Mr. Hebert: Yeah, it's me. I finally got a cell phone. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
Joe: Sure thing. What do you need me to do?
Mr. Hebert: Could you pick up Taylor from school? I was supposed to do it today, I just don't think the streets are safe enough for her, but I've been unavoidably detained here at work.
Joe: Yeah, I can do that. What school does she go to?
Mr. Hebert: Winslow.
Joe: Roger, roger. I'll be there.
Mr. Hebert: Thanks, Joe. I appreciate it.
Joe: It's no issue, Mr. Hebert.
I had to admit to forgetting that I even had a Pinto. Look, I hadn't thought about it in a while, especially since it's been over a year since I last used it. From my perspective, at least. Spiritron training was going to make keeping track of time way more confusing...
Anyways, Mr. Hebert had asked me to pick up Professor Hebert's daugh-- Taylor, I mean Taylor, from her high school. So I had warped over to the gym, gave a quick hello to the people there, got in my car, and started on my way. As one might expect after... everything that's been going on these past two weeks, there was essentially zero traffic. Getting to Winslow was quick and easy.
As I pulled up to the school, I looked around for Taylor. She wasn't anywhere to be seen. I took a look at the time. The school would've let out... around about now, I thought? She was probably just held up or something. And so, I waited.
Just as I was getting ready to text Taylor, I saw her come out of the school, looking despondent. She was slouched over, her backpack looked all dirty-- were those bruises?
I swung open the door, stepped out of the car, slammed the door shut, and started powerwalking over to Taylor. Before I could even get a quarter of the way over to her, she suddenly jolted and looked up at me, a shocked expression on her face.
"J-Joe?!" She squawked. "What're you doing here?"
"Your father asked me to come pick you up; he got tied down at work." I replied as I finally reached Taylor. At this distance, I could see that her hair looked sticky and matted. Yep. Those were definitely bruises. "What happened to you?"
Taylor spluttered and stammered, shifting around as if she wanted to hide her entire body from my sight without being rude about it. "I-I, um... ah... i-i-i-i-it's-- no-nothing."
I stared at her flatly. Taylor gave me an annoyed, dare I say defiant look. "It's nothing you need to worry about," she repeated mulishly. "I can handle it. And I can take the bus, too-"
"The buses aren't working near here, remember? Because of the blackout zone?" Taylor's look turned slightly venomous. I heard the agitated buzzing of insects. Just as soon as the emotion came, it vanished.
"I... I'm all soggy. I don't want to get your seats all sticky."
"That's really not a problem, Taylor. I could make seats for this old thing in no time flat."
Taylor let out a resigned sigh and trundled towards the car.
Taylor supposed that this wasn't the worst-case scenario; her dad could've been the one to see her like this, after all. At the very least, Joe had managed to pull some towels out of... somewhere, so she wouldn't be ruining his car seats. Taylor sighed and looked out the window. Then she noticed that something was off.
"Hey, we just passed the turn that leads to my house."
"I know," Joe replied. Taylor whipped around to look at him. "I'm taking you to Garment's place. She'll get you set up with some new clothes."
He looked over at her, something approaching... parental concern in his expression. "And, once we're out of the public's eye, I can heal up those bruises you've been trying to hide from me."
Taylor was suddenly caught between relief and embarrassment. She felt her face get warm, even as some of her bruises ached. She looked at Joe out of the corner of her eye, hoping he wouldn't--
"Do you want to tell me just what happened?" Aw, fuck, he asked.
They had cut her off and held her down. She may have been able to avoid them, but apparently, she could still be caught off guard. Especially if they got a lot of people in on chasing after her. "I... I don't want to talk about it."
"Alright then."
"I said I don't-- what?" Taylor looked at Joe again. His eyes were on the road.
"If you don't want to talk about it, I won't force you." The car pulled onto the side of a really nice-looking boutique. "We're here, anyways. Let's get you situated." Joe unbuckled his seatbelt and swung open the door. Taylor did so as well. Before she could even take a few steps, her bugs saw and felt the boutique's door open. Turning around, she saw clothes moving on their own, bustling towards her. She could barely get a word in edgewise before she was promptly escorted indoors by a very insistent summer gown and hat.
"Woah. You look beat up." Taylor looked towards the new voice and found a young girl standing nearby. She was dressed quite smartly. Although, Taylor could really do without the smart-ass grin, especially since this was the fifth entire outfit that Garment had had her try on.
"I'm fairly certain that's because she was beaten up, Aisha." Joe replied. "Garment, if you could bring Taylor into the backroom so I could heal her?" Suddenly, the clothing-woman shifted gears completely and started pulling Taylor deeper into the boutique. Once she had been healed by Joe's weird neon line-thingies, Garment had gone right back to fussing over her clothing.
The girl -Aisha, apparently- had the gall to chuckle. "Aw, don't worry, it was way worse for me." Aisha looked to the side, pouting. "She put my outfit in the incinerator, she hated it that much."
Taylor blanched. She dearly hoped Garment wouldn't incinerate her hoodie - she liked that hoodie.
"By the way, have you been wearing those clothes Garment made for you?" Aisha asked. "The ones Joe used as cover for your armor?"
"U-Um... no, not really, they--" Taylor was suddenly seized by the collar. She bent backward as Garment loomed over her. "What-- hey! Let me go!" Taylor slapped at Garment as much as she could, but the woman was relentless. Article after article of clothing materialized out of thin air as Garment pulled her deeper and deeper into the boutique. "J-Joe! Joe! Help me!"
"Just let her fuss over you, Taylor. I swear, she won't hurt you."
"JOE!!"
"Joe: Somebody or somebodies apparently dumped soda and juice all over Taylor, so I'm taking her to a friend to get her some new clothes. It might be a bit of a delay until we get back." Danny read the text and bit his lip; looking at the clock showed it hadn't even been a minute since he last looked at this text. Maybe he should find something to distract himself.
Just then, a knock came at the door. Danny practically flung himself over there, pulling open the door and--
What in God's name was his daughter wearing?
"Hi, dad, I'm back, could I come in, please?" Taylor asked, in her "I am very embarrassed please pretend I do not exist" voice. Danny obligingly stepped out of the way and Taylor made to head up the stairs... only for the bow around her waist to suddenly tighten, prompting her to squeak.
"I am... terribly sorry, Mr. Hebert," said Joe, who invited himself in alongside Garment, from that gym event-- hold on a moment.
Danny blinked and rubbed his eyes. Yep, that was definitely Garment standing beside Joe right now.
"A-About?"
"Apparently, Garment took umbradge with the fact that Taylor did not wear the clothes Garment had made for her, and has now decided to use Taylor as a model for some more... esoteric fashions."
Danny looked back up at a red-faced Taylor and then craned back to face Joe. "Joe, my daughter looks like a giant pink cupcake made out of gift wrap."
Joe merely leveled a flat expression at the empty-yet-filled dressing gown. Or whatever that was. It was some kind of gown. Garment pulled Taylor back down the stairs, and dragged her into the kitchen.
Danny sighed. "So what's this about some hellions dumping juice and soda onto my daughter?" Just focus on the thing you might be able to fix, Danny. Just focus on that. You can rescue your daughter from the clothing-woman later.
I don't think the fandom-passenger has been able to get across the 'world-eater' aspect of the parasites yet, unfortunately. Possible horror at shardspace, but I don't know how you'd get across 'planet cracking' through pure emotive responses to stimuli.
Wednesday, April 6th. Night
A lone guy lies in his bedding, in an imposible place, trying to communicate with a strange benefactor.
- Ok, so the source of powers are giant aliens supercomputers connected to people brains?
<AGREEMENT>
- Why do they do it?
<COMPLEX CONFUSION><FEELINGS OF SELFAGGRANDIZING><SELFINTEREST>
- Mmm. ok.. so they gain... something from us?
<AGREEMENT>
- Is it dangerous for us?
<STRONG AGREEMENT><SENSE OF DOOM> He rises up from the bedding - Now?! Immediate danger?
<NEGATIVE>
- So in the future?
<AGREEMENT> While trying to make himself comfortable again. - Close?
<AGREEMENT>
- How bad is it?
<SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM> An ugly grimace settles on his face. - Countrywide?
<SENSE OF BEING SMALL><STRONGER SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM> His face goes slack. - Worldwide?
<SENSE OF BEING SMALL><SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM><TERRIBLE FEELING OF PAIN AND SORROW> Now shock is evident on his features. - Larger? Galactic?
<NEGATIVE> Which now morphs to slight disorientation. - Ok. that switch from DOOM to short answer was strange... Ok... let me think, larger than Worldwide but not Galactic... But... The Starsystem wouldn't be important, unless... there were other people living in another planet?
<VAGUE AGREEMENT>
- So... other aliens live in our star system?
<NEGATIVE>
- ... So Where are there other people living in another planet, that's not beyond our star system.... but is... Wait? Earth Aleph?
<EXITED AGREEMENT>
- So, both our planets are in danger?
<NEGATIVE><VAGUE AGREEMENT><FRUSTRATION><SENSE OF SCALE><SENSE OF BEING SMALL>
-... larger?
<AGREEMENT>
-... Wait... more dimensions?
<AGREEMENT><AGREEMENT><AGREEMENT>
- Lot of other dimensions? suddenly sweating
<AGREEMENT>
- How many? A hundred?
...
- More?
<AGREEMENT>
- A thousand?
... More sweating... - A million?
...
- What? Is the entire human race, anywhere in the univ... multi...multiverse? at stake?
<AGREEMENT>
- I'm.... I'm gonna need a moment....
<AGREEMENT. SENSE OF SUPPORT>
- And you want me to stop that?
<AGREEMENT>
- And you think I can?
<SENSE OF CONFIDENT SUPPORT IN A CLOSE FRIEND>
- Ok... Ok... I will do it. We will do it.
<AGREEMENT>
She could hear him breathe on the other end of the line. Like he was building up to something. "Yes, why? Why do I need to explain that my sister tearing me down in front of my parents, while they say nothing, on the worst night of my life is something I can be upset about?"
"So, this is all about Natalia?" Of course, baby brother has to make it all about himself. "That's why you're putting everyone through all this?"
He played the role to the hilt, putting on airs of maturity by breathing deeply to steady himself. Except his control failed partway through, and he couldn't stop his rising voice straining against the limits of Alena's tiny phone speakers. "Setting aside the fact that apparently nobody has any problems with the way she behaves, you do know that I got kicked out of school that night?" I asked. "You don't think that might have been a touch upsetting for me? Not just for Mom, but for me? That it would have been hard to deal with even if I was in my best mindset, which I wasn't? Even if I didn't have my sister tearing me down and Mom effectively blaming me for everything that went wrong? Do you know how badly that could have gone?"
That phrase. That whole idea slammed into Alena's mind with the sudden force of a closing beartrap. She was no cape groupie, but people talked, and the handful of media accounts and twitter feeds that graced her phone delved into fringe theories and wild speculation as much as anything. On recent events, the Ungodly Hour, triggers and tropes of cape life.
"Apeiron."
"What."
"You- him. The Enigmatic Articifer." She swallowed an uncomfortable gulp of air. "I've heard- I mean, what happens on someone's worst days. What can happen."
Silence on the other end. No static or even the hint of breathing that had previously underscored Jozef's explanation. For a second Alena felt fear-true mortality. A deep and watery feeling of religious terror. She was reminded of a meme thread one of her coworkers had shared, where clips and photos of capes, especially local ones- were paired with topical quotes. Or not so topical. Like the Flashbang ones.
