To be honest was more a personal joke omake then not and your right getting out matched was cheap though intended for it to be the initial trade off to really get the bad llblood brewing in which cas if i rver did continue this it would be time for her to cometwly overwhelm Tyr. Sorry about the grammar and such was getting rather late where I was which is also why this response took so long. I'll fix it up when I get the time, points are my necessary since this is technically just a play off Simon Jester.Vlatava is fine as a location to head to, I just didn't expect it to be the location that would pop up. It makes sense but I wasn't expecting it so seeing it pop up was a nice surprise. We're all good on the canonical front and if anything my comment just meant that even with my massive document on everything in the DCQU (10,000 pages and counting!) and my own observations of player behavior I still couldn't accurately predict the twists and turns of the story you've written. In my mind that's a good thing.
Well then I'm excited. I'll be plumbing the depths of my knowledge on Parisian characters to see if I can guess it going forward.
Yes it is good enough for the 400 exp. I'm a little curious how you made this as it seems that you've cut and transposed lineart from the death of Superman and overlayed it with a copy of the lineart of two lions heads that have been subtly manipulated. It's not a technique I'm familiar with and so I'd like to get some understanding of it.
This is really weird to read for me. From my understanding Lokiquest was inspired by this quest and Semper Ad Meliora. The Grand Tour likewise is inspired by the works of this quest. So seeing them be put together feels really weird. It's a work inspired by a work inspired by my work being combined with another work inspired by my work. It's like the weird as hell grandbaby of this quest and its simultaneously really odd and really humbling to see. It's weird as heck to feel like I'm seeing what are tertiary iterations of inspiration of my own work. Like I've talked a few times about how mind blowing it is for me how successful this quest has gotten and I think this omake kind of brought some of that into the light for me to really see some of the impact I've had.
Now that I've talked a good bit about how this omake made me feel through its very existence I'll get into the omake itself. The basic story is fine although Lorelei being completely outmatched and Mildred getting dropped entirely offscreen feels a little cheap when you aren't familiar with both characters so it feels a bit one sided (I'm not sure who Tyr Kent is supposed to be but considering that I do know the Lorelei and Mildred have taken on some nasty characters the sheer helplessness feels a little weird here with no context to explain why they are so hopelessly outmatched). My other problem with the story is that Lorelei in general feels a little off to me in terms of characterization. Little things like how Lorelei swears, the near complete dismissal of Mildred once she gets dropped and the fact that she declares herself a member of Circe's household (which she is not and makes her appear subordinate to someone which I doubt she would ever willingly do) make her characterization come off as incorrect. Simon might be better then me at pointing out what does and doesn't work but it definitely feels like Lorelei is mischaracterized here (at least to me). However these issues are not enough to prevent me from awarding you 400 exp for a non-canon omake (it is close enough for that). Instead it is two other issues that prevent me from doing so.
My biggest issue though is the constant spelling errors and weird turns of phrase that made it far more difficult to read then it should have been.
dumb founded should be dumbfounded
None the less should be nonetheless
fairly certain this should be "certainly being backed into a corner" or "certainly backed against the wall"
This is all weirdly phrased and harder to parse then it needs to be. It can easily be simplified to "the only respite was that her adversary had once more stopped using the gun in his hand"
This just came off as an odd line. Lorelei is American and British arms at the time were certainly not anything particularly unique to warrant a comparison to a magic gun. The most famous guns of the era ended up being German, American or Russian so this line is just really bizarre. Why British guns?
There lied means that in that place somthing was a falsehood. It should be lay instead. Then should be than. They're (they are) should be their.
peaked should be peeked
The Holy Grail should wither have both words capitalized or none and it should be an item rather than a item (use an if the word after begins in a vowel). Also sidenote the Holy Grail is a weird item for Circe to go after but whatever
awkward phrasing, probably should be "if she had" instead
This bit is kind of unintelligible as it says that both the foe took out Mildred and that an assitant to Lorelei's foe took out Mildred. The repetition of the word foe should probably be cut down so that the odd ambiguity is removed. Secondly "to her foe" should be "of her foe" due to perspective and switching between active and passive states. You can be the assistant to someone (focused inwards and is active) while your friend is the assistant of someone (focused outwards and is a passive state of existence). Lastly "out do" should be "outdo".
Should be attempts at
filled
should be on that pedestal if the Holy Grail is not literally inside the pedestal
Nothing wrong with the line besides how incredibly modern it is to be coming out of a character who was born before the second World War. You could just simplify it to daily and it would work out better.
Something's wrong with the pronouns here. The simplest solution would be to change it to "before he lowered his gun"
Odd phrasing although I don't think that there is technically anything wrong with it but you might want to revise it a bit
shouldn't be capitalized and should be spelled buffoon.
Deep sated is unintelligible I think you mean deep seated
This is weird because you shift how Lorelei refers to herself within the same sentence making it seem as though they are different things (the way this is written "the Luthor" comes off as being independent of "her" which is not correct).
The apprentice's gender (who was previously referred to as an assistant which made it confusing to know if they were the same character) seems to switch gender as previously they are referred to as a young girl and here it is stated that the apprentice got up from his sitting position. I'm fairly sure this is an error although I don't know the character so the gender switching might be a thing you did intentionally.
May should be might
Need a comma between blood and bones
The shifts from a third person to a third person perspective mid-paragraph without any transition felt stilted and awkward and only added to the difficulty in parsing what was going on. I think you ought to try and reformat it a little to make it more distinct when the omake switches from a third to first person perspective and back again so rapidly.
As such due to these two issues primarily the many odd spelling errors and word choice (along side some odd internal inconsistency) I cannot award exp for this omake. However if you clean it up a bit I'll happily give it another pass and rereview it.
