Behold, my fellow questers! I bring tribute! Meaning that I have altered and expanded my earlier omake.
The Whoremonger of Braavos
Viserys smiled brightly at his newly resurrected mother. "Today is a day of joy. I'm so happy to have you back, Mother. And everything else went great, too!"
Mother cocked her head inquisitively. "Did something good happen?"
"Yes, I just got seventeen Children!"
"Seventeen..." Rhaella echoed, her voice barely above whisper. "Viserys, how many wives do you have?"
Viserys blinked at his mother's non sequitur, but answered regardless. "None. But truth to be told, there is-"
"Oh sweetie," Mother exclaimed, cutting off his words, and drew him into a warm hug. "Were your father and I such horrible parents that you became a whoremonger?"
For the first time in years, Viserys found himself speechless.
"Mother, you don't know half of it," Daenerys said lightly, finally deigning to join the conversation. There was an evil glint in her eyes that instantly made him suspicious. "He was just thirteen when he first went to a bordello and since then whenever he sees a whore or a bedslave he rushes to them... His steward is a former courtesan, he spent weeks trying to teach whores to act like noblewomen, he paid to have a brothel to relocate into his capital, stole an Archon's mistress, and once even took a pair of twin daughters from a Volantine noble house."
His mother just hugged him harder.
Daenerys, however, wasn't done yet. "Actually, in that same party that he left with the aforementioned stolen mistress and the highborn twins, he also arranged his friend to sneak out with a noble heiress. Her wedding got called off, ruining her family. Lately Viserys has been employing a literal demon-whore from Hell to satisfy some of his more outragous desires. And-"
"Daenerys!" Viserys snapped, annoyed at his sister's missleading, tasteless jokes.
She was undaunted. "Brother's first mistress was something of a scandal; she had been a virginal temple initiate before abruptly moving in with us. Why, if you listen to the wagging tongues, she was supposedly banished from the temple for fornicating on-"
"Daenerys!" Mother interrupted, lifting her head from her son's shoulder, and this time the girl actually fell silent. "A fine lady shouldn't speak like that. Your bother's... dalliances, no matter how abundant or peculiar, are none of your concern."
"Mother," Viserys started, his voice pleading. "I don't think you understand..."
Rhaella shook her head. "No, I understand. I understand how terrible it must have been for a young, orphaned boy to be driven out of his home and into foreing streets. To be forced to live in squalor with harlots, thieves and brigands... No wonder you sought enjoyment where you could. And then got lost in the pleasures of the flesh."
Viserys couldn't stop himself from facepalming.
"But Viserys, I can understand that you have a grown man's needs, but you shouldn't parade these women in front of your little sister. Worse, you have appparently brought at least one into your household. Your future wife will not like that."
Viserys looked past his mother and met his sister's amused eyes. Her shoulders shook, her lips twitched, and she looked ready to burst into titters. He had to regain control of this conversation. "But she's-"
"I know that the Dornish have a reputation for licentiousness," Mother said with an imploring look, "but it would be foolish to expect her to tolerate mistresses in her own house."
Viserys sighed, his entire posture deflating. He barely noticed Daenerys giggling like a madwoman in the background.
This was going to be long day, he knew.
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AN: I have become convinced that reason why Viserys wants to conquer the Daughters before the Seven Kingdoms is because they are also called the Three Whores...
Truly, Viserys is a man of singular purpose.
Also, on another note, I have recently started a new CKII game as Tiserys Vargaryen with the goal of creating a new great empire: the Vargaryen Chokehold!
Anyway, Tiserys the Wise had a genius daughter that I named Ayl. By the age of nine her diplo score was 22... Many nearby rulers glamored for her hand, but I wouldn't give her to filthy foreigners and so I married her to the heir of one of my more important vassals.
A few months after the wedding I checked how she was doing, and saw something strange. The first sings were positive: her new husband had fallen in love with her and she had taken up teaching both of his little sisters. But then I noticed that her husband's younger brother had mysteriously died mere days after the wedding, making him the sole heir to all his father's titles. Then a few weeks after that, her new father-in-law had died peacefully in his sleep, despite being just in his forties.
Coincidence? I think not.