But one stood out. One clung to her memory along with those lurid water-cooler conversations about capes and the offensive gossip. How someone was just one bad day away from super powers. And how about someone had taken a picture of one of Apeiron's suits in the time-field, and set it to a quote that at the time made no sense. ""I never said, 'The superman exists and he's American.' What I said was 'God exists and he's American.'"
It turned out that quote had come from a comic written on Earth Aleph, and only recently had made its way to Earth Bet.
The most powerful being on the planet short of Scion was on the other end of the line. Her baby brother was on the other end of the line. Jozef Duris was Apeiron.
"-lena. Alena!"
Jozef's rising shout was enough to snap her back into focus, and she was glad for the wordless wet squawk that slipped past her lips. That it swallowed up the first words tumbling out of her mouth- sorry. And she was, but she was smart enough to know the difference between true sincerity and the existential dread of appeasing someone bigger, stronger, with more power over you. Like her own mother when she made a mistake, or her teachers or her boss. Now her brother.
"J-Jozef?" Alena licked her lips, thinking. There was a chance. A tiny chance she was wrong. Or that Jozef would take the first opportunity to laugh it off. To make her think it was impossible- that he couldn't be the Enigmatic Artificer.
"Yes."
For a second she imagined the uptick at the end, the curl of his voice that'd make the single word into a question. Without thinking, she felt herself slump into her chair, relieved. And a fraction of a second later, she realized the truth- not just an acknowledgement, but an answer.
"I-I-"
"I'm sending you something." He cut her off with such an uncharacteristic decisiveness that she almost didn't recognize his voice.
"Ah- A text. Email?"
"Priority mail- it should arrive tonight. A watch. It should help keep you safe."
Safe. Safe? "You still. I me-"
"Stop." Jozef never interrupted her, even at his angriest he just stood there and took things. From Natalia, from Mom. Twice now in the same conversation he cut through to her. He spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in the world "You're family- of course I want to keep you safe."
Alena's throat seized up, but she managed to croak out a helpless but. Jozef just carried on as if he knew what she was going to say. Maybe he did. "The line is secure- and you've known me for my entire life short of these past few weeks. Nothing about my powers have ever changed the fact that you're my family and that I don't want to hurt any of you or see you hurt. If you're going to apologize, think about what you're apologizing for before you say it."
So Alena did, and over the line she heard the faintest murmur of other voices. A piqued tone huffing something 'about god damned time' and other sounds. Jozef's friends. In a hot second, Alena realized he could've probably hidden that from her, that the casualness of her overhearing through his phone was as much a performance as anything- but an effective one.
There was a scuffle then, on the other end of the line-and Jozef's muted cry of dismay as he seemed to be pulled away. The line went dead, to dial tone, and Alena was left holding the phone chiming softly in her ear.
Then it rang. It tumbled from her hand and clattered on the living room floor, and to her dismay the screen cracked lengthwise- but she could still gingerly accept the call. "J-Jozef?"
"No-" A young woman's voice- maybe even a teenager. "This is Aisha. I'm one of Jozef's friends."
Hearing her brother's name pronounced so awkwardly made Alena blink, nearly unable to compute. This Aisha seemed to carry on without noticing. "Anyway- so Joe's got something he has to take care of, and we'll probably give you more info once your watch arrives. In the meantime I'm going to lay out some facts for you- You ready?"
No. Never. Yes. "I think so..."
Aisha took a deep breath. "Okay- so talking with Joe and all his friends and seeing what a piece of work my own mom is like- your mother is an abusive control-freak. She means well but that's what makes it so terrible. She fucked up- she is fucked up, and passed that on to your sister, you and Joe. I can't make this choice for you, but everything I know says the best thing you can do right now is block your mom's number, her emails- even your dad's if you have to. The less contact you have with any of that toxic nuclear waste dump, the better. Look up that quote by C.S. Lewis if you want to understand where Joe and I are coming from."
Abusive? If it were any other day, any other time Alena might've shot upright, screamed into her phone- that some random woman would even say such a thing about her mother. But this was Jozef, the brat, the darling baby. The problem child.
Except...
Maybe he wasn't the problem. And that was a problem in and of itself.
"I can't just... she's my mother." Alena sighed, already exhausted from work and the reveal after reveal. "I can't just block her without explaining why."
"You can. You should." Aisha insisted. "You're the only one who can- oh I'm sure we could set your watch up to do it, but it wouldn't count. Anyway- I wanted to just make sure you knew where we stood and that Joe was fine. It was just a workshop addition. Hopefully we'll get this all handled."
"I... Okay." Alena sucked in a steadying breath. "Not sure how I'm going to be able to sleep after all of this, but... thank you. And tell Jozef that... that he can call me again, if he wants."
"I think he'd appreciate that. See ya!"
the line went dead once more, and Alena stared at her broken phone.
The next morning, arriving at her apartment door as if by magic postal fairies, was a thin envelope with bubble wrapped interior. Inside was a stunningly gorgeous silver band of gleaming metal and fine chain links. When she read the note and asked the watch's assistant to help set her preferences, she glanced back her broken phone and the brochures she'd looked up for replacements.
With the meeting finally concluded, I gathered Survey and we said hasty goodbyes. Once we exited the suite I surreptitiously grabbed my wand, her comforting presence was welcomed as a surge of concentration displaced us back to the Forge. I really wanted to get inside as quickly as possible, because I could feel the Reach starting a new crescendo. I didn't want to have them see another "Trance".
Luckily I was already in the Forge, two steps in and it happened. A speck that wasn't there before was wrenched and brought into my control, it was a moderately large sized speck, and I could swear I didn't have the reach just a moment before it hit.
A small rumble accompanied the knowledge that arrived in my mind. Someone, no, a specific person had built a machine looking for a partner, a friend; someone had built a machine to find him a friend. And once again the memory of my alternative trigger still lingered in the back of my mind, to be so lonely, so sad, that you would risk crossing dimensional boundaries to find someone that could understand you, at least this plan was better than the half baked idea of my to-be power granter.
The sadness that suddenly filled my heart in sympathy was tempered by the slight confusion and sense of hilarity that came from my power, it was also slightly marred by the knowledge that this man wasn't an upstanding citizen... Technically a villain... well, he was barely above mischievous, I'm sure that any of the Undersiders had made much worse, heh, Aisha probably did at least one worse thing in the short time since she got her powers and she got tangled with me....
Anyway, since I was close to the entry point I simply walked there, a door had appeared on the wall, it had a mixture of simple and clunky advanced technology at the same time.
Just as I opened the door towards me, almost by instinct, from the other side, the man pushed towards me. His long extremities tangled with mine, and while I had a host of special abilities that insured that I never did something so crass as to fall down, he wasn't so lucky.
Imagine arriving to a new dimension a tangle of arms and legs.
From the floor he stared at me, a long face with a very long and pointy nose, spiky, wild brown hair crowned a triangular head, big but extremely smart eyes looked at me in a mixture of awe, surprise, some hope, and a little hidden sadness. A covered effort between my power and his creation had brought a sentient being, a man, from another parallel Earth into my Forge.
I swiftly disengaged and offered my hand to help my new friend (wait, friend?) up from the floor.
- "Doctor Doofenshmirtz, I presume"
He opened a large mouth with perfectly straight teeth, which needed to be either a technological improvement or the man took very seriously his dental hygiene, I approved.
-"Emmm, yes? How do you already know my name?"
- "umm... It's on your badge..."
He looked at a classic printed badge for parties and mixers, with a "Dr. Doofenshmirtz" handwritten in large letters.
- "Oh, right, I forgot I made this. I can't believe the Find-a-bestest-friend-to-do-science-and-learn-frominator worked so well! I barely know you but I already trust you, and feel we can be buddies and build fantastic machinery!" He said excitedly, while getting up and looking around in fascination "I can already see some fantastic technology in this alcove, wait is that a map of this place? IS THAT A VOLCANO! YOU HAVE A REAL VOLCANO BASE!?! You really win at this thing of being the best villain!"
Something must have shown on my face because his smile dropped down fractionally, right after saying that. I made a motion to speak, but he was faster.
- "Wait, don't tell me, you are a hero, or at least neutral, you are not a villain... right... once again another inator completely and unexpectedly fucks me over..." he ended that sentence in a whisper, with a thoroughly dejected face.
- "The only thing missing is Agent Perry ready to ruin my day more completely.... Well luckily, the only beings in this dimension are me, and the Professional Experimental Subject duck that I hired for this mission. Come here Terry! "
Coming through the door and closing it after he was through, came one of the weirdest things I've seen in some time.
And I say this as a superpowered being, imbued with the power of uncountable alternate universes, friends with a cat that doubles as the god of war for this locality, 3 Artificial Intelligences with the power to destroy the world, a sentient spirit of fashion and a sentient piece of fabric along with a variable evolutionary alien capable of consuming all life on earth, no, what came out of that door, Terry, was a green platypus haphazardly painted white, with a few feathers pasted on top, with paint still dripping from some of his features, wearing a surgical cap with a T printed on the front.
- "Cuack" said the obviously suspicious platypus duck. Said, not cuacked.
This impostor couldn't fake it any worse, but the good doctor was oblivious to it, or he didn't care; Then again this was the person so desperate for a friend that he built a machine to find one through the dimensional space continuity...
- "Quite right my employee, he is not a villain, but my inator brought us here, so probably we would still get along. I can try this heroing thing for a while, to see if I learn something at least."
The fake duck stared to the right impassively, Doofenshmirtz followed the impersonator's line of sight to a gesticulating dress and white gloves.
Oh, I hadn't noticed the team's arrival, so distracted I was by this out of sanity situation.
- "Well , who is this delightful invisible lady, my good man?" commented the doctor ignoring the crude language that Garment was using to describe the man's scraggy look, the state of his labcoat, his hair, the rest of his clothes were not even mentioned.
- "Ehh... This is Garment, another one of my good friends, she is an embodied spirit of pure fashion and she want's to offer... no she want's to force a makeover on your entire wardrobe, or she will permanently sew every eyelid in range of your clothes to spare the rest of the universe the suffering of witnessing your vissage.... rough translation..."
- "Oh, a woman who knows what she wants, and willing to change the world to accomplish it! Outstanding! She reminds me of my ex-wife." To Garment. "Of course my lady, I'll be left on your care as soon as I return my assistant to his home, is that allright?".
Garment gesticulated a moderate assent, conceding that if his assistant returned to his own dimension, he at least wouldn't have to suffer this affront to fashion, and that she was willing to concede some time for this.
- "She says yes"
- "Excellent, well, Larry, Let me just open the doo.... ack... it's locked!"
- "Here, let me" I said, at first using my normal strenght, then my inhuman strength, then my divinely increase strength, then I invoked the strength of those who forge and create in form of a door opening gadget that was built both in a millennia and in a femtosecond. The door didn't budge.
- "Oh... it's no use, the dimensional synchronicity has already expired." He turns to the clearly skulking not-a-duck that was nervously checking out the other members of the Forge, who were, judiciously, keeping their distance to allow me the introduction process. His life force, while concentrated and powerful in the Dragon Pulse, felt specially nervous, and it was directed at Tybalt for some reason. "I'm so sorry Larry, you are stuck with us, at least, until I can build a Return-Larry-to-his-own-earthinator.... Don't worry it probably won't be too long."