Honestly this was more just a joke omake then intended to be taken seriously an d it's cause the elements from your Lorelei had found on really lined up with Lokiquest and some things going on behind the scenes. behind the scenes. Also it seems I misjudged the time period an d other factors so I'll spruce or up later.If this is meant to be 'my' Lorelei Luthor, the one from The Grand Tour... Uh, you do realize that Lorelei Luthor lived during World War Two, right? She was born in the early 1910s and died, uh... that should actually be up to @King crimson but she's dead as of game start in the '90s. I imagine her dying some time around Lex's tenth birthday.
I can't comment as to whether she ever learned any magic (if so, it was after 1938). She is quite familiar with repeating firearms. Millie carries several.
Also, they're/their.
...I would be very surprised if Circe would try to induce Lorelei to go looking for the Holy Grail and she would be an absolutely terrible choice to send searching for it if you knew anything about the Grail lore.
With that said, getting into spear range of Mildred is probably a good idea. She was a competent pistolera, a good martial artist, and one of the deadliest sharpshooters of the WWII era... but armed combat with large hand to hand weapons was not her strong suit and would probably be the easiest way to defeat her if you could get into range before she blows a few new orifices through you.
She would also have tactfully broken off any association with Circe before reaching a point where she would identify herself that way. One of the defining traits of Lorelei Luthor's personality is that she is very much a free spirit- she's not going to subordinate herself to a hierarchy and she doesn't really even want to operate within one, which is why she took the time and effort to reduce the otherwise fairly competent Leonidas Luthor (her brother) to enough of a puppet that she could control the resources of Luthor Industries when she felt the need, without getting bogged down running the thing.
Which is, in turn, why she's free to spend a year or two wandering Europe on the eve of World War Two.
Having not read Loki Quest, I just found the whole thing... odd.
The personality differences between Lorelei and Loki make it shaky; I haven't had time to flesh out Lorelei as a character as fully as Leland, so it may have seemed natural to you to just arbitrarily grab her and slot her in in the place of a different character who does things for very different reasons.
Again, be realistic; Mari's powers can only accomplish so much. If she's already at Martial 36 then further upgrades to her powers are likely to achieve minimal results. Alternatively, and this seems rather likely, the powers of metahumans at Superman's tier come in large part from traits.
For me, it's frustrating to imagine characters getting stats that are ramped up beyond the limits of their character archetype without any corresponding evolution. A big part of the reason I've spent my big piles of XP on omakes and Lex's noncombat stats was precisely to avoid that.
In a situation where we need some metahumans to fight, having Mari be strong would actually make sense and be nice. I'd just stop investing at like Martial 30 or something, because realistically when she's fighting, she's not going to be fighting alone without supports and 30 is pretty strong.
I may want to consult with you a bit about late 1930s Vlatava to see if there's anything I should know; that can wait.
Well, I'd actually be using two sets of characters- one set from real life on the social side, and at least one character who's quite free to travel.
[hugs]
Mildred in her prime is on the same general tier of Martial/Intrigue as her great-niece Mercy fifty years later. Mildred has a trait associated with rifle markswomanship and is very good in that specific field; as I alluded to earlier, if she were in the Red Army as a sniper she'd have been a serious contender for one of the deadliest snipers of the war. However, by sheer coincidence the author who decided to knock her out of the action almost immediately off-screen DID pick probably the best possible way to do so- somehow ambush her at very close range and start smacking her around with a large melee weapon.
She's good enough at judo and savate that she'd probably be able to handle herself in an unarmed close-range fight or against an ordinary attacker with a knife, but someone who uses a spear very effectively would be tough for her and she might plausibly be wounded and put out of action.
The part that's most out of character here is that Lorelei is kind of... a bit panicked and seeming to grasp at straws in a way that I don't think she would, even staring down a gun barrel. Aand that she seems to kind of think of herself in a subordinate role to Circe, which isn't really... her. I could imagine it if Circe had managed to put a spell on her, but, well. She's got enough willpower (differently specced than Lex but approaching Game Start Lex in terms of talent) that she'd be very difficult to ensorcel, especially on long detached missions. Fairly likely to break out from under mind control.
I think it's because Lorelei is just being straight-up plugged into place as a replacement for another character from a completely different scene and setting. It's as if we had Mercy and Rose going to retrieve an item from some random thieves who'd stolen it from us and they abruptly started quoting the dialogue from the famous scene in Pulp Fiction where Jules and Vincent go retrieve the briefcase.
It'd be kind of hilarious to have Mercy and Rose talking shit like that, but quite out of character. And in my case I haven't read the original source material from the Loki Quest. So it's just confusing, as if I hadn't seen Pulp Fiction and were thinking "yes, I can imagine Mercy and Rose going in like badass hitwomen and doing those things, but why are they behaving the way they do while doing it?"
[I once got good mileage repurposing that Pulp Fiction scene as a space battle of all things; long story.]
Not gonna lie, that was... an issue for me.
I think @DreamCWeaver somehow got the idea that Lorelei is unfamiliar with multiple-shot firearms or something? Not sure.
[Also, oddly, Mildred's main personal defense weapon for situations where combat is reasonably likely but specialized weapons aren't likely to be needed IS a British gun. Specifically, a British Lee-Enfield bolt-action rifle, such as was used by the British Army during both World Wars. It's very well suited for making fast, precise shots. She also typically carries a Colt .45 automatic handgun, and occasionally something fancy depending on the situation.]
I'll try to get the part played closer next time [if there is a next time] . Hopefully when it's not 2am for me.
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