to how I think they should act in the situation and it's poking my suspension of disbelief.
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How so? I can't really improve anything if I don't have anything to go on from a criticism.

chrisleech said:
If anything it was too clear, because it feels like that for basically everything in this update.
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In all sincerity: do you mean everything about it? If it's the first half it should be intentional, if it's the latter then that really should not have happened.
 
Dr. Snark said:
How so? I can't really improve anything if I don't have anything to go on from a criticism.
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Mainly how the two jedi felt absolutely meaningless to be there. Same with Silas, he didn't really add anything either. They were background props. Same with most of the Aliens.

I also feel that the trial by combat thing, while I can see it working, didn't feel like much actually happened. It paints the aliens as being stupid instead of having a sacred trial for the accused to overcome.
 
Dr. Snark said:
How so? I can't really improve anything if I don't have anything to go on from a criticism.



In all sincerity: do you mean everything about it? If it's the first half it should be intentional, if it's the latter then that really should not have happened.
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The first nonsensical thing that happens(even though I only caught it after) was their focus on the (supposedly) blind person's eyes, especially since Miralukas cover up their eyes. Then there was the whole thing with Ciaran getting captured due to Talzin, and I read every scene involving Talzin here with a profound sense of "wut". Then Silas' group shows up, and while I don't have an issue with them showing up due to the previous scene of them being called there through the force, then Silas threatens them from a position of weakness. I had to reread that several times because I couldn't understand how his dialogue fit with the fact that he was captured. The healing setup scene was a bit weird, but it sort of worked, but then Asajj just suddenly shows up, and it's REALLY weird, and apparently the nightsisters were using a voodoo curse on her with a statue, and I'm just really confused. Then the trial by combat comes and the setup is sort of ok, but then she gets into a fistfight when she's a weapon fighter. In these sorts of things it's usually either declared by the tribe in question to the outsider what weapon is the traditional weapon for the rite, or the person who is fighting for their life is given a selection of weapons to choose from. Neither of those happen here. They just step up and Ciaran immediately goes for fisticuffs despite not being a martial artist as she points out. This is unrelated to this specific update but I also kinda feel like I'm getting a bit of a disconnect between how Ciaran is supposed to be super powerful and has an amazing martial score, and her onscreen fights. Then there's the whole thing with the ending where it feels like the only reason you brought in these Jedi and Asajj together was so that they could dramatically question Ciaran about it.
And that's all I've got for the moment. There was probably other stuff, but those were the ones that stood out and I had an issue with and could readily remember for this stream of consciousness rant.
 
gentleman, ladies, now that our dear lady is being told this important info i think it is time to "To Metalorn," the shit out of the jedi temple. If anyone wants to know how to get around the Jedi being there please look on a previous page where i posted my solution to the Force Tear issue


Also once more Ciaran helps/likely later gains the 'a martial species' amazing warrior' to teach her martial shit and learn to wreck all the things
 
Malestrum said:
gentleman, ladies, now that our dear lady is being told this important info i think it is time to "To Metalorn," the shit out of the jedi temple. If anyone wants to know how to get around the Jedi being there please look on a previous page where i posted my solution to the Force Tear issue


Also once more Ciaran helps/likely later gains the 'a martial species' amazing warrior' to teach her martial shit and learn to wreck all the things
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It's a pity we have no reason to Naboo something since we discovered how to Metalorn.
 
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