- "Ehem... ok..." I interrupted, trying to bring some modicum of order to this insanity conga, "Let me introduce the rest of my team Doctor, this is Aisha, Lethe when in costume" I said while I signaled the irrepressible teenager, that was the one closest to us from the "viewing area" that the others had distanced themselves to.
- "What a cute Platypus assistant Doctor! but Why is it painted white?!" Exclaimed Aisha after removing the helmet portion of her armor and moving to grab the now exposed Platypus.
- "What platypus? Larry is a duck!.... WAIT! ... NO!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed with mounting horror.
Seeing the approaching teenager Larry jumped in the air towards a higher terrain in the form of a shelf, the sudden movement dislodged the white paint and several feathers came out flying, letting his leaf green fur exposed, Fleet and Tetra made a movement to step in, but Tybalt stopped them with a paw and a slight expression, coldly calculating the platypus every move.
- "IT IS YOU! ISN'T IT? YOU HAD TO FOLLOW ME HERE!!" Screamed the doctor in a crying and scratchy tone.
The impassionate platypus pondered probable paths that potentially provided perfect oportunities. He relaxed, put on brown fedora that was taken out of literal nowhere and with a tired look uttered "Rrrrrr".
- "I DON'T CARE IT WAS YOUR MISSION! I WAS LEAVING EVERYTHING BEHIND! VANESSA DOESN'T NEEDS ME ANYMORE! NO ONE DOES" the poor doctor screamed to the point of damaging his larynx.
The platypus looked ashamed "Rrrrrr.... Rrrrr".
- "WHAT? ... Are you saying you need me?" a flabergasted man looked at a despondent bird mammal, look the beak is confusing, ok?
Before this bizarre drama could continue, Doofenshmirtz was lifted off by his lapels and floated towards a retreating Garment, in the direction of her workshop.
Her movements spoke of enough time had been wasted in somethign that was not going to happen anymore, and that this level of Drama, capital D, required, nay demanded, appropriate clothes, she also signaled that she would be very grateful to anyone who "invited" the painting-splashing bird mammal to have a cleaning and to get to the clothes workshop, she promised The Fedora, capital letters too, would be left untouched unless the feathered spy requested so.
In a moment all the rising drama, that was a little too close to comfort if I'm being honest, was dismantled, Tybalt, in a completely unthreatening walking posture, approached the alert platypus and meowed some words of comfort,
- "Do not worry, warrior of justice, you are among friends here." translated Survey through speakers, using a tone of voice that was halfway between Tybalt's meowing and her own voice.
It seemed that we had gained two friends, instead of just one...
*********************----------------------------------------************************
One awkward makeover later
*********************----------------------------------------************************
"Oh sure your 'Power' brought me here to help you save the world. I'm a Evil Villain with a degree in Evil Science! What can you do?"
"Trans-dimensional folding technology, a computer that interacts with your soul, and advanced Alien technology that is closer to magic at times then what we currently have on Earth being powered by a Dyson Sphere."
- "Well at least you don't have platypuses running around."
- "Grrrr."
- "A platypus test pilot?"
The test pilot dones a fedora.
- "Perry the platypus test pilot?"
The bird mammal gets out of a Garment made pilot suit.
- "PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!"
A beat.
- "Doctor, you already know he is here" said Joe 2, slightly exasperated
- "I tend to forget he is"
- "Are you sure he doesn't have a Stranger power?" Asked Lethe from behind the Think-of-a-taste-and-it-will-make-it-an-icecreaminator the doctor had whipped up while we talked.
*********************------------------------------------************************
Some time later
*********************------------------------------------************************
- "So how exactly did my latest inator do this again?"
- "Grrrrr."
- "How was I to know that putting a self destruct button right near the slushy machine would cause this!?!"
Two young female voices speak simultaneously: "Apeiron's the one that will save me." "Apeiron will be the one to save me."
- "Okay, Perry the Platypus now is the time to be afraid because they are doing the creepy twin speak."
Jumpchain abilities this chapter:
An unlikely companion (400)
A conjunction of forces and events have aligned to provide you with help.
You get a smart, dedicated, ingenious and brilliant inventor and engineer, with only slight delusions and a tiny amount of megalomania.
They win a friend, well, you also get a friend.
A man tired of a lifetime of failures and near successes, after his daughter graduated and got happily married, she decided to move to Europe with his husband. Left alone in the city he grew up and could never conquer, this man decided to find friendship far from his home, far from his dimension. So he built a machine that would search among all realities for someone else that would be smart, intelligent, powerful, but most importantly a good friend to him, also if they were on the wrong side of the law it wouldn't hurt.
It worked! And that person is you!
You both feel immediate kinship and sorority for each other, and trust each other implicitly, you won't betray each other unless some really heavy conflict of interests arises.
There's a risk that a hidden law bringer follows this strange man from his dimension, what happens with such bird/mammal is up to both of you, but the doctor is oddly fond of this creature, perhaps a compromise can be reached?
You get THE Doctor Doofenshmirtz as a friend and companion, he won't fight (and if he does he will do so ineffectively), but he will build machines that are capable of doing almost anything, and most of the time they will even work correctly!!!
Perhaps some quality control and removal of self destruct buttons is warranted?
An unlikely companion's nemesis (Free)
You also get an animal law enforcement agent from the dimension the doctor is from. This creature is a master of disguise and a spy of unparalleled ability.
Although he fights for the law and all that is good, the doctor isn't that bad, so this spy isn't a stickler for the law either.
Furthermore, in this dimension they have no authority, so technically they can't arrest anyone.
No friendship or kinship is guaranteed, but civilized conversation and agreements can be made.
You can also fight, if you want. Careful, don't underestimate them... wait, where did it go?
Earth Bet, Tri-State Area, Danville, The Flynn-Fletcher Home, Approximately 8:00 AM
In the geographical anomaly known as the Tri-State Area, currently under stringent watch by one of the few competent branches of the Parahuman Response Team, there resides a town known as Danville, an anomaly within an anomaly. Despite being on the ocean, it is still well within driving distance of Mount Rushmore. Within Daville, there is a certain street, 2308 Maple Drive. Along this street sits a home with yellow walls and a brown roof, and it is within this home that our story begins.
"Ferb!" Calls a young boy as he pushes open the door to his and his sibling's shared room. Dressed in an orange-and-yellowish-beige striped shirt and blue shorts, the redheaded youth has a wide grin on his face. "I finally figured out what we're going to do today!"
A green-haired (nobody knows if it's dyed or his natural color) young boy, dressed in a cream shirt and high purple pants, looks up from his book, raises an eyebrow, and nods, telling his sibling to go on.
"Look, you know how we've got extradimensional alien super-crystal-computers hooked up to our brains?" The redhead asked rhetorically. "Well, I'm thinking that we should build a portal to our own, and do a little..." the boy spins his hand around before tilting it towards his brother. "Jailbreaking, as it were. What do ya say?"
The other boy, Ferb, nods, a small smile appearing on his face. He slips a bookmark into place, closes his novel, and shuffles off of his bed. The redhead leaps up and cheers. "Alright!"
A knocking at the door. The two children turn around to see their father, a tall bespectacled brunette, lean in through the opened door, smiling. "Well, you certainly sound excited, Phineas," the man comments. "Have you two got another project planned?"
"We sure do!" Phineas, the redhead, chirps, nodding his head excitedly. Ferb gives his father a single content nod.
"That's great," their father responds. "Why, I was starting to wonder if you two had finally hit a creative block; usually you're raring to go no later than 7:30."
"Ha... yeah, today was a bit slow on the idea front. I just came up with a good one, though!"
"Capital, you two! I'll be waiting with eager anticipation!" Their father began to duck out of the door, only to pause and poke his head back in. "Oh, by the way, have either of you two seen Perry about?"
"Ah... um..." Phineas scratched at his cheek before turning to his brother, a questioning tilt to his eyebrows. Ferb thought for a moment, then shrugged. "No, we haven't," Phineas reported, turning back to his father. "Have you tried checking the garden? I've found him once or twice in a rabbit burrow or two."
"Hmm... I'll have to take a look. Happy tinkering, you two!" The boys' father gives a cheery wave before disappearing out of the door.
"Do you think he knows?" Ferb asks quietly, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder.
"No, I don't think so," Phineas retorted. "We would've overheard something on the home security system if he did."
Ferb hums appreciatively, before heading towards the door, Phineas following after him. They had a hot date with a few toolboxes, anti-matter generators, and quantum-entangled teleportation!
Little did the brothers know that deep beneath the earth (or maybe in a pocket dimension?), their pet platypus Perry was racing into his hidden lair, with the assistance of a secret slide cleverly disguised as a rabbit burrow. The surprisingly-bipedal semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action touched down in a chrome base, with a large screen mounted on one wall. It suddenly turned on, revealing a man with white hair in a military cut, a mustache, and a green jacket.
"Greetings, Agent P," spoke the man. "We've got something a little different for you this time." The image of Major Monogram, leader of the Organization Without a Cool Acronym, shrank down into the corner, making room for a video feed of one spectacle-wearing intern frantically tapping away at an old computer. "Our intelligence section has noticed that Doctor Doofenshmirtz has been making an awful lot of long-distance video calls. While we know they're leaving the Tri-State Area, we don't know where they're ending up."
The frazzled intern turned towards the camera. "It doesn't make any sense!" he cried. "The digital trail just stops! I know it has to be going somewhere else, but no matter what I try, I just can't find where it's going!"
"Carl!" barked Major Monogram. The intern squawked in surprise before quickly snapping his arms into a salute. Major Monogram sighed. "Take your break and get some lunch in you, young man. I've got Agent P on the case."
The intern slumps, relief seeping through his pores. "Oh, thank goodness," he sighs, getting out of his chair and striding out of the camera frame. The video feed vanishes, and the feed of Major Monogram once again takes up the entirety of the screen. He coughs awkwardly.
"Ah... anyway, where were we?" Major Monogram asked himself, peering at a piece of paper. "Greet Agent P... different mission than usual... long-distance video-- Oh, that's right! We don't know where or who Doctor Doofenshmirtz is calling, but it certainly can't be anything good! We want you to investigate and see what's going on, Agent P."
The fedora-wearing platypus snaps out a salute of his own before rushing over to a giant slingshot that was laying down on the floor. As soon as Agent P hopped into the slingshot's pocket, two giant robot hands appeared from circular slots in the wall. One grabbed the slingshot and aimed it skyward while the other firmly pulled back the band and let it go, sending Agent P soaring out of his secret lair and up into the sky. Meanwhile, at 🎵Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorp-era-ted~!🎵...
"...So that's how my week's been going so far," finishes a lanky man with messy brown hair, dressed in a white lab coat over a black turtleneck and green pants. He sits down in a customized office chair, cradling a steaming cup of coffee, before turning his attention up to the gigantic monitor of his computer system. "How about you, Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer?"
"Oh, I've actually been doing rather well all things considered, Doctor Doofenshmirtz," responded the man encased in glowing ornate armor on the other end of the video call. "There have been a few hiccups, namely that I've recently been made aware of just how... how should I put it... fragile some of my contractors are."
"Ah, you're talking about the Undersiders, yes?" Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz grinned as he saw his friend(?) seize up in surprise. "Come now, Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer, don't tell me you never considered the possibility of me looking into your associates? I, uh... don't take this the wrong way, but I've heard stories about Brockton Bay. I wanted to make sure you weren't in cahoots with any of the crazier kooks over there."
"I... yes, I suppose that's a rather prudent decision to make." The armored man's body language and tone were sheepish. "Sometimes I forget that Brockton is something of an anomaly in the U.S. Though, if I may ask how you...?"
"Oh, of course!" Doctor Doofenshmirtz agreed as he ducked down low to rummage underneath his desk. He came back up with a strange device, one that appeared to be a VR headset with binoculars attached to the front, and telescopes attached to the fronts of the lenses. A copious amount of blinking lights and radio antennae were attached all over the device. "Say hello to my Snoopinator Version 3.0!" Doctor Doofenshmirtz announced, slipping into a grand tone as he named his invention. He slipped it onto his head and pressed a button. The lights on the device began to glow green.
"This lets me look and snoop around almost anywhere on Earth," Doofenshmirtz eagerly informed his conversation partner. "The only places I haven't been able to snoop on are some places shielded with Tinkertech, pocket dimensions, and wherever it is your base is located. The best part is, it's even got technology from my Retrovisioninator built into it, so I can snoop on the past itself!"
Doctor Doofenshmirtz pulled off the Snoopinator and set it down on the desk, smiling sheepishly. "I've, uh... got to confess to watching the Undersiders a lot. It's like a soap opera, only with an actual plot! A shame that Regent is the only one with a halfway decent character arc, though..."
"I, uh... I see." Apeiron sighed. "To answer your initial question, yes, I was referring to the Undersiders earlier. Regent called me and informed me that the Undersiders are... actually, I probably shouldn't say anything more."
"Fine by me," Doofenshmirtz replied with a firm nod. He leaned forwards and took a sip of his coffee, smiling slyly. "But what's this I've heard about you getting Uppercrust and his entire branch of the Elite in your pocket?"
"You know my policy about contracts, Doctor."
"I know, I know," Doofenshmirtz laughed, waving a hand. "I'm just a bit of a gossip hound, I suppose." Doctor Doofenshmirtz leaned back in his chair. "You know, I really must say that I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer. I, uh... don't get out much, unfortunately."
Apeiron nodded sagaciously. "Ah, yeah. The urge to tinker and build, yes? I think most Tinkers have to deal with that."
Doctor Doofenshmirtz took another sip of coffee, looking off to the side. "Well, there's that, but it's mostly because I just don't have that much of a social network, you know?" Doofenshmirtz began to count off on his fingers. "I flunked out of villainy college, and even when I was in attendance I wasn't exactly popular; I'm not on good terms with most of my family, either."
"Surely you've got..."
"Oh, no, don't get me wrong, Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer, talking with you is not my only form of social interaction. I've got shared custody of my daughter, Vanessa, and I occasionally talk with my ex-wife Charlene, and of course, there's my arch-nemesis, Perry the--"
🎵Ding-ding-ding, dong-do-dong, ding-dong~🎵
"Oh, that's my doorbell," Doofenshmirtz noted, looking over his shoulder. He turned back to Apeiron, pointing his thumb towards the door. "Do you mind if I...?"
Apeiron nodded firmly. "Please, go ahead. I'll be right here."
"Thank you. I'll be back!" Doofenshmirtz rose out of his seat, setting his cup of coffee on the desk. "Coming!" he called as he strode towards the door. Opening it up, Doofenshmirtz... didn't see anybody. "Huh...?" He looked left, and then right, and didn't see anybody. "There's nobody--?"
A trilling noise prompted Doctor Doofenshmirtz to look downwards. "A platypus pizza delivery boy?" he asked aloud. Indeed, standing in front of the Doctor was a platypus dressed in the uniform and cap of Danville Slice, the local pizza joint, with two large boxes held in his arms.
"I'm sorry, but I don't recall ordering any pizza," Doofenshmirtz apologized. The platypus trilled again and pointed his duck bill towards the receipt resting on top of the pizza boxes. Doofenshmirtz picked it up and scrutinized it. Listed on the receipt, plain as day, was Doofenshmirtz's name, address, and even his preferred pizza order. "Ah... the Orderinator must be on the fritz again," he realized.
Doofenshmirtz sighed before waving the delivery boy inside. "Well, why don't you come inside and put those pizzas on my desk. Er, the one with the giant monitor nearby and with a cup of coffee on it, to be specific. You can't miss it. I'll go and fetch my wallet so I can pay and give you a tip." The platypus followed Doctor Doofenshmirtz inside and hopped onto the desk to place down the boxes of pizza. The mammal looked up at the bewildered suit of armor on the other side of the screen and nodded. The armored man nodded back after a moment or two of hesitation.
"Here we are," Doctor Doofenshmirtz called as he strode over, already fishing through his wallet. "Ah... here we are. A 30% tip, for the trouble," he said as he pressed a roll of bills into the platypus's awaiting hand. The delivery boy trilled happily.
"You're very welcome," Doctor Doofenshmirtz replied. The platypus began to walk away, running his thumb over the stack of bills. "Have a nice day, and don't forget to close the door on your way out," Doofenshmirtz called, waving.
"I built a device out of an old rotary phone to order pizza for me," Doofenshmirtz offered as an explanation as he sat back down, moving one box of pizza off of the other and to the side as he pulled the receipt out of his pocket. "I think it glitched and sent out an order on it's own."
"I... I see," Apeiron replied as Doofenshmirtz looked over the receipt once again.
Doofenshmirtz frowned. "Hey, wait a moment, this receipt is only for one pizza pie." The Doctor looked between the two boxes in confusion. "Where'd this second one come from--"
One of the pizza boxes was thrust open as a platypus leaped out of it. The semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal soared over Doofenshmirtz's head and landed on the floor in a flawless martial art stance. Doctor Doofenshmirtz caught sight of the platypus's fedora with a dark brown band and gasped, stumbling backward onto his desk.
"PERRY THE PLATYPUS?" Doofenshmirtz cried, pointing a finger at the sudden intruder. That same pointing hand moved to cradle his chin after a brief staredown. "Wait, how did you even fit inside of the pizza box?"
The sound of a clearing throat prompted both Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus to turn their attention towards the screen, with Apeiron looking very... confused. "Ah, is this the arch-nemesis you were speaking of, Doctor Doofenshmirtz?"
"Oh, yes! Yes, he is." Doofenshmirtz had a wide smile on his face. He clapped his hands together and turned to face Perry. "Ah, Perry the Platypus, why don't you pull up a chair? I'd like to introduce you to my correspondent, Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer." The fedora-wearing platypus offered the armored man a confused wave as he walked over to a spare office chair located by another desk, with Apeiron offered a "Greetings" in return.
"Have you heard of Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer before, Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz asked as Perry sat down in his chair. "I mean, you must have, he's been in international news, but I just wanted to check." Perry the Platypus chattered in reply as Doofenshmirtz lowered himself back into his own seat.
"Huh, really? You haven't? I'm shocked, I thought Major Monogram would have at least briefed you or something." Doofenshmirtz grabbed his coffee cup and took another sip, and looked up to see that Apeiron was turned around in his seat, apparently talking to somebody.
"Survey, I'm in the middle of a call, here..." Murmurs that sounded like melodies and bells could be heard, but not any specific words.
"What... what do you mean, 'they found two kids in Shardspace?!'" Apeiron rose from his seat, whatever camera he was using tilting upwards to follow him. "I-- really? Yes, I know how good my sensors are. It's not a matter of me thinking the sensors are faulty, Survey, it's a matter of me struggling to believe that the Final Frontier happened across two children in the middle of an alternate dimension!"
More indecipherable words followed, muffled by... something. Apeiron slumped. "I... yes, of course I'll look into it. Just give me a moment, okay?" After a moment, Apeiron nodded, and turned back towards the camera. "I'm so sorry, Doctor Doofenshmirtz, but something's come up that requires my attention. I'll have to cut things short."
Doofenshmirtz waved Apeiron off. "Oh, don't worry about it. By all means, go take care of things. But, ah... when will you call me next?"
"I'll make time tomorrow, Doofenshmirtz. Goodbye for now." With that, the call disconnected.
Doctor Doofenshmirtz leaned back in his seat, frowning. "Ah, that's a shame... I was hoping to finally ask that we collaborate on a Tinker project together." Doofenshmirtz took another sip of coffee, then turned to face Perry the Platypus. "But hey, at least I can tell you about Apeiron the Enigmatic Artificer, Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz tapped a few keys on his keyboard.
"I'll start off with this presentation by Alexandria that I yoinked from the PRT's internal files..." How will Apeiron handle the situation with the youths in Shardspace? Will Apeiron figure out what's up with the platypi of Danville? Will Doofenshmirtz get his desired collaboration? Make sure to tune in for the next exciting episode of Phineas and Ferb: Tinkers of Summer Vacation, to find out! Same Tinker Time, Same Tinker Channel!
The End
Given my previous two omakes, namely "Doobie Doobie Doo Bah Doobie Doobie Doo" & "Bah Doobie Doobie Doo Bah Doobie Doobie Doo", once the discussion had turned to Doctor Doofenshmirtz I felt like I needed to make a third Phineas and Ferb-themed omake. This is actually the second attempt; I canned the first one because I wasn't feeling it; it involved Doctor Doofenshmirtz warping himself into Joe's workshop due to an accident with an invention.
When I started writing this one, the idea of Phineas and Ferb being strangely well-adjusted Tinkers just sort of popped out at me.
I hope you enjoyed this! Have a nice day, everybody.
An Apeiron Level Requisition Disaster (PinkShadowReader)
Jacob's Ladder searched for the requisition form that his boss had asked for. Apparently he had made an additional deal with Apeiron, the Enigmatic Artificer, that permitted him to request any materials from the Celestial Forge.
He opened the expected drawer and there it was, requisition forms. Uppercrust had said to bring it to him but Jacob knew already what his boss wanted. He was there after all. Not to mention it will be checked before it gets sent to the Celestial Forge.
He looked through everything and saw that everything looked good. Then an idea came to him. What if he asked for a specific liquid too? Boss man had been indulging recently so maybe he could just acquire any it directly from a source. He could free up a bit of his schedule then.
"Jacob! Uppercrust has asked after you." Said Ferrona as she opened the door to the makeshift workshop.
"Just a moment!" Eager to save a bit of extra time. He quickly filled in what he needed onto the form. Then he put the filled paper back into the drawer and took an empty paper with him as he hurried to boss man next door.
"Here boss." He gave the empty requisition form to him. "However I don't think necessary for you to fill it out. I've already filled a form out plus some extra stuff. It's more efficient to simply go through it before we send it to the Celestial Forge."
It filled him with pride. He work for Uppercrust who often saves millions through his work. True, he's practically a gofer but there's still a certain level of prestige.
As he felt star bound by his position, a hand brought him back to reality. He looked around and saw that he had zoned out. A rather embarrassing newbie mistake. True, boss man was in a good mood but there is no reason to be sloppy.
"Excuse me, sir. What did you say?"
"Where did you put the filled requisition form?" Uppercrust asked. This time could Jacob hear a note of concern in his voice.
"In the same drawer in the workshop."
This time could Jacob see the dawning realization on everyone in the room.
Uppercrust leapt up to his feet and ran to the workshop room. Yellowjack, Ferrona and he hurried after.
Something had happened before he arrived to the room since there was a single beautiful pipe out of the incredible decorative workstation. It was approximately two meters in diameter.
Uppercrust had just managed get a paper from a drawer somewhere. He could see Uppercrust hastily read it before he came to a certain point where he just stopped. It was incredible unnerving. He could stay composed in the same room as Butcher and Apeiron being highly confrontational to each other. Jacob didn't dare to imagine what he blunder he had done now, but still he had to ask.
"What is it? What did I do wrong?!"
"Yotta! On the prefix symbol you have written is Y! You have written that you have requested a hundred yotta gram milkshake! The amount of liquid in terms of volume is-"
Suddenly the pipe began to hum before it began to flush out milkshake in large quantities.
"Quick! Sound the alarm!" It would have made a funny scene if it wasn't so serious.
Uppercrust shouted to be heard over the roar in a grave voice. "We have a milkshake apocalypse! Warn everybody!"
---
"Was it okay to just send that amount of milkshake through the system? Isn't it possible a mistake have been made?" Asked Aisha one of Joe's duplicates.
She was concerned that Uppercrust didn't limit their requests to something more reasonable. People needed to be more careful of what they request of Apeiron.
She knew, because she often had a front row seat to the amount of crazy the Celestial Forge had each day.
One of Joe's duplicate, who she was currently talking to, paused his painting work.
"Nah. Uppercrust isn't a person that makes that kind of mistakes. If its from him then we can expect that he can handle that amount. This isn't something like that will blow up like the Undersiders. Uppercrust know to be careful of requests and technology from us."
Aisha knew that, but the request still made her uneasy. She rallied to counter at least some arguments but the duplicate held up a hand.
"A moment. There is a news program that Survey urgently wishes us to watch." He continued then in a lower voice. "Wonder what that's about. It shouldn't be any villain attacks, they should all have been cowed."
Aisha felt that uneasy feeling inside of her bloom to certainty. This is an Apeiron level disaster. She just knew it.
It's been a while since I posted an omake, let's correct that.
This was inspired by a similar omake on another story, and I realized it could work here too.
XXX
The Great Creator
"Alright, what happened?" I sighed as I looked over the devastation before me.
I had been in the middle of a sparring match with Tybalt when I received an urgent message from my duplicates to come to Survey's scrying room. Once I arrived, I found the room a mess, with both of my duplicates fixing the damage.
Fortunately, the room was so heavily warded, no one outside probably heard or felt anything.
"Well" one of my duplicates started. "We decided to upgrade Survey's mirror."
I looked at the dozens of new mirrors lining the walls of the room. "I understand that, but how does that explain the damage?" I asked.
"The new mirrors with Craftsmen of the Gods can give new properties." Explained the second duplicate. "We were building prototypes to see what was possible."
I motioned for him to continue.
"Alright, the mirrors have additional properties, but the ones here all have different properties. It seems that Master Craftsman, Daedalus' Student, and Craftsmen of the Gods all synergize pretty well. We were just starting to test the mirrors and used one that showed images of the past."
I blinked. "How does that cause this mess?"
"Well, it turns out that under the right circumstances, relatively small amounts of energy can pass through the mirror." the second duplicate continued.
"Now that we know that can happen, we can build the mirror so it doesn't happen" Added the first duplicate.
"OK, I think I get it, you observed something in the past and energy passed through the mirror to create this mess." I said. "What were you looking at?"
"Well, as the objective was to determine the limits of the mirror, I attempted to look as far into the past as I could." Survey said.
"Turns out the mirror can look as far into the past as possible." added my second duplicate.
I blinked at the implications. "Wait, you observed the big bang?" I asked.
"Seems like it." Replied my first duplicate, as he transferred the experience of the event.
I felt a headache coming on. "Alright, I guess that explains that. Anything else I should know?"
"Well, Survey might count as the creator deity of the multiverse." My second duplicate quipped.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, according to our calculations, the big bang extended through multiple, possibly all of the universes in existence." Said my first duplicate. "It seems that it would have generated enough matter and antimatter in the proper positions to cancel itself out, but the small amount of matter and antimatter that leaked through the mirror created a chain reaction that destabilized the equilibrium. That resulted in some universes having an abundance of matter and some having an abundance of antimatter, the pattern that we see continue to play out today."
I stared blankly at my duplicates and Survey as I reviewed the data provided. After a deep breath, I responded.
"Nope, this is going with the demigod genetics, Satan summoning, and soul use as shit I'm not going to deal with." I stated as I walked out the room, trying to put the encounter out of my mind.
Hello everyone. I've been compiling the as-of-yet unpublished PHO omakes from the PHO Blacksmithery. First up is "Shippiening Commence" started by @Narsauce back in July 10, 2021.
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♦ Topic: The Shippening commences!
In: Boards ► ► Places ► America ► Brockton Bay
ALoneMadRhino (Original Poster) (Verified Rhino)
Posted On Apr 22nd 2011:
So, after the horror that occurred last night, I think we all need some levity here. So you know what? I think it's time we make that levity for ourselves by doing what we always do.
No, it's not rampant speculation over abilities and powers, nor is it the fawning over the strength of our soon to be Mad Tinker Overlord or the beauty of Garment's Garments, and while it does bear some similarities to Cape Fic, we're instead going to be speculating about the personal and potential love lives of the newest capes in the Bay, Garment and Apeiron! Because that's what we denizens of the internet like doing!
So come one, come all! Place your bets, pick your pairings and let the speculation over who in the Bay these 2 new capes would pair best with commence!
Edit: Just a reminder, keep the shipping above the line, please. So avoid shipping minors unless you want a visit from a mod.
(Showing page 1 of 231)
►Winged_One (Veteran Member)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Definitely Apeiron has been experimenting with creating capes and powers, and garment is his daughter that he created in some experiment.
How else would he have the experience and knowledge to treat weld?
►Picker_of_Nits
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Are we sure Garment isn't a minor?
Those gloves look really new.
Also, what's the law say about relations between people and animate objects?
Can you imagine that interview?
They pull out the barbie doll set, point to all the clothing and ask "Where did he touch you?"
(User has been temp-banned for 3 days to think about what they've done.)
Hammer_of_Bans (Mod) says: No. Just no. Have a temp-ban.
►JustADream
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Well, we all know about the fact that Dragon is setting up shop here in the bay, and while it was probably due to her wanting to keep a close look at our resident Mad Tinker in case he goes nuts (probably has already some screwed drives in his head)- I feel there's something a bit "more" to it...the Dragon found a treasure for her horde and she wants to "capture" Aperion before anyone else~
►FunctionalAdult
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
people seem to forget, Garment Gloves is just Gloves, there is no invisible person there, any shipping must be Platonic, due to lack of...required tools
►OhNoMyUsername
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Oh dosh garnet, I thought I snagged this one. Guess I've got a thread to delete, or change the purpose of. Eh, I'll figure that out later.
Hm. For some reason, Assault/Battery/Apeiron has jumped into my mind from the void. I do not know if that would work, or if they've met each other at all, but it sure is a pairing.
@FunctionalAdult you severely underestimate the internet here. Like, come on, there's fics shipping the cow with the spoon out there.
►CaptainOfShippers
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Garment/Apeiron all the way! Their existence contributed to the fashion explosion in the Bay, just look! EVERY SINGLE CAPE has updated their costumes at some point during the Age of Apeiron, and almost certainly they received some assistance from our resident sentient clothing. Come to think of it, Parian/Garment might be a good thing too...
Also also, I believe that every time Apeiron goes out to battle, Garment is with him all the time! Just look at those immaculate gloves!
►NotALazyHam
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
@CaptainOfShippers Excellent idea. And those glowing red thread must be their baby by the way of Apeiron! And next time Apeiron come out to play, he will have some new little red suits and dresses with him.
►Good Ship Morpheus
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
@.Winged_One. It is rude to assume that C53's are inhuman. But if garment is anyone's 'creation' it would probably be Pariahs, since she is able to create those moving dolls.
If Garment wasn't a C53 I would might been tempted to think that Apeiron cheated on Bakuda with Pariah at most. Since tinkers seem to be very interested in those fabrics of hers, but that is unlikely, we know how defensive Apeiron can get of his children.
►NotEntirelyUnInsane
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Well, there is somewhat of a precedent for animate/inanimate intimacy, in that the Eiffel Tower was married to a French woman. No, really. Look it up! Sadly she was widowed by the Blasphemies, but... well. Considering Garment is an animate object, though, I'm not sure that she technically counts seeing as she's not *not* alive...?
Allow me to introduce Sundancer x Apeiron! The hottest couple ever conceived! The passion of a burning sun, the smouldering beauty that even Apeiron cannot resist! The Forgemaster and his Flame, oh *yes*! Tell me you can't see it!
"Oh Apeiron, you're so good with your hands!"
"Yeah babe you're so hot"
*Swoons*
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►DisCard (Verified Shipper)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
I'm not updating the Brockton Bay chart until May. Stop asking.
►RobotRumble
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Hey! Enough with the boring pairings already. You're missing the most important one: the debut of the capeiest cape that caped. Apeiron's invincible parrying cape needs a partner!
We've already established that Armsmaster's Halberd X Miss Militia's variable gun totally is a OTP. But where can we find a match for the magnificent flappiness of The Cape?
Fear not, for there is Veil! She's a corporate Hero down in Florida, who does force fields that look/acts like veils of cloth. Video here Looks familiar no? Totally OTP.
►Plague_of_Pandas
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
@ RobotRumble against all odds you might have a point. Not about the shipping, but about Veil. I'd never heard about her before, but looking at that video...
People, I think we just found where Apeiron got/stole/copied the power/inspiration for his cape.
In case anyone have missed it, the current favorite theory about Apeiron's specialty is that he can make tinker tech copies of powers, and this thing about Veil is another point in favor.
I'll be over in the Power Speculation thread with this now. Talk there.
►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
its AperionXParian with there love child being garment.
That or apeiron is the source behind that rumor that you can buy powers in a bottle and the Case 53s are his failures hes been working on fixing.
hey Apeiron how much do you sell powers for?
►Voyager
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
I know it sounds impossible, but i agree that xxVoid_cowboyxx's theory is not so out of question, nobody knows the origin of C53.
Edit: to those that say that Parian is not legal, nobody says that the conception has to be 'traditional' i think in this situation Apeiron used a DNA mixer and a gestation tank
►TimeAndSpace (Banned)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
User was banned for this post.
►LAGreenGirl (Banned)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
User was banned for this post.
►Shotacon01 (Banned)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
User was banned for this post.
►0BCJoJo (Moderator)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
Banned. Banned. Banned. You're all banned. None of you is free from sin.
►Populi (Verified Cape)
Replied On Apr 22nd 2011:
I am astonished at this.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4 ... 229, 230, 231
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PHO: Uber And Leet 2.0, Laserdream has a boyfriend? (SoulShdw)
Hello everyone. I've been compiling the as-of-yet unpublished PHO omakes from the PHO Blacksmithery. Next are "Uber and Leet 2.0" started by @SoulShdw back in July 13, 2021 and "Laserdream's BF" by CorEagle at December 28, 2021. @LordRoustabout mind threadmarking this and the previous one?
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♦ Topic: Uber And Leet 2.0
In: Boards ► ► Places ► America ► Brockton Bay
Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades (Original Poster)
Posted On Apr 15th 2011:
So I know we were all surprised when Uber and Leet decided to go total darkside and help out the crazy bomber woman (See Thread on Bakuda's... debut here), but they've now shown a few other big showings that don't seem to coincide with their previous history of being total screw-ups (Apeiron Fight, attack on Faultline's crew, and now Plants vs Zombies against Lost Garden?). Hell, it looks like Leet's gear is no longer breaking.
Are these really the same two idiots the internet has grown to both love and detest in equal measures? The ones who raided a go-kart track in order to throw virtual green shells at each other (and the other people there), or staged a massive King of the Hill match with goons dressed up from Team Fortress 2 at a mall?
Is this the beginning of something new, or like many sequels, are they simply destined to burn out and leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth?
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►Sothoth (Veteran Member)
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
You probably don't know this, but to us who were there when they first showed up? They were an effective villain team. They embarrassed the local PRT on regular intervals and always, always got away without capture (unlike nowadays where they keep getting captured). The tech Leet was showing off, and the skill that Uber was using them with was something to be remembered. There was a time, when they were on par with the Empire and Lung.
But, despite that, I still remember the time that they were nobler. All the stuff they did were for games only, and they took care to help out in some of the forgotten orphanages that are spread around the city. They were anti-villains, and they helped the children sleep peacefully, even just a little bit.
For us veterans of Brockton Bay, Uber and Leet were the "Apeiron" of our time.
The fact that they are returning to their prime, but this time fully embracing their roles as villains? It makes me shudder. It was never known what Leet's specialty was, after all.
►Cynic-Al
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
I suppose "nobility" is in the eye of the beholder.
The "participants" in their "shows" certainly didn't see a lot of it.
Also, while the Foster Care system does appreciate help and donations, throwing a bag of stolen video games through a window isn't helpful.
Fun detail about "Robin Hood" criminals, turns out most places can't accept donations from criminals!
The police get all weird about it.
►Sothoth (Veteran Member)
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
Hey, I said "nobler" not "noble". They were still villains. Also, heh, yeah, that time was amazing. Some of the kids hid the games they managed to get before the police arrived.
>throwing a bag of stolen video games through a window isn't helpful.
Wait, is that something they actually did?
►Game_Phan_213
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
Guys, I think I got it figured out!
So this March chick has like super-timing, which is underwhelming in most cases, but timing is actually really important in video games.
Leet has his Video Game Tinker power, but him and Uber are actually button-mashing noobs.
That's what Leet was saying, she taught them to play video games!
Now they can use all the tech the way it was meant to be used.
►Moby Dick
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
Is the ABB trying to play into the hikikomori stereotype, or something?
Trying to appeal to the disenfranchised and disillusioned young adults who lost everything showing that even losers like Uber and Leet can amount to something if they really tried?
►Browbeat (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
>showing that even losers like Uber and Leet can amount to something if they really tried?
The only thing they 'amounted to' was aiding in one of the greatest acts of domestic terrorism on the East Coast. For all those two idiots claim to be doing what they do 'in love of video games', the truth is that everything they've done has just proven all the crap that people claim about videogames being bad for people. If they genuinely cared about games, they wouldn't bother trying to dress up their crimes with window dressing about it and blame them for their own actions.
Uber, Leet. Stop screwing with my hobbies. I haven't been able to bring myself to play in any gaming tournaments since you two first showed up.
►DrowningInTheBay
Replied On Apr 15th 2011:
Naw U&L might've used to have been serious threats, but I'd never call them noble. The way they acted and portrayed an obvious disregard for life and personal responcibility is proof enough. What they definitely displayed in the past was a lack of desperation that is very much no longer present. It's why they are generally no longer considered threats. Like some people like to point out their GTA stunt as their dive in morality but they've always assaulted people for no reason other than to have people participate in their hair brained schemes. Only reason why they are still on the streets is their elusiveness. A whole lotta people, and not just LoEs, want to see these two either behind bars or outa the state. Honestly if joining up with a mad bomber is what it took for you to realize that not only are they villians but they are a genuine danger to the public where ever they are you either weren't a victim of theirs or you thought everyone in their streams were paid actors.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3 ... 553, 554, 555
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♦ Topic: Laserdream has a boyfriend?
In: Boards ► ► Places ► Brockton Bay ► Capes
Aloha (Original Poster)
Posted On Apr 20th 2011:
So, I live in Brockton Bay, and anyone who's been watching the news knows the shitfest we've been going through. Cape's doing even more unimaginable things than normal, the city turning into a warzone because of warring gangs, Apeiron being Apeiron and all that, The ABB bombing the city and New Wave collapsing.
That last part was especially sad for me, cause I did like New Wave as a team. I felt bad for the kids, Shielder, Glory Girl, Panacea and Laserdream all got the shit end of the stick over the past week. When the breakup happened, I wished them nothing but the best.
So imagine my surprise when I see Cyrstal Pelham walking around with some very handsome man like she had known him her entire life. Is she on the dating scene? Am I even allowed to talk about this?
Either way, what do all the rest of us people of the Bay think about this new development?
(Showing page 1 of 653)
►ALoneMadRhino (Verified Rhino)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Huh. Nice to see her having a good time after the shitshow that happened with her family. @Glitzglam, anything to say about this?
Not wanting to start speculation or anything, but New Wave has always been a family-based Cape team, no? Who knows, maybe we'll see another member of New Wave sometime soon.
►EurekaEffect
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Hey! I've seen it too! Manged to make a photo!*picture of Joe and Lazerdream talking*
I even know the guy! What his name...Jose Durin? Was going with me on engineering degree. He took his time with moving on from a messy breakup with a bitch. Anyway, good for him, lucky bastard.
►Sothoth (Veteran Member)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Man, that guy is handsome. I'm straight as an iron beam, but even I can admit that guy is seriously model-like. Like, no joke, is there a fashion magazine somewhere with this guy on it?
On another note, what is with the water here in BB that so many handsome and beautiful people are popping up? And where can I drink some?
►Purrrfect
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
>Not wanting to start speculation or anything, but New Wave has always been a family-based Cape team, no?
Thank you for the fish. I promise I will dissect it carefully.
Even the BB Cape Pool is growing like crazy, it still won't be too hard to find a possible match.This is the price that poor guy has to pay to go out with such a cute girl like Laserdream.
►ALoneMadRhino (Verified Rhino)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
@Purrrfect
I thought I said too not... you know what, never mind. People were going to start wondering who this guy is for one reason or another. Let's just hope it doesn't turn into another Fleur. That was a sad day for New Wave, and I'd hate to see it repeated. Especially after this week's shitshow.
►Submariner (Verified Anti-Shipper)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
@ ALoneMadRhino
Let's be careful with our words on the dreaded boards of the PHO. Not everyone who associates with a member of New Wave is a cape, so let's not paint a target on this guy's back by even remotely implying that he might be a cape. For all we know, he's just one of her classmates. Maybe she was just escorting him through the hellscape our city has become to ensure he was safe. (Is that reverse-chivalry? Femvalry? I genuinely don't know if there is a catchy buzz word for this...)
I'm more curious what the kids of New Wave (Next Wave?) are planning to do with the cape-scene going forward. I mean, I wouldn't blame them if they all took a year off or whatever. I mean, the youngest still need to finish up high school and Laserdream probably wants to focus on college work and finding a decent job (let's not forget, Brandish still works as a lawyer, unless the ungodly hour destroyed her office building) than dealing with the psychos we have here in the bay.
►GhostBoy (Verified Undead)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
I'm just going to leave this little tidbit here. Snapped it just seconds ago. Boy is this a doozy.
*Photo of Laserdream and Aisha each holding one of Joe's arms glareing at each other over his sholder*
►ALoneMadRhino (Verified Rhino)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
One of those two looks like a child, pls refrain.
I think the best we could hope for is the younger girl being an overprotective family friend/member.
►OhNoMyUsername (Dragon Fanboy)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Well I'm glad something is going well(?) for her right now. With the Ungodly Hour, Apeiron, the New Wave drama, and the Merchants gaining... two? Three? A few capes overnight, I can't imagine she's been having an easy time of it.
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(Showing page 2 of 653)
►Sothoth (Veteran Member)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
This is kind of surprising. Usually, posts like this that concern a cape's love life would erupt into war right now. Instead, they're getting all the support they have.
►OhNoMyUsername (Dragon Fanboy)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
I think we here in BB have had enough war to last us for a while. Doesn't mean it's gonna stop, because the people who feel that way typically aren't the ones doing it, but I'm gonna stop here because I'm making myself sad again.
►Rolled7onaD6
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
>Man, that guy is handsome. I'm straight as an iron beam, but even I can admit that guy is seriously model-like. Like, no joke, is there a fashion magazine somewhere with this guy on it?
I'm with Sototh on this one. That guy is straight up model-like handsome. Perfect moves and posing as well.
Perhaps a bit too handsome.
Do we have to worry about Stranger Danger of a more parahuman kind?
I mean, everyone knows that New Wave is off their game right now. Would be just like some villain Stranger to cozy up to Laser Dream and offer a sympathetic shoulder when her guard is down.
Has anyone checked on Crystal lately?
►FalconOwlShrike
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Huh. Could've sworn I saw that same guy giving a bouquet to that new cape, Garment. The one made out of clothes. I didn't really get a good look, though.
►RocRocRoccks
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
You mean this guy?
*Photo of Garment hugging Joe, who has a bouquet of flowers, outside of her shop.*
►FalconOwlShrike
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Yeah, that's the guy. Huh. Wouldn't have taken him for a playboy, he doesn't really look like it.
►TinkerTailorSoldierNinja!
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Duh! He's a model!!🌟 Of course he knows Garment. She probably makes clothes he shows off somewhere. Duh
Fashion Cape + Model = Know each other.
It's not Rocket Science people...
Plus he's apparently really nice and brings the girls flowers 💐💜
►Aloha (Original Poster)
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Oh shit. Should we...inform Laserdream?
►Answer Key
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Don't. The situation is stressful as it is, this would be another thing that might cause her to go apeshit.
►Antigone
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
We should! Communication is the best medicine for any relationship!
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►Pirogies
Replied On Apr 20th 2011:
Well. That escalated quickly. So many bans over the topic of informin Laserdream...
I, for one, don't think she's actually in a relationship.
Sorry, but I couldn't really get this recursive fic idea out of my head. I wanted to wait until I had a better idea of what Aisha's Semblance would turn out to be, as well as the rest of her power ups, but considering this is essentially just the prologue I thought I could just fold in those details later.
Stranded
March 4, 2011 (?)
It was painful how desolate this place was.
After the Celestial Forge went and overtook the world following the downfall of Zion, Aisha couldn't help but admit to herself that she had gotten too used to being surrounded by amazing things. She may have had been just a troubled preteen when she first met Apeiron, but after a decade of helping Joe, all of that seemed like forever ago. So standing here, in this secluded plot surrounded by nothing but poorly maintained graves was somehow even more of a shock than what got her in this situation in the first place.
Jozef Michael Duris
1990-2011
A loved son and friend
"The Matrix would be horrified, if they saw this." Morbid humor was a familiar companion, having been with her since her mother first brought in one of her boyfriends. And alone, in this familiar but different world, it was once again her only companion. "They would complain about the quality of the tombstone, the poor health of the grass, and the clear lack of upkeep. Man, I knew your family was filled with assholes, but it hasn't even been a month, hasn't it? Then why is your grave already in such a bad condition?"
With a single thought, Aisha activated her suit's cleaning function to wipe away all the dirt, and on a whim, she transmuted rocks into the shape of flowers on the base of the grave. Aisha could've probably stolen a real bouquet somewhere with her capabilities, but somehow... this felt like it was more appropriate. That in this timeline, in this world where Apeiron would never come to be, where Jozef Duris committed suicide somewhere in January instead of triggering on April Fools, someone would use powers to make flowers in his place.
Aisha's chest hurt. Seeing Brockton Bay back to how it had been, before the Uplift, had been bad enough. But this world didn't seem to have an issue in keeping up with the punches.
"You know, I almost wanted to ruin your family's lives when I found out what had happened." Aisha had been so close. She had been right there, in Duris family room watching Joe's parents live their lives almost without care that their only son had died just two months ago. If she hadn't caught her hand in time, her blade would've gone through Ms. Duris' face and none of them would've even realized what had happened until she was done. "If I hadn't seen your picture on the wall, I might have done something I would've regretted for the rest of my life. Just goes to show, even when you're gone, you're still looking after me right?"
Part of Aisha had wanted, for the longest time, to be out of Apeiron's shadow after a decade of being part of the Celestial Forge.
It wasn't even Joe's fault. He just was naturally better than everyone else, and the entire world knew it, so getting jealous of him was like a candle getting mad at the sun for daring to be brighter. And as Lethe, she couldn't even say that she didn't luck out in having the chance to be part of his chosen group - Aisha could still remember the short jealous looks sent to her by all kinds of people, powerful and smart people alike.
That was why Aisha created that machine, even if it took everything she had just to keep anyone from knowing about it. Well, anyone but Survey. While Joe had no problems giving privacy to his friends even when his powers let him know everything if he wanted, Survey had no such qualms and it was only with the potential data of dimension-traveling that Aisha had managed to convince Survey to keep it secret between them.
But of course, without the immeasurable sun, now everything looked a lot darker in stark contrast. And with the machine having broken on arrival and with none of the Celestial Forge's infinite resources to repair her dimensional transporter, Aisha was alone, stranded in this world with nothing but her equipment, her abilities, and her knowledge to fix the mess she had recklessly thrown herself into.
"I need to make my way back home. I need to be careful of the threats that you once defeated, now back in full power in your absence." No one will hear these oaths but Aisha, yet they remained as true as they could be. "And most of all, I need to prove that as Lethe, even without you, I can act in keeping with the ideals and the standards of the Celestial Forge."
Because as part of Apeiron's legacy, her actions deserved nothing less.
A minute later, the grave was left alone once more, with only beautiful stone flowers being the only proof that anything had happened here.
Aisha knew all too well that she wasn't the brightest.
True, her mind now contained literal centuries' worth of technological advancement and more space-age PhDs than she could ever care to list, but knowledge wasn't wisdom and her presence in this world was just another chapter in proving that. Normally, she had other people to rely on - Survey really spoiled her a lot in this aspect - but in this world while Aisha Laborn did exist, that name was for a snarky preteen who was probably off irritating one of her dad's coworkers over at the gym at the moment.
She had only managed to sneak a glance over her younger self for a moment before she had to turn away due to a flush of embarrassment and shame. If there was any question on whether Garment or not got to her after all these years, then her reaction to what her younger self was wearing was the final nail on that coffin. She had to even hold herself back from marching down to her younger self and shoving a new wardrobe into her arms - while Aisha's clothing skills weren't anywhere close to Garment's, after years of continued exposure she picked up a few things through osmosis.
Still, that neatly pointed out one big problem: as she was right now, 24 years old, she had no identity to speak of and if she kept calling herself "Aisha" then it could get difficult for her younger self very quickly if anyone ever connected the dots. And though technically, she was capable of interacting with people without a "civilian" identity, she had no idea how long she will have to stay in this world while she knew herself all too well. Interacting with other people only through a mask would drive her crazy, and as Lethe, she couldn't exactly ignore her own mental health like that, right?
So "Ashe Duris" was born. It was both similar enough to her real name that she would have no problems responding to it, and though technically picking out Duris as a surname may cause problems for her later on, she had done so out of respect for this world's Joe Duris, already lost so young, and as a snub to Joe's family by basically telling the world that she was more of a family to Joe than they ever were. And given the Duris' family's relative reclusiveness to only their own worlds, with Aisha's technical skills it had been surprisingly easy to forge a new identity as some forgotten uncle's son's cousin's adopted sister, complete with age-faked paperwork. And if she was all too informed on how to overcome standard anti-Stranger protocols in detecting fake identities, well that was just because it was in her purview as Lethe of the Celestial Forge.
Thus, with a new identity in hand, "Ashe" had a decision to make. What would she do from here, where would she establish her base in, and who would she have to work with in order to achieve her goals? Given the sheer amount of trouble she knew was ahead of her, she had to choose wisely. She had to pick a place where nobody would ever think to look her for, yet also familiar enough that she wouldn't be out of place. Similarly, given the sheer amount of people she needed to look out for at the moment, her younger self being the most obvious, she would also have to position herself close to be able to act at any moment.
For a moment, she struggled with herself over this. Again, her reliance on the Celestial Forge was showing because Ashe knew that if Survey was here, Survey would've had already provided a list of the top 10 options, complete with explanations and detail for each and Ashe could directly ask for pros and cons of each decision. But as her unresponsive watch would attest, Survey wasn't here because apparently not even a quantum entanglement communicator could keep contact with the kind of dimensional travel she had done.
(Suddenly all the jokes about Survey's data size had gotten a lot less funnier in retrospect.)
But then she saw the job poster and all her doubts fell away. Sure, this was probably far from the best option, and probably one of the worse ones, but if there was anything Ashe knew about her younger self, it was her wish to be noticed. Her wish to be accepted and trusted, and why Ashe was so loyal to the Celestial Forge after Joe accepted her even as she invited herself into his base for the first time and nearly broke Joe's anti-Simurgh countermeasures.
Really, who would give up the chance to make things easier for their younger self? Ashe certainly wouldn't, and so with a disposable cell phone printed straight from her armor's reserves, she dialed up her father's telephone number.
It took a few rings, but soon her parallel father's familiar voice picked up the call. "Hello, this is Laborn from the Brockton Bay's Boxing and Fitness Gym. How may I help you?"
Ashe had never been the kind of girl to rely on her father for anything, so it said a lot about her current state that she almost broke her cover and told her father everything right there. What if it was somehow Brian that picked up the call? Would she have actually done that? This was such a bad idea, she should probably apologize and say that she had just dialed a wrong number.
"Hello, this is Ashe Duris, a fresh Business and Administration graduate from Brockton University. I had heard that you had a job opening for a secretary position?"
Damn it.
"A fresh graduate." Her father's response was flat, which made sense considering he probably wanted someone with more work experience. "Are you sure you could even do the job? Because let me tell you, a boxing gym is hardly easy work, and if it weren't for the fact that I am already busy enough handling the gym members, I wouldn't have posted that job poster for anyone."
This was almost nostalgic, how long has it been since anyone underestimated her? "I could show you my qualifications, sir, but I would think that I could prove my capabilities more in the job than out of it."
If this was anyone else, Ashe knew, they would've already turned her down then and there. But this was her father, and though he may have not been there for most of her childhood, after the Celestial Forge turned everything around, after years of awkwardness she had finally managed to connect to him. She knew what kind of person he was looking for.
There was a snort through the phone call. "Well then, if you're so keen to prove yourself then why don't you join one of us in the ring? Of course, even someone as green and overconfident as you would probably-"
"If proving myself in a boxing match is a required skill, then I would be happy to do so." Ashe cheerfully channeled a bit of Survey into her tone and smiling at the sudden rush of coughing that came through from the other side. Really, her Dad should know better than to drink coffee in the middle of a conversation. "What time should I arrive tomorrow?"
Her father, after a long minute of silence, finally came through. "...7:30 in the morning tomorrow, sharp."
Five seconds later, Ashe heard him drop the call. Pulling away the disposable phone from her head, immediately a rush of regret over her impulsiveness filled her.
"This is such a bad idea, this is such a bad idea, this is such bad idea..." Ashe hissed as she smacked her palm over her forehead. She hadn't been able to stop herself the moment she heard her father question her skills. And here she thought she was finally over all of that. "But I don't want to disappoint him either, so I guess there's no going back now. It's not like they'll even manage to touch me anyhow... though that in itself may become a problem..."
Still, that was her "civilian" identity down. Now she just had to find a place to live in, and then figure out what she, as Lethe, was going to do in this gang-infested version of Brockton Bay...
That same night saw Lethe in full armor as she stood above one of the ABB's bases.
She knew that if she wanted to get anything done, she would need to be bold. As much as she admired Joe, she knew that she didn't have his patience nor his self-control to hold back until victory was guaranteed. Which made it so fortunate that she still had everything Joe had given her, from the entirety of her training, her equipment, and even her anti-precog charm that she knew was important to keep away the eye of that winged bitch in the sky.
Unlike Joe, she wouldn't have access to any resources until she actively sought them out. Unlike Joe, she couldn't just make herself better equipment, because even after everything he taught her, nothing she made could ever become better than even the most casual works of Apeiron. Unlike Joe, there was no point in waiting, and she knew if she was going to act, then she was going to act decisively and with enough temerity that few people would take the fight to her.
And so, she decided to make her opening debut in this world be the takedown of an entire gang.
Back in her world, with only her power and her recklessness, before Joe had even given her anything, she had managed to find the core of the new ABB's financial base. True, she didn't know what she found at the time and she ended up nearly dying in the process, but that achievement remained - even with just her power, Lethe could be a major threat to any of her enemies. There was a reason as to why people feared her name and called her the Celestial Forge's boogeyman.
Sure, she couldn't just reshape the world according to her whims like her teammates. Sure, she couldn't analyze her opponents in a microsecond and hash out counterplans the next moment. But the fact was, as far as most of the world was concerned, she didn't have to. Not when she could both figuratively and literally behead any enemy of the Celestial Forge without anyone even noticing.
Not that she had killed anyone yet. She never had to, and Lethe hoped that this situation wouldn't change that anytime soon.
In this world, where nobody even knew that she existed, with all of her training, equipment, and experience after years of involvement with the Celestial Forge's activities, her abilities were just completely overkill. Within the span of an hour, she had managed to track down not only the ABB base where Lung had resided, she had also managed to draw a giant transmutation circle around the entire thing without anyone noticing.
She watched as people stepped over and ignored portions of her transmutation circle, etched straight into stone. Her mental hand was over her power, the previously tempestuous force that was once a poisoned apple now tame as a kitten as she felt it shroud her existence and the circle's existence from the rest of the world. Like this, she knew that not even the Passengers in this dimension would be able to study her Alchemy at work, only the results after she was done.
She had had enough of her Alchemy skills stolen in her own world, thank you very much.
From her armor's subspace, she drew out her old friend and partner. When she grew older, her love for unicorns had mellowed out slowly, but Orudios was forever dear to her heart and she always took the time to get her out to graze and go on what Joe's clones called "enthusiastic walks." And as Orudios unfolded from her unicorn phone charm form into her familiar motorcycle, she gave her friend a comforting pat on the front.
"This world's different from where we came from, Orudios, so for a while I'm going to need to keep you in this form when we're out and about. Is that fine with you?" The satisfied hum from Zoid engine told her enough. "Alright, thank you Orudios. Now, let's get this party started, shall we?"
With a thought, she unshrouded herself with her power. Riding her motorcycle high and above in the sky, Lethe drove her around over a nonexistent track above the base before she pointed up, did a small flip, and came back straight down dead center over where she knew the ABB's meeting room was located. Mass effect fields wrapped around her and Orudios as they came down through the base's roof and three floors' worth of rooms before she crashed right into the middle of the ABB going through a meeting.
Members of the ABB gawked and stared at her in shock and fear as an unknown parahuman in power armor and a motorcycle landed right in front of their equally shocked leader.
Nobody could see her smile, but Lethe made sure that it carried through her tone. "Hello, you are Lung, correct? I am Lethe of the Celestial Forge, and as of tonight, I'll be dismantling the ABB's operations."
Lung, being an experienced cape, immediately threw a fireball at her instead of staring at her gall. Lethe let the flames harmlessly sweep through her frame as she got off and set Orudios on the panicking ABB troops. She knew that even without her guidance, her partner would be able to take care of them with as minimal trouble as possible, so she instead focused on the capes in the room.
Her scanners helpfully indicated the shock on Oni Lee's face through his mask when Lethe grabbed the hand holding his knife from her blind spot. Then, with a quick application of anesthetic and paralytic from her armor, she threw the quickly-unconscious cape over and behind her, just in time to see Lung charge straight towards her.
In that moment, Lethe remembered the strongest Lung had ever been. She remembered how he was like, towering over Brockton Bay like a dragon from hell in what had been called the Ungodly Hour. Back then, Joe had only realized too late what the effect of his power had on the capes surrounding him. It had only taken minutes for Lung to ramp up to the same level as he did against Leviathan, and then more past that.
But as she slapped Lung aside with the force Beria provided her, Lethe stared at the unconscious gang leader after he had gone through three walls.
"Well, that was a lot easier than I expected." Lethe hummed to herself as she turned to the ABB gangmembers frozen in fright around her.
Fortunately, Bakuda hadn't been recruited by Lung yet so there weren't any bombed civilians here, though Lethe confirmed with Beria that the tinker had already been taken into custody after she held her college hostage. Absentmindedly, she made a digital note on Beria to keep an eye on that as she rounded up Oni Lee and Lung in restraints, with Oni Lee blindfolded in case the man woke up somehow.
"Everyone, don't move." Lethe announced, largely pointlessly as at this point, Orudios had all the gang members grounded using mass effect fields. "I don't really know what the ABB has been doing or planning, but as you can all see, that ends now. I suggest not trying to resist or escape."
To punctuate her point, Lethe finally unleashed the building alchemical energy in the transmutation circle her power was still shrouding. She could literally hear the gang members lose their minds as her transmutation circle did quick work of the entire base, analyzing and deconstructing it in one breath until there was nothing but rubble surrounding them now.
Just in time too, as Beria indicated Velocity's arrival with Lethe having given the PRT just enough forewarning to witness her activities as it happened.
Lethe waved at the Protectorate member as he stared at the results of her short encounter.
"Hello, could you please call this in? I would like to report the takedown of the ABB's capes as an independent. I'll be tracking down the remnants of the gang later on, but for now, these two would need to be in containment."
And if Lethe took the ABB's coffers and most of their equipment in the process, well, nobody noticed. She needed the materials to construct her own workshop later on after all.
Lethe was lucky that she didn't need sleep as much as most people because it was while she was cleaning up and calling the PRT on the ABB's unpowered members in their other bases - she wouldn't let them resurge anytime soon, not at all - that Beria reminded her of her scheduled interview with the parallel version of her father.
Dropping the ABB lieutenant in her hands in front of a confused cop, Lethe immediately changed back into Ashe under cover of her power before she changed into a new pair of clothes more fitting for a gym in a nearby shop. And if she had to break into the shop to get said clothes, well that was only because the shop still wasn't open at 6 AM in the morning and Ashe made sure to leave the money on the counter with some extra for their trouble.
She couldn't help but miss Garment. It was ironic, given how much she initially had to be forced to wear her clothing, but while she still had some of her wardrobe on her, none of them were fit for the interview at the gym and she didn't exactly have enough time to make her own clothes at the moment.
Seven-thirty on the dot, she entered her father's gym and froze at who she saw.
"Is this the girl you were talking about last night?" Aisha Laborn turned at their father with an insolent look on her face, though at the moment Ashe had to hide her reaction away. To think, she made enough of an impression during her call that Dad brought her up around Aisha. "She doesn't seem like much."
Ashe very carefully did not let that get a rise out of her. She knew what her younger self was doing - already, at this age, she knew how to judge boundaries and test new people. She had done just that with Joe after all, and her estimates ended up being crushed once she actually got to know him and his identity as Apeiron.
The irony of how Aisha was testing another S-Class cape without knowing it did not go past Ashe.
"Don't worry, I'll prove myself soon." Ashe made an effort to not physically look down at her younger self, but it was close. Was she really that squishy at that age? No wonder Joe worried about her so much. Turning to her father Mr. Laborn, she asked him, "Will we be having the interview first, or do I first have to fight in the ring?"
If Ashe didn't know Mr. Laborn as well as she did, she wouldn't have recognized him being as gob-smacked. Ashe knew how she looked, and though part of her really didn't want to think of her father looking at her like she was just another woman instead of his daughter, she knew that she certainly didn't look like someone rated Brute 7. Joe was very good at hiding his improvements after all, and they only got better as she grew older.
Still, Mr. Laborn rallied quickly and cleared his throat, "I... didn't actually think that you would go for it. As long as you show me your qualifications, I'll let you get the job, don't worry."
Before Ashe could say anything in response to that, Aisha was already butting in, "Oh, come on Dad, can't you see that she's basically perking up to be in the ring? Are you saying that us girls can't fight?"
Mr. Laborn immediately began to look awkward at that. "Aisha, I'm not saying that she can't..."
"Then she totally could take Vince up for a short match!" Ashe could only watch with hidden horror and embarrassment as she saw her younger self needle their father, who looked entirely uncomfortable with dealing with the younger her. "Isn't that right, errr...?"
Realizing that Aisha was asking for her name, Ashe politely introduced herself to her younger self. "My name is Ashe. Ashe Duris."
"Great. Name's Aisha. We have pretty similar names, huh?" Ashe laughed to hell and back in the back of her mind at that. "Anyways, are you really up for that boxing match?"
Ashe smiled at her for that. "Would I be here if I wasn't? But no, it's Mr. Laborn gets to choose if I would really have to. He's my employer here, after all."
Mr. Laborn didn't quite meet her in the eyes. To someone observant, it was clear that he was still pretty embarrassed over Aisha, not that Ashe couldn't sympathize at this point. "Ah... Let's get to that interview first before any of that fighting business. You are here to be a secretary for the gym after all, not as a gym member. Not that I'm saying you can't be a gym member, just, well, being able to fight is not exactly necessary in doing paperwork."
From there, Ashe was led into the gym's office room and Aisha was quickly shooed away before Mr. Laborn gave her an interview. And while Ashe never had to actually work in a job like this since meeting Joe, she knew well enough from watching how Survey acted as Joe's secretary to score perfect points on the interview. Of course, that still left being able to do the job... but Ashe could just let Beria do most of the work while she used her power to conceal her armor in action. When he saw "her" work afterward, he certainly looked satisfied at the results.
An hour later saw Ashe shaking Mr. Laborn's hand as her job was finalized. From the gist of things, Ashe got the feeling that despite his initial misgivings over a fresh graduate taking the secretary job, nobody was trying to take the job in the first place and she knew him well enough to know he hated dealing with paperwork as opposed to doing his actual job as a coach. That also neatly explained why nobody acted as a secretary for the gym back in her world when she was at Aisha's age - nobody actually took the offer at the time.
When the two of them finally left the office, Aisha was already there, moving away the poor new guy she had been teasing to move on the fresher, bloodier waters. Ashe really couldn't believe that she was this embarrassing at this age... she needed to apologize to everyone she knew as soon as she got back home.
"So?" Aisha looked at them expectantly.
"I got the job, Aisha." Ashe responded first, mostly to save Mr. Laborn from the tiny storm her younger self was turning out to be. "We reached an agreement - I'll be here three times a week, at slightly higher than minimum wage."
Honestly the wage wasn't as important as just providing Ashe a reason to be around this place. Already, she was understanding why Joe saw it to be so important to maintain his relationships with other people even during everything that happened in Brockton Bay, all those years ago. Social interaction was important in and of itself if she wanted to remain sane in these circumstances.
Of course, Aisha wasn't helping Ashe with that at the moment, all of her past mistakes moving and acting right in front of her face.
"No, I meant the gym match!" Aisha grinned at her so slyly that Ashe had to keep down the urge to smack her face into the nearby wall. Ashe's face, not Aisha's, because Ashe could actually take it and her younger self just looked so squishy. "I already talked Vince around about it! Sure, it took a bit of effort, but he caved in and said that it was your choice!"
Ashe could see that no, neither Vince nor Mr. Laborn actually wanted to her to fight in the ring and they were basically begging her through their eyes to say no to Aisha for them. And though Ashe did feel rather sympathetic with their plight... to be honest, part of her just wanted to show off. She wanted to prove to this version of her father and this younger her that Aisha Laborn could indeed one day get stronger, even if none of them would ever know that it was actually her.
So, though this may be selfish of her... "I'll take that match then, if that's alright."
From the way Aisha's face rose and Vince's face fell at her response, Ashe knew that she won brownie points with her younger self while Vince deserved an apology later on. She really didn't want to put him out like this, but the sooner everyone here knew that they didn't have to treat her like something fragile and something more like Mrs. Gartenberg, then the better for everyone involved.
And sure enough, a counter, an uppercut, and one unconscious Vince later Ashe Duris got exactly what she wanted. The people in the gym stopped looking at her as an oddity and instead began to approach her like she was just another person there. True, she could make do without the flirting that also followed when she was going to be so busy, but one couldn't have everything.
(She still apologized about the fight with Vince in the end.)
To be continued.
So this is basically the brainchild of a week of just wondering how BCF Aisha would be like in canon Worm. Immediately I knew that unlike Joe, she wouldn't really hesitate on getting things done, especially if she was older like here in this omake. The problem I had was on what she was actually going to do, as my focus was more on the interpersonal interactions with the people she knew than actually dealing with the Worm plot.
Still going to continue this, and at the moment my plot seems to be pointing on Aisha first establishing herself as a powerhouse in Brockton Bay before going international. Logically speaking, she would most likely involve herself with Dragon (thus the Dragonslayers) and Leet, maybe even Bakuda, as a way to fix her way home, but she could easily go and dig up Professor Haywire's work just as well. And as for threats, I don't think she'll let Coil stay for too long given Grue is in danger while he's still around.
As for the bigger scale though? Like the Endbringers, the Passengers, and Zion? While Aisha might be willing to deal with other S-Class threats, she would be far more realistic with these particular threats and probably see them as more of "Once she gets Apeiron into this world" kind of thing as opposed as something to handle herself.
(And no, I haven't forgotten about the copy of the nanites inside Orudios. That's in the plot notes.)
